Includes bibliographical references (p. [377]-379) and index

The way we wish we were : defining the family crisis -- "Leave it to Beaver" and "Ozzie and Harriet" : American families in the 1950s -- "My mother was a saint" : individualism, gender myths, and the problem of love -- We always stood on our own two feet : self-reliance and the American family -- Strong families, the foundation of a virtuous society : the family and civic responsibility -- A man's home is his castle : the family and outside intervention -- Bra-burners and family bashers : feminism, working women, consumerism, and the family -- "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Mary with a baby carriage" : marriage, sex, and reproduction -- Toxic parents, supermoms, and absent fathers : putting parenting in perspective -- Pregnant girls, wilding boys, crack babies, and the underclass : the myth of black family collapse -- The crisis reconsidered

This myth-shattering examination of two centuries of American family life banishes the misconceptions about the past that cloud current debate about "family values." "Leave It to Beaver" was not a documentary, Stephanie Coontz points out; neither the 1950s nor any other moment from our past presents workable models of how to conduct our personal lives today. Without minimizing the serious new problems in American families, Coontz warns that a consoling nostalgia for a largely mythical past of "traditional values" is a trap that can only cripple our capacity to solve today's problems. From "a man's home was his castle" to "traditional families never asked for a handout," this provocative book explodes cherished illusions about the past. Organized around a series of myths and half-truths that burden modern families, the book sheds new light on such contemporary concerns as parenting, privacy, love, the division of labor along gender lines, the black family, feminism, and sexual practice. Fascinating facts abound: In the nineteenth century, the age of sexual consent in some states was nine or ten, and alcoholism and drug abuse were more rampant than today . . . Teenage childbearing peaked in the fabulous family-oriented 1950s . . . Marriages in pioneer days lasted a shorter time than they do now. Placing current family dilemmas in the context of far-reaching economic, political, and demographic changes, The Way We Never Were shows that people have not suddenly and inexplicably "gone bad" and points to ways that we can help families do better. Seeing our own family pains as part of a larger social predicament means that we can stop the cycle of guilt or blame and face the real issues constructively, Coontz writes. The historical evidence reveals that families have always been in flux and often in crisis, and that families have been most successful wherever they have built meaningful networks beyond their own boundaries

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