November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
blood numbers are in ..... up slightly margin of error? They did not go down again.... the fight isn't over yet... but boy did I buy a lot of meat to help my blood again this week coming!!!!
Kick ass
Doughnuts rule too....
5:34 PM
blood numbers day.... hold your beath and turn purple... I will update later
7:15 AM
Monday, April 17, 2006
4/17/06
Buy our house dammit�..
Wedding planning� tying up little knots before tying the big knot.
Bob Dylan
Wedding Song
I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love,I love you more than money and more than the stars above,Love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea,Love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me.Ever since you walked right in, the circle's been complete,I've said goodbye to haunted rooms and faces in the street,To the courtyard of the jester which is hidden from the sun,I love you more than ever and I haven't yet begun.You breathed on me and made my life a richer one to live,When I was deep in poverty you taught me how to give,Dried the tears up from my dreams and pulled me from the hole,Quenched my thirst and satisfied the burning in my soul.You gave me babies one, two, three, what is more, you saved my life,Eye for eye and tooth for tooth, your love cuts like a knife,My thoughts of you don't ever rest, they'd kill me if I lie,I'd sacrifice the world for you and watch my senses die.The tune that is yours and mine to play upon this earth,We'll play it out the best we know, whatever it is worth,What's lost is lost, we can't regain what went down in the flood,But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood.It's never been my duty to remake the world at large,Nor is it my intention to sound a battle charge,'Cause I love you more than all of that with a love that doesn't bend,And if there is eternity I'd love you there again.Oh, can't you see that you were born to stand by my sideAnd I was born to be with you, you were born to be my bride,You're the other half of what I am, you're the missing pieceAnd I love you more than ever with that love that doesn't cease.You turn the tide on me each day and teach my eyes to see,Just bein' next to you is a natural thing for meAnd I could never let you go, no matter what goes on,'Cause I love you more than ever now that the past is gone.
Pulse
Ani Difranco
(Little Plastic Castle)
you crawled into my bedlike some sort of giant insectand I found myself spellboundthat night at the sight of you therebeautiful and grotesque and all the rest of that bug stuffbluffing your way into my mouthbehind my teeth, reaching for my scarsthat night we got kicked out of two barsand laughed our way homethat night you leaned overand threw up into your hairand I held you there thinkingI would offer you my pulseif I thought it would be usefulI would give you my breathexceptthe problem with death is that you havesome hundred years and then they canbuild building on your only bones100 years and then your grave is not your ownwe lie in out beds, and our gravesunable to save ourselves fromthe quaint tragedies we inventand then undo from the stupid circumstanceswe slomen throughand I realized that night that the hall lightwhich seemed so bright when you turned it on is nothingcompared to the dawnwhich is nothing, compared to the lightwhich seeps from me while you're sleeping beautifuland grotesque resting caconed in my roomthat night we got kicked out of two barsand laughed our way homeand I held you there thinkingI would offer you my pulseI would give you my breathI would offer you my pulse
7:11 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
4/16/06
Faces in life I have worn several when I was in sales I wore the I will try to manipulate you, but oh yeah I�m your best friend face just sign up and make me money. Then I can type run on sentences about it later. When you first start dating someone � you are on your best behaviour. In fact Chris Ropck said it best when you first start going out with someone it is not even you, it is your representative. When you live with someone you see all different faces from that person. Heck some can be ugly, but we all have them. The saddest ones you never see. You know that one person that always makes you laugh, sometimes their real face is really sad and lonely. The jokes and shtick face is just a defense mechanism. It helps them hide their pain I think a lot of the best comedians will even discuss other faces in a funny way just to blow off some steam.
I have done the same thing sometimes to hide pain fear etc., throw a few jokes out there, and see what sticks. I do it a lot less now. Heather loves me for me and I for her I don�t have to be someone else, a character. That�s not to say my mean grumpy face never comes out of the closet. Just as long as for our relationship, I don�t come out of the closet, it just wouldn�t sit right for us that is.
Oh yeah and my blood numbers started sliding, not good news. My house is up for sale, wanna buy it? It�s not Graceland but hell this is New Jersey Graceland is not here. But it is Bob-land�..
7:02 AM
Friday, April 07, 2006
4/7/06
56 days tick tock�..
Prince said he won�t sing anymore songs with cuss words � that�s like 50 of his songs they said. He said he doesn�t see the point he pushed the envelope as far as you can go already. It must be great not to answer to anyone as an artist.
Meanwhile � his new CD is still about the old in out in out. CD debuted at #1.
Nothing cooler than Buckcherry�s new song �Crazy Bitch� come on it�s an instant strip club classic up there with Girls Girls Girls. Not an easy feat but they nailed it.
One of my biggest fan I inspired:
yeah, but does anyone really wanna see present day Sharon Stone naked?I'm thinkin' that's some scary stuff right there. Now personally, I dig older chicks. Heather Locklear is still smokin' and she's very forty something AND single these days! Debbie Harry? Looked pretty good on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show, sure she's had some work done, but she's gotta be in her 50's. The Wilson sisters from Heart? Again, they gotta be close to 50 and I'd love to be the cream in that Oreo cookie. But Sharon Stone? She doesn't look good WITH clothes on!Oh, Bob,...... uh yeah......uh feel better....blah, blah, blah,......call me if you need anything.......yada, yada, yada.....give Heather a smooch for me.........dumdy dum dum......Jeez, what a douchebag I am!
Love this guy he puts the fun in funerals� which just made me laugh when I remembered he owns a hearse!!!!!
No venting, yelling this time� My blood numbers are still stable.
2:58 PM
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
3/28/06
Chemo is done special diet done. I am glad that is over. My platlets are sliding a little I find out more tomorrow.
I got an MRI of my head last week, I ran into my surgeon luckily and he looked at it and said it looked good. That is the best news you can hear with this situation, anything else sucks. My blood numbers are lowering a little though, I am a little nervous about that
I have been writing to a soldier over in Iraq for the past 3 months so that has taken a lot of my writing time. I send a letter every week and a package every month. I am just trying to give a little something back. I told him when they got home we will hand over the non supporters to him. He comes home in October. He is a mechanic and works nights. He�s 23 but says he feels like he is 60 some days. I got my first letter from him like a week ago. So most of my letter�s have just been one sided banter. He is lucky I can talk up a storm about the little I do in life, trust me he is probably a little tired about hearing about our dogs. Luckily he is a dog person.
I really like trying to support him and his platoon in my own little way. One package I sent over pens pads and envelopes so they can write home. No staples for them to run to. I send fun stuff like candy also. When Heather�s one friend�s brother was stationed over there we tore Walmart up for like $300 of snacks toiletries magazines it was like 3 boxes of stuff it was cool.
Want to give back search adopt a platoon. Help the people that help you. DO SOMETHING. They are sacrificing for you.
Aaaaah why am I telling the people that still care to read my rant�s. You guys are there for me, and read this train wreck. It�s the people that can�t take the time to read this that need the lecture, the whole point of this is so I don�t have to tell everyone what�s been going on so people can keep tabs on the guy that doesn�t go anywhere. Then when you do remember to call, first question, what�s going on? Still on chemo? Um been over all of this.
Thanks for still reading.
7:36 PM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
3/8/06
I am about to finish my two week chemo therapy regimen on this Thursday. I still have to keep up the diet for 2 more weeks. I had a wicked side effect yesterday I felt like I was spinning counter clockwise (picture drunken room spins) so even walking was difficult I had to lie down for like an hour to wait it out. I just started paying cobra payments for my insurance, now my debt will just compound crazy. On disability you can�t just pull $400 out of the air each month, can you? Here�s a joke I got a collections notice for $742 from NYU hospital. I call the agency, they can�t tell me who to call at the hospital to ask about it, if I call back in 3 weeks they will have that information, she did know I had good credit though�. Go figure a mystery to us all but she has access to my credit. This is the first time I am hearing about this.
5:22 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
When I look down I just miss all the good stuff,
When I look up I just trip over things.
4:42 PM
3/1/06
I was never that bad baby that you had to toss me out�.
But I was never so good that I left you free from doubt
You know those days when you can�t say or do anything right and there is no logical reason why. It�s no ones fault or is it? Do I create chaos around me? I try sometimes either way I still don�t know the secret. Maybe we aren�t supposed to know. I don�t know maybe that�s why my head got screwed up physically, because I am sick mentally. And my thinking I am on top of my game is just my own insanity still. Make the world stop I want to get off. Maybe I just don�t do the right drugs. I don�t friggin know, then you got to realize we have it a lot better than a lot of other people, but unfortunately we can�t help everyone, so that leaves us back to trying to solve our own puzzles. That�s life right a puzzle? I have lost a few of my pieces that I know, so how do I get the whole picture? Intervention time for Bob. Sometimes I think I got lost along the way I have been blessed and beaten simultaneously. And I never know if at anytime I will be beaten to death or not. I have won every chess match so far and I don�t want another. I just want my blessing to be and happen for us. I have never been so close to completing my puzzle. At times it scares the hell out of me I am not used to having such a positive force in my life, in the bigger 32 year scheme of things. Some of my tightest friends know it all been there for me so, I am thankful. So don�t get in its way, and I say that to myself also.
4:22 PM
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