The DarkHat

If you don't remember, Kellie Pickler was on last season's American Idol when Taylor Hicks won. In her new video, it's easy to see why she lost. Her voice makes me feel like I'm chewing on baking soda mixed with super glue, and then someone kicks me in the nuts. A girl like her only has two options for a career. A flight attendant or a hairdresser. Two things that take no talent or skill.

Posted by darkhat at 10/27/2006 | Permalink  

It looks like Nicole Richie has really checked herself into a rehab for a eating disorder. She is trying to deny the real reason, but it's just a half-ass lie.

Her publicist told E! News: (She's checked herself into a facility) "to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieve this goal in a healthy way, [but] this is not a treatment for an eating disorder."

This is seriously the worst lie I have ever heard. It's as bad as telling your girlfriend that you didn't have sex with her best friend, you just stuck your penis into her vagina to figure out why it's always wet down there. At the end of the day, you still had sex, no matter what spin you put on it. I can help Nicole right now, and I don't need a team of nutritionists. All she has to do is eat. Hit up that McDonald's dollar menu a few times a day. You'll pack on some pounds, baby!

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Posted by darkhat at 10/27/2006 | Permalink  

It's a well known fact that I like girls that wear skirts better than girls who wear pants and don't have sex. A girl who wears a skirt is basically saying she will bang the first guy to buy her a cup of coffee. Why else would she be wearing a skirt? The weather? puhh. It's easy access to the cooter.

Posted by darkhat at 10/27/2006 | Permalink  

Mariah Carey's Hong Kong concert has been cancelled after the singer made a string of last minute diva demands. Promoters won't explain what the demands were, but claim they were "unreasonable."

Concerts Asia says: "As promoters of the Mariah Carey Hong Kong concert, we have decided to cancel the event effective immediately due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last-minute demands which we find wholly unreasonable and not with the best interests of Hong Kong, us and also the fans."

I'm pretty sure the penalty in Hong Kong for stealing a piece of fruit is getting your hand cut off, so I'm not surprised that they wouldn't let Moooriah push them around. She probably wanted a bunch of body builders to pull her around on a chariot while she was fed grapes. I've had supermodels fan me off with jungle leaves, but Mariah is being ridiculous.

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Posted by darkhat at 10/27/2006 | Permalink  

If I ever have a child, I'm going to train them to throw a rock at Tyra's head if they ever see her. I swear to god, everything this woman does is worse than the AIDS virus.

Posted by darkhat at 10/26/2006 | Permalink  

I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I'm an expert at carrying a surf board - if that's even what that fancy contraption is - but I know what it looks like when someone doesn't know the length of their own arm. This would be like me trying to fit my arm around a tank. She's the same kind of person that would fall into a hole if you only covered it with some leaves. Freaking moron. But I'd still have sex with her.

Posted by darkhat at 10/26/2006 | Permalink  

Everytime I see a hot woman in a mask, it reminds me of the 97 Halloween party at the Belvedare estate. After dancing for hours with the girl of my dreams, she ran off into the night. I didn't know why at first, but some said it was because she was afraid of getting hurt. I never thought I would see her again, but then one day I saw a woman being robbed at gunpoint. As soon as we made eye contact I knew it was her. I didn't say anything though, because I was wearing a different mask. An emotional one to hide my feelings.

Posted by darkhat at 10/25/2006 | Permalink  

One of the way no talent celebrities make money is by hosting parties. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra are already looking ahead to making money on New Year's eve.

Page Six reports: "Word on the street is Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra are trying to line up gigs to host celebrations in Miami, New York or Los Angeles - for a pricey sum. Hilton wants $100,000 plus expenses and a private jet for her to host a party, while Electra is cheap - a mere $50,000 and expenses. No jet necessary."

The only way I would ever pay Paris Hilton $100,000 is if I were allowed to tie her into a catapult and send her into the sun. It doesn't have to be a fancy gold catapult like England uses, It just has to work. And it only has to work once.

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Posted by darkhat at 10/25/2006 | Permalink  

I've never seen Steve-O be anything less than entertaining during an interview. While on the Tom Green's internet talk show, he discusses Jessica Simpson banging Bam Margera. More importantly, why the hell does Carson Daley hang out with these guys now? The only thing this guy should be used for is a punching bag.

Posted by darkhat at 10/25/2006 | Permalink  

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finally confirmed the fact that they are going to tie the knot. They will be married in Italy on November 18, which is exactly 19 months to the day of their first date.

The source claims: "The wedding location is so far a closely guarded secret, but one rumor has pinned down the site as George Clooney's idyllic villa by Lake Como. The other possible location would be Rome, the eternal city where they were first photographed together in 2005."

I don't know if anyone even cares about this anymore, because they waited way to long for this marriage thing. The excitement is gone. The same thing happened with my 8th wife Olga. Sure, she cooked the best beef stew in the entire village, but she wanted children, and my heart wasn't in it.

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Posted by darkhat at 10/25/2006 | Permalink