• Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild says Paris was the best blow job he’d ever had. Blatant liar. [IDLYITW]
• Stills from Sienna Miller’s sex scene. Trust me, there’s video floating around somewhere. [Celebrity Smack]
• There might be a Departed sequel, possibly prequel. [Celebitchy]
• Farce of the Penguins. I can’t believe this is a real movie. [Pajiba]
• Kevin Bacon opens up six degrees of charity. [CityRag]
• Katie is very grateful. [Glitterati]
• Michael Jackson’s kids revealed. [Evil Beet]
• Tricia Helfer PG-13 Playboy. [Bastardly]
• Gwen Stefani used to be fat? [Popsugar]

Sienna Miller can’t wait to be a mother. In the new issue of Life magazine, Sienna expounds on the joys of the world not revolving around herself.

“I can’t wait,” she says in Life magazine’s upcoming issue. “In a world where you’re encouraged to have your universe revolve around yourself, suddenly it doesn’t. I know I want that because I have way too much love to give. If I have a child, it can all go there. Life, I think, will suddenly make sense.”

A baby would be the best thing to ever happen to her. It worked for Britney Spears didn’t it? Look at her now, Britney’s life has been going uphill ever since. New baby, new album, new man, new look. It’s like the young sexy 18-year-old found the fountain of youth.

Jennifer Hudson has spoken out about American Idol. She describes her experience on the show as abusive. According to Hudson, the show abuses, brainwashes and misleads you to believe whatever they want you to think.

“You become a character – I became the girl in the turkey wrapping.” (On one episode, she wore an unflattering outfit that earned that label.) “I just knew I had to sing my way out of it. I don’t believe in looking back, and I didn’t look back.”

Are we talking about the same show here? The one that’s been going on for six seasons? The one that helped this turkey wrapped sausage or whatever win a Golden Globe and SAG award? The only reason this same deli sandwich was chosen for Dreamgirls and got her nominated for an Oscar? This is rich. I know the first thing I would do after winning the lottery is call the state a bunch of thieving bastards. That’s after I deposit my winnings in an off-shore banking account. Possibly in Jamaica.

This girl should be kissing Simon’s feet and buying Paula bottles of Patron to put in her cup. If it wasn’t for the show, she’d be singing at the local fair and contemplating when she should use her free coupon to Jenny Craig. And you know why the state fair? They have pie eating contests.

Kate Moss has ended it with Pete Doherty after seeing pictures of him shooting up just two days after their Buddhist ceremony. This isn’t the first time these two have broken up. The same thing happened when everyone saw the video of her doing coke. A few days ago, both of them checked into rehab together so it looks like it’s back to drugs for both of them.

Of course Kate still loves Pete and vice-versa but she’s a clever woman and knows that she has got to put her career first. Kate needs to start looking after herself - or at least be seen to be doing so - and has been strongly advised to take some time off from Pete.

Some things are just not meant to be. Like a supermodel with a junky or me being ugly. Believe me, I’ve tried. The problem is I make everything look good. Some people call it a blessing. I call it a curse. Ah ha. Just kidding. It’s not a curse. It’s freaking awesome. The video in question.

I just don’t know. I would like an expert’s opinion.

Lane Garrison, Tweener from Prison Break, had twice the legal blood alcohol level and an undisclosed amount of cocaine in his system after a car crash last month. The accident left a 17-year-old dead and one 15-year-old girl critically injured. The legal BAC limit in California is .08. Garrison’s BAC was .20 which meant he may have blacked out for a while. It gets better. People magazine says

Police recommended that he be charged with gross vehicular manslaughter with an enhancement for causing injury or death to more than one victim. Police also recommended he be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

He may face 10 years in state prison if convicted. I remember one time I tripped a kid and made him fall into a puddle. Yea, not as bad as this.

Update: TMZ says witnesses saw Lane snort a few lines and drink six or seven shots of Grey Goose at the same time before he went driving. Christ, this guy can party.

May I just say. What the fuck. All Britney Spears is missing is a Harley, leather pants, a pitbull and an even more butch girlfriend. This fug mess oscillates between raging whore and horrible disaster. At this moment, I’d rather have sex with a corpse. With a bear trap for a vagina.

Josh Hartnett recently admitted that his breakup with Scarlett Johansson was “really painful.” Josh thought Scarlett was special and that they might spend their lives together. In the end, there was too much pressure and fighting.

“It’s taken a while but he’s getting over it now - he’s just immersing himself in work. Scarlett was very much a one-off. She was independent, feisty and outgoing - everything he wanted. But the relationship just didn’t work out.”

This sappy shit don’t fly here kid. You can’t tame a girl like Scarlett. The best you can do is grab on and enjoy the ride and don’t fall off and break your neck because then you could be paralyzed like Christopher Reeves and that would cost a lot of money so you might as well ask the doctors about euthanasia since you’re poor which is why you live in the basement of your parent’s house. Sorry, I kind of got lost in the moment.