If ever there were a MySpace profile we wanted to befriend, it is, undoubtedly, "Fans Against the Paparazzi." With 21 (!) friends and counting, Fans has just one central mission: celebrate celebrities without attacking them. As if there were another way.

Its mission is clear: "STOP BUYING WEEKLY TABLOID MAGAZINES WHO SUPPORT PAPARAZZI BY PURCHASING AND PRINTING THEIR CANDIDS!"

Somehow lost in the message, however, is an asterisk about "continue buying the tabloids who set up arrangements with celebrities to shoot 'candid' photos in exchange for a fat profit sharing arrangement."

Below you'll find a list of tabloid and weekly magazines to BOYCOTT, as well as photo agencies we are asking them to STOP SUPPORTING.

- globe magazine
- hello!
- in touch weekly
- life & style
- national enquirer
- ok! magazine
- people magazine
- planet sun
- star magazine
- us weekly

AGENCIES TO STOP SUPPORTING:

X17 AGENCY (the most vicious!)
alloverpress
angeli
celebrity babylon
east news
isifa
flynet
lfi
matrix
mavrix
pacific coast news
rex features
splash news

After the jump, the full email sent out by FATP to tabloid editors, paparazzi, and the like. You know, anyone who participates in the practice of harassing the men and women who so diligently pick up seven- and eight-figure cheques for appearing on screen.

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If you're like most Americans, you've already let Courtney Cox's Dirt fall off your radar. Sure, former Friend Jennifer Aniston might be popping in for the season finale, but why waste your time with plotlines, character development, and the episodic filler during the weeks leading up to the finale when you can catch what you need to know on YouTube, anyhow?

Nonetheless, we're moving forward with our mission to deliver high-brow critiques from those with insider gossip rag knowledge. Unfortunately we only have delivery from one of our tabloid twosome, but it's plenty. The full report from Tabloider No. 1, after the jump — with ruminations on libel lawyers, publicists who deliver press releases in person, and a subject close to home for Ms. Aniston.

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We love ourselves some TVNewser – we really do – but in case you ever have a hankering to make an argument – as Jon Friedman has, among others – that the cable TV industry "Bible" doesn't traffic in gossip and is more journalism than sensationalism, here's your counterpoint.

Update: For those who want to know, from a blog that does traffic in gossip – that would be – the anchman in the blind item is, we hear from an insider, Matt Lauer. (All alleged, of course.)

Sure, Courteney Cox's Dirt may have already jumped the shark, but it's not everyday a television show comes around that's centered around the industry you obsess over – okay, perhaps it happens more often than you think) — so our only choice was to exploit the new FX series for all it's worth.

With Cox playing the fictional Bonnie Fuller, we thought in only appropriate to check in with a pair of tabloid insiders (and we mean really, really inside) to see how the TV version differs from the real life experience of badmouthing starlets and pointing out where their cellulite can be found. Naturally, because our tabloid twosome want to hang on to their industry gigs, theire identities shall remain in the shadows. But trust us — this pair has been around the block; they're not some low level floozies.

After the jump, you'll find reports on Dirt's premiere. And while there are some differences in viewpoints, it's interesting to note that both authors ended their copy pointing out one crucial plot flaw: Bonnie Fuller would never get her own coffee.

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It's become a prerequisite that any interview we do, we're always asked the same question: How do you break stories? In case you hadn't heard, gossip blogs are the new tabloid magazines, breaking the stories they should be on top of. Today, we're going to let E!'s The Answer Bitch explain how it happens:

They build up giant databases of bitter Industry sources and get kicked out of the same clubs and take verbal abuse from the same snarling publicists as the magazine writers.

They work from 8 in the morning until 2 the following morning, often fielding barely coherent text messages from drunken club vixens trying to recall exactly when, like, for example, Vince Vaughn peed on Lindsay Lohan's shoe and whether that happened before or after Lindsay barfed on Britney's suicidal bodyguard.

In other words, we have nearly the exact same job functions as your average Keith Kelly or Adam Nagourney, except nobody takes our calls.

The press blitz for Dirt is already among us, which begs the question: When Courteney Cox's new show arrives on FX on Jan. 2, are we going to have a weekly version of a fictional Bonnie Fuller like The Devil Wears Prada gave us Anna Wintour in a feature film?

Yes!

And no.

An insider whose seen the beginnings of the show tells us Courteney, who plays tabloid editor Lucy Spiller, is "a coldhearted bitch" and that the show "goes out of its way to show how evil celeb journalism is." Ya don't say.

Among the storylines we can look forward to:

• Blackmailing celebrities to get gossip
• Taunting celebs to get a better photo
• A C-lister giving Dirt a raunchy exclusive &ndahs; about a single starlet getting pregnant from a one night stand – in exchange for a puff piece in the publisher's celeb-friendly title
• And, of course, a celebrity sex tape — which Cox watches in her "Lex Luther"-styled office. "She pushes open the metal prison bars-like door, sits in the darkened rooms, and plays the tape," says our source.

Cox's character is best friends with a paparazzo, a "crazy schizophrenic who gets more upset about his dead can than the celeb lives he apparently ruins."

And, the part we're most looking forward to: The basketball player who's emrboiled in a scenario that involves a strap-on and his anus. And who's it based on? Rick Fox, natch.

Ben Widdicombe will finally sit atop the gossip throne he's been pining for — beginning next month.. After Lloyd Grove's departure for all things "multimedia," the usual pairing of Daily News gossip offerings was limited to just Rush & Molloy, leaving a vast hole in our bookmarks list. The news – which we reported back in August, and Radar updated earlier this month – is a surprise to few. It's the details (read: money grab) that proved most entertaining. But now we hear that the timeline has been set in place, and Widdicombe will return from the holiday season with his own five days-per-week column with Laura Schreffler by his side come January.

(The Enquirer's old look, left; its facelift, right.)

Have yourself a look at this week's National Enqurier. Not only is the AMI rag riding high off its O.J. Simpson scoop, but it's given itself a makeover in a repositioning to compete harder against its celeb tabloid brethern. New logo! New names for sections! New typography! Same flipping unreliable rumors into frontpage headlines!

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Not only did professional hanger-on Perez Hilton get served with court papers from the paparazzi this week – in public, no less, but then again he does work at The Coffee Bean – we hear the celeb blogger's reality show recently got the shaken head from VH1. And, from what we understand, VH1 isn't the first network to say no to the production. How come they passed over Perez? One TV insider tells us, in no uncertain terms, that the footage "sucks" and that "the big celeb he has on the show is his songwriter friend Diane Warren. Apparently when they realized the celeb factor is pretty C-list, they head to Miami to do segment with Gloria Estefan." Meanwhile, our source says VH1 has cut him from the network almost entirely. No reality show gig, no talking head gig. Luckily, there's always YouTube. Says one insider: "Kharma really is a bitch. Or as Perez would probably opine, 'Kharma is a cunt.'"

Whoever says the National Enquirer shouldn't be trusted, let's just take a peek at what's happened to the AMI tabloid's O.J. Simpson "faux tell-all" story, shall we? This time last month, David Perel's gossip sheet claimed the acquitted ex-footballer would be penning a sort-of roman a clef. That is, for a $3.5 million book deal from ReganBooks, O.J. would write If I Did It, chronicling the events leading up to and during that fateful night written "as if" he committed the double homicide. The veritable confessional was subsequently denied a few days later. O.J.'s attorney Yale Galanter told Rush & Molloy point blank that O.J. wasn't writing any sort of book and hadn't been paid a dime and proclaimed, "If anyone comes out with such a book, I'll go on every talk show and call it crap."

Hey, Galanter? It's time to call it crap.

Fast forward to the present, where all the headlines are salivating over the news. Not only is O.J. writing the book, but he's headed to Fox News to plug it. (Let's be sure to note ReganBooks and Fox News are both owned by News Corp. Nice synergy, folks.) As Life & Style was first to report yesterday, the interview airs in a two-part series on Nov. 27 and 29, just in time to make you throw up your Thanksgiving feast.

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535,000. No, that's not Keith Olbermann's viewership. If it were, there'd be reason to celebrate.

Rather, we're told that's roughly the number of copies that Star magazine moved on the newsstand with its "blogazine" issue that had staffers peeking out from the pages offering their opinions on celebrity shlock. Everyone knew it'd be a disaster – Star staffers have been heard calling it a "nightmare" – but nobody imagined it'd be this bad for AMI's tabloid. Add that to the utter humiliation it caused Star staffers. We hear senior level editors refused to take part in the gimmick, forcing lower-level minions to sit for the awkwardly posed shots and embarrassing "OMG!!" copy.

But speaking of Keith Olbermann, perhaps he should begin counting down the number of days left in David Pecker's tenure as American Media's chief; we're already on negative 492.

Britney Spears divorce reveals itself to be a more calculated endeavor with each passing hour. First there was the whole "not telling Kevin Federline part." Then there was the date she chose as to not activate a clause in her prenup that would give Kevin more money. And now WWD's Irin Carmon reports that she's gone one step further: offering up pictures of her second son, Jayden James, for free.

Sure, Britney's worth an estimated $30-something million, but giving away such hot photos gratis? That's so unlike her. (So are thighs that don't touch, but one story at at time, people.) But there she is, shopping around her snaps to the women's magazines and not asking for a dime in return. Which begs the question: What's that crazy white girl thinking?

She's thinking about what the sale of the photo would mean for her soon-to-be ex-husband, that's what. In their prenup, Britney and Kevin agreed that the cash earned from the sale of any of their photos would go directly to Kevin, so think of Brit's latest move as the ultimate goodbye kiss, in which she leaves her husband with no cash, no cars or jewels (all gifts over $10k go back to the original giver), and a recording contract that's all but expired in embarrassment.

The pop tart is also hoping for a coveted cover at a respected magazine. You know, one that doesn't include the words "People" or "Weekly" in it. Offering up the pics for free will be a huge negotiating tactic when it comes to getting a monthly glossy to spin her story the way she sees fit. And to think: All Graydon Carter will require to hand over a Vanity Fair cover are the intimate details of the divorcing couple's sex lives.

Our Web staff is seven people. The Web has absolutely changed how we do things — we are constantly refreshing Perez Hilton, Gawker — but there will continue to be a print magazine. Us packages celebrity news in a way that the Web can't. I mean, I love Perez, but this is a guy who draws cocaine sprinkles falling out of celebrities' noses and writes things like 'sucks d*ck' on pictures of celebs he wants to out.

That's Us Weekly's Janice Min on how she's coping and competing in the era of the celebrity blog.

And this? This is the regularly-wrong but visually-enticing chart from Alexaholic, comparing traffic to Us and Perez. Time for Us' art department to break out Microsoft Paint.

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Today Liz Smith reported ex-Daily News gossip Lloyd Grove landed within Graydon Carter's confines at Vanity Fair. We've already spoke to a number of insiders who are questioning the accuracy of the report, but most are wondering – if his VF placement is true – what ever happened to Lloyd's claims that he was starting a new gig "doing something that is multimedia, with components of Internet and television and print media"? Sure, VanityFair.com just relaunched as part of Conde Nast's effort to learn how to spell "I-n-t-e-r-n-e-t," but certainly his VF post isn't the well-rounded media outreach program he had hinted at, right?

Right.

We're told that Lloyd initially planned on heading to TMZ.com, the AOL-Telepictures joint venture that most Americans know as "that site with the Brandon Davis 'firecrotch' video." And, to scratch their scrotum, it's also that site that broke the Mel Gibson anti-Jew drunk driving tirade. It was as recently as a few weeks ago, we hear, that Lloyd was in talks with TMZ chief Harvey Levin about coming on board as the chief East Coaster. Confirms Harvey: "We talked to him and nothing materialized."

How come nothing materialized? Like most issues, it came down to money. One insider tells us Lloyd was looking for pay in the $350,000/year ballpark, and TMZ scoffed (though they wouldn't comment to us about why the talks broke down). Elsewhere, a source with knowledge of Lloyd's job hunting mentions the "spoiled goods" complex: A disappointment at the Daily News, other gossip outlets fear touching him. But not, apparently, the ultimate celebrity sheet that currently features a wet, unauthorized Brad Pitt on the cover.

Update: We hear Liz Smith got it wrong. (Not surprised? Us either.) Lloyd is not moving to a staff position at VF, but is merely writing an article for the rag.

Wondering where the gossips get their grub gratis? Sure, the New York Post and Daily News may have strict policies against their "reporters" getting freebies, but how else to explain the obvious planted plugs from some of New York's finest establishments?

Post's Page Six, Friday, Oct. 27:

METS third baseman David Wright, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Jerry Bruckheimer watching football at Hawaiian Tropic Zone amidst a bevy of beauties in bikinis.

Daily News' Gatecrasher, Sunday, Oct. 29:

Jerry Bruckheimer had dinner and drinks at Times Square's new Hawaiian Tropic Zone restaurant

But our favorite example comes only from the pages of the New York Post, where Le Cirque earns a smattering of plugs just a few pages apart.

Post's Page Six, Sunday, Oct. 29:

KEVIN Kline and Phoebe Cates dining with Meryl Streep at Le Cirque

Post's Liz Smith, Sunday, Oct. 29:

If you go to the new Le Cirque, you often get to see one of the most beautiful girls in town. She's the grandchild of Sirio and Egi Maccioni, Stella, age 14 months. The Maccionis are training Stella in the restaurant biz, and she is irresistible. Tonight, they'll celebrate Egi's 70th birthday with sons Mario, Marco and Mauro in attendance. (I dare you to tell them apart!) Kevin Kline was there recently being joined by pal Meryl Streep

• If a guy with Windows Movie Maker and access to Google Images can lay down funnier lines than Best Week Ever, maybe that United Talent Agency web initiative has some feet. [Jackson Blue]

• Celeb press corp tires of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn relationship charades. This blog tires of (but will continue reporting on) meta coverage thereof. [Radar]

• Porn empresario Michael Lucas throws down with New York magazine. [Queerty]

• Comely Whipple's World host George Whipple lets his pocket protector come loose on Friday nights. [Radar]

• Ken Sunshine pours the haterade on bloggers. That's "bloggers," code word for "anyone who hates on my clients." [FBNY]

• New Republic associate editor Spencer Ackerman becomes the first person fired from the title since Stephen Glass, in '98. Spencer's crime? Hating on TNR on a blog. Kids these days. [NYO]

• Former Sarah Gray Miller Budget Living cohort Alex Bhattacharji becomes Daniel Peres' newest bottom at Details. [NYO]

Though Jared Paul Stern's Stern Measures book deal with Simon & Schuster will bring in at least part of the $220,00 he tried extorting from Ron Burkle, the saleability of Stern's tell-all – which, we've noted, doesn't sound like the scandal sheet it was originally thought to be – is being questioned by the Times' Julie Bosman (along with much of the publishing and gossip industries). There are two obvious categories Stern's book could fall into: The Jayson Blair "fall from grace" sector (4,000 copies sold), or the insider gossip sector, a la Paula Froelich's It!: 9 Secrets of the Rich and Famous That’ll Take You to the Top (9,000 copies, and that leads the pack).

And then, of course, there's the Stephen Glass version of things. While Glass' own book sold only about 4,000 copies, it was the Stepehn Glass story – penned by Adam Penenberg – that turned Glass into a household name, thanks to the movie deal that became Shattered Glass. So there's still hope for Stern in his quest to turn his Burkle debacle into profit and fame. But for Simon & Schuster, book rights are book rights, and those are always less sexy.

Gossip Gets a Book Deal, but What About Sales? [Julie Bosman, NYT]
Earlier: The Jared Paul Stern Tome Only Snoodles Is Eagerly Awaiting

One of our favorite games to play is Anatomy of a Page Six Retraction, and today's "For The Record" item in Richard Johnson's column gives us some great footing. It takes quite a bit to get RJ & Co. to back off from their "heavily" vetted items, so what brought this?:

JENNIFER Aniston went on "Oprah" to tell the world she and Vince Vaughn are still together. We apologize to Vaughn for reporting on Oct. 11 that the "The Wedding Crashers" star had been photographed "making out" with a "mystery blonde" at a party in London. The item, first reported in the London Sun, was incorrect. We're advised Vaughn was merely greeting a friend at the event and not kissing her "passionately." Any suggestion that the actor was being unfaithful to Aniston is totally false.

From what we understand, the New York Post received a well-versed letter from the offices of Hollywood power firm Lavely & Singer, which reps Vaughinston's interests. After several conversations between News Corp.'s legal team and editor Col Allan, a decision was handed down to Johnson: Apologize for the original item, or the Vaughn will very likely make good on his threats to sue. (Britain's Daily Mail and The Sun remain on the list of remaining targets.) And just when you thought all the angles for items on Page Six were exhausted this month.

FOR THE RECORD [Page Six]