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AUTHOR’S NOTE: Promised fic #2. Thanks goes to Asako for beta-reading, introducing me to Chrno Crusade (both the anime and manga), and prodding me into writing this fic which I have ended up liking quite a bit. Thanks also goes to Astral Contract which is hosting a fanfiction contest that prodded Asako into prodding me into writing this fic.
I hope you enjoy!
oOoOoOo
He woke.
As the faint light from winter's moon filtered in through the window, bathing the room in a pale blue glow, fragmented images from the dream from which he woke returned to him. He remembered. Then he realized that whether he was awake or asleep had no meaning for he could see the same scenes replaying over and over again in his thoughts no matter what state of consciousness his mind was in.
He wished he were still asleep.
At least, then, he could pretend that it hadn't been real.
The room was cold. But he didn't notice the bite of chilly air as he rose, blanket pooling around his waist as he shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, the faint sounds of creaking springs and rustling cloth the only noise to break the stillness of the silent room. All the while, he studiously avoided looking behind him, not wanting to see the empty spot beside the impression his body had made. It would have been too much to see that other side, smooth and unwrinkled and cool to the touch, so unlike that of crumpled mess he’d made of his, still warm from the heat of his body.
The contrast…it was such a small thing. Such a small thing, so insignificant in the grand scheme of the world and yet…and yet he simply couldn’t bring himself to look upon it.
It would have broken his heart again.
Then again, maybe he deserved the pain. No, he did deserve it. Sinners must pay penance for their sins, after all.
And his was the greatest sin of all.
The sin of failing.
The sin of destroying when he was supposed to save.
The sin of killing…one who was the most important to him.
Sins should be punished. Sinners should be punished. And as one who had sinned, perhaps it was only right that he constantly relive those moments of anguish, loss, and pain. He had earned it with his foolishness and to be tormented by the results was only just. An eternity of God’s divine punishment…
Even that would not be long enough to grant him atonement.
Faint movement caught his attention, distracting him from his train of thoughts if not the mood that had overtaken him. Drawn by a vague sense of curiosity, he crossed to the window to gaze outwards from within the prison that could force upon him no more solitude than his own heart.
It was snowing.
It was beautiful.
It was cold.
And none of it mattered.
The important thing…his most important thing…wasn’t there. Anything beyond that, at that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Nothing existed that could penetrate the walls that trapped him, shutting him off from everything else that should dare try. But such a thing was meaningless for, in his quiet surroundings, there seemed to be nothing that even cared to make tha