TheTinMen

I know, for many, the thought of “men’s spaces” fills them with fear and trepidation. As if such a place is somewhere men convene to plan how to take over and oppress the world; where misogyny breeds, and so-called “toxic masculinity” is cultivated. But I’ve been invited to many such spaces, and they’re usually just full of men playing ping pong, lifting weights, or talking about how difficult work has been that week. They’re places where men listen to one another about relationships, loneliness, financial problems, or difficult things they’ve experienced. It’s men walking up mountains, climbing trees, and cooking dinner over a campfire. It’s men playing board games, reading books, whittling sticks, or chucking axes at targets. It’s men sharing, and caring, with and for one another. I’m not saying malevolent spaces for men don’t exist.. I’m just saying I’ve never been to one. All I’ve seen are interventions that are quite literally life-saving and transformative, not to mention the extraordinary good they do for society. Health services win… the taxpayer wins… and most importantly, the men win too. So what’s not to like? Discussing the importance of “men’s spaces” with Mandem Meetup founder and CEO Jamie Dennis… Full podcast out now 👇 https://lnkd.in/gmTbdVYd Footage by Nathan Baxter Find Mandem Meetup at mandemmeetup.org and follow Mandem Meetup

Depending on who we are, we all have a gendered experience of life. In ways that are both positive and negative, beneficial or harmful, men are often treated in one way, and women in another. We call these “double standards”, and many flat-out deny men experience them just as often as women. So today I’d like to fill in that gap, and ask: what are the biggest double standards that men face? What do you think?

Scotland is not only home to some of the most stunning landscapes on the planet, but also, according to the latest survey data, tens of thousands of men who experience partner abuse every year. In fact, around 40% of people who experience partner abuse in a given year are men, according to the latest Scottish Crime and Justice Survey. And the effect abuse has on such men is far from insignificant – Roughly 38% of abuse victims who experienced psychological impacts were men, and 46% of those experiencing physical impacts were men. So no, we’re not talking about benign acts of violence or abuse, that men can simply shrug off. We’re talking about dangerous and soul-crushing experiences that quietly destroy the lives of countless men across the country. Thankfully, when it comes to ending the scourge of domestic abuse, the Scottish Government are not messing around, and have pledged more than a hundred million pounds to abuse services, interventions, and support lines over the past few years. But – how this funding is divided is far from equal, with specialised services for Scottish men receiving an extraordinarily small slice of the pie. Let’s take a look… ~ 2019/2020 SCJS, main findings https://lnkd.in/e53hRbdq SCJS 2018/20 data tables, Volume 6: partner abuse https://lnkd.in/ekcBJJcb Funding https://lnkd.in/ekcBJJcb

“The patriarchy”, “toxic masculinity”, “the manosphere”. The central problem with each of these phrases is that nobody really knows what you’re talking about. If you get 100 people to write down their definition of ‘the patriarchy’, I promise you, you’ll end up with 100 angry scribbles… none of them the same. And unless you can clearly define and measure a problem, you will never solve it. So instead of solutions we get “well that’s not what I mean”, “you don’t understand”, or “you’re misrepresenting me”; as someone whips out their gender studies diploma, another quotes me Bell Hooks, and someone else barfs out a deluge of word-salad slop. Soon, all of these words, in their various iterations, become a vague bludgeon to beat men over the heads with. A maddening chorus of poorly-formulated slogans, intended only to signal disapproval, like some giant bucket of mud into which any man with whom you disagree can be flung, and forgotten about. All issues, all bad actions, all evil men, from all over the world, and from all moments in history, not matter how random and disparate, are unceremoniously dumped into one or more of these buckets, smeared with mud, so as to try and silence them. I’ve seen “the patriarchy” blamed for everything from the gender pay gap, to women not having pockets. Used to explain violent men, violent women, male CEOs, male homeless and everyone in-between. I’ve seen “toxic masculinity” berated for gang violence, for Brexit, and for people not wearing masks during COVID 19. I’ve watched people shake their fists at “the manosphere”, with no consistent definition of what it actually is. I mean – Have you not noticed how long people have been swinging a sword at each of these cultural phenomenas, and yet none of them have gone away? And so, we arrive at the idea of ‘problem solvers’ and ‘problem sellers’. Problem solvers break the issues down into their smallest components, clearly labelled, defined and dissected, so they can be solved. Problem sellers squash problems together, so we lose all semblance of nuance, and instead create a gargantuan blob, and eternal supervillian that is impossible to defeat. So which one are you?

Once again, the world has woken up with a little less light in it. Actor and disability rights advocate RJ Mitte has died by suicide and society is brought crashing back to reality, with the familiar gut-wrenching sting. RJ was part of many groups at risk to suicide, not only a man, but also a man living with a disability – and such a group is chronically under-discussed, and ignored by research, until it is too late. Men with disabilities are 3x more likely to die by suicide than those without one. Despite this, research into the field is scant, and disabled people are once again left in the shadows. The loss of RJ is nothing but a tragedy, but if something good can come from it, perhaps it is more awareness for this enormous chasm of missing research that so many disabled people are lost within. So is it time we talked about the intersection between suicide and disability? What do you think? ~ If you’re struggling, you’re not a burden, and you don’t have to cope alone: 🇬🇧 Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) 🇬🇧 CALM: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight) 🇺🇸 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 🌍 findahelpline.com ONS data https://lnkd.in/eCaRBGtt Is suicide an option?: The impact of disability on suicide acceptability in the context of depression, suicidality, and demographic factors, 2016 https://lnkd.in/ev8erE8x

🗣️ How can we create more positive conversations about men and boys’ mental health and wellbeing? On Friday, CPRMB’s Director of Policy, Mark Brooks OBE, joined George H. (The Tin Men), Ian Tucknott (Head of School) and Lisa Britton at the Mental Wealth Festival at City Lit for “Caring for Men & Boys: Men’s Mental Health & Wellbeing”. The thought-provoking conversation explored the evidence, challenges and opportunities shaping men’s and boys’ mental health today, covering: 🔹 Male identity and societal pressures 🔹 Employment and its relationship with purpose and wellbeing 🔹 Online harms and their impact on men and boys 🔹 The need for more positive conversations about the contribution men and boys make Conversations like these are important in building understanding and keeping men’s and boys’ mental health and wellbeing on the agenda. #MentalWealthConversation #CPRMB #MenAndBoys

It’s tempting to assume our mental health is explained only by some profound psychological framework, or life experience, caused by an impossibly complex cocktail of brain chemistry, or entangled neural network that needs to be rewired. And sometimes it is. But often, your low mood is because you’ve not drunk enough water, or your diet isn’t great right now, or maybe because you’re not exercising, sleeping well, or seeing your mates enough. These are the basic, mundane things we all need, that together, can have an enormous impact on how we feel about ourselves. So is men’s wellness and mental health really as complex as we like to think? Is it really best described through some academic textbook, or decyphered through some expert psychoanalysis… Or could the answer be putting your phone down, getting outside, and reconnecting with loved ones? What do you think? ~ New podcast with Mandem Meetup CEO Jamie Dennis out now! 👇 https://lnkd.in/gmTbdVYd Find Mandem Meetup here https://mandemmeetup.org/

The world is not as afraid as you think. Sexual abuse, domestic and intimate partner violence against men and boys, family courts, false allegations, media misandry: these are the taboo topics that so many in this space don’t talk about, as they remain stuck in a tiresome, perpetually broken record of “let's talk about masculinity!” We all know who... Charities and organisations who fall over themselves to bill schools for expensive finger-wagging sessions; who castigate and shame boys, and project into their young, impressionable minds, nonsensical sermons about “the patriarchy”. Meanwhile, few of these organisations, if any, will do anything about the boys who experience violence, particularly when at the hands of girls. So here's some uncomfortable data – 18% of boys and 17% of girls have experienced violence in UK schools. 15% of boys and 11% of girls have perpetrated violence in UK schools.  (Children, violence and vulnerability, YEF, 2025) That is not such a large disparity that we heap funding, awareness and compassion solely onto one sex, and not the other. Even more unpopular –  25% of teen boys and 15% of teen girls in relationships (in UK schools), have been forced or pressured to do something sexual in a relationship. 57% of teen boys and 41% of teen girls in a relationship, have experienced at least one controlling or violent behaviour from their partner.  (How do boys and girls experience violence? YEF, 2024) I am totally unafraid to write that, and the vast majority of the general public are not afraid either. In fact, they want to hear it. And that's the point I am trying to make here. I’ve never really been afraid to dive headfirst into the mud of such conversations, and splashing about in such controversy has left me largely alienated from the big organisations who refuse to. But things have changed. And increasingly so. The data is there too – since December of last year my community has grown by 50%, with tens of thousands joining, now swimming in the mud with me, and the more who do, the more people realise that to do so, is not so bad. In fact, it's what we must do, for our children. I was recently accused by one of the largest, most tight-lipped and fervent of finger-waggers, of stoking an “us versus them” narrative within the men and boys space. But if believing that violence or coercion against any child is unacceptable, even that toward a boy by a girl, makes me “them”, then I am happy to be that. The irony that such individuals, and organisations, stride into schools to talk about "accountability", yet take none for themselves, is not lost on me, and the world is waking up to that too. Yes. Abused boys deserve support, and girls who subject them to such things should be talked about too. No. There isn't an "us versus them" in this space; there are only those who are part of the past, and those who will be part of the future. And soon it will be time to choose, which side are you on?

Wow. I’m so happy I could help play a small part in this exciting new chapter in your life, and I’m glad you liked our podcast together. Chris Williamson is a good man, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him many times too. Where do I go to collect my hug?

Be it some crypto bro, masculinity influencer, or manosphere grifter, everyone is giving advice to men these days, and often it costs a pretty penny. Usually, the advice makes my eyes roll to the back of my head, as it is almost always self-serving. Some kind of pyramid scam yelled into a phone by some bombastic, Bugatti-driving idiot; or some whiny positive masculinity guru with too many shirt buttons undone; or some ivory tower academic helping men be “better allies”; or some big-bearded monosyllabic gym bro, droning into a mic… It’s endless, and whoever it is, one thing is almost certain – their words mean nothing. Because the best advice I’ve seen for men comes from other men. Normal men who’ve been through it already, who’ve lived a life similar to yours, and learnt the lessons they can now teach you. So, with that in mind, I want to ask the men – what’s your #1 tip to better yourself as a man? What do you think?