Creating Space for Victims to Speak Out

A leader's silence speaks volumes. Ram, a well-respected leader and vocal advocate for workplace equality, often delivers eloquent speeches on the importance of the Prevention of Sexual Harassment (POSH) policy. He's a key member of the POSH committee, yet his actions tell a different story. His delays in addressing reported cases are creating a chilling effect, eroding trust in the system, and undermining the very policy he champions. This isn't just about individual cases; it's about a systemic failure to create a safe and equitable work environment. The long-term consequences of this inaction are far-reaching. Employees lose faith in the reporting process, leading to underreporting of incidents. Perpetrators feel emboldened, knowing that even if reported, consequences are unlikely to be swift or certain. A culture of silence takes root, where victims fear retribution and are hesitant to come forward. This not only perpetuates harm but also damages the organization's reputation, impacting employee morale, productivity, and even attracting and retaining talent. Potential legal ramifications also loom large – a failure to act decisively on reported incidents can lead to significant legal and financial liabilities. So, how can organizations ensure that advocacy for equality translates into tangible action and meaningful change? It starts with leadership accountability. Ram needs to understand that his silence is deafening. Timely investigations, transparent communication (while respecting confidentiality), and consistent application of the POSH policy are crucial. This requires establishing clear timelines for investigations, providing regular updates to those involved, and ensuring that appropriate disciplinary actions are taken against perpetrators. Furthermore, robust training programs for all employees, including managers, are essential to foster a culture of awareness, prevention, and reporting. Finally, creating a safe space for victims to come forward, free from fear of retaliation, is paramount. This might involve independent reporting mechanisms, confidential counseling services, and a clear commitment from leadership to protect whistleblowers. What concrete steps can organizations take to move beyond empty promises and create truly safe and equitable workplaces? #workplaceequality #leadership #accountability #toxicworkplace #harassment #discrimination #ethics #hr #transparency

Across humanitarian settings, one truth stands out: listening to young people isn’t just good practice — it’s lifesaving. In Uganda’s refugee settlements, nearly half of children experience some form of violence. Yet in two schools, only 16 cases were reported in an entire year. When trained community-based workers began proactively asking children about their experiences in safe, school-based settings, 653 cases were uncovered in just five months. Children stay silent when they don’t have safe spaces to speak up — especially in crisis contexts. That’s why humanitarian responses must evolve: meet children where they are, embed proactive and survivor-centered support, and empower community-based workers with lived experience to reach those slipping under the radar. Only then can we respond and meet their needs. Because centering young people’s voices in humanitarian response isn’t just smart. It is protection. Read more in Devex: https://lnkd.in/dH3V8pDj

Imagine a woman who doesn’t call the police during a violent episode. Instead, she waits it out, gathers the children, and leaves quietly the next morning. People ask: “Why didn’t she call the police?” “Why didn’t she report him?” Here’s what they don’t see: In her community, calling the police hasn’t led to safety. It has led to child protection showing up. And children being removed. Not the perpetrator. She has watched other mothers lose their children—not because they were unsafe parents, but because they asked for help. She knows that when she calls: • he may retaliate • police may escalate • the children may be traumatized • and she may be named the risk So she chooses the strategy that gives her the best chance of keeping her children with her. Not passive. Not “failing to protect.” Protective. Calculated. Courageous. This is what happens when systems ignore perpetrator patterns and treat survivors’ safety strategies as the problem. If we want real child safety, we must start asking: • What risks does she face if she calls police? • Are we punishing survivors for seeking help? • Are we assessing the perpetrator’s behavior—or defaulting to blaming the mother? Child safety requires seeing the full context. Including the system-created risks survivors are forced to navigate. #SafeAndTogether #StopBlamingMothers #FamilyViolence #Leadership #SystemsChange #SurvivorCentered

No Connection, no Disclosure, no Justice. Every time a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault considers speaking to law enforcement, they are making one of the most difficult choices of their life. And that choice doesn’t hinge on policies or paperwork, it hinges on whether they can trust the officer in front of them. That trust comes from one thing: a genuine human connection. As officers, we need to understand that survivors aren’t testing our patience, they’re testing whether we are safe enough to trust. Trauma changes how people share their story. They may hesitate, contradict themselves, or go silent. Our role is not to judge those moments, but to meet them with compassion, respect, and patience. This is not “soft policing.” This is effective policing. When victims trust us, they disclose. When they disclose, we gather the evidence needed to hold offenders accountable. When offenders are held accountable, lives are saved. So here’s the call to action:    •   Slow down.    •   Listen without judgment.    •   Show victims that we see them, not just their case. If we fail to make that human connection, the abuse stays hidden. But if we succeed, we can stop the cycle and bring real safety to survivors and communities. Let’s never forget, before we are officers, we are human beings. And it’s our humanity that earns the trust to do this job.

This message hits hard—especially in academia. Too often, when someone speaks up about mistreatment, the response isn’t support—it’s hindsight advice: “You should’ve handled it differently.” or “I would’ve done X.” But the truth is, none of us fully understands the pressure, power dynamics, or risks someone is navigating in that moment. In academic spaces—where hierarchies are strong, reputations matter, and careers can hinge on a few voices—survivors are often left not only to endure harm, but also to justify how they responded to it. And then come the bystanders. Those who see, know, and stay silent. Those who choose alignment with power over alignment with what’s right. That silence can feel like a deeper betrayal than the act itself. Empathy in academia must go beyond words. It means withholding judgment. It means recognizing courage in speaking up. It means not being a passive observer when integrity is at stake. We may not know what we would’ve done in their place. But we can always choose what we do now—listen, support, and stand on the right side of dignity.

Questioning a survivor’s story isn’t neutrality—it’s participation in harm. Every time a survivor speaks up, they are pushing through fear, shame, and often years of conditioning that told them to stay silent. To meet that courage with doubt, dismissal, or interrogation without care is not “seeking truth”—it’s reinforcing the very dynamics that allowed the abuse to exist. We need to be clear about something: When systems, professionals, or individuals default to skepticism instead of informed, trauma-aware listening, the impact is real. Survivors are retraumatized. Credibility is stripped. And in many cases, it sends a dangerous message back to the abuser: you are still protected. This is especially critical in spaces like family court, law enforcement, and mental health services—where the stakes are not just emotional, but life-altering. Believing survivors does not mean abandoning due process. It means: • Understanding trauma responses • Recognizing patterns of coercive control • Asking informed questions—not accusatory ones • Ensuring safety is prioritized over optics Because when a survivor is dismissed, the damage doesn’t stop with them. It ripples—to their children, their future, and their ability to trust systems meant to protect. We can—and must—do better. If you are in a position of influence, your response matters more than you think. Listen with intention. Respond with awareness. And above all—do no further harm. #BelieveSurvivors #TraumaInformed #CoerciveControl #FamilyCourtReform #AdcockCoachingLLC

Few days ago, Jill Zawisza and I gave a presentation on the effects of domestic violence in the workplace. Among other things, Jill shared with us some great advice on how to support someone who you suspect is in an abusive relationship.    "I knew something was off, but I didn’t know what to say" is a common refrain after someone learns that a loved one is in an abusive relationship. I can relate - A few years ago, I had a friend who had several of the common warning signs: She stopped attending events and became distant. She had wore long sleeves to cover her arms even in hot weather  Her phone would blow up with messages when we were together. I wanted to be a good friend, but I didn’t know how to approach the subject. It’s hard to know what to do when someone you care about might be in a dangerous situation, and especially hard if you see those warning signs at work.    Jill Zawisza offered up some great advice that might be helpful to anyone in a similar situation: ⤷ Open the conversation by sharing your concern, but avoid making any accusations: “You’re not quite yourself lately, is anything going on?” ⤷ If the person decides to confide in you, listen without being judgmental.  Just let him/her know that you are available and offering a sympathetic ear. ⤷ Help them by providing resources where they can seek assistance if and when they are ready. While it's tempting to try and “solve” the problem, instead provide support and empower the survivors to make his/her own choices.   I’ve assembled some great resources on this important topic: W.O.M.A.N., Inc.: womaninc.org Counseling, training, technical assistance, group services in Spanish & English (in-house) focused on healing & support; connection to DV shelters & other resources & assistance with DV in the workplace policies. Cuav Ltd: cuav.org CUAV supports the healing of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer people through counseling, advocacy & groups. Cooperative Restraining Order Clinic (ROC Clinic): roclinic.org Provides free legal services to help protect survivor’s legal rights, focusing on restraining orders, crime victim representation, and Title IX administrative proceedings. Legal Aid at Work : legalaidatwork.org (Bay Area organization) helps survivors learn & navigate their rights at work. Workplaces Respond to Domestic & Sexual Violence: workplacesrespond.org (National organization) provides resources to employers to prevent and respond to domestic violence, sexual harassment and violence, and stalking impacting the workplace. Staying Safer Plan: bit.ly/3zGtERu Template for survivors looking to create plans to stay safer, identify resources within their social, work and family communities, remind them of items to bring with them if leaving, considerations if planning to leave & ways to stay safer if they intend to stay.   Please share this information with whoever needs it.

Imagine a coworker telling you she’s upset because someone sitting next to her at a business dinner patted her thigh. You might be tempted to be supportive by downplaying what happened, saying, “Maybe they were reaching for their napkin?” Or, “I wish we had a larger table last night; we were definitely sitting on top of each other.” But let’s face it. By dismissing a colleague’s concerns, you invalidate their feelings. You might discourage them from raising their concerns further. You might send a message to not mention any other issues with you. In "11 Steps to Promote Institutional Courage" from Jennifer Freyd, Ph.D., I learned the importance of fostering transparency, supporting victim disclosures, and cherishing truth-tellers and whistleblowers. Let’s explore how we can be better allies for the truth-tellers in our workplace. One of my 7 Ally Archetypes from my books is the Confidant. They believe others, even if they haven’t personally experienced something. They create a psychologically safe space for colleagues to express their concerns and needs. Confidants create a protective layer of support by listening to concerns without downplaying or dismissing what happened. Here are some specific ways to act as a Confidant and support the truth-tellers in your organization: * Believe others’ experiences. Don’t assume something couldn’t happen just because you haven’t experienced it. * Listen and ask questions when someone describes a non-inclusive experience you haven’t had.  * Be courageous with your support if they get pushback from others. For example, if you hear someone say “That doesn’t happen here,” respond with “There’s always a first time.”  * Ask if they’d like your help addressing the issue, and discuss how you can take action. This is an excerpt from my upcoming “5 Ally Actions” newsletter. Subscribe and read the full edition at https://lnkd.in/gJApP5cV #BetterAllies #Allyship #InclusionMatters #Inclusion #Belonging #Allies 🙏

Not all trauma wears black or comes with a funeral. After my recent post on grief in the workplace (which clearly hit a nerve), I’ve been thinking about the other kinds of pain that walk quietly back into the office. The kind you don’t always see. The kind that doesn’t get casseroles or sympathy cards. Like: 🤍 A miscarriage no one knew about 🤍 A messy divorce behind Zoom smiles 🤍 Caregiver exhaustion from holding it all together 🤍 A PTSD flare-up 🤍 A silent struggle with anxiety or depression 🤍 A sexual assault they’re not ready to talk about Here’s the uncomfortable truth: If you lead people, you don’t get to ignore this. Leadership isn’t just about metrics and deliverables—it’s about people. And people bring their whole selves to work, whether we like it or not. So if your radar is off—if you’re too busy to notice someone’s gone dim, detached, or drowning quietly—then it’s time to recalibrate. You don’t need to fix it. You just need to see it. And say something human. Try: 💬 “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter—how are you really doing?” 💬 “Do you want space or support?” 💬 “I’ve got your back, even if you don’t want to talk.” You won’t always get it right. That’s not the point. Showing up matters. Silence doesn’t help. Kindness does. Let’s stop pretending trauma clocks in and out. Let’s build workplaces that hold space for healing, not just productivity. Have you ever returned to work carrying something heavy? What helped—or what do you wish someone had done? Let’s make space for what’s real. #leadingthroughthetoughstuff #leadership #grief #trauma #heartbeatsnotheadcount

International Women’s Day often celebrates progress. But in the digital world, some realities remain uncomfortable. Over the years, through my work in cyber law and digital safety, I have seen patterns that rarely make it into public conversations. 😟 A young woman withdrawing from a job opportunity because someone created explicit fake profiles in her name. 😟A professional hesitating to file a complaint because she feared the investigation itself might expose her further. 😟A student deleting all her social media accounts after receiving threats of morphed images being circulated. 😟A woman receiving anonymous messages reminding her that “the internet never forgets. None of these women lacked strength. What they lacked was clarity about the system that was supposed to protect them. 👉 Where should they report first? 👉 What if the offender deletes the content? 👉 Can platforms be legally compelled to act? 👉 What evidence should be preserved immediately? 👉 How does an FIR actually move forward in digital cases? The law exists. But the pathway to using it effectively is not always clear. Which is why, for me, International Women’s Day is not only about celebrating resilience. It is about building legal confidence in digital spaces. As someone working closely in cyber law and digital governance, there are a few things I am deeply committed to offering women professionals and students: • Practical legal awareness on responding to digital harm • Structured guidance on preserving digital evidence correctly • Understanding how cyber investigations actually move • Clarity on legal remedies beyond simply “reporting” • Spaces to learn and ask questions without hesitation Knowledge does not eliminate harm. But it removes confusion — and confusion is what often makes situations feel overwhelming. Digital spaces now shape our reputation, careers, and opportunities. Women deserve to navigate these spaces with confidence, awareness, and legal clarity. If you are someone who believes women should feel prepared — not just resilient — in digital environments, this conversation is important. This International Women’s Day, my commitment remains simple: To continue building awareness, clarity, and capability so that women know not just that the law exists — but how to use it when it matters. I have also shared a simple digital evidence checklist for women who may need clarity on what to do if online harm occurs. Happy International Women’s Day.