"Most Of Them Have 'Agreements' With Their Spouses": These 18 Professions Apparently Make For Terrible Partners, And I'm Wondering If You'll Actually Agree With Any Of Them

In this post, I wrote about the professions that make for bad spouses. People had a lot to say about it and wrote in with even more thoughts. The answers that came in were quite eye-opening and included details about some of the reasons why. It was quite complicated, as relationships can be — here's what people said:

1. "Dairy farmer. I was married to a herd of dairy cows. I had two Sundays off each month where I got to sleep. I could only leave on Sunday afternoons when there were part-time workers to do the milking. I gave my workers the holidays off. Part-time workers helped me on holidays with the day starting from 5:00 AM - 10:30 AM and 1:30 PM - 6:30 PM. One person milked 160 cows, and I fed 260 cows, heifers, and calves."

—Anonymous

2. "Oil and gas field. Gone for weeks at a time. No guaranteed time off. They miss big events like holidays, weddings, etc., and are always on call, and can leave at a drop of a hat. Divorce rates are through the roof. Money is fantastic, but at what cost?"

—dh00dz0

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3. "Cops and military. I’ve dated both, and they always ended in disaster. Authority jobs like that seem to attract either people who want to make a difference or narcissists who want power. I unfortunately dated only the latter. So much cheating, lying, manipulation, emotional, and physical abuse. I’m sure there are good ones out there, but I haven’t been lucky enough to have found one."

—bitterdaisy336

4. "Professors in higher education! My ex is a professor at an elite university. The tenure track killed our marriage. During which I was a single parent, and he grew more and more removed from the kids and me. He wanted praise and accolades from his research field and colleagues to the point he would spend holidays with his colleagues (we were dragged along) and would regularly say, 'I don't know why their approval means the most to me.' At his university, the divorce and cheating rates are astronomical. He received tenure after eight years, and I thought he would rejoin our family, but his academic aspirations just skyrocketed."

—Anonymous

5. "Nursing and retirement home managers. They are on call 24/7. Older adults with infinite problems, families with infinite problems, and housing maintenance. They have to fill in for missing employees, but there are too many jobs that can’t be delegated. Upper management has unrealistic expectations and demands. You have to be a social worker, bookkeeper, and marketing manager, and take care of everything inside and outside the building. No family life, no sleep, and no money."

—Anonymous

6. "Critical care nurses. They're often exhausted having given their patients all their energy."

—Anonymous

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7. "Security guards. Most jobs are shift work with long hours, and are mostly not 9-5. They have to work big holidays like Christmas or New Year's — you pick one, can’t have both. I’ve been with my partner for over 18 years. He is the most amazing partner, but it does get lonely sometimes, and vacationing alone isn’t as much fun as you might think."

—bluebooky13

8. "Photographers and videographers. We work very long hours, and it’s a lot of stress. If you don’t think so, imagine missing 'that moment' in a wedding or corporate event. Additionally, we often work when others are out partying. Even worse if you have to travel."

"Now, I feel like I have a good relationship with my partner, but I think that is entirely because we chose not to have kids. If we did, it’d be a different story."

—camerats

9. "Film crew anything: grip, gaffer, director, assistant, director, camera operator, assistant, camera operator, PAs — well, there you go, basically everybody, not even counting the actors and actresses. Everybody’s away from home, working intensely, taking on characters, and working long hours, thinking about nothing else other than making a good story happen on film. All of that is so much fun, but hell on relationships where a spouse or significant other is holding down the home front. Just don’t get married and have kids if you’re in the film business or a TV business."

—Anonymous

10. "Musicians. Most of them have 'agreements' with their spouses that they’re only allowed to do certain sex things with groupies on tour (to prevent pregnancy)."

—Anonymous

"I was with a professional musician for seven years. We lived near Austin, TX. I very much enjoyed watching him play and meeting so many other amazing musicians. Very spoiled in that aspect. Did not enjoy when he’d be gone for weeks, sometimes over a month, on tour. Also, he got good enough to do national tours, and those fans were wild! They went nuts just trying to touch his shoes on stage. He cheated a lot and wasn’t strong enough to turn away the groupies. On his last tour, he just never actually came home. They always have to be the main character and act like cheating is a given."

—Anonymous

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11. "Bartenders, frequently. Super late hours by default, generally low wages and no benefits, and often leads to/facilitates addiction. For instance, it’s not uncommon for patrons to “tip” by buying the bartender a shot rather than giving cash, and I’ve known a lot of bartenders to also frequently use cocaine. In addition, having to eject or cut off belligerent drunks can be very dangerous, and every single woman I know who’s ever bartended has at least one stalker story."

"Ultimately, it’s not that bartenders themselves are inherently incapable of being good spouses — it’s that the low pay, high level of stress and danger, and inevitable late hours are generally not conducive to maintaining a stable relationship."

—Anonymous

12. "Retail managers. I worked in retail for 21 years for the largest retail company in the world. They all cheat on their spouses. They all get divorced and marry their associates, and the pattern continues. Understand this — they are at the stores 80% of the time and look for companionship where they spend most of their time."

13. "Postal workers. I’ve been married to one for 12 years. Physically, they’re always tired, and most times it’s like pulling teeth to have intimacy. The hours can vary, and depending on seniority, they’re going to miss important events and holidays. Another issue is the constant flirting I hear about from co-workers and customers. Some are more bold than others. It can be exhausting."

—Anonymous

14. "Mental health therapists. They work when most people don’t, so they aren’t around for school pickups, weeknight activities, dinner, or bedtime. Their clients’ crises come above all else. If they are self-employed in private practice, vacations and days off can come with some form of guilt since they aren’t getting paid. If your child gets sick and needs to be picked up, chances are you won’t be able to reach them to help out since they’re in sessions, and that responsibility falls on you. They do have some flexibility with their daytime hours, but their availability to be present both physically and emotionally when the family needs them is not easy to deal with."

—Anonymous

15. "Lawyers, particularly those who have been successful. They work long hours, get their egos fed by the others in the firm who want to make partner, and don’t like being told they’re wrong about something. Besides, people pay them a lot of money for their opinion, so they often don’t understand why those around them don’t do exactly as they say."

—Anonymous

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16. "Air traffic controllers. The schedule is terrible, most working conditions are exhausting, and unless you do it, you don’t understand the stress of it. You miss family events because leave is hard to get, and we have to put it in a year in advance."

—Anonymous

17. "Funeral directors and morticians. They have crazy work hours, a lot of hours on call, and a very strict vacation policy, combined with the stressful and depressing nature of the job, which leads to emotionally absent partners."

—Anonymous

18. And finally, "Corrections professionals — you’re literally locked up with the inmates, and the pay is mediocre, but you can make more working overtime (spending more time in prison). You have to constantly be on guard for the manipulation of inmates. How hard you work depends on your shift, and the days off are not always Saturday and Sunday."

—Anonymous

"There’s a badass mentality, and so many struggle to turn it off after work. My husband would come home and treat me like an inmate. We had a serious discussion, and he requested a change in location in the prison, which has made a difference."

—Anonymous

What do you think of these jobs? Do you know any professions that make for bad spouses? What was it like? Let us know in the comments. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can fill out the form below.

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