A Psychologist Identifies 7 Key Behaviors That Indicate Unprocessed Grief
Losing someone we love—whether it’s a partner, family member, friend or beloved pet—is something traumatic we all go through. Losses can also include divorce or losing a job as well. Grief is never easy, but it’s different for everyone. It comes in many forms and follows stages that look a little different for each of us. And while some of us may process things more quickly than others, it doesn’t mean that the loss wasn’t felt any less severely.
For others, there’s something called "unprocessed grief," a type of grief that is prolonged and doesn’t seem to improve over time. Otherwise known as "unresolved grief" or “complicated grief,” one 2012 study found that 7% of bereaved people experience this form of despair, one that can even develop into a diagnosable prolonged grief disorder (PGD), per the American Psychiatric Association.
Grief is tough for nearly anybody. Research in 2024 found that 84% of people who have had a loss report that it negatively affects their daily lives. But bereavement can become disordered and develop into someone’s entire identity, which can be understandable given the circumstances.
If you or someone you love may be experiencing this kind of mourning, read on for seven behaviors that may signal unprocessed grief and learn how to finally start healing.
Related: 7 Phrases To Use When a Loved One Is Grieving, According to a Trauma Therapist
7 Signs of Unresolved Grief, According to a Psychologist
While unprocessed grief is the broad term, more people tend to fall within the more specific category of “prolonged grief disorder,” according to Dr. Smith.
She notes that symptoms of prolonged grief disorder (PGD) include the following behaviors. While anyone with unprocessed mourning can exhibit them, these are the key things to be on the lookout for when it comes to PGD. They're also things that can inform a mental health professional, as well, if you’re seeking a diagnosis or starting treatment.
Related: Stop Saying These 9 Common Phrases to People Who Are Grieving, Experts Warn
1. Acting out
Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD,a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, AL, who specializes in grief, says that some people who are going through unprocessed grief may engage in “risky behaviors with a sense of not caring about one’s own life.”
She adds that acting out can also relate to being aggressive and/or problematic within interactions with others.
“Either way, this person demonstrates a lack of caring for themselves and/or their relationships,” she says.
2. Substance use
As part of coping, those with unprocessed grief may turn to substances. They may “increase substance use in an effort to numb or disconnect from the real-life pain of the loss,” Dr. Smith says.
“While this may give the person the impression it is helping, the reality is always there when they are not in an altered state, so it can make it difficult to have times of sobriety because they are not confident of their ability to cope with the reality,” she explains.
3. Not re-engaging with life
Someone with unprocessed grief may stay inside, or if they’re interacting with the outside world, they may do it in such a way that it is “hermit-like,” Dr. Smith shares, “which means they do what they need in the outside world, then return to their figurative shell or cave.”
Related: ‘I’m a Psychologist—These Are the 5 Surprising Things I Swear By To Combat Loneliness’
4. Not acknowledging the loss
“In these situations, the person acts as if nothing has happened,” Dr. Smith states. “They may never speak about the person or situation that the loss is connected to, and may be inclined to avoid things that relate to the person or situation. The underlying sentiment is if they do not acknowledge it, then it is not real, or at least they do not have to ‘deal’ with it.”
This may result in a delayed or complicated form of grief.
5. Acting like everything is okay all the time
You may act like everything is okay all the time or that nothing has changed. You may feel that you are “masked” as you deal with the grief.
“This way of being can involve someone who constantly says they are fine or do not need anything," Dr. Smith says. "It can also manifest as the person seeming to go about their business as if it is ‘same old same old’ when in reality they are not acknowledging the changes that are associated with the loss. It may be true that the person does not need or want anything specifically from you, but there are things needed to help.”
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
6. Ongoing, intense anger
“Being angry and irritable are common experiences following a loss, but an ongoing intense level of them can indicate unprocessed grief because the person is not sufficiently acknowledging what happened and/or the impact of what happened,” Dr. Smith says. “They are remaining at one level of the experience and not going beyond or deeper.”
7. Prolonged guilt
You may experience prolonged guilt for what you could have done or should have done regarding your loved one's death.
“This approach keeps the person in a ‘what if’ spiral and prevents the person from being able to find ways to integrate what happened and find ways to move forward,” Dr. Smith says.
Related: 5 Supportive Things To Say on the Anniversary of Someone's Death, According to a Psychologist
How To Process Grief in a Healthy Way
First of all, if you suspect that you’re going through unprocessed grief, or you’re seeing the signs in someone else, Dr. Smith says that it’s important to acknowledge the loss itself and check in with yourself about your thoughts and feelings about it.
She also shares that you can remove expectations of “shoulds” at this point in your life, specifically when it comes to what you “should” do or feel.
“Grief is a unique experience for each person experiencing the loss, so make space for your own (and others’ own) experience[s],” she states. “Remember that grief is not a ‘one and done’ experience, so prepare to feel it at various points for periods of time.”
She says that if you happen to have advanced knowledge of a possible loss, consider ways to prepare for it ahead of time.
“Advanced preparation will not prevent grief, but people report it can ease aspects of their grieving,” she notes.
And of course, the best treatment regimen can be achieved through seeking the help of a mental health professional.
Up Next:
Related: Gone But Never Forgotten—125 Beautiful Sympathy Quotes and Messages
Sources:
Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience: “Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief”
PR Newswire: “Empathy Releases Annual 'Cost of Dying' Report for 2024”
This story was originally published by Parade on Mar 25, 2026, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a Preferred Source by clicking here.
