Assertive Communication Techniques

Rick Rubin went on stage in Helsinki the day after my talk. Someone asked how he resolves creative differences with artists. His answer was simple: change the conversation from "I disagree" to "let's build it." Then he shared a story: An artist played him a song. The transition didn't work. Rubin told him so. The artist said, "We'll just cut that part in half." Rubin thought to himself: What a dumb idea. But he didn't say that. He said, "Let's try it." The artist played it. It worked. Rubin is a legend. He's produced everyone from Johnny Cash to Jay-Z. Instead, he bit his tongue and let the artist prove him wrong. The principle: when you make an idea tangible, it stops being the person's idea. It becomes something you can both look at objectively and improve together. Once you build it, the truth is obvious. Here's what this looks like in practice: Your designer wants to change the entire homepage layout. You think it's too risky. Instead of three meetings debating it, you say: "Let's build a prototype and test it with 50 users this week." Your sales team wants to restructure the pricing page. Instead of blocking it because you're worried about conversions, you say: "Let's run it as an A/B test on 20% of traffic for two weeks." Your engineer wants to rebuild a core feature from scratch. You think it's overengineered. But instead of killing it in the planning phase, you say: "Spike it out in three days and show me if the performance gain is real." You're not saying yes to everything. You're saying, "Let's find out." Rubin also said something that stuck with me: "If there's disagreement, I always side with the artist's vision. Because to them, it's their career. To me, it's just one piece of my portfolio." Most leaders think backing down makes them look weak. Rubin knows that siding with the person who has the most at stake makes better work happen. Your job isn't to be right. It's to create the conditions where the best idea wins. Stop debating. Start building. P.S. This insight is from this week's newsletter where I break down why Yamaha dominates while Steinway got sold to private equity: https://lnkd.in/efSqP_9K P.P.S. Access additional research links, the podcast, and the full archive in the first comment 👇 Thank you to Nordic Business Forum!

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Don’t be a jerk. We’ve all worked with one - and no one respects them. The real skill is knowing how to disagree without shutting people down. 3 suggestions we share with our students: 1 Frame it as a curiosity gap. Instead of flat rejection, signal openness: “I’m 80% sold, help me with the last 20%.” It shows you’re listening while still raising concerns. 2 Swap “but” for “and.” Improv comics use this trick and it’s a good one, because “but” cancels everything before it. → “I see the advantage and I’m worried about X”. This keeps you additive, rather than being seen as adversarial. 3 Offer a micro-test. Big “no’s” feel threatening. Star a small experiment to lower the stakes and makes you a co-creator. → “Could we A/B this next week?” That’s how you disagree with confidence and keep respect- no jerk required. P.S. Do you ever worry you may sound like a jerk if you disagree with someone?

🧠 We’ve all been mansplained (unsolicited explanations of things we already know) and he-peated (our idea ignored until a man says it). This happens to interns and SVPs, in finance and philanthropy, in boardrooms and basements. Bias is real. And women help it along. Years of social conditioning taught us to bubble-wrap our point in apologies: "I just want to say... " "Sorry I mean...." "I am not sure, but I think..." "Does that make sense? No one is forcing those words into our mouths anymore. We put them there. If I’m the one pressing my own mute button, I’m also the one who can take my finger off it. Uma and I are often on coaching calls, listening to brilliant women explain a challenge in six scenic paragraphs while we bite our lips thinking, 😅 “How do we say: come to the fucking point.... kindly?” 🪞 I’m not saying “talk like a man.” I’m saying talk like a decision-maker. In the workplace, time is money, perception is reality, and clarity is kindness. You can be warm and still be sharp. You can be collaborative without narrating your inner monologue. Here are 4 verbal moves: ❌ Don’t: “ So quick background… long story short… the market, the vendor, last quarter…” ✅ Do: “Decision: approve X by Friday to hit launch. Two reasons: 1) … 2) …” 👉 Write your headline using Verb + Decision + Deadline (“Approve X by Friday”). Then give two bullets max: “Because 1)… 2)…”. Practice with a 6-second voice note; if you spill over, your headline isn’t a headline. ❌ Don’t: “I’m worried we might be a bit behind and it could become an issue.” ✅ Do: “We’re 3 weeks behind; risk €120k. Option A recovers 2 weeks; Option B recovers 3 with a 10% scope cut.” 👉 Translate feelings to facts with this template: “Status: X; Risk: Y; Options: A/B with trade-offs; My recommendation: R.” Ask “What number proves this?” until you have one. ❌ Don’t: “Sorry, can I just add, (gets interrupted)… yeah, no worries.” ✅ Do: “I’ll finish, then happy to take questions. Building on what I proposed earlier, next step is…” 👉 Memorize one boundary line and say it verbatim. Sit slightly forward, palm down, finish your sentence. If credit drifts, tag it back: “As outlined earlier, I’ll proceed with…” Then move to action. ❌ Don’t: “Maybe someone could own this? Otherwise I’m happy to help if needed.” ✅ Do: “I own A. Priya owns B. We need your yes/no today. If yes, I’ll send the plan by 17:00.” 👉 How to: End every contribution with Who/What/When. Ask for a binary (“yes/no”) to force a decision. Follow up in writing within an hour: subject “Decision + Owners + Deadline,” one paragraph, three bullets. 🧩 Different styles can all be powerful; None of them requires apologizing for existing. You’re not too much. You’ve been practicing small. If you want the reps, grab the replay of our 90-min webinar “Confident Communication.”, 👉 https://lnkd.in/ginRMa4q Because the shortest true sentence wins...

Want to transform your communication skills? Start with this self-awareness exercise. Record yourself speaking for 5 minutes on any topic. Leave it for a day (this removes the initial self-criticism). Then review it in three stages: Stage 1: Watch on mute Focus purely on body language. What are your hands doing? How do your facial expressions support your message? Notice your posture and movement patterns. Stage 2: Listen without watching Turn the phone around and just listen. Pay attention to vocal qualities: your pace, volume, tone variations, and energy levels. What do you like? What needs work? Stage 3: Get it transcribed This reveals your communication patterns in black and white. You'll spot repetition, circular reasoning, filler words, and structural issues you never noticed before. One session gives you 5-10 concrete improvement areas. That's your roadmap to becoming a more effective communicator. What's one speaking habit you've noticed in yourself?

After decades of working with leaders at companies like Apple, Salesforce, and Cisco, we've identified 4 storytelling techniques that consistently work to deliver important messages in high-stakes settings: 1. Start with the unexpected Don’t begin your presentation with context. Instead, begin with the moment that makes people think, “Wait…what?” Instead of something like: “Here’s an update on our September campaign…” Try starting with the most interesting detail: “I broke our biggest marketing rule last month, and it worked.” Lead with the surprise. You can add context later. 2. Let people feel the tension After the surprise, don’t rewind to the beginning. Take your audience to the moment where things weren’t working. Flat numbers. Missed goals. Stalled progress. Instead of: “The campaign was underperforming, and our team went back to the drawing board.” Try:  "We were two weeks out from the end of the quarter. The campaign wasn’t producing results, and the team was out of ideas. That’s when I decided to take a risk...” You don’t need to explain the problem. You need to make people feel it. 3. Use real dialogue When your audience hears what was actually said, they stop listening to you and start visualizing the moment. This helps them connect emotionally with what you’re saying. Instead of: “The campaign manager said team morale was low and they were struggling to find a solution.” Try: “My campaign manager pulled me aside in the hallway and said, ‘We’ve tried everything. The team has been working overtime, and we don’t know what else to do.’” Dialogue brings listeners into the moment with you. It makes the story real. 4. Share the lesson Never assume people will infer the meaning you intended. End your story by answering: - What does this mean? - How should someone act differently now? Example: “Breaking our biggest marketing rule helped us turn this campaign around and hit our numbers. I strongly suggest we revisit our marketing guidelines. We could be leaving a ton of revenue on the table.” Without the lesson being clear, even a good story feels unfinished. These are the same techniques we teach to our clients at Duarte. Try them out during your next presentation and watch how people lean forward and tune in to your message. #ExecutivePresence #BusinessStorytelling #PresentationSkills

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

Most teams aren’t unsafe— they’re afraid of what honesty might cost.👇 A confident team isn’t always a safe team. Real safety feels like trust without fear Psychological safety isn’t about being nice. It’s about building an environment where truth can exist — without penalty. Where people speak up because they believe they’ll be heard, Not just to be loud. Here’s how to create a space where honesty doesn’t feel risky: 10 Ways to Foster Psychological Safety in Your Team 1️⃣ Acknowledge mistakes openly ↳ Normalize imperfection so everyone feels safe owning up. 2️⃣ Ask for feedback on your own performance ↳ Leaders go first. 3️⃣ Celebrate questions, not just answers ↳ Curiosity signals trust. 4️⃣ Pause for the quiet voices ↳ “We haven’t heard from X yet. What do you think?” 5️⃣ Replace blame with ‘Let’s find the cause’ ↳ Shift from finger-pointing to problem-solving. 6️⃣ Speak last in discussions ↳ Let others lead; you’ll hear their raw perspectives. 7️⃣ Reinforce confidentiality ↳ Discuss ideas without fear they’ll be shared publicly. 8️⃣ Encourage respectful dissent ↳ Conflicting views spark creativity. 9️⃣ Admit you don’t know ↳ Authenticity paves the way for others to do the same. 🔟 Offer thanks for honest feedback ↳ Show appreciation for candor, even if it stings. 1️⃣1️⃣ Set clear expectations for respectful communication ↳ Clarity creates comfort and consistency. 1️⃣2️⃣ Create space for personal check-ins, not just work updates ↳ Human connection builds trust faster than status updates. 1️⃣3️⃣ Invite rotating team members to lead meetings ↳ Empowering others signals trust and grows confidence. 1️⃣4️⃣ Support team members who take thoughtful risks ↳ Reward courage even when outcomes aren’t perfect. 1️⃣5️⃣ Recognize effort and growth, not just outcomes ↳ Celebrate the process, not just the win. Psychological safety doesn’t grow from good intentions, It grows from repeated proof that honesty matters more than perfection. ❓ Which one will you try first? Let me know in the comments. ♻️ Repost to help your network create safer, more trusting workplaces. 👋 I write posts like this every day at 9:30am EST. Follow me (Dr. Chris Mullen) so you don't miss the next one.

If your team’s not speaking up… you’ve already lost. Not ideas. Not productivity. Trust. And once trust is gone? Innovation stalls. Collaboration dies. People check out—or walk out. The fix? Not another tool. Not another policy. But something far more powerful: Psychological safety. It’s not a “nice to have.” It’s the hidden engine behind every high-performing team. Here’s how you build it—one conversation, one decision, one moment at a time 👇🏼 1. Lead with curiosity, not judgment. ↳ “Help me understand…” beats “Why’d you do that?” 2. Admit your own mistakes. ↳ Model the safety you want others to feel. 3. Give credit generously. ↳ Shine the light on others—often and publicly. 4. Respond, don’t react. ↳ Let people tell the truth without fear of fallout. 5. Invite pushback. ↳ Ask: “What am I missing?” 6. Remove silent punishments. ↳ Reward honesty, not just agreement. 7. Normalize “I don’t know.” ↳ That’s how real learning starts. 8. Make feedback feel safe. ↳ Correct with care. Aim for growth, not shame. 9. Start meetings with check-ins. ↳ Connection before conversation. 10. Celebrate courage, not just results. ↳ Applaud the voice, not just the victory. Because when people feel safe, they don’t hold back. They contribute. They challenge. They soar. If you want your team to rise—safety comes first. Which one of these 10 will you lead with this week? ♻️ Share this with your network if it resonates. ☝️ And follow Stuart Andrews for more insights like this.

Your biggest life advantage isn't your degree. It's knowing how to negotiate.   Most people think negotiation only happens in boardrooms. But you're negotiating every single day.   Getting your kids to bed on time. Convincing your partner where to go for dinner. Persuading your landlord to fix the heating. Talking your way out of a parking ticket. Getting a better price at the market.   Watching senior partners at my old law firm taught me something unexpected. The ones who got what they wanted weren't the loudest or most aggressive. They were the ones who understood human psychology.   🧠 They knew how people actually make decisions. 💓 How emotions drive choices more than logic. ⌛ How timing changes everything.   Now as a business founder, I use those same principles daily. With suppliers, clients, and my team.   Here are 7 techniques that work in real life:   1️⃣ Time conversations strategically ↳ Good moods make people more agreeable ↳ Never have serious talks when someone's hungry, tired, or rushing   2️⃣ Start with their concerns first ↳ Lead with what bothers them, not what you want ↳ "I know you're stressed about money, could we figure out a payment plan?"   3️⃣ Be specific, not vague ↳ Exact numbers and times sound more serious ↳ "Can you call me back by 2pm tomorrow" not "call me back soon"   4️⃣ Find something you both agree on ↳ Start with shared goals before discussing problems ↳ "We both want this to work out fairly for everyone"   5️⃣ Ask questions instead of making demands ↳ Questions get better responses than commands ↳ "What would make this work for you?" beats "You need to do this"   6️⃣ Give them options, not ultimatums ↳ People hate feeling trapped or forced ↳ Choice makes them feel in control even when you set the boundaries   7️⃣ Use silence to your advantage ↳ Stop talking after making your request ↳ People feel compelled to fill uncomfortable quiet with responses   Learning this changed how I handle every conversation.   When you understand the psychology behind decisions, everything becomes easier.   What negotiation technique has worked best for you? Let me know in the comments.   ♻️ Repost to help someone negotiate better 👉 Follow Lauren Murrell for more like this