How Green Was My Valley

Richard Llewellyn

Copyright How Green Was My Valley Copyright © 2013 by Richard Llewellyn Cover art to the electronic edition copyright © 2013 by RosettaBooks LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review. Electronic edition published 2013 by RosettaBooks LLC, New York. Cover jacket design by Carly Schnur ISBN ePub edition: 9780795333385

Contents
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Chapter Twenty-Seven Chapter Twenty-Eight Chapter Twenty-Nine Chapter Thirty Chapter Thirty-One Chapter Thirty-Two Chapter Thirty-Three Chapter Thirty-Four Chapter Thirty-Five Chapter Thirty-Six Chapter Thirty-Seven Chapter Thirty-Eight Chapter Thirty-Nine Chapter Forty Chapter Forty-One Chapter Forty-Two GUIDE TO PRONUNCIATION OF WELSH NAMES

but my father always said there would never be another winter like that one when my mother and him were married. And up and down the street you would hear them singing and laughing and in among it all the pelting jingle of gold. This cloth is much too good to pack things in and I would keep it in my pocket only there is nothing else in the house that will serve. thick to choke the teeth of the comb and always very pretty even when it turned white. with my father and five brothers working. As soon as the whistle went they put chairs outside their front doors and sat there waiting till the men came up the Hill and home. in my time. And they rang when he hit them on something solid. My father and my brothers used to go out in the back to the shed to bathe in summer. I have often stood outside the door looking down the Valley. When the men finished working on Saturday dinner-time. because if he had not. with a head cut off in front. There is a job they must have had carting all those blocks all those miles in carts and wains and not one road that you could call really good. then. And that should make the feeling bigger. my mother would have had nowhere to go these past few years. but I know because I had it from my father. But all I have felt this past hour since I made up my mind is an itch between my shoulders where a piece of wood got threaded in my shirt while it was blowing on the fence to dry. There was a lot of money made over houses. and the lace straw basket is over at Mr. and I am going from the Valley. seeing in my mind all the men coming up black with dust. my mother would hear the whistle and run to put the old stool outside the front door to wait for my father and my brothers coming up the Hill. if you had said that to my mother she would have laughed it off and told you to go on with you.Chapter One I AM GOING TO PACK MY TWO SHIRTS with my other socks and my best suit in the little blue cloth my mother used to tie round her hair when she did the house. the very last man who had a pocketful of them. A good day was Saturday. and she has no notion I am going. Mind. He stopped singing and looked up at her. over the mountain. Little round pieces. and I suppose she looked down to see why he had stopped. The houses. Tom Harries’. My father was paying rent on this one for more than twenty years before he bought it outright. My mother filled the casks with hot water and left wooden buckets full of hot and cold for sluicing. We have had terrible winters since. That is not what I want. then everybody would know I was going. indeed. But I wonder did the last man. sovereign by sovereign. This old blue cloth is a worry to me now. of course. too. When they had finished and put on their best clothes they came in the kitchen for the Saturday dinner. Things were very rough in those days. so it is the old blue cloth. but in winter they came into the kitchen. Solid gold sovereigns like my grandfather wore on his watch-chain. I felt the same for the rose cuttings I took from the garden down to the cemetery. It is nothing to fly at hundreds of miles an hour. He came off a farm to make his way in the iron works here. so I am feeling perhaps better than I should in false pretences. and laughing in groups. and as he came singing up the street one night he saw my mother drawing the curtains upstairs in the house where she was working. wherever that is going to be. made of stone from the quarries. mind. anyway. because the land was all farms. then. stop to think that he was the last man to be able to jingle sovereigns. fathers first and sons or lodgers in a line behind. for I keep having thoughts that it might be torn or lost and I would have it on my conscience for the rest of my life. walking bent-backed because the street is steep and in those days it was not cobbled. they looked and fell in love. Well. but since I did not actually say good-bye to her. There is a record for you. are the same now as they were then. which was . And yet everybody had them here once. I felt very badly just now. But men are different from flowers for they are able to make up their own minds about things. They were married in six weeks after that in the worst winter for years. But in those days money was easily earnt and plenty of it. for then the men were paid when they came off the midday shift. They used to get up in the morning and find their breath had frozen to thin ice on the bedclothes. It has always seemed to me that there is something big to be felt by a man who has made up his mind to leave the things he knows and go off to strange places. My father met her when she was sixteen and he was twenty. And not in pieces of paper either. Even when I was very small I can remember my mother wearing it. not that it will ever happen to anybody again. But only let me see a man with a pocketful of sovereigns to spend. for indeed I think there is something to laugh about when a fuss is made of such nonsense. I think. into the shining laps. Her hair was fair and curly. yellow as summer daffodils. and I have promised it a good wash and iron when I have settled down. All the women used to dress up specially in their second best with starched stiff aprons on a Saturday morning. It must be a fine feeling to put your hand in your pocket and shake together ten or fifteen of them. it does not seem the same as saying good-bye properly. I am glad that he did. and a dragon and a man with a pole on the back. when I said good-bye to Olwen. My mother often had forty of them. If I went down to Tossall the Shop for a cardboard box I would have to tell him why I wanted it. and wrinkled round the edges like shillings. There were no houses built for the men and married people were forced to live in barns and old sheds until enough houses were built. Then as the men came up to their front doors they threw their wages.

and sometimes my biggest brother. but whatever it was. and not just one ham. Mind. It comes to me now. so far my poor old father has been so right I have long thought he must have been a prophet. Sometimes when he opened his eyes he would catch me looking at him and shake his fist at me and say I would come to a bad end. looking at my father. There was a smell with that soup. Two whole pigs hanging up in one kitchen. And after that. My mother was always on the run from the table to the stove to cover the plates with gravy and she was always the last to start her dinner. “Well. so the results of that work should be spent with a purpose and not wasted. so while my sister was washing in the back. There was always a baron of beef and a shoulder or leg of lamb on the dishes by my father.always special. I know it well. Their spending money was fixed because there was little to spend money on. if happiness has a smell. then. but only when I was small. known or stranger. in those days. My father never smoked his pipe at table. mind. for our kitchen has always had it faintly. . But Saturday was always good with us. Hens have got a funny smell with them. round and gracious and vital with herbs fresh from the untroubled ground. either boiled or roast. So in our family. all the year round. from their feathers. for I never met anybody whose talk was better than good food. I think. now. After my mother had taken out the plates with my eldest sister. My father used to close his eyes tight and look up at the stain on the ceiling. one that comes. my father carved the chickens or whatever was there. Fine white and brown hens. and even then my mother was very careful. If he and the boys were going in to Town to buy something. mother’s puddings would make you hold your breath to eat. That was always how it was when there was money to be spent over the usual housekeeping. and some almost pink. a peaceful smell of home and happy people. she would open the lid and sit back. Eat. But just as they work with a purpose. and so big for my little hands that I had to hold it to my chest to carry it back to Mama in the kitchen. whatever was the time of the year. It makes you think of so much that was good that has gone. Then potatoes. I think. here. with me in Mama’s lap. four-pound loaf against her chest. you will get more from your food. they would want a few shillings extra between them and my father would take half a sovereign and share it out. and let me tell you my. would be going. or ducks. my sons. Ivor. holding his hands out across the table. a good cup of tea. there was always thought before the tin was taken out of the kitchen. and that was the main thing. or turkey or goose. It is in my nostrils now. there was no cooking allowed unless my father was going down to the pit to see into some matter or other. Even I can remember that. In front of him were the chickens.” my father used to say. nobody thought of looking at the table to keep the memory of it living in their minds. and you should have seen the eggs they laid. so they could argue as well as the next. There was everything in it that was good. boiled and roast. very warm. and take the pipe out of his mouth to sit up and blow his nose. Sometimes it was a pie or stewed fruit with thick cream from the farm that morning. They would know about the match from their friends on the way home. that showed its rind as it turned over through the steam when the ladle came out brimming over. but a dozen at a time. ready to be sliced for anybody who walked through the door. but no matter. That smell of hens is one of the homeliest smells it is possible to put your nose to. and laying hold of one. and cabbage and cauliflower. my father would ladle out of the cauldron thin leek soup with a big lump of ham in it. and because of that the smell alone was enough to make you feel so warm and comfortable it was pleasure to be sitting there. for you knew of the pleasure to come. “Well. Gwilym?” she would say. If my father and the boys were going over to the Mountain to see a rugby match. Brown. mashed. of course. When she had it on the table. all of them together. there was a wait while my mother got ready to share out the spending money. We had a hen house for years in the back yard. but in those days it was all over the house. Very few of them ever saw the match. Then Mama would tell him to go on with him and leave me alone. all standing up and Mama holding me in the crook of her arm. Indeed. in play. except those in bed or on crutches. and my father paid all the dues once a fortnight. he and my brothers went in the next room. or peas or beans and sometimes when the weather was good. Sometimes there were outings with the choir and now and again a visit to a match over in the next valley or an International in Town.” my father would say. since all the grown-ups were earning except my sisters and my mother and me. “eat plenty. But when that happened the whole Valley. They had their beer down at the Three Bells at the bottom of the Hill. Your mother is an awful cook. And that way. you might say. until the box was so heavy they had jokes helping her to carry it. I can just remember going out and crawling in the straw to the nests while the hen was shouting and flapping her old wings at me. and dark speckly brown. the pudding came out. “Eat plenty. But indeed. Even I was told to hush if I made a noise. and sometimes I was allowed to sit on his knee. When we sat down. it was always good. in her deep voice. but they would all go to Town. We used to start with Grace. After the plates had been polished clean with bread that my mother used to cut holding the flat. So what was the odds if they saw the match or not. indeed. it was lovely to look at the table. of course. carried her and the box and all.” There was never any talk while we were eating. Sunday. just as a man will have his own smell about him. My father always said that money was made to be spent just as men spend their strength and brains in earning it and as willingly. My mother kept all the money in the tin box on the mantelpiece over the fire-place in the kitchen. We always had hams in the kitchen to start with. and all as big as your fist. Every Saturday for years she put her little pile of sovereigns in with the others. But when we used to sit down to dinner on Saturday. mind.

and coming back to pick up the Christian Herald and give it a shaking and put it down. and how he would never drink his tea hot and things like that. “Dada. Bronwen?” she asked. But I was so shy I ran in to Mama and hid behind the wall bed. He said everybody had their own thoughts and likings.” said Ivor. they were like old friends indeed. while she was still looking at herself. and putting her hands tidy to wait. One Saturday afternoon after dinner when Ivor had almost driven my father silly with walking up and down and sighing and going out to the door to look down the Hill.” she said. Ivor must have walked every step of the way over the mountain home because he only got in about an hour before my mother got up to get the breakfasts.” he said. told my father about it. “Go from here. and trained beautiful.” my mother said. “Hullo. He will be the first. and went out to meet her. they got on fine. That went on for half an hour or more until she was satisfied it was hard enough. Hours I have waited in her front room with my penny in my hand. even my father. it must have been very interesting because he missed the competition by hours. My father only laughed.” “Well. but he always knew when enough was going to be too much. looking at the houses on our side till she saw me peeping at her from our doorway. and she smiled. At least. but I only pushed my face in the blankets.” said my father. Dai Ellis the Stable. where it stuck. You could chew that toffee for hours. “Come in. In five minutes my mother knew all there was to be known. Mind. too. and then she let it lie to flatten out. and you could not get him near another pint after that. and if he missed Dai Ellis. And then Bronwen called softly from the front. and never lose the taste of it. and her mouth was red round her long white teeth. talk got so warm that Mama nearly missed sitting outside and my father was shouting a chorus with my brothers almost at the door when she screamed. Rhys the Glasfryn. And nobody would dare to ask. “How are you. “Yes. . he had his bath and went up on the mountain-side to lie in the grass and think. though indeed you could hardly hear. he said he was thinking. thinking of the toffee. you will see. I wondered how long. Even though the Hill was steep and the basket big and heavy she made no nonsense of it. of course. Who is she?” Nobody knew.” Bronwen’s father said. Up she came. Indeed her eyes did go so bright as raindrops on the sill when the sun comes out and her little nose did wrinkle up with her. She had on a straw bonnet with flowers down by her cheeks. but I am sure she knew who it was. and Bronwen had been told most of the little tricks Ivor had got up to when he was small. and she was not exactly smiling. But one Saturday before that. and it was the business of nobody else to go about asking questions and poking their snouts. Huw. Then she took a handful with both hands and pulled it towards her. “Beth. and my mouth full of spit. She made the toffee in pans and then rolled it all up and threw it soft at a nail behind the door. then. and he was well cursed for it. Indeed. “Thinking.” “O. my child. A grand tenor he had from my father. “it is quite time. “There is cold it is. and everything was held tight by the green whipping ribbons. The first time I had real spending money was when Ivor got married. and broad green ribbons tied under her chin and blowing about her face. but whatever it was. My father had had a couple. and my brothers stood up too. and sniffing the smell of sugar and cream and eggs. Bronwen came from over the mountain where her father was a grocer. and went to the little looking-glass to take off this old blue cloth and do something to her hair. Poor Ivor had it very badly too. and then my mother kissed her. She put her head on one side.” my mother said. and I used to buy toffee with it from Mrs. Then my father took my mother over the mountain to meet Bronwen’s mother. They looked at each other for a little time without speaking. Bronwen came over by herself before the men came up the Hill.” he said to me. Coming in after the shift. He was off his food for days. So he was a sad loss. it seems to me now. “What is the matter with you?” my mother asked me. and Bronwen’s father got drunk as a lord down in the Three Bells before he went home that night. A big dark green cloak was curling all round her as she walked. see. opening to show her dress and white apron that reached below the ankles of her button boots. Bronwen served him and I suppose they started talking about one thing and another. mind. and what sort of things he liked to eat. when I went up there one day to him.” From then. as white as lilies. “we will be losing Ivor before long now. “this is Bronwen’s father. you could swallow and still find the taste hiding behind your tongue. and put down the fork she had been cooking with. Ivor met her when he went there to a choir competition and went in the shop for some eggs for his voice.” Bronwen said. indeed. my mother had never seen Bronwen or heard her voice. He never did. week in and week out in snow and all. who took the choir over and back in the brake. sitting down quick. and ran to push out the stool. he walked back all those miles over the mountain in the pitch black. then threw the slack back on the nail again. now. My father sent me from the room as they passed in. “Is that you. we heard a trap pull up outside the door. It must be real love that will have a man like Ivor doing all that just to see a girl for a few minutes with her father and mother in the room. and even after it had gone down. I will never forget Bronwen as she was when I saw her coming up the Hill with the double basket held on her hip. indeed. My father got up knowing he had a visitor.I had my Saturday penny when I was quite small.” He used to go over the mountain twice a week after that. looking at all of them and the room too in one single look. but as though she was wrapping a smile inside a thought. before I will sling you head first in the river. Ivor was at the door being very polite to the father of Bronwen who had come over to see the family. and by the time my mother had made the tea. sir?” “I am very well.

my girl.” My sisters came back from the farm just then and my brothers were bathing out in the back. “Those things are not for you. that is what it is. .“There is something radically wrong here. and the smell of the cooking made you so hungry you would have pains inside. that is past. coal and dirt and all.” Then he saw Bronwen behind the door and he laughed.” said my father. “You have never been late before. was going to kiss Bronwen. “No. but I was always shy of her. Ivor.” he said. Still. mind. But I am the child that was.” My father put his fingers down the back of my neck and pulled me out of the kitchen just when Ivor. Bronwen came over plenty of Saturdays after that. It is silly to think a child could fall in love. and nobody knows how I feel. my son. indeed. And I think I fell in love with Bronwen that Saturday on the Hill. except only me. If you think about it like that. “you will have your turn to come. coming in. Right. I think I must have fallen in love with Bronwen even then and I must have been in love with her all my life since. “Wrong?” he said. so the house was full of noise and laughing.

and the women in their best dresses and bonnets. every bit of it made by Bronwen’s father. and then my older brothers. and too small to be with the other boys. There were tables for the grown-ups under the trees by the Chapel garden. some leaning forward holding their ears. and my uncle gave me a push with his elbow that sent me flying in the aisle with a bump. all the boys had new black suits and bowlers. and the crust on top so pretty with patterns it was a shame to cut. The wedding cake was out under the trees. when nobody else did. There was nearly a fight about where the wedding was going to be. and in any case. and the friends of Bronwen’s family had brought something made special. and opening a hymn book was out of the question. everybody in the village and from all the farms. The big tent was a picture inside with all the food laid out on tables running round the sides. Ianto. and Cedric and me were the wrong size. There was my mother and Bronwen’s crying down on the front. and I was in a new black overcoat with a velvet collar. . And. but my father lent him his white waistcoat. But you should have seen Ivor and Bronwen. and some just sitting down. there is no fence or hedge round Time that has gone. But I remember the tunes of some of them and asked my father afterwards. as though I was still small. When we wanted more. and indeed I often dream of it. with horse-shoes and little balls of silver spelling out Ivor and Bronwen’s names and the date. and I can still feel how I felt. and my father and Bronwen’s standing next to them. but all we could see was their boots and the bottom of their dresses. and the grown-ups were serving other grown-ups. so her mother said. the Chapel looks the same now as the day it was opened by some preacher from Town. and one would kneel while the other worked whatever came handy. I got up trying to wipe the dust off my new coat and the preacher stopped what he was saying to look down at me. because everybody knew everybody else would be looking to see what had been brought. you would be surprised how quick it went. Every time Cedric got up to get more he chose jelly or blancmange. some of the men hummed to themselves and you could see all the older women’s bonnets nodding like the wind passing over a field. and of course it was in the wrong place. Bronwen’s father had baked till all hours and you should have seen the stuff he brought over. In the big tent they had the food and in the small one the drink. but they were all so busy talking and eating. But everybody there listened very close. it would be a shame to start and spoil the show. of course. The Chapel was packed so full there was no room to lift your arms. it was a fine day. and it looked a real treat on him. and all those people were still alive. Everybody said how beautiful she was. and indeed we did very well for ourselves under the long table. I wished I could have dropped through a crack. But Bronwen. The preacher gave a fine sermon. and the grown girls were full of small children to be fed. with a bunch of pinks in his buttonhole. We had no preacher of our own for a long time because the village was not rich enough to pay one. I was down farther with my sisters and my other brother. it looked as though it could never all be eaten. that we had to make the best of it. My father wore his top-hat. There were pies so heavy that two men had to lift them. She had her great-grandmother’s dress on. and the table cloth covered the rest. It is a good job they all knew the words of the hymns backwards. I hummed myself. Ivor got married to Bronwen in our new chapel as my father wanted. Indeed. and fine times we did have. and you could hear them clucking their tongues all over the Chapel. Indeed if me and Cedric Griffiths had not found a hole in the back of the big tent we would have been empty. and some leaning back with their eyes shut. You can go back and have what you like if you remember it well enough. The women were walking right by us. mind you. I used to play in the bricks and blocks and plaster with the other boys while the men were working. and indeed even though it had been washed special. but I took cakes or a pie. For a miracle. I will never forget the party after the wedding when Ivor and Bronwen had gone up to the house to go away. that anybody rushed with their plates. standing with my aunts and uncles. and flowers in jugs and buckets. But when my mother clapped her hands at the crowd and told them to eat. Every man in our village had been helping for months in the evenings to build our chapel. and Owen. He had a new black suit too. He used some big English words I had never heard before because our meetings were taken by the grown-ups in our language. Whenever he said something extra. white and going up in three rounds. the lace was still looking a bit brownish. Bronwen’s father wanted it done in the Zion chapel over the mountain. Davy. or so I thought and no wonder being that old. once. so the grown-ups took turns to preach and pray. too big to be fed by girls. I suppose I must have got the tunes wrong because although my father tried and said them over again. There is a swell I was. we crawled out. They went in Dai Ellis’ best trap with the white mare that used to take the Post. and you should have seen the fun after. and of course the choir was always there. although come to think of it. and everybody turned round to look at me. but the children had theirs in their hands on the grass by the baptism tank. my mother had a new grey dress and bonnet. we never found out what they were and I am still in ignorance to this day.Chapter Two A GRAND TIME we had at Ivor’s wedding. but my father was sure our chapel would be ready in time. Not. so by the time it was all on the tables. It is very strange to think back like this.

“Go on, boy,” Cedric whispered, “there is soft you are to eat old cake when you can have jelly with you.” I think perhaps he kept to that way of thinking all his life because he always did very well. Last time I heard, he was running a boarding house on the coast and doing splendid. Still, we had to suffer for being pigs later on when they started the races for all of us. My brothers had been looking for me to go in the little boys’ race and never mind how I shouted and struggled, I had to go in too. I always hated people in crowds, and it was that and the thought of being beaten in front of them all that made me kick and shout. But in the end I started because Davy threatened to take off my trews in front of the girls and smack my bottom. That was enough for me. Davy was never one to promise and not keep his word. So I went in the race with about a dozen other boys and I won and I was sick. Davy thought I was dying and indeed I was so giddy I kept falling over, till Dr. Richards gave me a glass of cold water, and that did it. Then Davy and Ianto gave me a whole sixpence each and I won the prize too, and my father gave me a shilling for that. Mama called me in the tent and took all my money away for the box, and gave me three pennies to spend instead, and put a chair to the table for me to sit on for more jelly and cake. In the evening after we had finished tea we all sat on the grass on horse cloths and sang hymns and songs, and we had prizes for the best. Indeed if I was not chosen again for the best voice among the small boys. There is pleased my father was. I will never forget the way he looked when Mr. Prosser, St. Bedwas, gave me the sweets. Singing was in my father as sight is in the eye. Always after that he called me the family soloist. That night he held my hand tight all the way home, with my mother on his other side, and my sisters behind us. There is strange how things come back if you start to think of one thing and become tangled up in memory. Because sometimes you think of a thing, and it reminds you of something else, but nearly always you forget why it should remind you, and you find you have forgotten the link between them. Ianto was married after that to a girl in the village who was staying with relations. I never saw much of her because her father invited Ianto to go and work with him after they were married, and go he did, and got married up there. I was out of that picture because I had the mumps, but my mother and sisters went, and they were sorry for Ianto when they came back. He had got in with the wrong lot, my mother said, and we heard nothing from him after that for years. Mama always worried after him but it was no use. Davy was the brain of the family. He always wanted to go in for doctoring, but Dr. Richards said he was too old. Whenever there was an accident in the pit you would know Davy was about with the bandage box, and if anybody was hurt in the village Davy was always sent for. He never charged anybody only for what bandage and ointment he used, and he was very well thought of all over the district. He began to get very moody when I was going to school, and soon I stopped asking him questions about sums because he would never answer. My father asked him after supper one night what was the matter. Davy was a long time answering. Such a long time I was afraid my father would take his mind off him and think of sending me to bed. He was always strict that I should be in bed by eight at night. “Dada,” Davy said, and he was staring into his empty cup, “I am not a bit happy.” “I am sorry to hear that, my son,” my father said. “What is wrong here, Davy?” my mother asked. “Everything,” Davy said. “Everything. And yet nobody seems to notice. And if they do, nothing is done.” “Let me hear you,” my father said, “and if it is something a man can do, you shall have it done.” “No, Dada,” Davy said, “there is nothing you can do. It is something for all of us. It is this. Next week our wages are going to be cut. Why? Just as much coal is coming up, in fact, more than last year. Why should wages be cut? And then, look, the ironworks are closing and going over to Dawlais and they are calling for men for Middlesbrough. Are the men from the ironworks going to follow iron to Dawlais, or to Middlesbrough, or are they going to the pit for work?” Davy was staring hard at my father, and his eyes were shadowed by his hair which was long and fell down over his forehead. “Well,” my father said, moving his pipe as he always did when he was worried, “wherever they will find work, I suppose.” “To the pit,” said Davy, nodding, “and the pit is well supplied with men. The Owain boys have had to go over the mountain for work. So what chance have others, when their uncles and fathers have been here years? I will tell you what will happen, Dada,” said Davy, and he got up to go to the mantelpiece and tap the box, “you will soon have this as empty as my pipe.” “Nonsense, my son,” my father said, very surprised and looking at my mother. “Goodness gracious alive, that will never happen while there is coal.” “We will see, now,” said Davy. “When those ironworkers gather round the pit for work, you will have some of them offering to work for less, and the manager will agree. You will see, now, and the older men and them with more pay will be put outside, too. And you will be one if you are not careful.” “There is silly you are, boy,” my father said and laughing. “Come on, Beth,” he said to my mother, “give us a good cup of tea, will you. And you,” he said, catching sight of me, “off up to bed. Quick.” As Davy said, so it happened. The ironworkers started to work in the pit for not much more than some of the boys. Some of them even started pulling the trams in place of the ponies. A lot of the older and better-paid men got discharged without being told why, although it was put out that they were too old and could not work as well as they ought. But that was nonsense, because Dai Griffiths, one of them, was one of the best in the Valley and known for it. My father had been working for some time on the surface as checker. When the coal came up, he put down how much coal was in the tram and who had worked it. On that figure, the men were paid. So he was a kind of leader, and

indeed the men looked to him to settle most of the troubles that arose among them. And there were often plenty. One night he came home from a meeting at the Three Bells and very glum he was. Davy was sitting at the table reading and I was doing a bit of drawing in the bed corner. “Davy,” my father said, “we are going to strike.” “All right, Dada,” Davy said, with quiet. “Have you decided what you will do when you have had your discharge?” “I will have no discharge,” said my father, angrily. “That is what the fight is for. Proper wages, and no terms that are not agreeable to us all.” Davy looked up at the box and smiled. That only made my father angrier, although he kept it to himself. “Why were you up here when you should have been at the meeting?” he asked Davy. “Because I wanted to see what they would do, first,” said Davy. “Now I know, I can do something. And the first is, you keep out of it, Dada, and let me do the talking.” “No,” my father said, “I will not. They have asked me to put the case, and put it I will.” “Then,” Davy said, “Gwilym and Owen and me will soon be keeping this house going. You will join Dai Griffiths and the rest of them.” “We will see about that,” my father said. And indeed Davy was right again. My father and two other men went to see the manager and came back quiet and cheerless. There was nothing to be done, they said, only strike work. So strike work they did. For five weeks the strike lasted, the first time, and the men were only back two days when they came out again because a dozen of them were discharged, my father among them. The second time they were out for twenty-two weeks. Pits were working all round the Valley, but nobody outside our village seemed to care. So on it went, right into winter. Then some men came down from Town with somebody from London, and my father went to see them by himself. By that time people were feeling the pinch. Food was scarce and so was money, and if the women had not been good savers in better times, things would have gone very hard. As it was, savings were almost at an end, and my mother was dipping into our box to help women down the Hill who had big families still growing. Poor Mrs. Morris by the Chapel, who had fourteen, and not one older than twelve, had to go about begging food, and her husband was so ashamed he threw himself over the pit mouth. My father came back worried but steady after speaking to the men. My mother asked him no questions. “We have finished the strike, Beth,” he said. “But our wages must come down. They are not getting the price for coal that they used to, so they cannot afford to pay the wages they did. We must be fair, too.” “Are you having your job back, Gwilym?” my mother asked. “Yes, my girl,” he said. But I thought he looked queer at my mother when he said it. I found out why a couple of mornings later. The men went back the morning after my father had spoken to the owners, and you should have seen the Hill as they went down. It was early morning and cold, and the moon had not yet gone down. White frost was hard and thick on the roadway and roofs, and all the lit windows threw orange patches all the way down. As the doors opened and the men came out, their wives and children followed them into the road and stood to watch them go. My father was one of the first, with Davy, and as soon as the men saw him they started to cheer, for they all thought he was the saviour of the village. But my father was not a vain man, and he disliked any show about him. So he waved them all quiet and started to sing. As soon as they heard his voice, tenors and altos waited for their turn, then the baritones and basses, and then the women and children. As soon as the singing started, all the doors opened all the way down the Hill, and men and women and children came out to fill the road. I looked at the smooth blue sky and the glowing white roofs, the black road, choked with blacker figures of waving men passing down the Hill between groups of women with children clustered about their skirts, all of them flushed by flickering orange lamplight flooding out from open doorways, and heard the rich voices rising in many harmonies, borne upward upon the mists which flew from singing mouths, veiling cold-pinched faces, magnifying the brilliance of hoping eyes, and my heart went tight inside me. And round about us the Valley echoed with the hymn, and lights came out in the farms up on the dark mountain, and down at the pit, the men were waving their lamps, hundreds of tiny sparks keeping time to the beat of the music. Everybody was singing. Peace there was again, see.

Chapter Three
I WENT TO SCHOOL with Mrs. Tom Jenkins in a little house far from the village. Tom had been burnt by molten iron at the Works and had done nothing for years only lie in a chair, and his wife had started a school to keep things going. She had two little girls of her own, and while she was teaching they used to sit on stools by the board, separate from the payers. Tom was always in pain, so lessons were often broken off when she went out to see if she could do anything for him. We learnt sums and letters, some history and the names of towns and rivers and where they were. Mrs. Tom Jenkins had come from Caernarvon where her father had been a book seller, so, of course, she knew a lot. Indeed I will give her what she is due, for she gave us more than our fourpennyworth a week. That was when I was taught to think, but I was never aware of it until I started to work. The other boys and girls who were there with me have all done well, though I am not certain they would say the same for her. We used to sit in her front room on stools and rest our slates on our knees. Mrs. Tom stood in front of a blackboard nailed on the wall and wrote with knobs of chalk. First thing when we got in, she made us hang up our hats and coats tidy, and then walk into the front room and say good morning to her, and to the little girls. Then we turned about, and the boys set stools for the girls, and the girls got the slates and pencils for the boys. When we were all ready, we stood to sing the morning hymn, and Mrs. Tom said a little prayer, asking a blessing on us all, and strength of mind and will to live and learn for the benefit of mankind. I remember well trying to think about mankind. I used to try to build up something that would look like mankind because the word Man I knew, and Kind I knew. And I thought at last, that mankind was a very tall man with a beard who was very kind and always bending over people and being good and polite. I told that to Mrs. Tom one evening when the others had gone and I was helping her to put Tom right for the night. “That is a good picture of Jesus, Huw,” she said. “Is Jesus mankind, then?” I asked her, and very surprised I was. “Well, indeed,” she said, and she was folding Tom in a blanket, “He did suffer enough to be mankind, whatever.” “Well, what is mankind, then, Mrs. Jenkins?” I asked her, for I was sure to have an answer because I had puzzled long enough. “Mankind is all of us,” Mrs. Tom said, “you and me and Tom and everybody you can think of all over the world. That is mankind, Huw.” “Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins,” I said, “but how is it you ask every morning for us to help mankind, then?” “Because,” she said, “I want you all to think not only of yourselves and your families but everybody else who is alive. We are all equal, and all of us need helping and there is nobody to help mankind except mankind.” “But why do we pray to God if there is only mankind to help?” I asked, because my father was always saying that God was the only help a man could put his trust in, and what Mrs. Tom was saying was new to me. “Only God will tell you that, Huw,” she said, and she was looking at Tom. But Mrs. Tom never knew I heard what she said under her breath. “If there is a God,” she said to herself. She was looking at Tom just before she slipped his night-cap on. He had caught the iron over his head and shoulders. He was blind, of course, and his nose was burnt off, and his mouth was like a buttonhole with his teeth all black inside, and his head was naked and a purplish colour. He would have been about thirty, then, and my father said he had been a well-favoured man and the finest tenor in the Valley. Now he could only make funny noises in his throat, and I am not sure he knew Mrs. Tom or his little girls. So looking back I am not sure I can blame her for saying what she did. That was when I started to think for myself, and perhaps that was what made me come down to this. Not that I am not satisfied with what I have become, or that I am where I am. Only that if I had not started to think things for myself and find things for myself, I might have had a happier life judged by ordinary standards, and perhaps I might have been more respected. Though neither happiness nor respect are worth anything, because unless both are coming from the truest motives, they are simply deceits. A successful man earns the respect of the world never mind what is the state of his mind, or his manner of earning. So what is the good of such respect, and how happy will such a man be in himself? And if he is what passes for happy, such a state is lower than the self-content of the meanest animal. Yet, looking round this little room, such thinking is poor comfort indeed, and strangely empty of satisfaction, too. There must be some way to live your life in a decent manner, thinking and acting decently, and yet manage to make a good living. My father was a great one for honest dealing, but he never had his reward down here, and neither did my mother. I am not bitter about anything, and I have no feeling left inside me to be scornful. I am only saying what is in my mind. The first time I saw my father as a man, and not as a man who was my father, was when I was coming home from school to my dinner the day the men went back to work after the strike. We were all running through winter rain, cold and grey and stinging like needles, splashing in the ruts and puddles, with the hedges whispering aloud as the bare twigs whipped at the drops, and the ditches bubbling and

It seems to me there is a nest of hornets growing in the back bedroom here. now. that his eyes were open wide and staring black and his face was white and covered with sweat that winked in the light. then. swearing.” My father was looking absently at me.” Davy said. On Saturday they came in to dinner with us. Ivor Morgan.” Ivor said. Gwilym was only fourteen then and just started work on the coal face. Dada. “Davy wants socialism. “Now if he said the colliers. “He would never stand to talk two minutes together with me. I shut my eyes in fear and kept them shut a trembling long time. His hut had been taken away.” “But. and ever since I could remember there had always been three huts.” I could have told him the reason. and yet she never . and go to your bed. “if it will have you out of the cold. and if I did. She had a way of looking at you that had a smile in it.” my brother Gwilym said.” “If I freeze to death. the quietest of us all. looking at the gap between the other two huts. I stood still as the others raced on. He slept in my bed. Leave me out of it. and say that married men were useless in any cause because of their dependents. I will not have people going without just because I am standing in the cold.” Davy said. and the one used by my father was the green one in the middle.frothing on either side. The checkers had their own little huts to stand in when it was raining or cold. “Do you want Dada up here with the strap?” “But what is it Davy wants?” I whispered.” my father said. “and drown like a rat. now.” said my father. I was in the back bedroom with the others and I felt bound to speak up even though I knew it was wrong. by God you can. Let us all stand together and you will see how they will act. “And he wants a union with everybody in it. but he held his tongue where Davy either would not or could not. too. Davy came up to bed then. Whether my staring eyes made him look up or not. and my mother crying. but when he saw me he moved his pencil from his mouth and put his finger up as though to say I was not to tell my mother. My father was standing in the rain.” “But if they find they can do things like that to the spokesman.” I said. And here he was.” Gwilym whispered. and our chests growing cold and sticky as the wet coats got wetter. but nearly always on a Sunday they went over the mountain to see Bronwen’s father and mother and go to the Zion there. “I can see trouble coming in this family before long.” “Yes. That night I was in bed in this room when I woke up and heard my father talking to Davy. and then waved me to go on home.” Gwilym whispered. My father was out of his chair for the strap in a moment.” I whispered. He told my father that Davy would have himself known for a rebel and get himself put on the black list at the pit if he was not very careful. but my father said it was no use to talk. I had stopped being shy with her. “Do you think I will allow my father to stand like a dog in the rain and not raise my hands to stop it?” “Look after yourself.” There is surprised my father was. and the hair on my neck came up like a brush.” “You can call it what you like. A cold tickle went down the bones of my back. even. and went down to Bronwen. so I walked out of the house instead of running. with impatience.” my father said. checking a tram into his book held under the fold of his sopping coat.” But his eyes were full of laugh. and got up on his elbow. when we came up the rise where the lane joined the colliery road.” my father said. all over the world I think he said. but Gwilym was flying from the house and running down the hill like the spirit of the wind before my father reached the nail.” my father said. although my mother never went down there unless she was asked. and how angry was Ivor. “before you will have a couple. “You will get nothing without a fight. saying something that was so wicked it made my body ice. “I will be one. Ivor and Bronwen had their own house further down the Hill. There is more sense in Davy’s big toes than you have got all over you. one for each checker. Be silent. no matter.” “Hold your tongue this minute.” “Go from here. “You shall not make my case a plank for your politics. for I heard Davy call him an old stick in the mud before that. so low I am sure only a mouse and Gwilym could have heard. so that I could see when he put the candle down and sat looking at it. feeling our feet freezing as the water went over the tops of our boots. and not only that.” Davy said.” Gwilym was lying in the next bed and I could hear from his breath that he was awake and listening.” my father said. “I will have no more talk on it. It must be all the pits at once. “Fight against the bloody English. “what are you going to do? You will die of cold when it starts to snow. although he had been working the ponies for nearly a year. and nearer still the place where the checkers stood to rate the trams. “Gwil. He was standing in a puddle made by the drips that fell from his coat. The boy had the blood in him and there it was. I can take care of myself. “what does Davy want to do?” “Shut your mouth. so Bronwen was often in with my mother. “Then what is it he wants?” Ivor asked. and his hair was plastered down his face. It is no use one pit coming out. Dada.” Davy was shouting. boy. Ivor felt just as badly about my father as Davy did. “You shall not make me an excuse for more striking. I would be with him. “You shall use no blasphemy in this house. I would deserve a worse death than that.” my father said. and then I must have gone to sleep. and stopped us talking. “what will they try and do to the men?” “We will see.” “There is nonsense for you. Just over the low hedge we could see the cage and power house. “But this I will tell you. “There is more Davy in him. I do not know to this day.

That afternoon I said nothing to her till she had made a cup of tea. And I would tell her what it was. boy. “If that is a rebel. “Go on.” “Good. “He is. “I will have them for making my Dada stand in the rain. “Fight you. “Look. “indeed. “And he is the one.” she said. Huw. That is all I know. “now I am a rebel properly.” she said. and yet I was a boy and ignorant. Men to fight. “Well said. Huw. and she was frowning as she bent. though. but she seemed to care nothing for the broken cup. “Well. Else I kept my peace. now. will you?” . yes.” she whispered. “I am going to fight with them. “And what is the matter with the old man this time?” she would say. What is Davy going to do.” she said. and laughed.” “And what is the old man going to do?” Bronwen asked.” Bronwen started to collect the pieces of cup. and I felt angry that she should know as a woman.” But I asked her again. so you never knew whether to smile back or keep a straight face. so let it rest now.” she said. women to help. “if you will have it. Bron? Nobody will tell me.” I said. if it was anything. Go and call Ivor for me. She started to call me The Old Man just after she had set up house.” I said. That is why there are men and women.” Bronwen put her arms round me so quickly she knocked over the tea. Davy is trying to make things better his own way.properly smiled.” “Are you a rebel. You go and call Ivor for me.” she said. Bron?” I asked her. “Davy is going to fight the English.” “Gwilym is too young to have sense. “Davy has. old man. “I had it from Gwilym. and whenever I went down to her she stopped whatever she was doing and gave me that look till I had sat in Ivor’s big chair. “you are too small to know about such things.” I said to her.” I said. It is funny the ideas a small boy will have.” I said. and knelt down by me.

I went up with the candle and got under the blanket with all my clothes on. of course.” “For who?” I asked. They were going to have a union. son of Dai Ellis the Stable. there would have been ructions.Chapter Four I ASKED MY FATHER about Davy. although he had no notion what he meant. “Good boy. always coming in just before Davy. and that is through other small boys. not through the door. Do that and do it properly and that is all.” my mother said. The floor. It is strange how loud little sounds become when you are in the dark and doing something wrong.” I said. scolding and moaning when I put down a foot and picked it up. but at last. “Yes. boy. But at last the sash was up enough for me to climb through. I was not sure whether to start shouting then or wait until I landed on the ground. and even then the bedclothes breathed so loud it was like putting back some old man. now. Bit by bit it went up. and instead of natural talking. I held my breath and pulled all sorts of faces as I raised the little sash. resting on the frozen sill. I . and the carpet. and I remember I could do nothing with my lower lip when I was telling him. Each plank had something to say. To him I went next day coming from school. when I thought I would stick there all night unless my head would be squashed through the wall. As I ran down toward Dai Ellis the Stable. Dada. so that I can help them. was so easy that I was calling myself all sorts for being such a cry-baby less than a minute afterward. the colder blew the draught and the more shivery I got. That night. I would never split on Gwilym. But the truth is I found out about Davy in the usual way a small boy finds out things he is denied to know by older people. Then I knew why Gwilym was never in bed till late. was stretching and grieving all the way to the chest of drawers by the window. and was still till a week ago. because he was always in trouble. but climbing up the shed to get in this little window. It sounded very noble and desperate. “There is a meeting on the mountain to-night. I heard it as I was trying to force my head through the space between my bent knee and the top of the window. There is silly you feel when you find yourself unable to control even your own mouth. and inch by inch. and what between listening for noise downstairs and squeaks in the window. There was one time there. “there is dull you are. I got a sort of squint in my ears. too. and the more it went. of all the other meetings that had been going on for months. So we both said we would go up on the mountain that night and see what there was to be seen. after I had kissed Mama and Dada good night. then I had to pull up the rest of me to get the other leg through. “you have your sums to learn and your own work to do. and told him there was some plot or other with my brother at the head.” Mervyn said. First I got one leg out in the cold. Sliding down and gripping the edge.” my father said. “Candle. Mind what I say. and that is where the fight started between my chin and my knees. I remember thinking that if I shouted on the ground.” Mervyn said. but my heart was beating so loud I was sure they would hear downstairs. Huw?” my mother called up. I was out of it. To push up that window was to suffer for years.” “You mind your own business. I was not exactly afraid now that the time had come. Your own brother and you never knew that. until at last I could easily have shouted downstairs that I was going out and I could have taken the strapping without a murmur in pure relief. to say nothing of the strap.” I said. but if I shouted now he would run out and catch me and perhaps skin me alive. after enough time. ready at the slightest movement from downstairs to leap for the bedclothes. and sounds of somebody coming outside. was one of my best friends then. Mervyn said. I was saved all that trouble by catching the toes of my boots in the gutter edge and that brought me to a stop. and of the men who had come over from the other valleys round about. indeed. Mervyn Ellis. “and I should know. and swinging for a bit before I dropped down.” He told me. “All the other boys know. “Davy and the men. I would get nothing from my father until I was well. though I said nothing. and if my father had known he was coming in so late through the window. The tiles outside the window sloped down to the guttering and from there you had to be made of putty. my mouth was going all shapes as though it was feeling proud of itself. Mama. and the next thing I knew I was through the window and slipping on my front down the cold tiles feet first toward the guttering and a five-foot drop. then. and I knew I would never meet his eye if he caught me. and my foot outside the window kept slipping on the tiles and making a shocking noise.” I blew out the candle and lay there looking at the blue criss-crossed square where the window was. I know. and that was when the real trouble started. It was my father’s chair scraping on the stones downstairs that got me through. my son?” my father asked me. and I was hurt. I knew that because the cold draught often woke me up. When I got up the old bed creaked so much I could have given it a good kick for its trouble. It frightened me so much that I must have gone smaller or something. “And what do you want to know for. “I know. too.” I am sorry in a way I disobeyed my father after that because it was always a worry to me. I must say. it seemed to me. then. It seemed to go stiff with me. “Are you in bed.

I had forgotten there was five feet of brick to be climbed before reaching the gutter. Indeed I have never made more faces at anything. with my teeth gnashing so much they nearly shook my head off. So I started to wheel it inch by inch nearest to the place under the guttering where I could climb up.” I said. and more splash and slop. and carefully I went in a little bit at a time until I was all in and standing on the carpet. and the very sight of him framed in the light stuck my feet to my boots. My tongue was like a piece of steel in my mouth. too. smelling of old earth and moss and everything that is bent and cracked. Now we were out. So cold I was that the slates felt quite warm as I lay on them to slide up. and if I had known any swearing I would have had that in.” “Stay you. hundreds easily. and I said nothing to Mervyn. and while we were waiting there holding our breath we heard a lot of low voices over on the other side as though a crowd of men had all agreed about something. Standing. we kept thinking of the witches that lived up in the caves. with black shadows in the cheeks and under the eyes. And then. me. indeed. The dark old barrel covered me right up. and stood under the spout by the kitchen door. For minutes I must have stood there dribbling wet and up to my knees in water that froze my legs and feet through to the bones. There were crowds of men there. never mind the moon or the witches. or I would have had it for sure. and if you had seen my father’s face you would have known why. and bumped down with a boom like a drum. On the other side of the river we started to run up the path up the mountain-side through the trees. Never have I heard such a noise as that old barrel made. and although I could hear nothing only very faint. I gave Mervyn a jog and climbed down. We went down the mountain double fast. I slipped on the sticky moss. indeed.” “Not yet. too. and crossed the river. and I left Mervyn by the sty to go through the lane to our back way. “but I am going from by here now. First it scratched its old rim on the cobbles. Out of the trees and in the fields we felt better off because the moon was giving a bit of light. Then I thought of the water butt. and cocked up my leg to get over the gutter. that he was ready to give up and go back to bed. nearly dead with fright. “I want to hear what they are going to do. it was. I pulled myself up over the edge and balanced there to let the water drip off me and the wind blew so cold where I was wet it was like razors cutting at me.remembered Dada saying that too many people shout before they are hurt. “Where have you been. my son?” he said. Up I got. So when I found nobody was rising. and a boy’s face is like death indeed. when I had it under the place I wanted and I had got up on the edge of the rim. We were so busy being frightened we almost forgot what we were up there for. But when he went in. when a boy has done something special. Then it pulled itself out of my grip because it was so heavy. But when I got underneath our window I found there was no way for me to get in. and there I found him. I crept double round the back of the house to the pigsty where Mervyn was meeting me. but I knew how he felt because I was the same. though moonlight is something I can do without at any time for comfort. so that we could see the stones only because of the white whiskers the running stream put round them. Here was something to cry for. “Back. of course. listening to Davy. indeed. Even the grass goes grey. all in their overcoats with caps pulled down. and fell inside in the water with such a noise that the hens woke up and screeched to make your eyes cross. and have the girls looking at us the way girls do. Quietly I got my legs through. I could tell by his hands how his voice would be sounding.” Mervyn said. and nothing would move me. too. the black mare who was sick. Nothing is so creepy as that pale light splashing over everything that makes white look shining and everything else greyish blue and soft black. So we both pretended we liked coming out like this.” I said. and nothing felt better than to catch hold of the sill and rest there to breathe and feel I was up at last. then. and I knew what his face would be like without looking. Then. But Dai Ellis happened then to open the stable door where he was sitting up with Bess. boy. He would not let on. We stopped dead and crawled to the hedge. I was colder with fear than the wind or wet. and what sport it was. We went over the pigsty and climbed the stone wall that led to the river. and although Mervyn said nothing to me. It was much bigger than me. “quick. I for one nearly fell backwards with surprise. and silver points in the eyes themselves. He was standing on a piece of rock. we climbed up the stones and looked over the hedge. that my father lit the candle. So contemptuous I felt. I pulled Mervyn’s arm just in time to stop him running full-tilt through Jones the Chapel’s field. and run we did till we were almost dropping. and there is a fine contempt I was feeling for myself as I climbed through the hole in the fence. that I was ready to brave anything just to show myself I was not the coward I thought I was. I was at pains to be out of it sharp and lively. then it splashed and slopped its water. crossing the stepping-stones very carefully because it was dark and the trees shut out the light.” And I went. until we saw the light of lamps shining on the leaves of a may tree growing on a hedge in front of us. standing in ranks. and how we would swank with the other boys in the morning. And under my breath I was telling it to hisht and for shame. . lying there looking both ways to see if we had been seen. I know he was thinking the same as me because I saw him looking round once or twice and then go on faster when he found me watching him. It was knowing that that made me more afraid than being caught up there. as though the act of making a face would excuse the noise to the listening quiet. and before long Mervyn came running behind me. Good for me that he went back in.

and very careful I was to look along the floor to see if I could find any more wet places. “No. Good night. and on that account being so careful in my work. So till then.” “Good night. and what Mama would say in the morning. I was so glad he had gone before Gwilym came in through the window. though it is a mystery to me to this day how I got it out. But blacking and polishing my boots was another matter. His moustache was long and almost the same colour as his hair. I am afraid you will have it more than us.” I said. He had a small nose.” he said. Dada. “Help Davy?” my father said. knowing all the time that those grey eyes were upon me. It is almost as though you thought to make your industry a form of penitence. Dada. be a good boy and think of your Mama.He was not tall or very broad.” I said. and sitting on my bed. but his eyebrows were jet. and stood out from his pale face. my son.” “No. “I wanted to help Davy. scarred by a coal fall across the bridge. naked in front of the fire. His eyes were grey. I hear my father’s voice as he spoke then. “Now go to bed and sleep. The kitchen fire was banked all night. and a good mouth. “Think in future. my son. pointing to the puddles on the floor.” he said. But nothing happened. and shaded his eyes with his hand. and so vigorous when I found some to do.” I said. and sometimes when he was laughing they were almost blue. broad across the front and back. . and to my surprise his voice was quite ordinary.” he said. God watch over you. no more of this Davy nonsense out of you. But thinking back now. Off I went like a black-beetle. I fell off to sleep at once then.” I said. when he had finished. My father lifted me into bed and put the clothes over me. “Come here. “You will be a man soon. and if Gwilym would come in before I could give him a sign to wait on. so I had no trouble drying my clothes. “Yes. When I went upstairs again I carried my dry clothes and my polished boots to show my father. He was still dressed. “Where have you been?” he asked again. “and you will find all the troubles you are wanting in plenty. “Did I tell you about minding your own business?” he said. expecting a clout that would stretch me senseless. “And how about your poor Mama? What would have happened to her if you had come to harm? Did you stop to think?” “No. but tidy in size and always carried his head well back. He looked at them all very carefully one by one. “Go downstairs and clean yourself and be sharp about it. It is strange how you will do a job with more than ordinary care when you have a fault upon your conscience. “Look at the mess Mama will have with her in the morning. Go you and get a cloth. nodding. hanging my head. especially when he stood near a light or if you saw him in the daytime with his cap off. Dada. shining at me like jewels. “Why did you go up the mountain when I told you not?” my father asked. Plenty. Dada. that my father got impatient. dripping all over the floor. and so stern that I wanted to die. Huw. I put down the cloth and stood in front of him. black and going white. as though he had known and seen. In this light his eyes were almost white.” my father said at last. knowing my father was still sitting upstairs.” Down I went again and up I came with a cloth and rubbed all the puddles dry. indeed. Dada.” I said. “Do you expect your mother to clean that mess you are in?” he asked me. so sad and soft. wondering what I was going to get from him.” he said. Dada. now. and not angry a bit. And mind you.” I said. For minutes I stood there rubbing and brushing my boots. “Look. She is the one to help. His head looked to be the biggest part of him. “Up the mountain.” I said. and patted me on the head. Dada.

my son. My father did not answer. “But the way they are working the coal now is not only stupid but criminal. “There is no man knows more than Dai.” “I am not sorry.” said my father. nearly crying. Gwil. Gwilym. in a whisper. None of us were allowed to speak unless my father spoke to us first. I think it was about coal raising and the way the seam ran down the Valley.” my father said. Dada.” my father said. and we will say no more. “Get your clothes and go.” Owen said.” my father said. Behave yourselves. “If you two leave this house.” Davy said.” my mother said.” said Davy. too.” Owen said. all of them Davy’s friends.” “We have done nothing. “And that is enough from you. “and if table manners prevent the speaking of the truth.” said Gwilym.” my father said. “I will leave the house. and in any case he liked better to use tools than study.” my mother said. but with no fear in his eyes or voice. deep and from the chest. here on this blue cloth. Owen. “tell them to say they are sorry to Dada.” said Owen. He had nothing to say to anybody.” said my father. “there is no need for this.” Owen said. Nobody moved for a time. Mama. Gwilym told me that my father had given Davy a talking to that morning. reaching out a hand to my father. putting his knife and fork down and pushing back his chair.” he said.” “I will speak against anything I know to be wrong.” said Gwilym. looking at Owen and Gwilym. whether you will have me or not.” “So am I. I am going down to live with Davy. “do you know about the subject?” “I am very sorry I was rude.” “In this house and outside. “Gwilym. so good it sounded. “Boys. I got my knowledge from Dai Griffiths. and walked from the room. and got up. “Wherever there is wrong I will speak against it. “We are together. But who gave you permission to speak? And where did you have your knowledge?” “I said without thinking. and started to eat again. staring at my father.” “I will give you two. “Good-bye Mama. I will be a pig. “you will never come inside again. My mother never said a word about it. “one more chance. turning to him. working for their living. “Not in this house. Gwilym. I was a nuisance to him because I stole his tools or lost the place in his books. “Owen. and looked at my father with wide eyes. “except to lose my dinner. Davy was so surprised that he put down his knife and fork.Chapter Five I T WOULD TAKE a lot to upset my mother. though even then he knew almost any part of the Bible by heart.” he said. My father had a notion to put him up as a preacher. “Davy. He would stay quiet for hours by himself. “Oh. “you are right.” my mother said.” “So am I. “And what. They are following your example. Davy and my father acted as though nothing had happened and were talking quietly as they had always done.” she said. Owen had the voice of my mother. but she was quiet and worried when I came back from school at dinner-time next day.” “So will I.” said Gwilym. Beynon. echoing up in the gallery and under the rafters. and of course everybody thought he was a fool. and to hear him read in chapel was a shock. reading. Speak when you are asked and not before.” said my mother.” said Owen. “They are all fools. Dada.” “Good. “But they are men. and bent to kiss the top of my mother’s head.” said Gwilym. I forget what exactly Davy and my father were talking about. though his body was trembling and there was water in his eyes.” said Owen. “I am going.” my mother said. Then Davy sighed. Owen was a quiet boy then. but as soon as he had swallowed he turned to look at Owen as though he had never seen him before. “I must have been dreaming or something.” said my father.” “As it happens. She was not crying. It was Owen who caused the trouble. and white passion was in his eyes. but went on chewing.” “There is. . “Hisht.” said Owen. “tell Dada you are sorry. so of course I was always due for a clip in the ear whenever he saw me.” said Owen. but it showed the first Saturday when Davy came up to put his money in the box and have his dinner.” “Leave the table.” said Owen. and Davy was off down the Hill to live with Mrs.” “Yes. “Oh. but Owen was not yet old enough. But learn manners. Davy. or out in the tool-shed putting iron together.” Owen said. who had four lodgers already. but the tears were rolling down her cheeks when he kissed her. My father chewed what was in his mouth as though he had not heard. I cannot stop them.” “Good.

and you are amazed at the growing wetness of the handkerchief and the never-ending flow of big tears. and Ceridwen five years older. There is supposed to be something noble about the tears of a mother. and then up the mountain. After that.” My father pushed back his chair and looked at me. of points of light flicking from brimming lashes. and stood up. Our village.” my mother said. He never once as far as I remember talked to me as though I were a child. “close your mouth this moment.“Good-bye Mama. waiting for Gwilym. even when it is realised that this is your own mother who is crying. first. Ceridwen was looking from the plates to my mother and then to my younger sister who was standing by the fire waiting for the kettle to boil. “Come on. “how long. Not another sound. who has told you so many times not to cry. Go you.” my mother said. though when I grew up. but it is a pity that real. then. I was sure Angharad would say something from the look on her face. looking up through the kitchen window at the rock-face outside. and that causes a cold scrutiny in which all feeling is lost.” Angharad said. and although you know it is wrong. She was as tall as my mother. I had never before seen my mother cry really and properly as I had cried and had seen others cry. the fullness of spittle. my son. and ran to get my cap and my father’s stick. perhaps I could have spoken to him as the others had done. If I will hear another word. is your mother. and then curiosity to see how they cry. my girl. I could always hear her crying and see her face. and so big and clear you would think it not possible. especially if she is a good woman. His authority had been defied and he had taken the course he saw to be most fitting. “Yes. Gwilym. And I will swear with my blood that my mother was good. “I know you are there. then. because it was so green and . But there it is. The scrapings in the throat. then perhaps he carried them out with too much force or with too straight a tongue and through that.” he said. but knowing him as he was up on the mountains. That is Ivor and Huw. now then. loud and clear and in the voice of my mother.” “This moment. well-meant tears cannot come without the sounds that go with them. now. I was always a man when I was with him. wet eyes. It was quiet in the kitchen when they had gone. so miserable and helpless. and the sound of their footsteps had gone down the Hill with them.” my mother said. now. This is your mother. That afternoon we walked for miles along the river. and he said nothing to my mother for crying. or if they were. will those boys be from home?” “The only boys I have got. But he went on eating his dinner. and very fair with grey eyes lighter than a snow sky. I have often wondered whether the trouble in our family could have happened if my father had gone walking with the other boys as he did with me. were not the good and right things for our time. “Outside in the wash-house and get your work finished. Everything I ever learnt as a small boy came from my father. “I am going down with the boys to look after them. but then my spoon grated on the plate and brought his eyes to me. My mother was looking at my father all the time as if she was sure he would call them back. It do seem I will have only Ivor and you. I was trying to be as quiet as I could while I was having my dinner. I have still got a strap.” my mother said. my son. then. hair coming loose under the stress of an almost rhythmic sobbing. “I will leave Angharad to you. There is first of all surprise that a grown-up can cry properly. and cannot find comfort. her red face and swollen. I learnt better. Come. It will seem shame to me. you think.” said Gwilym. You are intent upon the details. swollen blue veins. you will want to cry because your mother is still crying to herself. but my mother never meant the same to me after that. But perhaps the things that he held to be good and right to do. and there is nobody else entitled to call himself my son unless I own to him. I wish now I had not.” Angharad said.” “Oh.” “Gwilym. and went out with Owen. Beth.” my father said. My father took no notice. my son. you shall have a smacking. in her ordinary voice.” Owen said. so there is that about them making for laughter and contempt.” my father said. huddled woman over there. my lady. Those are the only two. I know now how he saw the matter.” “Mama. If I had only known my father in the house. I will say it was lovely. If you have never seen the look in the eyes of a cat when you have made a noise to frighten it out of sleep you will not know what was alive in the eyes of Angharad. and indeed her voice made me all cold. and Ianto is away.” I got down from the table very thankful. put men against him. and turned so quickly she made my father jump.” he said to my mother. “Good-bye. I was never able to speak to him other than with respect and with love. The shaking hands. and I never found anything he ever told me to be wrong or worthless. and what came in and went out. gulping sighs. My sisters were crying with my mother. “I am going down with the boys. But I hope she knows how far she can go.” My mother stopped crying. She can go no further. He was the father and head over all the house. I have no other sons. This poor. come as a shock to make you laugh. because he knew tears to be a woman’s last refuge. So when they were full of her spirit. are not fitted to be the servants of heartfelt grief. of course. so no wonder Bron called me The Old Man. smeared cheeks. And when that is past. “are twenty-three years of age and six. or go under the table. you feel you must laugh outright. Mama. was one of the loveliest you could see. now. and she looked straight at you. I loved walking with my father. “Mama. For that reason he was clear in his conscience. the heavy breaths and halting. “Angharad. “we will go up on the mountain and find peace. especially in the mind of a child. Angharad was about ten. you would feel yourself going small inside yourself. and started to cry.

so he told me to run over to a pile of stones behind some blackberry bushes. My father would never allow me to collect them. and then home. so I stood by Mog as my father went through the other gate into the pasture land where the men were crowded. Then it would be your turn. and the green all about.” I was trying to think of something to keep my father from that field. so that we could hear nothing of their voices. I think because of that. But when he had gone. but oftener he would stay on. you would bend your fingers to smooth him under his stomach and tickle his ribs. The quiet troubling of the river. So you would often see us two stop and breathe in and out. He always said that God sent the water to wash our bodies and air to wash our minds. dropping stones to frighten little ones away. eh? I will give you credit.” “There is lucky the meeting is. too. “If I find myself over by there this afternoon I will have the surprise indeed. though we never took any. Take care of Huw for me. flapping on the rock. and then watching a big one come up and making plans to have him. parsley and lemon rind. and the clean. Morgan. “The men are over from all the other valleys. even to rolling down the mountain. butter. for we were walking across the mountain toward the field where I had seen Davy talking to the men. perhaps pointing at a small bush we had seen coming up last spring.” my father said. he would come up to see your fingers and nose round them. “Dada. and rub himself against them. Morgan. I will go. then. Give him a jerk and pull out your arm. To the top.” Mog said. walking up.fresh and clean. mind. holding your hand open and steady.” my father said. Not even fit to put a cap on. We were getting higher here. Quietly. Gracious.” my father said. And there is good fresh trout is for supper. Then the old fish would come along very soft and quiet.” “Yes. and the trees trying to drown their shadows. for I have seen them do it. wrapped in breadcrumbs. My father taught me to tickle trout up on the flat rock by Mrs.” I said. and he would stop the other boys.” he said. you would not move a fraction. “Is this where you came?” he asked me. “Mr. and put your arm right in the water. if you wanted a fish you would have to suffer. watching your hand. so I thought they were bound to be up here. sir. The river was not very wide. That was enough. for he had told me time and time again that trouble will not stop in a man whose lungs are filled with fresh air. will you?” I knew it was no good to say anything.” I said. My mother used to put them on a hot stone over the fire. Where is Davy?” “Over by there. “He is going to address the meeting in a minute. as we climbed the hedge by Meredith the Shop’s field. I would have done that. There is strange you will never notice birds till they are gone. Dada. “could we walk into the other valley?” “No. “Very well. and the mountain going up and up behind. Sure enough. “So this is why you wanted to go to the other valley. Well. I ran off again through the .” I said. “it will be a nice surprise. Of course. jumping the hedge as though it was only a foot high. When birds were nesting we often went out to find the nests and look in at the eggs. “and empty as drums. the river would be so cold sometimes.” my father said. Dada. First you would have to roll back your sleeve sometimes up to your muscle. with wind from off the fields and dews from the mountain. there we could see the heads of a big crowd of men two fields away higher up. Mog. Then you would work your fingers along him until your little finger was inside his gill. “Yes. indeed. I told Mog I wanted to go to the back. it would almost make you shout to have it in.” “Big things. while all this was going on. and go on walking up the mountain. only about twenty feet. but the hedges would have stopped me. and knowing that something was the matter and not sure what. Hour after hour we have sat there. Of course. or looking to see if anybody had been at the primrose bed up by Davies the Woodyard’s field. because a good and sensible trout will swim back out of reach and stay there to laugh at you. but so clear you would see every inch of rock through the bubbling water. and so full of fish that nobody thought of using a rod. and you would almost feel inside you that he was thinking to himself. which must have come from all the wild flowers and the sweet grasses that grew up there then. My father stopped at once.” he shouted. there is beautiful it was.” “What does Davy want with me?” my father asked back. We caught two trout that afternoon and I put them in leaves in my cap to carry them on up the mountain. Good. We had gone a little way when I started to feel cold inside me. if he was so silly. if I will not be thought wicked for saying so. looking down at me. what would we do over there?” “See Ivor and Bron. but as soon as I was behind those blackberries and out of sight. and there he would be. I have got some writing for the Chapel to do. us. Sometimes he would flash away and you would lose him. but no matter. my son. all bound about with the fresh green leaves of leeks. my son. If there is better food in heaven. This scent was strong that afternoon. Tom Jenkins’. So off I went. indeed. But there I am again. I am in a hurry to be there. washed stones. and my father often stopped to breathe in. Indeed. It was a Saturday and the men would be off. Mr. “Davy wants you to come over if you will be so kind.” Mog pointed. There are big things going on. “Oh. “I am only going to the top. that is true. see. our Valley was never quiet of birds. “and a lot of places. and the wind was blowing away from us.” The look-outs must have seen my father because one of them came running over. even your eyes. There used to be a scent that the wind pushed in front of it in those days. and be sure to come back to him in case my father would have his ears for supper.

all in order. and one by one they gave up. which became a big cheer as my father stepped out and stood on the edge. Everyone became still. boy. indeed. it is certain you should have a word from Gwilym Morgan. Only the wind moved the ferns above us.sheep-gap and into the crowd of men. As quick as I could. and how like a patchwork counterpane with all the browns of the ploughing and the squares of the curving hedges.” Dai shouted. I am here by some happening which I will call the Will of God.” We sat in quiet for a time. “Boys. “Come on.” One look at my father was enough for me. but I did not put my eyes on him for long because I was afraid of waking him. and your consciences are clear. looking down into the valley. My father was talking to Dai Griffiths up on the rock. bending down to me. He was listening to them with his hands folded in front and his eyes shut. saying shish to everything except itself. He sat up on the rock at the top of the mountain facing into the other valley. At last Dai came forward to the edge of the rock and held up his hands. “Come and sit over here. It is no use to say you will all go together in a Union if you have no notion what that Union is to do. and without that help you will get nothing.” “You are welcome. then tight belt it should have. All round me I could see men shouting before I was put down and forgotten. and every head was bent. Morgan. him. The owners are not all savages. as though they had all decided on something serious. coming up from our Valley with a joyful rush and pouring down here.” he said. “Boys. “Thank you.” Before I could run. working my way through carefully up toward the front. Force is no good to you until you have tried reason.” But the men were becoming restless. after a long while. if they kept still they would look like little rocks. passing us sharp and bitter cold. Mog. but they will not give you whatever you want just because there are a lot of you and you use threats. and leaned back on his elbow. Here is your father. laughing. Davy. and Mog was going to say something. he had not altered. Huw.” my father said. are you?” “No. eager to lie along the warm fields and tease the manes of the horses browsing in the sun. but down in the village for everybody to be listening. nothing out of place.” The men moved about and a deep murmur started. And if your cause is just. for there was a low rustle and then every cap was off. The farms were small as white matchboxes and sheep were little kittens. “before you make up your minds properly to do what we think is right and best. “I did think you had taken lodgings. You are right in what you want. but you are wrong in your ways of getting it. Reason and civilised dealing are your best weapons. “if you were clear in your conscience about what you want to do. so I ran back to Mog. “Not afraid of your father. though I was so low in the crowd I could hear nothing of the words. Fair play. “My sort of thinking has no place now. but he stopped and began whistling under his breath instead.” I said. though all the way up the men were plain to be heard. now. brushing through gorse and bramble.” he called. indeed. And no man will go far without Him. and up at the sky. Up in front. climbing rock outcrop. “the youngest of them. One by one they set on him. Nothing was said until we got to the top of the mountain. for I had gone off a little way to leave him be. and before long I was shaking.” said Mog. Only in our Valley was there a colliery to poke its skinny black fingers out of the bright green. every second I tried to keep my eyes on my father. my son. Indeed.” “Oh. sir. “but I thought you would want to think. “here is one who will go without when you tighten your belt. Dai Griffiths. across fields and pasture. Wait. indeed it is. you would not be up here out of the way. the man who had me had picked me up and was holding me above his head. “Deuce. Here is everything beautiful by here. And over with us nothing but ugliness and hate and foolishness. I stopped where I was. Dada?” I asked him. looking all round. but then a man standing behind me took me by the shoulders and pulled me round. and it did make me laugh indeed.” “How is that. and pulled off his cap. You cannot ask the help of God with hate in your hearts. I saw my father shake his head and start to walk down the rock. And yet he was smiling. I wound in and out of the crowd until I reached the sheep-gap and looked back. and a lot of men I had never seen before. and I could hear shouts from all round. and if we had looked back we could have seen them every step of the way. My father stared down at the Valley. “Sad it is. “the old man is in him for sure. And there are five of mine. and the whites of his eyes were pink.” he said. but now I am here I will give you what has been in my mind these months. “Sad.” A roar cut my father’s voice in half. but his tune was cold. were all talking to my father. my son. I did not want to come. I saw my father try to go on. There was a lot of talking in whispers going on round about me. “You are Huw Morgan. Over hedges and through gates. and down at the village. you would have it. now. As soon as I could see my father through a little space in the men. watching for some change in him. Over in here was all peace and quiet content. so that his eyes scalded you to look at them. “Morgan. then.” my father said. And reason wants patience. and Davy was trying to get the crowd to settle down again. on a sloping slab of rock. so I knew they were talking for the wind to make fun with. “and if he heard you. my son. And if patience wants a tight belt. The wind blew up here as though he had wet his lips to bring them smaller to whistle with more pointed music. I knew he was praying. Can you hear your old man?” “My father is not an old man. God is always with you. Dada.” he shouted. and the others must have known. Huw.” my father said. and even the wind sounded happier to be working down there.” I said. Get better wages? You will have better wages or as good as can be got without a Union. I remember how cold was the green down there.” said another man. but even after all that climbing. My father was so white there were blue patches under his eyes.” “I have finished thinking. . Awful.” he said.

indeed. “Wait you. boy. and when I had done. I went to the cupboard to get my slate. my girl. is going to give you plenty of troubles in times to come.” he said. there is nothing you will have better. because all that way he was wished by everybody. go you and see the sheets on Davy’s bed. “and to tell him why I wanted to leave him. and give nothing. Mama. looking right through me. The world was made on a different notion. My mother was sitting alone when we came in. And Gwilym is bringing them all up here to-night for me to mend.” “Well. “If any more of my family go from me.” my mother said. “I will have a word with her. and so gentle to put her in the corner chair and take her coat from her.” Back down the pasture we went. “Say nothing to Mama unless she asks. She has had enough for one day without more to weigh her down. home-baked bread. perhaps. “however it is.” My father spoke with his eyes in the sky. Good jelly dripping and crusty. and while I was rubbing it clean my father came in. take all. “Angharad. “Yes. All along the river. but I had toasted four rounds of bread which my mother put on the end of the fork as piece after piece was browned.” But that question started me asking questions about babies. Our valley was going black. But I will have my butter with plain bread and butter. and tears coming to sparkle in the fire-light.” I said. knowing her. Rhys the Mill. Beynon is too fond of her bottle. so dead and unhappy they were looking. ready to run when your teeth bite in. During that time nothing was said. “Want all. You will have everything from the ground if you will ask the right way. too. There is your rod and staff. My father took his cap off to wish the time of day down by the Chapel to old Mrs. my mother asked me to fill the kettle and give the fire a couple of shovels of coal. “Gwilym. Mama?” “Gracious goodness me. unless you send me from here.” “I hope that will be the truth.” When we passed through the village nearly all the women were outside waiting to hear what the men were doing up on the mountain. especially if the butter is an hour out of the churn and spread tidy. she called me. with the mealy savour of ripe wheat roundly in your mouth and under your teeth. too. But you will have nothing if not.” said Angharad. That is something that will have to be done when you are grown up. My father went straight out to the back to wash. and I was glad he was looking so much better. Those poor men down there are all after something they will never get. Huw. If you will want rags for the boots. To keep my hands in water and my face to the fire. You should have seen my mother when my father came back with Angharad. “Go from here.” he said. There is good dripping toast is by the fire in the evening.” my mother laughed. I think. but none of us ever saw it except me. and I will say of its kind.” Angharad said. and came in to shut the door of the next room to do his writing. “and I brought a couple of shirts. and if they did. Angharad was quiet and still full of thought. my son.” “I brought them with me.” “Oh. Young I was and small I was. “I said I wanted to look after the boys because Mrs. There is strange that a man will act as though money was being lost to tell the truth in such a matter. but the house was quiet. “What next then?” “It is true. and he held it in his hand all the way up to the house. now this moment. “Did you see our Davy with a big hole in his stocking here to-day?” “Yes. “Huw. but she was clear in her mind and it was certain she had not been forced to come back. but not toward where the men were still standing.” my mother said. now. Huw. The two lines of cottages creeping up the mountainside like a couple of mournful stone snakes looked as though they might rise up and spit rocks grey as themselves. “why did you have them. “Angharad has gone. No matter what others may say to you. You would never think that warm fires and good food would come from them.” “Well?” my mother asked. my son. mind. Butter is good.“Bad thoughts and greediness. and the slag heap had grown so much it was half-way along to our house. God gave us time to get His work done. there are more important things to think about. banks were showing scum from the colliery sump.” said my father. “I did. I will be sorry I ever had babies. and covered with little pockets where the dripping will hide and melt and shine in the light. I will never leave this house for one. and that only once and outside the house. Mama.” my mother said.” my mother said. Mama.” my mother said.” .” she said.” I said. and she seemed to have got over her distress. but nobody would listen.” she said. they kept it to themselves.” said Angharad. Perhaps it was through looking at the other valley so long that I got such a worrying shock when I looked again at ours. Then my mother moved. All things come from God. all black and flat. “Where is she?” “Down with the Beynons. My father looked at my mother and said nothing. I wonder?” “Well. Huw. All things are given by God. and the buildings. and nobody seemed to know.” my father said. Why. holding up her hands. “what did Dada say?” “He said he was sorry if he had done anything wrong. look to God in your troubles. and to God you must look for what you will have. indeed. They will never get it because their way of asking is wrong. There will be plenty for you to do. But that came after. “how are you going to grow up. Mama.” When he had gone. Now. He had a terrible temper indeed. but young or small I knew it was wrong. with that sort of stillness that a cat will have when it is waiting to jump with its back in a curl. and very surprised she was. There is pleased she was. and I said so to my father. deep down inside. “I told them years ago to start underground. roasted sweet and crisp and deep brown. “Let us go home. And I am afraid what is starting down by there. and my father faced her.” Angharad said.” my father said. and patience to support us while it is being done. and stopped to look. “Angharad. were ugly to make a hurt in your chest. cut in the long slice. but he made a sign to me to be silent before he went to change his boots.

But that is not what I want to say. and eat your toast. and I said so. Angharad.” “What is that. except a story book. “You will sleep down here in the future. “All of them. “Angharad. Several ways he had of clearing his throat. making the little sounds you know. “Did you go up the mountain. I could hear Davy throwing back his hair before he spoke. “I have had nothing yet. “because I thought I was doing the best. It was quiet in the kitchen. My sense is against what you are doing. except for the time when I lived in Bron’s. They had broth for supper. That is not the way a house should live. too.” said Davy. “and Dada tried to tell the men. But he had a special way of doing it when he had something to say that was serious.” . “I will have my boys from there to-night if I will leave this house myself.” my father said. “go down to Mrs.” “Right too. “and the boys shall have the back room to themselves. You are too small to be up there now they are all men. doing the little actions you know.” she said.” “Yes. But no man ever made himself more useful to himself or his fellow men by living in filth and dirt. There would have been a different spirit. But I found that the others were as bad as you. with them.” I said. and I only said I would because she told me you were living with pigs. My father it was who woke me up properly. I thought you were a bad influence on the other boys. “Good. but it will have you on edge and make you hot if you think about it. boy. and ran out through the back. and nobody else has. This feeling I always had for my father. one way for speaking in Chapel. There is funny it is to lie in the dark listening to people you know. He had one way for singing. and another for reading anything else. “You are making enough noise with your old teeth to have the house down. but I suppose I slept through that. “Davy. and to you I will talk. you would not have had such a disgraceful meeting up there to-day. “Are you against Dada.” he said. but the door was so thick we could hear nothing of the words.” She put her plate down on the fender and got up to go to the door of the next room. and I knew his eyes would be watching my father in the shadow of his hair. “but nobody was for Dada. This feeling it was that made the wall bed like an oven to me.” said Angharad. “Because you will have nothing through prayer. even though he spoke very quietly.” “Why is Dada wrong. talking and moving. When my mother came out she pointed to the wall bed. and you ask yourself what is the need of people themselves when only their voices and little sounds are enough. “Oh. if it will have you any wiser. “Well. I heard nothing from him. Dada.” “I will never question that. nor is it still. It will do you good. There is a sort of hot stillness which you can feel. I am proud of my family.” “But why is Dada wrong?” I asked her. “Yes. but they shouted at him.” “Yes.” My mother came out just then. but take care that what you are doing is right and not half-right. too?” I asked her. “though not him. I suppose there is no sound for that. and taking the cup in the next room. so that we could hear my father talking low to my mother. boy. Beynon’s and get the boys’ things. although I knew his sounds well. When the boys came home that night I was in bed with the curtains drawn. That was how he woke me up. with her plate on her knee and her eyes big and staring into the fire. “I asked you to leave this house. “It was hurting me to have to do it. “Yes. as though Mama had made a sign to the bed that I was in there and sleeping. but what he is trying to make them do. I would have known they were there.” she said. now just?” Angharad asked me.” said Angharad. God. all of it happening in the dark and yet so clear in your mind that you could laugh.” Angharad said. indeed I am. Huw. It is good to suffer in order that men should be better off. Dada. one way for reading the Bible. after I had thought about it. Mama. Yet I knew he was there. and I am surprised that a son of mine would allow it. in a high voice. then?” I asked her. then?” I asked her. Look at Mrs. and started me sweating till the drops were running down my cheeks into my ears.” Angharad said.” Angharad said.” And from that day to last night I have never slept anywhere else. Mostyn the Grove. Then she opened the door and went in. though I was so sleepy I kept falling off and waking up with a jump. “Give Huw his tea. “you are the eldest here. that I never felt unless I thought of them. so I could hear all that was said.” said Davy. and yet it is not hot. and her saying back to to him.” she said. like the sheets underneath me. and started to pour tea for my father.” said Angharad. But though I knew my father was there. and it was in my brothers. If you were right. because his hair made a soft whish and his chair creaked. “he is trying to make them pray for what they want instead of going together and making the old owners give them it. Gwilym I knew because his throat made a bumpy sound when he swallowed.” I said. They all came in together as though they had feared to come in one by one. either.” “Were the boys up there?” she asked. and I am proud to think that you are prepared to make sacrifice for what you think is right. Owen always rubbed his forehead and pulled his ear. and even though Davy and Owen had made no sounds at all. I will have you make a sacrifice and I will have you suffer. with impatience. I would not have asked you in the house again if your mother had not begged me. will you? Tell her I will pay my owings on Monday morning myself.” said my father. “Be quiet. and even a baby like Huw was going out of the house at night. clapping her hands and singing. Everybody did pray for her and yet she went with her baby as well. yet I heard it and knew what he was doing. though I was sure I could hear all they said in a sort of underneath manner. I have that authority because I am your father. and that was different again. and well I knew them.My mother was still and so quiet.” she said.

“So now then. “Good night. . Mama. No man shall say he is father of a house unless his word is to be obeyed. “If I am the boarding-house keeper I will have things my way. Davy. and so are you and the boys.” There was quietness for a time. and the other boys said with him.” Davy said. “there is little use. I could hear from the sounds that my brothers were all sitting up and staring at my father.” said Gwilym. “One more day in that sock. Dada?” asked Davy. but somebody paying for his keep. Mama. your mother told me about it. throw that old shirt down. Mama. man. “and when you go up. still feeling grew and grew till I thought I would burst. only to understand.” “Dada. too. as I said. “how are you a lodger?” “Because I am staying here.” said the boys. “Tomorrow is Sunday and early Chapel. “Yes.” said my mother. Dada.” said Davy.” “Good night. “But. and I said I would have you back. I am glad my mother was so happy going up to bed. Dada.” said my mother. “We are all to be lodgers here.” said my mother. too.“They were lodgings. now. By the time we had finished work and collected the men. “and we could get nowhere else.” said Davy. There is disgrace.” said my father. “One more step and you would see the back of his neck. Mine is not. after my father had gone up. Leave it. You. Dada. and I am sure he kissed her. As for you. there was little time.” said Davy. but quiet.” “You should see Owen’s. Good night. Mama.” said my father. Davy. and your mother will look after you and me. Good night all.” “Where there is little time. But only on one condition. “But I am not a father because I have no authority.” said the boys. and you would be showing your legs. as though they were so surprised they had lost their tongues.” said Davy. “What is that.” “Yes. Mama.” “O.” said my father. Mama.” “It is too late to-night even to wish.” “Good night.” my father said. and I could feel the pale straining. Davy. “And no words round the table. I wish I could make you think as I do. indeed.” “Good. moving in his chair. “I am for early Chapel. That hot. I will have Mrs. “I am sorry for this. Owen and Gwilym. Beynon spoken to. I am a lodger. That is all. “I know.” Davy said. so I am not a father.” said my mother.” said Owen.” “Shut up.

Dada. whatever you call it.” “There will come a day.” said Davy. but there was a different feeling in the room always. Davy argued with my father for hours. so they were planning then. He noticed the change from the moment his name was put on the board. “Never will I put pen to it. It do sound what it is. That is final. my father was offered his job.” said my father. A collection of dull monkeys who cannot think for themselves. “Yes. Rhys the Superintendent died. But at the same time the men began to think he had gone in with the owners. and that talk hurt him more than his trouble with Davy. boy?” my mother asked. My mother was always ready to try to make him happy again.” “But. but the older men like my father would have nothing to do with it. What is the difference?” “A great deal. and he knew. some long word. Dada. Being superintendent made my father next to the manager. they would all come out and put the coalfield at a standstill. “what is this about your father?” “Well.” said my father. because they never came to him now as they used to. Mama spoke to Davy about it.” “That is the trouble. All the space will be taken to coil up their tongues. but it was not from her that he wanted it. “No. and thank goodness I was never that. Well. Mama. and I happened to be chosen to speak. He often spoke to my mother at night and I heard every word. he took it. Nothing Davy would say could move him. “We knew what we all wanted and we were able to point to it. with my father acting like a lodger. so that if one lot came out on a complaint. especially to the men.” Ivor was with my father from the start. The owners must have found out that my father was against the union idea. Davy.” said Davy. with the knife half in and out of the pie. We all seemed afraid to say what was in our minds.” “I shall be one of them. You cannot reason with demand. you call them. “you were spokesman at the last strike. It was from the men.” Davy said. As for your support. For the first few days the men passed him without greeting. “I will think about it again. he began to know that he was distrusted. I am against demands of any kind. “It is this. Davy even stopped speaking to Bronwen because of it.” said Davy. though I was too small to have the whole picture. Dada. He hated to think that anybody would suspect him of being disloyal. and I have often wished I had seen and heard more than I did.” said my father. And the use is to make the owners give us fair terms. “Davy. “I wonder. of course. He knew he would have won most of the older men if my father had given way. As though he was to blame for being made Superintendent.” said Davy. I am a man and I will deal with my own problems my way. “It means altogether. openly now. but there was no way he could fight the talk because it was never said in the open. The family sat down to meals just the same.” my father said one night.Chapter Six A FTER THAT there was peace in the house for a time. and coming back with him. Davy. and. I shall not. you would have thought there was a preacher at the table with us.” “When that day comes.” “Unanimous. and still the men were not speaking to him except about matters of work. And after weeks of work. saying it carefully. what is the use of it?” “Unanimous. .” said Davy. “At all events. of course. what my mother meant.” “Why is it strange.” said my father. and that caused trouble between them. I have met them. So indeed for a time we were a happy lot there. I suppose for fear it might start trouble.” “But that is all we want to do. and my brothers doing everything they could to make him be a father. Demands. Dada. And the people who speak for them will have tongues a yard long and nothing else inside their heads. and that is why he tried so hard. It affected all of us. “You are a crowd of bits of boys all in the thing for what you will get. I want no help from anybody. All the younger men were in. “We put our demands and back them up with unanimous support. when she found that nobody would listen to Ivor. and put up his pay. and my mother trying all ways to keep them together. But there is nothing worse than a small boy with a sharp nose and a loose tongue. I only know what I saw and heard. It is very strange Dada was chosen for Super when everybody knows he is my father. Even when Bronwen came in it was not quite what it had been. there is no sense. but he had to give up in the end. Just as it happens now. because as soon as old Mr. Davy got what he wanted. At that time Davy was meeting men of other valleys and coming to an agreement about forming a union of them all. Davy. and made him one of the most important men in the village. So instead of the laughing and joking there had been. Davy was still going up on the mountain and the boys were going with him. But when it passed into two days and more and then a week. except to touch their caps civil. After that it spread like fire over all the valleys. “when you will have to.” said my father. and where there is no reason.” she said. and there was no way of reaching them. not through the window but in and out of the front door.

You tell those fools of men that your father is as much for them as he ever was. Then she pulled the curtains aside and looked down on me. now.” I said. Dada was picked to slap my face and the boys who are with me.” “Yes. Mama. my father or not. “Twenty thousand?” my mother asked. “and the Word was with God.” “Will you allow it?” my mother asked.” “There is nonsense.” He kissed her on the forehead and signed to the boys to be moving. and Dada is known to be against me. Mama. it is true. and with a sour flavour that seemed to burn my nose right up between my eyes. “It is serious.” “No.” “The men will wait till then. is it? Now look you. There is no better man in all the valleys. “Mama. and the rustle as she brought them from the paper.” “Mama.” she said. “Who am I against twenty thousand and over?” asked Davy. “You are so small you could slip through.” my mother said.” “David Morgan. If you do grow up to be one like him. my little one. and if they thought anybody would stop them.” said Owen. There is a move to strike for a new Super to take Dada’s place. “Only a beginning. though they cannot do the job better.” I said. Davy. staring down at her.” my mother said. “Angharad and Ceridwen will be here in a moment. “they would both have been put over the bridge days ago. I never thought to hear it. kissing her. and my stomach was turning to see the look in her face. Why did they choose him instead of Tom Davies or Rhys Howells? They are both senior. “Huw. I will find it by myself. “Good. and her eyes going wide with a feeling worse than worry. with me under my mother’s cloak and just my face showing . The river was almost frozen and full right up to the top of the banks. I will curse you with my last breath. and holding up my trews.” she said. and new lines coming into her face. but she wanted to push him away. “Oh. Mama. That is all I can say. “Where will you end? What trouble will you cause?” “There is no end.” she said. and crossed the river by the little wooden bridge that was higher up than the stones. “Careful. and her eyes were lighting and shading while she tried to think how many it was.” I said. and looking at the clock. When they had gone.” my mother said. “Up by there.” Davy said.” said Davy. Give me your hand. “Saying nothing against Ivor I was.” she said. “and living in the same house. He had better keep his mouth shut or he will have it closed for him.” said Davy.” said Davy. Huw. then.” said Davy. As soon as they had gone. Mama.” “In the beginning was the Word. Mama. When I had dressed we went through the back door and down the back alley behind Dai Ellis the Stable. indeed. “Do you know where the men are meeting at night?” “Yes.” “Come you. “There is your father in you. and Mama sat down to laugh. Mama. “Sleep you. and very sad he was. “There is pity to bring you from the warm. “You are like a lot of children with you. they would have them. indeed. If anything do happen to Ivor while he is doing his duty by his father. and he got up to put his arms round my mother. and I went to her. Dada has always done what was good and for the best. but cold was still with us and snow was bound to come. boy. my little one. hiding the light. and indeed that night I could smell it like rain only colder.” my mother said.” My mother was standing as though in sleep.” “Let me dress. and deep was his voice to shake. Mama. Mama.” she whispered.” said Owen. “I was thinking of that. and putting the plates down with a noise. my mother looked over at me.” she said.” I put my hand in my mother’s muff and up we went. “and likely to be a hundred thousand before the month is out. “You will be bound to fall in the river. I thought it was only talk. “Up by Jones the Chapel’s field. Davy. with tears. The men will have what they are after this time. Your father is late shift to-night. Mama. as we crossed the logs. “And I will have you there in a minute.” I had been in bed about three-quarters of an hour with the curtains drawn when my sisters went to bed. and the Word was God.“Because I am his son. I am afraid. “Huw. Huw. You shall take me up there. nothing will happen to Dada or Ivor if I will have anything to do with it.” my mother said. God will smile indeed. “say nothing to Dada about this. Mama.” my mother said. I am the union rebel to the owners. And you had better warn Ivor that his life will be in danger if he do go about talking so silly as he have. my boy. Not a single word.” I said. I have been inside the house so long. I heard my mother opening the cupboard to bring out her cloak and bonnet. Mama.” “Oh. “It is useless to talk to them now. I would lose my way from here to the Chapel.” said Davy.” “Oh.” “If Davy had not been strict with them. and she sat down in the old chair by the fire. indeed. my little one. “you can talk of your good brother in such a way? Indeed.” I said. “are you sleeping?” “No. “Twenty thousand.” “No. “Is it like that with them?” she was whispering. And you will say nothing.” “Good. only warning.” I said. do you hear?” “Yes.” I said.” “We shall be late. “Come here. We had nearly come through winter.” “No. Wait you till he do have a chance. The men are ugly and they are in a mood to be dangerous.” Davy said.

now. and the other is lice. not Davy. My mother was scrambling up the rock. And there will be no Hell for me. with her breath like a veil about her face.” “Oh. So you should know what I do think of you. One is talking behind the back. “You are a lot of cowards to talk against my husband. Some men down in the front saw it was a woman and started to shout to others. Mama. But there is one thing more I will say and that is this. Huw. Some men had come from one of the fires on the rock to see who it was.” my mother said.” I said. “He has done nothing against you and he never would and you know it well. My mother turned round to look for Davy. “Mama. How some of you can sit in the same Chapel with him I cannot tell.” Indeed I have never been more surprised to this day. “Except my feet. “I am not your mother. So you will know how I felt when we saw the fires the men had made only a little way above us. He is Superintendent of the colliery now because every man will have his reward for working. now.” “But Dada said the Bible says you shall not kill. We had not gone far when it was snowing so thick it was like trying to go through a rain of bits of paper.” I said. “Go you.” We went round to the side of the two biggest fires and when we got nearer I saw that they were built on the rock. “Is this where it is?” “Yes. And for you to think he is with the owners because he has had his reward is not only nonsense but downright wickedness. look. but nobody could see properly who it was because of the snow and being blinded by the light and smoke of the fires. through her hands. I could hardly hear what she was saying because the men were still cheering the last speaker.” my mother said. and I felt proud to be leading her and helping her like this.” she said. “I am Beth Morgan.” she shouted. with her cloak dragging in the snow. indeed. boy. Her face was hidden in her muff to keep the snow from hurting. and her voice was as deep and strong as any man. Even when the snow was dropping wet when we came out of the trees into the pasture she said nothing. “But if they do touch your Dada I will keep my word. and I watched her going carefully across the front of the rock to where the last man had stood to speak. “Quick. looking like big red blooms through hosts of blown.” The only sounds when my mother stopped were the crackling of wood and the hushing of snow. “Are you sure. I had run round the front of the rock to see what my mother was going to do. You are lice with them. and the men were standing round them. with me under my mother’s cloak and just my face showing to see the way. It was darker up this way because there were more trees.” Higher up the mountain we had to stop many times while my mother took her breath. “I would. I only knew she was crying when we had gone a little way down and she took my hand from her muff to blow her nose.” Davy called from the back of the rock. but the sky was so black there was no chance to see the tops. “Huw. when she took the muff away and started to speak.” I said. “What is in the Bible and what is outside is different. Mama.” “Right you.” I said.” my mother said. I would look for a flame of fire upon me.” “Right you are. “Boots cost. And if your father comes to harm. snow shadows that whispered as they fell and squeaked beneath our feet. but when she started to speak. Huw.” she said. “Lift your heels. because I have heard you are talking against my husband. and we could see the path only because it was blacker than the grass at the sides. while my mother was crying as she felt her way down. “I would tell you if not.” “Mama. “There you are. and indeed if ever I heard the voice of shame. “help me up here. though she held me tighter. but I was sure of the way and I never stopped once.I put my hand in my mother’s muff and up we went. Huw?” my mother asked me. There was no question in my mind why my mother was going. I ran round to help her find her footway. My boots struck the hardness like a hammer and often gave up little sparks. “there they are.” Davy came out of the darkness to go to my mother but she turned away and started to stumble down the rock. The cheering fell when the men saw her standing there. “Go quietly. streaming. and more fires were burning in the field.” Up and on we went. and find the way down. Mama.” .” my mother said. You are like a tinder. but just as we got to the foot. they stopped where they were. and they are like stones with me. he finished and went back. then it was. and I tried to make more till my mother gave me a pull. then. “wait you by there. but my mother was tired and leaning on me. and that is his.” I shouted back. But I could feel her warmth all round me. Are you cold?” “No. Be quiet now. but she could not see him at first. Two things in this world I do hate. and turned when she reached the top to look down at me. Up and up she went. and surprised to be questioned. If harm do come to my Gwilym.” I said. There was low talking from the men and not a sound else. but they could see only the shape of her cloak. And that I will swear by God Almighty. with you. There was no hope to turn back once my mother had started. and let snow fall on me from her bonnet as she bent. Somebody was speaking. I cannot remember thinking about it. “when you are with these. I will find out the men and I will kill them with my hands. “would you kill men?” “Yes. and I could hear her speaking under her breath when the way was not too hard. Nobody will go to Hell for killing lice. from the front of the rock. Mama.” my mother said with a full voice. “I have come up here to tell you what I do think of you all.” my mother said. you shall be the first to go. but always she went on. and Davy stood at the top watching in quiet. Gwilym.” she said.

but snow was piling as we reached the river level. I was kneeling beside her. Careful and slow we had to go. I knew my way only because of the slope of the ground. now?” “These stones are down nearly by the Chapel. and looking down at me. If I ran for my father. my little one. pulling and dragging her as I went. I tried and tried but her arms were loose and slipped through when I tried to lift her by the shoulders. If I stayed here with her.” “No. Mama. We had got about half-way across the rocks and gravel. hard in some places and soft in others. and we went faster when we came to the trees. “I am wrong here. soundless. And be careful. but she fell back. I fell in a mound right up to my shoulders and my mother fell in on top of me when she came to pull me out. black in the snow. face first. then. in the same voice. “Huw. “Come you.” I found her bonnet while she was tying her cloak. now. and she was heavy on my shoulder and having her breath in pain with her. and she tried to lift me. Just before we got to the bridge.” The snow was falling faster now.” My mother took me to her and squashed me so tight I was nearly giddy again. “you are the man. here. blown down from the branches. “come here and I will carry you. And it will be having us both if we will not go from here. and I made tight my fists.” my mother said.” I said. “Yes. As soon as I thought. Mama. and went on in front.” my mother said. Mama. and I fought to have my breath. Fright took me. leaving her here. But if I was strong and sure. Perhaps if I went. but I knew where it should end being hard and where it should start to be soft. Shall we turn round. but carefully this time until we reached the bridge. and I will show you. “It was the old snow.” I said. I can see nothing. boy. so we had to pick up our feet and feel them sink again and not know if we were in deep till we touched ground. and the wind beginning now to have the voice of a woman in grief.” my mother said. and the sound of the earth under my feet. Hours it did seem. and all the time the wind was alive to push us in the ice.” she said. quiet. and stopped. kneeling in the snow. “Yes. or I cannot tell where I found the strength. I can walk with the next. when she put her hands to her chest and fell down on her face flat. so I went to her and caught her hand. Then I thought of the boys. so the wind and snow were both busy about us. and the darkness was thick.” she said.” “Go you. And it seemed too rude to take hold of her by the leg as I would have done with a boy. But I was sure to stand up straight because my mother was wanting help. I was on my mother’s lap and she was sitting in the drift with her bonnet off and her hair all covered with snow.” I said. indeed. Mama. I would not reach my father. and who was up a dando just now and frightening his Mama sick?” “Not my fault it was. the white. and I was afraid. Mama. “Up a dando. Mama.” “Very well. and I struck out to where I thought Morris the Butcher’s lay as though it was three o’clock on a spring afternoon. then. perhaps we would both not be found and then she would die of cold. Mama. my little one. but I was crying to God to help me to save my mother. indeed. except to guess. and stopping often to have breath. It gave me a new spirit indeed. But we found the other side and then we were lost. perhaps I would not find my mother again. “so if we go across from by here. I was lying face down.” I said. From where we were was not far to our house but we could see nothing except the blackness knitted with snow. So I tried and tried. as though she was sore in the throat. brushing and scraping the snow from her. I was able to stand up but I felt as I had when I won the race. indeed.” “Come then. I crawled backwards toward the bridge. because when I woke up. . I felt my way across the logs by holding on to the plank rail. cold. I must have lost my sense then.” I said.“Huw.” I said. Come you. and I wanted to cry but I stopped. and I could have shouted. What to do. “You shall not. “you had a good try. And all the time I was thinking what to do. I looked at her. and we were still out in the pasture. “Your mama thought the old snow was going to keep you. But I remembered she had called me a man. Down we went. From the bridge I was sure I knew which way to go but after we had been walking a few minutes my boots touched stones and I knew that one more step and we would be in the river. Huw. and snow going white upon her. too. It was better. not moving. and I could feel her trying to get up. all giddy and willing to fall over. I started. But by the bridge we met the full wind and it carried snow with it so thick that nothing could be seen through it. and I was helped for sure. But there is heavy my mother seemed to me. cruel snow. clasping her like that. Up a dando. hating each piece and handful as though it were living and able to understand. “No. my mother was not. They would all be coming down soon.” “Up a dando?” my mother said. I was asking myself.” she said.” “There is like an old mule you are. If I could have my mother down by there I would be bound to meet somebody. with my mother leaning heavily upon my shoulder. “Go you.” So hot I went when my mother said that. we will go straight in Morris the Butcher’s. At last I got my arms about my mother’s waist and. and I cried in rage to be so weak and I wished the snow had been harder and with shape to throw myself upon it with my teeth. “Huw. but the more she tried the farther I went down.” my mother said. my little one. “I am sorry. “Are you hurting?” she asked. “But there is cold. and my mother holding me by the hand. I was fit to shine in the sun.” I said. and some would be coming over the bridge. and no feeling or sense was in me.

It was Davy. but there was a weariness of time before I saw a light. blue face. but the voice was not mine. My mother made no sound nor did she move. So I had to crawl to find the middle of the bridge and scratch away the snow to feel the logs to be sure that I would be near when the boys crossed over. I had my mother with my head in her middle. I remember falling among the ice when I felt him take my mother from me. Then I found I could not stand up.” . How long it was I cannot tell. Huw. and his eyes glistening big and staring.I knew I had reached the bridge when my shoulders came against the rail. but I was afraid my legs would go from under me. to have my mother taken back to the house. But now it was up to my chest and when I went in. but I had only enough in my eyes to see his cold. only about up to my waist because that is where I had learnt to swim. and then crawl back to my mother. Madness was in me to shout. I knew it was not deep by there. while I rolled over her into the river. and so strong that I was without a good breath for minutes. but she was too heavy. and the ice was cutting my chin. Huw.” I heard him crying. a yellow lantern light swinging near me in the paining dark. Strength had gone from my legs. So my voice came. I tried to shout but my voice was gone from my throat. And when I knew I would lose her in the river. I pulled and pulled to have her back. but I was too senseless to be afraid. they were so frozen. to have that light nearer. was in the cry that brought the lantern to us. She had slipped sideways and almost she was falling in the river. I held her flat by lying on her and pressing her. for there is no voice that will make the sound I made. “Huw. “O. for I was not standing but kneeling against the rocks. so cold it was. I knew there was only one thing to be done. and his hand about the lantern to shield it. All the fury of living kind. so she could not slip. it seemed to open its hands and grip. I pulled my mother into the shelter of the post and tried to sit her against it but she was far off and her mouth was open and I had to keep closing it. lit with yellow light. and my arms were weak and there was nothing to be done with my fingers. and my hands holding her chin and leg. fighting against useless pain.

and lovelier than that you will never have. He looked again at me and smiled. that is fright for you.Chapter Seven I WOKE UP in the bed downstairs in the kitchen. which kept on having to be broken and set. indeed. “Mrs. That is real fright. I only know that it was Bronwen who nursed me night and day. “He will do. and ran then to call my father. There is funny to wake up and not know yourself to be You. Proud.” she said. and talk to people who have been gone these years. The memory of holding my mother came back to me. and not able to get up. and I suppose she put a couple in with her own wash. who was upstairs here. “But it is beyond me to say why. and rose up to look down at me. and awful. indeed. arms. For there you are in pure space. Indeed. as though she ought not to be speaking.” she said. I have had plenty of time to think. and . “are you hurting with you?” I made to nod. and who you are. and now I found time to be afraid. and at last I was having no pain at all. Richards said to Bronwen when my father had gone. of course. Strange it is to think back like this and be a small boy again. You have never been frightened if you have never lost yourself and your voice. and if you feel you are alone. Man is a coward in space. I tried to look at Bronwen. Richards pulled back the clothes and put his hand on my leg. I had such a flash of hurt that I suppose I dropped off. still there is something missing. quietly. until she had her baby. for she left her chair quickly as though she had jumped. but speechless and without knowledge. My face. of his pipe and himself. There is a lot missing in your life when you have no notion who you are. not even the comfort of knowing your name. Richards said. I was not quite balanced because of pain. or go out. I am afraid of a fracture. I wonder where the real You goes to when you are strange like that. Then it got better. all of me was a sausage of soft slippery bandage. Ivor. Huw.” “Thank God he is not. beautiful. too. but Dr. at first. was Bronwen. and seeing. but I could not hear for the bandage.” my father said to him. and then my father came to stand by his shoulder and look down at me. and it was hurting all over. You have only a picture in front of your eyes and nothing but emptiness behind them. But Bronwen must have seen me strain to move and speak. it is that which makes you so afraid and you will start to shout to keep yourself company. She knelt by me.” She bent to kiss me. and indeed I remembered nothing very much about it. all my body and legs. but still they come and you are lost in a fog of shining wet. So that smell was always with her. and you ask yourself where you are. Although you are like yourself as you are ordinarily. Then I heard Bronwen singing. sitting with my mother. and why. Dr. and that made it worse. “Huw. She did smell always of thyme and lavender because she made little bags of it for the sheets. with his hands in his jacket pockets. and her teeth went fast in her lip. hearing. While I was only just living I took no notice of what went on. For months.” He bent down to kiss me and left the smell of him near me. “little Huw. with not even yourself. But I had nothing to shout with. I had fever in the bones of my legs for nearly five years after that. it was the touch of a warm moth. Mr. You are breeding horses in this family. “O. a little boy. and blood rushed warm all over me and brought on such pain that I tried to twist. Richards came in first to make a fuss over me and feel my pulse and look at his watch with his eyebrows up. quickly and so lightly. Huw. The boys were often in to see me. I was bound up in goose grease to cure cold. and saw the lamplight shining red on the wooden panels. Lightning quick I found myself. and I knew then why the bandage was slippery. there is proud I am to have your name. Five years of lying in the wall bed. just near to me. The smell of goose grease was sweet and fat about me. that is the last I remember. smiling so kind and crying soft. my son. whispering. She wiped my eyes for me. Morgan. but I could not move my head.” Dr. and you are frantic to wipe them away to be able to see. They called him Gareth. Your old father is very proud of you. for he is by himself. nothing would come.” Well. for my part. and you begin to cry and tears blind you. Try as I would. But still I was not allowed to get up because of the fracture. or move at all. and so is your new sister. Richards pushed him out of the room and told him I was sleepy. for as soon as Dr. “let us undo the bandage now and see what has gone with him. I was held tight in bandage. indeed.” Dr. thinking. Thanks to you. They all had their meals in the parlour during the time I was bad. I started to shout. My silence seemed to make him afraid for me. Beautiful. This boy should be in his coffin. “Your mother is doing very well.

and Ivor when he had time. saying nothing. because if I went to you now. mind. although a bit solid for me. Bless you. later on. my son. In that way. not that he was unable to write his own. too. Tom Jenkins used to come up after school with her little girl. then we all have a chance to do the same. of course. let us turn this to good account. Mrs. and he looked at me for a moment. and we knew from the way he came in and sat down in his chair that there was something serious to be said.” he said. But when he came in. Stuart Mill’s System of Logic . But my father. Davy used to say the same thing. my father and Owen read before going to bed. “You are making me feel like Red Riding Hood in front of the old wolf. “There is clever you are. How happy he must have been to write about so great a man. My father put the paper down and took off his glasses and started to tap them on the chair. “have been lying there for going on three years and no sound from him but laughing and no words but cheerful. everybody was dumb with it. But if he was a man who found out for himself what there is that is hidden in life.” I said. And I could write beautiful. Good. then it is unfair to ask us to do what he did. But they were very kind to me. breathing a little extra from the Hill. “Handwriting Competition. and take away the work I had done during the day. then. they all started. He did appear to me then as a man. Have you got big. and a strange event with him. and as a man I still think of him. were good. or to see if anything was hidden that had been missed. for an entry of great merit. “I will have to stop by here to tell you what a good son you are. and then I knew it was nothing bad. but they had to stop reading Mr. “O. I am afraid. and we were waiting for my father because he was late. and give me the lessons for the day to follow. and laughing hurt too much. And the twopences shall pay for your school and for a holiday when you are better. Indeed. he had the paper under his arm as he carried his Bible.” he read. too. and I will put the old man back on his old baby’s food. when my father cleared his throat. It was during that time that I found out about books. were all at pains to explain when hard words came up.” Well. and picked up the paper.” Davy came and sat down by me when Bronwen went to get supper ready with the girls. There is good it did taste. here. but good. and I was bruising my brains trying to think what. Johnson would have had under the table with a look. And with the help of God. We had not many in the house. “Boys under twelve years of age. and I have never changed my mind. but a piece of pie instead of bread and milk. It was then that I had thoughts about Christ. I have had comfort. “tell me. my little one. They were all in the kitchen. Johnson. There is kind of her to come up all that way day after day. “and the first in the family to have your name in the paper. and so by easy stages I grew with them. no.” she said. I owe a big debt to Mr. You are a comfort. So I got to know all about matters concerning the Union and from the first I knew that things were wrong. Boswell’s Life of Johnson because it made me laugh. indeed. If he had been a God. You shall eat your dinner tomorrow by yourself. Huw. I have never said so. The Bible. dammo. and chew I did. I am going from this house to-night to try and find out what is the matter with me and the people I know. you. I will have you for that. I would be acting very silly. I am afraid. for it was reading time. Right. “You shall write for the Union. and Davy and Owen took turns to read books. I used to write his letters for him when I got better.” Bronwen said. There is a man was Dr. so that I would have a good hand when I was ready to leave my bed. son of Mr. Davy. Is it?” “Yes. Gwilym Morgan. How does that suit you?” “I would rather write for nothing for you. though a little weak. and if ever a man had cause to question his fellows. as though to get more from it each time. too. But we were in agonies there with Mr. but what there were.” Well. and I knew it in the end as well as Owen. for to be able to pay for myself was a good thought to me.” he said. “And that boy. resting back in the crook of her arm. that my father paid for. They read the few words in the paper over and over. She got handwriting primers for me. never mind a word. Huw.” he said. we shall. Gwilym ran down to fetch Ivor and Bronwen. I thought I had done something wrong. boy. looking over at me. pretending to be fainting and smiling in her own way. You shall have twopence every time you write a letter for me. but because I had all day to write in. My jaw was better now. and Davy. just to earn fourpence a week and do her best for a sick boy. So we all sat quiet. First prize of Two Guineas is awarded to Master Huw Morgan. with the smell .sometimes in the evening they were allowed in for a minute. or any more a son of God than any of us. But we got through to the end and all the better for it. that man was Davy. There is another man with a head.” She knew I would chew all the more for that. And you should have seen the look in my father’s eyes when he brought in the paper. I have heard him called an old busybody and other things. and looked all round at the boys. And make no mistake. “You are a clever boy. but I cannot put in words what came in me when I won a handwriting competition set by a paper in Town. It was so hard that we laughed no end at ourselves. Boswell. strong teeth with you?” She put her finger-tip in my mouth. “If you have trouble with the meat. and my heart bumped almost to the roof of my mouth. Indeed I do wish we had a few of his kind living to-day. best it was. Now then. and of course that was the cap for the evening. because there is something radically wrong with us all.” I said. Mind. But I have always noticed that those who said such things were the very ones whom Dr. to be sure. We could hear my mother singing to my new sister upstairs. but he gave no look to me at all.” he said. indeed. Bronwen gave me my supper that night as usual. though I still could not speak to them because of a broken jaw. but I gave her finger a good nip and held on and she screamed. My father put on his glasses.” she said. “No. “jaws he has got like an old mule.

of course. Every night he was hard at work in the back. For the first week she was so shy no one would have more than four words from her. to-night. Marged would hold her head down. though she has been a sanctuary to me all through my life. Morgan. and her warmth near me.” Owen said. “There is a scowl. knowing well. “Have you got any hot water. and he knows that the part he spoke about is never left on a chicken in this house. And the signs are all the same with the same family. and work less hours. and make you feel so pleased you would want to laugh more than you knew you should. indeed. leg or wing? “Anything. Marged had quiet prettiness with dark blue eyes that would change colour when she laughed. Well. So the years do go. Were you. habits. you never come to think that what is ordinary to you may be a desert of woeful newness to another. indeed. though not at Owen. still shy. “I had no notion you would be here. no. and very serious. no. But I never knew I was in love. He was sure he would make a machine to cut coal so that colliers could have an easier time of it. and most of all by people who have never known it. Of course. My mother was still too weak to do a day’s work properly. so she stayed on in bed. Perhaps it was wrong for a boy to feel in love with a woman ten years older than himself. and if you tried to make fun. black and with a handful of iron. “You leave Marged alone. “Marged is our guest. and her face made gold in the lamplight and laugh in her eyes. and they were yes. still with her back to him. at night. then?” asked Davy. leaving Marged in the house in case my mother called. but plenty of good stitching. and she had just got to the stage where she could smile at you quickly and look away in case you spoke. with more pay because the machine would cut more coal to be sold. Mr. “O. Mr. I tried. my eyes got tired and I was just going to sleep when the door opened quietly and Owen came in.” “Where is the bucket with you?” asked Marged. nailed to the floor. but kept her back to him and made plain her face. and sensible.” “I will fill a bucket. and got up.” said Owen. Marged was daughter of one of my father’s oldest friends. Nobody knew better than he that the cauldron was brimming with boiling water. I cannot blame poor Owen for falling in love. but nobody ever knew. how many with another. perhaps you will have it out on me. with you?” asked Owen. now?” asked Davy. My father was carving the chicken and he asked Marged what she would have. when Owen became her champion. until much later. as though it was shocking to think she could touch a bucket. and going red under them. please.” said Bronwen. . “Oh. who have no spirit within them to inspire it in others. “How much do you want?” she asked him. “If there is any joking. It was a couple of days after that. man. and with eight pairs of eyes upon her.” “Never mind about the table-cloth. and voices. You will have a hole in the table-cloth. You are so used to the house and people yourself. “No. But no use. So no harm was done. and calling to someone in the house to come and hold something while he hit it.” said Marged. with the curtains drawn in case I would sleep. “In a cup?” I had to stuff a corner of the blanket in my mouth to have quiet from myself. too. even Bronwen down to this day. There is a liar he was. as though he thought it was a miracle she could speak. “I would like a wash. “How will you have a wash. Davy may have been forward in his remarks. No answer from Marged. and thank you. I will be the one to do it. may put aches in the heart. And she would have been seventy-two next month. except Owen.” said Marged. and she came to us because her mother thought she should learn how to run a house for a family. “How about the parson’s nose. I could see her well. She had been with us for four or five days. and so did my father. still not looking. and making a nuisance. There is no need for you to do things like that for me. and Marged was not offended. quick.” he said.” “What is the matter with John Willie. my girl?” “No. Marged smiled at her work and said nothing. And you should have seen it. “No. because I remembered how Ivor had been with Bronwen. when I had proof I was right. and Owen was out in the back doing his inventions. and I was having games to count how many stitches with one colour. There was flame in that look.” Owen said. But only I saw the look she gave Owen. and looked up. of course. But there was no wrong in it.of lavender and thyme about me.” said Owen. Morgan. Marged was doing her tapestry by the fire and I was in the wall bed as usual. But so fast she used the needle. and black thunder he was looking at Davy. and stood.” said Owen.” said Owen. you would see tears and then you would be sorry. Bronwen tried all ways to have her talking. then she put her needle in a part she was coming to. How is it that people who have shy strangers to stay never think that home sickness and many strange faces. Take it off. Talk of love in such mouths is a grossness. then?” asked Marged. There is a lot of nonsense talked about love. and running down to Howell the Blacksmith to melt and fashion pieces of iron for him. “if there is any rebuking in this family. “I will get the bucket myself. as it always was. I could have told anybody that Owen was in love with her. please.” “Owen.” said my father. I had my first taste of it when Owen met Marged Evans. You could hear it. My father and the boys and Bronwen had gone down to choir practice. hammering and filing. “A nice wing.” Marged said. lying there as I had been. that made you feel as though you had put your eyes too near the fire. Marged said nothing for a moment. My father’s orders.

happy agony that do shine from inside and turn what it touches to something of paradise. and Marged’s hands dropped again. “Yes. “I love you. if one of us had only touched his iron. This look was in the eyes of Owen. She stood up.” said Marged. up his face. between a sigh and a sob.” he said. “Your’s are so big they are all my world.” Marged’s hands flew up on wings to her throat so pretty was his voice with her name. There is a look in his eyes of a man in love that will have you in fits unless you are in love yourself. it did seem. they looked at each other. “Here is the water. so slowly. but no move. for the first time.” “Jewels and gold?” said Marged.” “Dove’s eyes are small. you will feel something move inside you to be of help to him. “Are you going for the bucket. up his arm to his shoulder.” said Owen. never mind leaving it outside. “Yes. They were still. trying not to look. and making a big swallow. and down went the work again. “When will you marry me?” “I will have to ask Dada.” “No work about the house?” asked Marged. But I had no need to see. Marged felt that look. but burning coals are not as hot as the eyes of men like Owen. If you are.” said Marged. and so. so silly I was sorry for him. “No. You shall have everything to your heart’s want. so long I thought they were turned to salt. “When?” “You will wake Huw. but not a bit stern. “I love you. “I am speaking the truth. to try and have him happy even if there is no chance for you. Marged. “I have known you five thousand years. Of course. “Oh. a warming.” said Owen. not so certain. “What will I do all day.” said Marged. Owen caught her by the shoulders and kissed her.” He had no notion where to put his iron.” said Owen. shaking. I nearly fell through the bed so cold was her voice.” said Owen. from Solomon. At first I could not see Marged in the face because her back was to the fire and the lamp was behind her.” said Owen.” she asked him.” said Owen.” said Marged. now?” “Give it to me.” said Owen. now.” said Marged. He was watching Marged. “You shall wait for me. for I could feel. For minutes.” said Marged. “only five days you have known me. “When?” asked Owen.” said Owen.” she was whispering.” said Owen. And I could see her hands tight fast in her apron. “There is wicked you are. Almost before my eyes could see. then. But even Owen knew now. “Good. “Yes. “Yes.” Owen looked at her. and waved behind her.” he said.” said Owen. trying to be cold again. . In jewels and gold.” said Owen.” Owen said. “thou art fair. And no work about the house. To his eyes. and his voice was rough and sore with him.” “I knew from the moment. “Ermhh. indeed. mhh. slowly from the bucket. “They will be home from choir in a minute. “I have no jewels or gold. hardly a breath.” said Marged. Thou hast dove’s eyes.” “There is silly. blood would have run in the gutters. You will see a part of it in the eyes of sheep fastened to the board and waiting for the knife. and put down the bucket. and went forward step by step till he was at the side of her.” said Owen. high.” said Marged. then?” asked Marged. Marged Evans. Marged.” “Owen.” Marged said. “You will make me cry. a radiance that is holy.” he said.” Owen said. so he put it outside the door while he went for the bucket. looking. as though he had smashed a window. “O. “I have got my bucket. Marged was forced to look up. “Wait you till I sell my inventions.“Out by here in the wash-house. and she sat down to stitch again. It is a light that is rarely of the earth.” said Marged. “You shall have them. “No. Marged.” said Marged. “Since when. and meant it. That is love for you. and slowly again.” said Owen. but still she was stitching. mhh. “shall I have some. just. The other part you will see only in the eyes of a good man who has put his heart into the hands of a girl. going cold again.” said Owen. “Behold.” “No. and I believed him. wanting to or not. “I wish they would never come back. now?” “By the brook of Hebron. because she straightened her shoulders and made to shiver. Now. “Yes. But Owen made no move to the wash-house. “There is beautiful you are. “Leave it. “No.” said Marged. “Marged. Back he came. and I could see the shadow bless her throat as she swallowed again.” Marged said. “Make your own mind to answer.” said Marged. scraping like an old hen. “Marged.” she said.” said Owen. “O.

as though she had heard them come in. “Yes. “Is Huw sleeping?” my mother called down.” he said.” I said. Are you having plenty to eat with Bronwen?” “Yes. “When I saw you first. indeed. quick looks.” she said. Then I was in a pumpkin jelly. boy. and run. thank you. You shall be happy every minute. Richards is going to let me get up soon. “How are you?” “Lovely. Owen turned toward the wall bed.” “I wish I was. that she was still Mama.” “No. That night I remember well. “Dr. “Good night. I suppose. “How are you to-night. but too quickly.” she said. “He told me so.” I said.” I said. “so I will see you.“Me. “In the back. at this time. Marged came in looking red. Small. and the sureness in her voice would make you smile to yourself. we would speak in the morning.” she said.” “I will be up on Saturday. “Go on. will you? I will make milk cakes for supper. girl. girl. “Yes. and you will never hear deeper truth.” I said. as though astonished. and meddlar trifle. “It is shocking cold there. “Beyond compare. for while we were speaking. and you shall see what those old pots shall cook. “Mama wants to talk to you.” I said.” When supper was ready and Owen was called in by Gwilym. Mama.” “Never mind if you have. and gently. Is there?” “I have never been. and making a sign to Owen. and they were still there after my father came in with Ivor and Bronwen from the choir practice. “Is your leg paining now?” “No. and holding her again. “Never mind. “Like you did. hand in hand. “Wait you till I am from this old bed. “I often think of apple and ginger fool.” “All of them you shall have. and there was such longing in her voice that I pretended to cough to have time to rid my throat of the stone. smiling properly now.” she said. unbelieving. she spoke to me.” my mother said. and if you pressed her cheeks they blew off and broke in colours. So are liars made.” “Marged. I am going mad here. but if I had gone to sleep. not knowing whether to say yes or no. so we were great friends from when she was born. “No. “she is sleeping these hours. but dull.” my mother said. “there is nice things you say. “There is no harm done to go in and find out for yourself. because she was good at bubbles. Bronwen was a cook above good cooks and it seemed unfair to say that my mother was better. Aunty Beth?” asked Marged. and they stood looking. “Tell Marged not to put more on the fire. indeed. and he did not exist for her. is she?” my mother asked me. to be wished for and welcomed.” he said. Mama.” she said. looking at Bronwen with big eyes. I saw the months of lying in bed and thinking of her house and children under the care of another woman all go screeching through my mother’s mind.” “Owen. and since they thought I was asleep they were careless of the gap in the curtains and the eyes that looked from the shadow inside.” said Marged. and rattling plates. you would never have thought there could have been any feeling between Marged and him. with laughing.” my mother said. with everything they were thinking crushed into them. But I caught the looks they sent across the table while everybody was eating. my little one?” my mother called back. “Not once. boy?” he asked me. “Extra. but so quiet that he would never have had me awake if I had been sleeping. They sat nearer to me than to the others. and Olwen was her name. indeed. then. “Yes.” Marged said. I saw Bronwen look at her with that smile that was not a smile. Mama. my little one. thinking what I should be doing instead of lying down and nursing this fat old lump of a girl.” I said. “I wonder should Owen have a fire out there. “Are you sleeping. “Like I did?” “Yes. Mama. I will stab myself for every tear.” Bronwen asked. still. And when you stood up for me about the chicken.” So it was. But my mother was my mother and her voice was full of longing to know that she was missed by us.” my mother said. as though I had been sleeping.” He would have said more. “No.” I said. I wanted to kiss you.” I called. “There is beautiful you are. Mama. so nothing was lost.” my mother said. with enough heat to cause blazing. Owen and Marged went hand in hand on tiptoe through to the back. Even though a lie had to be said. because I wanted no black looks from either.” I said. Put the baking stone on. indeed.” he said. He seemed not to notice her.” he said.” “O?” said Bronwen. “Where is Marged?” asked Bronwen.” Bronwen said.” said Bronwen. “Yes. nearly every night. and go to the cupboard for the plates. Without taking time.” “Good night.” said Marged. “Make her say bubbles. . Go you to sleep. but then my mother tapped on the bedroom floor with her shoe. She was often brought to play on my bed while Bronwen and Angharad were making my mother comfortable upstairs.” Lovely was my small sister. Every night. “I will worship you all my life.” said Owen. that she was not forgotten. “But Bronwen is not such a good cook as Mama. Mama. and plum pie. and trying to have her breath without a struggle.” “Yes. “No matter. That was her sign that she wanted to speak to me. “Yes. now. too. Mama.

without waiting. beautiful indeed. my son. The new furniture was in the houses next door. Everywhere was singing. mind. and strange he was looking. “is the handmaiden of the Lord. there and then. and my aunts as they came. and the women from the Hill. so sour she was with it. the girls cooking out in the back. all cooking or cutting bread and butter. “Huw.” “Nature. and Dr. and fiddlers. in fun. with his fingers itching with him. Gruffydd. Four harpists were coming from other valleys.” I said. boy.” said Mr. too. Have you faith. all new and elegant beyond words. Gareth. and looked down at the floor and up at me and winked. Richards said. and the women upstairs hanging the last curtains. but the Reverend Mr. and I cannot say how many more. Bronwen was looking after him with her hands all flour with her and the other girls were nodding at one another and looking as though something serious had happened. Merddyn Gruffydd. he pulled his moustache as though he was ashamed of his feeling. sir. and my aunts and uncles in the front room. so everybody laughed except the doctor. I had seen everything from the wall bed until it became time to move me. “There is a fine man he is. and pulled his coat down at the back and walked out funny to make me laugh.” my father said. Bow your head. my son.” said Bronwen. There is beautiful all the new paper and paint looked.” “Leave your head on the pillow. and all Bronwen’s family. Mr.” “Good. Gruffydd. and it creaked to make you hold your teeth. “What is wrong.” said the Reverend Mr.” said my father. to be out of the house for Idris to paint the bedrooms. and Mr. giving things a little push. never mind all the village. and he was looking at me. Gruffydd. Yes?” “Yes.” I said. But she thought she was being taken away to have the wooden bedstead riveted. Hundreds of people there were outside. “Nothing. inside and out. If you had seen my mother’s face when she came in the house. all washed and polished and scrubbed to have the house tidy for my mother. My father was in and out of the kitchen every minute. Richards. Nicholas. the new preacher.” Of course. you would have laughed first and then wanted to cry. indeed. at last. When I was carried back next morning I knew the kitchen was ours only by the shape. There is crowds there will be at Chapel. Never mind how long you are here. And when he looked round and found me watching him. Gruffydd. Bron?” I asked her. Mr. “I am. Gruffydd. Everybody joined in the hymn.” said the Reverend Mr. sir.” I said. “And not a doubt about it. I do remember that she was given orders on one or two occasions to hurry herself more than usual. The choir came up in a crowd and I could hear them singing as they walked up the Hill. Gruffydd only shook his head and waved his hand and smiled at me before he went back in the other room. sir. “I will come to see you every day. now then. “This is Huw. and a piano was brought up from the Town. Do you want to go out with the other boys?” “Yes indeed. He had the choir coming up the Hill to sing outside the door. Will you?” “Indeed I will sir. and the new preacher and the colliery manager and Dr. and she had sworn to have an axe up there and chop it up and throw it away through the back window for the fire. What has been done before can also be done again. My father brought the new preacher in to see me before my mother came from Bronwen’s. “Thank you. The ceiling was white. Gruffydd.” said the Reverend Mr. but I knew that afterwards it was going to Bronwen for a present from my father and mother for the first grandchild. There is a fool an old bedstead can be. so I knew there was something. My father had made all sorts of surprises for her. Richards stood in the doorway because the kitchen was full up with girls and women. came from Town with the piano. and I was on fire. “Good. for it was old.” he said. and furniture. and the very air was song. it was all ready. sir. though perhaps not so quickly. then. “Yes. that was a cut for Dr.” Dr. or frowning at piles of crockery on the floor. Mr. little Huw. My wall bed was so pretty in yellow it was a pleasure to go back in there and look up at the sun shining upon it as though he was glad to have something his own colour to land on and live with. or looking at half-made curtains. smiling now. all over the house was singing. “God bless you. as though impatient to do everything himself. and all my uncles and aunts.” . Richards to tea. my little one?” “Yes. “Huw Morgan. and frowning. and Bronwen and Angharad and the others with me in the kitchen.” I said. “Supervising I am. All that morning my sisters and Bronwen. Then Idris John started to paint the house from top to bottom.” I said. never let that light go from your eyes. and outside the house was alive with singing. see. Gruffydd. She had been carried on the mattress down to Bronwen’s a couple of days before. and the walls were pale blue and yellow with all the rough places and the cracks filled in. piled up in their front rooms and passages waiting for Idris to finish and the girls to wash down.” said the Reverend Mr. The kitchen was quiet when he went. Well. with paint on smooth boards. and then Ivor carried me into the front room. Gruffydd. “Are you sure you will go from here one day?” asked Mr. Huw. the colliery manager. “you shall see the first daffodil out upon the mountain. “Nature must take her course. never mind what all the doctors have got to say. It was so changed with Idris and his brush. Gruffydd. this is the Reverend Mr. and his hand was cool on my forehead. “The boy will be no better for those ideas.This it was that went so near to spoil my mother’s coming down that Saturday.

dear. and your throat hard with effort. and back she went to her cakes. and to spare. “Wait you. and presently I heard the front door open. Idris. Glorious is the Voice of Man. “Plenty. and up the stairs.” said my mother. then you try it louder and louder until you are screaming at the top of your voice. “After the doctor and all this?” asked my mother. “Yes.” she said. and she got up.” my father said.” But my mother was only joking. because my mother was coming. “There is a wife you have got.” said Bronwen. with your mouth wide open. with her.” No words would come from me. Back they came to the kitchen again and they stood by the table. and the new furniture.” she said. “Of course I am better. so you will try louder. now. “The snow got into it. There is a rush they made. and then we looked at each other and we started to laugh at the same time. indeed. still smiling and giving a wink to me. in rich beauty rose their voices now employed in noble purpose. but when she bent over me and saw me pulling faces. but not all of them together except for the choruses. boy?” my mother said. First you will make a noise in the same key in the back of your throat. and bumping against one another and laughing. “Are you ready to see the house. Do I look better?” “Your hair is white with you. and looking at him. “There is kind you are. and the cheering growing louder outside. we can do with one here. and carry the Ay on a few beats till you stop for your breath.” she said.” my mother said. and I turned my head. pretending to be angry. I had never heard him call my mother that before. indeed. “there are some blackberry tarts coming up the Hill now in a minute. There is a fool you look. of course. and her hand to her mouth. and in the middle of that comes a thought. from there. Women are so brave. Gwilym. My father and mother were up there a long time. and try to do a bit of cheering by yourself. Dear. Beth?” my father asked. and starting again on the potatoes. There is pretty it did sound. “Well.“Yes. and picking up bits of peel and rubbing flour off the tiles. a shouting and cheering started that made the very pots on the table shake together. and wiping my face. and laughing she was. and your good voice wasting in Ay. I looked round quickly at the doorway and found my mother watching me with diamonds in her eyes. now?” my mother asked. Gwil.” She was looking about the kitchen. Gwilym.” said my mother.” “Are you better.” my mother said. “Better. ran. and white hair. Beth. and saw me smiling. and look up at sunlight stretching itself on a bed of yellow paint.” “I wanted to get up. “Sweetheart mine.” said Mrs. enough time for the choir to go through four hymns and Comrades in Arms. There was nothing to cry about. looking on the floor and curling her fingers in her chain. In dignity and harmony. “Glad I am you like it.” “Yes. and their faces going straight with them again. Just then. now. and another rush to pat my bedclothes tidy and giving me smiles. there is a wife. Whether to laugh or cry. “Plenty. “You had your old cap on. putting her hand on his arm. but it will sound as though you had an old fish bone by there. There is a blush. “and bringing another little sister for Huw. Wait you. For the sake of making a noise. staying in bed all this time and leaving her family to strangers. I suppose because they had been told to watch for it. my little one. the choir started to sing. and then finding everybody had left it half done. So I stopped cheering and listened for somebody coming in. “Huw. “There is beautiful. with a rattle of bowls and a clashing cutlery. so there was no sense in crying. see. “Sh. “There is beautiful. And there was left only the chickens on the spit.” my mother said.” “Well. she began to pull a few. But now. indeed. indeed I am. “What is left in the box. plenty.” my mother said.” said my father.” my father said. and then she looked quickly at me and ran. If you will have Ay. . yes. and then I heard them coming down. and leaving it for something else. He was standing in the doorway. and kisses from Bronwen and Angharad. and all of them trying to wipe down the table at once. and blushed more. She did think so. too. watching us. and me. and looked quickly at me. My mother came over to me and I heard her skirt sighing across the tiles. Gwil. There is lovely after that senseless noise.” said my father. with a click of the latch and a tapping on the cobbles. Quick as quick Bronwen and the others finished all they were doing and ran to be from the kitchen when my mother came in. and all of them rushing back again to do it properly.” I said. You will never know how silly is cheering until you lie on your back. too. and the cheering. “Well. and smiling.” said my father.” said my father. and putting more coal on the fire. and sweet is the music of the harp. Then you cannot make up your mind whether it should be Hurray or Hooray or Hurrah or just Ay. “He have had a revival wherever he have been to preach. Mama?” I asked her. and then they had gone. All this time there had been singing outside. “Huw.

” “No matter. girl. and some to look at me and smile. Mama. There is patient is the mouth. “But if I will start shouting laughing in the middle. “Have those girls got ready?” “Yes.” “Gracious goodness. with laughing in his voice. “come into your house.” “Thank you. indeed. boy. “but there is to be no say from me.” I said. you.” they said. “Great is my joy. “I will say that with a good cup of tea. Not a sound else was to be heard except the littler sounds of the new paint finding homes in the cracks. and both passing down with such a taste that will make you close your eyes and wish you might live for ever in the wideness of that rich moment. “there is like your old Dada you are. with berries as big as your thumb. indeed. now. whose name shall for ever be borne upon a shield of shining gold through the Five Valleys and beyond.” she said to me.” my mother laughed. then. then. mind. A big voice called for silence. enter thou in honour while we give thanks to Almighty God for His many mercies.” A big laugh from the crowd who knew they would have to be silent in the four walls of the Zion. all taking out plates of bread and butter and pies and cakes and buckets and baths of hot water for the teapots. “there is nothing to say except thanks to Mr.” “Good. “Yes. In a moment the kitchen was full. now. and my breath coming slow and steady and making the bedclothes hiss. you shall have the blame. Beth?” my father asked her. There was no talking to be done for now the house was packed solid with people to see the new furniture and paint.” said my father. O noble mother. “Shall we go out to Mr.” he said.” No good to keep straight your face when my father looked at you like that. “and the rest are out in the front. and taking his arm from her waist and giving him a little push to the door. O woman. and a crust to endear them that will go to cream in your mouth. “Out in the back they are waiting. and for the sparing of thy gallant son. thanks to God I have said a thousand thousand times. and the table getting comfortable on the new tiles. Gruffydd would not find it hard to be heard over in the next valley if he had notions to try. and his voice tolled about the Valley. But I will have you in Chapel. open and shouting.” he called. “to be thus honoured upon the first day of my ministry among you. But now. “They will be shouting if you try to run. and put them into my hands. Mama. “Friends. but a different note in the shout. Strange it was to see tears in their eyes and to feel their sympathy. “I have been waiting long for this. No more to be said.” “But what will I say?” my mother said.” “If your Dada will see you eating without a cloth. Come you. carrying them high and with care not to spill. and the deep sound of it slid down the Hill.” I said. “Beloved. But those who had made up their minds to see me. waiting these months.” in my mother’s voice. Wait you.” said my mother.” he said. purple and black. Come you. The kitchen went so quiet that I could hear the grease dropping from the chickens on the spit. I was into that tart. keeping off the people with her elbows and eyes. So my mother struggled with her mouth for a moment and then she started to laugh.” But before she had turned her back.” “Amen.” my father said. I was thankful that Bronwen was sitting by my pillow for she hid most of them. “that your patience will not permit an oration.” my father said. and yet to be able to say nothing to them in thanks.” she said. and I knew that the Reverend Mr. with friends. all getting in each other’s way and laughing and pushing and pretending to be stuck in the doorway. “what will he say to me? You are bringing up your son fit for a sty. and processions came and went through the front.curling her fingers in her chain. my little one. now just. “It should be easier. girl. boy. “Beth Morgan. Angharad came over with the cloth while my mother was pouring tea in her place. and frowned at me to say nothing. poked in their heads and patted my feet. to be called to this house of sacrifice to welcome back a wife and mother. “I give you greeting in the name of the Crucified. Mouth on mouth. All the girls ran round the back lane and through the back door. and laughing.” “Only to say thanks. then. and thick with juice. Let me see a smile with you.” Out they went. and the chair resting itself. and for somebody else inside here.” Shout. now. and such a shout to meet them as they opened the front door.” said my mother. “It is evident. and have to eat.” “Right. that soon will be filled with food. “wait you till I will have a cloth here. “I am coming back again. “blackberry tart for you this minute. shout. Gruffydd now. “Now then. My mother came through the crowd with a big blackberry tart in one hand and my tea in the other. blackberry tart. Beth. there is no profit to talk. There is plenty.” He had to stop.” Again the crowd were shouting. Mama. O.” “You will have to have a couple of words with them. That I have come home. standing upon the window sill of the front room. and Bronwen came to spoon my cup for me. not the cloth. “speak so that I will hear you. But the noise was beyond words. Gruffydd.” said my father.” she said. for the gift of thy life. Cups and saucers and plates and knives and forks and spoons and boots and shoes were clattering and . girl. nodding as she did when there was nothing more to be done. Then I did talk for good reason to a parcel of dull men. urging her. for the crowd was big and shouting was loud.” my mother said.” he said. and make a noise.” I said. “Go on with you.” my mother said. “You found something to say last time you spoke.

” said Davy.” Marged said.” Davy said. Gwil. Gruffydd moved out of the front room toward the crowd outside the back door. Evans. “but if I said it as he is now. “If he will listen.” Bronwen took my cup from me and pinched the crumbs of tart from beneath my chin. Mama. this moment.” he was shouting. “Be silent.” his voice went on. “Of course she will marry Owen Morgan.” said my mother.” she whispered. Evans.” said Owen. dear Mrs. “Her mother have known these weeks.” my father called.” said Mr.” “Shut up. too. And as for you. and tears were in plenty.” said her father. “there is an awful thing to happen indeed. “O. and thankful I am. I would be very sorry indeed.” said Bronwen. . all of you.” my father was saying.” “I am not sorry for saying what I did. “Come you.” my father said. Evans. Only pretending.” “There are none better. “Mr. please to see my father before you say more. dear. hisht. young man. say you are sorry. I will be very happy to have Marged in the family.” “Leave me go to smash in his head. Wait till she will have him home. “and I will thank you to keep out of this matter.” said my father. “If you had seen his face. Gwilym.” said my father.” said Gwilym. now. I am ashamed of you. “You are making it worse. “Wait you. “Now then. dear. in anger. and the crowd began to laugh. as though that was the end of the matter.” Gwilym was shouting. everybody heard him. Evans. man. Come.” Angharad said.” “Right. you. Shame I do feel. stubborn as a pig of iron. and women were talking and laughing in soprano and contralto. Say you are sorry to Mr. bringing back my full cup.” said my father. “Loose his teeth.” my mother said. Evans. “Gwilym. I shall never know why you were called after your father. “So now then for you.” The crowd in the kitchen made way as my father and the Reverend Mr.” “Give the old fool a good kick. “Beth. Owen.” Owen said. “I will take no orders from you. that this old fool of a man should cause trouble on this day of all others. what is the trouble. “He was holding her about the waist. “I will run away from you. and making all the talk fall away again. “and have a glass in health. and men were shouting and joking in tenor and in basso. “there is no need for language like that from you. “Owen will never forget that as long as he is living. But I am strict about such things.” she said. for causing this trouble. and people near the door were hushing others in the front who were still talking. “O. Mr. you wastrel.” As though Mrs. Mr.” said Mr.” Marged’s father shouted back.” There was quiet for a moment.” said Gwilym. “you old fool. while the men went down the Hill to drink healths and sing on their own.” Bronwen called. plain to be heard. the old devil. Evans. In a moment the whole house was shaking in laughter. pushing through the crowd from our side. he was. And I suppose he started to smile. “Eh. Evans?” “Your son was in this shed with my daughter. “Let me find you near my daughter again. “The tea is getting cold. “go from here. and somebody started to sing. Almost then. Morgan. as he was then.” said the crowd to one another. Owen was not to be found that night. in anger. as though hands were holding him. “what is it?” “Come you. Mr. “What were they doing?” asked my father. but it was all stirred up as though someone was bent on making a cake out of sound and would have a good mixing for a start.” “I was kissing her. quick. “I am sorry.” said my father. “Shame on you. “That is the best you will have from that quarter.” “I will be judge of that.” shouted Gwilym.” said Mr. “Glad I am. Sion Evan Evans.” “Hisht.” “I will have a talk with him. now.” mocked Gwilym. her voice rose out in the back. and again everybody started to laugh.” “No.” But now everybody was singing and it was getting dark and the lamps were rising into yellow flowers and the women had work to do. “Close your head. “There is an old fool that Evans is. Evans. Gwilym. Evans. for a quiet fell. “and I will thrash you till the end of your life. too. and people in front began hushing again. “that it has ended like this.” Up went the talk again.scratching and shuffling. now. as though he had no wish to air the matter.” said Mr. Then it was that I heard Owen shouting out in the back. Gwilym.” “Let us go now. But presently it drained off. Gwilym. with relief. Evans had heard.” “I will have my daughter from here.

” Bronwen said to Marged. “You are talking like the women at the pits. as though he was throwing bones to a dog. Not only my mother was unhappy. I am having a talk to Owen for a minute.” Bronwen said. who was hard at work on his invention. “Shut up.” I said.” Bronwen said. “No use. as though the life had gone from her. now. Owen came in behind and closed the door.” she said. for it was while I was trying to thread lead in the compass that Marged threw open the door. “He said he is not in love with you after everybody had a hand in the courting. looking from Marged to Owen and across at me. and tears were in her eyes for so long that I would start to count the beats before they fell. “There is silly you are. He had been very quiet. and behave yourself. “Wait now. “Not silly I am. ready for Mrs.” Owen said. pressed against the wall.” she said. and pulled the buttons from her cloak as she threw it from her. One night.” she shouted. and so wise. I shall always remember the drawing I made of an isosceles triangle inside a circle.” Owen said. once. of sickness in us.” Marged said. now that she was downstairs. and her eyes staring and froth at her mouth. for I was so surprised at her.” “Hush. I knew that my mother was unhappy about him. “Am I going to be treated like an old bit of rag between you?” Marged asked. and opened the door. Bron. for it was a certain sign. acting as she was. But she always was if any of us ever missed having a meal.” said Marged.” She had no need to shout twice. “I will have a knife in her. “Pull you. and turn to run out in the wash-house. “Take her outside and tell her yourself. “I have watched you these weeks looking at him. Bronwen used to come in at night when Ivor had finished supper.” said Marged. I saw it clearly though she tried not to show it. “Shut up.” “I went to ask Owen why he was so cruel to you. was it my fault my father called us in front of them all? It was you who wanted to kiss.” “Good. Owen. who was in the lamp shadow. “After you had finished with him. and not blinking. and although my father had said not to worry. “Owen. “Owen. facing Bronwen. and sit with me to hear my lessons. and she took care. Even till now I have enjoyed his theorems.Chapter Eight I T WAS MANY DAYS before Bronwen had chance to speak to Owen because now she was not in our house such a lot. “My mind is hard. “Tell her why you came out there. to see that they were done.” She turned round to face the shed and lifted her chest to have a deep breath. as though she were bitten through with cold. So simple they are. as though we should be laughing. in a high voice. she said. I had the teapots to fill and I told you to stop but you only kissed me more.” I said. standing with his back to it.” Owen said. Then she would shake. with her hair all ends against her face. and good for the training of the mind.” “You made me. “there is a child in the room.” .” Bronwen said. and back to my books as she closed the door. he meant.” Bronwen said. Come you out from by there. and the house was still. All except Owen. “Who is with Owen?” she was whispering. “Bronwen is. “Only talking they are. and then help Angharad with the food boxes for the men next day. catching her by the shoulders and pushing her in the kitchen. worse because it was so deep.” said Bronwen. Often she stood looking through the window toward the shed where Owen was working. from head to foot. “No. but Marged. for my mother was having her way about things. The shed door opened before she had finished and Bronwen came running to her. staring at me as though she could kill. When my mother had gone with my father. “Wait you. and stood with the wind blowing her cloak against her. Settle it. “Bronwen Morgan.” I said.” “What.” Owen said. “Is Marged here?” she asked me. she has. Several times he had missed his meals. girl. Bronwen came in through the back and took off her cloak as though she had work to do.” Bronwen said. “Gone with Mama and Dada and the others. then?” I asked her. I was learning Euclid at the time. looking drawn knives at Marged. and the door coming to shut quietly behind her.” “Tell her. lately. so they were giving her a special meeting and everybody was going. “You know well there was a better reason than the one you thought. “Tell her what I told you. girl. in the same voice. Tom Jenkins in the morning.” “Take her outside. with her hand to her mouth.” Owen said. “For weeks he has treated me like a ghost. Owen.” “Not much misses him.” said Owen. the first she had been to since she was ill.” “Tell her.” she said. Bron.” “Good. too. now. my mother went down to a prayer-meeting with my father. “You will know this minute. “Talking?” Marged said.” I said. Only talking? Now I know. looking at me.

and she had gone with them. I suppose it is because when such things as this happen. who was old enough now to understand all that was said to him. and so strong were the companies. They had been friends.“Harden not your hearts. Owen stayed away a long time after that. and at last. But Owen was still. “Men who are born to dig coal. watching him go to the door. I heard nothing of it because they met in Bronwen’s house. “Where. but Owen looked at the blue tiles that ran round by the table legs.” Bronwen pleaded. that he was unable to make much progress. furnished with money out of the box. sometimes for a minute in the early morning.” I said. except Davy and me. Lud. But they have no need of . he left over three hundred pounds to the Chapel. the minds of men reach out for something ordinary to think about. all the princely. “How did you come from Hebron. when the men were going to work. and Davy was away so often that he was almost a stranger when he came home. I never heard my father mention his name after the wedding.” I said. up on the mountain and down by the river.” “Good night. He went one night when I was asleep. Evans on any excuse at all. The three of them looked at each other. quick. Indeed. my girl. Bronwen was tied to the house because of Gareth at the time. Marged. That was long enough. Bronwen looked again at Owen. Gwilym took Marged to live over in the new houses in the other valley. as though that was the end of it for one night. So nobody had any. hard as he tried. Gruffydd. But Marged had left hours before. and Owen came from the door as they passed out. But not one of them moved. until I was wondering why it was never heard at other. Our box. They were the same age and Gwilym had always been in love with her. but he had so many enemies among them. But when they came home my father was so angry he would eat no supper.” Owen was looking up at the ceiling. with a conscience that would not allow him to rest idle. “Owen. and went to the fire. I knew. as though it were rowing Time toward us. Every day he called in to see me. Old Evans gave them nothing. I am waiting to do my lessons. and only my mother and Angharad went. Evans came over that night. too. He was working on his patent models at the steel works. her head bounced up and back to her breast. “Right. with the help of the Reverend Mr. and the door shut to wave the house. Boadicea. “but it was pity she should cry like that.” he said. for her third boy. and my father refused to meet Mr. The clock rocked away. Caradog. The Union was climbing. and Marged at Owen. I suppose because Owen was.” I said. Bronwen and Owen at Marged. I could still hear Bronwen talking to Marged out in the back.” Owen said. boy. and sometimes. but something must have altered Evans. when Morris the Butcher had come up to ask Bronwen to sit with his wife. looking in my books.” she said. or at night. He was trying at that time to join with the men on the Railways. where they were giving him tools to make his invention. and had a mind to fly under the bedclothes. seeming to get louder at every stroke. Good night now. I counted five thousand bricks outside here. “You can spend your time better than that.” Marged went without a word. boy?” Owen said. Cadwaladr. not even a cup and saucer or a bit of fat for the pan. I saw in his eyes the light that Mr. So the house was nearly empty of boys. But when he died a couple of years after. But Bronwen never came. All night they searched for Marged. Owen?” I asked him. shining host passed into my keeping and from me to little Gareth. Owen was away from home when the wedding happened. in the first place. early in the morning. Coel. There is white is her neck with her. So Gwilym married Marged. “Long time you did wait. or to talk to old people who could not walk the miles across the gorse on a Sunday to come and pray. using ordinary little sounds. ordinary times.” he said. This is beautiful she must have looked in her jewels and gold. “Tell Bron. There is angry were my father and mother. in the afternoons for an hour at a time. “where you met Marged.” “No.” “Be quiet now.” Owen said. or else my father was having more sense. they found out from Ellis the Post that she had met some people going from the meeting the night before who were driving into the next valley. “Five thousand years. Gruffydd said to me. looking at them. I had my eyes crossed. But I was making progress. Gruffydd must often have seen in mine.” I said. “Huw.” “Hush. Day in and day out. Let us have a cup of tea at my house. he was over the mountain to see people and ask them why they were not at Chapel. then. as a buffer for their mental engines. Her neck at the back was so white it was a lovely surprise. From him I learnt our history. “Hebron. and I often read his letters to his friends who could not read for themselves. quick.” Out he went. “Come you. “need strength and courage. But not so angry as when Mr. so I stayed as I was.” I said. “Better than a lot of us. or to sit with the sick. but few and far. to try and take the hurt out of the matter. He was a hard-working man. because I was writing his letters when he was home. who was waiting. and I had mine after the others had gone to bed. too.” Mr. perhaps the tick of the clock. My mother sent Angharad down to fetch Marged when she came back from the meeting. Marged put down her head and started to cry so hard that when she sobbed. He stood looking at a cut on his hand for a minute. “there is no need to tell you to keep this to yourself. without looking at me.

of course. Gruffydd’s quiet voice. Gruffydd. But the fingers of Miss Jenkins on the strings of the harp took all feeling from us. my son.” said my father. Miss Jenkins from over the mountain. looking at Elias.” . looking at us all as through we were all ripe to be swept into the Pit. Upon all of you. and any of them who knew my father. and went as close to Mr. “You have forced your way into this house and you have been abusive.” Elias said. “till you will meet the deacons. until Mr.” I said. I will have a word with you in Chapel. Morgan. and put the pipe back in his mouth. and you have chosen to take your authority from the Bible. Mr. who were sucking their oranges in a way that was making my mother to look at them sideways and bite her lips. Morris the Butcher and his wife. sir. Mrs. I am surprised and deeply hurt to think that such a man has been teaching my children in Sunday School. Christmas Evans the Colliery. but the crowd leaned against one another to hold him tighter. Shame upon you. So big was the harp in the kitchen that the harpist had to sit in the doorway so that all might come to have warmth of the fire.” “And how shall it be kept clean. In between songs. sent everybody so still and soundless that I could hear the water coming from the stream above the garden. and he was ready with the broom. the table was heavy with every mortal thing that can be made by women who are anxious to please the stomachs of their guests. the cashier.” he shouted. Mr.” said my mother. so she deserved the praise. “Shall we have a session now. There are too many of your sort walking the earth. When you pray. direct thinking. or shouting. I will have the leg of that goose if Beth will pass the plate. Gruffydd?” I asked him. “I will give him a good clout with the frying-pan. so filling in the close space. and everybody looked uncomfortable. Owen Madog from the new railways. But you must not forget that the Man Himself attended at Cana. Huw. “By prayer. indeed. above the clapping for me.” “It is far from enough. then?” “Shame on you. Nothing pleased my mother more than to be told how good were her dishes. growing fast now. and a couple of people I cannot remember. Then Mr. As for you. and bright. He had a voice like a little crake with him. and wine for the women. my son?” “Indeed. Do you still want to see the first daffodil out up on the mountain. even by sight. sir?” “It does not concern you.” he said.” “A moment. now the women. Keep up your spirit. “if it is all the same to you. any more than the mole or the blind worm. by any conduct of mine.” Elias said. Christmas that year was quiet with us because Davy and Owen were away. think well what you are saying. clean. “you should think shame to be acting like this on such a night. “If I will reach it. and. What do you find wrong in this meeting?” Mr. Gruffydd brought some people up for a night of singing on Boxing Day. and make your thoughts into things that are solid. Elias a pint of home-brewed. and that strength shall become part of you. you could have stood things on it without them falling down. Now the men singing. “Mr. Gruffydd was in our house. Dr. and as for the air.” said my father. Gruffydd got up while we were all laughing.” Elias said to my mother. body and spirit. or wallowing like a hog in religious sentiments. Gruffydd. “not mumbling. but into him. everybody knew Mr. I had just finished a song when Elias the Shop pushed his way through the crush at the back door and stood pressed in with his face and one shoulder showing.” said Mr.” Mr. People heard the singing. Prayer is only another name for good.” my father said. Fine eyes had Mr. So it was an empty house. “Let us have Comrades in Arms again. But there was soon no room. your conduct is fit for a meeting of the deacons. in the hopes of being asked to come in. so keep clean your spirit. “If you do not know. Elias as the crowd would allow. for it pleased her to know that she was a good cook and that people enjoyed what she made for them. As your father cleans his lamps to have good light. Tom Jenkins and her two little girls. were trying the old trick of putting their heads in at the door to wish us all well. “What is your object in making this outburst. and Gwilym had taken Marged over to see her parents. In that manner. Now go. Angharad had gone to the farm where Ceridwen was working to take our Christmas presents. and their own vanity. and the strangers sang their songs and taught us. and for me in the wall bed it was so hot as being in the oven with the geese. in a voice that told very plainly that he did not. Gruffydd and the harpist. and left. or tea in abundance. before I take you by the neck and throw you.” “There are eight deacons present. “Pray. “I am very sorry if you have been hurt in your good conscience.” “Give Mr. Besides my father and mother and me. and bottles.” said Mr. This is a holy day. “it is not my place to tell you. plenty of home-brewed beer. Mr.” said my father. what next will you do in your iniquity?” “Well. And if the songs made them hungry. Mr. Beth. all followed as fast as one would stop. Mr. Mr. and taught the strangers. “Profaners of the holy days. so very soon the front and back of the house was thick fast with people all standing and listening. Gruffydd. your prayer will have strength. Richards and his wife and daughter. I do.” he said.” Elias shouted. excepting the joy of song and the desire to sing. and so funny it sounded against the basso of my father that I was bound to push my fist in my mouth not to be rude.” “Shame on you. Songs and part-songs. looking not at him. Bowen ap Rhys. my dear. arias and dance melodies. “Gwilym Morgan. there was Mr. and also provided the best wine. Miss Jenkins. My mother started cradle songs she had taught us years before. “so soon delivered from the jaws of death to repay your Maker by fouling His holy day. cantatas. Gruffydd.spirit. with their children.” “Strike the note. for that is the heritage of a thousand generations of the great ones of the Earth. Elias. my son. sharp points to them like the needles poking from my mother’s apron front. Perhaps vanity is not the right word. and Ivor took Bronwen and Gareth over the mountain to see her father and mother.” he said. which you may have judged to be out of keeping with the time. mind. hymns and psalms. for she spent hours in cooking and making new dishes. tapping. Gruffydd. and struggling to come more to the front. Mr. That is enough. Evans danced a couple of songs he had learnt from a gypsy.

Those times. so small. Sweet it was. and greatly he relished it. and every morsel of it he took. that what happened that night.How could we have known. . now at this moment. have gone. then. their son and daughters and their shop. But his revenge was the sweeter when he had chance to have it. those people. How can there be fury felt for things that are gone to dust. Elias never forgot that night. so foolish. would be the cause of misery to us all. But even of him I can think of with sorrow. and Mrs. Elias. even Mr.

” my mother said.” I said. Soon.” Mr. Poor river. lying along the bottom of the Valley on both sides of the river. then. But there I was. and bent his knees so that I could put my arms about his neck. how gay your song.” he said. all that is in this house. and smiling he was. “Are you right. pressing on.” said Mr. over and all round this house which was my father’s and my mother’s and now is mine. with little thought. and as it whispers. but I had grown and got thin. Mama.” he said. Gruffydd. “Huw?” my mother asked. On our side of the Valley the heap reached to the front garden walls of the bottom row of houses. as though he was asking to take a loaf for old Mrs. and black. and no sense of design.” “Right. Gruffydd and knew. Gruffydd nor my mother looked at me.” “I have come for Huw. then.” I said. Huw?” Mr. “Good morning. Gruffydd said. you. when there is so little need. and looking at my mother’s back. and still not looking. Tight. Why is it.” my mother said. Gruffydd. “this is the morning he has been waiting for. down and down. For months. “Go. “He will be back in two hours. “Your pillow?” he said. and out came my clothes that I had made ready ever since I had put my mind to the matter. I wonder. and love for the job. that great mound has borne down upon these walls. good work. I will have an armful for you.” I said.” said my mother. for in my father’s day men built well for they were craftsmen.Chapter Nine HERE IN THIS QUIET HOUSE I sit thinking back the structure of my life. The slag heap is moving again. how beautiful you were. how you enjoyed your play among the sleepy rocks. Gruffydd came to the house early and opened the door of the kitchen so that the sun shone in all round him. “There is good to see you. And for those months the great bully has been beaten. Gruffydd. “Get ready the big pot for the daffodils. but I was determined to have those clothes on.” I said. Mrs. Big he looked. On they went. but quiet.” “Come you. building again that which has fallen. and emptied dusty loads on the ridged.” he said. It do seem to me that the life of man is merely a pattern scrawled on Time. little care. bumped to a stop at the tipping pier. Stout beams. That morning Mr. Morgan.” said Mr. “Yes. now. and put down the bread knife. dirty back. the house will be buried. But the slag heap moves. “The daffodils are out. is it?” “Indeed I will. and through the blessed curtains of air. Morgan.” Outside. I can hear it whispering to itself. blown upon us by wind from the southeast and the draughts that played in the Valley. “Under my pillow. dear Mr. and looked over the table at me with her eyebrows almost touching this little blue cloth. and the reeds and the flowers. spun with morning mist and sunshine. with my legs falling about at the back. so I was spared to blush and very thankful. Huw?” he asked me. On the other side of . so it was no use to grumble. Gruffydd. Huw. and the slag heap will stretch from the top of the mountain right down to the river in the Valley. “Here is the road. “Good-bye. “Where are your clothes. without life or sign. and long. that people suffer. perhaps in an hour.” I said. my little one. all had gone. There is a sight I must have looked when I put my legs out and stood up. and some for Bron. and children from them were playing up and down the black slopes. as cage after cage screeched along the cables from the pit. The first thing I saw was the slag heap. black. this roof. But neither Mr. “ready for to-day. “For these months. sir.” he said. Llywarch. “Good morning. I shall always remember the day I saw you after I had been in bed so long. Then I got used to it and less tears came and I was able to see without screwing up my eyes and having to blink. the walls of this brave little house are girding themselves to withstand the assault. “You shall bring back a posy fit for a queen for your brave mother. honest blocks. and turned her head away. laughing in fun. screaming and shouting.” I said. and no nonsense. Pain there was. Mrs. Big it had grown. and up by there are the daffodils. so raw and pure and shining white. The green grass. “Oh. Huw. Mr. more than I ever thought it would have the courage to withstand. “Up on my back. and full of happy purpose. I shall never forget how shocked I was to find myself up on the shoulders of a minister. and a helpless feeling in all my bones. Gruffydd asked me. though the stockings were big and the trews too short. in surprise. and back I pulled the pillow.” I looked at Mr. “Am I too quick?” “No indeed.” For the first few minutes I was shutting my eyes to get used to the sunshine. our Mam. But my mother was still in fog with her. crushed beneath it. how clear your green waters. It seemed wrong to be so familiar. and carried to the door. when an effort of will and some hard work would bring them from their misery into peace and contentment. “God bless you. And every minute the burden grew.

and black. they are.” “I will not be a doctor. “Wait you. Gruffydd. “You shall have a breakfast like your father now this minute.” my mother said.” he said. “Soon you shall take little Gareth for walks. year in and year out. “I am walking now. Angharad. But its banks were stained. “There is a pack of obstinate donkeys I have got for boys. ready to die of shame. Gruffydd asked. and angry. Huw Morgan.” “Collect your flowers. my mother was waiting with Bronwen and Angharad in the doorway. If Dr. “I am afraid not. down the mountain. “Two hours I said to your Mama. “Well. “Will the salmon come up this year. “Go on with you. there is good. but the garden was so small and the earth so blind with dust from the slag that they gave up trying and died.” said my mother. no. Gruffydd?” I asked him. that more of us are not thinkers like the fish. I do think.” said my mother. “Not six months ago and Dr. Mama. You are standing there fast to the floor. turning to me and throwing the poker wherever it went. “They cannot face that black stretch. Gruffydd asked me. indeed. Richards is an old fool. Huw. “Why not to school and college. up by the Glas Fryn and all along the Valley.” he said.” And walk I did. and my mother was making noises under her breath. Mrs. But that morning Mr. Dr. “We shall see. There is proud would I be. they seemed. Up at our house. happy in the sun. Morgan. Gruffydd. with their green leaves a darker sharpness in the grass about them. and put her arms about my waist.” he said. girl.” I said. Gruffydd. If you say something that is bad. The wall was my friend till I came to my father’s chair.” There is pity that we cannot dig all round the growing flowers and take earth and all with us. is it.” “Good. there they were. my little one. With a good black suit and a shirt with starch. And he shall sing a solo.” .” said Mr. Whatever you say.” said my mother. and smiling he was. and the reeds and grasses that dressed it were hanging. but I pushed her away.” I said. Pity. It is hurting to have to break the stems of blossoms and see them lose their rich white blood only for the pleasure of putting them in a pot of water.” I said. I will not be a doctor. as though anxious to get away.” “And no trout either. “Put slag by here. the river ran sweet as ever. Still.” And indeed. There are the daffodils. see. does it mean that you cannot go to school and do better? Have sense. feeling for his pipe. and your own house and a lovely horse and trap. girl. So break them I did. and pulling a blossom out here. the cable screeched and the cages tipped. he shall come to Chapel and sit in the choir. Tomorrow I will go and the next morning and all the mornings to come. Every door was open. black. “Say what is in your mind. Gruffydd?” I asked him. From the Britannia pit came a call on the hooter as the cages came up. and of sorrow for their dear friend. and there it was. Gruffydd’s back. smooth. Oh. “On Sunday. Huw. no. There is pleased were the people to see me. then university and then a doctor or a lawyer?” “Yes. “No one shall tell me again that fish have got no sense with them. I had promised. Gruffydd put me down among them all. and men may know its madness again. Cup of tea for Mr. “Nowhere else to put it.” I said. “There is hungry I am. Gruffydd. “Indeed that is beautiful. “Soon I will be going to school and finishing and then down the pit with Dada. Gruffydd. and pushing another in by there. “Like old mules. Mr. They are the ones who know. and into that I fell. no.” he said.” Bronwen came in with the daffodils in the pots and beautiful she looked with the gold shining into her face. “Good. “Is the pit allowed to do this to us. the river. as though to remind the Valley to be ready for more filth as the work went on and on. “I am told. and up on Mr. “No.” I said. Huw?” she said. then?” I said. And on the other side it came forth grey. boy. and as we passed. “Let me have him from you.the river the chimney-pots of the first row of houses could only just be seen above the sharp curving back of the far heap. ashamed of their dirtiness. my son. If you say something that is good. without movement. and he stood to go. That will keep his mind awake till then. as far as I could turn my head to see.” “Why down the pit. The Glas Fryn was the nearest place to our house where they grew. “Do what. too. You are not old enough to talk. It was later that I pulled bulbs to grow in our garden. my son?” Mr. Huw?” Mr. “Look up by there at the top of the mountain. where I could take them in my hands to breathe the cool breath of them and give thanks to God. “that no salmon have been seen these two years. Gruffydd his cup of tea.” “Yes. and began to hurry again. but as soon as it met the darkness between the sloping walls of slag it seemed to take fright and go spiritless. and sickly. Richards said I would never put my feet on the floor. there. This morning I went up on the mountain. Mr. and started to hit sparks out of the fire. and the bacon smelt so good it was sending spit bubbling in my mouth. She will be waiting. and off home.” Angharad said. Mr.” said Mr. and all the time I was watching.” My mother gave Mr.” I said. but no one shall know how I felt to see the goldness of daffodils growing up there that morning. He was quiet a moment. the women ran out to wave to me and wish me well. though a bit like an old spider with a drop too much in him.” I said. Below us. Mama. so I knew she had plenty to say but holding it because of Mr.” he said. Huw. by the Glas Fryn. and the yellow blooms belling in the wind. close to them. an armful of them.” Gold may be found again.

Gruffydd. my son. Thank you. Huw. . and smiled at my mother and went.” “Yes. indeed. “there is pleased Gwilym will be. Mr.” “God bless you.” Mr. “and thank you. “And no more talk of doctors or lawyers. Gruffydd said. “There is more than enough talking done by them without us wasting our time with them.” he said.” my mother said. Gruffydd. Mr.“Oh.” I said. To-morrow morning.

behind us. Your mouth is dry.” The hymn. then. but ours was one of the smallest. “Are you in good voice with you?” “Splendid. and tried to put them round the chair legs. with the last two words of each verse falling upon us from the roof.” The Chapel was bigger than I had thought it. “The tuning-fork has been useless all the week. Tom Harries struck the notes. you. After Mr. Then it is time to sing and you have forgotten the words.” I sang. shaking hands with all who went inside. There is a fright you will have to stand up before lines of faces that have become wet and shaky through the nervous water in your eyes. and a scrubbed floor you could have your meals from. and some with bonnets. and everybody singing strong and deep and marvellous on the beat. Then Mr. Richards whispered to me. so I had to sit still and my father stayed where he was. But I was put on the platform next to Dr. “Sit straight and put your feet flat. it would have been another tale. four rows of seats. but all round me on the platform. that big feather hides it too well. home for Sunday from the farm. as though all had risen early to have a good seat. but before he could reach me. But then Mr. At the other end from the door the pulpit rose high above the heads of the people. an old game my brothers used to have with sixpence from my father for the quickest right answer. “Something good for God this morning. and before the first verse was over my father was in tears with the music of it. but instead. and the women in their best. Down to the Chapel. all the others will hurry to form behind it. Gruffydd was waiting outside the Chapel. and went up the . for the choir. and I stood while Mrs. Ceridwen. then another hymn and the blessing. not because it was to be sung. and fines for mistakes and slowness. But if all the boys had been home. I thought it was my thin legs they were laughing at. To the right and left. back came the words and I threw my voice up to the back row of the gallery into the laps of the Prossers. with sand on the tongue and in the throat. and then my father and mother. and after that a prayer from Mr. each raised higher than the one in front. Phillips the Glas Fryn. White. Mr. But after the blessing. but I was so weak in my grip that I almost fell out and head first on the floor. and then the collection. and then I opened my mouth to show them I was willing.” “Good. he brought out the tuning-fork and practised with me.” Dr. And a smell of best clothes. Tom Harries played the opening. and below it a platform for the deacons and head men. and then we should have gone home. and polish. then.” said my father. Gruffydd gave his sermon. I spent a few minutes multiplying the number of the first hymn by the second and dividing by the third. If you could think of the first word. with Gwilym.” said Mr. women on the left. like Bronwen’s and Angharad’s. Three times Mrs. men on the right. I disgraced myself for ever that Sunday I sang the solo. I went first with Angharad. Every night of that week. But the first word hides behind the bonnet of Mrs. and you will find your heart bleeding thanks with every step you take. so that your breath comes hot and sore with you. Each one has grown a wheel and rolls away from you down into the pit of Forgot. On the way down we passed other families like ours. as soon as my father was back from the pit and bathed and a good supper inside him. then. Gruffydd. “or you will split your head on the floor. On Sunday morning everybody was up early. and all will come threading through the needle eye in your mind. and inside old hymn books everywhere from top to bottom. “Up in the choir. I saw all the chimneys start rolling smoke almost together. who were bending double because the roof came down almost to the floor. but my mother boiled me an egg in the water made hot for little Gareth’s bath and excused her conscience by having a glass of cold water instead of her tea. More hymns. Once more like that and I will tie you with my braces. but since they never trouble me. and so did my mother. And every door opening as we passed down. and men coming out in their best. and I have never been sorry. Gruffydd. When I looked out of the window while my father was lighting the fire. Parry turned his eyes so sternly and his voice was so sharp that the figures jerked from my head and I thought he was after me. I thought it was the usual Chapel notices. We had cold breakfast as usual. I heard a girl crying behind me and then she passed by. so used I was to our kitchen. and although you are ready to go on your bended knees to have it safe in your mouth. My sisters and Bronwen went. He lifted me up and gave my sticks to my father.Chapter Ten WELL. and the pauses for breath filled in by the sounding glory of the tone just flown. and smiling and greeting. You reach out for the welcome feel of words well remembered. then Bronwen and Ivor. and you can put them to the tune and sing. hardly anybody moved except young women and some of the unmarried elder women. and there is shy and funny I did feel with all the people looking at me and smiling and whispering to one another. Gruffydd leaned over to look down at me. Dr. “Now Thank We All Our God. Richards lifted me down to be ready for my father to help me outside. And indeed I sang it because I meant it. Mr. some with the tall hats like my mother’s.” he said to me. and as though they had taken pity. Richards. Parry the Colliery was on his feet and addressing the people. with a varnished wood gallery round the top. deacons and those busy with Chapel business were putting chairs. and built solid. Be without your legs for more than two years and then stand upright to walk the earth again.

and gave plenty away to those who needed it. “Adulteress. even the Devil himself in a stink of sulphur. “Be quiet. Parry? I am so ashamed I could dig a pit for myself and you.” Mr. There is no need to bring him to Chapel to-night. and although curtains moved in windows.” “But you are a deacon. sunny silence.” Mr. and indeed surprised at my high voice. I will never do it again. Quickly. Gruffydd. Gruffydd came down from the pulpit very slowly. Parry knew it. I was sorry. Even the birds kept away from me. especially in Chapel. “Did I do wrong. Parry shouted. Parry. He paid his men better than most. “Oh. Parry said. and Mr. hypocrites. cool. and stopped to look at me with surprise. Not one of you with thoughts for others. ye generation of vipers. “But before you make your peace you shall suffer punishment. and thump went his fist on the handrail. “and every bit as much as Mr. “Have pity. You shall have nothing from the Father. Not for you. for ye neither go in yourselves. You shall be cast forth into the outer darkness until you have learned your lesson. Mr. when we were a bit up the street. “I will see you to-morrow morning. “Do you wish to make peace with the Eternal Father?” Mr. before Mr.steps to the platform. “and you have paid the price of all women like you. What will become of you is beyond me to tell.” “Leave it now.” “Taking the Name of God in vain. and of all uncleanness. “Come. “Wrong. for at that level it did sound like the Last Trump. Tidy in her dress. But you were not sitting in the big seat? And why not?” “Shut your mouth. which indeed appear beautiful outward.” I said. It seemed that even speech was at an end. So we went into our house and my father went into the kitchen to talk with my mother. “Thou hypocrite. do you admit your sin?” Meillyn Lewis coughed terror into a sopping rag and made noises to say Yes. and her poor face so red and risen with weeping that I could have gone to her straight to give her comfort.” Mr. and a good little bonnet with her. Always ready with the tongue. while the deacons and head men looked at each other and at Mr.” said my father. and my father ran up behind me and took me by the shoulder. but very tidy. but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. and we are here to see to it. girl. besides paying for the schooling of half the children in the Valley. “That is one thing. and the sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men. Parry stared at me. you. nodded and said “Ha” or “Hmm” and some of them shook their heads and wrinkled their eyes and foreheads as though a shocking hurt had been done to them. Parry. and Mr. and all the men. “You rascal. and home to your dinner. Scribes and Pharisees. neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in. Then I was sorry. and listen to your betters. “Your lusts have found you out. only to be out of that Chapel and running up the mountain away from those nodding heads and Ha’s and Hmm’s and the eyes of Mr. Gruffydd moved. “Take the boy home and let nothing be said. Your body was the trap of the Devil and you allowed temptation to visit you. Parry. The priests and the scribes and the pharisees were in session. Thou shalt not commit adultery. God knows. For Mr. without feeling. The people who had heard in the lobby looked at me and made a serious face at my father.” he said to me.” said my father with weariness. and very gently. All I had learned was against such a thing. too.” If you could see the face of Mr. Parry asked her. Parry said. I am a jealous God. two tones up in surprise. Then Mr. Parry and his voice. . but feeling the heat of the thoughts of those who sat so still.” said my father. Parry was a good man. for ye are like unto whited sepulchres. my son?” he said. how can ye escape the damnation of Hell? Behold your house is left unto you desolate. what a nest of scorpions came from the back room there. before Mr. my son. and bitterly enjoying themselves. Parry. Morgan. and closed the door.” he said. Parry shut his mouth with a sound you could hear. Scribes and Pharisees. But woe unto you. Meillyn Lewis wished to make peace of any sort with anybody. I was sorry. young as well as old. Huw. for ye shut up the Kingdom of Heaven against men. and I knew faces were looking out from the shadows in the open doorways.” I said. Dada?” I asked my father. none better. Ye serpents. Mr. “Wrong? For a bit of a boy to say such things to Mr. and my voice cracked in half and fell to pieces and the bits went to breath. She Did.” I said. there is sorry I am. Parry. and the sun was hot to make the quiet quieter.” said Mr. Woe unto you. and this afternoon. take him up on the mountain.” “But they were cruel to Meillyn Lewis. and nobody was in the street. Parry and the deacons. so great was my disgrace. You would dare do such a thing. before I heard my father coming.” “Yes. Yes. hypocrites. I can think of nothing that caused me to jump up and shout back at Mr. and their lips moved to greet him but they said no words. Gruffydd.” Up the Hill we went in quiet. A girl from the pits she was. Parry could close his mouth or shut his staring eyes. But such anger took me in the throat that the very air before me went red with it and I could hear my good heart doing its work double strong inside me to pump blood and give strength. “and the business of Mr. dropping his voice down into the flower-pots. dear. Prayer is wasted on your sort and you are not fit to enter the House of God. it seemed.” That is when I disgraced myself. and indeed Mr. Now you bring an illegitimate child into the world against the commandment of God. and my mother would have died to think of it. not good. Not one head turned as we passed.” Meillyn Lewis bled into the rag. “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. but are within full of dead men’s bones. So like that. nobody came out. Meillyn Lewis.” shouted Mr.” I shouted up at him. “you rascal. and we went out in the pale. “Eh.

Prosser told Bron. up on her feet and going to the plates. Beth. “and you are as bad as that pack down by there. girl. helpless as helpless. “Come and wash. she could scream.” Angharad said. “Good. “Well. “Go and scratch. we are. “It is you.” she whispered.” she said.” “What did Bron say?” I asked her. There was more pink in her face than usual. “and I was there.” said my father. and I thought for a moment she was too angry to speak. almost lifting me from the chair. Now I know.” my mother said. “you are as bad as he is. My father clucked his tongue and looked across at me.” .Angharad looked at me with her top teeth fast in her bottom lip. and fearful light in her eyes.” “There is a nice thing to say. Gwilym Morgan.” said my father. But in the middle of reaching to get a plate she looked round at me and a smile was on her mouth and tears were in her eyes. as though the air was going out of the world. then it was quiet. “There is a family. And Mama smiled. “Wait you till Mama hears. “Why I have got such a tribe of sons. stopping by him. I wondered what would be done to me.” “Yes. Your Mama is so glad. my son. “She sent me out of the house. now?” asked my mother. “Good. both looking at each other. and let us eat. “Mrs. and neither of them a bit angry. Beth Morgan is the cause. and went quickly to the Kitchen.” “What. I had thoughts of the policeman coming from over the mountain to take me down to the jail.” she said. my little one. My father’s voice was deep from the kitchen. anyhow. and with much wagging of the head. That is the trouble.” My father came in and stood to put his hands in his pockets.” he said. and the laugh in his eyes ran down the cuts in his cheeks and poured in his mouth.” My mother looked at him and he looked back at my mother. “No wonder.” he said. “Who told you?” I asked her. My mother came in to get plates from the cupboard.” Angharad said.” I sat down and felt a river of fright rushing through my stomach. Her skirts made circles with hurry as she ran to me and knelt with her arms about me. “And why should she? I heard the worst.

“You would have a police station in the Valley. His herd of black cows were all down in the river up to their bellies in the cool quiet water. I do. Dada.” I said. “Because she had a baby?” I asked him. Dada.” said my father. but brighter shone the Valley’s green. I never meant to talk about Angharad. sheep were busy with their noses at the sweet green. and earnest indeed.” I said. for each blade of grass gave back the light and made the meadows full of golds and greens. The same with women. She never goes up the mountain.” “She is a slut. Dada?” I asked him.” said my father. what would happen to us?” “What?” I asked. “Yes.’ I was.” he said. “Always say your mind to me. How will I help you if you speak lies?” “But.” “But not in front of all the people. indeed. “Yes. instead of to her bed with her husband.” my father said. Men have thought twice before doing a wrong. indeed. “Meillyn Lewis went up on the mountain with young Chris Phillips. my son. “There is a boy you are. And I know which of them is the worst. “you are talking of things you know nothing about. “Mr. then?” I asked.” said my father. And what about our homes and your mother and your sisters? Would you like Angharad to have the same as Meillyn Lewis?” “Oh.” “Meillyn Lewis is a bad girl. You had no business to speak this morning. looking down into the Valley.” I said. Gruffydd will have a word with him. I will swear that what happened this morning will make many a girl think twice before she makes a slut of herself.” I said. now. Meillyn Lewis was an example. “Yes.” .” I said. “Let all things be done in order. “but that was another story. and their tails making white splashes as they dropped after slapping flies. is it?” “Yes.” said my father. Those things are worth a man’s life or two. Then you saw the two slag heaps. “Not Angharad. with his back to me. “One more set-to like that and we will be thrown out of the Valley. Is it. and things not to be done. “you are an old mother’s meeting on your own. man. Beautiful was the Valley this afternoon.” “Yes. instead of buying a ring and the furniture. and thought most. “Be quiet. “Because. Only saying ‘if. “You see. you would have gone home with your mother and Angharad. “you called me a rascal when I said my mind this morning. for a start. And if I caught her I would strangle her. but there was no body in his voice.” “How do you know?” my father said. “I have hopes it will be the last.” I said. Things good and things bad.” said my father. May and almond were coming. And the best judges are those who have lived longest.” my father said.” “Why.” “Well. early apple was doing splendid in four tidy rows behind Meirddyn Jones’ farm. We have never had trouble in the Valley because we have always been strict.” “Yes.” “Yes. If all the women like Meillyn Lewis were allowed to go their own way. my son. Bright shone the sun. As though we were all a lot of jail-birds waiting to be taken off.Chapter Eleven WHEN we were almost on top of the mountain that Sunday afternoon my father stopped to fill his pipe while he was having back his breath and looked down into the Valley. “That is why she is a slut. and now he lets her be spoken to in Chapel like that.” he said. and pulling on his pipe. now?” I asked him.” said my father. There are things to be done. “Say your mind.” I said. you were speaking of things outside you.” I said. Dada. Then.” I said.” “Then what is Chris Phillips. and dropped his pipe. “and nobody saying a word to help. “If Meillyn Lewis is a slut. indeed I would.” “Would you. What you mean is no. “it is not fit and right for a boy like you to make remarks. Your ears are like a donkey’s with chat. with anger. “He did very wrong. Dada. “And how many times have the women said there would be trouble before long if he saved his money. until you turned your head to the right. “you cannot say what you like. and yellows and pinks and blues were poking from the hedges where the flowers were hard at work for the bees.” said my father. with right and decency. If your legs were right with you. I will have you out of that kitchen in future. Dada. at all.” “Then poor Meillyn Lewis would have had all that and worse. When the wind took breath you could hear the crunching of their jaws. “How many times have they passed our window?” I said. “there is a nice thing for you.” “Gracious God. Life without would be a hell. and further down. “because she went up on the mountain with a man. boy. and he was meaning it. and up nearer to us. “I am not liking the sound of that.” “This morning is the first time I have opened my mouth.” my father said. Chris Phillips is a coward.” he said.” he said. Dada?” My father was quiet for a little. Dada.

” “Yes.” said Mr. “But I will change their foolishness in my . some of them shocking.” “But why did you allow it. Next morning I was waiting for Mr. Gruffydd. “And all those men were groaning and nodding to make her hurt more.” said my father. with sadness in his voice. Indeed. Gruffydd. “I will hear them later. Gruffydd’s hair.” said my father. A boy spoke in a matter of which he was ignorant. “Are you starting.” said Mr. while the mists went to purple and rose. Let us go back for a cup of tea. Gruffydd. “And nothing to be done. Cold it was.” “Good. and his nose had grown a gem that glistened to fix your eyes. He interrupted. Gruffydd. If you will do that in Chapel. and angry because of it. for I wanted to know what he would say. He was offensive. though I was always afraid of losing his goodwill. And say no more on the matter. “good lungfuls.” We went over to the rock that marked the top of the mountain. But I never felt any fear of him. and with long rolling grey shapes and deeper blues where the mountains rose up to guard them.” said Mr. Gruffydd?” I asked him. Mr. and a more sensible man never trod the earth. Then count five full up. what will you do outside? What will become of you?” “They were cruel to her. the matter is ended. She was shaking so much that she had to put down the pot. and wonderful the song of the north-east wind. It came out of me. “which I still think I dreamt. Mr. “Something happened yesterday in the House. making you count how many before it would fall. making ghosts for myself. Gruffydd. That was not the Word of God.” I said. He raised his voice. and less tongue. with the knife flashing red in the firelight. where we could see the Valleys all covered with pale blue mists. Gruffydd. while she was cutting bread and butter. But he took out his handkerchief for a good blow.” Half the women on the Hill had been in to see my mother while we were out. now. Your father was very worried about you. Gruffydd. Mr. with the wind kept away by the rock. And then five to breathe out. All of them had come to say how sorry they were. We sat in the sun. now then?” asked my father. He spoke without permission.” I said. “Make up your mind. and the sun burnt through and covered us both with warmth and came out across the Valley in such strength that we could not bear to look. Breathe deep.” he said. More sums and books. filling my mind with them and giving myself pale frights. looking up at the lamp. Gruffydd’s tea for him. “Why?” he asked me. “Because. Huw.” said Mr.” “Was that all you said?” asked my father. and put the dripping down flat on the table to make the cups jump. So to the top we went. I had slept nothing all night. and in his black clothes a figure to make you afraid. Mr. And no nonsense. and the kettle having a little whistle on the hob. and thank the stars the road was downhill all the way after.” “Yes. and having the sharp side of his tongue. and looking over the Valley as though it was of no consequence. “Huw.” said Mr. You could tell by its voice how angry. “I said that. But now. So we breathed. But worse. I told them. of course. when we meet God. “and you must make up your mind not to do such a thing again. “Huw. Saint Paul said. “Chapel. “Well.” I said.” “Yes. for both of us to-night. “Because I am a pastor. Gruffydd long before he came. trying to make my voice small. Go thou. “Let there be moderation in all things.” I said. both of us up on top of the mountain. now. and sin no more. I was sorry after.” said my mother. Gwilym. Big in the shoulder was Mr. “I was sorry for Meillyn Lewis. Once is more than enough.” I said. Gruffydd.” said my mother. Jesus said. Chapel for us both to-night. “Leave it.” he said. So it may be. I think. but with no surprise.” “I am going to no Chapel to-night. indeed.” my mother said. where everybody using the path stopped to have their breath. the only sign that something was wrong was made by my mother. And the ghosts had a different punishment for me. and other things. Up on the mountain we went higher than usual for I was stronger and using only one stick. But Mr. “There is a right way and a wrong in everything. “Now. and they had all gone away with the same answer. Gruffydd called as though nothing had happened.“Tongue again. and then I knew he was going to speak.” he said.” said my mother. and Angharad poured Mr. so my mother said when we got back to the house. Is it?” “Yes. “let us sit by there. taking me by the chin and looking at me. and I was feeling injustice stiff in me. Gruffydd. Sir.” “You did wrong. Gruffydd. He can go into Bron’s to-night and do his lessons while we are at Chapel. and the heat was in my throat again to think of it. on a turf as soft as my mother’s tablecloth and greener. It is the home of the Word of God. “Good. “Nothing to be sorry about. and count five slowly before you are full.” “You know your Bible too well and life too little. sir. Foolish is the mind of man to make bogeys for itself and to live in terrors of fear for things which lack the substance of truth. “I want to speak very seriously to you. sir.” said Mr. Never mind about the people and what they say. my son. now.” “Yes. The wind was doing all sorts to Mr. but feeling like No. Beth. You are not old enough and you have said too much as it is.” I said. Huw.

smiling wide and showing good long teeth. Think. But that session of the deacons was helpful as a preventative. and then speak. Now. We are not all angels. “Home.” “Well. And the deacons are my masters. “that the men of the Valleys have built their houses and brought up their families without help from others. I must think. I was sorry for Meillyn Lewis. Think. “but we must act according to the times. Think again. I can smell your mother’s good bacon from by here.” “It is not right to do it before all those men. And then one step at a time to put things right. indeed.” For a little time the wind snarled and tried to put cold fingers on us round the rock. Mr. Mr.” I said. Their lives have been ordered from birth by the Bible.” he said.” said Mr. “And I am sorrier. To build solid and good. Gruffydd. “For that handsome apology I will tell you that I thought you were a brave boy. Gruffydd. “It is not.good time and without the help of Huw Morgan. Mr. Huw. Is it?” “Yes. up on his feet. but it is in Man Adam to be slippery. do you see?” “Yes. and not barbarians all.” . without a word from the Government. and his eyes were blind with thought. too. and no other law.” said Mr. “You must realize. I must consider what is to be done and then choose my time to do it. the fault is in the human race. Never mind what you feel. or I would be out in the street to preach in the hedges. Then act. Gruffydd.” I said. If it has produced hypocrites and pharisees. Huw. “Come. Not like Master Huw Morgan.” I said. speaking in his blindness. but it is more cruel to allow misconduct to flourish without check. The wonder is to me that the men of the Valley are as they are. As a mason puts one block at a time. Build one thought at a time. but always the sun pushed him back. too. So with thought. but misguided in your bravery. and many are as slimy as the adder. you. Gruffydd looked far across the Valley above the tops of the mountains. From it they took their instructions. Gruffydd. They had no other guidance. Our fathers upheld good conduct and rightful dealing by strictness. Watch. now. and I am just as much a servant of the Chapel as of God. It was cruel. And no chance to make changes or to do good. I must make alterations slowly. Think solid. Huw.” he said. now.

” Then we all sat down to supper and after. and my mother danced round the table holding Angharad and jogging from side to side. Washing cups and saucers and plates and cutlery out in the back.” “Well. Well. indeed. Morgan. Coming home. There is brave. And. too. Gruffydd. me. my mother looked to Ellis as to an angel. All the women on the Hill were bringing their own. and from the pit. “From Ianto. Ellis the Post pulled up the white mare right outside the door while we were having breakfast.” If there is one thing that happened to the house when Angharad came back. Mrs.” “Hisht. down to the pit and tell your Dada. so the night before. “There is good to have a belly to hold it.” “Come you in. The house was in uproars all day with soap and water. this will be the third breakfast I have had this morning. Oh. “Ceridwen. Up they came. with Ivor. and all of them by ear.” said my mother.” she whispered. by here. and the brass blazed up and the drums thumped and boomed. then the children’s choir. The very skin of his face seemed to shine. Bronwen. settle is not the word. and softly screamed: “Coming home he is. Mr. All that way and not a word. When Ifan Owen came round the corner at the bottom by the railings with his big silver stick and the cord round it.” said Mr. with her eyes full. and our choir. with the preachers all walking together. I am sure you must have thought I was dead.” my mother said. Ceridwen had come home for a couple of days. Mr. only ten all told. Ivor and Angharad and me were home. With all the boys away. Ellis. I did it because of Ianto and the boys. Amen. indeed.” said my mother. and we will settle the house. A good cup of tea. and then everybody from the Chapel. and then the football clubs in their jerseys. and his moustache was like pure silver. now. Ellis. I give thanks that my boys and girls are in health. My Ianto is coming home to us. to warm you.” Then everybody made haste to finish what they were doing so that when the band came up the Hill they would be outside watching. everybody who knew him met at our house. Ellis. starting with the band and ending with Twm Pugh’s coal-cart to carry the bottles and casks. and from the farms. “Wait. so I feel. in case his letters brought bad news. but they played all together. with joy but also in fear. . my little one. “In London. The band was not very big. Ianto was coming the next day. I thank Thee for to-night and for to-morrow. My dear Parents. As soon as he got in the door when he came back from the meeting. Up early next morning. indeed my heart nearly stopped to beat. of course. indeed.” She looked again at the letter. No climb on the mountain for me that morning. so there was the family together all one again. and the women in their tall hats and red petticoats. Father in Heaven. where the procession was meeting my father and Ianto and the boys.” she said.” she said. running for her purse. “Angharad. and call in Bron’s. I give thanks to have seen this day. now.” Ellis started to shout and hit the table with his knife and fork. there is excitement. Then back. “Wait. but I have been in London. and all very good. he went on his knees in prayer to give thanks. and my father home an hour before the night shift finished to go with Thomas the Carrier in the wain down to the railway station to meet Ianto and the boys. Ianto. all from the mountain. and my mother would always have it washed before using. Gruffydd and my father drew up the procession. but for the people coming from over the mountain. The hooter had just blown for noon at the pit when we heard the band down in the Valley. O God. and Gwilym he had told on his way over the mountain. Ianto is coming home. with his knuckles on the edge of the table. “A good fat one. and called to my mother.” Ellis said. my little one. “Oh.” My mother put a hand to her head and looked at us in shock.” he said. and gave him the money and snatched the letter to cut it open. put the pan on and bacon. and all the other chapels. too. Ellis had sent telegraph messages to Davy and Owen. with Mr. “There they are. There is pleased was my father. That was my job. My mother stopped putting butter on the bread and put down the knife to hold her chest. we always borrowed china to have enough. and wiped her eyes. “Angharad. finish the bread and butter. straight. in my little way. now. help me with my dress. Angharad. with him. If there was a fuss made over the prodigal son I cannot think what he could have had more than Ianto. Mr. and blowing to push down a house. holding the letter to the window. watch the pots. After them a procession of our friends from all round the valleys. “London. “how you feel when your sons return to you. and the next day Angharad and me whitewashed front and back. and walked down with my father to the Chapel house to make up their minds what to do for the welcome. and though I had no liking for it. laughing out loud. quick. “And fourpence to pay for no stamp. Four choirs were there. for you.Chapter Twelve THEN IANTO came home.

My life is a curse to me. with smiles in her voice.” said Marged.” Owen was kneeling by her. that I climbed out through the window and went in the back shed out of the way. “Stopped. “Marged. with the sound of the crowd a long way off. If you want to give me a present. indeed.” said Davy. “only telling you.” he said. There is strange you can tell London in a man’s suit. in a whisper. where my mother put the blankets and linen when she had no use for them. my father was standing with his five good sons.” “I brought you a coming-home present from London. The boys were dragged away by their friends and I was left standing in the corner to watch. man. “and a birthday next week. “She and the baby. as though she was thinking.” Owen said again. so put your hand in your pocket?” “No. except the heads of my father and my brothers. and resting. “and I will see about your birthday when it is your birthday. look inside the lid. And I prayed for strength to forget you. is it? Birthday next week. and onions. now. or wanted the kitchen so that she and the girls could bathe. And I knew she was crying. “O. “Stopped?” he said. “Very long ago?” “Six months. And keep close by me or she will be asking questions. I loved you. shouting for Ianto. And if not.” he said.” “There is one in my box for you. and wood.” “Is Gwil good to you?” Owen said. and coal. my beautiful one.” she said. A little window let you look right up to the top of the mountain if you lay flat on your back on the blankets. But it went on aching.” “How are you liking married life. “there is a big boy you have grown.” Owen got up. “I had it with me too long to forget it.” Marged said.” “Owen.” “Oh. and potatoes. “I have starved for you. There was a little loft up in the back. I will tell her to-morrow. the door opened again and Owen was standing there looking at her.” said Ivor. “One night I was in torments and going mad and shouting. I was standing in our front room at the open window but so great was the crowd that once the band was passed I could see nothing. That is the end. “You pressed me against this old thing and my back was nearly cracked in pieces.” “Marged. “How is your wife?” “Dead. and poor Gwil going mad.” “There is nothing to be done.And behind them. too. in quiet. and in his black suit almost hidden in the darkness.” he said. Ache. I went through the kitchen and out in the back and met them coming down through the back lane. and put me on my feet very kindly. For a moment he stood with the door open wide and then. But the room was so hot. and now a press of people were all round the house. see. with a full throat. very still. “Do you remember when you kissed me in here the first time?” she said. solid as a house. trying to soothe. for days and weeks and months. Quiet.” said Ianto. too. “And mine. Huw. and all the women were coming in to get the food and make the tea. and the words were riding on her tears. “None better. “I am married.” said Gwilym. with his back to it. “Many and many a time I would cut my throat but I am a coward. on Thomas the Carrier’s wain all dressed up with flowers and grasses and coloured cloth. Here I looked at my school lessons and read during the day when my mother had friends in. “Because the old ache was back.” “I chose to say nothing. Some of his tools were still in the racks. no. Ianto was even bigger than Ivor. ache. Marged sat on Owen’s little stool and put her hand on the vice and started to turn the screw. he came in and shut it. and so many people were trying to get in and so many in already. Then it stopped.” “Why were you crying just now?” Owen said. Even while I was wondering what to do. dodging the crowd. “I saw you come in. So if you have a chance. Gwil?” asked Ianto.” The singing and shouting outside was something to marvel at.” he said. with hunger. How old. Why is London such a wonderful place that it will speak to you even in a piece of cloth? “Well. I love you still.” said Ianto. and went nearer. and apples. you know. Marged. Gwilym’s eyes went once to Owen and down on the mat. “You will have mine on your birthday. good. from London. and when they got down. knowing that people were all over. and his voice was higher than hers. “We heard nothing of that. good. And only one voice. I had to come.” said Marged. too.” said Ianto. very slowly. “O. now?” “Twelve.” “And you did?” asked Owen. She was still holding the vice.” I said. I was. ache. So.” I said. and the brace and bits and the vice were shining as though Owen had only just been in. a quiet little place full of the smells of soap.” said Ivor.” said Owen. nothing except hats. knowing my brothers. . but I loved too much. when Marged came in quietly and shut the door. I was at them every day with sandpaper. “And I will give you a sixpence now. all right. But say nothing to Mama. “like that. “And he is so like you sometimes it is like being married to you. and stood again. “It is in my trunk. “Dead?” said Ivor. I made no sound but turned my head to watch her going to the bench where Owen had worked while she had been in the house with us. So I was up there.” said Marged. and oil. And in good clothes. not even you. one kiss would have burnt it away.” he said.

The poor girl is mad. and down to the river to tickle a couple of trout.” And talking like that. and indeed I had never heard him in that voice before. girl. “So I went on looking till I found it.” said Marged. That night we had supper all over the house. Marged. “I am going to have credit for not squatting on my bottom like you. who was one of those men who enjoy making an ill-natured joke of all that goes against his understanding. The tables were not big enough for all to sit down at once. he went to the door. Ianto was telling about London and what he had done up there.” “But. full in the face and shook her head. and I saw her waist that a man’s hand could span. as though to beg. talking a lot of rubbish three times every Sunday.” “At all events. His hands fell from her. “only Owen Morgan. Parry.” Down went everybody’s knife and fork. Thank God I am not a limpet on society. at all events.” “So. with Bronwen standing beside her patting her shoulder. and Owen’s. Mr. And he will never come back.“I will never forget Owen Morgan. “Huw. What did I do to you. “and be tidy for a couple of hours. “and Owen Morgan has gone away and will never come back. my pretty one. and I am worried from my life for my poor boy.” said Ianto. standing quickly and holding out her hands to keep me from the front room.” “You?” Marged said. There is no man like Owen Morgan. “Why not one job?” “Because I was never in the right job. and Bronwen came smiling to help me choose and pack. I was boiling with heat and dry for a cup of tea. He was in the counting-house of Hopkin Jones. is it? And I will bathe your head and nurse you to sleep. Marged stood. who kissed me. “Yes. whispering to me. And he gave me away to his brother.” said one of the preachers. And never likely to.” said Marged.” said Owen. look. But he spoke to himself and his words went to powder. and Ianto’s. and said I was his before the times of the Pyramids. and then clerk of works on a road-building job. Never.” “Oh. “Nothing will make me happy. Gruffydd. Gwilym took Marged quietly outside and shut the door. “We will get in the trap and go home.” said Owen. I will love him with my soul till the day I die. and turned quickly to catch her by the shoulders and look down into her face. “you are going to be a rolling stone all your life? Not much credit to that. My father and the boys were in the front room with Mr. We have spent much on them.” said Ianto. “No. except mine and Davy’s. now. Marged. I was in the kitchen with my father and mother and my brothers and Mr. you are not Owen Morgan. and got up to settle her cloak. and turned his back. is it? Come you. with a cry. He went away.” said Ianto. that made my mother turn to hold her mouth. Marged.” “Would you come away with me if it will make you happier?” said Owen. He went quietly to Marged and put his arm about her shoulders. So I left one for the other and kept on looking. “Marged. “No doctor can do her good.” “But you never found it?” asked the same preacher. “Come. devil from Hell that I am? What did I do?” He went out and closed the door. and Mr.” I said.” “Have sense. indeed. “There is a jack of all trades for you. and have rest.” said Bronwen. So we had to manage.” said Marged. Richards. In the kitchen my mother was looking white. We were all with our elbows under the ribs of the next one. Mr. Mr. “here I am. having their food in the open. and Angharad was crying in the corner.” “And now?” said Owen. And in the rough jobs we got more pay. and eat and drink on a rock in the sun with the river all round me. but the conditions of living were worse than the animals out at the back here. “I never found it. in a voice above all the noise. Tidy. and the air full of talk and laughing. and quickly. Most of them were out on the mountain. with the women hiding under umbrellas afraid of the sun.” said Owen. Dr.” “Yes. “and I am living in that little house with him. Gruffydd and a couple of other preachers. and then cleaning engines in the Great Western sheds. he said. Mama. in a hurry. my beautiful one.” said Ianto. and his eyes went wide and then tight shut. Gruffydd and the other preachers.” said my mother. “No. with the lights in his big grey eyes set stone-still at Danger.” said Marged. Gwilym Morgan. “No use. Then boots ran across the cobbles and Gwilym threw open the door and stood to hold his breath.” “Go you. “take what you want and go out on the mountain like a good boy. and a number of the deacons and elders. the draper. but there was plenty to eat and drink so nobody was troubling. “Oh.” said the preacher. I had known what was coming so I was ready. and mouthfuls in the week. and goodness knows what. “And now I am Mrs.” my father said. “We were treated like dirt. In the clerking jobs we were supposed to dress like princes on the money of a maggot. “Owen. will you?” So out I went. and threw himself against it. my little heart. He will never come back. Evans the Colliery.” he said.” “Did you?” asked the preacher. Owen Madog. . so I climbed down and went into the house among the people.” he was sobbing. and looked up at Owen. “No. Marged.

My father kept looking at him out of the side of his eyes. “should never have been made.” Ianto said. “at any other time. who sniffed when he spoke and had a little cough with him that he used all the time. “True. coming through from the wash-house with more plates. “And God bless all in this house this night. Parry.” said Mr.” “Good.” said Mr. “Huw healed himself. “you make yourselves out to be shepherds of the flock and yet you allow your sheep to live in filth and poverty.” “Good.” said the preacher. Many times my mother took up the butter to help people. “Now I am sorry. Gruffydd.” said Mr. you could tell how hard they were trying. Words seemed to stick in the air.” “Go from the house. indeed. Gruffydd. “Perhaps. Gruffydd. it is true.” said Ianto. His observations might have been put in a happier manner. Presently Mr.” “But.” “I cannot tolerate this. and his eyes on fire. and angry. Morgan. I would have punched his nose if he had been a man. and very distressed. quick as that. If I have said anything. Man was made in the image of God.” “His observations. But this matter to-night requires airing.” said Ianto. and then at a sign under the table from my mother. I am deeply sorry. And when somebody laughed.” After that. indeed. Mr. I understand why we are all so damned stupid.” Ianto said. Gruffydd healed Huw. with knife and fork idle. you would come down to my lodgings to-morrow and talk there.” “Amen.” said Ianto. a little man with glasses. looking straight at the butter. “before I will throw you. Gruffydd.was coming so I was ready.” “Mr. it was like trying to talk through a net. Gruffydd had been rolling little pieces of bread for minutes on end. across the table. Sheep. Have some more of my good mother’s blackberry. first stood still.” said Mr. I will be with you at eight to-morrow morning. Is God a sheep? Because if He is.” said my father. looking knives at him. I am interested in your views. Why am I a limpet on society?” “Because you are doing useless work. with my mother’s hand on his arm. Nobody seemed willing to look at anybody else. .” said the preacher who had not yet spoken. and at once the room was still.” he said.” said the sniffing preacher. Gruffydd. Gruffydd. and your dignity. “to sit here while my colleague is insulted. “why is mine a useless work?” “Because. Ianto. “I am sorry to cause such trouble. Mr. but his eyes never moved.” “Well. I would not start this discussion. “Ianto.” we all said. Ianto. it is only to say it is the Will of God. “Ianto. “I am not prepared. Mr. and trying to talk business with Mr. and if you raise your voices. “your dignity surely will not allow you to talk with him. Gruffydd. Gruffydd blinked his eyes as though coming from sleep and cleared his throat.” said Mr. “Mr. Angharad. quickly went out backwards. and in any other house.

When Mrs. is it?” “Yes. “Can you?” “Give me the file. Gruffydd is his name. “You shall go to a proper school.” But when we started lessons I had a shock.” Ianto said. not even the curtains. of frying bacon. continents. “Do you want help?” “Give this bolt head a scrape. No man ever learnt anything from a woman.” Ianto said. Where. and Angharad was peeling apples in the wash-house. and I can give you that every night after tea. “She passed information to you. and a good voice.” When my mother called us in the house for dinner. “Why are you home so early?” Then I told him what Mrs.” So back we all went up the Hill. but I could go back hundreds of years and tell her of British kings who ruled before Rome became nasty with us. mind. seas.” she said.” “No. you. and I was always a stranger to it for it reminded me of the purple head of Mr. so I went in with Owen. Not yet. “to drive people instead of a horse and trap. no. You have learnt nothing very much. Eunice and Eiluned had grown nearly big enough to wear their mother’s dresses without cutting. All the days I had been in bed I had either read books or listened to Bron or my father and brothers. too. though they had been washed. “and the way we live.” Davy said. Owen was in the back doing a bit of filing and putting my mother’s teeth in brine. and then we sang “Let my life be all thanksgiving.” he said. I told her about Mrs. “but I wish he was out of the Chapel. when they were fast and whole.” Owen said. “Figures and names and facts. and industries.” “Mrs.Chapter Thirteen I WENT DOWN THE HILL with Ianto next morning before eight o’clock to start school again with Mrs. Gruffydd’s views?” “The Sermon on the Mount. Tom Jenkins had said. “Perhaps Mr. airing washing and mice. Gruffydd will say a word about it. and hour after hour I had talked with Mr. of course. Tom Jenkins. “An engine. “I had better see your father. but nothing had changed.” he said. Tom came in we had prayers. too. Owen?” I asked him. “O. Tom has taught me a lot. Owen was fitting together a lot of parts all new and shining and looking beautiful indeed. with round eyes. Tom Jenkins and his noises. It will help you when you start to learn. Tom tried me with the names of the kings. Tom could teach me. but they still went about the house in bare feet to save their shoes and stockings for going out. baking bread. and the boys and girls looking at me as though I knew everything.” “Did you get a slicing this morning.” said Davy. the herbs she burnt for Mr. “You. A big morning it was for me.” I said.” “His Dada shall say. “All he will learn in that kind of place. and given out with a fist on the end of each arm.” . pointing her fork at Davy. then?” Davy asked him.” “Eat your plateful. Even the smell was the same. But one day in the future. and with all the lessons chalked on and rubbed off into the minds of the boys and girls since. “Another worry. and he laughed.” Owen said. Gruffydd. I knew all of them she asked me. Tom always wrote at night for us to copy first thing in the morning.” said Ianto. Mr. and then a prayer for sending me back to school nothing worse except for thin legs. Not a word about him in this house from anybody.” said Davy.” he said.” my mother said. Oceans.” said Ianto. “But I found out how much I have to learn. “Why is Ianto looking at the wall in by there?” “To rest his eyes from the faces of fools. towns. old books. and stay home. for there was nothing Mrs. “Right.” my mother said. “You are wasting time coming here. What are Mr. Tom. It is time. More than two years had gone by since I was last in the little front room. “If we have a friend. “is how to look down on his father and mother. was barely to be seen. Gruffydd.” Davy said. islands. “Brought up to date. Go to your dinner now.” he said. “this family will do something without the help of Mr.” “About what?” asked Owen. sage in a bunch. Ianto was in the house when I got there and looking very straight.” I said.” “Perhaps. “Men. so that the alphabet. “Eh. While I filed.” “O. countries. Huw. starting from Canute. and chalk. now then.” I said. Tom Jenkins’ comfort. and treat each other. But say nothing. rivers.” “He is a good man. “that should be interesting. When I got a wink from her I knew there was trouble to come. Mrs.” Owen said. School for Huw. “What is this. greyer still than I remembered it. But you have a splendid memory. The blackboard was still cracked across at the top. which Mrs. Only your sums want a bit of help from me. She was so surprised that she stopped with her spoon in the sprouts and a leaf sticking to the thumb on the plate.” I said.” she said. “Boarding school. and at last she put down the pointer. then?” “Technical school. “No. It was not the smell of our house.

” my mother said.” Mama said. “There is beautiful. and went to put her arms about her. If you have left the table. now. as though her mind were over the mountain.” my mother said. except method. Mama.” said Angharad eating fast. “How do you know?” “Tegwen told me now just. And my cloak. at any rate.” she said. David Morgan. Huw.” said Ianto.” “Which baby?” my mother asked. “We disagreed on nothing. The food was enough for the village. though his dinner was steaming. “Mrs. if you could have seen the collection.” Ianto said. And her poor face so white with her.” “Yes. “What shall we do for the new baby?” “Go you and ask Bron for some of little Gareth’s baby clothes.” “Go on.” “Angharad. Gruffydd has collected more for them than a dozen of you. Mama. let me warn you.” “It would be more beautiful if there were sense and purpose in what he wanted to do. go from here. in the same voice. Mr. Mama. Mama.” said Ianto.” Angharad counted on her fingers. Gruffydd. And by the time the .” said Mama. “Hisht.“When is he starting?” asked Davy.” my mother said.” My mother put down her knife and fork and looked at Angharad with her eyes in slits and her lips together and puffed up.” Ianto said. and stopped eating. Gruffydd to give them? The Sermon on the Mount? God’s holy will?” “For shame. and I will help. “I only wear it on Sundays and winter has gone. “Eh. Mama. “there were some old pots and pans out in the back. The time is not yet. “The landlord’s men put her from the house with nothing.” I said.” “Your best cloak. “Yes. and pushed back his chair to stand. But no more sheets and blankets behind my back. and so pretty your mouth would run.” Owen said.” said Mama. Not a stick or stitch. “Mr.” my mother whispered. “If Ianto thinks he can do more from the pulpit. “and some of Dada’s. “nothing else went with the sheets and blankets? It would be too much to expect of Miss Angharad Morgan. with his boots still on the cobbles. Nothing else.” Angharad said. There are men in the Valley without food in their bellies or boots to their feet. and left the house. “I suppose I am to look to you for a few words. and put down his knife and fork. Beynon is having her baby in the old shed down by the ironworks.” “Mr. “Yes. “I know how many.” “Mama. and laughing. “and some of mine.” Owen said. and no sign of fear. now. Mama. while we all looked at him. “Well. “I will say them after I have had my dinner. now?” my mother said to me. too. of course?” “Well. Gruyffdd. my little one. Mama.” “I am sorry to leave your pudding. “and there will be a meeting again on Saturday afternoon. But perhaps if we have a cart up here we can put it right. and her eyes that were so big were bigger now with tears. now.” Angharad said. Not another word. “I will have a basket of food now in a minute. Mama. And the new baby is coming to-day. Is it?” “Yes. and put his knife and fork together.” “Hisht.” said Angharad. for she had pushed away her dinner and her face was flat upon the table.” my mother said. “Yes. though not unkindly. Ask in future. go you up and down the Hill with a basket and ask for anything to eat they can spare. Gruffydd. Mama. “There is plenty to be done outside the pulpit. “poor Tegwen Beynon only had on a dress. There are children without houses and mothers without hope. I have a good mind to join the Chapel. Now then. and followed Davy out. without a word from me?” “They had nothing.” Angharad said. “with that sheet in pieces and two good blankets gone from the house.” “I mean as a minister. of course.” Davy said. and excused himself. “I suppose.” Angharad said.” “But.” “Did he have you on the floor?” Davy said.” Angharad said. “I am tired of his name. Is it?” “O. in her ordinary voice. and put gravy over her potatoes. “he shall try. What has Mr. Beynon has missed.” “Yes. And the seven other children.” “I have heard those words before. And they are cold down there with only old straw under them and holes in the roof.” my mother said. very slowly.” “And some of the boys’ old clothes. “The new one she was going to have before they put her from the house.” my mother said. The clothes would have covered a shift in the pit. and reached out for my handkerchief. Mr. and we had a wink together. Mama.” “He started on me at eight o’clock this morning. I will see to it. “Do you mean to sit there. We can do with a few more like Mr. in a voice you could barely hear. I said to start now. I am mistress in this house.” Angharad said.” Angharad said. One word from you and you shall have a good couple round the ears.” Owen said. Mama.” Davy said. “I gave her a sheet for tearing and the two old red blankets. Ianto. “I listened. Since you were born.” I said. Well. “you are in the Chapel now. “I will be there to hear him. and cold in the face.” “And some of mine. And no breakfast this morning.” said Mama. “because I am sorry to say there are a few things of ours Mrs.” “Just put your eyes round the house. “Dear God.” my mother said. “When will it be time? Shall we know? Will it be given for a sign? Did you ask him?” “No. I was angry because I was not asked.” my mother said. “Pots and pans.” said Angharad. He said to wait. boy. “O?” said my mother. Only straw she has to lie on. Gruffydd.

Indeed.” Tegwen said. trying to make fun. Beynon’s feet. and her toes curled in.” “Does Mrs.” Tegwen said. Penry was guiding her hands to the wooden rail above the head of the bed. boy. I went down there first with the first basket of food. for as far as I could see.” she said. but to see her like that was like being in a dream. and move iron. and mumbling. There was darkness at the back. Her mouth was open with shouting and her eyes wide. and surprised I was. “Then she will be better. Price had put the smallest children in the bedstead at the side. “Wait. Beynon was a big.” Tegwen said. Price will be down now just. not quietly. Huw. made from carpet. too. we are. with veins. and red in the face. like a boy who had fallen and hurt his knee. Richards brought them in his bag.” “Who told you?” Tegwen asked. The children awoke and began crying. with sweat binding her hair. and all the women were saying O and Eh and clicking their tongues. “Tea?” said Tegwen. and broken rods of iron were red among the growing grass and dandelions. and then Mrs.” I looked up where she was pointing and saw a piece of wood hanging down from rot. and two more little ones were playing shop with stones at the window.” “Come you. but Mrs. and no lack of hands to take it down to the old shed at the ironworks. and an old bucket was heating water.” “And tea. and Mrs.” she whispered. “Then the new baby will come. for a start. in a couple of minutes it looked so good I could have lived in there myself. “so we will go round the back and look through that hole up by there. with the secrets of blood and milk in it. Well.” “How.furniture was all together. see. but I thought Dr. Beynon?” I asked her. too. Beynon’s legs were like white stalks.” I said. up the steps of the works and inside where the bats were thick in the roof. or what it was she was drinking. Price got to do with it?” I asked her. Price pulled off the blankets as Mrs. and her heels dug in the bed. and blowing the fire. and stopped by the door. “she always has this for a new baby. Mrs.” she said.” she said. and looked shame. for I could see no signs. and taking off their coats to tidy the place. “O. But Mrs. laughing. I found myself getting hot and having trouble to breathe. “we have had new babies at our house and Bron’s.” “What has Mrs. “Now then. “Here is a pie in by here. boy. two houses would not have held it. “How do you know?” I said. Price went to the fire and brought back the bucket to the bedside. I have often smelt it about the house where a baby has just come. with lights in her eyes. The straw do go from under you if you turn in your sleep. “Are you going to sit fat by there and say you know nothing about new babies?” Tegwen asked me. Evan Beynon had broken a plank to make a fire.” I said. Price bring the baby. Price came in with a bundle and an elegant bag with patterns on it. “The new baby is with Mama. and the other woman with her was pulling their clothes off. “Right. and . Beynon started to scream. and then put a hand over her mouth and looked at her mother.” It was in my mind to ask why. “There is dull you are. this minute.” The only cups I could find I would not have drunk from. “That is why Angharad gave me the sheet. then?” I asked her.” I said. “Lies. with froth on her mouth. Mrs. and wild. with her foot barely inside the door.” Tegwen said. quick. Mrs. she will send us from here. and chop grass. as though I slept on straw every night of my life.” Tegwen said. and boards over the open window and doorways. Beynon was crying. “When Mrs. but it was no business of mine. She was kicking at the clothes and her face was swollen. so you can still do with a lesson or two. though there was no door.” I said. All the children. Mr. Penry had finished the children and had come to stand at Mrs. Beynon drank and drank though with no sign she knew where she was. It is a deep smell. Then everybody started to come in with the collections. below a breath. and you shall see. Puddles were plenty and a rill ran right through to the river. Let me have it in the kettle. but nobody took notice of them. “Let us be having a couple of you outside.” Tegwen said. you. Beynon’s head. there it was. There was something ugly and cruel in it that I could feel but not describe.” “How is Mrs. “Yes.” “Good. “Poor Mama. Bring cups. see.” she said. Tegwen sat down laughing out loud. and off we went.” “Lies. yes. Price do know how to have it from her. Mrs. and looking as though she thought I was a fool. “Mrs. and they made little kicks. Mrs. always very cheerful. There was a strange smell coming up to us. “You are only twelve. “Mama will be glad of the taste. Mrs. “Putting straw in sacks. then?” I said. and flying like angry whispers. an early smell. quick. “Hulloa. We went close to the hole and looked in.” I said. fat woman. either. she was in pain with her. please. Beynon came in and looked for a moment and went outside to cry. “Hulloa. God. out in the yard. and indeed it was a poor place. Mrs. “Where is the new baby. “My mother and Bron. but out loud. Cold and damp.” I said. then?” I asked Tegwen. Mrs. The three youngest children were sleeping by Mrs.” Tegwen whispered to me. Price comes. Beynon was lying on one of our old red blankets and another one hanging over her to keep out the water coming in from the roof. “No. Tegwen and her smaller brother were putting straw in sacks to make beds for the night. Rusty iron wheels. Then the men started coming in and knotting ropes to put up canvas over the bad places. Teg. you. with tenderness and terror.

” I said. Savage glad I was to be in the air and feel it freezing me. “Yes. and hoping she would say no.” “Are you angry with me.” my mother said. “And you saw something. Have something. see. when she came back. let me have it now. and without the meat dish. “Yes.” she said. and hours went by me.” I said.” Tegwen said.” my mother said. Are you hungry?” “Yes. “I was looking through a plank. and then go home.” I said. they keep it to themselves. and flying at us as though we were something to do with it. “Nobody has told on you. sick.” Bronwen said.terrible to see upside down as she was to me. Bronwen went on ironing as though she had heard nothing. “There.” I said. “Do you feel well?” my mother asked me. There is terrible it is. There was nothing there to frighten me. “and how is the old man to-night?” “I have just seen a new baby come to Mrs. and looking down the dark steps. You came to me but you should have gone to her. with a little tremble in her voice that made me feel worse. Nothing to be heard in the house but the clock. The new baby. so I looked at her slippers. There is a funny feeling you will have in you when you know trouble is being made and waiting for you. mind. “Well. “There is plenty more to be seen. now. There is too much weight on that brain of yours and there is nothing I can do to lighten it. “Well. “Is it true. careful to pull a thread. So will those who poke their noses. “Have to eat.” “Go on with you. boy. “Lay the table. and she held her cheek for me to kiss. “Yes. now. is it?” “No. with ice.” Bron said. Bron?” I asked her. half a smile and half a frown. Beynon’s toes set at peace.” I said. and stained cloths in Mrs. thankful to be in the cold darkness. And I turned away in shame and sickness for I felt I had been where only fools do tread. but quietly and still looking at the washing. now. yet I was trembling. and the bats were all round us. “Not angry. “Why?” my mother asked. “Mama wants to see you. and all the fears putting their hands in carelessly. for I could see only their backs beneath there.” I said.” I said. The light was in her grey eyes when she looked up at me above the shining needle. pulling my arm to be closer to the hole.” So out I went without saying good night. “If there is to be trouble. with laugh in her voice. and smooth frills in the embroideries. Your mother is the one.” I said. and walked straight in our house and found my mother by herself in the kitchen.” she said. in my ear. “Yes. “Let me go from here. “Yes. and her eyes were wrinkling as though the heat of the iron was too much. Mama. I felt I should throw myself over a pit mouth or go under the wheels of a hay wain or get tangled up in the cables of the big winding wheel. and went on hands and knees to the doorway. “Tell nobody. but what I was not sure. but her face was flushed. “The only trouble you will have is thinking about it and having it on your conscience. Bron?” I asked her. darning socks. “Wait. “Do you believe now?” Tegwen said. Price and Mrs. “your Mama should know. I cannot tell how long I had been asleep when I woke up and found my father looking down at . “Only surprised. But gentlemen never poke their noses.” I said.” “I wish I had shut my mouth. “Right. There are some questions that cannot be answered at all. Mama. Beynon. “You told on me. and looked up at me. Mama.” But I looked only enough to see a redness in the deepening light. pulled from sleep by the crying and wailing and sobbing and shrieks. so low I did feel. “I would never tell on you. Mrs. I felt I deserved more than freezing.” “Will I get in trouble for knowing it?” I asked her. “And now you are satisfied?” Bronwen said. “How did that happen?” she asked.” she said. Penry were doing something to her.” my mother said. “Go to bed.” Bronwen said.” I said.” Bronwen said.” I said. you. and sometimes the resting fire. first. but to make discomfort. Mama.” “I am going from here this minute.” But I knew she had gone to our house to tell my mother. Price’s wringing hands above the bucket and Mrs. “I hear you have been somewhere. But instead I went inside Bron’s. “But I had to say something to somebody. “People who go where they are not wanted will always have trouble.” Tegwen said. and went through the yard smart as I could. And if they do by accident. “Else there will be trouble.” “I never thought you would have me in trouble. I thought you were growing up to be a gentleman.” “Hisht. good-bye.” I said.” Bronwen said.” I said. in a little time to come.” she said. Bron. you. Bron was ironing.” Tegwen said.” I said. Bron. not to hurt.” Bronwen said. Mama.” I said.” “Well.” I said.” “Yes. sure. “There you are. “then it must be true. now. and sprinkling water on the stiff white clothes. and I went to my bed in the back room. “If you saw what you saw. It is as though you had an open window below there. and spitting on the iron and hitting the table hard to rub a clean shine into the plain parts. I am just going to Mama’s for my meat dish. and sat down in the usual chair. “Dada will have to speak to you. busy. “Yes.

. “Will I take off my shirt?” “Stay where you are. with a smile well on the way. It has nothing to do with you.” my father said. Is it?” “Yes. Dada. But use it for experience. Are you awake and clear?” “Yes.” I said.” I said. And be sure to take good care of Mama. Remember. Take your mind from it.” I said.” my father said. then. Only talking. and equal.” he said.” “Yes. indeed. “I am sorry I woke you. All men are born the same.” he said. “God bless you. Now you know what hurt it brings to women when men come into the world.” I said.” my father said. “And another thing let it do. boy. Let the memory direct your dealings with men and women.” I did. so come the Captains and the Kings and the Tinkers and the Tailors. “I hear you had a bit of trouble to-night?” “Yes. “Listen to me.me with the lamp. “There is no room for pride in any man. Dada. my son. Leave it. my son. Forget all you saw. I am. Dada. There is no room for wit at the expense of others. Dada. “Right. “Not strapping you. There is no room for unkindness. As you saw today. “Sleep in peace. and make it up to your Mama and to all women.

There is happy are hens. and for days farmers used to come up to see the White Ladies. I would rather have seen a hundred police than that look. The fish were half dead when I got closer. watching the pheasants. So I went up over the bridge again and down the other bank by the side of the Three Bells. After a little. The hens at any other time would have screeched to have your teeth out. and my legs were too weak to do it if it had been lower. “Why should we invite police? I will be my own police while I have health and strength. faded and torn. we took no notice of anyone in the back. now. too. “and there are feathers on the ground. Gruffydd began the revival. and tea. But the feathers of hens and turkeys are not the same. There was nothing. let us have breakfast. She came in running. and red cabbage. Every year toward June. and picks and shovels. This. “Well. without a sign or a sound.Chapter Fourteen THE AFFAIR of the white turkeys will always be clear in my mind because it was the start of the wickedness of old Elias the Shop against us as a family. girl?” my father said. All the village came up to see them and for a few hours the back was like a fair.” At breakfast we were all quiet. and these we made fat for Christmas. and I heard the men making a joke about it. and grain and chicken food. thin. with years of hanging there. with pale yellow legs. for she always went for the eggs for breakfast. with a beard all round his face. The best thing is for us to go to every farm in the Valley. and bringing Old Elias from behind the counter. with Dr. and stood holding the door while my father looked up from strapping his trews. and pinafores. I went down the Hill feeling like a man who has sold his business. The river was running very slowly and I could see small trout down by the rocks. and women’s dresses. but no moustache.” Angharad said. and on the other side of the river was the public house. they were calling them. from underneath his fantail. and soap. but Old Elias carried his own buckets. But instead of the usual turkeys this year. We stood about the hutch with our hands in our pockets. with her face red. to those who know hens and turkeys.” “Gone. “Nobody on the Hill. I thought. “Where. so I went down the bank to see if I could reach to tickle a few. because the men were always saying that Old Elias would never touch the buckets and they always had trouble to fetch them. from his back door to the corner of the little lane on the river bank. and down to the shop of Old Elias. Brown. and sat on the bridge to watch Ellis come in with the Post. only the broken door of the hutch and a couple of white turkey feathers. and made it no matter. and boots. and just take his time to look in. and go his way again. We kept good hens out in the back. “Dada. and cards of combs and boot-laces. and bent forward. I went in Tossall’s for some toffee. we had young turkeys from my mother’s brother. but so many people had been to see the turkeys. twice they come for corn. So we were all taking a good breath when Ivor called for him to go on the morning shift. then?” “The door is broken. “the turkeys have gone. That is how they went one night. and very dainty in her walk and ways. and a double door between that opened with a clashing of bells. white. “Who could have taken them?” Davy said. among those stained rocks. On the ground.” said my father. closing the door with a lot of noise because it was old and the bottom scraped on the ground. This little feather belonged to a white turkey. In I went with the bells rattling overhead. And no trouble to anybody. The windows were packed full of men’s and boys’ suits. I saw the men carrying the slops from the Three Bell. always.” “O. for there was a look in my father’s face we all knew well. with a square window each side. if peace was to be found in that dirty water. “Police?” my father said. Tossall’s back garden was on one side. indeed. so I went back to the road. was a little white feather that might have come from a hen. and underclothes. for sure. and I was sorry enough for them to leave them to die in peace. and some good layers that were black from my father’s sister’s. and ham. and hats. The wall of the yard was too high for me to climb. walking along till I reached the little lane that led to Old Elias’ back door. and anybody could come up. looking up at the mountain.” she said. He was tall. It was getting light outside. so I went out with my brothers to see what could be seen. first. Angharad found out. and bright red combs. of course. I wondered why he should bring them out himself this morning. and went back in. that I suppose they thought it was usual. and it happened when Mr. with crinkly paper all round the frames. in the middle of the lane. and next to that Elias the Shop. The shop was big. and her eyes wide. White turkeys we had never seen. I had a penny. was strange. Then we shall see.” “Will I go for the police?” Davy asked. and lovely fans in their tails. Three Bells. All day they peck for sweet bits in the ground. and look for things to take my time till dinner. and white.” While the boys were away on their long walk. and in the mornings they shout the roof off to have you to come and see their eggs. Richards’ next to it. A minder of her own business. Indeed. I do like a little hen. Uncle Maldwyn sent a new kind. and hair watered down so that it was darker than the . for all I had to do was nod to the boys and girls who were on their way to school.

“the little matter of the penny this morning. with the look on his face and in his voice. “Put it in the box.” I said. “I know where our turkeys are. please. “O. go you to the door round the side.” said my father. “and it came from under the tail of one of them. Mama. Go you. “there is silly you are. and a deep voice.” I said.” I said. Up the Hill I ran and into our house to my mother. too.beard. but shaking glad to see my father. for she was stuffing a piece of lamb.” said my father. “We will put the feather in the vase for your Dada.” “Will I have a pennyworth of liquorice first. “Ianto and Davy round the back by the river in case there will be a leak through the back door.” Two oil lamps and a couple of candles lit the shop and gave Old Elias a new colour to his face. “Well.” All this came out like sour milk from a tipped jug. well. “as many as you please. but pointing at me. The smell of thyme was gentle in the house. I said.” So I climbed on the chair. I was out in the back with Owen when my father was bathing. Go from the shop this moment. “Where. His eyes were shining with a smile not a smile. Elias. now.” my father said. looking right past me.” I said. and the nails long and dug down deep with his pocket-knife. Mr. Twopence in a morning for sweets is iniquity. boy. Liquorice on the top? Sick you will be. and making a lot of it.” I said. but pale. “There was a bit of turkey’s mess on his boot. Go you.” I said. “Yes. Old Elias took a step back and the smile that was not a smile went from his face as water goes into the earth.” “O. “I went in the shop. Well. And your Mama will be angry for you to spend twopence in a day on sweets. and a fist on the counter. Still he looked between us. good. Huw.” “Right. “How do you know?” said my mother. “And now you are going to put your teeth in liquorice?” he said. “Yes. Elias?” I asked him.” “Thank you.” “Where are we going?” asked Ianto. still looking past me. and with splashing. he put his little head in the door and he asks me for a penny stick of liquorice. Dada?” “My turkeys. and wet between them. “Turkeys?” Ianto said. Then a moment later.” he said. “Yes. Dada. now just. Mr. “Go on with you.” he said. picking sage.” So out came the feather from my pocket. Mr. you had toffee now just. “I saw you chewing down by the bridge.” he said. well. “Liquorice. Morgan. “Did you have the liquorice?” my mother asked. He was down by the bridge there. “From Ianto. . and indeed my heart was melt with pity. “Elias the Shop. “Did you have toffee from Tossall?” “Yes. pointed. “I found this in his back lane. “I have come about my turkeys. though of course he never looked once at him straight. and out I went. Owen. looking at the feather. He had on a coat that was polished like a grate down the front. He seemed not surprised. then?” “In Old Elias the Shop’s back. Nobody spoke again until we were at the foot of the Hill. Dada?” Davy asked him. Toffee he had with him. One boot had a little round patch sewn very tidy where the big toenail had rubbed through the cap. so happy as a squirrel swinging his poor little legs.” said my father. is it? I do hope Master Huw have told truth. and then Mama called us to supper.” said my mother.” he said. Huw. with me to the front.” she said. Huw. Mr. “Mama.” said my father. Since when has Old Elias started to save for others.” I said. looking beautiful between me and my father.” “The wind blew it.” I said. “What has he got to do with them?” “We shall see. Elias.” she said. with a frown. with a blackness along the tops. in such a way that we all stopped talking. now. now.” I said.” I said. I wonder?” My brothers came back one by one. my little one. feeling very flat.” I said. too. “Old Elias about. “Old Elias said it was iniquity. rascal that you are.” my father said to me. “What are you going to see the old—” Davy stopped himself in time and made a face at Ianto. “We are going to have a walk afterwards. “No. and narrow trousers strapped upon his boots. and I thought. so that they looked like thick. squared claws.” he said. “Now go you to the back and put tidy that old mess Owen has made with his tools and wheels. too. I said nothing. “No. quick. His eyes were not blue or grey. “A pennyworth of liquorice. back at the lamb. Pink and blue were his hands. my son. “I will see your father. “Shall we come. “Where did you have the money?” my mother asked.” said my mother. he is having some of the sweets of life.” she said. my son. first. “What for?” my mother asked.” I said. I will tell Ianto how to use his pennies.” I said. and they would look to the side of you when he spoke. and his mouth open to show small brown teeth spaced apart. nothing gained from their walking round the Valley. and put the penny in the box. “All this fuss about you is going to your head. “Go from here.

and fell out down by the biscuit cask. in a woman’s high voice. and his mouth spilling spit and bloody bubbles.” said Old Elias. I will swear I could see flame from my father’s eyes.” Old Elias screamed. O. then I ran to see where my father was. his temper was so great and the effort he made to have his voice made his movements weak. Then if there is trouble. with tears in his eyes. Elias. I was going to the next valley. open wide. and ready to kiss him quiet. dear. and to be rolled with his bottom in an apple barrel. “There will be a reckoning.” We heard him hitting his fists against the thick back door as we went out through the shop and crying in the back of his throat.” said my father. “there is terrible. picking up an axe handle on his way. I have got shops. when we went through the back. or the other in the valley beyond that. and a deacon well respected. it slipped slowly. “Huw.” he said. and then the next you will feel so sorry.” I said. “And I will do as I promised. nose shiny in its new size. and threw him into the apple barrel. pointed up. out to the yard. the turkeys looked very white against my father’s black suit. “only except me. “Well. turned.” Ianto said. with the apples rumbling inside. or the other in Town.” my father said. I took them from you for a punishment. when we were outside and walking up the Hill.” Old Elias whispered in a scream. He could have had the old turkeys if he had asked.” my father sighed. I was leaving this den of thieves.” Fair play. my sons.” “Come. there. a bit surprised at Old Elias.” said my father.” said my father. Your heart was swollen with pride in owning them. and there was Old Elias holding his nose. Mr. you will go to him to help him. “another eyeful of him and I will be sick of my food for weeks to come. And remember.” Old Elias took his hands from his nose and beat them together and bloody drops flew about him. Old Elias slipped into the opening of the counter. “Your turkeys. Morgan?” he said. or to my shop in the next valley. with his bottom stuck fast in the mouth. “but to-night is the last time you will open this shop. “this is your last night in this Valley. and robbers.” my father said. Now there will be a reckoning. “There will be a reckoning. is enough to dry the words in any man. and murderers. Mr. by there. “My turkeys. Then he put the foot from sight behind the counter.gently. A lovely smell of candied peel and currants and sultanas and spice and mint. “I will have the English law on you. indeed. and came to stop still by me. Shops. and still looking up. as a man says his prayers in Chapel. too.” “Make way. and my father with a turkey back to front under each arm with his hands about their legs. and then went to the door to shout for Davy and Ianto. over and over again as it fell off its supports and rolled down the shop. and some falling out over his shoulders and between his legs. eyes shut and fists making little circles up by his shoulders. and then a good hit on the nose. then. So I felt for Old Elias. “Then you will allow me to see your back yard. “No. stay here. and candle light coming through the little side window to shine on them. Still his eyes. and no words came. His face came in the light. “Hens. “This feather was found in your back lane. and went through the back. sitting up untidy. For if you open your doors to-morrow. and that was at his boot heel. For moments he looked at Old Elias. I heard them shout back. in a whisper to hurt the throat.” “Go you. Mr. looked between us all. I will burn it about you.” he said.” he said.” “The reckoning is paid on my side. “To hell with the English law. “All the people on the Hill shall see me with them. You were coming to be a son of Satan. But I had no chance to put my feelings in practice. “Over there I was going. “you have had a bit of Welsh law to-night. Dada. My brothers came running through the shop with enough noise to be heard in the next world. now. moving from one foot to the other. for in a moment he was on his feet and making for the back. so inhuman and so unclean. and a good blue sky. There is turkey’s mess still dried on your boot. and so quiet I have never seen in any man. With the evening going to night.” said my father. but this one would make the most righteous feel in the wrong to be the cause of it. But if his face was shadowed. and took Old Elias by the front of his coat. I was going over the mountain. “Eh. Old Elias kicked and struggled to be out. Rage can be a cleanser. full of boxes and sacks. The barrel was at an angle. but he was stuck fast. “Nobody is to go by there. I will be glad to see what will English law do in return. To be found out in theft. for a change. Near to madness. Elias. into the back room. Through the back passage. and wet with red rage. O.” said my father. resting on blocks. it will come to .” said Old Elias. and discomforting. Dada. Closed doors tomorrow. And Old Elias was too full to speak. He could not speak. I skipped behind some bales of cloth until he had gone. I can say that I did see Old Elias look straight at something for once in his life. and earth from the greenhouse there was. with his fists clenched and beating his chest. looking above us. with his voice going high and cracking.” “Well. then faster.” said my father. You would have had them back in proper season. “O. There is strange that you will detest a man in one moment. with thickness. and the axe handle in two pieces on the floor. but with a bit of kicking and rolling from side to side. “I will have the English law on you.” “I was going to my shop over the mountain. turning quickly as my father moved. and through the little glass-house full of boxes and sacks and broken flower-pots.” “Let me carry one. I have got shops. for such raging. full of boxes and sacks and paper and bits of old furniture. and Old Elias.” “O.” said my father.” my father said. and blood coming out between his fingers. it was. while he cried like a wounded hare.” “Yes.

Gruffydd?” Mr. indeed. Gruffydd. They could find out where they had been later.” he said. and drunkards by the score. “He stole your turkeys?” Mr. “And if things are not better very soon. Morgan. What is the subject. Make use of it. Wickedness was creeping into the Valley without halt or check. Gruffydd told them. “I know a few more that would be the better for it. with the river so clear and broadly green. Gruffydd said. and spoke until the sun went. and there Mr.” “Amen.” said my father. That is the first and greatest gift. interests. Up the mountain side we went and turned down for the gate leading to the field. too. then our cheeks went fat with laughter trying to get out.” Mr. I hope I shall see you beside me?” “Well. when we had finished to be surprised. I shall be speaking on the Chapel field down by the river. took more and more. but laughter would catch up with him. I will be glad. or their dependants’ lives. and vagabonds. soft and deep. Think. “I will be with you to-morrow night. There was a crowd in front of us. Gruffydd’s meeting. Gruffydd kept trying to say. You must become stronger than coal. To others it is so many shiploads. Tomorrow night. Gruffydd.” said my father. But if we were chilled outside. “You must fight. The night is coming. “I hear you have had trouble with Mr. and that would start us all off again. Gruffydd.” he shouted. “Good evening.” my mother said. and a crowd behind. It was enough for them to know that the turkeys were home again. Then form a society among yourselves.” said Mr.” Mr. The landlord had signed his name Abishai Elias.” said Mr. and his voice was running in a ring all round the Valley. Use your sense.” said Mr. There was a notice nailed on a board. Gruffydd baptized those who were ready. Mr. “Before you are much older. we were well warmed within from the heat of his discourse. My father went round the back to hutch the turkeys. Coal is lifeless.” “Elect men to Parliament. “Good evening to you. he said. Gruffydd asked us.” The Chapel field was where Mr. Then sense. Gruffydd.” “Tell us what to do. would point to his nose. Then Ianto. Mr. A magistrate next. too. Mr. Along the river it was. “Show us a way. “I punched a man’s nose to-night. and their voice came up like the low note of the north wind. with tears. Mr. so he came in after. sir?” “The bringing of men closer to the spirit of God.” my father said. but nobody asked questions. and a clear vision. Laughter is foolish to think about. Gruffydd. Him and his English law. “have to eat. Do all things with order.” men were shouting. Elias?” “Bad news has good legs.” “Mr. and we walked home fast as well. “The turkeys are in the hutch outside. Gruffydd was quiet for a moment or two and then he started to laugh. never mind the notice. All the way up the Hill people looked and wished my father good night. And the counterparts of those things are hunger and want. Gruffydd. for meetings of any description. Men lose their birthrights for a mess of pottage only if they stop using the gifts given them by God for their betterment.” said the people.” He went through the history of the Valley and spoke to them of the steady fall in wages. and reeds in plenty for the frogs. then at my father and make a weak little punch. By prayer. When we got to them we saw why. “Is there anything to be done for you. so many loans. to have the blood full pitch in us. “Gain for yourselves representation. now. of course. Eat plenty. Gruffydd said. Thieves there were.” shouted Mr. or owned the land above the workings. Mr. Then perhaps even a jail. while others who had nothing to do with coal. He wanted to start his fight that evening down at the baptizing place. “How? It is simple. Morgan. Gruffydd refused to set foot beyond the gateway. and it said that the landlord had left the district and withheld permission. Not all of us are born for greatness. and even bad women. I will go out of my way to deal a few in person.” he said. outside the village.” my father said. “Indeed I will. “are you coming outside your position in . Behold. “How shall we fight?” Mr. Think long and well. Use the gift of prayer.me and not to you. And your greatest enemy now is coal. the night is coming. and misery and idleness.” Mr. a check-weighman with my father. or their lives. and their willingness to work for less and less. “you will have policemen here to stay. Gruffydd was in the house when we got in. “Fight. too. It started in the depths of his chest and slowly rose until he was shouting laughing. and then we laughed. Gruffydd said. so many credit notes. and very pleased and surprised. Mr. we started to smile first.” said my father.” “Thank you. but all of us have sense.” my father said. Gruffydd found a place to stand where we could all see him. “Mr. Elect a body of officers to tabulate your wrongs and give them authority to approach the chief men in the coal trade and in the Government. and willows bending to wash. Nobody knew why. We were in stitches. Prepare. Rhys. hitherto given. but handled only paper. and quiet for the ducks and little waterhens. because it seemed a fitting meeting place for crusaders. So we all walked a little farther up the mountain. and silver about the rocks. to a silence. “The trouble is finished. “thank you. Eat. Gruffydd. so that was more shock to us. Your enemy is usury. The crowd wanted to go in. Well. Mr. and in that day a little paradise. but Mr.” “Good. but good to have. There was a big crowd outside. Watch and pray. and went to the mantel for his pipe. To you it is so many trams at so much a ton. investments. and off he would go again. but to subtle men it lives in the form of gold. Fight now. Ask for strength of mind. Everybody went that way on Saturday for Mr. and fish for the herons. sir. “It is all over the Valley. By prayer and good thought you will conquer all enemies. And the usurer takes no heed of men. for the time is at hand. and evening put a coldness upon us. and watched the smoke from my father’s pipe.

” said Ianto to Davy.” said Mr. for the men to turn out in force. then?” Gwilym asked. but also because they were corrupting the people.” “My business. now. “that the Lord Jesus drove the money-changers from the Temple.“Mr. “Come on. till they were in their own way corrupt as their masters. and Owen were writing notices to be sent to every colliery in the district. in the same voice and waving the people quiet. Davy. so after a prayer and a good hymn we went back home singing.” “What is this. Gruffydd. indeed. There is good were those nights. “Sit you by here. Angharad and my mother were in Bron’s.” my father said. my son. he was so surprised he stood looking in at the door. Ianto. who were too simple to see how they were being cheated. You can take the message to the men on your side.” “Amen. fitting a dress on Ceridwen. and Bronwen gave my hand a squeeze.” shouted Mr.” shouted Mr. but Mr. Gruffydd said the women would be cold if the meeting went longer. my father with a board and chalk. in a voice that made us jump. and Owen with pen and ink. Davy. and my father took Mr. “are you coming outside your position in life? Your business is spiritual. and that had never happened before.” “Now then for you. and shouting. Boswell’s Life of Dr.” said the crowd.” There was more talk then. Then we all took copies of the notice to take to the pits we had chosen. poisoned. a check-weighman with my father. Johnson from the shelf and read a couple of chapters aloud. Sense. “There is how to talk to them. Owen told him. and passed it round for us to read in turn. while my father wrote a notice of a meeting to be held at the Three Bells a couple of nights later. Even Ivor and my father were ready to work with the boys. looking all round us. not only because they profaned that holy place. Rhys. “is anything that comes between men and the spirit of God. and Ivor with a ruler. Gruffydd. Gruffydd. and by degrees. Ianto. when Gwilym came over after tea. . “Let it not be forgotten. Indeed.

for we had a good house. and Dada will be angry and Blethyn will marry someone else. Well. is it? No present from Town for you. Gaslight. “do these old things up for me. see. there is happiness you have seen. “Like an old eel in the pocket you are. but there it is. not flashing. then?” I said. except chapel. now. “plenty of time. that comes on a man quickly.Chapter Fifteen HAPPY we were then. boy. “you will be late. and patting his handkerchief and putting the flaps straight on his pockets. Blethyn Llywarch was a good size and fair looking. and all the people I have loved are a part of you.” Ceridwen said.” Ceridwen said. pushing his tie. But even so. not even shining. boys. not to be rude. Your roof may fall. then we were making something out in the back. but his hair was too high for her to reach.” Ianto said. Huw. girl. and slag will fill your rooms. “Are you afraid one of us will take her?” “One of you?” Davy said. see. and pushed back his hat to laugh. my little one. and beyond you.” she said. no dress done up. .” And the dress was done up. “I knew well he had a girl.” my mother was shouting. and the railway.” “By damn. “No present. Wyn we called her from the start. with eyelashes that touched her brows. pretending to be halfway to crying. “Another one off. and touched with the light. but as though polished soft. but everybody was talking so much. and looking to Davy as to a brother of God. and itching to be out of the house. Ceridwen came home with my father and mother on Saturday afternoon. for comfort perhaps. full of parcels. and this room and the others may become filled with slag. and blushing when he was near Ceridwen. There was nothing to do outside at night. “So an eel I am. and electric light sent them to bed earlier because it was dearer. But you will stand upright inside. “Yes. “When is it your turn?” Owen asked him.” Ianto shouted. Huw. above. except me to a lot of old noise and words piled up on one another. and my mother got a him a cup of tea and took the spoon away after he had dropped it twice and splashed his good trews. with the slag behind. then. all at the same time. and going mad for other things to do. “Just for that. the skin.” “Bring her home. and a smile in her voice.” “Right. all eyes and soft voice. I cannot think. “Come you. and struggling to reach. and struggled again. There is slow. Come you. You shall be buried. I wonder what has happened in fifty years to change it all. dammo. made people want to read less. and talk of Town. or over the mountain singing somewhere. “while there is still something left in the box. In you is my life. big. and your doors. and downstairs we went. you. It is like an asthma. when it came. and then breathed on with half of half a breath. and good work.” I said to her for when she moved. or penny-readings. but you will never fall. He has no notion how he had it. Dear little house that I have lived in. nobody had a good listen.” “O. Everybody trying to think of something to say. pale. with a broken nose from fighting and black hair in a mop that got in his eyes when he was excited.” But Davy had too long a start and they had no chance. but you will never fall. is it?” “Will I have a present from Town. In came Davy and Ethelwyn on top of it.” How soft.” Davy said. “nasty you are to your sister.” Ianto said. “O. There is an old devil. to account for it. except death. and the sea. So now for you.” “Keep still.” I said. sometimes.” “Right. making claws at me. But put me in this old dress before I will jump from that window. Your windows will break. all I had done up came loose again. I can remember nothing. You will have me late and then no Town and no bottom drawer. Roll him down the bank. boy. for if we were not studying or reading. God. bending forward to do up the fastenings at the back. downstairs. we always found plenty to do until bedtime. and nothing to cure it. with her new dress tight about her shoulders. and stopped working.” “O. Brown eyes she had. and our faces with smiles so tight as to be stitched. I will have her home here on Saturday. warm. Ceridwen stood in that doorway by there.” “O. My father was trying to make him sit back in his chair instead of having a bit of himself on the edge. I can remember no time when there was not plenty to be done. He was shy at first. to see her go off with my mother and father with Thomas the Carrier to catch the train to Town. or choir. “nine old presents you have said. but she was cool as a stream up the mountain. and laugh tears. see. and leave you. “Ceridwen. Nothing else to be done with a girl like that. now. But it was no wonder when we saw her. Tight it is.” she said. keeping quiet. That was the first I knew of Davy having a girl. But when did people stop being friends with their mothers and fathers. and her face laughing among her long hair hanging down. even before I was born.” Davy said. man. so to go out of you. is to leave myself. and good food. “Hurry up.” she said. when we were waving to them down the Hill. That great black bully who presses upon you with such hurt will soon cover you.

“and the rest of them think differently from you. Ivor and Bronwen. Young Iestyn Evans. and old Mrs. You manage your own colliery.” she said. in an English manner. “and I will come with you. so when I got in the house.” Angharad said. more wet on the floor.” “Wait.” she said.” “The moment has gone these minutes. plates and dishes and knives and forks and spoons and basins and cups. I did so much washing up that night. “I pay my men well. I never wanted to see another old pot while I lived. “Wait. “Only a minute. and Mr. He had just left Oxford University and a proper swell. and then Angharad caught up with me and home we went. But others are managed by paid servants with the owners interested only in the profits.” “How old is this Daniel?” Iestyn asked Angharad. girl. I am coming.” Owen said. and there is a temper for you. dear.” I told her. “Let us go out up the mountain. but still on Iestyn’s arm. Five minutes would have been no harm.” I said. “What is the matter with you?” she asked me. and almost crying. and I was too unsteady to catch up with her. “come you home.There is a big family we were that night. There is beautiful to watch a mountain sleeping. this time properly.” said Ianto. “this is Huw. “Let us go in by there now. and her cloak like a witch’s in coils with the wind.” said Iestyn. “Then you shall start. son of Christmas Evans the Colliery. Better for you to call after Chapel to-morrow. “Nearly finished they have. who was managing his lodgings for him. “only meeting for a moment. you.” “But your colliery is only a small one. Dear.” I said. Rich. Huw. there is glad I was that night that I was born a boy.” “If you do.” “And middle-men. Owen. Come on up the mountain where we shall be quiet. and Mr.” “Talk. “are they using six plates for every bit of devil-ridden food they are stuffing in their old bellies. Let us go to the top of the mountain. Huw.” Gwilym said. “See if he asks Dada after Chapel to-morrow. “Why does he want to see you up the mountain? Why not come home?” “I hate you. “Not old enough to give orders. too. and started down the mountain.” she called. and her eyes were dull with contempt. Ceridwen and Blethyn. “Iestyn.” Wash and wipe. Gruffydd said.” he said.” she said. “Keir Hardie says the mines should belong to the people. Evans looking very black indeed.” “Hulloa. More kettles to boil for more hot water. “Like the Post Office. They were all talking about the Unions when I got in. to dance in above the fat clouds. and whistling as though he expected to meet somebody.” “Home.” I said. Tell them in by there to take their old snouts from the trough before I will come in and push the rest down their gullets with the poker. “you would say that to me?” “I would rather say it now than after. now. for the sink was crowded. “And if my father knew Angharad was meeting you. with a white face and her eyes with glitter and shine to make you afraid.” Mr. “It is very kind of you to bring your sister to meet me. and listen to the talk. a man. and other mountains in the other valleys rising up like bits of blue velvet to make you feel you could cut a piece and wear it for a coat.” “Hyndman says the land should all belong to the people. he would strangle her. “Fifty pairs of hands. That is the evil.” “Marx has always said so. I am. and there is surprised I was. heat and steam.” “Heart?” Angharad said. “I am too young to give orders. A man will never know a woman until he knows her work. a new sink and dry feet is what I want. We had been there only a minute or two and then somebody came up toward us. Davy and Wyn. perhaps.” Davy said.” So up the mountain we went. me.” I said. “I have had enough for one day.” I said.” Iestyn said. and always the water. with her face white and her eyes black and her hair blowing about her. Right. Have heart.” Angharad said.” I said. not heart. Huw Morgan. More steam. Ianto. I think he is. “The best wages in all the valleys they have from me and always have. “and I am with him. lazy lordlings and greedy shareholders are our enemies. “Wait. Rowlands the Villa.” So I waited. she was making tea for them all as though nothing had been amiss. Talk? I would be looking at their old mouths and thinking how many platefuls that one took in it. and starting with his father. and sat on the branch of a big oak that the storm had pulled off. Wash and wipe. “but too old to take orders from you. At last we finished. . and little Olwen upstairs and sleeping these hours. Gruffydd. Mr. “Huw.” “I knew nothing about you or I should have stayed at home.” “For shame. There is surprised I was. “Huw. “my father will know about this meeting.” I said. Wash and wipe. And they pay differently. because Ceridwen was out in the back with Blethyn. Gwilym. out by there?” “Down on the floor I will put them. more wash and wipe. “Good God. Angharad and me. for Angharad got up quickly and ran headlong down to meet him.” But she was running down the path. “What for?” I asked her.” I said. wash and wipe. Come. hot water and soda. kettles and saucepans. and Angharad threw the last wet dishcloth over the line.” Angharad said.” said Davy. “Fourteen.” Angharad said. and I heard them kiss. Come.” “There is a mean old thing you are.” Angharad said. it was with her.” “I am going home this minute.” “That is what Meillyn Lewis might have said. more soda. My father and mother. Evans from the colliery and more who called and went.” she said. and wrapped her cloak round her so that she was a black pillar. too. and nearly crying in temper. with impatience and a stamp on the wet stone.” Iestyn said. “I could kill you.

Has coal gone up? No. and schools. “Owain Glyndwr said all there is to be said for this country hundreds of years ago. Quiet to bed.” Davy said. “With the sliding scale the men know they have got something to work for and take home. with her little hand in mine and very important with Owen and Angharad behind. and went a bit red in the lamplight.” “Then let enterprising individuals pay rental to the mob. “To-morrow is Sunday. the less the wages. and took it away again. and proud with a good covering of oak and ash. “I had a try last week. I can do my work after I have been to the pit. “No. and got up. Evans. only that the winds were old robbers who took something from each grass and flower and gave it back again. but there were lots of other families as big. “You and Ianto and Owen are gentlemen of ease.” “If more coal is sold at a cheaper price. “wages will go down. you will find that my work has met yours. and good night. “This world was created for Mankind. now.” my father said. The winds came down with the scents of the grass and wild flowers. “Never. big and strong with the blackness of his beard gone gold in the sun. and many bigger.” “You do it. and O. “The Unions are only part of a whole.” my father said. man.” “I have other work to do.” Mr. Evans said.” Mr. Angharad and Bron in contralto. then Davy and Ceridwen.” Mr. “Have a strong Union of your own first. and looking at his pipe. It is money that enables men to come from the mob by education. Let the Unions become civilian regiments to fight in the cause of people. “Let the Unions become engines for the working people to right their wrongs. and washing his feet in a streaming river clear as the eyes of God. it will be a less a mob and more of a body of respectable. you might think the mountain himself . A fine one to talk.” “Is this our Ivor?” Owen said.” “It is a good job some of us have done something with what land we have got. Not only by the miner but every other working man in the country.” When they had all been seen off down the Hill. Our family started with me and little Olwen. All the people on the Hill started about the same time. Gruffydd. and everyone starting to sing the same hymn. “You do it. and knew well. and the women nodding their bonnets and the boys touching their caps and the girls dropping a knee. “then you can join fine sounds and names.” “We are trying to join the Social Democratic Federation. yet?” Mr. Gruffydd with his coat. but I wanted to tell old Evans. from those nearest the Chapel to those down at the bottom of the mountain.” Mr. Gruffydd. self-disciplined.” “How about having a crusade on our own?” Davy said. When the mob is properly schooled. there was Mr.” Davy said. Wales for the Welsh. all over the Valley.” “They are fools. Good night to you.” said Mr. like forks in a road.” Owen said. “We went down this afternoon. The Tribe of Morgan my father called us. please.” said Mr.” “We are starting work in the colliery on Monday. the boys came back very quiet indeed and stood about the fire. The mountain was green.” Mr. for them to be back. Morgan. “They are not even wanting to join the Miners’ Federation because of it. or burial clubs.“I am not in favour of anything put up by a lot of old foreigners.” said my father. “Well.” “What about the crusade?” Davy said. Gruffydd said. “We can take a valley each.” my father said. “Tell them so and tell them why. boys.” “The sliding scales are stopping us. and the girls caught up with their parts. or you will wake Mama. and you would hear nothing for a long time but GoodMornings and How-Are-You-This-Mornings all the way down to the road at the bottom. “Only a few. That is sliding scale. and the purchase of books. “We will speak more on Monday. and then my father or mother started a hymn softly. of course. Beautiful were the days that are gone. now. Not benefit societies. “what shall we do? I kept my mouth shut by there. still sour. and then the boys all came in. whatever. Gruffydd asked him. walking now. looking at him and pretending to be fainting. “Enterprise is in the individual. putting a sweetness to our noses. “Do you think I have been living and working here with my eyes fast shut? Old Evans only pays a few pence more because he knows the men would work at an easier pit if not. And not likely to till your sliding scale is thrown aside and a fair living standard adopted as a basis for a working wage. and gave a little to each of us. that we met on the way. “Nobody. and taking away so that nobody could tell what beauty had been stolen. The cheaper the selling price. Then you will have another crusade.” “That meeting last week showed. what could be done by using a little guile.” Ianto said. is it? Now think. not for some of mankind. We will pay our way. the more the wages. Gruffydd.” “Who put the pepper into you?” Davy said. and when you have done it.” “There was no need for that.” “And live off the box?” Owen said. properly. The women are behind them and that is their strength. and it’s working.” There is good it was to walk to Chapel on a Sunday morning when the sun was shining. the old hypocrite. Mr. with my father and mother last. all the men taking off their hats. “and the mob will be that much better off. and the more the selling price. and helped Mr. Ceridwen in soprano. waiting for us.” Ivor said. After work. boys. Gruffydd said. Gruffydd. and to listen. Dada. Dada.” said Mr. and selfcreative citizens.” Davy said. knowing your enemies.” “After whose work?” Ivor asked him. More of him and less of Mr. everybody in Sunday clothes and polished boots. “This is your home and there is no question of paying. indeed. Gruffydd said.” Ivor said. not in the mob. We used to walk quietly for a bit till we were out of the houses of the village.” “We have come off the Unions now. “Have you got members in this Valley for a Union. and Ivor and Bron behind.” “The peoples of all countries should own their countries. And as we all climbed the mountain side to the Chapel.” said Mr. Then we shall help one another. Gruffydd said. Marx. and you heard the echo running to catch up. then Ianto with little Gareth.

indeed. and little Olwen was drowned in it. But that afternoon we went straight home. especially those living far apart. It would drop down and down. . on a Sunday. and stopped. We had two pews. and soprano. and full of fight. Back home. let him ask permission. and then off to Sunday School at the Chapel again. with my father and mother and Iestyn pale.” “If Dada hears about this. for the woodwork in the gallery and the big seat and pews and pulpit. re-strengthened. or the other way about. “Yes. My father went up to sit in the big seat with the other deacons. and the Principality of Christ the Man. Gruffydd started his sermon. and pick flowers. “Did you hit Iestyn Evans?” my father said to Ianto.was in song with him.” Ianto said.” Ianto said. she stopped and looked straight at Ianto. “Angharad. with a swelling round his chin. of wax. The girls used it. not soft. for a start. neither was I the favourite with anybody. That was wrong. every single note a carpet of colour woven from basso profundo. “I will not allow my sister to be treated like a pit-woman. and keep it boiling for minutes while the royal thunder of his voice proclaimed again the Kingdom of God.” Ianto said. who must have bathed and cooked food in it. the fool. Mrs.” Ianto said to Angharad. But presently you would hear a note coming into it and your hair would go cold at the back. and rich with quality. with laughing going on. and my place was just in front of Bron’s in the back. Voice of Man. and of smoke from the wood in the stove. with the mountain between their homes. and head up so that song might go to the roof and beyond to the sky. then. but then he would throw a rock of sound into the quiet and bring your blood splashing up inside you. flat. all talking. O. and alto and mezzo. but never once was he seen to use them. and went to claw.” he said. and baritone. of paint a bit. and alto. and then one of them would choose a hymn. Gruffydd was coming in with the last of the people. so strong it was with her. in a voice not loud. I will kill him. “Outside the Chapel. if there is a next time. too. or nuts and berries for our favourites to eat on the sly in school. and Ceridwen trying to hush. with a small shake in his voice.” Iestyn said. But we always had a few sweets in the pocket. he always put a few sheets of paper on the ledge by the Bible. “She knows what will happen if there is more of it. Davy. but I thought it looked very good. indeed. until you could hear what he said only from the shapes of his mouth. Murder. and of hymn books. there was only lavender. so I was always with lavender. but so quietly that only a few could hear.” “Say nothing. out. “Next time. Talfan must have chosen it on purpose. Angharad was crying under the notice board. “Throw him in the river?” “London tricks. We have a home and he knows well where it is. so we went back home.” We went through the quiet. singing and singing. Owen. “What shall we do with him?” Davy said. When Mr. After Sunday School we always had a play on the mountain. so faint as a baby’s breath. everybody was looking at Ianto over their books. one behind the other.” Angharad screamed. “You devil. quietly. looking at his knuckles.” The text for the lesson that afternoon was “Love ye one another. but only when he was not looking up. But when you were near Bron. with a hard edge. “There is a swine for you. But Bron was lavender. and just in front of me was old Mrs. with Owen and Davy and Ianto right behind her. then.” Ianto said. you could tell Bron. but Owen and Davy took her by the arms and dragged her inside the lobby and shut the door on her. too. and then to each of us about him. and me. it kept close to her. Angharad. As we came. Angharad. and the children would go to talk together. Who was outside the Chapel when we got there. That came later. I could never have a liking for old camphor. Evans and Iestyn. and the crowded black clothes and white linen very plain against the green of the mountain and the grey of the Chapel. of soap and water for the stones. When I looked he was falling backwards. So there might be a crowd of people outside the Chapel. and though it was a lovely smell. Going to Sunday School was not so serious as going to Chapel. and thankful. while Mr. until life and all things living are become a song. Sunday School was very flat. If he wants to speak to you. without a sweet or two when teacher was looking in the book. to anybody with sense. Now go in to Sunday School. “Hulloa. He started to speak as though he were talking to a family. and contralto. I had no favourite. Ianto. very smart. quiet. and put his hands behind him. or Red Indians among the boys only if there were no grown-up people near us. “Your sister. good colour and good smell. with a buttonhole. “He must be taught. on such a day?” my father said. perhaps?” I was looking at the face of Angharad. But we all looked up at her as though there was nothing behind it. but from the side of my eye I saw Davy’s fist flash in the sun and heard the fat click of it meeting Iestyn’s jaw. organ of most lovely might. the boys chasing the girls. “Who are you talking to?” Ianto said. because when she read it. Ceridwen. That is how we came from Chapel every Sunday rearmed and re-armoured against the world. and three away from her. The Chapel always smelt the same. white in the face and pale in the eye. too. we had time to eat dinner in our house or Bron’s. so her score was nothing.” Owen said. with black bowler hats and top-hats nodding and bonnets with feathers bobbing. and camphor from the best suits and dresses. There is good to have a little flower so near to you. John. and basso. but now some of the elders would stop to talk outside the Chapel. indeed. with shoulders back. Sing. big-eyed crowd and Owen opened the door. and tenor. but Iestyn Evans. Mass on mass of tone.” and when it was read. Leave him there for everybody to see. And there was Mr. Sing. Dada. and of people. so we could join the other boys and girls on the way. My mother always made rose water from the wild roses of the mountain. “he will have it out of Angharad. It was faint. yet there. and I have worn many a hundred since.

“Buttonhole and all. and gathered it in to take inside with me. Mr. with a lesson in cooking. dirty from last night. a tidy little house. Up the mountain it was better. “Iestyn Evans and Angharad.” my mother said.” said my father. and Iestyn shook hands with Ianto. “Too young. though the river was still running black and the plants and reeds dead and dying on both banks. as though I had watched my mother and Bron for more than two years for nothing.” Iestyn said. and the winds had choir practice whenever they could on every side of it. trying to make his engine go. “No malice anywhere. green grass grew again. she asked me to take them the basket. quick. When the lamb was in the oven. peeled potatoes and pulled a cabbage from the garden. down the Hill. and went next door to have a bit of meat for Gwil’s supper. with his hand over his mouth not to laugh. though she went over sometimes twice a week. So I spent a lot of time with Owen in the back. I will have back what I said of your son. “Doubtless. Nobody is too young to be married. “Good.” Old Evans said. Just the same upstairs as down. so I made the double bed. so off I went. Farther on.” “She is upstairs. instead of staying at her house over the mountain. I went upstairs to see if I could do something to the beds.” “Ianto. There is a noise the old thing made. “And doubtless I will break your back if I will have another reason. and round into the flat of the Valley. and looking in the fire to dream. and happy it was to see a flower growing after all the brute sadness. and I have never been a great one for noises in darkness.” Ianto said. and on the top it was good to look back and see all the filth hidden behind trees and blackberry bushes.” Ianto said.” said Old Evans. “Now. “I knew nothing of the girl.” Iestyn said. “I will wait for you. my mother had plenty to do all day and little strength left for walking. Mr. along the path by the river. “We are honoured. That way. Even grass was growing in some places.” “I will have you in Court. so I felt it and found it dry. and went to get up. That is a law. girl?” After that. but an unhappy little shake. Extra tired one afternoon. A good cup of tea now. and gave me a shoulder of lamb. “why did you hit him?” “Let him tell you. indeed.” Mr. even though I knew it was still there.” Mr. there was nowhere in the house to go without coming in to black looks from Angharad and Iestyn. Gwilym. Evans’ face. Gwilym’s bath water was still in front of the fire. “I have seen her several times. “Much older. and there is surprised was his father.” my mother said. but speaking as though Ianto were four foot the shorter. I had to pass the two heaps of slag that had grown and grown till they looked half as big as the mountain.” “Thank you. “Go on with you. Gwilym’s house was the end one in a row on the other side of the mountain from us. “We are not brute beasts. “There is too much of this slack talking done. “Let us see the bone these two dogs have lost hair over.” “That is because there are men here who use their fists. now.” Iestyn said. young man.” “Did seeing her give you the right to speak to her?” my father asked him.” my father said. Ianto. there would be murder done again. girl. Dada. So I set to work and emptied the bath. The river running between was drying up. like boxers touching hands.” “I was coming here with Angharad after Sunday School. “I spoke to your daughter. and sometimes Davy and Wyn when he brought her over to us. Pots were on the table for at least three meals. She asked no questions and I told her nothing. though I knew she was losing years keeping it back. “If you had spoken to her in my hearing.” Ianto said. and put on water for Gwil’s fresh bath. for if a man spoke to Iestyn’s sister. I only knew there had been a fight. “Doubtless you had a reason.” my father said. “I will call to ask your permission to-morrow evening. “There is kind.” “How old were you when we were married?” my father said. washed the floor.” my father said.” Ianto said.” “There it is. and furniture was everywhere except the right place.” “Gwilym. boy. not before. washed the pots.” “Look here. Where is the tea with you. Angharad. and I was just putting the windows up when I heard a noise in the second room. but open to the weather.” he said to Ianto.” said my father. Morgan. as though to take pity on us and cover the ugliness of them. “Hisht.” said my father. lit the fires. but Iestyn stopped him. It was a long way from our house to Gwilym’s and with little Olwen. “You were younger still than Angharad. . There was washing hanging when I got there. is it?” “None. Evans said. and that was a night of nights.” said Iestyn. “This is a civilized community. I have never liked that road since.“That was where he was. you would have had worse. where is the girl?” said Old Evans. “and she will be down tomorrow morning. “and how do you come to speak to my daughter?” “Well. so sick it was of the struggle to keep clean. But it did go at last. and looking with her teeth in her lip at Mr. “O?” said my father. The floor was brittle with coal dust from Gwil’s boots and clothes. and got up to go. The woman next door was very civil. or Ceridwen and Blethyn. The house was in uproars. my son.” said my father. and the meals for my father and the boys on different shifts. and small blame to it. indeed. girl. past the last of the cottages. It was going from evening to night and not a lamp alight in the house. Evans. Evans gave my father a wink and a little punch as he went.” Iestyn said.” said my mother.” my mother said. I will shake hands with you.

with her crying. with her head against the rock. “Huw. yes. Marged. but clear.” “Hisht. and I could see. Kick and scream from her. She was bent from the waist and hitting herself by ducking her head into the rock. because I knew the way. There is funny to have your feet fast to the floor in fear. Never leave me again. just looking. and it is in feeling that you will have orders. And in a little while the sheep looked up again. and cries out in his own tongue. “Come you. “Owen. with my legs like bars screwed to the ground. the air red about me and sickness inside me. girl. and I turned and ran. Come and kiss me. with only a light from the farm. The room was just like our back. “Sleep. Then they stood clear of the heat as we came closer. now. knocking. when I went to her. I knew well we would perish of cold if we were there much longer. “You have come then?” “No. but this time they ran down the other side. though how I got there I will never know. and then she screamed. is it?” I saw the light on a tool. and sacks of potatoes and seed piled along the wall. with the same sort of bench and vice. the same number and the same colour as ours. There is a force outside yourself which makes you stand still. and pulled her away. Kiss your Marged. so quietly that the breathing of the trees was louder. In a few minutes I had a fire roaring by the rock and giving good heat. Up on the top of the mountain I fell flat. you. holding her chest with both hands.” she said.” she said. and started back to Gwil’s for help. and then dropping away. through briars and over hedges. “Owen. and then quickly I pulled the door shut. and moved. always within reach of you. but the other men held him away. which you cannot know but only feel.” she said. and hit. but with tiredness. reaching over to the tool rack. Down the stairs I went. and it will take a grinding of teeth and tears to the eyes to turn against it. then. and noises. The two men who were there first started to shout and ran into showers of sparks. though there was no need of them. she slept. I shouted until I was almost into them. and walking as though she had drunk too much. and digging at the door with the tool. and Gwil and his men came up on the wrong side of the rock. Now lamps were going yellow down in the Valley. but not yet high enough to see over the mountain. and the wind singing flat. I stopped dead. only surprise that I was going forward. with me on the shoulders of a big collier who was straight from the pit. I ran through bushes. see. and wondering how I had come by there. not very loud. but going back to crop as I fell. and round rocks. “You shall never go from me again. Marged. is it?” And in between her words were whisperings. and stood. hit. all beating the briars. and farther down by the first lot of rocks I saw Gwilym with some men carrying lanterns. “I will have you with me. The moon was on us. but the wind was out of me. and through bushes and over rocks. and I heard it again. But you cannot move. black. I ran and I ran and the breath gone before taken. I have put Gwil’s bath for him.” she said. . until my legs were dragging along the ground and my mouth wide to the sky. He and most of them started up the mountain ahead. and a bit of lamb to cook. One step at a time I went to the door of the second room on the little landing. beating with their caps and jumping back again. slowly. I waited till she was so near that I could feel the warmth of her fingers on my face. staring.I waited a bit.” I said to her. for I felt nothing.” I said. “it is dark. so I covered Marged as far as I could. and off through the back door and up the mountain. and across to the fire. Gwil came round and stopped. white in her hand. face down to the cold short grass. I have waited too long. But when I looked back in the darkness. no bath. “Owen. and laughed again. with her hands in her lap and her feet flat on the floor. too. Yet not even in feeling. this is. and some of them pushing the lamps under the hedges. Marged stayed still. There is a spirit greater than you. but as I pulled her she fell and I beside her. and Marged came up over the edge. Now I will go back. hit.” she was saying. and I saw her black shape against the window. Marged was sitting over in the corner by the window. and looking at me with the light from outside touching the wet of her eyes and mouth. I could see the pale mark of her apron running up the path after me. looking up as I ran. but he only comes to take charge when your own spirit is lost. I will have you in pieces and hang you on hooks. and the wind blowing tin trumpets round the house.” I said. and indeed. and I could hear her breathing. and going loud. and hit her head against it and the wind brought the sound to me. and smelling of coal and strong tobacco. from the black corner. and they fought with him to hold him down. I heard no voice. come and kiss. and that seemed to have them free. and through grass and ploughed land. Even beams had been nailed up. not good sleep. More men were all round the fire trying to stamp it out and getting in my way. You can see and hear and think so well that it will hurt. but as one dead. but it only made me travel faster. Half-way down in the darkness of trees I heard her screaming again.” “No. is it? Sleep. and then screamed. and onions and hams and leeks hanging up. “Long I have waited in this old place in the cold and now I shall be warm. yes?” “If he will come. with the trees black in it. and had to run all the way round to where the fire was burning. She went to the rock and leaned against it. and then made a start to light a fire with twigs. all the tools in racks. yet I was at the door. going back into the darkness with every moment. so I pulled Marged where she would have warmth. I felt no hand. Owen. We were at the top almost as soon as the others. Owen will come in a minute. Trembling I was. and a long way to go over the mountain. and ran to go in the flames. A little laugh. with a hay-cutter on the side. In the Valley it was pitch black. Up over the edge and out on the flat we ran. only to make the room more exactly like our back. and indeed I sounded very loud even to me. and ran to have my cap from the kitchen. like a tearing of sacks.” she was whispering. and then I opened it to look in. it was.” “But.” “You shall stay. and the sky was smoking blue. with sheep at peace near me. and Gwilym dropped his lantern to run and meet me when the other men shouted.

” he said to me. and carried me into the kitchen. very well. and rows upon rows of houses were building. boy. and a bubbling among the snapping of burning wood. pushing Owen and telling him to stop the engine. down the path and home.” “Go on. but kept clean and shining by me.” my father said. The door slammed back and my father came in with his eyes wide. and your Mama worried in case you were lost on the mountain.” So next morning Bron took me over the mountain to the National School. now. crying. and her voice with love. and standing up as though strangers were in the house. and went in to him. I meant. If he is not going over the mountain.” my father said. go for the boys to follow Dada. I slipped from the collier’s shoulders and looked away. go you for the doctor. and came to kneel by me. “how will he make a way for himself without good schooling?” “There is something about the National School I will never like.” He put the crank handle in. but there were some tidy little chapels in building and built. “Now. “but if that is all there is.” she was saying. and in all my life before I had only been in that valley twice. The doctor came and wrote down what I told him of that night. For weeks our house was quiet. and boots stamping the ground. and my mother and Bron behind with some of the people next door.” “O. my little one. . But my mother took me from him and held me in her lap by the fire. “Marged is burning. thinking nothing and seeing little. and the wind humming to the fire. Marged was never spoken of in the house after that. up at the sky. and down in the dark of the Valley. with tears nothing would stop. And there you were in that old place making all that noise. but I often thought of her.” my mother said.” I gave him the tool from its place in the rack and thought of poor Marged and started to cry. then. smiling. so we had a walk round before we went to find the school. and plenty were being lived in without a road or even a good path to them. The engine was going. and burning. you had better say it to me. with even more dirt over there than on our side. and went to sleep. shouting.” “He shall go over the mountain to the National School. Bron liked the look of the shops. My father looked at me. “There.” he said. going from Owen to the engine. but just walking.Marged was lying in the fire. School for me came up one night. “If you were able to go to Town every day. “Not that. I have been asking. Owen and Gwil went away. with the engine waking up at every turn. “because if you are. “missing the best of it. first. and Gwil crying. now just. quick. nobody knew where. and my mother was worried pale for them.” “National School?” my mother said.” “Where is the boy to go?” my mother said. and I will start her. and most of them full even so early as we were. Gwil. After years. girl. There is a thing to say. and saw the light where Owen was working.” I said. it was going. “too far for you with that big basket.” “Then where is the boy going?” my father asked her. Angharad. but Owen was winding and winding. making me clench my jaws. Behind me the shouts. In I poured the spirit. Public houses were on every corner.” he said. Quick as quick the firing came until it was in a storm of firing. “Come on. where is he going?” “Has he got to go to school?” my mother said. still in the back. and my father lifted me over the heat of it. Give me the number three. you. but Owen was too busy on the engine to notice.” Then I had broth. “go you. “and they have got Gwil on the ground. and no trouble. The way we went was not one we took often. His face was wet with sweat. and more in them than the little couple we had. Hold on. and I stood above the funnel. “Marged is burning. and that was the last I heard of it. quickly. Wasting your time on a machine like that. but no notice. My mother ran across to me. my little one. “No son of mine is going to a National School. now. you are helping to make history. but his eyes were bright with smiles as he looked up at me. but I was crying and nothing would stop me. in the quiet. and Owen turned no longer but pulled the handle clear. “What is that you are saying. I went in round the back. National School. I could see Marged so plain in the fire. now. man. God. “Well. with the tin of spirit ready to pour in. Owen.” my mother said. for it was where the iron works were. for they were bigger. and I felt her strength about me and her kiss upon my forehead. “you prime her. “you would go to school to-morrow morning.” I said. and tears dropped with it. I walked away. “Right.” my father said.” My mother looked up at my father and his eyes changed. Owen looked and looked and then threw the crank to the roof and started to dance with his knees bent high. my son?” he said. Beth. Not very far for him and much better than hanging about the house. all surprised and some of them afraid. “Weeks. but barely to be heard.” he said.” “Are you going to blame him for his weakness?” my mother said. with smoke. “The others could walk and look after themselves. so somebody was awake over there. when my father had come back in the house after looking at Owen’s engine. And now it fired.” “Mama. “till the one is built here. almost. Huw. in no hurry. and so did I. and fired again. The town over there was getting bigger every day. you are. shaking the place under my feet. and back to the engine. speechless in the noise. and looked as though to make it run by his will. Your Dada was coming to look for you.

then. new. walking out and slamming the doors in a stamping temper. boy?” Bron asked me.” I said. and at the end a little pit for a piece of rubber. On the top tray. “Are you looking for someone?” he asked her. and without the marks of teeth. Gruffydd said. but I knew that if she had caught my eye we would have shouted laughing like fools. and people looking at her because she was lovely. “I will put him upside down on his old desk and hit the flap on his old head.” I said.” “Good. and the tables I had known almost from the time I could walk. “Very well. with copies of references. and a bald head. Motshill said to me. children were chanting arithmetic tables in a sing-song. how much could he afford. “Good. “What is the matter. and go in to the dark with her. with a top that slid off. three yellows. with brass holders for nibs. too. Here is a pencil-box for you. “Mama and Dada. with sharp points. Motshill going round the corner. and Mama and Dada in peace. please. Gruffydd. About eighteen inches long. because I am busy.” Bron said. Silas Owen. in the middle of the street. You shall see. From down at the far room. Who was my father. and turned about sharp.” I said. Bron?” I asked her. Learn anything. and remanded for a class. “Yes. and his father’s.” Bron said. sir. old man. But if nothing is said about speaking English. Motshill was English. a tall man. Gruffydd. low. So I told him. “to school at last. His parents want him to join the school here.” he said. “shall we take you?” “Yes. now then. as though he had made a discovery.” he said. “Yes. now. and gave me a kiss. or anything without a tongue and hands. “What trouble. You are to instruct his parents. and bending over me so that I could smell the snuff on him. and with long fair whiskers on both sides of his face.” Then Mr. one from Mr. Fourteen eighteens?” His face flew down at me and his voice blew in my ears. “Well.” Bron said. I am sure. and no moustache. with the pencil-box in front of me. in English. too. “to speak in English. see. and her mouth came together and her eyes went to slits. solicitor.” “More trouble in the house. Mr. is it?” “Yes. one from Mr. That morning I would have given anything to grow wings and be a dragon fly. Mr. Bron looked down the hall at Mr. for we had played figures ever since I could remember. “To-morrow morning.” Mr. English. and things like that. and took the letter home. and Mama will say you and your old National School. called stickjaw. Mr. “You heard what he said. fees. It was mine and my father’s. and a red . leaving Bron and me in the hall.Chapter Sixteen GOING IN TO A NEW SCHOOL is a lot worse than drawing teeth. with a big lump of my cheek between his fingers and thumb. and you pushed it round to come to the second tray. There is a beautiful box it was. But Bron was with me so I could do nothing only follow behind. and as though his throat had a cord about it pulled tight. and then at me. and what did he do. The top tray was fast on a pivot. “Right you. “and learn. “let us have toffee. Huw. Master Morgan. Gruffydd. A lot of little red paths in them. three lovely red pencils. His eyes were big near mine and his glasses made them smaller. Motshill asked questions. and he stood up. and that would have settled school. and I will still be about the house all day. to see her face. “Well. Go you. boy. Richards.” I said. is it?” So up the mountain we went back home with our faces swollen with toffee we used to have. I could tell where they were from the sound and length of it.” I said.” I said. Inside it smelt of chalk. Evans the Colliery. I can go to school and nobody wiser. to think of his thin legs waving. and two pens green. then looking at her shoe. past the yellow-rick. but slowly. with five more lovely pencils.” Bron looked down at me with her hands on her hips. at all times. That is all. then?” “Yes. you understand.” Mr. and laughing loud at nothing very much because the sun was shining and we were happy.” he said to Bron.” And off he went. “yes. But say it in English. You will be examined as to the present state of your education. The rest of the day I was going up and down for references. “this is my brother-in-law. thin in the leg. Just tell me. “that he must on no account be allowed to speak that jargon in or out of school.” “What will you do?” I said. high of collar. But come you to-morrow night and tell me about the first day. He came out of his room as we went in. long. and fees to cover books.” he said. and a piece cut out for your thumb to press it through the groove. There was no sense in a question like that. tell me. and one from Mr. one from Dr. and bring pencils and pens with you. But if you let that old slug by there make you speak English when you want to speak Welsh. and we were laughing. “School. What will your Dada say? You shall never go to that school. and three wide. “Do?” Bron said. “Dada will say no school. Good morning. Bron answered civil with a face like a white cloud. big-narrow-windowed school building to the doors.

“The poor old lady is asleep these hours. “If he went to school in trews full of holes. Have you got something else?” “Decimals. but a lunatic?” “Well. “Oh.” Mama said. Multiplying. “that is what I would like.” Dada said. and left their door open a bit to hear the clock. now. and crayons. “What the world is coming to. “who is in charge of this decimal point?” “Who?” my father said. see. with big grey clouds hanging down between the tops of the mountains. I hope so.” my father said.” my mother said. and yellow smoke from the furnaces thick over there. Nothing to do with the National School. girl. “not for you to worry about the world. Morgan.” “O. now then.” “I wonder does she know about this decimal point?” my mother said. Tom. a compass. Tom Jenkins came up to give me a polish in sums. “Does it belong to somebody?” “Well. Because five is half of ten.” “The French.” “Sleep. a ruler.” my mother said. “bless your sweet face. is it? If I had known that. and a tin box full of food to swing in my hand. move the point up. and please to say how long will it take to fill the bath.” my father said. Beth. Mr. “Gwil. and she threw it back in twice as hard. “Not nonsense. now.” Mama said. “There is silly the sums are with them. “this thing Huw has got downstairs. a drawing pen.” my father said. Go now. we should hear about it.” my mother said. written and mental. indeed. Nothing so pretty as good pencils. “But whose is it?” my mother said. girl. girl. Decimal point makes fractions out of a whole. “there is silly. to soothe. My father and mother. and only the sound of clothes coming off and somebody late walking up the hill outside. before I will push you on the floor. I started off to school at a quarter to seven next morning with my pencil-box and books in a bag on my back. With Frenchies and old baths full of holes.” my father said. Figures. and then it could have blown me all the way down again.” “Filling the boy with old nonsense. as though a gate had been loosed.” “More of this again. will you?” “Well. “Those old Frenchies. And all so good you wished it had more trays again underneath. “and peace in my house. Beth. But an old bath can be so full with holes as a sieve and nobody taking notice.” my father said.” “Look you. for the sound of the word was like the name of an anthem. either. and I do think the feel of a long pencil in your fingers is as good to the taste as something to eat. We were doing very well. and laugh strong in his voice. the book would never have come inside the house.” my mother said. move up and down.” said my father. How long to fill? That is all.” “In a bath full of holes. “Decimal point. “not add a nought. “That old National School. The water pours in and takes so long. a box for nibs and drawing-pins. a one and a nought.” my mother said. what will come to the boy?” “A scholarship. add a nought. move the point. Beth. a dot on the paper. A problem for the mind. That is division. In bed that night I heard my mother come upstairs and speak to Angharad. “Why is a small boy allowed to know and I am such a fool?” “Beth.” said my father. and out went the lamp.” my mother said. “but he is strong in those. Or else it will be morning and us fit for Bedlam. and a mist dragging across the roof-tops. nothing else. Jenkins.” “Frenchie.” Mama said.” “But who would pour water in an old bath with holes?” my mother said. hell open and crack. my little one. another then. and be thankful.” “No. “there is an old beauty you are. I would like to know who found it out. “Look.” “But what is it?” my mother said. you say one point five.” “Decimals. “Who would think to do it. Dividing. and glad to blame someone. Like monkeys. How many gallons and how long. with dividers. and then my father came up with the lamp.” said Mrs. indeed. there are things for boys and things for girls.” said Dada. I think. I cannot tell you. Let us follow. “Multiply by ten. Ivor and Bron. The one is a whole one and nought is nothing. “It is to see if the boy can calculate. leave it.” Mama said. Why should it belong to somebody? It is a decimal point.” my father said. and put down his book to look at the ceiling. Who would be such a fool?” “A sum it is. and everybody quiet. The school I could . both.” “Go on with you. “a sum.” said my father. “What is the matter?” my father asked her. Good night. That night Mrs. “no more baths. quietly. Filling up an old bath with holes in it.” Minutes went. but most of the wind held back by the trees until I got to the top. Beth. How can an ink dot belong to somebody?” “Then who knows what is to be done with it?” my mother asked.” “Scholarship? Well. it is. “it can stop where it is. a couple of ivory angles.” my father said to Mrs. And the look on my mother’s face when the decimal point started his travels up and down the line was something to see. Beth. The town looked even worse than it had. and it fell out. Decimals. Instead of saying one and a half.” my father said. and flap went his braces on the cupboard door.” said Mama. “A sum.” “Go and scratch. Now you are wiser. “and decimal points. indeed. and Davy were all round the table listening.” my father said. anyhow. It pours out and takes so long. move the point down. devil fly off. Under that one. Beth. “and leave it now. for the love of God. and rolled the sock in a ball and threw it in the basket. no wonder. then. now. Up the mountain with a little rain to wet my face.and a blue.” “Hisht. when my mother put down the socks she was darning and clicked her tongue in impatience. up to the kind of sum when a bath is filling at the rate of so many gallons and two holes are letting the water out. pretending not to look. is it? Think of the old Queen with a Jubilee of worry to think about.

at the piano. and turned. “Ah. and then got down to go to his room. “Well. The bell was rung outside for some minutes.” he said. Motshill. with mouths like buttonholes. no harm in him. Give him the senior paper and see what he can do with it. Motshill stood until the last were almost gone. in a couple of keys. and Mr. But half-way there he seemed to remember me. Take your note. and the rocks in it black. He opened his eyes and looked up. and made a lovely show on top of the desk. a double bump. that sort of laugh that makes you want to take burning iron and put in their eyes. and very good. while the boys and girls rambled at will. Tyser always looked tired. by kicking first with the toe. that I hate to this day. “dismiss.” Big bump. Jenkins do if you were lazy and rude. A few boys were playing in the yard when I got there. very solemn. too. were you not?” “Yes. “this is Morgan. The same smell of chalk. School. A good little man. Miss Cash nodded too. “And my brothers and my sisters-in-law. “that Mrs. and then pushing with the shoulder. Motshill raising his voice at the start of each line to over-ride them and have them with him. with her fingers stretched and the little ones a bit crooked. Motshill opened doors.” he said.” I said. through another door. and James Herriot looked.” said Mr. indeed. and then we shall know exactly what to do with you. “Kindly use the English tongue in future. “Did you put this here?” I asked one of them. Motshill. And the river running grey with dirt. pictures.” “Sit there until I send for you. and I learned how Mr. Mr.” said Mr. and lined up with their backs to me.” he said. shaking rain from their coats and hats. Tyser. Tyser said. “Who has been teaching you before this?” “Mrs.” I sat and quickly got up to pull a bent pen-nib out of myself. Red as summer roses Mervyn Phillips looked at me. and I took out my pencils and books.” said Mr. and the children all said the prayer with him. one softer. and his first finger upright between his eyebrows.” I said. shutting his eyes on the downward bend. “Our Father. Tyser. “Let us pray. Sit here. and teachers began to come in. and no heart. one loud. and then sliding to find the note. Tyser asked. and quiet. and touched a couple of bass chords. and then put his hand to his face. “and here are my references. you. but most of them drawn and painted by scholars. but at wits’ end in dealing with noisy fools of boys. They were well in front at the end. “I will punch your head from your shoulders. Motshill and Miss Cash played any notes near her fingers. too. Motshill. What did Mrs. most of them making their own time. Ah. and a couple to laugh and dig the one next to them to turn round to me and laugh too. and I sat. “O. Morgan.” he said. Motshill. Tyser gave me the papers. “Let us lift our voices in a hymn. the classes marched out. “Come along. “What is it you want?” “To join school.” sang the boys and girls. and it was good indeed to see the pleasure in Mr.” sang Mr. sir. “Much better. and into a classroom. Morgan?” Mr. for I waltzed through.” “It is a great pity. The boys behind were looking blank at the blackboard. come along. Tom Jenkins. with surprise.” I said. with their arms folded. and a history and geography. Tyser. when he saw me. “Come along. Tyser’s face when he looked through them. with three long roofs of slate among all the houses.” he said. some painted. and one missed.” sang Mr. with some of his fingers round his jaw. I have already had to check him for using Welsh. Tom Jenkins was not invited to direct the education of some of these young ladies and gentlemen. but I waited until they had run down to the other end before I went in the door. and turned to nod his head to Miss Cash.” “Right. in English. not speaking because of the bell. “You will be given a paper by Mr. and pulled a face for every note wrong. “You were here yesterday. and a few trees near it. and nodding to one another. and lifted her hands to play. five men. “Speak English. and opening them coming up. “To your classrooms. “Rock of ages cleft for me.” Mr. no tone. “Yes. But no use.” I said. little bump. Morgan. and a milk wagon going to the station with all the churns grumbling together as they bumped on the cobbles.” “Yes. Tyser. some another. two women. only a few traps and wains out. in that voice of his.see easily. one religion. pious and with feeling. If they had put silk ribbons about those papers they could have done me no greater favour. in black. “You write a beautiful hand. Mr. The boys and girls came in by two and two. and as though he was hurting with goodness.” Mervyn Phillips whispered to me. then. So I went all round the hall to look at the pictures. and both the women old and thin. “or there will be trouble. Morgan?” . Mr. He stood looking at them for a moment. some of the boys to pull faces.” he said. but plenty turned to have a look at me. The streets were quiet.” he said.” he started.” “Ah.” I said.” said Mr. because he saw little.” Some lines turned one way.” said Mr. no depth. and the roll of honour with names in gold. one grammar and composition. “Mr. “what is it?” “I have come to join school. “Did you speak. all slow. Mr. and some had opened their eyes before he was at Glory be. one arithmetic. and all tramping hard on the floor and glad to make noise. with two notes sour. and everybody had a little laugh into their hands. but on a higher note like tragic poetry.” I said. The door opened.” “I will see you in the playground. Motshill came from his room to stand on the platform where one of the women was sitting by the piano.

” I said. I could see Mr. the worse becomes the sobbing. “No. then. and the more names you call yourself. “before I will empty red ink on you. It is hot. Gruffydd himself. and Mr. But soon comes a calm. and I knew how they had felt for it. ruler. and careful in closing again. all broken or chipped.” he said. “Shall I get my pencil-box and books?” I asked him. and a couple of scratched leather chairs with bow legs.” Outside I went. pens. for so I felt myself. I prayed to hold the tears. shifted a bit. and I went. until you are not sure whether your tears are in sorrow at what has happened to you. sob. but they were looking at me in that quiet that seems to stretch. and laughing going on all round you. nibs. when you know something has happened to concern you. “I will fight you all one by one. knock at the door. and all the time a happy fullness inside you that sometimes will make you put out your hand to touch it as though to bless. Tyser said. looking at nobody. kill. there. I dried the ink on the books and inside the box. indeed. “New brooms sweep clean. God bless the craftsmen who give their fellow men such feelings even out of pieces of wood. as though he were afraid for his life. and slow to let it pass into the hands of a buyer.” “No matter. and the two boys who had been sitting on the end gone now to sit in the desk in front. and in the darkness there is a torment to take flesh in the fingers and tear until the blood spurts. Tyser was standing in the door of Standard Six. or rage at yourself for being such a fool. you are so shamed that you feel sight should be taken from you. to kill. but not with tears. so that breath comes in jerks and with a low noise. or he would twist every word of it for you. and not looking up at all. too hot to keep inside. there is no more room inside for more feeling.” I said. “but nobody will be told about this. you will allow them to go free of punishment. There was no harm in that little box. “and when you come out.” “Thank you. for they feared I was going to tell. Trembling takes you. and pencils. I know well the feeling.” I said. And then the tears stop. if you will permit me to say so. and I could see his hands passing over its smoothness. and though you tremble still. and burns as it goes. To have pens. Solomon never felt for his storehouse as I felt for that little box.” said Mr. to strangle. and never ending. such is sweet pleasure. “I am afraid Morgan is too advanced for Standard Four. and Mr.” he said.” Mr. but so different. but that pattern was his kiss of love. I am. and dirty with grit from rolling on the floor. Sandy coming to ginger was Mr. “Thin about the legs. but not in comfort. to stab. looking at them with flicks of the eyes from side to side. sir. I tried hard to hold the tears. yet there you kneel. and it rises to the head. There is a terrible feeling when your head is in your arms and your knees sharp on the floor. sir. and inside to a bare room.” Mr. and you look at it before you start your work. a craftsman in wood had put love into his job for all men to see in that little pattern of grained woods on the lid and round the sides. A hundred years before. making the throat dry. Not a drop more would come if knives were put in you. Jonas for short in school. There was my desk. and if your sorrow is as great as your hurt. and reached across to snatch them away. Motshill saying to come. “and no dinner. and three men before me. feeling its weight. knock on the next door but one. Motshill. and him I saw with my heart falling inside me. and then Mr. and very kind. but not a cripple. for the box was made. and the sun looking his brightest through the window and alive on the desk top to show me why. You call yourself names.” Mr. “Come along. The pencils were all cut. I know well the feeling of murder. Tyser said. or to take a weapon and smash until strength has gone. and you first. and we went out. and turning over the pages in haste so that they were torn at the top. You live as one dead. “Standard Six. Tyser said. Hard it is to suffer through stupid people. with that look in them to warn you he had the tongue of a mountain adder. Morgan?” he asked. Jonas. and wet in the grooves of the box. but Mr. and all its riches in ruins. knowing well what my mother would say to my handkerchief. to pound.” he said to me.” I went in to Standard Four room and across to my desk.” “Show me the papers. So I picked up the broken trays and tried to fit them together. and the eyes fill. My pencil-box was in three pieces.” “Go now.” Down to Mr. and I cried for them. Take him to Mr.“The strap. Outside he put his hand on my shoulder and looked down at me. having joy from the look and feel of it. and sob. Motshill. and are afraid. “Mr. as different again.” “Come with me. And as I looked at my little box. to see them and feel them in your fingers ready to do anything you tell them. O. very pretty. They make you feel sorry for them. and passing it to his son. Motshill’s room. so good you feel with it. and the tools of writing all your own. Drawing pen. to have them in a little house fit for them as good friends of yours. and dirty. Motshill just come from sleep and tasting his mouth. Ink was on my books. For you open gently and take what you want. or to take a knife and plunge until the point blunts.” I said. “I will fight you all. and finding it little to his liking. “You are not a cripple. but the dear little box with scratches on the patterned lid and ink and grit all over it. Jonas. to pulp. and a cloud comes before your sight. Gruffydd’s grandfather having it. one by one I saw them bleeding their own blood with unjust wounds. kill. . Elijah Jonas-Sessions.” Mervyn Phillips said. and put them back in my bag and went to the door. but careless. Still they were laughing. to be careful in what you said. are you. and a note home. sob. Standard Six is the lowest possible standard. and a picture of the Queen as a young woman. There was no need for him to spend those hours.” “I am very glad. in a little bit of a voice. with a small crown and lace. And Mr. and for no good reason you want to cry. with grey light coming in on a table piled with papers and books. books on shelves and on the floor. “Get them by all means. talking to Mr. the more shame you feel. and small and pale in the eyes. for their eyes are the eyes of dogs that have done wrong and know it.

“Which boy started on you. “They would have killed you.” he said. and we all went out to the playground to eat what we had brought with us.” Ellis said. Morgan?” Mr. but I felt it all stop and the boys easing and standing away. but most of them tried to laugh more than the joke was worth to try and keep on the credit side of that tongue.” And as I passed he made a slap at my head but I ducked and went to my place in the fourth row where a boy had moved up for me. He cracked his whip above them.” I said.” he said to the boys. You must tell your mother that if you arrive in such a state to-morrow morning you will be sent home. If I catch you fighting anywhere near the boundaries of this school. “It was clean when I came from the house this morning. man.” Mr. will you?” he said.” said Mr. but always a hundred and more to one. “But your books are in a dreadful state. and big. and on the result we shall know whether we may live in the same room with him. They were simple to me. When I got home that night I went in Bron’s first. is it?” So every night.” said Ellis. Your dirty coal mining ways are not wanted here. and your hands are filthy.” From that moment I was the enemy of Mr. for there were too many boys about us and no room. and revise your conduct accordingly. Motshill was looking at me from a side window. Remember it. “Insolence will gain you nothing. and strong because of it. “These town boys are like little rats. Pity it is that a beautiful language should be at the mercy of such. the son of a coal merchant in the town.” “Right. and I told him so. then. “Have you been crying.” said Mr. I shall thrash you and expel you. I sat. I went with Ellis the Post round the long way home.” It was a good job for me that Ellis the Post was in the Square when I came from school. and he had one at me on the side of the head. with the hookers missing. and write ‘civilization is the highest aim of human kind’ one hundred times before you leave to-day. “Come you. for of course Ellis knew all that went on in and out of the Valley. Jonas with no smile. “Pay attention to what I say. and the others all round us. but that was later.” he said. I sat. As for you others. then. Jonas closed the door and came to stand in front of me.” “Say nothing. There shall be no ruffians in this school. You are the selfrespecting citizens of the future. “Perhaps he is used to taking his time. and pulled it from him. His voice passed over me like the voice of the wind at a school-treat. still smiling. but I looked. Morgan. or I would have been rolled in the mud. Bron was out and so was Ivor so I was spared to tell a second tale. making his words to sound more English than the English. but nothing would take the bruises from cheeks and eyes. But Mr. Mervyn Phillips pulled me by the arm. “or I will put a stick about you. “so we must all bend the knee. sometimes stopping to give them a letter or a parcel. “but I will wait for you every night by there. Dr.” I said. and a cut lip is a cut lip. Jonas told me you were inclined to the rougher style of living. There was a break at eleven o’clock. then.” “I said I would fight them. For nearly a year. and snapped the lash in rings on the ground while I climbed up on the driver’s seat. I sat. used to lifting sacks. for my mind was against him.“What a long time you took. Mr. Gruffydd and Davy had drilled me too well. and wave to people in the houses. He spoke English with pain. and greet people in the road. “Yes.” Mr. coming up and taking the reins. But it was not a fight we had. on the instant. What would have happened I cannot tell. It was like a bad scrum. and all he taught. and threw the book down to bend the corners. but then the weight of them pulled me down and there was nothing I could do in the press but guard my head from their boots. Lovely it was to sit behind Mari the mare. and pulling from my pocket my handkerchief all ink and dust. “but no matter. Jonas said. Four quadratic equations he gave me. “We will see about it. but never noticed. “Mr. “or my mother will be worried and more trouble.” he said. or a bit of news. “A model scholar. and smiling with his lips going back over his teeth to look as though he had nothing in his mouth but tongue. there. Elijah Jonas-Sessions. Tyser said. “Oh. Samuel Johnson would have had a word to say to him. and when I stood up against the wall. “I will make an example of him. but Mr.” I said. Why did they chase you?” “New boy. I had two good punches at him. on the road that ran round the mountain and followed the river. “The dirt is from that room in by there. I answered him nothing. Inside and sit down.” I said. “We have with us an intellectual giant. . and looking closely at the book. not another breath in me.” He was a head above me. Mr. Understand me. or petition the Commons for a special building.” “You will address me as sir. “never one to one. There was nothing he could teach me.” “What a dirty little sweep it is.” he said. If you are thinking of becoming a scholar at this school you will have to adopt a more civilized way of living. Jonas never lost his smile.” I said. outside the hotel where my mother had told me to wait for him. to wash my face and hands.” Plenty of the boys and some of the girls made no sign they had heard. As soon as I came from the door. Morgan?” he said. Tyser asked me. We shall now presume to test his knowledge in algebra. “kindly remember that you attend here to qualify for responsible positions in life.” And while he taught the others algebra. still looking at me and smiling as the boys and girls smiled with him.” he said. “Fight me. and breathe the smells of the mountain. except for a few times. Jonas.

in a big cup so that when your mouth is used to the heat you can drink instead of sipping. so Angharad took off the cloth and he held the lamp to see my face. “Now.” My father stood straight. “Now. only asking if I hurt.” So I was taught to fight.” I said. He has had enough for one day. look you here. So I was from the house when my father came back. and ran to put her arms about me. to give.” my mother said. Like this. with tears on the move.” “I only want a poultice. and brought it to the table. but not so far that I missed my mother’s voice. Is it?” “Yes. Are you willing to go back there to-morrow. but he shall have his first lesson to-night. and crying.” said my father. “How many fists made these marks? Your brothers were always in fights.” “Go to the doctor with him. back of his hand down. too. That night I learnt how to stand.” He was black from the colliery. “a good straight left is the bully’s downfall. and a couple of sweets from Angharad. boy?” Angharad said.” Then Bron came in and screamed. “Hisht. “From to-night you shall have a penny for every mark on your face. “I will tell him. but none of them said anything. “A couple of fair ones on his cheeks. him. This boy has never been taught to fight. Now come you out in the back. Dada. It is a man’s place to take punishment and give back more than he takes if there is a head on him. make up your mind to a hiding. now. so I was well off. not mountain. But I had sixpence from all of them. Come always for more. Let me see it with you. and a penny for every mark on your knuckles or on your fore-arms and body.” “A cup of tea you shall have. “Wait till I see your father. “No hurt. my little one.” I said.” “So long as he shall die with his blood in front of him. with his left foot pointing the way he was looking in line with his half-bent left arm. belly to floor and the white tip of his tail like a shooting star.” “Gwilym. A good friend of mine is a cup of tea. “come you here. and I went out in the back to give Owen’s engine a clean. Your money-box is richer this night by three shillings and sixpence. my son. my little one. “Now. and plenty of milk. “The best fighter is that one who will slip under a punch and give two in return.” I said.” “That National School will be far from there if I will have a bit of gunpowder. and went to the box. In a couple of days there will be nothing there. with his right foot pointing right. It is one thing to have a hiding.” Then Davy and Ivor came out to see. “Come you.” my father said. and the thumb closed over the fingers of the fist.” my father said. Then the back door opened. “leave him. “Not hurt I am. and to slip. and then Ianto. Good. Angharad. “Huw. I will go down now and strangle him. “stand like this. Dada. and took my hot face in her hands. But sometimes he will have to take a hiding in the first ten rounds to give a bigger hiding in the next ten.” he said.When I came in my mother put her hands to her face and looked at me with a scream in her eyes.” my mother said. and up and down on tip-toe. Thin. a shilling for a black eye. boy. two shillings for a broken nose. and moving his arms in a spar. indeed. You are growing to be a man. Go down to Bowen and ask him for a piece of steak with the blood in it. but not one of them had a face like this.” Out in the back. only touched.” my mother said. but always just below and between his eyes. looking closer and trying to feel. and wanting to touch but keeping his hands away.” “National School. Come for more. Another fight and he will be dead. ready and loose all over. and making plain the heat of blood under my skin.” he said. “I will lift my head. Too many call themselves boxers who are not even entitled to call . National Schools. only just you wait. easy. A boy shall learn to fight. That is lesson one from the book. “Huw.” “Shall I have tea first?” I asked her. only stiff.” my mother said. but there was nothing wrong except swelling.” my father said. but almost over the heart.” he said. but never beaten. “Good. and he looked at my nose and tried to feel if it was broken. Mama. Never be beaten. and his right arm bent across his chest with the fist not touching. “What have you done. a punch. “Hot water every half-hour. And come for more until you are giving the hiding. or let him put skirts about his knees.” I said. Huw. “who was it? Tell me and I will strangle him. “and hot and cold one after another. cool. head and eyes turned to the left. But if you must have a hiding. When Angharad came back with the steak. “One good black eye and half another. with her thumbs over my eyes. “the boy will have worse than that before he will lie in his piece of ground. “Fighting. “When you can do that. but nothing came from her mouth. yes. In I went after my father had finished his supper.” And down went the poker with a noise to send the cat from the house. Bron put it on and tied it in place with a cloth.” my father said.” she said. There is good a cup of tea is when you are feeling low. and got up. Go now.” said my mother. my son?” “Yes. Wait till his father sees him. girl.” “Wait till his father comes in. But when I have bathed I will look at your nose. then. and brown sugar in the crystal. you shall say you have started boxing.” said my father. “Are you hurting?” “I fell on the mountain. sixpence for a nose bleed. but no cuts except his lip. and held nearly on a level with his chin. and finish what you are doing. A hiding. but quite another to be beaten.” said my father. my father took off his coat and rolled his sleeves while Ianto and Davy pulled the engine away and Ivor cleared the floor. and nearly crying. We will see if the National Schools can beat a Morgan. my son. “but I would like a cup of tea first. Every part of you inside you that seems to have gone to sleep comes lively again. Have your hiding and learn from it.” my mother said.

“How did this pencil-box come home like this?” Mr. but laughing instead. Huw. Gruffydd. a left slipped. “Better to let Huw fight his own way. Gruffydd. and the boys trying to pull her head out. Gruffydd. “for fists are between man and man. but laughing instead. and poor Angharad still with her head stuck in the window. Not ours. Morgan. Is there a door or are you blind?” “I was looking through the window. I am just as able to go down there.” “Will twigs do any better?” asked my father. “Will you crack my skull.” “Good. with the lamp high to see.” He showed me by hitting at Ivor. “Property must not be broken like this without some action taken to stop it happening twice. and pulling on his pipe not to smile. Every time he comes in. and God help them if I did. “Mr. good for all men. “I asked you to take care of it. “There will be no signs when I have done with it. “and only kennel-sweepings could smash a little box like this. “When a man makes you take off your coat. Who was?” “Those who left their marks on him. but he will never teach them the sanctity of property. and off home. “you mend the box and I will mend the window. with golden tears unsteady in her eyes. but Angharad shook her head. Gruffydd. “Now then. and having one on the chin and one in the chest. making it worse. but how it moved there is no saying. Morgan.” said my mother. and a right cross. Gruffydd. and all. looking in where the window had been. Mr. big. now.” said Mr. Huw. I knew she was laughing. and round. then?” “Yes.” So poor Angharad was left with her head in the window. A right cross. “and burn the old place up. and with hair almost the colour of a new penny about her face and hanging down three feet. trying to cry. Mr. and she shouted because her head was fast in the small space and her hair falling about her. “Who is this?” Mr. “Angharad. but he got such a kick that he was limping all night with him. and your good right to his chin. with the light of the lamp throwing gold upon her.” Angharad said. but he cannot be taught to think. give him a couple more by following up. Huw had it in his care. nails. and I will.” “Let Huw answer. whoever they were. with stray ones shining like the strings of a harp across her eyes and down her cheeks.” I said.” I said. Mr. Dada. “I was out of the room when it was done. I would have punches all day.” said Mr. David Morgan?” “Too hard. screws.” Angharad said. and as it comes down. girl. Gruffydd smoothed the hair from her eyes and she looked up at him. Gruffydd is in the house.” my father said.” he said to me.” “Hisht. Gruffydd. Look you. Huw has had more for his punches than I have had for six weeks. my son. “There is strong you are.” Davy said.” I said.” my father said.” “Kennel-sweepings. “Only a girl would put her old head in such a little place. and putting the box on the table. the left to teach him. sir.” “Yes. “I will have the pincers after you. Mr. I am in a mind to cut myself a handful of twigs and go down there to-morrow and take the skin off their backs. your left to steady him. “Say if I hurt. “Well. indeed.” “Leave her there. “I wonder he had sense to bring it with him.” “Come you. When he goes back from the left. indeed. and trying hard to cry. young woman. Fists will teach you to fight better if you have heart and head. “there is nasty you are to me. and both so quick it puzzled the eye to see.” “I am going to mend the box. And that is why I am in a mind to go down there to-morrow morning. “and let her think over what she has said. He put down the lamp and took the bar above her neck in one hand. Gruffydd. “Far better than fists.” Outside in the back we went.” I said. but she looked as though she were crying. and then with one pull he tore the bar and the top of the frame clean out of its place. Gruffydd asked me. and feeling her neck. Like new.” I said. And on with your coat.” “Good. is a good lesson and very often the end of a fight.themselves fighters. Mr. “but I said I would fight all of them. But twigs and reason are the universal law.” he said.” said Mr. “Would I see anything through a door?” “Your nose will have you in the toils. only a little not to be ugly. make up your mind to teach him a lesson. These old boys can do what they like but we shall have nothing only hard words and take it from her pin money.” “It is our fight. I wish I had been born an old boy. Then bring the right to the space between the breast bones to bring his head down.” Angharad put her head in the window and Davy pretended to punch. properly given. then. Mr. Mr. not looking at Angharad. The vandal is taught physical fear by superior violence.” said Mr. “Huw can teach them he is better with his fists. and turning down her mouth.” my father said. Gruffydd said. sir. “That is to teach a lesson. and starting to laugh. Then Ivor and Davy showed a left. “Break the window and take it from her pin money. “some trouble with the Philistines.” said Mr. Gruffydd.” said my father.” my father said. Gruffydd asked.” Mr. like a little girl wanting to be carried. and a tremble in the chin. Gruffydd looked at her and I saw his face move. with lamps. Gruffydd.” said my father. But it is Huw’s fight. Mr. and your fists will teach other men to let you have your share of the road in peace. He was not to blame.” she shouted. “Thank you.” Angharad said. and Davy pinched her bottom as he passed. But twigs and a talk will teach you to think and live better. then. and her eyes gone lovely blue to call for pity.” “O. “It makes me sick in the heart to see it like this. He put his feet flat after making little moves to find the right hold.” “From the way he came home.” said Mr.” . Gruffydd. fool. trying to look through her hair. So they shall have their payment for it.

see.” I said.” Mr. indeed. That was another job altogether. still the smile in the eyes. But no matter. “do you think I would let a boy beat me? Look by there. “Go you. “I give you Her Britannic Majesty.” I said. too. boy?” “Yes.” said my father. Gruffydd looked down at her straight.” he said.” he said. “Now. Then Angharad called me to open the door. as though she had thought long before saying it. “You are a carpenter.” she said. and lettuce and cresses. Gruffydd said. “Shall I help you. “but if you have finished please to come to the house. and so did his father and grandfather. too. for there were little marks all over it that had never been there. Gruffydd. and put a spoon here.” In the house I went.” I said. Gruffydd. and all the time Mr. Give me the tray. and a dullness passed across her eyes. and a splice for the second tray. Gruffydd. “For school. “Fighting. About what. now. Small pieces of wood.” said we all. Gruffydd looked down at her head. “Is your face hurting now?” “I had forgotten. softer. Huw. and touched a cup to bring the handle to its proper place. Mr.” “Poured and waiting. and anxious not to think she had said it. and meant. she put a little handful of sweets on the chair by the bed. For wood is jealous of its age. and indeed I had.” A fine job of the window Mr. “Thank you. and made it white as a sheet again. and added them to the list of boys I had made sure to have at the end of my fists. for always I had wanted to make good furniture for the house. my son. “Thank you. but I knew nothing of it until I had finished and put the box in a clean place to look at it. and the beer went down beautiful. “Tea is good in its place. She was going to say more but she stopped and her smile went. Not one of the boys had a word to say to me on the second day at school. there was no need for any of it. quickly again. Gruffydd had made. and may her crown rest lightly.” she said. “You see what fighting brings you. sir?” I asked him. coming from the fire with the pan.” I said.” I said.” he said. and butter and milk cheese. and Dada says it is cold from the jar and good enough to drink to the Queen in. but now as a mother will look at her child that cries in the arms of another woman. “Far better to behave yourself. and she stood to put some plates in place that had slipped. Gruffydd knew.” I saw her face as she bent to blow out the candle with her mouth in the shape of a kiss. I was a picture. Indeed.” said my mother. and laver bread. and should never have been there. Angharad came upstairs to put the last of the hot and cold water poultice on my face. “There is strong that old lamp is. “Good night. Mr. when I had finished there was nothing to show that the little box had come to harm.” said Mr. and my father coming to take the tray from him. so small they were hard to see. “and eat plenty. “You shall say that when I have made the furniture for my new house. boy. and all the time Mr. “No. This my wife made. but a dullness of light. with joins you could see only if you knew where to look. “Nothing. bed. for there was a smile in her eyes and heat in her face and her breath was quick but quiet. and when she had finished.” Mr. “Good. “No one if not you. for quite a long time. and quick to make a new-comer feel its place. Gruffydd. Gentlemen. but quickly. and gave good night to them all. and looked up at Mr. our Royal mother. and the scratches I filled in with splinters of the same colour as the woods in the pattern. “If he does. the marks of little wounds that would never heal. and with more of want. and a fork there. wait you. and the salt pot over between the milk-jug and teapot. in surprise. and looking down at me but not seeing me. And if you will have beer instead of tea. Huw. Am I to expect a visit from your parents?” .” “Yes. and then she blinked and pretended it was the lamp and put her hand to her eyes and turned away. Victoria. and Mr.” I said. because he knew.” “Many a floor I have scrubbed. yellow and blue with bruises. and my box was together again. indeed. and came in with tea. “Mama said to eat while you are working.” “Victoria. supper. but still chipped on the outside and scratched on the lid. It is late. Gruffydd had been watching. Mr. A new screw for the pivot. “Did you finish the window?” “Well. “There is a carpenter you are. every bit as good as Clydach Howell the millwright could have done. indeed. and the nails and screws gone to nowhere but still there. and Mr. and swollen about the eyes and nose. too.” she said.Sandpaper took the ink stains from the bare white wood on the inside of the box. I put in all the chips. but only with hard rubbing and patience at the corners. “They will have you scrubbing a floor in a minute. Huw. But I knew. then. and you will never taste better in your life. Huw. “and in the house. Motshill stopped me after prayers and the hymn and asked me where I had the injury. but a good swallow of beer is good. “Now then. will you tell me. and then looked at him and found him sitting on the bench and smiling.” “I will drink to the Queen. Gruffydd behind. or even thought it. “Did I hear we were going to drink the health of the Queen. though they looked at me with their hands over their mouths not to laugh.” she said. I made sure of the boys who laughed. Mama. Gruffydd ever said anything to you about me?” she asked me. there is plenty. Gruffydd lifted the load from Angharad. and she looked. not a dullness of darkness. Gruffydd. then?” “No matter.” she said.” he said. and I knew. “What next?” he said.” “Up high.” I said.” said Mr. a cup full. “Has Mr. sir.” I said. smiling.” said Mr.” she said.

in his English that was too English. Morgan. I shall endeavour to do my utmost with you. only trying to keep his fathers from fighting for what was their own. and made him vicious.” I said.” Then he started to teach history. And the day we had it out I remember well. Mr. even from a harsh man.” “Oh. and Goths broke their hearts. just after Dilys Pritchard died. Nothing that was of Wales or the Welsh was any good or had any goodness in his eyes. “it is crying. and it hurt to think that a boy would not have him at his value of himself.” he said.” he said.” “Thank you. and he was willing to forget that Rome broke its back. I want you to win a scholarship to Oxford University. and so hard he tried to cover it. “I am here to help you. who sired an English aristocracy. Mr. I wonder. Elijah Jonas-Sessions was ashamed. “Surprise on surprise.” I said. I shudder to think of your kind growing up. But there it is. you insolent little blackguard. “Perhaps that hammering will teach you that your ways are not ours. sir. so his self pride troubled him. it was only as a place where Nero burnt Christians. “Evidently its mother took my message to heart. and down went my heart inside me again.” he said. and winked his eyes over my head. Danes. “Remember this. for it was the day of my first fight. helped by a stick. so ashamed he was of it.” He came to stand near me. and Vikings.” I took out my handkerchief. I think he took a hatred for me because he felt that I distrusted him. brings tears to the eyes. and took off his glasses to give them a polish. and if his fathers failed it was not because their fighting spirit had gone from them. and I sat.” he said. And keep your eyes off me.” he said. and their women could not bear males enough to fill the ranks. Of such. “If you feel unwell during the day. . the science of history had a gap between the Acts of the Apostles and the Domesday Book.” Why is it that kindness. and put his hand on my shoulder. You have it within your power. He tried to forget that his fathers laboured with the sword through centuries to keep Roman feet off their roads. go over to Mrs. That Norman bastard. Motshill at the school house and lie down. upon my soul. “Let me see your nose-rag. If he remembered Rome. Be warned. Elijah Jonas-Sessions. For him. Remember that. But his greatest trouble was his Welsh blood. and look me up and down. but because the flower of them had fallen in battle. “Well. Jonas saw me trying to wipe my eyes and on went the smile. There is no wonder that civilized men look down upon Welshmen as savages. was godfather to Mr. while I looked at him. When I went in Standard Six room. for he liked to think he was much bigger than he was. But your fists will only hinder you. who skinned the snout on the good sands of the south. “My father said it was my fight. However.“No. and work hard. even in his teachings.

Gruffydd in his voice that was the voice of a man. come. “let us cleanse ourselves. A beast. These people did the jobs that colliers would never do. and breath was grey about them. Gruffydd. and below each torch. so they lived. They were a living disgust. too. Open. Up to those three rows of hovels went Mr. He told them that the time had come when their women were no longer safe to go their ways in peace. .” “Go you.” said Mr. almost elbow to elbow. but no answer.” Mr. My father and my brothers were there in amongst the crowd of two or three hundred. and all of them quiet and not speaking. “Amen. down toward the village Mr. and no sound but the march of men and the voice of justice. and the Chapel bell was ringing. It was a bad night for the public houses. and knocked upon the first door. Will you laugh if I talk to you of the Evil One? Will you smile if I mention the name of Satan? Then let me show you the body of a child. pretty little thing she was. and their voices breathed a deep note. Gruffydd said. whichever way the torch flames blew. Gruffydd and twenty men went into the first public house and warned the landlord to serve no spirits for a week.” said Mr. But they had to suffer. Gruffydd led us. opened and let out a head. until they moved to show the flash of whites. and their voices flung the anthem before them. but at the talons of a beast. but these people were long past such good feeling. Gruffydd went inside with my father and Rhys Howells. Then Mr. Irish. with the cold winds of night about us. and quiet in the voice. most of them. and the only window in all the house. “The Vigilants. and Mr. for the night was going to frost.” Down from the rock and out in front of the crowd. Again and again Mr. The boots of the men beat time upon the ground. Shadows of men leapt up the sides of the mountain. not us. so that none could go in or out. only big enough to let out a head. and the knocking flew about in an echo trying to find a place of rest. that streamed flame like the blown hair of a running fury.” I went with the men to trim the torches and carry the oil with other boys. They were good men in themselves. They knew it would only take a match to put them in the street with nothing. where even beasts would rebel if put there to live. as He did with the Gadarene swine. striking up a hymn as he went. and shadowy pink. men’s faces were pale. and a couple of moments later they came out pushing three men before them. Are we decided? Are we in one mind?” “Yes.” said the crowd. and to serve beer only to gangers in charge of five or more men. Gruffydd. and all round the three rows of houses where the half-breed Welsh. Their houses were bestial sties. Into the village we went and everything quiet.” my father said. and finger-tips were happy only deep in the pocket. Perhaps I shall see your heads flung back in guffaws.” said my mother. who will kill your children and go their ways unpunished. The torches made a ragged ring about the houses. they carried slag and muck. noble of depth and beauty. for nobody was in them. and the slates of the roofs were showing something of silver. “Then. and the blaze of torches lit their bearded faces and struck sparks from their eyes.” the woman screamed. “nothing to do with us. or were flung against the walls of the houses.” said we all. and they suffered with silence. and indeed the landlords were not to blame. Mr. Gruffydd had them on the side of the mountain ready to go down into the village just after dark. Gruffydd knocked. “but we will have him if we have to move the mountain. and thin with fright. none to any woman. and the flames of torches to light us. “no harm shall come to the innocent.” “Open your door. my father came in. “working with you shoulder to shoulder. for beasts have clean ways with them and they will show their disgust quick enough. torn by murderous claws. and in a moment the door was opened. “She is dead. but they had to make a living. Such beasts you shall exorcise. “Who is it?” in a woman’s voice. Then to the second and to the third. doors shut.” Mr. The mountain went up black into the night on all sides of us. and the flames of their property to warm them. they acted as scavengers. They will make of your community a morass of corruption. and now. While I was having my tea. for the colliery had closed early for the men to be home and start the search for the swine in the form of man. For a pittance. and they were allowed to live and breed because the owners would not spend money on plant when their services were to be had so much the cheaper. And beasts of that sort are the sons of Satan. Up to the rows of houses where the dross of the collieries lives. and at last a window.” he shouted. and down in the village the shops were shut. listening to Mr. and when I came from school the people were out in the street on the Hill. They lived. “Beasts live among you. no lights. in tears. Gruffydd said. Out on the mountain we were. and the torches moved as the men quickened all about. and as they worked. “Poor. the men took a stand. and English were living. no people. Even their children were put to work at eight and nine years of age so that more money could come into the house. That day a little girl had been savaged on the mountain.” Back went the head. and his voice rolled into the night and about the mountain. after the men had just had time to bathe and eat. “Not us.Chapter Seventeen “I AM THE RESURRECTION and the Life. This little soul met her death not at the hands of a man. and their eyes deep holes. Gruffydd before we went through the village to clear dross and uselessness from the Valley. only to drink. Around each public house.

for she left a message to you in the body of the beast itself. looking down at swine. their wages. with nails chewed to make you turn your eyes from him. Gruffydd. from the back of the crowd. Into house after house Mr. Look well for his clothes and his cap.” With them all it was the same. “Which level?” asked Mr. and the work-shys we were after. and the women told to keep inside with the children. and pointed to the place where an old shaft had been sunk and closed up again. Gruffydd asked the crowd. Gruffydd asked him. and showed his thinness through gapes at elbow and knee. Quiet. their jobs. “and bring the women here. black with dirt and dried hard with blood. “He shall be fed and housed until the day he meets the rope.” said Mr.” Rhys Howells said to them. and his eyes gone red with fear. Mr. quick and clean. quiet and without edge. Evan put a flannel shirt. Gruffydd. and nobody looking at swine crying on his knees. long in her grave?” “No. “No business of yours. “Third was closed to-day. Tall. and now with no more trouble. Gruffydd. and fell about him. Evan Thomas. “Did you have an injury to-day?” Mr. had blood on them. “Go down to his house. all of them quiet and in fear. and with sick spots. rocking on his heels. and looking from side to side without moving his head. on the rock in front of Mr. he will die a death of honour.” said swine. and fell to his knees. “Day or night shift?” Mr. What then?” “Give him to me.” said Mr.” “No. and the tiny sounds that come from many men who wait with breath held tight.” said Cynlais Pritchard.” “No pony was blooded to-day or yesterday. and Sion Prosser had an armful of clothes each.” said Mr. white in the face.” he shouted.” said swine.” “No. after a wait. and when they pulled away his trews. some Scotch. and some Irish.” they all shouted back.” he said. without torture of the soul and body. and a waistcoat. “and it smells. “I am here. Gruffydd.” said Mr. and men moved up to guard them. and all talking and taking big breaths to ease themselves. and a pair of trews. Gruffydd. and stood forward with his three sons.” Silence. and Cynlais Pritchard trying to hold his tears with eyes shut blind. For if they were on the day shift they could not have been on the mountain to meet the little girl. Quiet again. except for the whisper of the torches.” said the crowd. Not me. Open your clothes. Gruffydd. but your daughter will lie beneath the dead wreaths long before then. and pulled it in halves from him. and his voice gone from him in the silence.” Rhys Howells said. without blood. and spittle fell from his mouth. and his eyes went to Mr. Gruffydd. it was. and small blame we can put to her. Gruffydd asked him. Rhys Howells and Tom Davies went to him and took a piece of the coat on his back each. Naked.” said Cynlais Pritchard. “Days and days ago. you walk behind her to-morrow because a beast put his claws upon her as she walked the mountain. and his victim. “Where is the father?” asked Mr. Gruffydd.“Get you over there. . Gruffydd. which your daughter was denied. It was the nightshifters. And as he screamed they tore away the rags which covered him under the coat. for martyrs died in the flame. All the men were brought out. Then he stood still. and his nostrils wide. Is justice done.” said Mr. “A pony it was. and on the cap it was yet damp. Open your clothes to show your chest. Gruffydd went. “Third. then. Gruffydd.” whispered swine. So we came to Idris Atkinson.” But men were on their way down at a run. “In her finger nails were pieces of flesh. their names. without pain. he clawed at the ground and the screams tired his throat. with quiet. and folded his arms. And you wore these clothes to-day. with his blunt and twisted hands restless about his clothes that were polished stiff with grease and coal-dust. and fists digging into his thighs. Gruffydd came to take his place upon the rock. “But if we do. to the ground. long in the hair and restless with his hands. When the last was under guard. a coat.” he said. “But the blood is fresh. All the other clothes. “Now.” said swine. looking up at Mr. and all the time he screamed. standing now. “Your daughter has gone from you. “So her spirit left its mark. Deep scratches covered his chest like thick ruled pencil lines. and some inter-breed Welsh. and shaking. Into the hole they went. blood was on him. and looking round toward the house. “Is that your common decision?” Mr. “Instead to see her grow to womanhood and have joy in your grandchildren. Gruffydd. I never done it. for doors were opening before he had to knock. and which shift they were on that day. “let the men be brought one by one for questioning. Swine looked about him with his mouth open. Your daughter was not of an age to be forward. in a woman’s voice. “Shall we burn him?” asked Mr. “Which level?” asked Mr. “To hand her murderer over to the police will give him an extra day to live. and men running back to us. with all of us about him in a ring. with a rope about the neck of a man. in the same voice. “Day. a child of seven years. Gruffydd.” he said. looking up at the mountain. torn and twisted.” “Nothing there. and put his hands about him. and the rope gives a good death. First. and he sobbed. and thin beyond his length. Then a shout from down there. the ostler. One by one they came and went. “Yes.” screamed swine. “No.” said Llewelyn John. “Nobody in the house. some English.

in his wheelwright’s shop. but most went on before. and with it a deep note from the crowd. But I let Clydach take it to the house. and we all knew without the telling that they would have him up where they had found the girl in her blood. and nails and screws where they are not to be seen. but Mr. sweat about the neckband. and a silver chain hanging on it. for I was never easy with small children. Gruffydd gathered a handful of earth to throw in. and the children with me were crying and crying with none to take notice of them except me. Women were fainting and men carrying them to the sides to slap the backs of their hands and fan them. Now the leaders were going over the edge up there and passing from sight. Cynlais and his wife and sons. “Lord God. if next there is. Inside the house no other sound but the long indrawn breathing and choking dolour of women long in tears. and boots that were pinching were eased off. “Let us pray. but nobody knew what he wanted. But I thought of Marged. and families were all down in the house when I took Mr. you pollute innocent ground.“Take him. A policeman with a silver spike in his helmet. but nobody stood. When we got outside. Amen. so he went off again. and learnt a lot from him in the matter of putting joins instead of nails and screws. were coming to mean more than the feelings brought forth by that which filled the little white coffin. when I gave him the books. Gruffydd started to read. It stopped. Up and up. Pritchard let Mrs. too. and the lines of black that now were breaking into threes and fours. I have never been one for a funeral. and many looked up at the black patch among the browns and greens of the mountain side. though not too fast.” “Amen. so be it. “and as we do with him. came to the Valley next day. Some. walking behind the lift and fall. lift and fall. All the people in front of the house were in their best. not to the eyes. but when we went round the back to go in. with spaces coming wider. A blister on the heel. So good was the job when it was done. The houses of the Hill hid us from it as we went up. one hymn going into another. and weeping with eyes that are puffed to red soreness. Pritchard had to be held down by her husband and sons when Mr. or say anything. and their married daughters. Gruffydd’s books down to him. Then Mr. then. So we stood. making the little coffin from the white heart of an old oak. and speaking as though he had been quiet for a long time. Burden not the earth with such. up and up. were making themselves known. my son. It went slowly to the right until it came to the briars beside the path that went up to the farm. stretching all the way down the street. dark against the deep blue of the sky. we are weak men. As they waited they spoke of the night before. The hymn rose up in majesty. excepting only those who were bed-ridden and those who looked after them. all singing. of the little white coffin and the bowler hats about it. down to the field.” he said. the people had formed up two by two. a strong light was burning. and the screams passed. and I will answer that we did right. and so cried with them. as though they had fired the grass up there. and Mr. and faster because we were going down. if you bury him. and nobody could be found to answer his questions. I watched Clydach Howell. they started for home in quiet. Gruffydd. watching for the light of the torch to appear above them on the mountain. Pritchard and his family went to stand close by where the carriers had put it to rest on the mound of gravel. and the women were all upstairs sitting about the body in its coffin. Mr. If we have done wrong to-night. and the mountain was black. In Christ’s Holy Name. ready to walk in the funeral procession up to the graveyard over the mountain. and would have thrown herself in but . and tried to make the small ones stop their tears. Mrs. with the sun dancing upon the brass ornaments and making the whiteness sing. with another hymn to light the way. Then up with the coffin again. and on. and throats thick with hours of wailing. and the others helped their father to take swine from there. Handkerchiefs were busy again among the lines of black as Mr. The children were in the kitchen.” said Mr. and I could do nothing for them. Pritchard go to the edge and throw in some flowers and earth. I will face Thy wrath at the Bar. and their husbands. I helped to quilt silk for the lining and tap studs in the shape of flowers all round the edge to keep it in place. And remember. so shall we do with the next.” One son took a torch. There they had found the girl. but to foreheads and the backs of necks. the men were in the front. and went in fear to bed. but easier and with more of relief. Gruffydd was in the front with the men. a wrinkle in the stocking. Then we stopped for the bearers of the coffin to have a rest. and all about and around his voice were the sounds of weeping. and when Mr. and the light got smaller as they climbed. Over the other side. and coats came off and cloaks were folded. Pritchard came in to me and gave me a sign with the thumb to bring the children from the house. Gruffydd. Gruffydd signed to the men to put the coffin down the hole. then the carriers were up there. however deep. I felt it a shame to put it in the ground.” said Mr. and in the smoothness of the flame I thought I saw the movements of men. saying nothing. and white handkerchiefs were alive in the long untidy lines of black as the procession slowly went through the village and up for all in the Valley were in the procession. friends of the family. Gruffydd got down. and presently they were over a shoulder of the hill and out of sight. and handkerchiefs went. and on that spot he would suffer. The spark appeared. and the echo getting less and less as we neared the top and came free of trees. and she screamed herself red as all the people came near to pass by and look at it down there at the bottom. and went out. Then the women came downstairs. All the morning. “Thank you. but they could hear their mothers crying. and the men who were tending fires down at the colliery. “Go you in the kitchen and bring the children up. those little jewels that stud the action of living. were walking behind the coffin. The everyday things. sitting stiff in their best. and the coffin was brought down. slowly we went. as men went to help women. At last the people had stopped coming and Mr. and the voices of many men calling out to affirm the truth of his words. Everybody made a big ring about the hole where they were going to bury the coffin. Unto each his just reward. that had been made into a graveyard. and the slope got more and more. will you?” So out in the kitchen I went.” said the crowd.

said the Lord. but when they were called in they tapped their pipes against the walls and sat where Mrs.” He was leaning back. Pritchard said. never stopping. and we were long in front of the first when we got back to the Pritchard house. “Thank you. Though I did no work in school I did plenty at night. and to those outside who could not have places in. done. Nothing so pretty I have seen in my days. Gruffydd? Say. near to the table where Mr. As soon as she came in the food was set out and the tables were laid. “But a beautiful funeral. for nothing I could say would be the truth. looking through the window.” he said. “I cannot tell you.” “I will see you safe in for one. He told them to put up their swords.” Mr. or as a visitation.” said Mr. with a stick at his teeth. I could hear nothing of Mr.” “Hear that. Four houses had opened their doors for the funeral tea.” Mr. I cannot answer you. why your little girl and not you? No. Not good. for she worked with the best.” Mr. Gruffydd said.” Quiet came. with the food all coming from the back of Mrs.” “If I will go as that little one did to-day. and in every house rooms were full of people eating and drinking. Then a hymn. not in lines now. is not the time or the place. uncertain in time and tone. Evans said. “there is no waiting for children. “I will be glad to do it for you. Pritchard. Pritchard. Gruffydd said. Gruffydd. Evans the Colliery said. and her husband lifted her like a baby and carried her away.” said Mr. But why did He die in only that way? It was ordained? Then dare we say that Dilys was ordained to die as she did?” “But why not me?” Mr. She was happy enough here with us. Pritchard’s.” Rhys said. That is all. and all argument is useless. and my father winked me from the house and I went home to my lessons.” “Thank you. We go forward in faith.she was held tight and pulled back. Pritchard went forward. Now. and the other men clearing their throats. not like a birthday. but in quiet. and always at the top here to meet me. indeed. Mr. and it rattled and bumped on the wood. one day.” Mr. I hope. Gruffydd?” Mr. Pritchard. all. I had mine in the corner of Mrs. it was indeed. “What can be done to that end. “let me call a meeting for to-morrow night. but when they started to shout they were hushed by men who turned round with frowns and fists. and bringing the room to quiet. Why did He die in that way when He could have chosen any? To save us. Pritchard. and is not in us. She shall be heard of for long to come.” Mr. “No man can tell you. man. “that is a comfort to me. and Mrs. Mr. and carried by the girls and some of the boys to us. I was slower at first for the children wanted to play as soon as we were outside. and his voice deep and full of sorrow. Pritchard’s arm. Mr. my little one. “I suppose so. But this you shall make clear in your minds.” said Mr. Mr. Owen the Mill said. But not much. Mr. He said nothing about waiting. and the first to notice what wanted doing. Nobody spoke for a long time. “Sad. and putting out a hand to touch Mr. Beautiful. “And no danger. white in the face. “Do you think she saw it. Mr. and when men would have fought for Him. and in this house.” “Glad I am. and their children holding their skirts and wild with crying. I was ready to go in her place. I wonder?” “Who can read the mind of the Lord?” Mr. “Yes. then. and I will do all I can. The truth is beyond us. and with friends. But He was crucified. Pritchard.” said Mr. and the burial was over. She used to bring down my box to the colliery every dinner time so happy as a bird in the sky. “I will go to-morrow.” Clydach said. so pleased he was.” “Nobody can tell why the Son of Man had to go. So we found our own way up and over. Pritchard. and now. except one little boy by me who had cried himself out. Gruffydd and Mr. All the Pritchard women were shouting crying with their men holding them. indeed. or had not been done properly. That little soul has not gone from us for nothing. Come unto me. I could say she was taken as a punishment. my little one. indeed it is. He allowed a rabble to crucify Him. We went home faster than we had come and not so tidily.” “First. and Mr. Gruffydd? Is she in heaven yet. And that will be years. “She was taken. or is she waiting for her turn to come?” “In heaven.” Rhys Howells said. Gruffydd’s prayer for his voice was low. but they were busy with the knife and fork and women were in and out with the tea.” said all the men. and going a bit red. Gruffydd. But what have you done? Or your good wife? And if you were to be punished. “He was Prince of Light. and suffer the little children to come unto me. Tom Jenkins or Davy or Ianto were always ready .” “Amen. Mr. “But why she had to go there is no telling. Pritchard pointed to put them.” said Clydach. and no sign of tears then.” said Mr. He could have ruled the world. and going to their cups for tea to drink. and looking at his plate. who looked better. with two small Pritchard boys. More and more came. and then Mrs. As soon as the first women got there they took off their coats and cloaks and rolled their sleeves to get out plates and boil water for the tea. We can only have faith in God. Pritchard and the chief people were having theirs. we know. Mrs. “Why is it. and stood with his hands in his pockets and his mouth turned down. and the setting and laying seemed to take her out of herself. but still quick to cry if the wrong word was said or the wrong look given. Pritchard asked. “I wish she could have seen it. “I have had my life. with nothing in his eyes but tiredness. Men came from behind me with shovels and threw in the hard earth. and tears coming.” “Yes. with people going up the shortest way. Gruffydd. Pritchard’s front room. Rhys. indeed. But it is very hard. early shift. and resolve that the things which made her death possible shall be swept away. Pritchard smiled a bit about the table as though happier to think so. Pritchard. and the sounds of weeping covered it. and trembling in the voice. Why. but I have done my best. The men were all smoking out in the street in front. Clydach Howell made a lovely job of that coffin.” “I have no answer for you. “Sad.” And everybody nodded. not to look at him. but in families. Gruffydd said. and with that sound.

Huw. but tidy in the chest and big in the shoulder. and always half closed to show the big thumb joints.” Ianto said. I am not. and Ianto was painting a big sign for a meeting when I went in.” “Go on back to London. they will go where we think.” Ianto said.” “Well. to meet in Jones the Chapel’s field at six o’clock the next night. He was not much taller than me.to help. and long in the arm.” I said. as we went back. “Yes. A graveyard haunter. If there is one place more ugly or sour to the taste than a graveyard. of course. Cyfartha Lewis was younger. boy.” Isaac Wynn called out after us. That is why I like Jones the Chapel’s field better. and in the welfare of their dependants. and a Marquis had asked him to go to Oxford to teach the students to fight. it is good in its place. to reach a decision against the operation of the sliding scale as a basis of the weekly wages.” Ianto carried the sign and I the tool box. A crowd of men gathered round us as we finished the nailing. “Come you. “but I was angry with that old fool. when you want to know something which only a few words would give to you. Worshippers of death and the rites of burial. “You are always pulling the men this way and that. and to that we nailed the notice.” “I will walk to Town and back before I will go in any graveyard. rough but gentle men.” “The only part of the funeral they have got any interest in is the tea.” “Strip off. But his eyes were bright as a blackbird’s. “I thought so. looked at the notice and clicked his tongue.” Davy said. read out for those who could not.” Davy said. That is my right.” Wyn said. and those who could read. You will learn in time to come. and in return I wrote letters for them. “Good. “so long as it will come with more wages. If you are content to see what should be going into your pocket falling into the pockets of landlords. well known to be champion in his weight at the pit head. That is your right. “Not laziness.” Isaac Wynn shouted. So not many had a word for him. and you are denied to have them.” “How do whores get our money?” I asked Ianto. “Children eat from wages. No use to give them respect. in surprise.” So back we went home. Laziness. sense. down to the village and outside the Three Bells where there was an old stump of a tree. “Nobody could be buried without him at the funeral.” “You are too lazy to walk over the mountain. Davy. and they used to come back home in time for the morning shift on Monday. Dai. and Jews.” said Dai. Human crows. I will have less respect and gladly. indeed. and smiled to show one tooth to the side of his mouth. Davy was working in our front.” Ianto said.” Davy said. “Will you have the poor little girl put in the cess?” “Let a flame have her. . And I will stay here to say so. “get a hammer and nails from the back. “I asked him to come up and see if he could do something with you.” “If I can have more wages. You are too young for such things. Ianto and Davy had plenty of work of their own now. I hope my senses will never be burdened to see it. And the quicker and cleaner. and thus the status quo. You will have a lot more respect from a lot of people. They stink in the nostrils. and making a little move with his hands. “Dust to dust.” Ianto shouted back. going to Chapel was not one. a couple not generally looked up to. “You know Huw. him. for the Union was growing day by day and Ellis the Post was outside our house morning and night with big bundles of Post for them.” Dai said. and Isaac Wynn. Huw.” “I will tell that to the owners. “Tears out and tea in.” Ianto said. A lot of them coming from the funeral stopped too. They said he had fought more than a thousand fights. and I will never question it. a deacon. and to come in force.” said Ianto. And if you think I am wrong. “Dai is going to give you lessons in the art of boxing. “Leave your silly notions with them up there. As for Chapel. His face was covered with little punch cuts. and let us work. “the old man is only showing his respect for the dead. all dyed blue with coal dust. that heating. in his high little voice. It asked for all men interested in their own. now. and without good feeling. “for that is where your proper wages are spent. Not one funeral missed in twenty years. “Was Jones Pentre Bach there?” he asked. “When are you Morgan boys going to mind your own business?” he said to Ianto. “How was the funeral?” Davy asked me. and Angharad to stick them down. Such people make me sick. and on the backs of whores. with the knuckles. but they would always stop to give me help.” Ianto said.” I said.” “Yes. Instead of going to Chapel he and Dai were off to Town on Saturdays to fight at night. “I am sorry I had to use the word in front of you. stand to speak against me. and me with that empty feeling. Good night to you. boy. and put his arm about my shoulder. We are going to have this up before dark.” Wyn said. and angry. And as for our noses. and landed in jail. but broad as six.” “Retribution shall come to you. the better. But it was certain that whatever they did on Sunday. for Dai Bando and Cyfartha Lewis were prizefighters. “It is not respect to go crawling after every coffin you can find. but it is not a place I like because there are too many of your sort in it. Quiet. and to convene a committee to present that decision to the owners. then?” Angharad asked. Up at the house Davy was talking to a couple of men in the back. with heat and contempt equal. and his eyes were almost closed by skin which had been cut and healed time and time again.” said Davy.” “What will you have. but he had got drunk in London and put a couple of police in hospital. “Very good. that were bumpy and in funny shapes with him. What right have you got to stand and speak to us? Let us see you more at Chapel and less at Jones the Chapel’s field. with Wyn to fold the letters as he finished. taller. and a surprise to find near our house. indeed. “That is your excuse. and bankers.” “Respect?” Davy said. Graveyards.” “Huw. I will speak to you of a wrong as long as you will stand to listen. empty feeling that rouses anger in you.

with the punches to counter. more in the forearm. and shouting in the wind. with night all about him and cold pricking his skin to little pimples as his shirt came from him and he pulled at his trews.” said Dai. “And nothing only water before he comes up. “Half-past four at the top here. as my mother did with a chicken for the pot. Run to school and put fat and muscle on your legs. His shoulders had great fat fingers of muscle leading down to the tops of his arms like opening a fan. Dai and Cyfartha came from the lee of the last house. and he stands well. Cyfartha?” “I have seen many a one worse. but only a whisper coming.” “Go on. His skin was pinkish with cold.” said Dai. “Go on. and Dai looked and pinched.” Dai said.” Dai said.” Dai ordered.” said Davy. and behind his shoulders. six squares. “Sit up and lie back. and the boys and men with them were all the same. “Nothing to buy a stamp for.” said Cyfartha. nothing else. Dai. with a little yellow light. until never mind the cold.” Dai said. and slipping them. In the coming of the morning Dai Bando was a man to fear. with a look I thought was disgust. I will never forget Dai Bando in that grey light. over here.” Dai said. and cold to make your teeth chop. and riding them.” “To hell. “there is plenty in you.” For minutes we all danced about there slapping the cold out of us. there is a shocking night it was. covered with the crystals of frozen dew and sparkling lovely. “Now pair off. with two great cords going down on each side of his backbone. more in the back. eh. “More in the shoulder. well satisfied. and straight left one. “Good. stood out so that you could have rattled a stick over them. no hands. “get the blood going with you. Then Dai made me come in close and hit him on those muscles of his in the belly with half-arm blows to strengthen my punching muscles at the back. indeed. in to Pericles and John Stuart Mill. you.” Cyfartha said. and hot as hot. indeed. Eh.So I took off my shirt to the waist. and ducking. “but he uses his shoulders. both of them black lumps. bringing tears to the eyes. Huw. boy. and hopping and jumping about like mad flies. Twenty pound solid it cost me to have my hands right. “His legs are his trouble. Up we went.” He put out his chin and poked it with his short finger. to half-past. “Come on. and smiling. and all the others pulling the clothes from them. eh. but I had a fear to give him a good one. but I saw in surprise that Cyfartha was following with a dozen or more from the sound. quicker than I had ever gone before.” Dai said. now. and breakfast then. for the wind was high and calling low and strong enough to push you over flat. And one good clout and they will put him to bed.” Over I went. Now in to your lessons from books. and I never saw Dai move. and a pain. so I was not far behind Dai at the top and hardly a breath out of place. But you shall teach him enough to fight his way through the school he is in now. “and five o’clock up the top of the mountain. But run.” Davy said. to the nose.” So I went from Dai Bando and Cyfartha Lewis. with lines of gold. I will give you the rest. legs or not.” Cyfartha said. That first morning Davy came in to give me a shake and hold down the loose board while I crossed the landing in quiet at quarter-past four in pitch black. and slapping himself hard. until I was ready to drop. “That you. and I put up mine. then off outside the house into a wind with ice in it. “hit to kill. “The boy’s legs have stopped him going to a good school.” said Dai. and that we did. sure. until the light was coming apple green and orange.” We went up the mountain together. “Huw Morgan.” “Look you. to seven. and pulling his off.” “Good.” . like the grip of a clothes-peg. “I was up there the night his mother came. “You will have lessons from champions. each as big as my two fists together. Huw Morgan?” Dai said. “Off with your shirt. and only their bootfalls to tell which was them and which not. but above the other valley it was just starting to show grey. Cyfartha? Hit me by here. and the light in the winding house down at the colliery. “Kick the legs above your heads and back and fore with the arms. we were sweating. and down flat we went. and we did straight lefts. “and we built a fire on the rock all night and slid down the mountain to the pit next morning. indeed. “And his legs want two more pairs like them before they will be going on to be enough. “Yes.” he said. His arm muscles were bigger than my thigh. black everywhere else. and we could see each other. not walk. boy. but Dai put his fingers down my neck and swore when I stopped to see. Cyfartha was not much less than Dai. and over the top of his trews. eh. It was still dark.” Dai shouted.” he said. God. and the trees taking shape and colours of deep green. “Come.” said Dai. and up and down we went. but his head was nowhere near my fist. and spat. bunches of muscle lay about the blades. “Down on the back. “Good morning. Only I was skin and bone. and I thought I would freeze.” I shouted back. “A sovereign if you will have him on the floor. but so cold it was like red-hot to the back. and meant it. Yes or no?” “Yes. and those to score. no wash because the bucket would rattle in the well to wake the Hill. Cyfartha?” “Yes. boys. and only enough in the house for breakfast first thing. half an hour down. and while Cyfartha and the other boys paired off.” Cyfartha said. and with muscle to make you doubt your sight. on the short grass that was smooth as moss. Strong legs you want. but being late for school a couple of times had given me practice in running up. So off came mine. and impatient. guard the other. He will never ride a punch with them. Cyfartha?” “Yes. and nothing but black down in the valleys except where Merddyn Jones was getting up. An hour up there to six. with the frost.” So I hit. and smiling he was. too. Say nothing to me of that night.” “What time in the morning?” Davy asked. Dai put up his fists.

Mama.” I said.” she said.“Thank you.” I said.” “Good. and run down the mountain home. is it?” “Yes. and finished my tea.” I said. “Yes. hopeless. “Put on your shirt. my little one?” she asked me. and picked up my bag and can. Right. indeed. is it?” she asked me. now?” “To-day. now. “To-day. “I knew it when I heard you go from the house. “Fight all the time. Mama.” “Yes. “I will fight to-day. And fight.” “But I must learn. and over at the fire.” I said. “or I shall have them and nothing to stop them coming. Huw. “When shall I fight. “To learn to fight. you.” Dai said. “Yes. my mother had my breakfast ready and when I had washed I sat to it.” “I am not listening to you. But if you come back with bruises again. “Did you go out on the mountain this morning. not a word shall you have from me.” I said. But fight. Remember what I say. “There.” Dai said. not a look.” she said. Not a word. not a look. When you know that. Nothing. Mama. and nothing to give back. but she sat beside me and smoothed my hair. and off. Nothing. Mama. and sat back. Dai. you can come and ask and I will show you.” When I got in. Break your old nose and see what I will do.” I said. as though she was hoping I would say no. Not a word.” I said. “Breaking your Mama’s heart every time you do go from the house. . You will only learn in a fight how much you have got to learn. and so pleased I could have jumped across the Valley. with her hand over her eyes.” “Same time to-morrow.

but from coal dust grimed into the flesh. but I gave him a little clip with the butt of my hand that made him feel silly for minutes.” he said to the crowd. and sure enough.” Mervyn Phillips said. more poke than punch. not from lack of soap and water. The boys stopped to press about me. and surprise in his eyes. very slowly. and find every feeling inside you telling you to run away. and Dai Bando standing behind me with his hands working my arms as they had that morning. now. So I took off mine. fists up and squaring well. “Excuses you are making.” said Mervyn Phillips. now.” he said. I saw them change colour as he started to come in at me. from the shoulder. Lessons went on just the same that morning. his fists are idle. too. and he tried a left. So I got him moving faster to have them falling the quicker. The listed I kept away from.” I said. But while a man is hitching his trews. coming closer. An awful feeling it is. and in we went with a push from the seconds. and my fist meeting flesh with a hard. Over came his left and caught me beside the head and down I went flat on my back. of determination bringing hurt.Chapter Eighteen I HAD SETTLED DOWN at school by then. knowing the holes in his guard and his habit of hitching his trews with his elbows. you. and with his bread and butter half in and half out of his mouth. you. I worked round him. and down he went full length. too. dear me. “Are you right. and brought my right to the side of his jaw with all the strength of my muscles. Out in the yard we went. to look at a door. with my father’s face near to him and his words in a whispered shout loud in my ears. A lovely little place I found by the hotel. but their laughing only made me colder to have Mervyn Phillips on the floor. Off came our shirts and the boys laughed to see the difference between us. with feet planted firm. where the buildings formed three sides of a square. with watching me. But he knew his danger and quickly his right was up to block me. so I never had that fear to go in. His face and neck were a strong red colour. and there is a shaking and a low hum of the engine at pressure. to have him off his balance. and his hair falling across his eyes and him blowing it away. and there I was. with my shoulder behind it and my right swinging back for the cross. “at the back of Spackman the Draper. and a couple of the boys not on my list came to me and took away my coat and can. I went round him a bit to see where his fists worked. and me just sitting. and another made a knee in my corner. But those calls went on the list against them. with the feet of the crowd over me and their faces going round and round. And he smiled. then a pace forward to be nearer to him. and straightened my left to have him fair upon the nose. “At the back of Spackman the Draper. I was knowing other boys. with his hands behind him. and his fists were black on the end of fair-haired forearms. and next to the drapery shop. and put his eating back in the box. “Right.” shouted the seconds. half-arm. “I will murder you. and going in as to a hole. on my feet again and waiting. A couple more lefts like that and you will be good for the cats.” he said. backwards.” I said. to the spot between his breast bones. Is it?” “Right. more short ones.” I said. “I will fight you after school. and down went his elbows to hitch them up. “Dear. and Mervyn Phillips took off his coat. however many there were to see us. A good long left hard on the base of the nose. getting up to his knees with his hand holding his jaw and blood shining wet on his face. In I went. I remembered Motshill’s warning about fighting. and straight to Mervyn Phillips I went. His eyes were deep blue and clear. And there he was. and right. from the force of hitting him. Jonas taking no notice of me. “Are you deaf?” Then he saw me over the boys’ heads. pulling up before we went full-tilt into each other. a big grunt as he doubled forward. and then came playtime. A head and a bit taller than me. and I weaved from left to right. Jonas came round the corner. “keep away from him. two. enough to have a kick and a run with the ball with them. That place I kept in my mind. It is strange how one little action like that. man. one.” Time again. “Coward. and give us room for a fight. clean sound. too.” “Never mind to go to Spackman’s. Careful again. three. so I had kept my eyes open for a bit of ground away from the school which would hold us safe from the policemen and the masters. and stood out. and now I swung on my heels to catch his chin with a left as his head came forward. there they slipped. a pace forward as his head went back with drips of blood flying away from my fist. he was. and Mr. Motshill said. for I got into the other valley with a head of steam on that would have carried me solid through brick walls. watching the black fists from the corners of my eyes come past my ears with whispers of wind. “Corners. and wide. But the run over the mountain cured it more than anything else. and even when they called after me I took no notice.” “Good. and made a ring instead. is it?” All the boys were pressing about us. but inside my head was like the winding house when the wheel is turning to bring up the cages. and a boy on the list tried to tear it from me. Morgan?” Mat Powell asked me. and going into rich white at the throat and below. “The bell has gone.” Mervyn Phillips said. but they were boys not on my list.” “Remember what Mr. Mr. I was steady on my feet. and putting his feet with . and only one little window high up. and mine came across to give me a hand back to Mat Powell’s knee. will put a crowd quiet. “come you. but it went short and I put one into his chest that made him take his breath. with my swung body full behind it. and well set to be a good big man. and down I went.

Jonas. “Now. Past face after face I looked. ripped in strips on the desk before her. His eyes stared hard at me. and hurting no more than snowflakes. but not watery blue. The stick swished twice as though Mr. and his breath pulled him up short as though reins had been jerked. and the quiet grew hot as he came to stand behind me. and found . looking like those queens on coins from Greece. Shani had hair the colour of September leaves. “But I shall punish you myself. Jonas might do to me. and a spitting of rain in the east wind. and a trembling in the hands that he tried to have quiet by linking his fingers. me to take the stick from the hook and stand by the book cupboard. and the sharp. and make a back. Jonas. Many times that day I wished I was on my back with the ice on the grass cold against me. and then I turned away from him and got my legs to bring me to my seat. and found him pale. with the blood of her brother on it. blue like her brother’s. in falsetto. A good big eye she had with her. And I was saved to do it. hitting the stick against his leg. to Mat Powell who was looking bright at me as though to cheer. mattering nothing. quietly. along the long desks. Ceinwen Phillips sat near her brother. “Mervyn Phillips. but hoping it to be soon. as though they were thankful not to be in my place. Swish again. of course. to keep shut my mouth. The day was a bit grey. “we will have geography. Jonas’ sight.” said Mr. He took the stick from my hand.” Mervyn Phillips came out. but sudden. The sound screwed itself inside my brain and my will flew to my back that was naked with wonderment. and the shadow. Jonas were getting his length. but I could hear them running blind as soon as they were out of Mr. She was small. but I took no notice. I sat. The top flew over me and bounced where I could see it. and found murder in her still. I wished I was with them. Was just a taste.” Inside the classroom we went. but breaking more to his own voice. Smiles there were all round the class. Teach you manners. Back to your place. Ceinwen Phillips was smiling now. and dark sadness.deliberate steps. You are in Standard Six and I am responsible for your conduct. And the stick broke.” said Mr. but I still looked at the picture of the Duke of Wellington on the back wall. and down again. not looking at me. and the grunt of Mr. No more nonsense. “I should report you to Mr. while she felt for her handkerchief in her belt to give him to wipe off the blood. a blue that you will see in the fire sometimes. The stick swished again. some on the list and some not. and the movement of Mervyn Phillips’ throat under my hands.” I turned from him and went into the school. waiting for the next to happen and not sure when. Turn to your atlas and find India. Go to my desk and get my stick. be so good. and forgetting his painful English. “There will be no change in it for him. All the other boys had gone away quietly. and her face hidden and her shoulders trembling. bending down. “Stuff my coat down your trews. “please be so good as to come to the front. Mat to his seat in the long desk. when you find your hands wet and the skin of your face pricking with heat. dull laying on. and a dull lot they were. His tongue put wet about his mouth. and the spread of his feet to be firmer and again the sharp wounding. and the strokes coming to be only a hard. He came in behind me. for Shani came in a few minutes before the bell to settle her books. for they were only girls. and back to Shani. wet about the forehead.” Mat said. And I made my mind strong whatever Mr. with a mouth always a little open to show good teeth and fat and square in the bottom lip. deep down. until my back was a long hurt that seemed to be in flames. I was on fire. I had never had much interest to look at the girls. You were warned.” Mr. and the sound changing as the strokes fell upon me and worked upward. and without a look at him. “Please to bend across his back. and a shifting of muscles pulling one side of his face. On my way I saw Ceinwen Phillips’ handkerchief. still behind me. not very cold.” I said. But facing them I had more chance to see them.” And while he taught geography. and plenty of sky. but unwilling to move even for that. and a red ribbon coming up behind her ears with a bow on top. I knew he was smiling. only moves of the mouth. and a pinkness in his eyes. with a blueness about the mouth. except two. that shone. more than half of them boys and the rest girls. but of expectance. “or he will have you in blood. and with a little line of a mouth. and a blindness in my eyes.” he said. and his sway forward. and gentle in her voice and movements. Both of them were the same height and the same shape of face. Jonas. and wait till I come. a pale. and put on my shirt. “Now then. and she nudged the girl beside her. moving over my face. The class was more than forty in number. dark in the eye. and blushing with the stains still on his face. so you cannot complain. who sat at the end of the row nearest to me. Motshill. as clocks work. and a couple of boys helped Mervyn Phillips into his. with Mat Powell beside me. I have never hated anything without life so much as I hated the yellow bricks of that low schoolhouse. and breathless. but Ceinwen was shorter and finer in the nose. and stood to one side. to make me jump. but I kept my eyes on his. I felt that dragging inside me. past my empty place and more faces. past more faces to Shani Hughes. In her eyes I found pity. “fight again. and in no haste to move even an arm. Across his back I climbed and locked my hands about his neck. nothing to cheer.” said Mr. shocking burning of its work. but not good smiles. still sweet. and kept looking. From Shani back to Ceinwen I looked.” “No matter. Jonas. for they were always quiet. but I sat on. and I saw the swift shadow on the floor and heard in anguish the flat squash of it falling across me. not of fear. Jonas said. but with plenty of woman in it. In something of blue was Shani. and I never troubled to tell one from another.” I looked at him as I slipped from Mervyn Phillips’ back. and thunder filling my head. straight and without a blink. wanting nothing except to drink. And again and again and again without pause. Dinner-time came. and sideways. She looked murder at me when her brother came in. “so our coal-mining friend has been indulging his favourite passion again?” He came to stand over me. and tender with nerves alive for a hurt. and long curling hair to her waist the same colour as new hay. with depth in it. still in falsetto.

They burnt all the trees. no. “Sore it is.” “Good-bye. and up she got.” I said. and there it is. “I am afraid you will drop every minute.me. “have you? I was going to give you a robin’s.” I said. then?” Mervyn asked me.” she said. “Yes. carrying a flower-pot with water running down and off her hands. and not with running. So pretty in song. Back again. She came closer. “but no matter. “O. Are you hurting with you?” “Yes.” Ceinwen said. Huw Morgan. across the road in front of a gig.” she said. and shining splashes dark on her dress. and her breath hotter and heavy with her life.” she said. “I will have the robin’s if you will have the nightingale. and the smile was gone. a bit red with it. with the back of her hand quickly to her mouth. “but I would like to see a hawk nesting and I would like to hear a nightingale. and her eyes blue as blue. and with shine.” she said. “I am sorry you had all the stick. now just. “are you here still?” “Yes. so bumpy they were. It was striped with wide swollen marks that cast shadows. only a bit. Huw. and O. down the street.” “It is nothing.” “Feel if there is carpet. there is sweet relief. Long was the afternoon. and her mouth making shapes and tears coming to fill her eyes.” Mervyn said.” The bell went and so did her smile.” she said. and here comes the smile again. Then on.” I said. and chaffinches. but not since the new ironworks opened.” “Only a drink I want. with her hair in lines behind her.” “Drop?” I said. and anger spurted up inside me. “Drink now. and hawk.” she said.” I said. and a smile trying to come. and a shadow in her eyes. “Drink. “and that is why you had a straight face. “Will I ask Dada to let me take the trap?” “No. “I have got plenty.” she said.” I said.” I said. and big.” I said. “No. “Good-bye now. “I will kiss you. and kestrel. and warmth in her eyes. and off. “After school.” “We have got thousands of them. “The day I drop will be the day I die. “You can eat quick. that were brown and deep and big. I will have the nightingale egg for you to-morrow. and curving. with yellow braid in three lines all round the bottom and some in lovers’ knots on the front. “Yes. “No carpet.” “Why?” I asked her. warmer than my face.” And she did.” “Will you tell your mother?” she asked me. “Huw Morgan.” I said. though she had to come in front of me to talk for I was past turning. properly.” “There is glad I am. in a little voice.” I said. so I was able to look at my back in the glass. “See you to-morrow.” she said. and went to climb up beside Ellis.” “And you shall have the robin. see.” I said. with a rush of skirts. and partridges. her. but so heavy and sharp it felt. and a smile. I was down at the Square and walking slowly when Shani caught me up. “I am going with Ellis the Post. “There is sorry I am. and ready to lie down anywhere. and pulled off my clothes. “Wait you. and up and down. Only a touch it was. and we shook hands in shyness. and her hand was white in a wave at the door. “And pheasants. and he ran to throw a stone at the driver of the gig. “but his knife is sharp for you. and I felt her mouth on my cheek. and I smelt cloves and cinnamon about her as she put her hand to touch my back. Out in the playground the air hit me as with a blow. from toe to toe. I am. and came closer with a look round at the door. now. Hurting.” I said.” I said. Then she went running.” “They said you had pieces of carpet down your back.” “No.” She went running from the room.” I said. “Have you got a nightingale?” “No. Will I carry your books?” “Thank you. gentle. “Right. “And no dinner?” she asked me. and bright red. and the blanket behind was kind to my back. blue. They used to sing to us. and her hands hurting when she pulled me close. and still a smile. and putting her hands together in front with relief. and a bit shy.” she said. that she might have had hot iron in her hands.” she said.” she said. Then I heard Ianto .” he said. “Will I get it for you?” she said. bigger than before.” “Shall we shake hands. and having a push from Ceinwen. is it?” she said. for the cushion was soft.” I said. “and put the pot under the desk for a drink again. “How will you go home?” she asked me. Up at home I went into a quiet house. “No. Nobody was in. “Because you are hurting. and I had to lean against the wall to have strength. but I knew from her step who she was. and her eyes going big. Have you got nightingales over with you?” “Millions. Mervyn Phillips ran up beside me with Ceinwen coming on my other side. more careful. “Do you like birds’ eggs?” she asked me. with her hair moving as a feather blown from the bed when a blanket shakes. and the driver turned to swear at her and she poked her tongue. and sat. and infinite my thanks to be up and going home at last. “Indeed I will. with her eyebrows high. quick but quiet. “No matter. “I do love a nightingale. tired with ache.” she said.” I said.

and every stone. The pick and shovel would rust. “Are you carrying stones in this. As I went down. and swung to stop. boy?” he said. and as the sounds of night came more and more to comfort me. and farther over. and looking again. Pain is a good cleanser of the mind and therefore of the sight. in wonder. but there was a voice coming from the Chapel. the bigger the hush. but I dropped it. and tried to find rest for my boiling mind. the nightingales were singing near the blackberry bushes by the Glas Fryn field. or the notions from my mind. and their boots heavy in the dust going farther and farther from my hearing. The wind was sharp about his business and whistling a little tune to let his friends on the mountain know he was up and about to clean house. and with loftiness of spirit. The more he whistled. It was my dream. and I knew that their voice was my voice. and looked at me between a smile and a frown. and keeping most for themselves. The grass would try to cover all. The sky was full of thin light from the stars. and terror found me. not one more than the other. and hush more. with clearness and with immortal truth. Bron.” “I know well what I will say to him who did that. “Hulloa. Where is the use in cooking special for you. I felt them to be right. far below me. clear softness that tells of coming rain. and still held tight by fear. “Look at his back. and the bigger the tree. “Well. and every blade of grass. in darkness. The men would go. The money would not be paid. and made haste to dress. And I was afraid. I heard the clatter of the last lamps and the rattle of the last brass checks as the men handed them in. Little at a time I had my legs at work. and the Valley was part of us and we were part of the Valley. and glad to sit down in the cold wind. and nothing they could do only wave at him. “Did you have that in school?” he said. man. goodness gracious. with his eyes staring pink-rimmed in his face black with dust. and down below me the village was a long criss-cross of small yellow lights. and ran from the house and up the mountain.whistling. but in those few notes I heard the rich. eternally. my bones. coming from the pit. I saw fewer men paying out that money. “Did you like the apple pie I made for you?” Then she felt the weight. rose up to sweep aside all other sounds. I sat. and then Bron came in to take clothes off the line for Ianto and some for Ivor. two outside the Three Bells. and clean. that carried me to Mr. boy. and every leaf of every tree. I fell upon a loud dream that had no start and no end. and the voice of a myriad rats. when you gave sweet scents to us. while I saw again the faces of Mr. but not for me.” he said. The mountain on the other side had turned over to sleep and his black hipbone curved up and fell away to thigh in the darkness. “How is the old man?” she said. with Bron calling after me. and quick.” I said. and I saw the Valley outside its skin and bone of grass and trees. for there would be none for master or man. Let Death or worse strike this mind and blindness eat these eyes if thought or sight forget you. now. but he was in before I could get my shirt on. never one without the other. for he would have them. not even a cat. Matters which seem to mean the world. I saw the riches of the earth crumble before picks and taken away by the shovel. for he was in one side and out the other. and I thought of Shani Hughes. and fought again with Mervyn Phillips. “There is a mark-down you would have.” Ianto said. so tight that I dare not move my eyes. for some. and tramping it home again?” “Leave him alone. I will live in you. for I wanted to know if they were right or wrong. with heart. within me. and a couple of small ones up on the other side of the mountain in the farmhouse. for part of me is the memory of you in your greens and browns. My Valley. are found to be of no import when pain is hard upon you. and gave it back.” “No. golden. and pulled my cheek.” Ianto shouted from outside. to bring money to their houses. man.” she said. The houses would empty. in health.” I said. . “Wait you till I have bathed. the other mountains slept too. and flowers. “Good. It came to me that presently. those riches would have an end. When I got in the village I found nobody about. and made to lift my shirt.” “Say nothing. the more the trees tried to hush him. I awoke too stiff to move.” I said. I looked up in the darkening sky and saw the big winding wheel chopping the light with its spokes as it slowed down. That evening while the cold froze the pain.” He stopped still. with shadows in the colour of lavender going to deep blue. and sent forth spices for the pot. brave. and saw Ianto’s face. for I was part of them as they were of me. and birds sang out of pleasure to be with you. but I wanted them to be wrong. and the vision. Of me was the Valley and the Valley was of me. with the bucket going down hard on the stones. and took the staple from the catch to open it. “Good. and threw his can at me to catch. or dust in ground. “School. “He have cut you to the bone. The wind held up above his head the sound of the choir from the Chapel for me to hear. as with all other things. and whispering. or creature living.” I took my tea from the oven.” I said. I saw men working. “What is that. having happiness in the black waters of the empty pit. Valley of the Shadow of Death. Gruffydd that night. “You know what Mama will say. one bright one outside the Chapel. Right up the top I went. The Chapel would be dark. “Not a bite you have had from it. all else dark. or stick or branch or flower or grain of pollen. O my Valley. and beating at him with their arms to stop him tickling them. then?” she asked me. and no nonsense with loose leaves or dead twigs. Jonas. all were of me as my blood. but no use. and on with my shirt. male voice of the men of the Valley. and every knob of coal or drop of water. and picked up my can. out of pity. The ball would be down the other end before you would have your eyes open. As ants do burrow.” she said. with the dark. with everything of life happy in your deeps and shades. The collieries would be left to flood-water and rats.

and on each face an openness. “Hosanna. and a bit frightened. with her arm about me.” I said. if he choose. and the cloak close about her. Bron left me to myself and went down to meet Ivor. and then a paste of the roes of trout with cream. and lavender was warm next to me. and then start upon the chicken. and in with a mixing of milk and potatoes. Drink down the liquor and raise your eyes to give praise for a mouth and a belly. I suppose. Let them see. but a good hurt and one to forget. She was smiling the old smile.” prayed Mr.” “Alleluia. “You will have your death with cold.” said the people. and died for. O. has been elbowing the lamb and the ham in the earthenware pot until all three are tender as the heart of a mother. and down the aisles all were kneeling. misgiving myself because of the news. I went closer and tried the door at the back. Through the open doors I saw the packed rows of people. and the yolk of egg. with the hood of her cloak over her head.” she said. Bron?” I asked her. to make us see. because she was different. O God. Gruffydd. would take from us. quick to find a way to harm. Lord God. “We have looked all night. Lord God. but happy to wash for a bowl of brandy broth. and in that darkness is Satan. but dragged there. The darkness is in men’s minds. Give light.” he prayed.” “Alleluia. These things we know. “All things are expedient. and a shake in her voice. a bit of butter. blind in sight and soul. There is brandy broth for you.” sang the people. and the touch of her mouth on my forehead. Bron?” I asked her. Gruffydd. and their children to perish even before they are born. Send flames. “Huw. a peace. ever watchful. “The evil that is in Man comes of sluggish minds. Send upon us thy flames that we may be burnt of dead thoughts.” she said. and with the first a pint of home-brewed ale. and will not. In with the carrots and turnips and the goodness of marrow bones. The people in the porch were going to their knees in tears. “Beloved God. and Lord let there be light. indeed. Gruffydd. but soft. boy. Mr. “so let again another voice sing through the darkness in men’s minds and let it say Let There Be Light. that others. “Why.” “What is going on in there. you. you. and pray for. with their faces pale in the light of the oil lamps. and only because I said I would look for you. proud with a stuffing of sage and thyme. hosanna.” said the people. and I turned. even as we burn dead grass. and deny them. and showing the tips of her teeth. “It is the Revival. and as the congregation started to sing. stopping now and again for people to shout. shining in the shine of the stars. “for sluggards cannot think. not even a cat. they lifted their voices with them. and still a bit frightened of the Revival. Gruffydd’s eyes were closed and his fists were tight upon The Book. Two noggins in. For the lighted mind of man can bring to fruition all good things for himself and for his kind. Gruffydd. whipped tight and poured in when the chicken. “Your Mama is in Chapel.” said the people. but all things edifieth not. Let there be light. O God. Brandy Broth is the King of Broth and royal in the rooms of the mouth. O Lord God. and the gentle soft of her firm bosom pressed against me. A good chicken and a noble piece of ham. Gruffydd. . Gruffydd. with a little shoulder of lamb. Now watch the clock and every fifteen minutes pour in a noggin of brandy. and hurting my back. “Come. “Come. Come. and her voice going from her. a thought to damage. and her eyes sad.” sang Mr. “and our colliery will come out to-morrow. and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the Englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land. But too many skulk behind the golden bars of the mansion of Mammon.” Into the house I went.When I got in the village I found nobody about. and I remembered the big meeting called for that night by Mr. “The men in the Three Valleys came out to-night. so I went to bed. and their women to die of want. but save the green leaves until ten minutes from the time you sit to eat. all ye that are weary and heavy laden.” she said. and with the third. And of those. as we went up the Hill. under her cloak. and her mouth wide. Let them be brought from their blindness. long shining tears. as though great news had come for each one and they were having joy of it. our daily bread. throw in the chopped bottoms of leeks. “but there are things needful which we lack. with even the big seat crowded with kneelers. and saw her. small to have the least of grease. with her hands outside and held toward me. but there was a voice coming from the Chapel. watching me. the same things that Thy dearly beloved Son asked for. for then you shall find them still a lovely green. with one voice. and found the porch crowded with people pressed close together. “Come unto me. “give light.” said Bronwen’s voice. and are filled and replete.” prayed Mr. and which would edify.” “I went to sleep on the mountain.” sang Mr. happy. and forget their brethren. a deed to hurt.” prayed Mr.” “Amen. Lighten our darkness. listening. ever ready. a smile of hope. so round to the front I went. and allow them to walk in hungry idleness. with her eyes closed up and showing only diamonds of light. Lord God.” “Alleluia. and she put her arms about me. let us sing unto the Lord. “As once the Voice sang in Darkness when the Earth was born. and tears shining on the very tips of her eyes. Rouse them with fire.” Bron said.” said the people. full. but it was locked.

suffering or not. and the nightingale egg making a hard lump in the corner of my cap. Jonas in school. “Ianto did. if not me. and his eyes that were always half closed went to nothing in a frown. so different that I could have laughed in their faces. “Mr. and rubbing his knuckles together. “Off with your shirt. “Unless you are thinking of paying a call social. boy.” said Dai. But go on fighting. and very kind. or cause others to suffer. me. and ready to burst with anger and surprise. even for such a beating. My mother went to stand by my father to put her hands about his shoulders. my son?” my father asked me.” I said.” “Let me go. “in my best breeches and bowler bloody hat.” I said. Is it?” “Thank you. and put his fingers to his mouth to whistle at Cyfartha. and he shall go with the boys and me to see Ireland playing us. too.” “There are worse ways of spending five minutes. “I wonder what would he do with a box of eggs?” “Social. “Good.” said my father.Chapter Nineteen UP ON THE MOUNTAIN next morning Dai Bando saw my back and dropped his hands.” I said. especially when the looking is done with wrong thinking. eh Cyfartha?” “No other reason I can think of. Jonas-Sessions. “Have we got business to do over in there.” I said.” my father said. “Did you win?” my father asked.” said Cyfartha. Dai. I told him to fight and I tell him to fight again. either. I will go to my death. Dada. but I could feel my mother’s eyes. and entitled to just as much respect as he is. Mr. is it? Eh. Eh.” I said. I was having both kinds that morning. and Mr. “off with your shirt. then a beating he must have. is it?” I went to school that morning three feet from the ground with joy.” my father said. Dada. “I will have the bones hot from his body. “Bron have cried all night.” he said. indeed. Dada. Cyfartha?” “There is the match for Thursday. “and come in three mornings from now.” said Cyfartha. and patting my mother’s hand to stop the shake. “Good. “School. Jonas-Sessions out. indeed.” Dai said.” I said. Is it hurting with you?” “Not much. for my mother was watching cold.” Cyfartha said. “Five shillings in the box. “I was fighting.” Off it had to come and quick. and very sober. A couple of those on the list even smiled at me and said a good morning.” Cyfartha said.” Dai said. Dada. “And if you do see a couple in their best doing it big to-day.” Ivor said. Dada.” Dai said. “Why did you have that. “it is none of your business. “Yes. Mama. “Who is he?” Dai asked me.” said Cyfartha. If it is against the laws of the school. Instead of the whispered jokes and laughing that I had had ever since going there. “Have your brothers seen it?” he asked. “Five shillings in the box for you. as though anxious to show friendship.” my father said. my son. “Mr.” my father said. “Yes. as he might be after . “Do you dare to answer me?” my father shouted. before you will have respect of one kind or the other from them. now. There was a different spirit among the boys. and back in my shirt. “Go you home. “but there is nothing to be done because of my mother. “Mouth shut. and staring hard at him.” Dai said. And a man is a man. my son. this time.” “It is nothing. in black rage. then. with his head on one side.” “Nobody shall go. You must suffer. Cyfartha?” “Eyes open. Beth. “So if we do go over there. Dai. “Will you let him be beaten like that? Will you let a brute of a man treat your son like that and let him free?” “If I will go down there to him. I stood for a moment with the heat of the fire on my side. “Huw. Jonas-Sessions. There was quiet. my little one. and looking at me sideways. Dada.” my mother said. Cyfartha?” “Me.” Cyfartha said.” I said. boy?” he said.” “Well. “What is this. There is silly are people.” “But Gwilym. Dai.” So off I went home.” I said. and not liking it. Jonas. “The boy was beaten for fighting.” “Mr. “we are only going over by there to fix the match for Thursday. and into trouble. now they looked at me with a look almost of appeal. “Plenty. in his high little voice.” I said.” said Dai. “So you had your marks on your back. Eh. I will not stand to be looked at by anybody. to-day. Cyfartha?” “A good man with a stick.

Give me a nightingale’s little egg. heavy steps running in the hall and more shouts and screams. with calibrations on it. Jonas to light. a lovely piece of craft and a delight to hold. Motshill’s room. “Be good enough to bring Mr. and to hell with him in by there. As soon as he was gone Ceinwen came to sit by me. his coat ripped. and useless for a song. two. not a bit. Jonas was torn and in pieces. is it. either. Although he saw me. but an inner fogginess. “so I had to run after him. and with his foot on the step of the desk platform. and they gripped him. and put his bowler hat on straight. soft. and almost as though he was saying he was sorry. “Nice and comfortable. Motshill was shouting. Two masters pulled open the lid.” “No. and the door outside bump. “I was always sorry about your box. Cyfartha?” “A frog would have it hard to get a note. and Cyfartha Lewis just leading Mr. from a little girl from Standard Three.” she said. and sometimes Shani turned to smile at me. but nothing could be heard in the screaming of the girls. but with the palm. I have put my name on the back with a pin. Motshill and the others watching them. shoulders and feet. “From my father. there appeared in them not a darkness. Then shouting came from the hall. Jonas ran in. with a piece of his tie hanging like a rag. Her eyes were bright blue. We had been back from dinner about half an hour when there was a knock in the middle of religious instruction and please would Mr. O. Jonas came to light with his hair in a mop and his face streaked with . slap. for the screaming from the girls when Dai took him by the neck could not have been bettered beyond the bounds of purgatory. treat the other. he is. and the way Mr. see? Eh.” said Cyfartha. no.” “I am paying a call. and I wanted to go to her to put my arm about her and shield her. All through the day I sat. and sometimes Ceinwen looked round. Motshill’s voice. and the other two dropped their hands and stood watching Dai. Not a word or a look from Mr. Motshill. or with the sufferings of others on his conscience. somebody screaming. his trousers torn all the way down. not with the knuckles. with Dai Bando and Mr. who just put the top of her head round the door like a little mouse. sir. But there was a look there that made me draw back from giving her a good smile.” And out they went and their boots knocking on the board floor.” Cyfartha said. Not until the last swing did Mr. and purple in the cheeks from flat-handers that Dai gave him whenever his head came up. I took no notice for a little while. Have it.” I looked down at Shani and found her looking at me straight. “Shani Hughes. bump behind them. as though she saw me. and furniture being broken. now.” she said. So I passed them all by. then he winked to Cyfartha. and I want one. for all their brightness and white. Jonas crying limp. with its age golden in it. You dare come in here to this school and assault a master. and Mr. Mr. Jonas shouted was a marvel. Tyser. see. Jonas about the neck and bent him over his knee. and then he sat tiredly on the edge of the desk.” I said. I kissed you. And I had him in by here. but then the door burst open and Mr. though from what it would be hard to say. eh. sir. and Mr. Jonas after he had just put his eyes on me for a moment when we went in to prayers. “She has got it in a little box with a piece of glass. and got louder. and yet.” she said. If I were younger you would carry my mark with you. Motshill was trying to stop Dai hitting. Motshill was dancing with anger and shouting. So home for a pint. Dai took papers and tobacco from his bowler hat and rolled a cigarette. and touching his bowler hat very civil to Mr. Mr. everybody else. Huw. yes. The way that belt slashed and cracked. one. “Good afternoon to you. Dai off with his belt and gripped Mr. “I told him I wanted it for you. So what is the odds? Eh. Jonas kindly step into Mr. nothing was in his eye. “and not polite to say no. see? Nothing more he could want in the world. and Mr. although he could barely be heard. is it? I would do anything for you.” she said. and I will swear nothing was in mine.” said Dai. Only because treat one.” Mr.” “Thank you. A dusty old place you have got in here. three of the masters behind. I asked him to come. and all the girls in school started screaming. Motshill. Dry on the throat. “and I will make the little box. As soon as he was sure there was no danger of the other masters joining in. and ran.suffering. but as part of her thoughts. “I asked him first. Dai wiped his forehead with a pull down of his sleeve. “But perhaps your father will want it. I came a long way to find him. dusty indeed. and his face white. not as me. who stood in the doorway clapping hands with one side of his collar loose. almost as quick as you can count. bump. my little one?” “A good pint.” said Dai.” “Where did you have it?” I asked her. with the white nearly all round and very white.” Dai said. Cyfartha?” “Yes.” he said. Dai. Will you give me a nightingale’s egg. but darkly and for some reason I was sorry for her. Everybody in class ran out of their desks to the door. Cyfartha lit a fusee for him. but Dai was taking no notice. Jonas’.” “He ran from me. “You bully. and not in here. collarless. and hitting Dai’s broad back with his fists. but nobody knew why. almost in a sigh. “would do me a blessing of good. Mr. slap. and swung him right through the open trap of the coal locker and shut the lid.” Dai said. You shall be dealt with by the law. “That is for the one I broke. indeed to God.” I said. Cyfartha?” “Invited he was. “And good afternoon. and went to look for Shani Hughes. helpless. “I had thought to have him up on the mountain.” Cyfartha said. Mr. and he puffed blue clouds while the screaming went down and down like the end notes of the hooter. now?” “Who told you?” I asked her. I was ready to run from that look. but then she slid an ivory ruler toward me.” “You shall have an egg. But not because you kissed me. Dai was finished and Mr. “You cowardly brute. but I was willing to go through hell to China to have him. Not one for one. and turned to look all round the class. Motshill move. back. and with Mr. indeed. Jonas gave his catechism to our monitor and went out. Cyfartha put one of the masters on the floor with a hook. and watery in the eyes.

and shivering all over when they helped him from the room. but made feelings of pity. . eyes cold with rage. and yet pity him from the depths. It is strange how you shall hate a man. wordless but with little sounds that might have been laughable.coal. with the swellings of Dai’s finger marks purple on his cheeks.

“As much chance of that as flies in a beer-trap. “while they were talking and arguing. I had a pie and bread and cheese with lettuce.” I said. Good night. “Yes. and in sorrow. but Bron was crying as I passed her. Ianto hit his fists softly on the bench. and rested his whiskery cheek against mine.” I said. “God bless her. “there is grease on your coat. and with anxiousness. God knows what will happen. for the street was always empty at other times. Huw. Huw. and got up.” “Are we coming out?” I asked him. “What is wrong here.” All along the road round the mountain by the river men came running from their houses to have the news from Ellis.” he said. and he put his arms about me.” he said. “Has Dada gone in?” he asked me. and sat down. for I had learned to take it to pieces and fit it all back again. on chairs. “I thought we would never get him home. and the women were still. and if he had had the tears they would surely have come then. so we must start to have the least of less. Mama. The . “Why?” I said. “I could see you all day to-day. Dada. “On strike. “How was he?” “In pain. In our home my mother was peeling apples. Ianto came in just after he had gone. “Yes.Chapter Twenty GOING HOME that night with Shani.” he said. and Angharad was chopping the peel for jam. Ellis?” I asked him. cap and coat on. and no jam.” “No matter. All that night I was cleaning Owen’s engine. but no tea.” “Will we win. The ground is cut from under our feet. I cannot tell. Dada. “It will have to be water. There was a feeling of fright in it. Nobody stopped working. boy. and he came in quietly.” he said. and heavy with sorrow. Come you here. and then he put me from him. “They will have the burden. all talking in groups and looking serious. “Never mind. There seemed nothing that I could do so I climbed up the shed and went through the window to bed.” my mother said. now. and I heard the low murmur as his words were passed back. “How you and your sons will live. now. with butter on only one. “It is your mother and the other women who will suffer. Your father and Ianto and Davy and a couple more have gone over to see the owners. wordlessly and with grief. “Good. Stay you in here for a bit.” Ellis said.” I said. Dada. boy. or sitting on window sills. “Your Dada cannot tell when the strike will end.” It was strange to go out in the street and find the men out there. with impatience.” I went closer. my little one.” “Why.” said Ianto. What is to happen to you I cannot tell. but so quietly you would never know. “Yes. He was quiet for a little. Nothing. And we will stop there. No hopes. “I am shamed to go in and face your Mama. “The men are out in Three Valleys. Bron was ironing. and Olwen was playing with Gareth in front of the fire. “I expect ours will be out by the time we are home. “O. “We are out. or just standing in the gutters. too. and still looking at the candles. I am shamed to go in and tell her. or wrung their hands or held their babies tighter. indeed. and at his words the men seemed to go dead.” He went out and listened at the kitchen window for a moment and then went down to Bron’s.” Ianto said. Nothing to be done. but waiting for the men to come back. white and brilliant in the eyes. my little one. “Well. and went to him with my hands dripping with grease.” “Yes.” I said.” His voice was close to my ear. the men black from work.” I said. “since half-past three we have been out.” said my mother. and all up the Hill they were out.” he said. and still not looking at me. looking at the candles. For school. “Huw. I jumped off as the people crowded about Ellis. then?” I asked him. we found the streets and the square full of people. Next morning I was allowed only two slices of bread. boy. but shouted as he slapped the reins on Mari’s back. and I was taking the grease off my hands when I heard my father’s step in the back. the women dressed for the house and bareheaded. who never stopped. Round in our village the people were out in the street. He cleared his throat as though pain had been his only meal for hours.” he said. You and your sons. my son. “she always has. not talking much for there was nothing to talk about.” I said. with his moustache like silver.” he said. as a man will look after a fight only half finished. too. men and women. “we are all in pain.” he said.” “She is waiting for you. and went into the house.” he said. “No chance.” he said. while he was putting Mari in the shafts. Ianto?” I asked him.

” she said. Up and down in a dim. girl. straight. My brothers and my father were always tramping over the mountain to meetings. and though I asked her. but soon it was back. There were many in the village just the same. but then that stopped. It was never allowed to come past the door. Then she came outside and pretended she was going to have a drink.” I said. Not a word from my mother. and it was strange to see them every day going browner and browner with the sun. and Dai heard nothing more. and the line was unbroken again.” So she took them. and I saw Shani looking through the classroom window. thick in the slice. with lack of it. she looked as though she wanted to cry. either. and had saved and kept a good house were putting money and . October. and going to do something to her hair. so I went to sit in the cloakroom.” “Will you have a bit of this?” I asked her. August. and then closed up. and ready to eat my bread and cheese. and jumped down from my sight. too. and it was then I saw how pale they had always been. So Shani had dinner for two of us that day. The men wanted more wages.” I held out bread and cheese. but nobody talking loudly. only clicked her tongue and looked tired. with cress and lettuce from the garden. when the grass went brown and the river dried. and after. Nothing was said. Then I saw her eyes.wind was full of the low rising and falling of their voices. I looked back at the top of the mountain and saw the Hill. Jonas was teaching and I was sitting. “Oh.” “No matter. “Why no home for dinner to-day?” I asked her. even my father and brothers. but instead of smiling back. not only in our Valley. Friendly Societies paid out all they had. no. penniless. Next morning I went to school with my can packed tight. and they were on my can. Shani was a dove to a raven. “Will I get it for you?” “No.” I said. with her hands behind her. and Mr. That was July. and bit into them. Food got less. I told my mother when I got home but she said nothing. and eating little. and swallowed again. Tea we had without sugar and milk. looking down into the Valley. no tea. and then no sugar. All down the Hill. a long black mark could be seen where men’s shoulders had leaned to rub grease. and their tempers were just under their skins. and as she chewed she sobbed. July. Your throat goes dry and you cannot have your food in peace when somebody is hungry and shows it. Jonas carried her outside. then those few shillings stopped. It is a fact that if you are hungry and you see somebody eating something you would like to have your teeth in too. as though they were expecting to see tongues of fire. “Good. Next to her. but in the others. crusty bread. but out as well. wavy line. and children were not so ready to play. of Moss the Butcher’s near the school. I tapped on the glass and smiled at her. at home about the strike. when the farmers came through to sell at the market. butter only on Sunday. I only noticed it in Shani one morning when she stood next to Edith Moss. Not a word he said to me about his meeting with Dai Bando. and bit and bit and bit. and thin. standing at the walls. No one would give an inch. One dinner-time she stayed in class to sew. It was said that her father had gone to find work in the north. at Middlesbrough. who had sons earning. Some of the women had taken a bucket of hot water to scrub it off. and a hot month. who said she drank blood hot from the carcass when her father slaughtered. and her eyes had tears. And after we had been having dinner for a couple of weeks she stopped coming. and along the walls in the village street. for they were idle. spit will flood to your mouth and you will swallow to make a noise. Bread was spare. “There is plenty. Edith was a lump of a girl with big red cheeks and black hair. and never went home with her. in the manager’s office. and the rocks so hot that they would almost burn your feet as you crossed them. Her father was in the collieries. I went out with my can to the playground. girl. That noise Shani made as I watched her. and a little bow on top of her hair and her face so pale and looking from the side like the face of the queens on coins of ancient Greece. and so white in the face. “No. She looked at it. men and women were out in their gardens. The public houses closed except for two days a week. and yellow farm cheese. only a little smile. until her little mouth was sure to burst. nothing was happening. “There is slow you are. We had nothing to do with one another. Women were going thin. or laughing. of course. but making no move. and even in the farms. and she went home with another girl. I was. The owners said they were getting less for the coal so wages had to drop.” I said. but it was raining. Men were fighting among themselves for nothing. The three shops gave credit for a bit. and presently. The men in the Union with Ianto and Davy had benefit for weeks and weeks. but always at the height of the shoulder. and more in a brown paper parcel hanging on my coat button. “Come on. but when she saw me looking she came closer. “too much trouble to go all that way for old dinner. September. and in the afternoon she fell to the floor during history. Women like my mother. You have got longer to come. August.” she said. So Shani and me sat together to have dinner every day in my mother’s smile. I never saw her mother or father. only Mr. September. I will always remember her in something of blue and three lines of yellow braid. Still the men held meetings.” she said. indeed. Meat came less and less. “And take from you?” she said. she never came over in our Valley because they had sold their trap and it was too far for her. At school. too. Some stopped coming because they were only eating once a day. “Just going to have a drink. and the street down in the village full with specks of people. look. Meeting after meeting the men held on the mountain side. Some of the boys and girls stopped coming to school because their shoes were gone and their parents afraid to buy more in case the money was wanted for food. Have to eat. so small. not a word.

” Angharad said. “I will have it when I get home.” said my mother. “Well?” she said.” my father said. go to Mr. Morgan. and my mother said he would have starved if people had not asked him to eat with them. too. Mama.” The people were crowding round our house. and did. with sugar and milk. “the boys and me will go into Town to-day. Mr. Even Mr. No more were coffins built by Clydach. Two men who were caught were taken over the mountain and had six months in jail. July. three. Beth. My father raised his fists and hit the table to make the crockery jump. and hang-dog. “No matter. Mrs.” Ellis said. Morgan.food together each week for the babies of women who had just married. sipping hot water.” Ellis said. with her fork in the potatoes and one foot on the fender. A sheet had to do. He was thinner. “We shall have to give in.” said Ianto. Gwilym. with his eyes looking at her upwards and sideways. Windows were boarded to keep out cold. Then children began to die. Morgan. and made Ivor second conductor to him. and now they began to shout. One night I heard a choir of a thousand voices singing in the darkness. indeed. November. Ellis. at all events. if you will excuse me. and went to live in the lamp house. and tea. and jumped from the stool.” said Mama. “But no tea. The cold was on us and the snow was thick in the very first week. Gruffydd had trouble to keep the men from a riot. Have I been living all this time and nothing to show?” “Beth. and clothes for the people down in the hovels. and potatoes. Next morning. and because of my father’s face. “If I will ride on the back of old Mari. too.” “No. September. tears and laugh together. my little one?” my father said. and sitting next to me. Mrs.” Davy said. with flames in his eyes. “or never come inside this house again. eating the breakfast of two and a pleasure to watch. and flew from the house. “Let us drown. and some of the men went down to the colliery to get coal and were stopped by the watchmen. October. and now women were dying. and the hymns fewer. and potatoes.” “Yes. “If there shall come a time when you leave this house without a proper something to eat. and sometimes two and three a day. and blushing red and beautiful. police came by brake. and kissed them.” he shouted. Mrs.” my father said.” my father said. Two.” “Beth. But as the weeks and months passed by. and going down to the colliery and killing the police. “That is a straw. and strawberry jelly. The processions over the mountain were long at first. and off with his cap. then. “look for me on the floor. you shall. and needed help themselves. “you were made and the mould was hit with a hammer.” “Tea you shall have. and the money was all gone in food for the hungry ones. my little one. As soon as the people saw them in their best. August. “They have promised a minimum wage. and his clothes were loose on him. and out they went. with more colour in his face then I had seen for weeks. more and more women had to stop giving. but they took no notice and loaded up. “Come you in. Ellis the Post stopped Mari outside our house and gave my father a letter.” “Yes. But by God Almighty. see.” said Ellis. From all the men in idleness he got together a choir. “Breakfast is ready. they knew they were off on business. “Where have you been hiding all this.” My mother looked at him straight. singing for funds. and passing the letter to Ianto. and presently men from the other valleys were coming over the mountain in dozens and scores to join them. Then they grew shorter. But the people of the Hill would never have any of it. and I thought I heard the voice of God.” said my mother. Mr. One morning in the third week. Morgan. I will have food in those children’s little bellies before the night is out. “Shall we have a ride to the station.” said my mother and ready to fly at him. There is good it is to have good food with taste after a long time without.” “You shall have breakfast now.” “And we are the drowners. indeed. People were burning wood.” “Go from here.” my father said.” said Ellis. “Go you Angharad. “And please to have what you are given. Ellis?” my father said. and toast with butter. and presently people were running from their houses to fill the street. and meant. and pale about the nose with cold. “and I will please attend to mine. “The owners. my sweet love. “before I will give you a good hit with one. All over the valleys they walked. Gruffydd and ask him to breakfast. But they were green and not to be lit by anything but a fire. and four families went into one house to eat and have warmth together. except standing trees. . and no bacon. for he was paid by the Chapel. indeed. We had a lovely breakfast that morning. So those who had no money for coal went up on the mountain for wood. looking at the letter still.” said my mother.” “O. money.” my mother said. “You mind your affairs. there was soon no wood to be had.” “Good.” my mother said. Gruffydd went time and time again to the Town and came back with food. for the people had no strength. and bacon. for they knew that Ellis must have brought a letter. More and more children were dying. or for women with only a husband earning and many children. and their shouting roused everyone. My mother went to the box and counted out the money for each. Bacon sliced thick. and since all the people in other valleys were looking for wood. and men. they knew they would have good from it.

and ice from his breath round the brim of his hat and on his mittens and muffler. Only the cold. girl. but we have fixed a limit to the less. “there is tired you are looking.” “Amen. and the band struck up for everybody to link arms down the street. and old rubbish with it. for it was cold and starting to snow. I will bring what there is. The Three Bells opened up to hand out the last of the beer. They came back by train to the end of the line.” my mother said. but indeed. Heavenly Father. and went to his knees with my mother beside him. but when he handed out hampers full of groceries. Wash. and to bed. Her face was straight and her eyes cold. Now that was a procession for you. boy.” “What.” my mother said. but he was too cold. But Mr.” he shouted. I know you have had a long way to come. and it will be made law. “If not screwed off by that old ice on the mountain.” said we all. “Starving we are. trying to find his way into her good books again. and trying to put his arm round her. “For all that has happened. “To-morrow. There is pretty to see all those little lights wagging down the mountain and to hear their voice coming nearer and nearer. about seven o’clock. Gruffydd again. “Hot water you are having. and we only found out who it was when my father and the boys came back next night. My mother looked at him while we laughed. my little one. with the people running after. . a big waggon came round the mountain road. and my father was crying when Ellis whipped up Mari. and lit the torches. “not that I meant. only a few words in pencil. Is that all I am to have? Hot old water?” “Smell. When the driver started to shout they came out one by one. but. and stopped in the middle of the street. “When. “Gwilym. but not hard. So big was the crowd and so much the noise that my poor father could say nothing much himself. I was. “If I was going to have what I can smell. “for the mercies.” said my father. boys. Gruffydd knew nothing about it. who played the big brass horn. but never happier in his life. with all the hauliers dressed up in colours.” my father said when he came in. “You have always starved in this house. they came running to kill themselves. “I will wash in that. dammo. The news the strike was ended came through the telegraph about five o’clock that night. of course. as though from far away. shouting and dancing with everybody else.” “I have got a good mind to pour it down the drain.” my father said. you. but plenty to do. In the Name of Jesus the Son.” “Well. and started off for home.” my mother said.” “Have you got a nose?” my mother asked. there is nothing in the house for you. It has been signed. had a red ring big as half a crown round his mouth and looking very sore with him. when?” “To-morrow. and he had to ask a couple of the men to make everybody take their turn or he would have been crushed underfoot. from the heart. and then with Thomas the Carrier from there to home. Brandy broth. and hundreds more. to let him see how insulted she was that he should think to come home and find nothing for his comfort. and others said it was Mr. Up and down the street they ran. What. and to-day.” my father said.” “When?” the men were shouting. and went off down the Hill. and impatient. “there is no need for a pot to be washed in the house. and took him by the shoulders to put him in his chair to undo his boots. and women looking out of windows and waving. “Back to work. right out of patience. and pushed him away. and holding the tip with his finger and thumb. “With soap. until Davy Pryse. with all the women. and now you could see the smile coming to her eyes and then she put her hand to his face. and the guidance to-day. and met Thomas as the horses came over the brow.” my father said. Yesterday I gave thanks. and the people were cheering to burst the ears. people could not have gone crazier if the writing had appeared again upon the wall. boy. “Bed.” my father shouted back. “We will have less. and when you are warm. but she pretended she was still cross. “Oh. more hundreds running to meet them. for I made copies of the letter with Ivor and we took them over the mountain for the checkweighmen of other collieries to read out to their men. “Hot water. and got in lines back and front. with an old chicken from the farm. I do give thanks from my heart. Beth. “I will give thanks till I die that I married you. all the way down and out of the village. and asked them over to meet my father coming back next night. and children playing ring of roses.” “Will I have a bit to eat first.So they cheered with tears. and some said it was Old Evans. where it was so cold that the brass was frozen and the band had to sing instead. and to-morrow I will give thanks again. then?” my father asked.” my mother said. Let me go to bed.” she said. and then more dancing. People had gone in their houses.” she said. and the torches going out and no more to be had. Back to work. No school for me that day. Then they took out the horses and put in pairs of pit ponies from the colliery my father worked in. waiting in the village. Gwil. smell. cold still. I will bet you. for he was tired. only saying. and nothing much to eat and drink sent the people home. the men took big torches with them through the snow right to the top of the mountain. But Mama could never keep straight her face when Dada was funny.” said my mother. trying to make peace with the men. then?” my father said. My father had a sniff. To-night.” shouted the crowd. Some said it was a London paper that had asked readers for gifts.” “Wash and bed. When it was dark. and a bit of old beef and lamb. now?” “Beth.” he said.” “O. Hundreds on hundreds were in the procession. thanks again.

Now then. put the other. “I do love a good block of ice in bed.” said my mother. boy.“Bring a bowl of it upstairs.” said my father. and turned round. Gwilym?” “Yes. “And no more nonsense from you or your father. my sweet love?” said my father. Beth. and winking at us.” “Hisht. “Come to the table. “and a spoon. straight in the face. with gems in his eyes.” said my mother. “Bed. so angry she pretended to be. “Have I got the sense to warm your old bed? Angharad and Bronwen and me have been running up and down stairs all night with blocks of ice. in a little boy’s voice.” said my father. “Yes. Mrs. and turned on us. Morgan?” he said. “You are standing there grinning like a lot of monkeys in the circus.” “Good. and you shall pour it to your heart’s content. melt one. .” said Mama. “Will I have a block of ice. for you.” we said. “No.” said my father. And he flew up the stairs with my mother behind him with the shovel. Are you washed?” “Yes. Is the bed warm?” My mother smacked his foot. and us laughing the paint from the ceiling. indeed. and went to the door.” she shouted. Mama.

when I got as far as the door. Master Morgan. Motshill came . Out we went. “Morgan. “Then let us start from that point. “I shall have the pleasure to introduce an emeritus professor. and I could see all the marks Ellis and Mari had made going right along the street. Morgan. and only the pithead gear and winding wheel stuck out black. “There is nothing I would like better than to see your name in gold out on a special board in the hall.” I said. and the geometry that was a disgrace to man and beast. and we kept all our clothes on inside and out. There is a feeling that comes to you when you long to see blood. You Welshmen are a funny crew. but birds were still busy about it. “Run. and though I still looked through the book.” “Yes. Jonas or anybody else. and as he came his fingers flew at me. and the look of startled pain in hated eyes. and my bootmarks going like little shadows all the way down. boy. “I thought so. I went to my desk with my teeth tight shut in firmness.Chapter Twenty-One I WENT FROM THE HOUSE next morning before the men went to work. and no need for any of it. sir. and it was strong inside me. Men who keep silent under duress are moral cowards. Even the slag was covered in snow. and scratchings. I looked through my writing books and I was filled with bitterness to see the rubbish I had written.” Ceinwen was shouting.” he said.” said Mr. for all the trying of his patience. was inches under snow. Then the girls started to scream again. sir.” said Mr. Her mouth stretched and her hands went to grip the front of her dress. too. “Why is your school work so immeasurably inferior to the work you do at home? Are you unhappy here?” “I would like to learn with Mr.” said Mr. except in a couple of places where the snow had fallen off the roofs. so I had to be early. and the untidiness. Motshill. You understand me?” “Yes. I had a feeling that something was wrong in the air about me. “Come outside. The river was frozen. A left to the chin. and beautiful was the Valley from the mountain-top. There is a difference which I shall merely hint at if I allude to it as startling.” he said. sir. and even his side-whiskers looked cold and flat to his head. I find that three of your brothers had brilliant records in local schools. School was cold as cold. His hand came over my shoulder to take the book away.” I said. Morgan. just behind his glasses that made his eyes small. Morgan. and put a hand on my shoulder. and we had clapping for minutes on end during the day to have our hands warm enough to hold the pens. glad to have the words to agree. certain sure to work with the best for Mr. “I have been looking through your homework and comparing it with your school books. Back to your classroom. with the blackboard falling and chalk flying.” But Mr. and worse. Motshill. “Take it to heart. He was not in front of the class.” he said. my mind was not in it. please. kind in the eyes and voice. and a left and right to the head put him down again. Motshill. now. and his nose was red. so clean and smooth and crisp. They do sound so dull and silly. but you cannot find the words to fit.” “I shall sit here. Tyser. white. Then I felt his smile just behind me. with a cold in his head. and with a nod of the head she told me to fight. and I went in his study and found him in his greatcoat before the little fire. “Remember this. Motshill and no matter about Mr. Huw. Wide. and blots. “To look in your school books is to find a dolt. Think how proud your school-fellows would be. yet not a smile. Think.” I said. sir. Ceinwen turned and I saw the animals leaping in her eyes. of your father and mother. and O. I waited till he was on his feet. where the ice showed through the snow. Back I went to the classroom. just as Mr. But that was in my mind long before. He took me by the ear and pulled me to my feet.” he said. “Oh. and still. Jonas was getting up. though what for I could never tell. All the village. “I had great hope of entering you for a University College Scholarship. and as he turned the pages I heard him laughing to himself. for with the snow it took longer to get to school. Jonas had stopped talking. and as soon as we reached the space I hit from the waist and caught him in the wind and tore my knuckles on his chain. I was waiting till we got to the front of the class where there was room. and a smile. Motshill sent for me in the afternoon. half of yours? For your homework is the work of quite another fellow. Down he went to shake the school. down there. and I pushing him. still very kind. Morgan. Yes. a lazy dolt. “Answer me. for I was cold with rage that he should put his hands on me. Why?” There are some times in your life when you are asked a question and you know the answer well. and grey in places. Mr. you feel shame. “the man who goes to the top is the man who has something to say and says it when circumstances warrant. Not for nothing I had been going up the mountain with Dai and Cyfartha.” said Mr. the joy to feel your fist bounce solidly on flesh you hate.” I said. What is the matter with yours? Or should I say. I feared so. Mr. but even so we were cold.” I said. and what an example you would be to future scholars here. “run. Motshill. Thank you. but outside. Why?” His eyes were kind. I am sure they would be most pleased?” “Yes. and I had missed two days. a right to the wind.

Gruffydd. and went down the mountain the hardest way to take longer and have more difficulty. Angharad. Let me go to work now. high up. She looked at her hands for a moment and I saw the frown and hopeless shake of her head.” So out I went in the back. Go you.” “Angharad. “I am not tied to Iestyn.” said Mr. Do you think I want to see the white come into your hair twenty years before its time? Shall we see our children growing up in the cast-off clothing of others? Shall we thank God for parenthood in a house full of bits.” “Not wrong. “Yes. and stood looking. “I have been sent from school for hitting old Jonas. I can bear with such a life for the sake of my work. and coming near. Mr.” I said.” “But why would you kill if you saw an effect in me?” asked Angharad.” he said.” Bron said. Gruffydd said. And beside it again.” said Angharad. The more I thought of it the worse looked my part of it. and full of goodness. I would rather have you. and paint-pots. with her head leaning on her arms.” So off I went.” I said. and beautiful in the eyes. and the next. “him and the blackboard. A teapot from our house was on a table. Life is good. How to go home and tell my mother I had been sent from school for hitting a master was a problem to me.” “Only once?” Bron asked.” “Nothing of the kind. Gruffydd had been making too much noise dragging a box to hear me come in. Mr.” said Angharad. Gruffydd. and go home immediately. and when I looked up.” “Still it seems wrong for your sake. Strange how in one minute you will be hot to fight and certain of the justness of your wrong. and facing it.” I said. my study. Only a friend he is. “but I am still afraid.” “You are afraid what people will say. “but only to shame the devil with the truth. and before I could say anything he looked at Angharad and took out a handkerchief to wipe his head. and very sad. and walked along. “Afraid. Let them be enjoyed by all men. “Because. and planks of wood.” Mr.” “Five kisses you shall have. Do not attend any more this week. I was afraid then that my mother would come out and find me. “your hat.” “Why?” Angharad said. He was moving from old Mrs. I am a man. kicking the ice from the cobbles and taking as long about it as I could. standing against a tallboy.” Angharad said.” I said. as though that might be a bit of salve for sore conscience. Gruffydd was in shirt sleeves and very hot. “Because there is no need for it. “I have thought and thought. Gruffydd. and caught hold of me and put five smacks of kisses all over my face. sick. and looking everywhere except down at Angharad. but she was busy upstairs.” And he turned from her to pull the cords of a box and drag it away from her. That you and me will have to depend upon the charity of others for most of our good meals. Gruffydd. Gruffydd said. even though it was cold outside and ice was on the windows. with her hair hanging down across her cloak. boy?” Bron said. and looking for words. with her arms on the top shelf. “well. Jonas. It took me minutes to reach our back door.” “No. “you are shameless. So I felt as Mr. and ready to fall in the dust with shame. there was my mother looking at me and smiling through the . and I threw my books through the window of our back and ran down to Mr. and there was my mother in her so plain I could have laughed. But I think I would start to kill if I saw it having an effect on you. I went in the front door to the darkness of the passage and picked my way across boxes. Gruffydd.” “But courting you for months. and our plates with bread and meat and green stuff beside it. Gruffydd. be so good.” said Mr. “Bron. to look helpless. but instead of better I felt worse nearer home. and collecting the pots. Angharad.” said Mr. If I wanted him I could have him.” “Right. and Ceinwen laughing at the ceiling with her hands together. “I am sure it is wrong. going to him. and your books. When you are afraid. and a door with little pillars and a sea-shell porch outside.” “I am afraid. and come back for fresh strawberry tart. and on my living for enough to exist. and it will have you doing the most senseless things for minutes on end before your courage comes to you and takes you to do the thing you fear.” I said.” he said. “but still it seems wrong. any more than poverty of the spirit. standing now.” said Mr. there seems to be a centre in the mind that requires time before it gives the orders for you to go. “Poverty is not a virtue. “Your Mama has done everything to him except put onions and grill with cheese.” “Did you hit hard. “Care a little more for your own business. and while she turned her back to put the pots in the basket I tiptoed down the passage and went up to Bron’s.” Mr. with her fingers spread wide but held soft. Mr.through the door. Rowlands for she was going to live with her daughter. “Now go in and tell Mama. boy?” Bron said.” “Not plenty I want. in a voice with a knotted lash. to the door of his study.” said Angharad. “Afraid of people’s tongues. looking sideways at Mr. I shall see you on Monday next. only because. I went out without answering.” “Good. only gently impatient. “And twice he was on the floor. with weariness. a dear little house with big windows. and wiping the flour from her hands. and stopped there. “I am afraid that you will go threadbare all your life. Gruffydd said.” Angharad said. and he was having the little house by the Chapel. “and less for my sake. “There is more than plenty to be had. again. and presents that had outlived their use to the givers? No. and though she called down. and more minutes while I went to extremes in cleaning my boots. “Your mother is always saying how happy she is to know you will have plenty all your days. I ran in snowdrifts. Motshill came in. I went in Bron’s. “Five times in all.” Mr. but not angry. “Morgan.

Did Master Morgan ever hear of Socrates?” “Yes. Evans slipped beneath a tram on the low level. Gruffydd these weeks. He has the grace to be sorry. Huw.” That week went past me as though carried on the shoulders by a couple of slugs. Only for Monday to come. Gruffydd said. In I went and stood. But Socrates was a man. too. Gruffydd again. to know whether I was in or out. Mr. for it was plain that a knowing eye had observed that just proportion. and noble because of it. . made in the image of God. “Because they desecrated a holy place. I climbed the shed and through the window to bed.” I said. Jonas on the floor. “Then kindly read the argument concerning the laws of the land between himself. Angharad came to me toward the end of the week and said Mr.” said my mother. We will see what is said when you go back there on Monday. so good I did feel. and tapping her thimble on the stone in the sock. now. Hit your master? A mere boy lifting his hand against a man set over him in authority?” “I lost my temper.” I said. But he must spill blood first.” I could have carried fifty shelves on my little fingers. boy. “I have been sent from school.” “Mr. and he must feel sorry. dear.back window. “Eat plenty. sir. I am ashamed down to my very shadow. dear. “Bring in the wood. “Two thousand and more years ago that was written. and that was one of them. “Bron told me. “The fault is on both sides.” I said. to satisfy his precious temper. indeed. And when I had had enough of that. “I am going to start my furniture. “Did you give him a good kick?” Mama asked me. did you? Temper.” I said. I was off down there at a run. and cleaned the old engine till it shone gold and silver and I was sick of the sight of it. Gruffydd had other notions about it. Gruffydd said. indeed. and you shall have ten sovereigns.” I said. “and shame to us that with all our fine educational schemes we still find a young bully putting his silly fists into the face of one set in authority over him. So when we are put upon. Motshill said he wanted to put me in the examination for university. the drawings would have made you almost cry with pleasure. and make a fresh start. so I will say nothing. next morning. first? No. to sit in the darkness on the covered engine.” she said. elegant curve. Gruffydd. Lines that started at the top and finished at the floor in a long. “But I might have done just the same.” Well. and whitewashed the front of the house. “Here are the drawings. “Can you come. “Your brothers could have had it. and roundnesses and squarenesses. and slunk round our back. but with craft. Huw. Mama. Never have I heard such a shameful thing. “Eat. sir. would help you out of your trouble. Gruffydd wanted some help at the little house. Mr.” I went to Plato and found the place. But Master Morgan must lose his temper and hit his teacher to the floor.” he said. and Crito.” The saw had not rasped an inch in the wood when Isaac Wynn came to knock on the front and run in straight from the pit. You win the first examination. as with a sound of trumpets. “Come you.” said Mr.” I said. Is it?” “Yes. “Shelves.” Slink from the little house I did. Dada. “I should have been there.” “But I had Mr. But Mr. and see Mr. Not even when they were going to kill Him. when I told him. you. and did as much to the garden as I could. and reaching for breath. and hear his voice. “No. Even did he take his own life rather than offend the laws of the state. we must lose our tempers and hit. “You lost your temper. and up the hill. We will see what next after that. and pointed to the book. Did you think.” I said. and down went the curtain. and with every word to writhe. “Master Plato shall instruct you. “but the stubborn mules would go to work instead.” I said. “Well?” said my mother. “Think shame to yourself. for there are times when bed is the only place on earth where peace is to be had.” he said.” I said. “Good. Mama.” he said. that the craftsman has set his hand and raised his monument. I cleaned the fowl houses and put in pieces of wood where the foxes had been nosing. or made to feel our places.” my father said.” Mr. and held out his hand. which not merely balances design but gives to it that dignity which announces. “Thank you. “You lost your temper. “Sorry?” Mr. “There is beautiful. “but never against the law or constituted authority. and when I went in he smiled as he had used to. Gruffydd. or gainsay the word of those placed in authority over him. Huw Morgan. Go on. Well. “Eh. my son. with simplicity. and we will measure off. no bumps or knobs or silly bits. with enough contempt to cover the slag. as though that. Oh. and Bron’s. and that was all. and grow brains.” he said. well. in no voice at all. Gruffydd. It is another strange thing that if you have something on your conscience and you expect punishment you will stand in the most uncomfortable way. Gruffydd. that shining great one. Did Master Morgan? Go from me.” I said. We shall find you on the gallows tree yet. eh? Did you ever hear of Jesus Christ? Did He lose His temper?” “With the money-changers. Mama. Go you. sir. “You hit your master?” he said.” said Mr.” Mama said. “Come. and in.” said Mr.” “I am sorry. and every hair in his beard seemed to rise. and feeling I had a grievance sore as a wound in the chest.” I said. yes.” my father said. and her voice dull behind the window.” my mother said. “Mr. “I have wanted somebody to take those book-shelves down to Mr.

then.” I said. Iestyn had gone to London with his uncles. He will wait till the shoes do rot on his feet. and sat on the plank. for Ellis saw him going up to the farms on the mountain. Gruffydd was out of the house and running long before Isaac Wynn had started. whose wheel had turned night and day through the years to enrich him. “Twenty-five pounds a year. Not for us. “Leave me to be by myself. Two good men and make a choice. Gruffydd shall have it all the harder.” Bron said. every chapel. black. too. when it was not half gone by. again. so I picked them up. Never had I seen so many people. with all the legs moving. and long. Huw. Gruffydd came in. and up. “Though why poor.” “Ten shillings a week?” I asked her. I might have saved myself trouble. Not only did people walk over the mountain behind and before. Not much poor in that. “will you take me to hear the nightingales one night?” “Nightingales?” I said. and glad to be out of it. I went back to cutting wood till Mr. He must have spent his days in front of black-edged paper. Angharad was with my mother and father. Women came from their doors and quietly called in their children. My mother said nothing when I told her. Gruffydd came nowhere near our house for days. but they only say the strike has swallowed all and let Mr. but I had the kettle on before she was near the house. He looked ill. Bron?” I asked her. But we knew he was at his work. and next day my mother sent her with Ceridwen up to the farm to be out of the way. girl.Gruffydd?” Mr.” “So Iestyn will have Angharad. Iestyn is a rich man. “By keeping our mouths shut. Old Evans had passed away among his own men. and now. when nightingales are ready. boy. Old Evans had a funeral that looked to be never ending. Gruffydd? Only ten old shillings a week?” “If they remember to pay. “For Mr. me. him. where all was spotless white. and while I was coming back I heard the hymn. sir.” he said. even though I reminded her.” I said. watching from half-way up the Hill. He is near to forty. sad lines of red faces. “I hope. and standing still.” Bron said. had turned once more to carry him up to die. Back to school I went on the Monday and very anxious I felt every step of the way. at the last. in the winding-house that he had helped to build.” When Angharad came from the funeral she went straight to bed. There is sorry I am. and he had big meetings every night of the week in Chapel.” she said. shining with soap and redder and shinier because of the snow. every ironworks.” “Yes. and home. “Poor Angharad. “Home. and not one morning except Sunday was missed all the time he was away. sometimes ragged.” said Bron.” he said. the little house was always closed. Not for a hundred gold sovereigns a week. there is no telling.” she said. perhaps more. and off after him.” “How can we help him. and went to cut the bread as though she hated it. and up. I was with Bronwen. men were taking off their caps. and not a word will he say.” . The village was full of people standing still while the hymn rose sternly from the pithead and the wind sighed miserably. every customer and agent. “Will I come after dinner to finish?” “No. but he left hat and overcoat.” Bron said. Gruffydd wait. and pretended she was only going that way for thread for her mother. She is going on for eighteen. And a poor man to the end of his days. Gruffydd?” I asked her. Every colliery.” Bron said. “Huw. “His trouble is conscience. never stopping. and near to dead in the eyes. and the muttering of women’s skirts going up.” “Do you think she will have Mr. every society and choir and football team came over in strength. Every morning Ellis came with a fat letter for Angharad that Bron took up to her. for when I got to the pit they had brought Old Evans up and put him in the winding-house.” she said. and surprised. you shall come. except about the collar in the men and to the nose in the women. “in three months. so poor Mr. from top to toe. “If Mr. just behind Iestyn. “Marry a preacher and you marry the Chapel. Gruffydd will have her. “It is winter. “Right.” “Is he poor?” I asked her. but though we passed Meredith the Haberdasher she made no move to go in. “Ask your good mother to excuse me from dinner to-day. We said nothing very much till we got to the gate and then she hung back because boys and girls were crowded about it. “back to the house and a good cup of tea. Mr. “Your mother has had that from your father in ten days many a time not very long ago. “Your Dada has been on to them now for weeks. Gruffydd will be talking for himself when he wants. who sold the output. All the way down the street. and Mr. and when he did. and whenever I went down there to help with the furniture. Hymn on hymn for miles.” Bron said. sometimes together.” So out I went. And when the hymn stopped for a moment you heard the tramp and squeak of best boots. I will tell you when. and surprised now outside words. and his two uncles from London. but she gave a look at Angharad who had been crying on the stool by the fire and clicked her tongue. everyone. “Mr. I was sorry to see his face. every railway yard. but almost every foot of the way up was lined with people from all the other valleys. now. Ceinwen met me down by the ironworks.” So we ran up all the way. “Come you. and came back. Gruffydd. and the snow giving a marvellous polish to the hundreds of top-hats. then?” I said. And black. us. black. and four other preachers. and a muffler.” “Well. so I gave the things to the lamp-man. as far as the sound would reach. long. and stood.

and putting on his glasses.” I said. behind me.” I said. “Good morning. I saw him come from the infants’ door and walk away with his hands in his pockets. the one just before they came to Standard One. “Well. Well.” said Mr. there is a surprise I had when the class came in. . sir. while I resolved to repay a thousandfold the kindness of Mr. Nothing less than confounded. and going hot. and shuddered with gratitude to be free of it myself. Motshill. in gold.” he said. I made certain I would have it there if I had to bleed from the brains. and my breath was stopped. but cool. sir. there was Mr. cold or hot.” I said. “Are you sorry for what you did?” “Yes. but not comfortable. and then pleased. Morgan. Jonas.” I said. with his cuffs pushed up and his wrists red. everything too little. and so silly. glad to be alone to crush the tears that were coming to my eyes. “Yes. but it made me feel sick.” said Mr. and he smiled to see me. sir. and of the little children. Tyser. There was a look about his back that made me feel sorry for him. and tried to imagine a board with only my name on it. Work. understand. when the blood inside my body froze and yet was boiling. “A promise. and his heels dragged. I thought of the smile. you. mind. Out in the playground at dinner-time I had another surprise. for one shoulder hung down lower than the other so that his coat had a big crease at the back. It is strange how kindness will bring tears. smiling and wishing me good morning. looking up at the window to see if they were clear.“Right. “I hope it is a good morning. Instead of Mr. but just on the top. and felt the surprise hardening my face. but I squeezed it from me with one look at the study door. and went in the class. “Are you prepared to work harder than you have been doing?” he asked me. Motshill.” I said. Jonas was in charge of the infants’ class. with boys and girls of seven and eight. there between the picture of the last headmaster and the board with the boys who had gained other awards. until I was surprised to find myself swelling up as though I had become someone of importance. grim feeling. and then came to me a grim.” she said. and wiping his glasses. but then pretended not to notice and went to his books. and angry. “I shall expect to be confounded with pleasure when I open your books on Friday next. as though he cared nothing if they were in or out. “Then go to your classroom. So glad I was to see him that I stared. not looking at me. Motshill.” “A promise. and I shook. O. Morgan. I went through the crowd and they made way very civil. and his hands were not right in the pockets. sir. Nothing would be too much. Mr.” “Yes. I thought pity for them. I had another look at the boards on the wall while I waited for Mr. Motshill.

and grass is just poking through. she folded the paper to put in the cupboard. and a pleasure to wear. and by the time we got to Hwfa Williams I was ready to drop. A good look at a shirt tail would put life in her. five of the evening. Good tweed from the cloth mill.” “Well. Many and many a time I saw my mother clean them inside.” Hwfa said.” said my father. with impatience. “What. and black for himself and my brothers. “in case. It may take the roof off.” said my father. “Yes. but there. “Five on the evening of Thursday.” said old Twm. in case.” old Twm shouted. she put paper on the sill and climbed on it from the stool to reach. and that my father took for Olwen and Gareth to have little cloaks. who kept the writings and the patterns. and coming very practical. to hell with you. for the dear love of God. Morgan?” Hwfa asked my father.” “The boy will learn quick enough. collar to waistcoat. She could reach up to the third line on tip-toe. barely to be seen. and then to the glass in the cupboard. It would take me ten generations to move it from you with a shovel. when leaf has been put down about three months before. now. with needles sticking from the side of his mouth and all over his waistcoat. and old Hwfa Williams to cut it and sew it cross-legs on the floor in his little shop. man. man. and to hell with Nan Mardy and this old fool by here. and always a friend to you. and a grey.” “Never mind to talk of Nan Mardy. and I feel your pain.” I said. Poor little house. out of temper. do up the top. I am glad now that I took so many out and gave them away for it was good glass. “Long trews or short. The next movement. “Mr.” Hwfa said. and canes with tassels. you?” “In case he do have his trews about his boot-tops and the shirt tails above his chin. My father bought a bolt of it for my mother and sisters. “long. I had a brown tweed. and I could have swung on the beams. All I have got are the clothes on me. “Master Huw Morgan. The first time I went in there was with my father to have my measures taken so that he would know how much tweed to buy from the mill. and for the sixth.” said Hwfa.” I said. “O. only saying I was. and turned to look through the window that was covered with pictures of elegant gentlemen with narrow waists and trews tight at the ankles. We went from there like journeymen loaded for a trip to the Indies. I was aching all over and shouting at him in my mind for him to say yes. “Yes. and those couple of shirts and socks that I will take with me in the little blue cloth. “Fitting for Master Huw Morgan. and honest. and every pot. There is a lovely smell with tweed. Thursday next. A lovely roundness they had to them. I said. Almost I can see your little face crooked with pain and looking at me to help you. The next to go will be the doors downstairs or the panes up here. please to guard your tongue while this boy is near you. “Front pocket trews. and almost as soft to the touch.” said my father. and looking through the window again.” Old Twm said.” said Hwfa. and my father looked at me. in case.” Hwfa said. and his eyes smiling and shining at me like little blue shoe-buttons. the next downward slip of that heap outside there is bound to cover the house. with capes. for the fourth and fifth she used the stool. But I am helpless. is it?” My father looked at me.” “Come you. looking from the side as though they were rising from the pane as a pastry crust will rise from the edges of the dish. and his blue shoe-buttons went first to me and then to my father. of course. and the shoe-buttons flying everywhere. That. with all these hundreds of tons bearing down upon you. piece of glass. and a pleasure to clean. Huw. please.” “In case. and window-pane shone at the end of it. made in a day when men did the rolling by hand. “Shall he be a man or stay a boy?” “O. and put braid on coats and sewed buttonholes. You are grown. now. is it?” “Good afternoon. Williams. Hwfa . of the earth and of humankind. so heavy was my share. for window-day was glass-and-china-day. and we watched a piece come from the loom in green. Dada.Chapter Twenty-Two THE GLASS IN THE KITCHEN window-panes has fallen in at last. Dada. and speaking to old Twm. too. the colour of a ploughed field in the pebbly soil. you old fool. I hear you groaning. “Right. gave the stool a good polish. Down we went to the mill and inside the yard. you. Flaps to top waistcoat pockets?” And the shoe-buttons went again to my father. now. Mr. “Very well. and put it back by the fire.” “Four button front. I used to have such plenty. Good it is. “long trews. “Mind your own shirt tails and let everybody else mind his and devil fly off with old Nan. all business now. Two and a half yards. Then she got down and looked at it from the side to see if she had left any marks. and not even a shovel I have got to my name. my little one. “And Nan Mardy coming in at half-past the hour for a three-quarter coat and a rain-cloak with black braid and pockets both sides. and if she had not.” Hwfa shouted back. and I pulled the door the harder to have more noise from the bell. the colour of spring rain. and through the low doorway into the weaving-room.” my father said. so clearly and bright they shone. And Hwfa rubbed his thimble along his bottom lip.

not knowing whether to go in or stay out. with her hands in the froth. and the sun strong upon her.” Ianto said. As for Blethyn. and putting on his glasses to read. She will pull the hairs from his head. and just as ready to wipe up after supper. And if ever a girl had less fuss in her I would like to put eyes on her. “Ellis just gave it to me. It was as though an extra light had gone out inside her. and Ceridwen’s bottom drawer was full. in a grey bowler hat and black-and-white check suit. Up comes a shirt of my father’s frothed with soap. Leave him. with a smile that would go to the heart as a spear. and then curled round the handle.was still shouting and old Twm was swearing back at him when we were two houses away.” Indeed. she tickled the back of his head with her fingers. slap against the board. Dada?” I asked him. and we shall all be happy. “he has got the money. and Angharad’s marriage to Iestyn. and it came to me that Tegwen and Ceinwen had the same look.” my mother said of them. She was his eyes. lovely. . “Owen. fists up then. a heated fogginess within.” my mother said. But Angharad and Iestyn. polished like a piece of furniture. and Angharad was ready enough to be kissed. and Ceinwen Phillips. that clouded their eyes. and smiling with a lot up his sleeve. scratch the next. But she never once looked as I had seen Ceridwen look.” “By post?” my father said. his heart.” said my father. For that. Arms round now. Then Ianto gave him a wink and a nod. When we went in my mother was still having her temper out of the clothes in the washtub. but gently not to hurt. and he smiled as though he had caught a finger in the door. rub. now then. and froth flying. Wait till Miss Angharad sees him. when she saw him. “Kiss one moment. Ceridwen and Blethyn were going to marry as soon as their house in the next Valley was ready. “From who is it?” my mother asked him. up to the house he came in a new dark blue gig with red lining round the wheels. and sometimes pulled the lobe of his ear. and she laughed. and went to the kitchen. and went in as to a lion’s den. and climbed up on the seat. I could have cried to watch. then. yet left them clear. Then Ianto came in with The Times one night. But let him wait to dress like that till he can wear them with comfort. I never felt for Iestyn that pity I felt for Blethyn. “Him. with a white stock and pearl pin. “Did you see him?” my mother asked us. Kiss and Scratch. in two weeks’ time. with knots in her mane and four white socks. and a little bay mare.” Again I had that feeling in me of helpless heat at being denied to know a matter which only a few words would explain. and he took her for a walk after. and quickly she screws it round and round. It is no matter to me a bit. they were not a bit like Ceridwen and Blethyn. Yet there was something wrong that I could only feel. and drove up the Hill toward the farm. for she looked just the same. too. I made my mind firm to know about it. slap. so pretty she was.” said Ianto. their house was going up brick by brick in front of their eyes. As soon as Iestyn was back from London. “Mr. and frowning. with that happiness that is not of the earth. and showed my mother and father a piece on the left of the front page with ink marks round it. Then I thought of Bron.” “Money or not. “Well. “Who from. and his soul. and tried to think of someone who would tell me without laughing at me.” said Ianto. “then Nan shall mind hers.” “Well. if he can afford to dress like that. now. but although they were smiling at one another. “Yes. “There is a lovely little mare. and she nodded. slap with the shirt. and a bit of her hair falling from under this little blue cloth. A light flew to my mother’s eyes and flew out again to make you wonder if you saw it or not. Iestyn was there for supper.” “Mare?” my mother said. well.” said my father. and rub. with a short barrel and a neck that came round like the top of a letter S. My mother’s hands fell to her lap and she looked about the kitchen as though the house was going from her. or made me laugh. and I knew with warmth that I had the right answer. and trying to blow away the hair with her eyes going up at it. And her little shoes shining like silver with her. they knew they were going to be married. and gave us all a wink of discomfort. Iestyn. There is a swell for you.” Next day Angharad came home just after I came from school. and looking at us. Iestyn was fierce to kiss her when he thought they were unseen. and my father looked at me and smiled. “Yes. He never once made me sad as Blethyn did.” “Well. I will chase them from the house with a dishcloth if there is more of it. There seemed nothing wrong with her. my mother had cause to complain. and soapy from her impatient hand trying to push it away. He was in pain with him to have them on his back. and it was funny and yet sad to see his eyes upon her going with her wherever she went. and brown boots. from who?” my mother said. Tegwen Beynon I thought of. Out he came again in a minute. nobody lived within a yard of her. “Why will a good look at a shirt tail put life in Nan Mardy. their furniture was bought. I mean. with a white lash that came round in a beautiful curve at the top. Mama? Guess. Ceridwen and Blethyn made no fuss about their match. But there was a look that I remembered in their eyes. And if she passed him. He took off the bowler hat and gave her a bow with his good morning. and a polished brass rail with a long brass holder for a hickory and ivory coach whip. and slap. and Mrs. “Mind your business. and hanging down across her face. and he looked up at her. “let him dress in satin and diamonds. looking at him straight. then. Iestyn stood with the bowler going round and round in his hands.” said Ianto. so there was no need for fuss. indeed. rub till it was a wonder there was shirt or board. for they were happy. for I felt they knew much more about the things that the grown-ups wanted to keep to themselves than I did. put the rug about his knees. and so proud of her red leather bridle. when the world could tumble to blue ruin and it would be no matter. I was having the new suits.

any time I care to choose. Gwil. Huw?” “No. son of the late Mr.” Iestyn said. I could feel his look. I know nothing of it. man. from the youngest up.” he said. There are plenty of other women in this world. “Owen sent the paper from London.” I said. Have you any objection?” “Yes.” He got up and looked again. and she held on to him. I love you. so I put my head from the door and gave her a whistle.” my father said.” I said. and went round our back as though witches were at him with besoms. Gruffydd said. then?” Angharad asked Iestyn. save your partner a cup of tea. Iestyn comes back.” I said.” “Please to tell me who sent the paper. Why have you kissed me if marriage was out of your mind?” “I am Angharad Morgan. Are we a lot of pagans. home soon. Does she ever see anything of that Gruffydd fellow?” “Who am I to say?” I said.” I said.” said Mr. A marriage has been arranged between Iestyn Dylan Evans.” said Iestyn. again?” “O.” he said. Christmas Dylan Evans.” “What is this. and back to the wheel. “The Times has come from London.” she said. with knives.” my mother said. His father not cold.” Angharad said. “Please to finish your tea first. I announced our engagement in the Press in a proper and suitable manner. “Damn all women to hell’s everlasting depths. with a frown up at him. and though his eyes were not to be seen. Morgan. I will be consulted if there is arranging to be done.Ianto put his arms about her. because a bit of a boy has no father to say yes and no?” I was out in the back when I heard Angharad coming back with Iestyn. “You must marry me.” “Am I the father of Angharad Morgan?” my father said. in a whisper. and looked round as I blew out the lamp. “Watch out. Gruffydd. “Buy barley sugar for your little bay mare. “Angharad. and still wet about the eyes.” “Leave it now. so deep. and piling up through the darkness at her. You must. You must. and a crack coming to her voice. “And if you want Angharad. “and from where?” “Owen. and her breath quick. “and say who it is from. and a small smile. “Never met such a crowd. and my father has got basins out for your blood.” “God damn. “Huw. Huw.” Iestyn said.” “The whole family the same.” Ianto said. and put hand to pocket. “Evans. not before. and put cake in his mouth. now. in wonder. “Leave me.” my father said. bending down to her. with the back door closing to rock the house.” Iestyn said. with big eyes. “you will drive me crazy. and no showing off. so pleading.” my mother said.” “Get up. “Who has been busy-bodying?” “Engagement?” Angharad said. Gruffydd. Come in two days and you shall have yes or no. I am going to bed. and the sounds of night were not loud enough to smother the silence of his fury. the rascals.” “Here is half a crown for you. between you.” said my father. and pouring us out a cup each and coming with the plates. “Who are you to engage me without a word?” “What are you talking about?” Iestyn said.” Angharad said.” said Mr.” “Harm to me. and old papers after. no words.” said Iestyn. “Angharad. looking again at the writing. Iestyn Evans when I do see him. And he says will we let Angharad marry this fool. “you have made a mistake. “Now just. Why are you so cruel to me?” And on his knees he fell. flying. If a marriage has been arranged. my darling. “or am I a marriage-broker?” “Swanking. and I can have my choice.” Mr. “Have you got a loose tongue. now. Gruffydd.” Angharad said. “Wait till Mr.” “Thank God my boys are safe. you Iestyn. my God. “Come. thank you. read. with his arms about her waist.” said Mr. then. he had reasons. Angharad. and Mrs.” And she was gone before he could move.” my father said to the paper. he was. “But I will read something to Mr. Gruffydd was running a wheel to shape chair legs. When?” “Not a word about it. as though a strangler was at work on him. “Goodness gracious me. I will put a bit between his jaws before he is an hour older. so woeful. sir. pretty. “but no harm. boy. and got up. “Go to hell.” my mother said. I love you. But after. Good night. when Angharad came in with tea and cake. in anger. Down at the little house next day I was busy planing lengths of walnut for the top of a writing-table. yes?” “Yes. say nothing of other women. and love from both.” my father said. “If he had reasons. “Why the hell have I been coming up here all this time? Why have I been urging marriage on you for weeks?” “Have I said yes?” Angharad asked him. freezing cold. I think that was the only time in his life. “how are you to-day?” “Well. “Well. of Tyn-y-Coed…. “and thank God to have them home. “Not another word. “Good. “Read. and Mr. so shaking to the senses. it shall be read in Chapel properly. “If Angharad is to be married. Mr. Dada. now. Iestyn has got too many English ways. He looked at her. “Will you make yourself a carpet for every fool to see? Go home. or mine.” Angharad said. “If you think you can treat me like this. flat and quick. and slapping her knee with each word. “What have you been doing now. that I felt sorry in my heart for Iestyn Evans. “Our engagement. and the river never ran colder. .” He stopped and looked at my mother with his mouth tight shut. with fists. shaking wood shavings from his trews. and putting this old nonsense in the paper. and so surprised he could hardly say it.” my mother said.” he said. “Shall I talk to you in the next room when you have finished tea?” Angharad asked him as she used to ask my father for pennies to buy sweets.

” said Mr. is it?” “Straight after school. Even the plane was giving it a polish. “To-morrow again. Thomas who had ridden her bed for years ever since a horse had bolted with her and tossed her on the cobbles of a farm. and stopped. for there is nothing to satisfy more than to see a high. “Good night. The wheel started to turn. and Mr.Mr. my son. and a little while passed. Then it started again and went on a little bit. because he had never missed a day to see Mrs. in darkness. thank you. and it was still going when the light had gone and I put my tools in the chest.” I said. Mr. with a reddish grain in the best shape I have ever seen. and kept on. and I left him quiet before the wheel. and watch the grain coming better and with more shape with every peeling that curls from the blade. sir. Good wood it was. Gruffydd went to put his arm about her shoulders. Gruffydd had his wood free from Daniel Thomas the Woodyard. my little one. “I will go to my supper. and closed it behind him. shining smoothness coming to life under your hand. and to bend down to watch the sun lying upon it and enjoying himself.” Mr. on the floor. and stopped for longer. sir. but opened the door instead. Then it started again twice as strong. too. I heard Angharad run from the house. and dry and hard with age. so I was having sweat to finish and go to polish it properly. but I kept my eyes on the planing. now. Gruffydd said. dark. .” “God bless you. Gruffydd came in.” “Thank you. now. “Well. Gruffydd. There is good it is to plane a good piece of wood with a sharp tool. Huw. and no better to be had.” I said.

” my mother said. “I seem to remember her mother with some want-this-take-away-that. so keep from it. so she had packed the best pieces in the cellar till he found sense. Morgan. Huw. She said that some nights he was so angry. now again?” my father said.” my mother said. They have got to live in the house wherever it is. Iestyn with a pout. One week of married life will cure her.” “Hisht. and turned to Angharad and knelt beside her to put her arms about her. “You are going to be another with those brothers of yours. tall talk from a short one. “There now. Then I moved and she looked up. and shaking his head. is it?” Isaac Wynn said.” Angharad wept.” my mother said. but Iestyn wanted to sell it and build a house outside the town. and when Iestyn’s aunt. “Well. Then she put the bakestone on to get hot. “But no matter. when my mother was in a temper with both of them for fighting over what each wanted and the other thought awful. hisht. she cried. when Angharad and Iestyn started to choose where they would live. “Well. and sharp. eh?” “I shall be down the colliery with my father.” I said. But Iestyn was firm against it.” “Yes.” said my father. “what. low and so sad to make you stop thinking what you were doing. “Huw. One night they came back to supper after a walk. That was a surprise. nose high. who looked after him.” I said. and twisting her hands. broken in the heart. Gwil. up at the ceiling. And before the week was out. and ready to give him a good hit on his old nose.” “Never as bad as that. my little one. Angharad?” my mother said. But indeed. and Bronwen and Ceridwen and all my brothers. Ianto and Davy in the front with some men from the union.” “I am going in to Bron’s. But I wanted my supper. to my mother and father and Angharad and Iestyn. now. and a bit of a smile.” “Hisht. and her hair hanging almost to the floor. indeed. But my father was in the back with Iestyn. as soon as he was through the door. so down I went to Bron’s.” he said. Angharad wanted to stay at Tyn-y-Coed. “there is a lucky boy you are. “I will box her ears. “Leave them. and the old smile. and nowhere else in the house to go but upstairs to bed. I was. now.” said my mother. hisht.” my mother said. either. and where they would have the service. My mother went on cooking.” she said. and found her sewing Ivor’s working flannels. My mother went on cooking as though she had heard nothing. take away that. you will have sour looks. and something is wrong in a couple of weeks’ time. So leave them. Iestyn had his way. A rich uncle. boy. O. and rocking her as she did with Olwen. “We will see when it comes true. GRUFFYDD read out the notice of the marriage of Angharad and Iestyn in Chapel the next Sunday. Kiss and scratch. too. And Angharad started to cry. “so good-bye.” Then came the fuss.” said my father.” “O. “a word with you in private. how they would dress for the wedding.” my father said. and wish well.” I said. and little respect to the end of your days. “Well. and got up from the chair clicking his tongue and nodding. with a face like green gooseberries with you?” .” Angharad said. now then.” my mother said.” “I have noticed the young mistress. peach blossom mine. and giving me a pat on the head that with a bit more would have been a clout. what they would put in the house.” “What is it. and I went on with my schoolwork. a good big house. is it?” “Mama. and even me. Angharad wanted to marry in London and then come straight back. What business we had is finished. Angharad sat on the stool. Angharad was pale thunder. Only him. My mother wanted them to marry with Ceridwen and Blethyn to have both lots out of the way on the same day. and a job all your life.” my father said. But he sends me away. with a hand pressing Angharad’s head into her shoulder. “Hisht. then. and full of splendid farmhouse furniture. “go from here. “Mr. and in that Angharad let him have his way. Dry the pretty eyes. Want this. and so it was.Chapter Twenty-Three MR. that over there. “there was a radical change in someone else I know. and my father gave me a wink.” Isaac Wynn said. “I could tell a tale. if you please. “I love him.” he said. angry. and went out. “No business of ours. it was making us silly to see them and hear them whenever they were in the house. and frowning in the fire. “That is all I want. “Iestyn wants to take me away to-morrow to marry in London. and staring. and when our family came out it was hours before we could come from there. with the smile off his face. “What is it. where his fathers had lived for six generations. If you put a word in. she said it was the same over there.” I said. and took Iestyn in the back. looking in the fire.” “That Angharad. Not this. Iestyn wanted to be married in the Chapel in London and then go to Paris and Berlin for a honeymoon. Mama.” she said. too. still with her cloak. that he would smash three and four pots to have ease of his temper. “And not long to wait. came to see my mother. for the people crowded to shake hands and kiss. as though it was no matter. and wiped her hands. my mother called them.

“I am angry with you. Gruffydd said. “but he told me he was sorry he said it in front of me. indeed. There is shaking by the hand. where?” she asked me again.” Mr. of a ripeness.” Bron said. “Have you asked your father. “but you are a boy. stern and cold.” I said. and winter potatoes.” “I will find out from Tegwen Beynon. As you grow older.” I said. Still. “Who told you?” she asked. Huw?” she asked me. and very kind. to the taste not in compare with the wild strawberry. too. but with no anger in his voice. is better.” I said.” I said. for if we come too near. and kissed her quietly upon the mouth.” “Huw. rosy. but a friend before meals and in a garden. yet soft. and got up as though the matter was at an end. There is no wonder to me that we kiss.” “I will speak to him. breath joins breath. very quiet. is it?” So we had supper together. so things will come plainer and your brain stronger to meet them. “Angharad in the kitchen with Mama. have a name. but still. and a nuisance in winter. “and he said to mind my business.“Iestyn in the back with Dada. and hot to think that Bron had told on me again. There is nothing to be done with the ear. and smiling her smile that was not a smile.” “I thought you would be angry with me. is it?” “Right. treasurer of tastes and succulences. So I kissed Bronwen for the first time. “Huw.” Bron put her arm round me and kissed my forehead.” Bronwen said. Bron. “And I am hungry. afraid and yet brave with a gladness. with too little feeling and too far from the organs of taste and smell. of course. as though she had just reached the best part of it.” “If I knew I was doing right. warning. is not to be imparted by any woman.” I said. warmth is enwarmed. they go crossed and everything comes twice to the sight without good from one or other. too.” I said. Huw. next afternoon. “there was a matter you wanted to know from your sister-in-law yesterday. “he will strap you and you will go on your way just the same and God knows the harm.” I said. and home of the noble tongue. with fright. wiping her eyes and swallowing and finishing her laugh with big breaths.” I said. “Come you.” he said.” she said. Have you had supper?” “No. and off she went again. and we kiss with the mouth because it is part of the head and of the organs of taste and smell. Now then. only the leeks were a bit old. or I will be told. and not wanting to say anything. but there is nothing good to the taste about the nose.” “I will.” she said. and ran. “He said it would do her good. To rub a nose like the blacks. “Why does everybody treat me like little Gareth?” I said.” Bronwen said. I want to know why. “I will know or I will find out. “If I tell your father of this. “Where did you hear that?” “From Ianto. and tongues commune in a soundless language. With the eyes we can do nothing. And its portals are firm.” I said. now. for Ivor was on night shift.” she said. yet if the taste of kisses went. She had a beautiful laugh. Have you asked Mr. and taste joins taste. It is temple of the voice. “but I know my answer. and strawberries came the year round. “Why will it do Nan Mardy good to look at a shirt tail? How do whores get money that should come to us?” “Hisht. I will think it over for a day. in all its silliness. “if you have words with that slut of a girl be careful to come nowhere near this house again. That should be enough.” I said.” Bron said.” I said. “Will you have more to eat?” “I will have an answer to the question.” I said. mouth wide. not to have time to think to change my mind. that we think is so silly. keeper of breath and its giving out. but I was coming restless before she wiped her eyes. and me watching. so back we come to the mouth. Bron. “Bron. “Poor Angharad. I am hurt to think you would go to anyone other than me for knowledge. I would tell you now. now. my little one. and not sorry. yet wanting to laugh with her. Yet a shaking of hands is not enough to give a vent to all kinds of feeling.” she said. and generous in tone. and I will make you a basin of broth.” Bron was round the table and holding me by the collar in a moment. Gruffydd?” “I could. and the length of an arm from the heart. and in women with a crinkling red tenderness. but I could find no meaning in her face.” she said. with Bron to smile across the table. or know a life in the pitiful faults of speech. indeed.” “It is pity about you. but joking. on a higher note. and got up. lovely. there it is. and have no worry about such things. only a piece of old bone pushing out of the face. “Yes. Huw. and lovely it was. ready to throw something. is the kiss. full and deep. And knowledge of that sort. There is strange.” I said. “Huw. boy. and then she lifted her chin in shouting laughter. with a warmth. and the bacon was a little on the briny. and those things are said that cannot find a shape. and yet not strange. “go you home to bed. She looked at me from one eye to another. It is strange because it mixes silliness with tragedy.” Bron said. and I was sorry. “Hwfa Williams. sir. “Thank you. . and blushing like a fool. teeth shining. “why would it do Nan Mardy good to see a shirt tail?” Bronwen stared and stared with her spoon spilling soup. “She knows. and I might be wrong. unlike the rest of the face. “If I am fit to instruct you in the Word of God. No peace in the house. and in a rush. now.” “She will do all she can to make him break off. eyes closed. Huw. half of joy would be gone from the world.” “Good night. and far from the brain. “Where. for when mouth comes to mouth.” “You will understand one day. and yet not strange because there is good reason for it. “Good night. The hand is too hard and too used to doing all things. too.

” “Good. Gruffydd. a father from a mother?” “Well. day by day. and a splendid mystery. How did he make it? With hands. as to babies. indeed. “And what happened?” “She sinned against the tree of knowledge. “Engines from the mind of man. “But where from. and they knew they were naked. “There are men and women. and Eve from Adam. Gruffydd asked me. “and sent them from the Garden. “and we are not. to get in the Bible. and formed thee from the womb.” Mr. “and Abel was a good man. “But why. Now. there is an engine up in your back that Owen made.” Mr. but Cain killed him.” I said. we know.” I said.” said Mr. By a father and mother. too. and saying it only because I could think of nothing else. or you would be knitting instead of fighting. Gruffydd. sir. is it?” “Yes. sir. “A girl is swollen in the chest. why is a man a father.” Mr.” said Mr. Man was born in the image of God. sir.” he said. and the other with smoothness and skirts. before that.” “Fair play. Gruffydd. “We are different below the waist. and still busy with the wheel.” said Mr. Gruffydd. “How. The Word was with God.” said Mr.” “Wait. and God took Woman from the rib of Adam.” I said. “You are having a good try.” I said. babies from the mind of God. but by life itself. and coming to be in a good sweat with the plane.” I said. and the baby comes forth with shape from the womb. and before that. with veins in her face and her hands tearing at the wall. “Good. “Thus saith the Lord that made thee. boy?” Mr. Nothing.” I said. Where did we have Cain and Abel?” “From the Bible. as the children of men and women have been begotten ever since. “And before that?” Mr. Gruffydd asked me. and impatience will gain nothing but confusion. sir. “What is before babies?” “Impatience.” he said. to boy and girl. “but I am learning.” “But how do babies come. But where did Cain and Abel come from?” “They were sons of Adam and Eve. Huw. different?” Mr.” “Good.why am I unfitted to instruct you in the things of His natural goodness?” “No. so a union must come between a man and woman. and hoping for the hole again. and went to start on another leg. sir. sir.” he said. And so with babies. I said. Now.” I said. and took fig leaves. Gruffydd said. For they are little engines. for then you would be under a vow of silence for five years while your master taught you. “Nothing. sir. of the two?” Mr. I could think of. “and girls are flat. Gruffydd.” said Mr. is it?” “Yes. “What then?” “Then came an Angel with a flaming sword. What. and then must come forth in the womb of silver-sand to have shape. “And what after?” “Then Cain and Abel.” “To earn by the sweat of their brows. . sir. the iron-master made the womb of silver-sand for the engine parts to have shape. “They were the sons of Adam and Eve.” I said. sir.” I said. You cannot know until you have had time to learn. Huw. “There are some things you know. Gruffydd. yes?” “Yes. “like in the beginning was the Word. and who put it together? The mother and father.” I said. Gruffydd.” Mr. Gruffydd asked me. sir. Huw?” “It is in the Bible.” “Huw. Gruffydd asked me. is it?” “Yes. Gruffydd.” “I am sorry. and they were begotten. is it?” “Yes. sir?” I asked him. they grow and grow.” I said.” I said. Adam and Eve we have got. “Adam was created.” said Mr. “Pity this is not the school of Pythagoras. Huw. my little one. Do you know the calculus?” “No. “And who is with the womb. going hard with the spindle. from the Word. in his deep voice. and hoping for a deep hole to come under my feet. sir.” I said. but full of wonders. and some things you shall wait to know. sir. and Eve the other. Gruffydd asked me. I had a vision of Mrs. “What makes a man a father? Wherein lies the difference? How do you tell a man from a woman. “So now there was Adam and Eve in the Garden. “And babies are born from the mind. and then to men and women.” said Mr. “Now then. for they are driven not by old oil. Gruffydd.” I said.” “And?” Mr. Gruffydd said.” I said. but instead to stay the same size as they were made. “what?” What. Gruffydd said.” said Mr. my son. “one is with moustache and trews. “Very well.” I said. “Now then. they shall be boys and girls. have them first. Huw. we know. Gruffydd said.” I said. But as engines must have a union between brains and hands. before babies. “one thing at a time. sir. But from the mind. Beynon below me. So God made the womb of warm flesh for the parts of the baby to have shape. “Before to kill them.” I said. But before that. “From the mind of God. is it?” “Yes. “you are different on the outside from a girl. “and gave him to eat of the apple.” said Mr. what do you know of the womb? What is a womb. and going hard with the wheel. “Good.” I said. “Then first things first. and looked up at me.” “Good.” I said. and why is a woman a mother?” “Because Adam is one. There is a wonder for you. babies. and Owen put them together.

” said Mr. Gruffydd said. and a woman is mother.” said Mr. “You will have it within you. “for he will have reached the age of understanding. the seed of man. “or you would be clapped in the madhouse. sir. just as I say now to you. blood of your blood. and cold with surprise.” “But how. He is father because he is different from her. And you must sow to reap.” said Mr. “Yes. sir?” I asked. And the time of sowing the seed of man is at the time of marriage. and stopped the wheel. and in quiet.” I said. Many lives. sir. my son. which is given by God. “Good.“The mother.” Mr. no doubt. and willed to bear fruit of child by the Mind of God. he will know as well you. my son. Think. is it?” “Yes. or there might come a time to call you a wastrel. Is it?” “Yes. There is a time and a season for all things. “What more. “so now we know that a man is father. and even the shine was gone from the table-top. Be careful how you waste your time.” I said. “A joining.” I said. “Now as to the union. and if it is the Will. but his little brain would never grasp what you were saying.” said Mr. sir. Huw. and therefore no children.” I said. with rays of white light coming up from under them and lining their fleeces with hot gold.” I said. How?” “From a union. Huw. first of all. for it was almost dark in the room. Gruffydd. So with man. sheep were black. and barley and corn. “There is wheat.” “Very well. sir. “That is a low joke. he must wait for the season to sow. you. Hwfa meant she would be the better for a husband. “Well. and at that time you will be guardian of the seed of man.” said Mr. That is because you will grow to be a man. then?” “Well. “supposing your mind was on food for as long. looking to you for guidance as you look to God the Father for yours. “A long time.” I said. unify. in another voice. “There is little to be known about you that is unknown to me. “I thought it was something more. a baby shall have shape and life. But in time to come. “please. “You said yourself that you are different on the outside from a girl.” said Mr.” I said.” I said. Would you tell little Gareth about the workings of the engine?” “No. in majesty and in beauty beyond words?” “Yes. and not before. “What does the word mean. Yes?” “Where will I have it. Gruffydd said. but greedy for more. Do you sow wheat out of season? Would you put seeds to earth in snow?” “No. “He would like to know.” he said. not before. Gruffydd. “Impatience. Marriage is the union. that is all. you will unify with the woman who will be your wife. Never mind how impatient the farmer is to have a field of growing corn. then. quick. and it was out before I could stop it. and an idler. sir. sir?” I asked him. and having my voice from the top of my lungs.” I said. sir?” I asked him. again. with trembling.” The sun was on his way down the other side of the mountain. “Shall it be shouted from the house-tops. Huw. sir. Huw?” he asked me.” he said. and ready against the time of the sowing in those parts of you that are different from the girl. sir. is it?” “Yes. Gruffydd.” I said. “And it is sown in the womb. and held up his hands.” he said. Gruffydd said.” I said. “How long have you had your mind on these things. “It is because she is an elderly woman who has had no husband. “Then if you are careful of your own modesty.” Mr. To have the responsibility of a life within you. Something terrible.” said Mr. Huw.” Mr. “It is indeed terrible. and greed made heat within me.” “It is terrible. “Good.” I said. and laughing now. Gruffydd. “or be known for witlessness. “No. Gruffydd. and through that link shall pour your seed. sir?” I asked him. for I felt heavy with knowledge. and as he would point the difference between the grains of two pieces of wood. “Oh. is it?” “Yes. All seed. sir. sir.” said Mr. Huw. “Is that all?” he said. and to know them as flesh of your flesh. “Of course not.” Mr. “Are you going to . Now you want to know how is the seed sown. And all things will follow. “So to have the baby in shape. “Because it will be simple to him. Think to have small children in your own likeness standing at your knee. It is a responsibility that comes with age.” “How do you know about Hwfa. Huw?” he asked. She has a womb within her.” he said. At the time of marriage. if that is all it is?” “Well. “what more is there to know?” “How is the seed sown. “It is exactly that. sir. sir. That is why men and women marry. The time of marriage is the time of the sowing. Gruffydd. and worried. Well?” “But why will it do Nan Mardy good to see the tail of a shirt?” I asked. Gruffydd. “That part of you that is outside is a link to the womb of the woman who is your wife. sir. with no happiness. And he will say to you. sir?” I asked. Gruffydd said. then? Are there to be no proprieties? Do you undress in front of everybody in sight?” “No. with his hand on my head. Think of the miseries and afflictions that can come to those lives beyond the span of your own. made from your own blood.” Mr. would I be in the right to call you a glutton? So in this matter. is that all it is? And you shall say. there must be sown. Gruffydd said. “But why do grown-ups say I am not to know. “You have heard of the seed of man. Gruffydd.” I said. So?” “Is that all. Huw?” “Yes. and against the orange and red of the sky on top.” I said. Can that be anything but terrible. “think how much more so must we be modest about the business of birth.” he said.

through the window. the stiffness passed and the seriousness failed. and free of anger.” “Good. and I was grateful to her. Ianto and Davy went with them. now. “Home to your supper. now. Gruffydd was quiet for moments. Settled down.” “Good night. is it?” “No.” my father said.” I said. “You will have good of it. please. and very quiet.” I said. It was only a little time after that when Iestyn had his way with Angharad and took her to marry in London. in thought. still?” “Yes.” . “There has never been talk of it. And from the looks on their faces. and a letter from Berlin that my mother and father read together. and pushing the wheel against the other wall.” he said.” he said. but keep it to the mornings. and looked at my father straight.” said my mother. Gruffydd. with no news of London. with a word or two. “It is all right with her. “and excuse me again to-night. until. lit white by the paper. but as my father read a page and turned his eyes to watch for my mother to finish. “I told you. my mother patted down her apron.” “Are you coming to-night. now. Wait till she will come home.” said my father. “The place is always ready laid for you. sir.” she said.Dai Bando in the mornings. “Certain. when they had finished. sir?” I asked him. yet. “No worry. We got cards of Calais and Paris from Angharad. Their faces were stiff and serious to start. and no talking about the journey. “Good. but my father and mother stayed at home because they had wanted the wedding at our Chapel. and you shall see. with my mother looking over my father’s shoulder at the window one morning. and went out in the coming darkness with feelings that the world was upside down and the people in it all as silly as cuckoos. Never let them have your time at night. with surprise. she has. and turned their faces from a marriage outside it. sir. and no prize fights.” Mr. putting the tools back in his box. and took her hand. and were putting away their glasses.” I said. “Give your good mother a kiss on the cheek. “Well. No public houses.” said Mr. But now I understood why Bron had held from telling me. I knew better than to ask. Ianto and Davy came back. girl.” “I hope. Good night. sir.

but then the creases that show its newness go from it. in our Chapel one Saturday.” “Good. Huw. For a long time I had waited to have word from my father to go for my suit. “All I am asking is for a bit of chalk. my mother had made my suits. and as sweet in the voice.” said Hwfa. Married together they were. every word of equal weight. on the ceiling and on the floor. “shall we have your bottom from the board. And hang it does.” he said. over my shoulder.” “Scissors. with his shoe-buttons sliding all over the shop. and long on you. coming to be red in the face. enough in the front to fold round you twice. with impatience. and stuck the needle in his waistcoat. “If old Pharaoh could be had from the world to come he would see in you the seventh plague. “Yes. and very delicate in the voice. and fast losing sweetness. and flying into a rage.” said Hwfa. and coming to slit the sleeve in my coat. and the trews too short to be long trews. but indeed the craft of a tailor is beyond all doubt as noble and as secret as any in the world. as soon as I was through the door.” “What. Then I got the word just before my brother said he would marry Wyn when Ceridwen married Blethyn. “When it is trews I will let you know.” “Peace. “going about his business in ways that have gained a name for him wherever men speak of suits for men. with you. indeed. the cuffs down to the tips of your fingers. top coats and covert coat. and ancient beyond the knowledge of man. for once. the first day the snow had been off the ground for months. Down more. with the start of temper. But you will wear what you are given. indeed. on me.” said Old Twm. and rolling over to come up on his hands and knees with grunts and stiffness. then.” said Old Twm. and bit the cotton off. and costumes for women. so that day I ran home from school with a purpose and straight down to Hwfa Williams and Old Twm. “The money you have lost in your time would close up the banks.” Hwfa said. and all articles of attire to be made in cloth for all. and his little shoe-buttons fast on the big brass iron. then?” “I will thank you to hold the tongue. now?” Hwfa took the chalk with slowness. Silence is golden.” “Will we start now?” Old Twm asked him. eh. and bought big because you shall grow in it. Wait.” Hwfa said. “Well. my little one. “A coat I am making. nothing was done. with froth. because if it had been snowing or slush underfoot I should have had to wear my school boots instead of my best. on his feet.” Hwfa said to Old Twm.” “Chalk. To take a bolt of cloth and work with such simple tools as chalk. on Old Twm. you? Down a bit. or bought them from the shop. made. and his eyes all over the face of Old Twm all the time. with lumps in the seat of the trews.” Hwfa shouted. “Wait. and Old Twm had them in his hand as by magic.” Old Twm said. and outfits for riding to hounds. cloaks and rain-cloaks. and stitched faster to finish a little piece. with a thin wedge of chalk on the palm of his hand. and lumps under the arms. you old fool. and it is only a best suit again. and too long past the knee to be short trews.” Old Twm said. old and young. Will you have the collar round his waist?” . and bring from them a suit to fit every little bump and crevice of the body.” The shoe-buttons came to look at me for pity. of course. Before. But to have a suit to your measure. and hands held up with the fingers loose and hanging down ready to start on anything. “More in the shoulder. with sweetness. Every man to his business. “So exodus is only a matter of waiting. with tape and chalk. yes.” said Old Twm. and you will be proud in it for two or three Sundays because it is new. very serious. and none shall say when that was. and you will be home safe to your tea in time for supper.” Old Twm pulled up the cloth at the back only the smallest bit. needle and thread. there is a good feeling.” Hwfa said. “am I fast on a winding wheel to come up with a bump every time some old fool is doing a bit of shouting. and hands on hips to look at Hwfa. “Master Morgan. but there is no feeling to be had from a shop suit because there it is.” “You are right. scissors and hot iron. indeed.” Hwfa said.Chapter Twenty-Four B UT IT WAS LONG AFTER that they came home. dear. Wait. and a piece of chalk with you. in the name of God?” asked Old Twm. now. “Will he have his collar over his ears. long after the weddings of Ceridwen and Blethyn and Davy and Wyn. “Up with the back. I remember. right from the Beginning. without ugliness. for the love of God. if you please?” “Gracious Goodness. “You shall see a master man in his own shop. to rend the heart. is a royal mystery indeed. and there is no sense to wear thick old boots with a good suit. for all mankind has had joy to deck himself. but because Angharad and Iestyn went to London to marry. making little marks with the chalk. “and please to have your orders from me without the pleasure of your voice. and ready to hang on you. “because much longer of this and I will be smelling in my grave and the boy will grow whiskers to the knees. and they were too thick and out of keeping with my best suit of good grey tweed.” said Hwfa. a fitting. “What I am having would put marks against the names of saints. wait. “Shall we see a master tailor using it on a good bit of cloth. There is proud I was to go for my first suit made by hand.

with Hwfa hitting the goose in the iron holder to cover what Old Twm was saying to him. going to sit. my sons.” “Long trews I am having. and went to work on my trews. I know. my little one. for we had missed tea to work. and we were friends. I am at work. “Dada. I was holding up the candles for my father to fit in when he was done with hammering.” said Old Twm.” I said.” said Hwfa. “Owen and Gwil are back. “there is good. there is good you are looking. I suppose?” “Yes. My father.” Old Twm said. with grandness. will you. “Owen. then.” I said. He finished nailing the last one in. and making little marks all over my trews with the chalk.” I said. So I helped Bron to do all that was wanted. “And if you will find a leg of your trews hanging from your necks. Ivor was over the mountain conducting the big choir. sir. I think. “Tighter at the waist. and took the candles from me. We were down at the Chapel. Home to your mother. one of the deacons. giving the hall next to it a bit of paint and a good scrub. “in suffering and in pity. “you have grown a good four inches. “and that sleeve of his is just below the bone of his elbow with him. Ceridwen.” “Huw. man. and no more to come. missing Bron by a hair.” “How is Mama?” Gwilym said.” “We have finished here.” said James. with his hat tipped over his eyes. Come you Friday night and have it hot from the goose.” “Good night. Huw. but standing up on the top step again. There is a day and a night we had when Davy and Wyn and Ceridwen and Blethyn were married.” Down the ladder he came with such a run that it fell from under him. on top of a ladder. flat. Good night.” “Close head. but he jumped and landed and ran forward to meet them. for he is the last of the Gadarene swine. “Bron.” James said. went to mark the front for buttons.” “Thank you. and Owen and Gwil were running to us. “Ask them to have the goodness to come to me. but savage.” said Old Twm. “Come.” said Owen.” said Hwfa. thank God. and half-way up we met Mr.” said my father. and nothing I hated more than killing one of our chickens. “Gwilym. “perhaps that is why. Hwfa dropped his arms and closed his eyes. and polishing chairs ready for the people on Saturday. either. “in the Chapel. and went up the Hill to have a cup of tea with her. plump into the bucket to make a splash and puddle the floor. “Right sleeve short. “Back?” said Mr. Dada. Hwfa and Twm. She has waited long for this moment. Huw. very serious. laughing. “Somebody about the weddings. and lock up. as though it were no business of anybody.” he said.” Old Twm said. raise your eyes from my face. “To-morrow.” said Hwfa. with a suck of a tooth. Hwfa started humming some tune of his own. and off.” said Old Twm.” said my father. leaving behind him the sharp smell of bees-wax and turpentine. Gruffydd was up at a cottage where there was sickness. with hammer and tacks for candle holders. and his hands deep in the pockets of his short coat. “Please to close the head. A look as though witches had come to dance came to his face and the candles dropped from his hand. please?” “Yes. “Now just.” “Bring them in by here. Gruffydd coming down. Hwfa took a big breath. as though ready to use them for a killing at the wink of an eye.” . “Come in the Chapel. now. my sons. with their arms wide. and went to work on the left cuff.” said Hwfa.” said my father. and Mrs. “Who?” “Owen and Gwil. for I knew them and they knew me. “Right sleeve.” I said. Gruffydd.” my father shouted.” “I know. and Mr.” “Shortness in the right sleeve. and no sleep the night before. then he bit his lips. and held up a finger at my father. Jim. “Visitors to see you.” said Hwfa.” Hwfa looked long at me as though he would cry. Then he opened them.” Owen said.” I said. “No. almost in whispers. my little one. Come quick.” said Old Twm.” “Right.“Nothing will surprise me in this place. Lewis and Mrs. “and higher. “There is pretty. James Rowlands. when we came together. Davy.” said James Rowlands.” Old Twm said.” “Take off the coat.” “O? He will give it to you himself. “But special. my little one. walking slowly. girl. for I had chased a chicken in our back for him to take up. see you all is well before to leave. and out he went. if it is no trouble to anybody in the shop. “A master tailor has no need to give a second look to anything. our next-doors. close sense. “would have to be had to find anything so pretty as you. excuse me. he looked over at the door and almost fell from the ladder. and their boys and girls had been at it for hours and just getting the place to look in shape. Collar a bit high in the back. looking as though the worries of the world were in his keeping.” said Old Twm. and still looking ready to cry. Ianto. and with quick side looks at the big shears on the table. and cuffs instead of flaps on your pockets. “A journey of six months of Sundays and a good pair of feet. “There will be buttonholes in the bottoms of his trews before long.” “So my mother said.” “Yes. and putting tables for the tea and cakes. came in the hall from polishing the pulpit in Chapel. you.” said my father. Jones. and Bron and me. O. with smiles.

and in a little space. shamed. but Bron was still quiet. and the smell of hot glue. And Bron has gone to meet Ivor. and all. and I in all of them.” he said.” “Well. Then I was not afraid. I cannot say. my son. “O.” Bronwen said.” “Eh. Huw. the eternal Father. so now. then?” I asked him. and his son. boy. Gruffydd and smiling. to see my son. to Time That Is. and I smiled back. “The girls have gone from the house so we will have to do it or go starving. and it will come back on us. as then. “Why ‘O. Good night. Good night. And their eyes were my eyes. a Man.” “Well. and I was cold. watching the sounding darkness and wondering how men could go about their daily works. she was. I was. and misery with it. “A man you are now. had in the Image. and putting my mind to this fresh burden. and before me.” “Empty he is. But another heat was in me that now I felt. but still Bronwen was red. waiting in the darkness of the Garden for some unknown Eve to tempt me with the apple of her beauty. Huw? So excuse me. To-morrow I will wear my new costume. so it went. with the wind lively about me. “Poor Mr. boy.” Bron said. that we might know our nakedness. to-day as yesterday. eh.” “And my long trews. Yet there I stood. I looked back and saw my father. then?” I asked her. the teas. why. this new treachery that lifted to realms of singing gold.” said Mr. thinking nothing of this mightiness within. He is the same. I remembered the afternoons. yet. the cold pierced through. “Go now. and her eyelids flickered shut. and were to feel. with the boys. and the hand of his father grasped my father’s hand. “Watching the mountain. this pressing fear. Never where you want them. and the silence grew so thick that perhaps a man might rest his weight against it and not make it break.” “Come to the house. why. now just. for all its newness. you shall see. Gruffydd. and the sons upon sons beyond. “Huw.“Good. dear.” She was looking at me. and I knew I had become of Men. Mama is in there. All cloak and heels. now.” “Why?” I asked her. running with the vital blood. looking down into the sugar basin. and in me.” Ianto said. and is not yet. By the time I had lit the lamps the kettle was jumping. too. Good night. for now I was a branch. I saw behind me those who had gone. and bring forth sons and daughters to magnify the Lord our God. I will be glad to meet them to-morrow. while she smiled. “I saw her go. but no blacker than the misery of questions in my mind. “A happy night for your good mother. and his hand was in mine. and as the blood within me thudded through my singing veins. and stood to look up at the mountain that was blacker than the darkness. and put big potatoes in the hot coals with cheese and butter to . and still she sat. “Getting married to-morrow. to cause such a happening. I found a risen newness pillared in my middle. and doubt came down blacker than before.” I said. and coldness blowing through me to take the place of the heat I had just left. when we had gone up a little way.” “She was in the house. a boy again. Because of the look of him. “why are you standing there.” Ianto said. and my unborn son took my right hand. and took the stone from the door and pushed it shut. And I wanted to be as I had been yesterday. and shut the back door quietly. though for what. As I felt. and looking up at him. as to-morrow and for ever.” “I have got work. those who are to come. and in front. “I think I would try to marry him.’ Bron?” I asked her.” I said. There is good. and the cup and saucer shook in my fist. Bron. having no care. nothing done. flung to pits of night. they were of me. so they had felt. as though Ivor was king of Babylon.” Bron said.” “Where is Ceridwen. Nothing had been said. Mr. “and doing a bit of queening in the front room. “No.” I said. To hell with the women. Huw. Morgan. indeed. I would go to sleep now and wake in time to put it on. and I raised my arms and drew tight the muscles of my body. O. come in and watch a couple of pots. and all our fathers. without the heaviness of doubt. and no end. the tools. And yet. And I began to blush.” Bron said. I was of them. “I must finish the furniture. will you?” he said.” So into the kitchen to do some washing up.” “Why. boy? Are you cracked?” “No. up and down the line that stretched from Time That Was. Gruffydd. a goldness opened wide before me. not moving. raised their hands to show the link. their comforts. and with it came the dignity of manhood. for quickly. and his father.” I said. “I have got shoulder of lamb. the foot-rule. and the cup rattled. shame to me or not. in the throat. “Angharad. “Why. “Empty as a split pea pod.” Ianto said. dear. and their pockets. and her eyes changed.” Bron said. Mrs. for I was in a long line that had no beginning. So I went. then.” said Bronwen. She was going redder and redder. looking up at the mountain to borrow some of his peace. but only a quick. and laughing. Courage come to me from the height of the mountain.” I said. so I put it down. in a little voice that cracked to a whisper. her mouth trembled and her smile began to go and in its going she came to blush.” she said. the wood. or when. Then the goldness passed. “and no stains on the cloth if you please. and we found that we were one. Gruffydd?” “If I was single again. for the night was cold. “Is something the matter with Mr. “Yes. too. mindful only of their bellies. So we have got a tidy bit of work in the kitchen as an extra blessing. sharp.” Bronwen said. stupid as a brush. and afraid. fashioned in the Womb by the Will of God.” Bron said. and smiling the old smile. then. as the vision came. so much a part of me that no surprise I had. born of Woman. Son of Man. from the old man. think. happy. “Always why. “I see nothing wrong with him. and knowledge of the Tree of Life. “is it?” “Tea. clear glorying that rose to a shouting might of song in every part of me. boy.

but the same strong grey eye. and make hot a couple of pans for the small fry. They will make fools of themselves in time to come. ungentle nature of the onion. then chop small purple onions very fine. and the bit in the paper about Davy and Wyn. now. “No. is it?” “No.roast. blue willow pattern dish. and for the cress to show his cunning. and polished her tables. cup of tea. for my mother starched her cloths. and still without cracks of heat.” my father said. missing nothing. having a smell to tempt you to eat there and then. boy.” Gwilym said. just a turn of the fingers. I had the sack. gives something more to the appetite. and new radishes.” “So what will you do. or a knife not in the straight. What is going on down here?” “Anything but what is sense. “then. it was. “The best Union of the lot. never allowed to bubble in boiling.” “O. I do like to sit at a table properly laid. dear. Firm in the hand. yet quick to scold if a morsel was left. “you had the sack. seeing all.” Ianto said. “Goodness me.” “John Burns and Cunninghame Graham are getting things done. and the mint can go about his work. “Owen was the foreman. and rest them among green leaves of lettuce. Mama. and for the goodness all about to soften the raw.” “Eh. for then the goodness is from them.” “Why not?” asked Owen. By that time the small fry are bouncing together in the hot butter drips. yes.” said my father. “Nothing but night work the last month and no sleep last night or the night before. or a third helping refused by one of us. for I think the sight of knives and forks in their places. skin them clean. Owen?” Ianto asked him.” “Sevenpence?” my mother said. “If Mama and Dada will have me back. “the surveyor had the sack. for your fingers have an itch to be using them.” my father said. you had the sack. indeed.” Owen said. in a whisper. The fools say that sliding scale wages allow them steady work.” . carrots. and we said Home. or wrinkles.” “Roast beef and mashed. He was broader. were you rolling in money?” “No. when the small sausages are the same colour all round. that is all you will hear.” Owen said.” “Ah.” “This is home to you.” my father said. and you will find the butter and cheese gone into them with as much pleasure as they will soon go into you.” “Are you going back. Owen?” Ianto asked him. And nothing more I hate than a table laid without care.” said Gwilym. My mother was the last to sit. a spoon put the wrong way up. a fork turned aside. and shining with joy to smell so good. then. and the pulling this way and that until you are ready to roll it into a ball and push it in the fire. “Did you have good dinners in London?” my mother asked Owen. and the saucepans for the potch. “So you had the sack?” “Not for that. very hang-dog and talking to his plate. “The men of the valleys are not fools. but I told them to go to hell. and laying a cloth became an exercise in patience almost coming to a waste of time. Indeed. my sons?” my father asked. loading his pipe and smiling. No need. and mix together. potatoes. with glasses and the good furniture of eating. then?” Davy asked. though worth the trouble when done. and pick the leaves of small watercress from the stems. so that the vegetables can mix in warm comfort together and become friendly. “I started a Union.” Gwilym said. give them a turn of the fingers of thyme and sage. Stains on a cloth. “Which one then?” “They are making an underground railway for London. “And happy to be back after that old tunnel.” Owen said. But I would rather scrub a floor than lay a table. an offence to the eye. without good smell. sevenpence.” Gwilym said. and the first to notice an empty plate or an idle knife and fork. will have my thoughts in a knot until they are put right.” “I suppose you told a foreman that. Now call everybody quickly to the table. and an insult to the belly. and cruets. turnips and their tops.” said my father. Nobody will look at the royalties going to butterbellies and lordlings. “with cabbage and Yorkshire.” “No. They cannot be got to look at figures.” said Owen. with a little head of parsley. “and he told the surveyor. blacker in the beard. Her eyes were all over. They found out when we joined the Dockers parade. All the vegetables were boiled slowly in their jackets. “Yes. as usual. The potch will be a creamy colour with something of pink. “But no planning to it. and eat plenty. and coming browner every moment like children in the sun.” Owen said. for good sounds. with the fetch and carry of handfuls of cutlery. Out to the back to mix the potch.” Owen said. and the boss came in and I was sacked on the spot. mix the panful well. “Sliding scale. Then we saw Iestyn’s notice about the wedding. and a squash. and put all on a big. and piles of plates.” said Davy. so I had to instruct him in courtesy. “Not fools. too. Owen had a rise in his wages and a bigger gang. I will put the song of knives and forks next to the song of man. “And there is a man is John Burns. and they are full of water. but too damned well behaved. and on her plate the smallest meal of any. and laying a cloth so that too much is not on one side and too little on the other. As soon as they are the right. shorter and curlier in the hair. “but it is dear in London. with melted butter and the bruisings of mint. tasteless to the mouth. deep colour of brown.” “Working in a tunnel. “We went to cook shops most of the days. So Owen left. I will be. did you? Why?” “Wages and conditions for the men. and jam pudding. and glasses. swedes. “Down the pit. “No.” Gwilym said. “Glad to have a good sleep. Then to lay the tables. Bring the roast potatoes from the coals.” Owen said.” Gwilym said. and put them in a dish and mash with a heavy fork. “He was rude to me. But one night I called a meeting after work. a job I have never liked. parsnips. There is good to see happy faces round a table full of good food. but wait until it has been in the hot oven for five minutes with a cover.

Davy is soloist. and my mother making a face at Gwilym and making it straight again when my father looked up at her. chanting melody that brings fire to the blood. and a new note coming to his voice. laughing. and smiling at us. with chairs and stools.” “There is a petition going in this week. and the Valley waiting quietly for us to fill it with song. Dada?” Owen said. Mama. looking at his pipe.” “I will enjoy to open my lungs again. Dada?” “Weeks. and looked at my mother. “But where is Mr. and we all had places about them.” my mother said. and blueness. Let us sing.” “I hope he does something about his property when he comes back.” “Castle Street. “We heard good choirs at Crystal Palace. and a command to raise up the voice that shall not be denied. Twenty-five all told?” “One thousand.” “Will you starve for ever. it will be my death.” “Wait till you hear our tenors. What will you do when they close the pits?” “I will tell you when there is danger of it. leave it. with all the windows open and people leaning out to sing.” Gwilym said. or come in late and make the noise of the devil with a chair or a dropped umbrella. with big eyes.” I said. and suddenly the room was still. those pretty sounds of many tones that live in the shivering strings of the harp. Then the neighbours began to come in. “And no better for a bit of Oxford. deep as the seas.” said my father. It is for us to honour it. neither will her children. for hours. Leave it. O. as restless. “and Angharad has made a good marriage. And in the quiet.” Owen said. “If I will see Ivor waving a piece of stick. “Mice could shout louder.” “And have six months of starvation for nothing but loss. but hard on the mind and belly. front and back. I would think their voices might come to be like angels to sing for her. and Ceridwen to the piano. Prices are rising. now.” “There is beautiful. Fill it we did. and then Ivor and Bron came in. at all events.” “Choir?” Gwilym said.” “Now. and hummed in surprise. and stern in the eye. him. “What is the use of a petition?” Owen asked. and my mother and father sat in their chairs on each side of the fire. I would. as timeless. “Well.” “O. Hear you. By that time we were so hot and so close together that there was no room for Wyn to play. Pray day and night to be in good voice for her. three hundred and fifty male voices. A fine night it was. indeed we did. boy. Beautiful is the voice rising to the quiet of night. and as . and we were all quiet again. sitting in the street. Did you go to Chapel in London.” said Owen. “For the second time. “Markets are closing every day. “Please to remember that we made a bargain with the owners on sliding scale. “Every single Sunday. “He will be glad to see you to-morrow. too. Wait now. into the street. but not seeing any of us. Worry the Government.” my father said. he told me to tell you. now?” Owen asked. now.” Owen said. She will never want. “no more words. hearing about you the sharp edge of clean notes struck in that moment when fingers touched the single string and the baton arm flew down. “Ivor? Since when. But the tenors were no good. and darkness that moves where she does not.” Gwilym said. with cheers from everybody. and death to children.” my father said.” “Bigger than Caradog?” Owen said. “John Burns has shown you what to do. Make a nuisance of yourself. Gruffydd?” “Working. end one. So be silent about your Union. “And I shall look to see all of us standing in it. now. “Singing before the good little Queen. and shouting from all for him to conduct us. then.” So Wyn went to the harp. Owen?” “Yes. “Such mightiness has not been heard since the Coming of the Dove. now. with the moon pulling silver skirts behind her to brush the top of the mountains. It do look very good in books. one day. and the wind humble to have our voices and saying only a little bit himself to show he had one still. and others again would come out with bread and cheese and cake.” Ianto said. now. too. “Gabriel have put aside his trumpet in shame. I want to hear if London have taken the bells from your voices. Nobody. till Wyn was coming to have blisters on the fingers from pulling the strings. Plenty of time for it when you find yourself cheated.” my father said.” Gwilym said. or rattle paper. so outside we all went.” said my father. then.” “When is the Eisteddfod.” my father said. And we sang. “Ivor is in with his choir. But the singing never stopped. and feel them filling your heart and bring yourself to be ready against the coming of the swift. and home brew in jugs. and put heavy feet on loose boards.” my mother said. either. and sing.” said Davy.” “Tin trumpets. Sometimes you would see a few women go into the house. “and good too.” Owen said. to cough. for the slow pluck of deep chords. hear the sweet. “how is it Angharad came to marry young Evans? Was she senseless?” “Why senseless?” my father said.“I will thank you not to use any language inside the house.” “How many in the choir?” asked Gwilym. and Davy took her from the stool and sat with his arm about her on our window sill.” “A purse-proud ninny. “Old Evans could do what he did because he spoke his men’s language. Quietness. “Six weeks.” my father said.” said Gwilym. and Gwilym looking in Ivor’s pockets for his baton.” said my father. “Nonsense. the gentle voice. now. strong mounting. They will stand no nonsense from this one. in quiet. and faces in white light where the moon smiles upon them. and Owen trying to squeeze the life from her. with her head on his shoulder and his coat on her knees. and a couple of minutes later come out with big teapots. “Dada.” “He is your brother-in-law. The choir is singing before the Queen soon. start the other. “he was always a lout. the voice of your brothers and sisters. and Ivor conducting from the top of a chair in the middle of the Hill. though.

but in the voice of a stranger. and I looked at it from the front and back to give it proper respect. and out in the back to meet my father. Then all the cooking started. and I could only see some shining boot and a bit of turn-up. and another turn round and look. to be standing in your good long trews. for this. and looking me up and down. then. she always looked away and never once did she smile. Bron?” I asked her. Then we laid all the tables. and the cup was big. for Old Mr. in a wide knot. Huw. with the veil caught in a comb at the back. stripped chicken and duck. Mama. well. Jones. sliced bacon and forked sausage until I was sick at the sight of food. Now for the suit. “there is a good boy you are. Huw. and careful in bending again to lace them. Son of Man. than I had. “Well. and did the work of two among the teapots. first of all. and I built fires in troughs outside to take the pots and tins overflowing from the stoves and grates. or lift to his nose. and pulled little bits of cotton from it. with a stiff collar. When the hooter went at noon we ran back up the Hill. “Like the green in trees. and flat. nothing to fold over. and then the other.” she said. “Huw. and some of us went down to the Chapel hall to lay up down there for the Eisteddfod in the evening. and careful to tie my new white tie. I felt good inside and out. very careful again. careful. and with a smile that was nearly crying. though my mind was on what the boys and girls outside would say about me. “Well. “Beautiful. “To-morrow. A sovereign and a bit it cost us for Hwfa. who wanted to sing but felt the cold. then on with the coat. here. but I ran from them. no palmful of cuff. Bron. Then stand. Mama?” I asked her. and looking at the . Huw?” So I knew my mother felt about her costume as I felt about my suit. tight. and held it up to feast upon it. to try and see my trews in the little bit of glass. in a whisper. and you feel the cloth covering your legs all round and down. and with fear for none. polished to see your face. pleasant kindnesses that my mother was busy to do of cutting bread and butter and spreading milk cheese. that Ceridwen had made for me. and well I understand the feeling of gentlemen with sashes round their middles and feathers in their hats.fierce. and pin it with my father’s pin.” But again I felt the foolish newness busy within me and I went from there. the real business of the day began. and went upstairs to put on my long trews. I went to the cupboard and took out her cup and saucer and filled it to take to her. She was just putting on her hat. and she opened her mouth to speak but no words came. Her eyes went big. Then my mother saw me. and set chairs and hang curtains. “Did I say something or do anything to-night?” She was in darkness. and know that in your voice Almighty God may find His dearest pleasure. Who will tell you from a lord. but not in their wedding dresses. indeed. “Tea. but when I looked at her.” he said. and put the buckets of hot water near. and you look and see the creases falling sharp to the top of your foot. but I went up the mountain with Ianto for mushrooms. then she turned away from me. and royal contralto mounts to reach the lowest note of garlanded soprano.” she said. Do you like my costume. I wonder does anything feel better than to put on the first pair of long trews. The house was cleaned from top to bottom. with the neighbours helping. You are brave with glory. But when I went in the house to help my mother with the teapots. with flowers for Ceridwen and Wyn. and put on the waistcoat. Dying.” I said. you balance to have one leg in and draw it on. and then to work with the comb and water to have my hair with a parting. and save the new peas till the last.” she said. But I was feeling elegant. and thankful for the singing all round us. “It was nothing. royal is the feeling. or get the ends on the floor. that Bron had given me. I took the paper from the suit. with Ianto and Davy. Huw. I felt Bronwen looking at me a couple of times outside there. very pretty. Well. Sing then. Baritones pour gold. and that was enough for me.” “What is the matter. yet could not be pushed to go to his bed. I am. a feeling not to be had many times in your life. my little one. and the collar rolling down to button over at the top. basso profundo bends his mighty back to carry all wherever melody shall take them. Most of the men on the Hill had a bit of sleep in chairs till early morning. and hand claps and kisses. and trying to tickle the backs of my legs. where I am sitting. Then we peeled potatoes and sliced vegetables. As soon as they were gone. On with the socks. And under all. Off with my clothes and into a clean shirt. trews first. In came Wyn and Ceridwen then. as you will eat potatoes and meat first. But there it is. and flaps all flat. and she smiled again. “O. and turning me about. Even old Napoleon never felt so good. And I should think so. then I had a dip. and when I went downstairs. and I put baths for my father and brothers out in the back. and putting a hot poker with honey in home-brewed beer. So. but not too tight under the arms. but I saw the moon put her finger on a tear. not to spoil the crease. “Fit?” Mama said. feeling the trews bearing down upon the braces. then?” “Is it fitting me. and feel it snug about you. with the pins ready to stick in. Up on the bed I got then. Pity that the coat and waistcoat cannot go on first. all the furniture was outside to be polished. But it was too small and this little room was too dark. and put her hands together. and helped with the little. even though I looked quickly.” I said. covering her face. In this very room. new too. and going hot. for old ladies with few teeth. cut steaks and chops. and took a basketful back. went down to the colliery to work the morning shift. in her own voice. On with the best boots. Royal. and stand to button them to the braces. and some for my mother and Bron. so that the trews can be saved till last. My father and Ivor. and the pins dropped from her hands and the hat hung upon her head. too. no Queen’s Ambassador to the Court of the Tsar had more straightness in his back. my son. clean curtains were hung and the knives and forks and spoons were given a shine. or firmness to his feet. Tenors spear the clouds with blades that had their keenness from the silversmiths of heaven.

with eight or nine on top of you. in a low curve right into the ready hands of a back. Shoulders and knees are hard at work. straining muscles are working. but red and green jerseys hide the line and form a wall that never shows a gap. “The same as yesterday. fall headlong and are pinned by treading. loud. fall flat. and Cyfartha kicks the ball half-way down the field to our forwards. So into the house again. Red and green kicked the ball down to the line and as I watched it. who lies full length in the mud with his face turned away. two inches. eight against eight. and the fields up the mountain full of grazing horses. with care again. A whistle from Ivor. on. with some of the men looking after them to earn an extra pint. I wished I was back in my old clothes with nothing to feel except hot or cold. The ball travels high. keep closer at the sides. but sometimes the wind is a friend. and coming down against the green. on. push. The fly is down. up on a mound half-way between the goal posts. until. and prettier still when the other team ran on to have some kicking practice. and kept there by the hand of Willie Rees. on. and dogcarts and traps and gigs coming along the mountain road every minute. tries to sell a dummy. Fly. drops in a curve. We are a try and a goal. for inches are between them. more shoulder from the back. The crowd is on its way to a groan. now. A forward has it. when all eyes are on the same spot and all voices are tuned for the same shout. He should have passed to his wing long ago. But I was afraid to eat much in case to spill. push. fall and crawl. and there is the whistle. indeed. so fast that nobody knows till he is on his way toward our touch line with his three-quarters strung behind him and nothing but our full-back in his way. and the tight. but he is greedy and wants the try himself. Down with the ball now. push and squirm. hands grab. and their fly-half has it. he is flat on his back. On. pack up behind and keep close. and sat down. five points. “Take your brothers’ coats down to the field when you have had dinner. The other team came in a brake with four good horses and changed behind the hedge. there are the white posts about you. to the good. In goes the ball. On. and some to lean from the back windows. with an ankle tight in the fist of red and green who lies beneath two yellow and white and only enough of sense and breath to hang on. Dada?” I said. so I was off down to the field with the coats long before the match started. another.” “Yes. “Hwfa have done a creditable job. Now the field was filling. not to be blinded by the slop that will come when the boot leaves his hand empty. very thin. crowd. makes his lucky sign. and how the crowd is laughing.linings of the coat. By that time our team were leaving their houses and there is pretty to see their jerseys coming down the street. The ball rests an inch over the line. and the two sides are packing over him. and looked. for they were all shapes and twitching like the tail of a cow. and hear a shouting that brings all the women to the doors up and down the Hill. But I could do nothing with my nose and mouth. an inch. flat. The fly has been too clever. but before he can so much as feel it properly. and everybody poking fun and saying I was too proud to eat. to watch it rise.” “How do I look. I saw a handkerchief waving below there. and there it is. And my father is laughing so much that his glasses are having trouble to settle on his nose. and then it is that you will think of a pipe and tobacco to round you off. A hand has come from the press below and grasps with the strength of the drowning. no need for it. and glad to have something to do with my hands. But the ball comes free behind the pack. A healthy sound is the tamp of the leather ball on short green grass and pleasant. No pig fits his skin better. proud as proud. laughing . with crowds of people coming down the Hill.” my father said. and the ball on its way. and there is good to sit down with long trews and give the fronts a hitch so that the knees will be free of bag. Ivor went on to referee and spin the coin. and when we won the end with the wind a big cheer went up. and shouts for Davy as he lifts his arms to bind his front men. shout. for Davy has the ball and his forwards are all round him to push through the enemy. who carries away a third. we would have for the first half. Empty it is. and has time to offer his hand to poor Mr. and Ceinwen Phillips was looking at me and her teeth big and white and her eyes nearly closed. push. turns twice. I was glad to be by myself on the field for a little bit and I went to find a good place to see the match. But Cyfartha is like a fisherman’s net. with a couple of boys to tell girls to keep clear. and up on a rising note. and mud is plenty on both. Dada. for the wind always dropped low toward sunset. legs are twisted. And indeed. and the first scrum. with the quiet that is louder than noise. men are going down. and full of colour. and Maldwyn Pugh looks up at the posts. A whistle from Ivor. and on he goes. indeed. and the crowd quiet. deep.” I said. pull the ball into the belly and shield it with your arms. on. and the ball is slipping from him. yellow and white. against blue sky. so what there was of it. with one voice that is long-drawn. that is what I was. with long trews extra. Again the whistle. There I put the coats. for to sell a dummy to Cyfartha is to sell poison to a Borgia. half an inch more. going down the Hill with the boys all staring and taking off my cap to the women. men stumble on top of them. rising now as the fly runs pell-mell and Cyfartha Lewis dances to meet him. Owen and Gwilym are shouting for all they are worth. down with your head. and the captain on the other side takes his run and kicks. and the buttonholing and the way the buttons had been stitched on. a bit disappointed he had gone to look at the work instead of me. Shout. A red and green down in front. louder with the voice in an unwritten hymn to energy and bravery and strength among men. until the square was full of wheels. but now the wind takes it in his arms and gives it a gentle push over the bar. turning itself lazily. push now. It is almost a sign that you are a boy no longer. as though it were enjoying every moment of the trip up there. to hold one another and then to push each other the length of the field. long before I got to the field. and as you watch the ball climb you see the teams running into position to meet one another underneath it. plunging boots. but a wriggle to the side and a butt with the hip loosens it and on. Then see the hats and caps go into the air. bodies heave against bodies. who is bringing himself to think what happened after the mountain fell on him. and takes his run at the ball that rests in its heeled mark. and smelling the richness of new baked cake and bread crusty from the oven. and remember the extra candles for the hall. Red and green jerseys are mixed with yellow and white. Another push now.

now?” “I want a drink of water.” she said.” she said. you go on over to the bridge beyond the Three Bells. very stern. and so hot.” “Drink of water?” my father said. “Through the hedge and along the street to the right. with plenty of spit in the sobs. passing all the people who were looking at me. coats. as . and pity coming to make soft her eyes. and going off into a high pitch of moaning. Dada. for I had no wish to be seen with a girl. for Davy had gone through again. instead of wishing her in the deserts of Egypt. will you? Here is my father. of course. there. girl. she started to cry among all those people who knew me. too. girl. I asked him. My father and Mervyn brought me.” I said.” “Drinking is bad for you when you are hot. and her hair the colour of new hay long about her. he is just like Huw Morgan. in the voice of a small fly. and three hours to get here. trying to hold her chest from troubling.” “Mervyn will take you. and her face to the skies.” “And you let the girl perish for a drop of water?” my father said. and to burn the skin. ready to kill her if only to stop her from making a noise. and hoping there would be enough in the game to keep my brothers busy on it and not on me. “but he is playing well to-day. and in such anger and surprise that there was little voice left in him.” O.” I said. with her mouth drawn down. helpless again. with sniffs and to spare. you rascal. “Have you got a tongue to ask one of us? Go. but watching my brothers from the sides of my eyes to see if they were turning round. You deserve the treatment of a bully. and nothing to do but smile and try to look as though I was glad she had seen me.” I walked from there like a mongrel with my eyes on the grass. There is a good team you have got. and Ceinwen having lovely times.” she was saying.” she said. boy. And I am ready to drop. and no dinner before it.” I said. Tell me what he did. “Coats. “Come on.” I said. boy.” “Ceinwen?” my father said. and with his mouth wide he saw me and looked at Ceinwen.red. give me a little drink of water. but only us two would know what she was saying. “I will give you a drop of water.” I said.” my father said. The girl will go from here thinking we are all savages.” he said. Wait till your mother hears this.” “Yes. I had. “Hit on the door and ask. so high in the throat. “There is cruel you are. looking at Ceinwen and then at me. I said. “No dinner. “Do you know her name. then?” “Yes. and her eyes closed.” “Well. either. with her head on his shoulder. now. “Will you have everybody to see you. and I knew that my brothers would have plenty to say if they saw us together. hisht. now. and blushing. “you are afraid to be seen with me. and pulling a good pout.” my father said. “She is in my school. he is. with red and green ribbon in her hair. Goodness Gracious. I said. And me going from one foot to the other and an itch in my fingers to strangle.” she said. “Hisht. but he was nasty to me.” I said. so dry I am. then?” “Nothing.” “Too early yet.” “Yes. “Is there a drop of water to be had?” “Plenty up at the houses.” he said. so small. “Well.” I said. I will cry. Dada.” I said.” she said. is it?” A man made of thick iron would have to melt like a candle to hear a woman in that voice. and more people turning to see what they were looking at. “I was looking and looking. Dada. “are you mad? Will you refuse a girl what you would be in a rush to do for a dog?” “I had the coats to mind. and quick. pretending to watch the game. I will ask one of my other brothers to look after them. to take the cracks from my tongue.” “I want a drink of water.” she said. and then my father turned. indeed. Devil throw smoke.” And here he was. But she was too close to me now. as he came. and I will catch up. indeed. “I have got my brothers’ coats by here. and my brothers would make life so hot to make of hell a bliss. A man. “Chew a bit of grass. and yet all of woman. and at that moment. Go. and then a crowd looking and some of them coming closer. “A drink I want. and while I am doing that.” I said.” I said. so full of chokes and coughs it was. I am in a good mind to tear that suit from your back. No. indeed. And then I looked again when you were shouting now just. Go. “Will you lie to me?” He looked at Ceinwen and put his arm about her. and a big bunch of red and green ribbon in her cloak. But hisht. And my brothers turning to see where he was going. with something of baby. coats. but he said to chew grass. “Hisht. blowing. But he is too grown up. and I waved my handkerchief to make sure. knowing she was speaking only for the sake. now then. “Only a little drop of water. for I was bound to have a roasting from the family. “there is glad I am I came. Huw’s big brother. “She only asked for a drink of water. You shall swallow the river. She came running toward me and I was in a mind to run from her. “Good God. Three hours it took to come here. Huw. “Come on. off she went again. “O.” she said. and take the young thing up to the house and ask your good mother to give her all she wants. “There is hot I am. Dada.” So out came her handkerchief and. “He wants to see the match. and my hands in the way again. “I asked him. is it?” “Where is the Three Bells?” she asked me. “There. and her fist fast on his collar. to the devil.” “Am I an old sheep to chew grass?” Ceinwen said.” “I am a stranger. “And perhaps I might meet a man. to myself. Go from my sight. Ceinwen.” I said.” “I know. “what have you done. O. But I was afraid to be seen with her. girl.” I said. and loud. through breaths and sniffs and gulps. you. now. There is funny. full of cheering. then. “Look.” “There is beautiful you look in your long trews.” I said. They say your brother will be in the international match this year.” Ceinwen said. too. “Huw.

and put everything ready. going quick up the Hill and glad to have cold wind in my face and ordinary things to look at. greys and blacks and perhaps blues. Rowlands?” I asked him. Such conduct indeed. when all things are seen as though they moved under water. happy to be by myself and walk in my long trews up and down the wooden floor. and her eyes catching the sun with flecks of pale light coming and going. “she is a big girl. perhaps Miss Ceinwen Phillips was left out of the reckoning. Mr. and doing her hair at the back. “Let us go to the house for water. even if the sun fell in chips in the middle of the street. Bron. Acting. “Well. Her eyes were full of many lights. with something of that mist that you will see over the heat of the fire.” “Greedy. and a weight on top of you and whispering all about you. And as you looked. so there is no danger to you. then?” “Yes. Phillips went up to the house with her. for good food deserves stern treatment. “so there will be two weddings here to-day. but I was out of patience with her. Huw. pressed upon you. I am the last to wish any a small appetite.” “How long. and throwing up and catching. but she looked at Ceinwen with that little look that seemed to last for hours.” Bron said. And she started to laugh. . and tried to see inside her. “I will go and say thank you to your Mama.though I had no notion they were there. the laughing. to make you think she was going to cry more. Outside the field I stopped to wipe my forehead. with the crowd coming more and more noisy.” she said. with the eyes. and more singing.” James Rowlands said to me when he came in and bolted the door. to let fall again. and deacons going out to them to ask for quiet. and turned from her.” she said. My mother said nothing when I told her what my father had said. straight. with almost as many tears as her crying. and telling them to feel shame. “There is a bitch you are.” I said. I went to the Chapel hall. I was. and Mervyn went for the horse and trap to take it nearer to our back.” she said. past tight-shut nostrils that widen as you look.” she said. and holding herself. I suppose. she is. Ceinwen was rolling in comfort. is it? Then we will go back. and stuffing the handkerchief into her mouth. Mr. there is sorry I am you had trouble. and went out to stand by Ceinwen. “Was I. Mama.” my mother said. in whispers. “Hear it all. and the tops of her teeth just showing and the tip of her tongue riding them.” “Shut up. “but you will be far from both. loud. I heard the wedding party come down and go in the Chapel.” I said. with the wind putting his fingers into her hair and pulling.” she said. you saw it moving within itself. “Is she eating for the winter to come?” “Well. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. And come you home. you wanted. “Not crying. “I am going to wash dishes for a bit. Was I good?” I looked at her.” said Bron. “I am fat with goodness. and wiped the crumbs from her place. and she nodded when Ceinwen dropped a knee.” I said.” So she went inside to my mother. but it was like trying to look through a wain full of corn. so I was glad when the whistle went. This. and leave her. Up. “O. and pulling the cloak about her face. and yet was only a little look. a narrow fatness spreading a wet polish and going back to rest in comfort upon the tops of her teeth. a dead feeling. Then the soft pockets at the sides of her mouth would move upward and the crinkles would be gone. is it?” So back we went to the field. I will eat till my skin bursts. and I collected the empty dishes and set clean ones. now. but so quick to come and sudden to go. and your eyes would slip down to her mouth and as you watched.” she was saying. never mind my brothers. the prayers. again. Is it?” “Yes. “If they belonged to our Valley I would be ready to go to my grave for disgrace. “You take her wherever you found her after this. crinkled. palely.” I said. But no smile from her. pink. “Your face. O. “Who is this old girl you have brought to the house. “There is good. leaning against the wall for weakness. while two are being joined in sight of God. of weight. “If you could see your face. Then altogether. shining.” “I have just been invited.” I said. Huw?” my mother asked me and cutting a thick piece of ham jelly pie. and more lights have come into them. and feeling disgraced. at first.” “I was only acting.” “Big girl.” “Water it was. and then come back. and teeth would show and the tongue slip out. Well. taking crumbs from round her mouth with stretched tongue. “Did you see the way she had the apple pie?” “She said it was too good to leave. and a full feeling was in me that made me careless of what else might happen.” I said. Huw. with bits sticking in your face and the ends tickling your ears.” I said. In the eyes. and the murmur of the crowd outside. and nothing is better than to see plates coming empty and the clock taking the minutes and no notice taken of either. “I have got some more to come next time my father sees me.” I said to her. and stepping a little longer than Ceinwen so that she had to run to catch up. It will be hours before she will have her feet in comfort. when she came out. Huw?” she asked me. then the singing. up the straightness of nose to her eyes again. If it is said that a girl is a small eater. and closeness. and I will ask her to come to us when she wants. and in no mind to watch the game because of it. and would never be certain which you saw. or if you saw them at all. “She was eating too fast to taste. now just. and her lashes still stuck together with tears. “Glad I am they are all strangers out there. Why did you cry? You could have had your old water. But Ceinwen. So I will come back with you and see my Dada.

“where were you in Chapel. Be sweethearts. and Mervyn sat on a couple of coats on the floor between his father and Owen. Then we will have somebody. Then my mouth was cold. with children first.” I said. with words coming high and faces going red.” So we went to work on the food and drink for the Eisteddfod.” Bron said. But I had forgotten Ceinwen and Mervyn and Mr. and the lamps had to be trimmed. Thomas the Carrier took them up the Hill in carriages with flowers and ribbons. shouting.” “Where is that old sow of a girl. Two better couples I have never seen. with more of crispness.” I said. and glad of plenty to do. throwing flowers. her hair falling about our faces. boy. “Go from here. with guests left standing.” said Bron. sweet lands of the living flesh. “No.” “Are we sweethearts. and my mother said she would go back home rather than sit. “and you stay down here. and soft. and say as you want. and wave. so I put my cloak on and said I had a headache. and after the choirs. Beautiful. see. that rose from her. and drink. and throw more flowers. that is. then?” “I did the candles and set the fires in by there. and my mother told me to take Ceinwen behind the tables to Bron and do a bit of helping.” she said. as she would ask to pass lettuce. Is it?” “Yes. and the choirs began to come in to take whole rows for themselves. and going cold to go from her. The doors were opened in Chapel.“Not long. indeed. that was the perfume of the broad.” I said. And all the time we were working to make tea and serve food. and people leaning far out of bedroom windows to shout. Me and your poor father have not stopped to cry. or crowding about and behind them. shutting out the light. and with a little sound in it. “and in plenty. and the tip of her tongue making play in idle strolling. Nobody we have got.” Bron said. So Gwilym gave his seat to Mr. “And I saw him looking. My aunts kissed as hens take bits from the ground. pushing everybody from the porch to let Davy and Wyn. and deacons pushing through the crowd with frowns to find the cause of the trouble and put all at peace again. and her weight lying heavily upon me.” she said with pity. and she was looking down at me.” “No. “Go and tell Bron to have the tea ready. I had saved good places for my mother and the boys in the middle of the front row. and her hands busy with ribbons on the front of her dress. she put her hand in mine and put her arm round my neck. “Be sweethearts. over by the cakes.” I said.” I said. and indeed I will swear there were differences in our Davy and Ceridwen even in so short a while. and taking off her cloak. The softness of her mouth was a glory of surprise. and fling toffees at the crowds under them. in a high little voice.” she said. and others trying to push them off and put their own down on the sly.” “Why have you come from the house. Phillips. my little one. Only when the candles began to go. and jumping up to try and catch a look from Davy.” “Then let her stay up by there till it is time to go. Huw. All through the evening and into the late of night.” she said. but found something better. so when they came I was proud to show them in. and very good it is to be with yourself in an empty room.” So up and down I went again. There is lovely.” “Mr. “She was asked because she said she liked Mama’s cooking. Phillips. It was in the smile they had. empty.” I said. but always upon the cheek.” I said. so I stayed in the quiet. Huw. “They were beyond better or worse when I came from there. I was on a chair looking out of the window to watch them go.” Bron said.” “Plates.” “The water is boiling. Bron kissed softer. and sing. The house was shouting full of Angharad. “None. not even warm. singing different songs in any key to hand. did people begin to put on coats. and meant. the singing went on. and Blethyn and Ceridwen through. But it was only a few minutes after that. So there I was with Ceinwen again.” “Huw. Bron?” I asked her. “Go on. then the men and women. a touching upon the cheek or forehead. girl. “Go from me. and all the people in front pulling them with ropes. in the way they waved. again. and as soon as we were out of the crowd and away from eyes. “Dada was angry with me. The singing of the last hymn came through the noise outside and the crowd heard and joined in. But Ceinwen kissed. and pushed her off. My mother kissed with dryness. It was as though they had lost something. lazily. and kissed me. and cool. “if I am with you. or they will drive us mad for a spoon. One look and I was finished. and pulling off the pots from the grids. “Your brother and sister are married.” “I will come for you again. and all other smells save that of her. and giving me a push. in the way they stood and even in their walking. with you?” she asked me. and brothers. “Have nothing to do with her. and went. “How many girls have you kissed before?” she asked me. and people putting hats and coats and pieces of paper on chairs. with an easiness of moisture. and nod . and when the other helpers began coming in they found there was little to do but sit down and eat again. then boys and girls. Gruffydd came up. Huw. and a fine dust rising from the road and powdering overhead. with no thought for what others may say or think. and yet still ready to worry for what they had lost if only they could find out what it was. and everybody happy excepting only us two. until it seemed that all the world had come to eat.” “She is doing dishes up at the house.” I said. and covered her about and followed her as she walked. Huw?” she asked me. and the sun beginning to think of bed and his light going. round in the back where we boiled the water.” he said. “I thought you were going to have wedding tea with them. And small spoons in the box by the cups and saucers. and put her arm round my neck again. an assurance that we were her own. “There is an old liar you are. and yet full of life. and people began to come out. “Well. “Soft. to walk as you want. only an old father and mother.

able to see nothing only a black shape. leaning upon me. only a little way off. and pulling me to walk slower. The truth is not in us. even though everybody knew they would see them in Chapel next morning. with still twenty miles to go behind the horse. as though that hurt would do some good to me. into my ear. but this time her teeth bit through both my lips. and blood running warm and smooth and salt into my mouth. and the pain made me struggle. with less on the conscience.” I said. And no nonsense. and stopped. in spirit. and pass without hurry into Hell.” I said. and perish with the special torments of the damned. a man would fight to the death in honour of a woman. Davy had shouldered his son. and the acid of one. too. but mostly because I wanted to feel better. girl. and stamped her foot. Yet Conscience is a nobleman. and closeness. “Put your arm about me. but the stupid spirit was in me to deny both. kiss. It was gossip that sent Mr. my mother and father were in the middle of a crowd. Huw. Gruffydd from us.” she said.” she said. But the knowledge of them and their hurts made for fear and made me a liar. and her straight back.” she said. Of course. “Go on. But thanks had to be said. though I have never been able to look at it without thinking of the nagging evil that piles lies on lies with every second it marks. with no more of the song. and climbed on the mare’s back and rode down. Phillips’ mare. and kissing her with willingness to enjoy. Gossip. in darkness. I cannot tell. neither do we look for it. both of us in black shadow. and must for shame. knowing well how I felt. clear. “O.” “Shut up. indeed. and the pricks of the other. and to assuage our delicate moral sense with nonsense about temptation. women. and shamed because of it. Gossip. and I knew that I was in heats to kiss her again. and putting me away. then. with water only an inch beyond reach and the green pastures of Paradise always clear in their sight. not calling now. glad to be free of the noise. and in case we were late and my father asked questions. “Huw. May all such end their days soonest. I went up to the field for Mr.” So I watched her run. than she. and pulled me to stop. but in these days. “Your father is waiting. indeed. that makes us speak so foolishly. though for what. and empty eyes. laughing all the way. “I like to kiss. to hurt her. and start to shake hands with everybody. Many a better noise has come from the back. and the bend of head when her father cracked the whip and they started for home. I have no love for gossips. Funny it was to see her coolness when she said good night to us in the Square. of people. and the wind bringing it to me as though he liked it and wanted me to hear. load them with the onus of the prime move in order that we may partake of the sin. She even made a little frown to Mervyn because he shouted to me. even in their thoughts. and stopping.” I wonder what is it. breathless. Put my arm. and look for children. We only say we cannot understand them when we cannot understand our craven selves. But we help. but still unwilling to come to the front in case she poked fun. “There is soft you are. now. trying to shout. and the frailness of mortal man. and gave me his gold watch. Like a couple of fools. In the day of King Arthur. I heard Ceinwen calling me from the bottom of the field. But she came slowly toward me. we think such honour or pleasure will cause the censure of others. and send somebody to harness the horse. and putting my arm about her with pleasure and a smile. and another hour for saying good-bye. dear. Yes. and envious of her truthfulness. Hear the sound of it. She came on my other side and put an arm about my neck. deep. and we are cowards and not men. hoping she would miss me in the darkness and go away. breathing deep of the cold darkness. and lie upon the hottest grid through all eternity. at the prospect of having to reckon with the eyes and tongues of those warty bawds and pussy sluts who peddle oral filth. and a friend. . “Now. those who will call themselves men will cower. Eh. I knew I wanted to put an arm about Ceinwen. and Eve. Then she put an arm about me and held tight. and pulled me to her and kissed me. and as good as from by there to the moon away with all created tongues and eyes.” I said. perhaps. and the smile. We looked at one another for a minute. though they might wait till morning. and the folded hands. and I was dumb as a lout. the best in us. in discomfort. cannot assume and hold our position as men. in contralto. Hear it all. softly. and to hell with that word. and Ceridwen had taught her twins to walk before Angharad came home again. and in the denial. but only a sound from the throat. in truth. David of the White Rock. girl. and heat. But when I undid the shackle and started to lead her away.” Ceinwen said. I want to kiss. and precious Conscience. cannot release ourselves from fear that ours is the first blame. and in feeling. but singing. we help. or disturb that shifty creature called Conscience. and with so much hurt to those who would confer an honour or do us a pleasure if. with cancers of the misused tongue and all the vitals. Huw. even though we were on a mountain side. I was kept from telling the truth. and sucked at my lips.to one another. “next time. and the malice and ignorance of both. and went on down. Good night.

“What. Gruffydd did for nothing. “Read it. other men and their families were coming into the Valley and starting in the collieries for less money. and her eyes going big. The meeting was refused. and then they got worse in their doubts. we grew. “That is why the Union is growing and sliding scale going from favour. Gracious Goodness. one for the Methodists. “Well. and gave a letter to my father. Dada.” Ivor said. their relatives were kind. Then out again. Two new streets of small houses were built behind the Square. and tobacco. who kept from the workhouse only because it was too far away. Some of the men went to work in other valleys. and their owners. Then nobody cared if they were in or out. on one side. “They want so much for the stone they are cutting to come at the coal. Gruffydd asked. some went even to the United States of America.Chapter Twenty-Five THERE HAD BEEN TROUBLE down at the Evans Colliery for months on end. putting four hundred men from work. to keep men from work. clearing his throat.” said Mr. and so closed it. he was put from work. Strikes we had had. Even with the trouble coming flying to meet us. with the men having the hat round to pay the expenses and then more lawyers. Dada. Even the kettle looked as though it were listening. and put down her needle and stretched her back. always. “Will you drive me silly.” my father said. Gruffydd. “This is the beginning. And a new minimum there was. or spoke too loudly near the manager. and we were happy. as though reading the Word.” said my father. Mr. and the men struck work. staring wide. and funerals. “Table the complaints.” “I am in favour of a man from each colliery in all the valleys meeting the managers of all the collieries. “Well.” But it was no good. boy. and strangers came to the Valley and worked for the money that our men refused to take. and giving a bit and taking a bit. and nobody would listen. and one for the Calvinists. Watch. And Iestyn had his life threatened. “I will try that.” “There is an agreement. then?” Mr. At first. rise in wages. the terms were refused. Gruffydd after Chapel and asked him to see what he could do. Gruffydd asked my father.” Owen said. Plenty of labour. so much for putting props. Ivor Morgan. and they said they would work it only when their levels went through underground and joined it. When all those men are back at work. But even so. and looked from the letter to my mother. to Birmingham. then?” she said.” “The minimum. and newspapers.” said my father. and with open mouth. and others to join them in the other valleys. Good God!” “A Royal Command?” said my mother. until everybody in the village was tired of it. and cook shops. now. And some stayed in the village. and the Roman Catholics put a church for the Irish over on the other side of the river. now.” “What are you doing?” Mr.” my father said.” Owen said. “is commanded to appear before Her Majesty at Windsor Castle with chosen members of his choir. so much for water on the levels. with ice. “It is a command. until my mother was shifting as though sitting up in bed with crumbs under her. for the first time. long drawn and high.” “We shall see. and then breaking out again. “A Royal Command. “Then I shall know how to talk to the manager. some went to Sheffield. or their friends were charitable.” “O. “You will see. or setting up little businesses in grocery. and started employing a lawyer to put their case. or helping builders. and one night they all went to Mr. and her shoulders falling loose. and a ballot for the best places. and most of the best men got jobs in other collieries. for they trusted him. or Middlebrough.” my mother said. and almost ready to faint. for when a man complained. “What. and sitting up. or because their sons were earning. there will be a new minimum. “There is a minimum. fall in wages. now?” “Mr. and two more chapels. Even we got a bit of blame from some of the men just because Iestyn had married into our family. But sometimes they would doubt even him.” “Good. until the village had houses on both sides of the road round the mountain. listen to the difficulties on the other side. Then they went back again. and another taken in his place from the idle crowd at the pit head. For less wages. too. But all of them together never did as much as Mr. .” my father said. and so happy it was pleasure to see. Then another lawyer was called in. And so we knew. and my mother wrote to Angharad. with fairness and fair play to all. Four hundred men extra in this Valley.” my father said.” said my mother. What am I to say?” “We are having the same fight. Ivor ran in one night with his face lit like a summer dawn. but only the men’s wives had the sense to see it. in London. and climbing up the mountain on the other. but it was always settled by the manager and a man from Town. Then Iestyn sold out to the owners of my father’s colliery. Gruffydd did most of the talking for the men. Scarcity of labour. and then back at the letter and up and again at the letter. but that was the first time we had ever had men standing in the street without work waiting for them. to stop him from coming down.” my father said. men without work. “will be the minimum when these men are working.

with his hand in my mother’s. roar. and the crowd made little moves all the way from top to bottom.” I said.” we sang. “O Heavenly Father.” “Yes. the roar. that hit across the ears. Open house. they were coming. “Yes. with song from all of them. Amen. and tenors making silver and contraltos and baritones resting in comfort and basso down on the octave below. roar. and down we all went on the knees. and leaned on the last note. go for Mr. “my blessing for thirty years. but to find room for arms to have ease.” sang tenor. and cheers for Mr.” my father said. Down came Ivor’s right arm. and spirit to encourage. and from top of the Hill down to bottom men and women hummed softly to have the proper key. “The choir is going to sing for the Queen. and the clarion note was struck in the slow. “Long To Reign Over Us. with tears ready. and took all our voices into his fingers and drew them tight. Open house. with his first fingers up.” sang tenor and soprano. with open mouths and wild happiness in the eyes.” my mother said.” my father said. strong. and both clasped together. and groups of them were walking over the mountain all round us. and he blew the note on the reed pipe. Gruffydd. or we would all be drunk with beauty day and night. soprano. and a couple for Ivor. for chins to point. and sweetness to lull. “Beth. “Send Her Victorious. then. “I wondered how long it would be.” “Amen. Mr. as though the wind had met his master. Let us give thanks. to smell a smell as good to the nose as that sound sounds to the ear.” “At last. twice.” Now gather yourselves. and alto. but we look to our Queen as our mother. and even in goat cars. “God Save Our Queen. Gruffydd.” said my father. “Happy And Glorious. And let. and instantly a roar. and ‘no’ will not do for an answer. with lanterns and torches to light them. sound out. and men running up the mountain with paper and wood to light beacons to call the choir from their houses. and yet so delicate. going quiet and coming bigger again. and come in. and here and there a torch. for feet to be firm. with sopranos going up to find the octave. Loudly and happily rose their voices. and his eyes nearly shut. indeed. and women gave little screams when they thought they would be crushed. For you are Our Father. my little one. Gruffydd. and no work done anywhere. and smiled. and I do give thanks for this new blessing.” my father said. Now Ivor gathered himself. My son.” said my father. not in restlessness.” said my mother. And may Ivor have strength to acquit himself with us with honour. Ivor held out his arms wide to us. and took off the dish. and looking up. with candles along the window sills. a quartet singing. and children in night dress running about with nobody to tell them to go back to bed. and women gathered in groups to decide who should cut the food and who should prepare the drink. a lamp. Gruffydd in our front bedroom window. for chests to give good breath. and women joining in the harmony. Gruffydd turned to my father. No orders to anybody. and people leaving their houses. so warm. and here. with jokes and more laughing. no trumpets. and made way in the window for Ivor. and his mouth making an O. even though he waved to them to be silent. with no spaces among the hats and faces all the way down. Now the Hill was packed full of people. for minute on minute. By wain and brake and cart and gig and dog-trap. so deep. O God. and clicked their tongues and pushed you from the light. and the wind going mad to choose which to carry. The night shift were in their working clothes ready to go down and the afternoon shift were coming up the Hill. and nobody to blame. from top to bottom. when the men of the choir began coming in from the other valleys. once. with laughter as the people above swayed back on the people below. higher with the chin. like lions. eyes shining and red in the face. And O. There is lovely. and standing.” said we all.” Down I went for Mr. “Long Live Our Noble Queen. then. and round by the river. yet everybody was going about with a job to do.” So up the Hill we went. But even heaven could not be so beautiful.” he said. and even a few for me. to tell us to sing soft. and kept on. which to drop. no cannon to throw fire and give headaches to old ladies. and rested her face against his shoulder. so solid.” said Mr. Stillness. “And Dada says please to come up. and at its lowest point.” said we all. “I give thanks from the heart to live this day. O Men of the Valleys.“Her Britannic Majesty. with windows opening and people shouting the news in the street. and grandeur came to frighten as the voices mounted in mighty majesty. I never thought to see the beautiful day. I give thanks for all I have. to-night. and altos climbing. “To sing before the Queen.” said my mother. loud. in anything that would move faster than they could run they came.” sang tenor. and willingness to do it well. be given to the voices that sing at her command that night. with a fork in one hand and a book in the other. “And for his good mother. while tenor and soprano loosed their wings to . Ivor raised his finger. Gruffydd. a man singing a verse. Then they saw Mr. Mr. power to soothe. now open the throat. “I give thanks for my good son. and men pushed out their elbows to take the weight from about them. and about him people’s faces set intent to pick up the first note of the chorus. they would have looked at you once. loud as the trumpets of the Host. Huw.” “Yes. “God Save Our Noble Queen. Huw. roar. Drunk with beauty. “God save the Queen. It will be no surprise to me if the flowers of the gardens of heaven are made from such sound. Gruffydd. and then stillness. and let her mighty worries trouble not more than she shall bear in her age. and if you had asked any of them why. that even at Windsor it may be heard to rock the very stones. with their eyebrows up. Comfort her in her troubles. “bring out the beer. with stern quiet. and the sound they all made was a life-time of loveliness. little flowers of light making a rolling dance all the way down. over the mountain. and found him cooking supper. and there. no notices in print. marching tempo. and then a big hush from hundreds. and even some of the men sitting on the roofs and hanging down their legs. I beseech you. and for room to sing.

greater volume. “You will have trouble with your father. and the horses wore three white ostrich feathers in their head straps. and red blankets. and I blushed like a fool. so on Saturday afternoon I will come. now. Why. back and fore.” she said. and doing sums.” Bron said. and then the men climbed up. and ended with a cheering they could hear over in the other valleys.” she said. so a note across the desk or a touch of the fingers as she passed. for Mr. and hold. Mr. and sick to go to before that. and never in much of a temper in the mornings. and parcels of food. indeed to God. my little one.” No use to make an excuse. so there was nothing wrong with her English. a frame. aye.” said Clydach. and those down in the village who were out of sight of Ivor. “I will make a job of this to bring tears to the eyes. Friday night. Up goes Ivor’s right arm. “Right. and making out bills. and every one of them had asked him again. “Huw. and too much to spoil for a stool. to see them as far as Paddington Station. either. but there was not enough for a chair. Monitors. till the sound fell in the depths of the miles between and the wind was too tired to do any more carrying. He would not. now. with you?” “Plenty on the mountain. when the village turned out to see Ivor and the men from our Valley go over the mountain to sing for the Queen. And the mountain lying awake on his side. with Ivor. and some before that. Mr. and listening for a group over there to sing the next.” “They could have passed the hat. and Mervyn was always near. We had talked little since the night of the weddings. “The men are going to London for Saturday. is it? Then we can stay up the mountain late. Motshill was strict. All the way up the mountain we watched them. but flat in the pages of a bound book of Christian Heralds . mind. More power. and restless with the hoof. and a couple of coughs. he would be with them. And no cost to you. and looking from the sides of her eyes.” said my father.” I said. for he had Chapel on Sunday. Gruffydd turned about and went to the little house with the sea-shell porch.” Ceinwen said. bring in the air with a savage pull and send the voice to hit the sky with force to smash the clouds.” “We shall see.fly up to the octave. and winked. Not easier in work. for if you had seen them. happy to have us about him. making a hundred times. “A frame of the best wood you will find. and no doubt about it. “And I will have a crown set above it. we were. “God Save Our Queen. Only a few of us were kept on at our age to take examinations. Motshill had told us that he was determined to push us through University. and she could quote Shakespeare till Christmas came again. and only a nod before school.” “Cost to me. see. like an echo that fell asleep on the job and runs now with sleep in his eyes to catch up. was soft with rain. But now. my little one. and round went the pots. for she was gifted. it was so plain that they wanted you to look at them. serious. “When you come over in our Valley. But we let them do as they liked.” we sang. “I do know where there is a bit of mahogany that the old devil himself would be glad to have his old claws on.” my father said. “these weeks. for she was often late.” I said. fist clenched. good gracious. “or no frame. And I have never been so right. with one group over here singing a line of a chorus. and never once brought them up even for speaking Welsh in school. I went inside our house to take plates outside and found my father giving Clydach Howell the letter. first. with everybody going home in groups round the roads and over the mountain.” said my father. There is a night that was. in the playtime. “where is this nightingale. my father among the last. The brake they went in was covered with leeks. “Breaking his heart. . So the choir he had started went to Windsor without him. with enough noise from everybody to sound like the departure of the Persian hordes. The red inside me was set stone still at danger whenever I thought of Ceinwen. I cannot say.” I said. you shall. smiling in the quiet darkness. Nine of us. Years in her father’s business. Now.” said Clydach.” “When am I going to hear them?” she asked me. then two casks of beer and crates of bottles from the Three Bells. but it was. Clydach. Gwilym.” “Drink up. For years I have wanted to see it put to good use. and then Mr.” I said. I was sure something was going to happen. “If he had the money. You shall see a bit of wood. there were. and a lovely blue. and his left hand held out to us to implore. and I can come back any time I like with the trap. a little cold. and carrying the book as though it was his pass through the Gates. by God. Gruffydd had shaken hands with all of them. so there it was. I am ready to swear that green and red lights are set in the brain. had made her first class in arithmetic.” “Leave it to me. Whatever is said to the contrary. Up with the boxes with the best clothes. and Ceinwen one of us. We had an easier time than the other boys and girls who were leaving at fourteen. and swish with the tail. spread the chest. and you will have a flash of red when you are going into danger. A prouder team of horses you never saw. but in coming in and going out. and it shall hang on this wall all the days of my life. if he knew where to find it. was all we had been able to have. and half a neigh. with a nod and a smile for us. But Mr. more mightiness. as though anything I said would be lies. and I had given a promise. went on singing. but only to see that the boys and girls behaved themselves. and make those sounds through the teeth that horses love to hear from friendly men. and pat them. “He will know nothing. to go with them. and no use to say that horses cannot tell when they are dressed for show. and a pat on the head for me. Gruffydd smiled and shook his head. Gwilym. so save breath to blow tea. and more leeks on their blinkers. and their little dancings.

Bron looked at me with pity to burn. and said no more. . “For him?” she said.

and shivering with cold I was. or knows his friends. staring.” she said. He seemed tired. and clinging. And that was worse. he was. So there was no blame to the ant. or I will die of cold or freeze to the death or perish of fright. he would start to work. Ceinwen was in a dress striped in grey and white. Owen what he had forgotten. for I felt bound to tell him what I was going to do. and then shake his head. boy. “I will sleep. and thinks. and legs bent like wire. and the sun blinding hot upon us. and Ceinwen lay flat. and standing there empty in the face and scratching himself till the boy came back. I could tell from the set of the books. “I have got choir practice at seven o’clock. Silly. and the elms.” I said. in a little voice. seeing Ceinwen’s shoes. This one looked to be in a hurry about something.” “Let us have a bit of shade. and brittle. all the way up. and hot with fear. and labour troubles to preside over. and gave the mare a smack to send her up to the grass. more a woman than a girl. “Help to push the trap in by here. through the pasture that was high to the knees. loaded like a donkey. and what is the feeling to be an ant. and if he was as scornful of me as I was of him. and I led the way.” she said. now. then. She pulled up by the stone I was sitting on. “light a fire. for it sounded so silly. and woke with Ceinwen shaking me. and my mother glad to have him and always sorry when he said good night. and then forgetting what it was. “Hours. too. and yet restless. but something dark in the eyes made him so. and often it was nothing at all. of course. and red velvet ribbons drawing her dress tight at the neck.” “Let seven o’clock come. and surprised by the darkness. but no sillier than some of us. and then with gaps of days. and I watched him for a long time. and somehow older. GRUFFYDD had changed a little. up beyond the mossy rocks where the little firs made curtseys. but he asked no questions. but long from hip to the ground. it was. and the oaks. dull that I was. if only to put myself right with him.” Ceinwen said. through the lanes of wild rose that were red with blown flower.” We put down the rugs among the twisted legs of an oak. and sat by the fire for a long time. where leaf mould was soft with richness and held a whispering of the smells of a hundred years of green that had grown and gone. for only I was working on it. if he sees. flash. “Well. I met Ceinwen.” I said. He had a lot of work to do. Old Owen the Mill often stopped in the streets feeling in his pockets for something and then sending a boy back to the house to ask Mrs. with a good polish on his back. under the shadows of the trees. The furniture took a long time. Then I slept. And my danger light giving me flash. But he came a lot more to our house. Not sure I am. “Not too near. night after night.” I said. with a white cap with flowers and cherries in the lace round the edges. “How long to wait?” she asked me.” I watched an ant running over the oak’s leg. and put my hand in the squirrel’s hole and pulled out pieces of bark and dry leaves. “Are we going to be up there all night with nothing in our bellies but old sounds and screeches?” “All night?” I said. with the dust half wiped off by the grass. but I think I was the only one in the village to know how much. and smoothed his hair. I watched him. with my hands going dead under my head. In and out of the sunlight. which is best to come first. and purposely lying still not to wake her. when I stopped. “Good. with more men coming to the Valley. “O. and birds playing hide and seek. I have always wondered what is inside the skull of an ant.” she said. and get up and go out to make tea. and can be happy. Mr. “What is this for.Chapter Twenty-Six MR. “To eat. After three o’clock. and took out a couple of rugs and a red straw basket and handed them down to me. if he had the same feeling about his home and his people as I had. I must leave the polishing on Saturday because I am going with Ceinwen up the mountain to listen to the nightingales. and then sit. so near to my eyes that he might have been as big as a horse. but I lacked the courage. and inches taller than me. There is a . up the mountain to the trees near where the nightingales sang. to the briars. and putting my tongue in a clamp. and meetings in Chapel. where there was peace. and calls them by name. and turning back. just beyond the edge of the oak’s leg. Please. Round the mountain. He was reading less. with the afternoon just coming heavy.” Ceinwen said. up past the flowering berry bushes. and stopping every couple of steps to try and think what it was. if it is like the feeling to be a man. and the length of the candles. On my back. with the wind gone to hide up in the trees at the mountain-top. into their coolnesses. and her teeth chopping. I was sorry to tell him that I would not be working with him on Saturday afternoon. and from behind. then?” I asked her. and give me a bit of a smile. and the sky. Huw. Heavy in the chest and hip she was. and up again. and jumped down to unharness the mare. and nodded. flash. “or you will hear nothing. not with lines in the face. it was.” So we put the trap tidy. Gruffydd. and that hissed at us with every step. with her handkerchief over her face. I wondered if he saw me as I saw him. stiff and damp. shiny. and the sound of grasshoppers striking their flints with impatience. “I am cooking.” “Wait you.” she said. Hard. As to the furniture. puffing. plain bright blue. and putting his feet in his pockets to see if he had everything and going on a bit. and only looked at me. or white coming to his beard. and there seemed to be a hole in the air that nothing would fill. smoking his pipe. and the sun hot. by the beeches. So I left him.

“no more silliness.” I said.” she said.” Fat and sweet is the song of the nightingale. and you would smash every pot on the dresser with temper. the nightingales are quiet. “I have had a house full with our family. no bending of the knee.” “Well. there is a soreness inside me now to remember Ceinwen as she cried up there on the mountain and the nightingales sang about us.” Nothing from me.” I said. No pinching of the throat or nonsense with half-opened mouth. either. making them bigger. “Plenty of time to think about it. and put more tart in my mouth. and hidden in the whiteness of her dress.” I said. and her voice coming in little swords of sound at the end of each breath.” “Well.” “Come to work with my father. and up with his head.” Ceinwen said. and in the face a calmness of pink.” “You would drive the girl mad. “and babies.” I said. and a small voice. “Learn the business while you are working and have good wages.” she said. “Nightingales. opening and closing her eyes slowly. but she was watching the fire without seeing it. So I went to her.” I said. and nightfall. not marrying. one foot crossed over the other. “You are a cook. any rate. with a trill and a tremolo to make you frozen with wonderment to hear.” I said. girl. Huw. and the hands so pretty with quiet. and marry?” “My mother married from school.” “A flattery. and you shall have your song with no payment other than the moments of your life while you listen. and put an arm about her. A little bird. and a couple of hens to scratch. is it?” “Look you. and me the youngest. “You would be starving. with a look sideways. very shy.” I said.” she said. then. “and she would throw a couple of dishes at you. him. “there is nasty you are to me. anyway. and the fire cracked his whip to send up sparks and I looked at her a couple of times. he is. So listen. girl. and angry. and the firelight was bright upon her.” she said. for something to say. and she has gone. then we can marry and have our own little house. and laughing wide.” I said. A good. “I would leave it. and her hair like new hay fallen about her and spreading on the grass. and her breath coming soft. and yet he asks for nothing.” she said. with laugh. So we took the eating from the basket and I filled the little saucepan from the rill. and made tea to go with the pie. shaking. boy. Many sang for us that night. with her arms stiff behind her. Ceinwen was sleeping with her head heavy on my knees.” I said. still home. and your own furniture where you want to put it.” said Ceinwen. no. with big eyes. Let us be married. and the wind was waking to do his work for the day to come. with no colour to his feathers and no airs with him. and glad to have a change of subject. and came nearer. no scrapes. again. “Would you marry me. “I wondered when I made it what you would say. he is. and gave lovely warmth. O. and to see somebody soft asleep. Huw.” I said. or an instant tremble. thank God.” I said. The man is made of stone who will see a woman in her tears and keep voice and hands to himself.” she said. give me a kiss.” I said.” she said. or kissing. fat with tone. “there is dull you are.” “Speaking with the mouth full. With her legs curling under her. till ash was grey upon the fire. A new little house.” she said. Such voices have the Cherubim. then. “O. A bit heavy in the pastry and not enough thyme with the meat. No bowing. and have a little house. and the white handkerchief in both her hands pressed to her eyes almost hidden among her hair.fire I made. Not from school yet. “I will have to earn before marrying.” “It will be long before any old babies are near me.” I said.” “Spoilt at home.” she said. thinking it no shame to sing with the voice that God gave to him.” she said. with quiet.” “Only as good as I get now. a couple of leaves. “no more. and long we sat to hear them.” And she cried. to-night. “There is good. Huw?” she asked. “There is manners for you. and pulling her handkerchief from her belt. too. “I like it. There is beautiful is sleep. and no old nonsense from anybody else. and she lay heavily upon me. or fat fees for Mr. If you did it to me I would wait for you to sleep.” she said.” I said.” she said. Not good. and a chest to hold it. She was quiet for minutes. “Go from here. and I will have more. is it?” “To hell. “to marry and have a little house.” “Good. with sometimes a little sound in the breathing. To hear the nightingales we came up here. “I wish I had cooked nothing.” “We would have gone from here the sooner. for the fire is out. “With a little bit of garden. and her head buried between her humped shoulders. A good big chest full of breath. with stuff from under the briars that burnt with a yellow flame. A little bough. “there are the nightingales for you. “like your brother and sister. too. now. “There is a job your wife will have with you. “Listen. “Did you cook this?” I asked her.” she said. fresh with new paint. sharp at the edge. slow. “No. “A little house of your own. and took her hands from her face and kissed the salt from her cheeks. true on the note. it is. and open with his mouth. and the mouth in . “and four of us. and kill you with one hit. and singing with fear for none. or shakiness through lack of breath. “Well. Not very good.” “Leave me to eat in peace. “If it was bad. and went to cut more tart.” “Different if they are yours. and like a sister instead of Mama.” I said nothing. So still. only room to sing. and no sound. and each time she opened them. no less. Nightingale. and her feet pointing straight. loud. but finished with tears. but with a voice that a king might envy. “who else? Is it poison?” “No. yellow from the fire.” “There is no hope of that. full singer.

no more. and she laughed in the middle of it.” She nodded. and she woke.” she said. with her knuckles to her face. threw up her head to see spaces that she might have flown. and no lights anywhere. with the talk of the brook louder than my footfalls. The whip whispered and cracked. and started putting the dishes in the basket. though only to delight. The fire was low. telling him in the spirit that I was sorry for the hurt. a tearing at the tangle of rein tied through the brass rings on her back pad. Wait. to the place where we had left the trap. Then I struck a match and held it for a moment against his hock. but I pulled the mare almost to sit. now. you. and down the steepness through the trees and on to the road. and clicked her teeth at me. The mare had run home and told them. “It is late. The trap had been pulled out of the space by the side of the road with the shafts in the dust.” I said. I had the basket and Ceinwen had the rugs. I untied him and turned him to face the fire down the road.” “O.” Off I went. Huw.an easy innocence of rest. Good-bye. with Ceinwen standing black against the sky bearing on the reins. with trembling. and gathered herself to open her wings. eyes wide. and jumped from sprung haunches to stretch-neck gallop. I saw yellow of a lamp shining on the green of bush below us. Out with the matches and closer to the horse. So Ceinwen slept as I watched. barely red.” I said. I wonder where the thoughts do come from that help you to do what you do. I knew what had happened while I made my mind firm that Ceinwen would go free of hurt. and jumped down to give the reins to Ceinwen and throw up the rugs and basket after her. Huw. and jumped for the mare’s head to untie her and lead her to the trap. just the same. but I was heavy with fright long before I got there. to hold with force. up with the shafts to slip through the harness. “O. in whispers. and brought wrinkles to her forehead and sweet wryness to her mouth when I squeezed the tender stalks. and I fell backwards and pushed myself up. drew the mighty muscles under her. and I found her dearer to me in her helplessness and fear. and stretched her arms far above her head and brought them slowly down to put about me. We went up in an arc. caught in a moment of surprise to find four hairy roots holding her to earth. over hedges. crooking its fingers in helpless search of a notion. and so surprised as to be in another world. near it. but I could see many a yellow spark up on the mountain. and I pushed her before me up toward the top of the mountain and away from the many lights. and up home.” I said.” “I will love you while I live. and her body went from soft to coiling steel under me. a jump at the iron step and the springiness of the trap under me. Good it felt to have the feet on hard stones again. Nobody was in the streets. To bite. and the drainings of tea spat it out with a blowing of ash. “I will get the mare. and then gone in the darkness on the other side. for fires were alight there. yet even so gentle. to the bridge by the Three Bells. with dust and burnt hair sharp in the nose. “We will build bridges when the river wets our feet. what to do and quickly. girl?” I said. and almost in regret. and went down to the river and walked round through the fields. and kissed her cheek. and off went the mare with the flip of the reins to send her. A gentle madness comes of kissing. and felt for my hands. and we kissed. and you watched it working. I came in round our back and climbed the shed to get in this window. What to do. and pulled the rugs in a pile. The men were shouting to one another and the horse’s rump was orange in the fire-light. “if they find me they will put me in jail. and the mare and another tied to the branch of a tree near them. showing teeth in a smiling yawn and her eyes full with a sleepy smile. “Stay here. So glad I was to see the whiteness of the striped dress in the darkness that I could have shouted to skim the bushes from the mountain. and was still. but Ceinwen was staring in the darkness down the road and thinking of faces and voices in Chapel. and away he went with screams in a storm of hoof and dust. and through herds of cows. when seconds before your mind was an empty ache. Yet while I lay beside her and she was smiling quiet to let me cup my palm about the mystery of warmth and firmness that pushed up the stripes of her dress into ploughed hills. and tears taking her breath.” she said. cold. running on the grass. that we could see so plainly now.” Queen of the Brythons never swung her war chariot with more skill. “Five minutes’ start.” “Jail. and my heart going big inside me and beating to stop breath. pasture and briar. then?” “Or they will call me in Chapel. like somebody else inside of you. and sat. round the road. “What for.” she said. . “There will be trouble. “They are after us. and my fingers knew the satin slither of her flesh under the coarse topsoil of fabric. a pulling of straps on one side and a run round to the other. working up to us. there is hot wish to hurt. and men’s shadows black against them. to show strength that is male to softness that is female. but she stared in front.” I said. and another trap. empty for moments and then filling with memory. now. through bush and gorse. now. and tobacco smoke going up above their heads like the ghosts of babies.” I said. and gentleness a scent in the air about them. with cursing for the weight of thought behind her careful hoofs. “I will catch the mare and bring the trap here. “Huw. and a paleness of fear lighting her eyes. “See you Monday. when Ceinwen feared and hid her face and gripped my arms to push me in front of her. and the men running up the mountain to head him off when he turned the bend on the other side. to press the mouth with fury. the mare plunged with her fores. Into the shafts with the mare. “Good-bye. I waited until the hush of the trees was the loudest noise to be heard. in a voice to melt stones.” Ceinwen said.” she said.

” “I will go and tell them to stop looking.” So down I went.” I said. “do you want the men of the other Valley round here to burn the village? Is it a fight you want to cause?” “No. “I have done a bit myself. “We only knew it was you when we came up here. “Ceinwen Phillips. serious. “if it happens again we will have four hundred men over here. “Well.” Ianto said.” I said. “and a picket stake. and the lights had gone from the mountain.” Ianto said.” I said.” I said. “Not a man is in bed. Those lights have been on the mountain these hours.” Ianto said.” I said.I came in round our back and climbed the shed to get in this window. “Frightened sick in case Mama found out. there will be murder certain. hang-dog. in their clothes. “I know. with emptiness coming inside me. and looking at me with his head down and his eyes gone to points. then?” “Every man here is waiting for it to start.” “Your supper is on the table. “Have it. for the love of God. so big a jump it made me give.” he said.” . now just. “Have your supper. and Gwilym were sitting on the beds that used to be over there. That is what you are wanting.” I said.” he said. Owen. with their hats and coats on this chair by here. No more. “Fifteen feet of rope. and so ended in cursing myself. with a rebel shouting inside me. with a whisper that might have been a shout. the mare that had run home to tell them. But before I went to sleep I lay again beside Ceinwen and cursed with blackness the men who had carried the lamp that took her from me. “My business. to mix a couple of tears with the mint sauce. my brothers had gone to warn everybody it was safe to go to bed.” “Listening to nightingales. boy. quick. and a coldness of surprise in me. and the window closed for me. Lucky for you she have gone to sleep with Bron for the night.” Ianto said to me next morning. “Hullo.” Gwil said.” Ianto said. no. we were. If you had been caught they would have skinned you. understand?” “Why not?” I asked him. “Where have you been?” Owen asked me. Ianto. we were. We want to save Mama worry. “Up the mountain.” I said. Supper. You would be good for a box instead of Chapel this morning. “Listen to me. I wonder? A boy and a bit of a girl up on the mountain till all hours. If you go to them now. “With who?” Ianto asked me. indeed. “before I will skin you myself. “Because. “My business.” “Would you have sat here to let them?” I asked Ianto. is it?” Owen said. what is next. But when I came back up here. and a bit of pride coming. “Who is going to burn the village. Good God. and sleep. a blessed state. straight in the face.” Owen said. you fool. Think fortune to yourself that nobody knew who was with her. and the lack of thought that let her go to graze without a shackle. The candle was lit as soon as I was in.

My father was on tacks all the time.I. than the boom of the big drum and the rasping voice of brass and silver swelling and dying as the wind takes his breath. a veil. and Ivor trying to smile. and old Silas Tegid the Maltster saying that he had never enjoyed a Sunday more than that day. he could see nothing of her. preparing food and drink for the choir. eyes. and a wide gilt frame. and bayonets could not have kept him back from pulling out the wool flock packing. and taking his glass from my mother. It took us a long time to get that old crate up the Hill. and a picture of her. “Beth. all haste. in their voices. the mark of woman. My father was standing against a flat wooden crate about four feet square and a foot deep. to enrich its maleness. with my father’s finger pointing to the writing. and she crying so much she could see nothing of him. and Owen and I made a way through the crowd. so we were all ready for them. Gruffydd putting an arm on his shoulder. and singing to you. but my mother had use for me all day long. and yet left their subtle marks in the squareness of her shoulders. quick. The Queen has given Ivor a baton. all going down together. and almost as she was on a penny. and warm and full of softness she was. counting the nails as we threw them out. and those who stayed home trying to look as though they would give a fig to go to Windsor to see the Queen. The beacons had been lit a long time to tell us the men were coming. and the trouble never came to light that would bring a flinch to those austere. We were singing when the procession got inside the village. and the carriage of her head. and up with them. or if we dropped it he would kill us twice.” said my mother. and the band and choir all singing with us. between my brothers and me. Then we took the lid off. every inch of it. Gruffydd came out.” Shouts for the tool-box inside. and went to the middle of the street to conduct us. Out in the street we joined in with everybody else on the hill.” she said. Signed with her own hand.” Up on tip-toe to kiss Ivor on the cheek. Foolish are such people. and opened wide his arms to lift out the picture. so beautiful the weather. no stopping. for the lie is in their faces. the noble Queen looked out across her Empire as untroubled as my mother. “Victoria. then. “Now then. and my father shouting to us to put it in our front till he came and to take care. And upon the head.” we all said. My father turned it and put it to stand on the sideboard. and Mr. and I helped them to carry it up to the house.Chapter Twenty-Seven THE TALK OUTSIDE CHAPEL all that day was split between the choir coming home and the search on the mountain. and if the Queen was in gold. for whoever had nailed the crate was at pains to show that he had nails and to spare. the Crown. looking as though he had found all of Ophir’s treasure. and the crowd all round and in the doorway and looking through the open window. with my mother trying to make him drink a drop of hot broth. and only a minute for us to get to the same place. and bottle of something to warm. Owen and Ianto lifted it down. yet tranquil. and me going in with it. and as we passed the little house with the sea-shell porch. The hard disciplines of a thousand generations of greatness sat lightly upon her. With her own writing. and under it. and stopping to talk. and hammering. with a red brocade back.. and the beer shaking out.” said my father. and Bron came in with wet tears and put her arms about me to cry for a bit. with the background gone to mist. and good to hear in the dark quiet. all hurry. “washed away with crying. and singing still when the wain stopped by Mr. Nothing is better to the ear. by a craftsman who loved his work. But that prow of a nose could have cut through any sea. not even me. but gulps having the better of it. “Take me to him. and asking the choir what Windsor was like. “Now then.” Head and shoulders in black and white. cloak. my sons. from pride and lifting the weight of it. They knew it would take the men a good hour to reach the Square from up the top there. Mr. so peaceful it had been. “has every one of us got a good pot of beer?” “Yes. in their smiles. .” he said. I went out in the back to get the tool-box ready to unpack the crate. that chin would keep the shake from a mouth half as firm again. I was going over myself to find out what had come to Ceinwen. Gruffydd.” he said. and pulled a couple of pegs from the inside of the crate. and he crying so much. with not even a whisper from my mother about scratches. as though hope of glory to come depended on their getting down to the Square without another moment’s loss. mittens. and if they had their food from diamond plates. made. but Ianto and Owen spoke against it. and I lost my worry in the clatter of pots. bonnet and all. “O. Some of the men wanted a deputy to go round to the other Valley and find out what the trouble was. and nothing to raise the spirits more. Then the shouting of cheers. “Good. R. and without a voice.” my mother said. such resolution had appeared in Chapel. but nobody knows why. but never mind. from the Queen of Britain to your son. “There is a fool I am. there is proud I am. Huw. and my father looking all round to find my mother. Bron had been wearing hers for hours. bonnet. My mother went to get her cloak as though The Trump had sounded and the last boat was leaving the quay for Paradise. and splintering to get the cover off. and prising. Long after midnight it was when we heard the bands coming over the mountain. for there was a thickness of people going up and coming down. saying it would be better to let it die its death in peace.

And it shall go in a special case under the picture on that wall. and answers to that kind of question are never any use. and one of the soldiers brought it to me. To sit down and rack the brain to remember every word.” Ivor said. Johnson was one in a century. For I often thought of her. and had good food.” “And then she gave me a baton. Llewelyn Rhys. for there he was. from the kiss. for the happiness of those few hours. The jersey was put to hang opposite the picture of the Queen in our front. that men will bless a name that once had flesh. with silver and gold inlays. and if they were comfortable in the Castle. and “Ehs” and “Ohs” from them all. and all day Sunday. Johnson from his friend Mr. even though put to my mouth through the goodness of his friend. with me. And yet not sorry. and standing to look with big eyes. and the very air seemed filled again with the stinging silence there might have been in that house off Fleet Street. and I count myself honoured to have tasted the wine of his speech. “You shook hands with the Queen?” “Yes.” “The Queen shook hands. and what a time she would have in the morning when she washed the floor. yet always kept alive by prodding memory in the volatile spirits of dignity. home brewed and long in the cask. So when the boys carried him back. like a king. “She is. in a long leather case of black crocodile. well. and so much dried mud on it you could barely see the the crest.” And beautiful it was. conscious of it. hungry years. Never will I forget the night my father read out the great man’s letter to the Earl of Chesterfield. and think now. “and the day and where. with wonder. But my mother would have washed the valley. Mervyn had no notion that I had been with Ceinwen and I never told him. Hundreds of people came in to see the picture. as with the Word.” “The Queen.” my father said. or studied by ourselves.” said my father. and be quick about it. and sent them upstairs with him. and laughed. And there was a night when he got drunk because of me.” Ivor said. Boswell for many a peaceful hour. for it was Open House all over the village and Davy was king of the world. boy. There is a friend for you. “She is smaller even than you.” said we all. The Queen. with two little silver hooks to close it. with rare treasures all round him. and I was sorry for my part in it. “She shook hands. indeed. but she told me it would come. and then the glad toil to write it all down. I am thankful to Mr. and eyes looked down at the writing with that calmness and distant cold that comes of prodigious fury long pent and gone to freeze in a dark corner of the mind. as though in fear. the women would have been on the floor. Drunk again. and kissed her cheek. or like the best of beer. my mother only looked at him and smiled. And no man shall refuse a good drink of beer offered in good feeling. That was one of the few nights I ever saw my father drunk. All the rest had left to go to work. Mama. he was. and if tea had been beer. too. Of ivory. For that Englishman is not to be read with the eyes alone. There was John Dafydd. with me in the little room next to Mr. and in doubt. and Davy had the cap for himself. each sentence a joy of craft. hundreds of years after the spirit has gone to new life. Everybody in the Valley got drunk that night. It was always a pleasure to see my father smoke his pipe in our front when somebody called. with a good voice. on the night our Davy scored a try against Scotland at Cardiff Arms Park. but read out. let us all go into the earth. and all the women telling her what a credit Ivor was to the family. Boswell. “Ask.” “With his name. “drink. But the great Dr. but so was the whole Valley. . as though still in a dream. and softnesses. of her warmth. warned me to give no sign that I knew her. and another one for the cap.” Ivor said. and the dearnesses that women have that are so sweet to man. and then only on beer that others pressed upon him. on the night when a quill scratched.” my mother said. and her picture making the house into a shrine for pilgrims. boy. written by the hand that through long. but we never spoke for we had no chance. and not a drop to be left. I saw her a couple of times with her father. Mama. So four of us worked in that little room. So I knew there had been hard trouble there. the whole a glory of art. and loved to hear good talk. like the perfumes of the Magi. and resting comfortable in red plush. “and she asked who trained the men to sing.” my father said to my mother. Long it was before the house was quiet that night. then?” my mother asked him. and now loosed as from the topmost heights of Olympus. “not herself. and throats making sounds of joy in their own language to have the beer go down.” my father said.“Up high. and Emrys Tudor. in the coalyard. in whispers. Ceinwen had left after that Sunday without a word or sound. so I stopped to ask them. but he had it cleaned out for us. not to make a mess.” “Did you see her close. Beautiful. So I could only ask him questions that had to go all round the world before coming to the matter. I knew the great Dr. Only four of us were left in the special class at school by the time examinations were due to start. We sat still when he put down the book. “She came up to by here. and holding out his hand. with my father dancing in the middle of the street wearing Davy’s red jersey over his coat. too. it is. and a rolling of the tongue. I made a glass case for that jersey. and whitewashed the skies above it.” Ivor said.” my mother said. If a man cannot get drunk on the night his eldest son comes back home with his hand warm from the touch of a queen. and there we worked under him. each word a laden fire-boat. “Gracious Goodness. Motshill’s study. And Davy carried on the shoulders up and down the street time and time again. this mere rebuke of a lordling. stepping on tip-toe to come in. It had been a storeroom. There is a marvel. like a queen herself. and for what. and a gold plate with the inscription on. But the other boys had it harder than me. for I was strong in English. except when we went to Chapel. and then went home to more work. and her eyes. and if they were all coal miners. “Go on. Goodness Gracious. and thankful for it. so that the rich taste of magnificent English may come to the ears and go to the head. although they gave me welcome and sore goodbye. And my mother sitting. and clicked her tongue. and proud of it. and the room was still. There was another night to remember.

I heard crying in the infants’ school. and Mrs. Jonas-Sessions. sir?” I asked Mr. and gay as poetry with little studs of brass all round the soles. holding her breath until you wanted to breathe for her. even in the vineyards of Paradise.” said the policeman. sitting beside me. you wicked boy. “Then go. I will be bound and still picking up his teeth. Motshill. and bowmen plucked strings while steel spoke in the ranks and lance heads glittered in the sun. Down the street I went with the policeman. at home. sir. Motshill asked me. with blood running red about my feet and my hands red with it. and drums beat. kind. “Not as bad as that. A couple of fat eyes. and a bit of ribbon in her hair.” said Mr.” the policeman said. Gruffydd. And send out for more. Jonas-Sessions. and in Chapel.” Mrs. and Milton. bright with polish. About her neck a piece of new cord. English grammar and composition is difficult even for the English. with his eyes in slits. and has shame. “I shall write to your father when I have seen Mr. with a long face. Motshill sent me from the school for the last time. And the board dragged her down. and pulling his sidewhiskers. a board that hung to her shins and cut her as she walked. my son. and yet. and men coming to stand before me who wore their steel as I wear tweed.” I said. with crowds about the gate to see me go. Motshill behind him holding a jug. and with sobs to rend the heavens and shake her little bit of ribbon off. “Morgan. and in her eyes the big tears of a child who is in hurt. and making a move with his hand to Mrs. and is frightened. with his tie out. “Come you. and Spencer. and insist. sir. “Do you feel well enough to go home?” “Yes. and far away. “Having his sense. “Tidy. and belittled by such monkeys in the form of men as our Mr. if you cannot read English aloud and in the English of the King. The lilac tree in the garden next door was lighting its lamps with blue coming to purple. “Do you hear me?” “Yes. and their swords were bright. that were the eyes of one not long from the cot and the tears that ran and shone in the sunlight swelled to crystal in mine. and pulled a face in shock. and there were marks upon her shins where the edge of the board had cut. and men were shouting. “What did I do to him?” I asked the policeman when we had got almost to the bridge. “I suppose you know what you did?” Mr. and with bracelets of fatness about the wrists. tired. Jonas. who build schools for the Welsh. “I would go down from the house and come back feet first and blue as the drowned. and William Shakespeare. Even of you I can think with pity now. reads. sir. white. half the beauty is taken from you. with faces of the innocent. I was walking in the playground with James Dafydd.” Mr. “No. as through the mist of a morning. for she was small. then?” “You have nearly killed Mr. not much. “I must not speak Welsh in school. when Mr. and Chaucer. but worse and worse for a Welsh boy. and I saw Mr.” said Mr. were still fresh in the moss on top of the wall. and saw his moustache in the glass of the picture.” said the policeman. with a rise and fall in the tone. I often saw him in town. Motshill. as though a child had fallen. and stopped. Poor Elijah. in the fist of Mr. never give one lesson in the pronouncing and enunciation of the spoken word. When I pulled you off. I was acquainted.” Gwilym said.” “Am I going to jail. Jonas. Jonas coming to stand in the porch with Miss Cash and smile. that were dimpled in the knuckles. and he thinks in Welsh. So stupid are the English. thanks to my father and Mr. and put on his helmet. and a spewing forth of earth and stones. I saw her eyes. Motshill looking at me. Motshill said.” So with Dr. And Good God in Heaven. with his helmet on the floor. and thank God. with her tongue between her teeth and spit falling helpless. to hear a noble tongue chewed. and so left a blank on the wall where the board should have gone with my name upon it in gold. I will admit. and John Bunyan. with his hands in his pockets. now. Motshill said. drying. Then the mist went thin. you were at him on the floor. “What. and slippery. in the street. and the voice came nearer and fell flat upon the air as a small girl came through the door and walked a couple of steps toward us. And so would I.” . “That will depend on Mr. and others of that royal company of bards.” I said. on pain of punishment. with her hands. and we were quoting from King Lear to have it strong in our minds for the examination. I found that I was dripping wet and my throat raw with shouting. and thus had a lasting benefit in school.” “There is a temper that old Earl was in.” my father said. And I heard a note in the infant voice as of trumpets sounding for battle. and fright coming grey about me. an infant. But as I went to her. O. and besmirched. And battle lust was in me. writes. “If I never move another step from by here. “If Ellis the Post brought me a letter like that with my name on it. “but tidy.had wielded its golden sickle in the chartless wilderness of Words. the grass upon a field torn. chariots raced and dragon banners streamed.” And Mr. and primroses. too. Blood on my fists. and the cord rasped the flesh of her neck.” “Thank you.” the policeman said. giving the dying end a good pull to put all straight again. Johnson and John Stuart Mill. he is. I will remember that morning. for you are in dust these years. but doubtful. In a pinafore starched to stiffness and shining with the weight of her mother’s iron. and sat. more than plenty of other boys. and in my blindness I saw. that English is to be spoken. sir.” I said. and from the cord. for all their insistence. “I will bet he smashed every pot and stick in the house. in ease and comfort.” I said. He speaks. Loud she cried. one side of his moustache bent down and his hair untidy with him. And a policeman looking at me. and what pity. but I saw only their feet. spread before her face for shame. and when he speaks English. it was. Motshill. Elijah Jonas-Sessions. Motshill. and when he reads English he will understand it in Welsh. Chalked on the board. with red socks fallen to nothing in the smallest clogs you ever saw. and she looked up at me as though fearing something more to hurt her. and the smell of it hot near me. he will pronounce the words with pain and using crutches.

“No. University. “Off home. They are ripe to have you in trouble. for a wonder. with tiredness closing his eyes. and a window opening inside me. “and then kept. “Then go and say so. and smiled. “I will rest happy in the grave.” “No worry. feeling the weight and points of all their eyes. so there is it. He has got a brain.” “No disgrace to leave the old place. And I was never a scholar. sir. “Good. “I will cut coal. “There are men as good underground as on top. No. “I told him to fight. “and see how he comes out.” my mother said. about being expelled. so nothing is to stop him.” “Good. “and then come down to the house. I will hit him to the ground. I think. “so you are all a lot of old monkeys going from the house. into the other valley and found Mr. And he should put good gifts to good use. Jonas’ address from the caretaker. and perhaps a bit better.” my father said. “leave it. So now then. Where he can be his own master in decency and quiet. I want the boy to have the best. “Right or wrong. and say good. and Mr. and mind that temper and those fists. But I thought they had stopped to use the cribban. no. “And when Mrs. and opened his hands wide.” I said. A warning that is all. Then decide.” “Beth. He only nodded his head. “Nothing. “Are you and his brothers a lot of old jail-birds. Huw. and her glasses coming off in a sign of trouble.” said the policeman.” I said. I want him to go in the law or doctoring or something good. my little one.” he said. If he wants to be something else. Why should he be a miner if he can be something else?” “Why not?” my mother said.” “If he will grow to be a man as good as you and his good brothers.” I said to him. “I will go down the colliery with you. all the time. “It is my fault in the first place. and anger coming. “obstinate and stupid. “And if I will hear a word of complaining from him.” “He can still take the examinations.” “Good-bye. sweet with ice. boy. “I have had my mind against it from the start. man?” he said.” “The colliery. Well.” “Good. I will be wanted again. You will take the examination. you have got to put poison down to kill rats. not coal cutting. Not a single word.” said Mr. now. round her little neck.” I said. looking at me. Stephens tells her old man what his little daughter have had round her neck.” “Expelled from school is disgrace.” I said. boy. And I had thought to have him a solicitor at the least. Jonas?” he asked me. and a good laugh. and not pull one. “Be guided.” my mother said. “Are you going over there to finish off the job?” he said. he went.” “The decision is to be made to-night. well.” he said. “Well. for it was the last thing in the world I would do.” said my father.” And while my mother cried.” said my mother.” “So did my father.” said my father. and no matter. It was different in our time. and looked up at the mountain.” my father said. And I am mad.” “Will he die?” I asked him. Gruffydd said nothing to me.” my father said. and in fear for his answer. good.” said my mother. is it?” “Yes. and surprised. and pass it. for you.” I said.“What do you think I will have for it?” I asked him. master and men. “except only at home. I do suppose. If he wants to be a doctor.” Davy said.” “Now then.” my mother said. “Good.” “The colliery. brought by Ellis the Post after tea. “It was the cribban.” “There are no good lodgings to be had on the earth. then. “Die. pull the other. There was good money and fairness and fair play for all. but no matter. I will kiss him. “He can find good lodgings. “it is his future I am worried for. then? No brains at all. I went mad. “Better for you to be silent. .” Owen said. then.” said my mother. “That is the settler. Motshill’s letter in front of my father.” Bron said.” my father said.” “He shall have himself to blame. I had my knuckles hit bloody for talking Welsh in school.” said my father. “Have you said you were sorry to Mr. That night all the family were round the table.” “What is not respectable about coal cutting?” my mother said. And if he wants to go to the collieries with his Dada. Dada. If he wants to be a solicitor. “He shall wait till there is an opening. So back over the mountain I went.” said my father.” my father said.” my father said. and him sent from a school I would think twice to keep pigs in. And only one with sense in the family. “It says there is nothing to stop him.” said my father. “No examination and no doctoring and no law. and very sad. disgrace. But it is still disgrace. Beth. He is. Mr. Good-bye. “Good God. now. and a good try for some respectable job. Beth.” my mother said.” “Let him take the examinations. too. What use to take brain down a coal mine?” “O. good. then?” “O.” “Ask him what he would like.” “Send him to school in Town. Then work. “I am going to get drunk. and looking at me.” I said. Since when have you fallen out of love with the colliery?” “Beth. sir. I want him to have a life that is free of the foolishness we are having. “I will work. there. “I am thinking of the boy.” said my father. And I am keeping a madhouse here. Gruffydd. good. No use to go from month to month.” “Just like the others. Not like now.” Ivor said.

and in a temper to take the voice from him. with his head up. and again the noise from the door. I hope. and the voice not strong as usual. To him. And I am sick of you. “As an illustration.” “Not for the sake of good books. “Come you. Jonas. and the house waited. You deliberately tried to ruin my name with Mr. a letter-box that was a yawn of brass. then. smiling with no laugh in it. And for the first time I noticed that the front doors were all shut. “without advice. and held the door wider. and let it go. Irish stew.” “But why am I a humbug?” I asked him. “Wait here. Lick my boots and you shall have no pardon from me or word to Mr. and warm on the face.” I said. A white blouse with a high neck and a brooch. I knocked. and new. and Mrs. and sent breath from his nose with impatience. In I went. till it was shut. and opened a door on the landing. I thought then. Humbugs. Gruffydd had been a prophet when he said I would end on the gallows. and the door opened with a noise to make you hold your teeth.” “I have come to say I am sorry. look at your background. “A waste of time. of Time To Come. “I am Huw Morgan from the school. with nothing in life but beer and bruisers and using the Chapel as a blind. Jonas-Sessions. Jonas sharp in the voice. Briercliffe. a nightcap on his head and a sticking-plaster on his right-hand knuckles. and watched a year of different feelings come into her face and pass. your school record. “But why should I expect anything else? After all. “Well. it was. Jonas to close the door. and a flat window. “A hundred yards from the house and everybody in town will hear you neighing. I was so filled with surprise to be called a humbug. all down the street. “You deserved expulsion. you gutter-bred rat. A window that swole out of the house on the ground floor. “only for a minute. Good God. “Because you pretend to be what you are not. “Why?” he said. A vice with all of you. smells of carbolic and used bedclothes and hot breath gone cool.” she said. Damned lot of cant. and still thinking of Time To Come. as I walked through the streets of red brick houses to find Mrs. She looked.” “I will say I am sorry. right down the street. “Then what use to say sorry?” he asked.” he said. But here I am. with curtains drawn and doors shut.” I said. For a time. I could just see blue hurt flesh. Mr.” I said. was a bit like Chapel with helpings of cabbage. well soaked.” “Useless.” “Not a pardon I want. mind. Living like hogs. “Please to tell them he is still bad and very sore with him. six little windows of stained glass in the top half.” I said. “Why am I a humbug. She spoke for minutes. and waited. “only to say I am sorry.“No.” “Look here.” he said. “I am sorry for what I did. for there was shaking in his voice not good to hear. and since the devil is kind to his own. with the letters pushed up a bit to have room. either. with lace curtains. Jonas. do you?” “Yes. my God. the colour of raw beef. He was looking at me from under the bandage. with seas running wild in my belly and hitting the breath out of me. You never saw a house fit anybody as his house fitted Mr. is it?” she said. I heard Mr. and ready to go home straight and say nothing.” he said. “I know your sort too well. “only to say I am sorry. even though it was a hot day. why be surprised? Coal miners. Jonas looked at me with her eyebrows up. Her hair was in a small knot on top of her head and curving up from her face. window shut. and no sense.” “I am sorry. Welsh. Jonas?” I asked him. and vinegar.” she said.” I said.” he said. and I insisted on it or I would have prosecuted you. “You will never get back in his good books by saying you are sorry. I had you brought up here just to tell you what I thought of you. As I told Mr. I tried to think what I would be. without a blemish. Of smooth red brick. and in Church Script on the fanlight. and what I would be doing in ten. dark with pulled curtains. and I waited. and a black skirt that pushed the hall mats out of place when she walked. Jonas was sitting up with a bandage about his eyes and a muffler round his mouth. sitting on a bed. and shaking his head.” So up I went. There was a heaviness upon me as I thought of Time To Come. yellow soap. Motshill. anyhow. Then she took a good breath. “I suppose you want a pardon. and a privilege. and a push. and very kind. It may be some consolation to you to know that I shall be teaching Standard Six again when I return. Motshill. Motshill.” he said. Inside the small room. and I could hear him telling people who I was.” he said. but soon well again. a fan of crinkled paper in the fire-place. and another good push. and still as wise.” I said. and I looked. Then she came out and leaned over the stairs. Strange it is to think of Time To Come.” he shouted after me. The smell inside. and the door made noises in its sleep. “Come in.” “Come to ask after Mr. for here was another of the same opinion. and scratching his leg. and thirty and forty years. You humbug yourselves and you humbug others. you were quite successful for a time. that he lifted for Mrs.” “Not a bit of use to me. but serious. Mr. and twenty. and I was sorrier than ever.” “You will end with a rope. then quieter.” she said. Jonas. and went upstairs like the wind among grass. “Sorry. Now get out. and the breathings of many hangings of cloth and pots of growing leaves. . A front door with splendid bit of graining with brown and yellow paints. good shoe leather. over the door.” I said. Mr. But I know you. “Good afternoon.” I said. built solid. and I wondered if Mr.” He could have said anything to me and I would have said nothing back.

Jonas?” I asked him again. from the Saxon word waelisc.” I said. Gruffydd said. “and when you are dead. “Only told him to live in hell. And nothing for the furniture.” “Look here. I wish I had done more. go there. . is it?” Mr. Johnson. with noise at the door again. Gruffydd asked me. and pulled me by the arm. Huw. Mr.” “I wish I could have the tongue of Dr. not so much interest. I am not sorry for what I did. putting him in pain and then telling him to live in hell. Mr.” I said. “Worry. before to marry?” I asked her. except my mother and father and Bron. then?” he asked me.” “Live in hell. Elijah was right that time.” “Oh. in the quiet little street. either. Welsh. You cannot blame ignorant men. you. Only saying that you are a bit different from old times. then?” “Good. and yet shaken by its tumult.” I said. till you are strong enough to stand under the weight of your own thought again. “You are heavier in your talk. and went from him with misery. is it? We will finish it with a couple of good days’ work. sir. “only for a minute. and thought from prayer. my son?” he said. and willing to run from there. You might as well kick a dog for not wishing good morning. my little one. but only a crude means of communication. Jonas call me a humbug. Remember. I would hit you harder than I have with fists.” “Ruth.” I said. and his eyes coming to watch mine a little sideways. I would strike you dumb and paralyse you.” “Why did Mr. as though to make sure I was going to tell truth. eyes still. “get out at once. “Yes.” she said. and know that I am God. “No. were you. then.” he said. and hatred will never change them for you. “I am sorry I said it to you. “not so much smile. Jonas picking up her skirts to come up. “He was mistaken. sir. and its wounds. English. “go from me. “Welsh. and surprise. “Ruthie. the very word is given to robbers on race-courses. down there by the side-door of the Chapel where a little path went dusty to the river. “you make a murderous attack on me presumably because I check the use of jargon in school. sir. “there is no reason why I should talk to you like this.” he said.” “You started in English. “No. And a man has got to have an inner knowledge and experience of the science of humbug before to honour another with the term. “Welsh is in your voice and in your speech. and your life becomes a prayer. But I want to tell you this before you go. Gruffydd?” I asked him.” he said. “How. and not much of gladness. then?” I asked him. Huw. the half-grown. “I am not worried now and I never have or will. Never trouble with people who call names.” “But why am I a humbug.” I said. Sometimes a light will go from your life. “Nothing. Jonas should look home. and yet you have the audacity to question me in English. and laughing all the way down the street. Huw. “I thought you never spoke Welsh or I would speak it to you.” I said.” said Mr. they call us. “Yes. Perhaps most of them never heard of the laws they made against us. dear. Jonas.” he said. His eyes carried loads of darkness. and God knows why I should do it. after moments and moments.” I said. “Ruth Morgan. and shifting on his elbow.” “Eh. and standing. You must learn to tell worry from thought. indeed. “Sticks and stones shall break my bones. sir. Welsh never was a language.” He turned from me to look up the mountain. Morgan.” “But you are Welsh.what a tribe. meaning a foreigner. with quiet. and Mrs. and he saw with tiredness.” I said.” I said. something of hurt. About the race-course. as though I had put out a foot to trip him.” I was down the stairs quick.” I said. and me in the midst of a fight that I could neither see nor hear.” he said. and put his hand behind him and touched my shoulder. You would never rise from your bed. Be still.” I said. looking from side to side in wonder. Gruffydd asked me to. Good God Almighty. I only came because Mr. and a hand went to her cheek. Worry about nothing. “Morgan. stop troubling your tongue with it. Simon-pure humbug.” he was shouting.” I said. too. and went from the house. and I was stricken with terror. and come in the morning for a start on the furniture. especially the tongues of others. and the top of the water full of ragged windows giving light. too. Huw. “Mr.” “Do you find a difference in me. something of a frown. but not felt. now. with only two of us in it. for I was neighing still. “oh. in a small voice of surprise. when I told him. Mr.” “Get out. and her eyes emptied. The language of the Queen and all nobility.” “Ruth who. They are the infantile. He looked down at me with something of a smile. up on top of the mountain. “I had the misfortune to be born in the country.” Mr. Huw?” he asked me.” he said.” “Yes. But if some of our fathers were a bit ready with their hands and quick in the legs the English must blame themselves. “you wicked devil. “What did you do to him?” she said. between tribes of barbarians stinking of woad. If you want to do yourself some good.” I said. “No mistake about that. Why. and ready to spill my blood for him.” “Yes.” “What right have you got to tell a man to live in hell?” she asked me and ready to fly at my face with her shaking fingers. I cannot tell you. I was.” “Why do you worry. “Get out. as though he would throw me out as soon as finished. Go you and live there before I will kill you. and her mouth that was open to say more closed again. sir. “I have failed in my duty. and nothing else I could think of. and I felt the heat going from her. and with patience that was willed. Gruffydd. and hot with sorrow as soon as it was out.

when we were having wheat cakes.” she said. and the windows big and plenty of them. Big windows on two floors. dear. Bron?” I asked her. Come and work here. as though it was of no interest. do you know?” . looking at you always as though you stood down at the bottom of the garden. Then it was that I understood the looks and nods and words here and there. “I was at school with her. and I knew from my mother’s face that there was trouble. A look at the ceiling would have shown you that. and very good. “Is he going over there. and I shall always be glad that Iestyn sold his interests. never mind the furniture. and she sat still. with chimneys of brick. “There are plenty of pieces of furniture that need repairs. and breathed sharp. “No. and with sympathy. “Is Blodwen still with your Mama?” “Yes.” I said. simple. and all the farm buildings whitewashed and kept spotless. back straight. and think of the steadfast mind that carved it into shape. So up with the harp and over the mountain to Tyn-y-Coed. and straightnesses. thank you. geese and ducks white by the pond. and flutings. “More trouble.” Bron said. the rest of the house. so pretty it was. Huw?” she asked me. “Come and take tea. “but a gentleman from America is coming to see him next week. he is.” I said. too. but I knew from the way my mother was standing that I was one too many in the room. Jonas and she clicked her tongue. “Wash in the little room. it was.” “Supposing I asked you to?” she said.” she said.” I said. “No. “How are you?” “Well. and gave her nose a dab with a piece of lace that was never in this life a handkerchief. Going to buy it. then. Huw. and had a love for good work. brown cows in the pasture. with her face in the green shadow of trees. It made me feel quite empty inside to think of Angharad having trouble. yes. Blodwen was dark in the skin.” “Oh. but there was nothing I could do. and the face of Isaac Wynn coming to harden me. A lovely bit of property. too. She spoke English nearly always.” she said. and looked at me straight. and a little hum from the harp every time I put her down. and a look in the teapot. built in the time of the second George on the house that came from before Elizabeth. “Angharad will be home here before long. on one side. “Would you like to come and live here.” I said. I told Bron about Mrs. “I shall be working soon. Huw. and her eyes were very brown. planned in a day when men thought spaciously and lived graciously.” I said. but it was a gentle laugh. and I knew from the look of Bron that not another word would come from her. and smiling very pretty. with trees to shade it and gardens front and back. It was high.” Bron said. and a big porch with pillars that went narrower toward the top. though a stranger would never have seen it. And as for the fireplace. She looked at me. I hated my father going down. and then to Paris. that it was pleasure distilled to pass the hands over it. even with hot pincers. you will see.” she said. Owen. for she went to school in London. “Good. with the houseman to take the harp from me. black and white and brown chickens in the yard.” she said. I liked that big room at Tyn-y-Coed.” I said. with her hands folded and her feet almost under the chair. Huw. because I told her why I liked to put my hands on work that had been blessed by good minds and the passing of time. Blodwen always had a little laugh at me when I went to Tyn-y-Coed.” I said. “No. And I think that furniture you made for Mr. with black hair and round brown eyes. and I suppose the teachers there stood no old nonsense from anybody.” “Must you?” she asked me. so out I went and down to Bron’s to pack the harp.Chapter Twenty-Eight I ESTYN’S SISTER was in the house when I went in. All of it was in white with green shutters. of white marble. “Good. “Oh. A good big house was Tyn-y-Coed. and so easy in its curves. “If it was my house. but plainly. and laid beautiful. “Has he had any more news about his patents?” she asked me.” I said. “Never mind. and turkeys sitting on the gate by the stables.” “Who.” “He put four hundred men from work. “I wondered whether you would bring the harp to Tyn-y-Coed to-night for me?” “Yes.” I said. A calmness was in her. and smiled again.” “I said I would work with my father. and a lovely walk with plenty of stops. “How are you?” “Impossible to feel better. “You speak like your brother. you would think it shame to burn coal there. “Well. “I hate to think of you going down the pits.” she said.” she said.” So I went in to have tea. Drunken swine. Gruffydd is simply lovely. he is. Then she put the teaspoon down. Blodwen was there before me and standing at the door.” she said. and tapped a teaspoon gently on her saucer as though she would be saying something in a moment to take the butter from the toast. The old part was still there. when Angharad and Iestyn were spoken about in the house. too.

“but I would like to catch them.” said Mrs.” she said. but cold serious. “It can never be a union in the sense of the word.” “He was pressing his best suit. Owen will be miles away. So does Owen.” She turned round and went to go out. For it is discomfort’s own essence to be near a man and to feel him in torture of misery. with fright.” “More than fifty thousand members. and the doorway was empty.” she said. voice gone deep with shame.” “How do you know?” she asked me. wide and round in her black dress with a silver chain and many keys rattling.” “No young ladies. “That woman becomes more and more impossible. and the Firemen.” said Blodwen.” Blodwen said. Mrs. “eight. Try this cake?” “Tea. in a fat voice.” “Oh. indeed. Owen Morgan. “I believe you are as bad as the rest.” “Catch them?” Mrs. Sometimes a drop of my mother’s beer. I wondered. with a hem of whisper. and warmth in her face.” Mrs. “No. too. and the weather. “and growing every week. Every tongue in the Valley will chat. very small. “young ladies abound? Have some more tea. Miss Blodwen. only her voice.” she said.” Orange came to light the wall outside in the passage. and turning round in the doorway.” I said.” I said. When I looked round at him he always looked away. Mrs. “Yes. “mouth shut.” I said. I have had plenty and very good. too. and coming to be angry. I saw his face in a shining.” “Why he bothers with that nonsense is more than I shall ever be able to understand. “There is silly you are. But as one day went to two. over the shoulder. and you. a mauve shadow in the coming darkness. and how hot the plates were for dinner. and the candles making her hold up her head and her face like a gold sun with sparks in her eyes. and firm. Owen Morgan. with a nod not to be argued with.“Perhaps. and then the Dockers. Like fleas in a poorhouse bed. and I will swear she was blushing. “You jump to conclusions. Twenty years ago I would have had you over my knee for that. Eight to supper. “Eight for supper to-night. “but of course.” She sat quietly for minutes. Nicholas came in with a couple of sticks of candles. “Over the mountain?” I asked her. is he?” “No. Owen Jones. but taking care. I did in my spare time. thank you.” said Blodwen. “she takes advantage. So she turned round every other step. Nicholas.” “Nicky. And if Owen goes. please. “and particular about a shirt this morning. quick. “Do you mind. to feel with him the very pain of the misery. “I heard him speak the other night. anyway. Ach y fi. “Nicky.” I said. In all the valleys. “Cake. Little Olwen was bringing our tea down to us. because her voice was low. and laughing.” “Huw.” “How do you know?” she asked me. pink rub on the polish of the sideboard panels when he was looking at me behind my back. Owen Jones. with a lot of brothers. “ever since it started. At first. Huw. I saw Mr.” “Am I a nuisance. no. and surprised. too. Nicky.” Blodwen said. That will be all. “Tell nobody.” “Let them. indeed. yes. I started to wonder again. until I was on tacks to ask him what was the matter. is it. and the looks got less.” Blodwen said. with impatience. Owen.” Blodwen said. Huw?” she asked me.” she said. “And Mr.” I said. Of course. then. We will join with Monmouth soon. Some. feet almost under the chair.” “Yes.” she said. please.” she said. before the shift went down.” “I still believe you can gossip with the best. Miss Blodwen. Nicholas. hands folded. and eyes of red to silver. and no Nicky. Griffiths. “there is a thing to say to your Nicky. when you should be saying yes. please. Huw?” “No. and going to the door with quick steps.” I said. Mrs. “Would he go with you over the mountain or two steps anywhere else?” I said.” Mrs. Nicky. Dear. and in a sudden moment I knew she was warmer towards me. and I used to go out and stand in the porch to watch her all the way up the Hill again.” said Mrs. please.” “Mr. “I like you. and yet to be unable to help. up and with the candle-holders. “if he can get somebody to do his union work for him. No young ladies. remembering Cyfartha. And made a suite of my own.” “Does he drink?” she asked me. with quiet. and give her a wave when she turned round. Miss Blodwen. “They are a nuisance. Nicholas said. and the fire giving reddish light to her cheek.” “Oh. Gruffydd looking at me many times in those few days I worked with him before I started in the colliery. a bit sulky. indeed. Davies. “I suppose he has plenty of friends?” she asked me. or listen in the market. dear. He could be drunk every night.” I said. and lighting more candles.” She seemed to go lower in the chair.” I said.” she said.” And that was how I went so much to Tyn-y-Coed. “I write the letters to London. Tea and water. “not a drop. Every piece of the furniture that wanted repairs.” she said. and the talk dropped to one or two words about the thickness of the polish.” “Well. Then I feared. “Yes. Mr.” I said. indeed. and handed my cup. “We went over together. indeed. and I had to . Nicholas said. “Mr. too. In darkness with a young man. and Mrs. Nicholas said. “Plenty. “I suppose.” I said. and scolding. anyhow. you men always say no. “There will be another. “No. though there was no change in her. but that was after. will you?” “Eyes open. with Ianto and Davy and he to take one each. Miss Blodwen? Master Huw is staying.” I said. Ianto or Davy will be there to take it to the top. and Miss Griffiths. As though a wall had fallen somewhere without a sound. Parry. “No. “Sitting in darkness. “Only go in any shop.” So that was why Owen was ready for three meetings in one night.

putting the cloth from him. They forget the love of Jesus Christ. and surprised out of voice.” I said. are with us solid on the instant. “So they are brought to dress in black and flock to Chapel through fear. Why. dear. Gruffydd’s voice. “and nothing done. to inflict a pain in the senses that is like the run of a sword. horror and black clothes.” Mr. and smiling.” I said. I thought when I was a young man that I would conquer the world with truth. sir.” “I have never heard you preach against any of them.” he said. then. nobody will know the difference.” he said. . sir. I wonder. superstitious fear. sad is the thought that we are in for a hiding in every round. “She is very much like Angharad. “The questioning of habit is fruitful of surprise.” “What shall we do.” I said to him. Gruffydd said. Only a few understood. flames. in the mention of Time To Come. not to conquer nations.” he said. my little one. and no chance to hit back. just enough to let in a thin smell of the steamings we shall live through before those who know us can go about with long faces to say we are dead. and sick. Gruffydd said. “Yes.” said Mr. that is so quick to wrench at the heart. “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth. “Because. sir. they are back again in their places down in Time To Come. “Chapel. “When she grows. It always took a good long time to wave her home. sir.” And he went from the house. and we sense them.” he said. but when we try to assess them. “Thank you. “Old. Gruffydd?” I asked him. “Would you fear a bolt of fire on your head.” “You have done much. still going on with his work. but to liberate mankind. “Why do you go to Chapel. no hope of a win.” I said. For while they are taking your clay from the ring. “O. or some other dire punishment if you stayed away from Chapel without permission?” “I would a bit. Gruffydd. Greater.wave or she would have been there yet. The rest of them put on black and sat in Chapel. I think. and the pains of age that come to stand unseen beside us and grow more solid as the minutes pass. and standing. and the tea nearly cold when I got in to it. But only a few heard the trumpet.” I said. and I saw him tramping the road to the mountain with weary quickness and my feelings were under his feet.” I said. you are up and starting your fight somewhere else. with a loud voice.” Mr. I thought I would lead an army greater than Alexander ever dreamed of. Huw. “Long time. The justice of God. What is there. Huw.” “Is it wrong to do that. indeed? “Yes. and honoureth me with their lips.” Mr. There is something of sickness in the thought that you shall make up your mind to enjoy your hiding. I was dry with it. to try and make up for want of words just before. and in the last round puts you down with a right cross to kill. Sad. They disregard His sacrifice.” he said. sir?” I asked him. I heard the blood in Mr. Gruffydd said. and searched libraries of words in hot seconds of emptiness only to give him comfort.” I said. Death.” “Twenty years’ time. With the golden sound of the Word. and everything. The vengeance of the Lord. fear. “Yes. Mr.” I said. Huw?” he asked me. drive a wedge under that tight-shut door. sir. “what am I to say? Who am I to preach to other men? My sins are as great. Eh. Perhaps we feel our youngness taken from us without the soothe of sliding years. sir. who plays with you on the end of a poking left. Or does the mention of it. fighting blind against a champion of champions. “Because you want to? Because you like coming? Because your mother and father come? Because your friends are there? Because it is proper to do on Sunday? Because there is nothing else to do? Because you like the singing? To hear me preach? Or because you would fear a visitation of fire during the week if you stayed away? Are you brought by fear or by love?” “I’m a bit surprised. and laughed. and then I stopped. “No. “I shall be an old man. I wonder. but their heart is far from me. and indeed. Horrible. and the consolation is only that you will never know the tasting of defeat. ready to meet us coming.” he said.” “And everything. Huw. With truth. “So would most of them.

and down the main heading that was noisy with trains. “I will cut the coal. and short with breath. “Well. Mama. I was in sweats with excitement to get my clothes ready. black.” he said. bolted together on a steel frame. NOW. and my mother going quickly inside. “you. is it? A bit of work. All the way down the Hill I had good mornings from the boys and girls.” “Yes. Dai and Cyfartha squeezed in before the gateman locked up. “Light your candles. and you shall know you are alive in a couple of minutes. quick with his pick.” Up this pitch-black little tunnel we crawled. “look after him. but I never got over the drop of the cage.” my mother said. “Yes. Next morning at quarter to seven I called for him. Then terror put sharp teeth in you. but he would have you down there.” I said. looking back and hoping they would reach us in time. “Good-bye. “O. For hour after sweating hour. Hundreds of times I went down. “Come you. I followed him through the arched brick of the pit bottom parting. For moments you would swear you were blind. When he stopped. when the gateman opened up. the air was warmer and carried with it the salty stench of raw coal. “mind your head. “Another one off. but with no more fuss than if I had been going to school. and about nine feet high with lamps every few feet to give dirty yellow light. and his pick punched deep into the seam. is it?” “Yes. so dark that you thought you saw lights. now then?” “Yes. “Good-bye. Something moving in the belly.” he said.” he said. standing straight only when we were flat on our backs. but not to stop altogether. now. “Ivor. and your knees were loose and bent.” “Good-bye. But the way they all said nothing. and light came to us. we worked down there. and the air growing cold. said more than if they had all climbed up on the roof to shout it over the Valley.” said Bron. and we dropped. worse than night.” she said. head almost to knees. underneath him. The main heading was only wide enough for the trams to pass. and I will show you what is next. until it felt as though we were standing in the middle of midnight with our knees bent ready to jump into morning. Dai Bando and Cyfartha were coming running to get in the cage when Ivor turned to go in. “Right. with clearance for walking on both sides. all looking at me with smiles as though to say wait. and the floor came firmer to the feet. and the singing of men working on them. and breath and savour of life to me. hotter than fire in me. And off we went. in their iron holders. for we banked the slag against the sides and packed it tight to act as a prop for the roof. one . for the gift of sight. or gave me a tap on the back.” he said. then. and stopping only to move slag that fell when the coal was loosed. and the planks black with years of use.” I said. and pretty indeed. and I lit a couple of candles and stuck them. untiring. but still dark. and gratitude. now. So I started to work. We walked a good long way among crowds of other men until Ivor turned up a little hole in the wall. Then the scream dropped and dropped. I had my can. waiting. and then Ivor stopped. bent double. bent double. and my side pocket was heavy with five candles. The cage was a box made of thick planks. “Ready?” Ivor asked me. Mama. To the men. “Come on. and me after him.” So off with our coats and waistcoats and shirts. and smiling. And good-bye. Mama. and you will push the lumps down the chute. into darkness. of course.” said Ivor. “Good-bye. you. so only a few of them nodded. Not a word. And the ground fell from underfoot. and threw his pick down.” “Yes. I stopped. Then go down and load all you find down there into my tram. and a touch of a kiss for me. There was so little air that the flames went to six inches with them. and kissed me. “Now then.” I said. Bron.” I said. with the dust of coal settling on us with a light touch that you could feel. “Right. into the prop. as though the coal was putting fingers on you to warn you that he was only feeling you. For hour after hour we seemed to be there. and heat in the head. and Bron gave him his can.” Ivor said. and my mother came with me as far as the door.” said my mother. But going on to the pithead I had the same feelings as when I was in the boxing ring just before the fight was on.” he said. and lightness. Ivor was a good workman. and Dai saw me looking at him through the elbows of the man in front. Ivor. and the floor inches in dust.Chapter Twenty-Nine I VOR CAME OFF THE DAY SHIFT and told me to get ready to go to work the next morning with him. and our feet barely touching the falling floor. I was only another boy starting to work. with a scream from the wind. and sounding like a big drum. but nobody said a word in the house.” I said. and his voice coming like a roar in the dark.

There is good to see the tubs ready and the buckets all lined up. now. and surprised. and then went to the station with them to see them on the train. One bucket over you to take off the worst.” “Oh?” the booker said.” she said. or for a swill of tea to take dust from the throat. “Good. and she looking at us with half-shut eyes. “A bit of business. But then she came back to me fifty times as strong.” she said. and not a hair out of place. and when I was dressed Bron came in again to scrub him. now?” “Ours. for there were more than enough in ours already. and knew with thanksgiving. “There is plenty of time. feeling the blessing of the sun. to rub a white lather all over you and duck under the water. She must have known how our shifts worked. that I never lost. I had almost forgotten her. looking at clean light. free. But before that Saturday. even on the first day.” the booker said. “London. indeed. to be coming up among that crowd of men. punch. indeed. Owen had a telegram from London and I helped him to pack his engine while Gwilym packed the tools.” When my father came in he pulled me by the ear and smiled at me. but the hands. Business. down there. “What volunteers?” asked Owen. but Mr. now. “Solicitor’s office. “You are black down the back. and plenty of coal. lie on his side. A good friend to man is water. A worker was Bron.” the booker said.” said my mother. Off with the clothes and leave them where they fall. too. then?” “Good.” Then Ivor came in. it always seemed to be there. with sweat making his skin into black silk. “Sit. of them. “Old Roberts will have them. I bathed with Ivor in Bron’s back. are hopeless. but never friendlier than when he is running down your back. with a frown and a smile. She asked me to meet her the next Saturday afternoon in the same place as that last time. Mama. there is a miracle again. “you are ready for your dinner. with them.” And she took the brush and scrubbed my shoulders. “Are you going with the volunteers?” the booker asked. out there. steaming. I was. and eat plenty. O. why we sat on doorsteps when the sun was out.” said the booker.” And in the years that passed. I knew well. You shall scrub and scrub. “how is the old man. stand sideways and bent. thanks to me.” said Owen. is it? What. And. where Dai Bando had those muscles in the belly. is it?” “Yes. not from Ellis. and I never went to sleep without thinking of her. Into the tub. till I was glad I was me and not the floor of her kitchen. among the crowds on the shift.” said Bron. my little one?” she asked me. Mama. and think to myself that this might be the mourning band of the earth. Dada. And I always thought I saw a face in the glitter of the coal face. “And two tickets to Paddington. with big eyes. “No more colliery. Only to be quiet. Coal will lie there and laugh at you. a part of them. beyond the punch.” Gwilym said. and scratching something off his cuff. “Well. “Well. light that crawled with dust that sometimes shone. Ivor would kneel. never a stop. “Two to Paddington Station. and passing boys I knew without a nod from them. then. till it was time for eating. eh?” he said.” “No offence. “Have I got skin left by there?” I asked her. and then lathered with her hands and swilled water over me. “Off. “You will find out. “Did you have it hard. to-morrow. and especially those little lines in the balls of the fingers. and wishing hot for Saturday. then a rub of soap. The muscles of the belly might feel to be tearing apart long before the end of the day. “Come you. what joy to come up in the cool air of night after hot hours in the light of candles.” . “Paddington?” the booker said. “but no pattern. from the creeping touch of the fingers of coal. knowing the sounds and the sights of the colliery as they did. please. when I came up. But I felt a man in real truth.” said Owen. and keeping as much of myself under the tub edge as I could. for a couple of hours. “Good God.” he said. “Those old Boers are hitting the eyes out of them. until I remembered the top skin of coal dust that covered me from head to foot and hid me from them.” I said. and quick. blacked by the same dust. I used to look at the shining black strip in the orange light of our two candles. and bathed while I dried. I suppose I had been working a couple of months when I had a letter from Ceinwen. are you?” “Yes. and rest aches. I found out.” Owen said. I always seemed to hear a voice in the heavy quiet. by the milestone. more soap. so bent we were. “because if I have. “Only asking a civil question. and the rolling echoes of coal sliding down the chute. but from a driver of one of her father’s coal carts.” I said.” said Owen. and looking as though foot-long cigars would drop from his pockets any moment. and us taking it from her to burn. again?” “Yes. Up the Hill. holding breath to feel the gentleness all round you. “No. another bucket. “South Africa. is it?” “Colliery will do.” I said. But there was always a fear in me.” “No odds to us.” she said. Now you will see a bit of yourself. and I found out that she had made it her business to know. and rolling her sleeves. or on his back. and I went down to the house.day soon when you were looking the other way. punch of Ivor’s pick.” I said. us. chasing coal dust off with a stick of soap. and never mind how much Ivor cut from it. thinking with the same mind. one eyebrow down and the other one up. sharing their tiredness. but never a pause. with your permission. Then I knew. waiting to have a reckoning. close as your own skin.” “Skin you have got.

in a bunch in her arms. Kitchen round the back. “O. Night shift. “Gracious. “Yes.” I said.” my mother said.” I said. “how glad I am. to be given to her in secret. me. and red and yellow.” she said. “And tell her. and looking at them very superior because they were only going a bit down the line. “I will wait. I saw Blodwen coming round the house with flowers in her arms. Huw.” she said. “Two tickets to bloody Paddington.” “Is he a soldier. But not as Blodwen thought. nothing to anybody. Say nothing outside.” I said. “What a pleasant surprise. and started to hum. Only messengers of princes know how to feel so important as I felt that day. but I had quite as much of the game as my brothers. for when the train went.” she said. “She have gone from the house. Over to Tyn-y-Coed I went. and stopping.” “I have sworn to have you out of that pit. There is pretty she looked in her big hat with flowers and roses.” Gwilym said. when I told her what Blodwen had said. “Huw. that I shall be in London on Monday? A sudden call. Nicholas putting asters in the copper jug on the hall table.” she said. and with gloves and shears straight from the garden. no. too. But then she read. Huw. indeed.” We were walking up and down the platform like three lords for hours before the train came in.” She gave me the flowers to hold. But I had a letter in my pocket from Owen to Blodwen. and saying to each other that I was one of the Morgan boys and two of my brothers just off to London. will you. and everybody looking at me when I went. I was able to wave to them till they turned the bend. with something of sourness.” We did. and smiles came back twice as strong. bent forward a bit.” “Good. and he said for you to say nothing. “Well. and quick. but we were off to London. that Iestyn sails for South Africa in three weeks. I wished I was going.” . He gave me this letter.” “Yes. Tell your mother. quick. tea for Huw. and perhaps more. We shall see.” she said. “Not with those boots on this floor. “It is with polish for the feet of gentry. too.” “I will be in front.“And having a civil answer. but no matter. so that any ears in the house might burst. with laugh. with a big smile. and in to find Mrs.” I said. letting everybody see the Paddington labels on the bag. and nearly dead with surprise. then?” I asked her.” she said.” “Owen has gone to London. and the smile had gone. “if nobody else has.” I said. bless her heart. Now then. “Something to do with coal for the Navy. There is a lovely music in the saying of the word. with quiet. “Miss Evans.” she said. “Say nothing. “And before you are much older. and even some pink toward the end. “Angharad is coming home while he is away. and opened the letter as though it was a job she could have done without. and went out.” she said. please.” I said. “and then back.

“Why?” “I want you to take me to the Town Hall for the acting. Do you know why I asked you to meet me to-day?” “No. fourpence. I have got a list of your shifts.” “Why do you want to go?” I asked her. to be near her mouth.” “Where?” I asked her.” “There will be no place at home for you when you go.” she said. “I will be wicked.” “I nearly had my death through her. “making sure. and a fire withering my spine and sending tears to my eyes. red. with shame to put me in the ground.” she said.” she said. “No more slipping home to tell stories.” she said. too. “Good God. and a big hat sitting on top of a rick of new hay.” I said. and her eyes blinking. and in the ears. and grey with the weather. “No. then. and hoping with cold hope that she would say no. “who is he? They are going mad to see him up there. never mind to go by myself. and laughing. like a little girl.Chapter Thirty CEINWEN. Irving is wicked.” “You will have a hard life.” she said. too. “This long time. so that the greens of trees and grass were a mixing of green without shape.” she said. when she was saying yes in that voice. “Why?” I asked her.” “Who is he?” I asked her. the old one.” she said. “And you will be in time. They will come to the stage door for me. boy. so no good to say you are working. No use to struggle for there was a laziness coming heavily upon me. “In time to come. quickly. and a shilling.” she said. “Good job you stayed home. and from far away. “No matter. You live within yourself as king when you become a man. seven o’clock. and a long blue coat. with a blessing of softness and something of tears and a smile far down. hoping again that I would be safe in work down below. “Next Wednesday and Thursday. and only sight left. But still the smile. Standing up.” I said. and the old mare smiling and lifting her big knees as awkwardly as ever she did.” she said. “Let us hide the trap. “The acting. her voice. “He had a gun waiting for you. And if I went by myself. only the turmoil of my blood. “And wicked people.” she said.” “Your hair is up. waving the whip. to show them big and grey. “What acting?” I asked her. in reach of the softness of her. in a dress of blue.” “And tie the mare.” “When is the acting?” I asked her. and looking at me with her head down. Up. with that in them to make me have my breath short. . as though the mountain was going from under us.” she said. I am sick to the heart with the coal yard and hands black with coal. with her eyes only just to be seen under the brim of her hat. with reason perished and sense gone. With flowers. “Did you have trouble that night?” I asked her. and me in my best brown tweed. A woman. why. and came close to me. But they never found out about you. sixpence. and still the eyes. and her face as though with a light inside it. Here comes the trap. “there is grown you are. and put reins about my voice.” I said. Huw. and her voice coming fresh as from a thousand miles away. wide. boy. with the paint worn off. but slow. “Not a tear would come if I never saw them again. boy. “In London. “Trouble?” she said. I want to be an actress. with the hammers striking the white hot steel in my middle. “Are you going to London?” I asked her. with a smell like the mists of Paradise. and O. and all I wanted to do was stretch my muscles and lie near to breathe her scent. “I want to be an actress.” “O. I turned from her. “Huw.” she said.” she said.” I said.” How to say no.” I said. “Good God. Then he would lock me in. perhaps they would stone me in the street. too. “Because I want it. “Will you come? Say yes. and going up in front of her so that she should not see my face. No plaits.” I said.” I said.” “If Mr. and opening them wide. I will never be allowed to mention the word in the house. boy. only I want it.” she said. Mervyn would faint if I asked him and perhaps tell my father. but crippled. would tax the will of a shift of prophets. and turn quickly away. “Yes. still the kiss. with a buttonhole of rose. And Ceinwen. of a deep greyness. “O. on Saturday afternoon.” she said. Huw. I was strapped till I was in bed for days. were you?” “I made well sure. with a pouting. “The actors are coming to the Town Hall for two nights.” she said.” “I was coming over to see your father. No hair hanging loose.

muscle turns to stone. Yet still no bolt. dear to me. then. And I had a madness hot within me that was of the mouth and the fingers and the middle. “Half-past six. when the mare was in the shafts and stamping. like the fingers of the wind through the high notes of the harp. very pretty. . Wednesday. and breath comes back to empty lungs and a trembling to the limbs. Yet this it was that left the Garden to weeds. I found her dear.” she said.” I said. How green was my Valley that day.” she said. “Oh. there was a dear shyness in her that I had never seen before.” “More. and kissed her with little kisses. “Good-bye. I looked at the back of her head. Huw. no fire. and innocent you always were. and the peace of the mountain side. hopeless. with chanting in poetries that never knew a tongue. with a trembling when she reached for breath. and the bend of head and the little fist upon the whip. and round movements tormented her body. twistings to be free to search. And at the middle where the arrow steel is forged. “O. lying quiet. and an urgency of writhings to be nearer. please. No change has come. now. and closer. and sat. “Well. With you. and the spinal branch bends in the bowman’s hand as the singing string is pulled to speed the arrow. for the string has sung its song.” she said. I have seen and heard beyond this life. I kissed her to leave a mark.” “Peach blossom. “Sweetheart mine. and a moving of blue in a blowing of dust. glad I am the first is you. No angels with a flaming sword. with strength that was savage. green and bright in the sun. and in her untidiness. “if I could claw the soul from my body you should stamp on it with nails and no sound from me. and a breath got caught on the crag of a sob. loose plaits of hair tucked underneath her hat. and the grip of her fingers left bruises for days to come.” What shall a man say. What is respect? Shall I touch my cap to you?” “But I am wicked?” she asked me. “For me. “And nothing has been said from by there. and her hair. “because you loved me. please. There is itch to find the pool. momental miracles of rich anointments. and a crack of the whip.” “Good-bye. and saw the pale.” she said.” She put the whip in her left hand and looked at me. “O. The fingers are intent on searchings to soft places. within itself. “do you think of me the same as you thought before?” “O. In that kissing of the bloods there is a crowding of sense. now?” I asked her.” I said. only in the hotter blood of woman. but never to be tasted. And in its flight it reaches to a rarer height than can be found in earth. and kissed her. Shall I think less or more of you because of it?” “More. and she swallowed deep to be rid of it.” she said. curving coils that shone. and loud. and if I never move from by here.” I said. my Ceinwen. A lovely smile.” she said. “Well?” I said. Only the song of a thrush. and dustiness. and put an arm slowly about my neck and pulled me down to kiss me. fallen among the grass in bright.” I said. and deeper.” she said. just the same as they were. is something hard to think of. The mouth reaches for newer fruit that seems to be near. She looked down the road. Sweetheart mine. “Good-bye. and sounds were in her throat. now. Your eyes see plainly. and up in the trap. when breathing is forgotten. and making sounds. with tears coming. with stray ends hanging down to the collar. there is a ruination of heat that seems to know.” she said. No man shall know what gods are working in him. “Look. sweet splendours of immersion. A warmth sang out of her. Eve was still warm under me.” she said. what did you do?” “I loved you. “am I a rat with green teeth. The trees are green. and the smell of green. I had eaten of the Tree. “O. then. to look down in the Valley. “Right. An anthem rages as a storm. and she sighed a little bit. And Ceinwen. Huw. and crackling fires of primal colours burst behind the sight-blind eyes and myriads of blazing moons rise up to spin for ages in a new-born golden universe of frankincense and myrrh. too. “Please. Ceinwen. “Respect for what?” I asked her.” I said. “Mm. “Why?” I asked her. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. then? The minutes will go slow till half-past six on Wednesday. and the sun making the net shine and silvering her veil. No bolts of fire. strange music. to give a woman ease of mind in so sad a place.“Yes.” I said. “Good-bye. “By the side of the Town Hall.” she said. “The coal yard.” she said.” I said. and O. You only were a woman. with a smallness of voice. is it?” Up I went in the springy trap.” “But. Then the tight-drawn branch is weak. with tears passing softly from the corners of her eyes. “What. that coolness will come. “Have you lost respect?” she asked me. no swords. and put limp arms about me. and sat. but the senses are too far from their tips and impatient of their fumblings. and dust upon her shoulders.” she said. “Come and give me another good big kiss to last.” I said. There will never be another.” I said.” I said. and the lobe of her ear red and fat. Huw. only you. “God knows. Huw. “Glad I am I never knew. Innocent you were.

there was sound of a hymn from outside. about a lighthouse. and he with his hand to his forehead.” Ceinwen said. Ceinwen held my hand tight when we went in. we only went to our seats when the caretaker put out the lamps. But a long. And pretty. full of wounded soldiers and beautiful nurses. that she might have been in Chapel. I remembered nothing of it. A good sit in the river. and so was Cordelia. and have it again. but even then. and the shouts not to be denied. Hissing we were. with alleluias and swearing mixed. Good manners have the birds. and quietness till you have done. to light them up again. and wiping sweat from the work. she in long tails of hair that she pulled with grief. Hamlet had a cold in his nose. and so did Richard. but so serious she felt with the acting. too. about me. Off she went. and we had to think we saw the villain in the rowing boat. and every man in the hall on his feet with his coat half off. and Lady Macbeth.” I said.Home. that other world that I had seen. of actors straight from Drury Lane and the Grand Theatre. But very good. “I would like him to do that to me. Of bricks. and cracking in the panels. or whatever it was. me. and shouts. too. never mind that I had to loose my hand from Ceinwen’s because they were so wet with hotness. and I was careful to have two shilling ones near the door.” Ceinwen said. punch. Then a drama. and Shylock. “Come on. If you are happy and your voice goes high in a song. all doing a bit from the plays. no matter about wounded soldiers and a fig for beautiful nurses. with sweetness and close in my ear. “Wait you. “Come you. and push them loaded along the rails and off. Many a farmer would have thought it shame to have it for a barn. in my best grey suit. and ready to go up there and pick marrow hot from his hip bones. The Town Hall was called Town Hall only because it was the only hall in the town. every lump out of the seam a foot nearer to her in a tunnel of time. but without thought.” I said. and stuck. with holes in both his stockings and a slipper that flapped. and shivering in the storm.” I said. and Ceinwen squeezing her shoulders from happiness. the sticking of notices. Yet in that moment I lived again our time together. just before the curtain was dragged open. every tram minutes less. “follow him down the passage. and a big ship coming home from Cape Town. Time moved on the end of Ivor’s pick all day on Wednesday. “How about the back way?” . We got into something. and touched his arm. and a hitting on doors. he is. and quick. from members of the company. and scrapings of feet and scoldings of chairs. “only just once. they will find seats to be near. spitting on his hands from rowing. a moment. wide and strange and beautiful. said the pick. Roars of laughing. was coming home to claim his inheritance. I could see the stripes on it. and quiet coming. not even the opening of a bud in the time of man. He had put the light out. “There is elegant. “is it more trouble for me?” “For me. and respectful. Swimming. please to see the management. and a wait. His name was Mr. Plenty of clapping from the front for a small girl who played Juliet. I would kick the drums from his ears. each time. Shakespeare we had. but if he drowned. from hundreds. in whispers. Every lump was a few moments nearer her. by the entire company. even when he was saying nothing. Raymonde Ffoulkes. hasty to slide down in the smelly darkness and lift coal with the strength of giants into the trams. indeed. with a hushing of hishts from those in the hall. Punch. there would be only one claimant to the title and estates. but the hymn was louder. but though I saw and felt the things of earth so clearly. what did he do but pitch in to Ophelia and give her a couple of good ones and put her out. We would have had more interest if we could have had a look at the lighthouse or the ship. and I was savage glad to send the lumps roaring down the chute. another drag. that was my own. and somebody behind the stage whispering that there was always this bloody palaver with the rag. Huw. Falstaff said. that universe that I had created of myself. before the Royal Navy had chance to show himself. The double doors were rocking under kicks and the pressure of shoulders. the blowing of a feather. was far. Good for the breeding of rats. and then we were off. and another good pull. and any doubts of his veracity. and pulled Ceinwen out into the lobby. Ophelia was fat. And Ophelia lying flat in the middle of the stage like a bundle of washing. too.” She kissed me. who had been wounded in the war. who was having trouble with a pillow stuffed underneath his tunic. and a long taper coming from the sides. I am willing to swear the same man played them all. Then I saw Dai Bando and Cyfartha Lewis coming out in the hall. but I sang to make the birds sit quiet and tip their heads and lift an eye. and stamping up and down to put the candles out in the stage lights. Then the villain came on. I will stay and see nobody comes after you. But on top of the mountain. and near to a faint with joy to be there. but a bit fat. far beyond me. The shutters in two windows were having the attentions of crowbars and one of them burst as Falstaff flew back along the passage to the back of the stage. nothing. Falstaff said to us. each punch of the pick like the tick of a clock. Then Falstaff went for the Royal Navy. Falstaff was the lighthouse keeper and Ophelia was his daughter. but never mind. We waited till the place was full.” In the little hall Falstaff was sweeping coppers and silver into a leather bag and very quick about it. and I turned to watch the door. and Macbeth. for Falstaff. but they were out in the sides. If she worked in a colliery God knows how she would have a bath. then. and the sittings of justices. and then put on grey hair and spoke the lines of the old nurse. With them were other men. and stuck again. “O. that other music I had heard. and Portia. son of the devil’s own dam. I expect. and no noise in the finding. in case. and holloaing to blow him back in the water again. in a dream lived backwards.” But then. and thanking us for our kind attention and beg to remain our most obliged. So out went the light. long old day. and I yearned to know it.” I said. and looking at the door that was bulging now. Milan. But very good.” she said. all crowding out to see what the noise was about. picking a few little flowers for her. because his half-brother. “Dai. punch. and everybody going mad because no light was in it.

and a shout went up from inside and out. and from the candles that had marked the time in fallen grease. “So I will clear my decks. and hit the sergeant a half-arm left that put him out flat. and me treading on the bodies. “Well. I would like to have had my boots in the chops of a few of them. you are standing like stiff from the coffin. Have I seen anybody? The whole five valleys have been in by here. A pity.” Dai said. and carried me in a forward rush to the door where the sky showed lighter than the darkness of the lobby. Then they were in. Then the lamp fell as a billet of wood hit it.” But I thought of Ceinwen and slipped away from Dai to the clearing space between me and the hall. I was up beside Cyfartha when I saw the silver spikes shining in their helmets. and they bound an arm about one another. “Gentle. falling to the pavement. and snakes coming from the eyes. and two men fell sideways. please to put the good toe of your boot to their shins. and very solemn. for I remembered the muscle that in clothes looked nothing. and the fourth jumped down out of harm. I saw Cyfartha turn and duck as I fell back among the crowd. using heads and elbows. and he fell in among the shouting crowd. see. man. Frightening to see. “Come on. “Heads down. hitting hell out of one another all night. and then he came for me. Dai’s head came up sharp under blackcoat’s jaw. they went through that crowd like flame through paper. a hook caught him in the round comfort of belly. and boots. Full tilt we went into a husting of crates they had put there to have speeches on. Eh. “Come between us. I went in and sat like two Christians and I am going out. It was dark up there and no light. Dai. “See you to-morrow. indeed. and shaking to churn butter. and as the second went to hit him with his truncheon.” Cyfartha said. under the feet of the crowd. “Dammo. Dai’s fists swung one. with the green baize of his apron torn down the middle. The table and chair went over and the crates started to go over.” “More shame to you. boy. and I eeled in between their shoulders. and the grunts of strength used full. and a coldness coming to make his eyes pale. Have you been having a pennyworth of this rum shanks in by here?” “Yes. and impatient with anger. but still squeezed close in the shouting crowd. and when I stood up again. Raising hell out there. When my right is busy with a chin. Cyfartha had done something to the third one. Cyfartha hit his lovely long left flat upon the nose of a tall young man in a square bowler hat. The hat went to the roof. “Front.” he said. with screams of pain and sharp flat hits of fists on flesh.” I said.” I said. as I came in. and pulled his bowler hat on tight. Eh.” said Dai. I never saw where the tall young man went. Cyfartha?” “Christians. Brown cap had come to fist Dai a good one on the ear. and even on the faces. and faces were on top of us. “Young girls this time of night?” “She ran down this way when the fighting started. “I have paid money like a Christian. but the door was open and I went in. both warm from the bodies of those who had lived a little of their lives there. both. indeed to God. we came to cooler air. Dai. If you break a bone.” “Have you seen anybody here to-night?” I asked him. and mouths wide with shouting about hell and sinners and the devil. eh. and lighting a bit of candle in a hole in the wall. Seen anybody? Is there anybody living who stayed home?” “I am sorry.” “Let us go through the back. and looking as though the least I would be was a wizard. running fast for the side-door and missing a rush of men by inches. “Who is it?” he said. “Through a shop and out through the back way.” “Will I come with you?” I asked Dai. Cyfartha?” “And likely to be a tidy bit more in by here. But now police were clearing the crowd and Dai saw a danger of more jail and hooked his thumb at Cyfartha.” Cyfartha said. and gross knocks of boots on bones. and a good week to clean it. and buttoning his coat. and heads down. I kicked for touch in the middle of his shin and as his teeth clicked in pain. “I am going out the front. but with Dai on one side. “O.“Well. my little one. pressed headlong by the crowd outside. through the front.” he said. and having their breath in the face. Dai’s elbow came up to knock a couple out. “Come on.” I said.” he said.” . Then a match was struck.” I said. and the smell of them with tobacco and sweat. “There was a hell of a row because they let the actors have this place. us. Quick.” he shouted. but Cyfartha pulled himself up on the top of one and held it down.” Dai said. a weight it is to the conscience. hot and red. like that one in by there.” he said. man. and we were in raging darkness.” I shouted. boy. “I was looking for a young girl.” Cyfartha said. two. and smiling to show his tooth. Dai. look. Black heads were moving there with crowds more down the steps outside. A fat blackcoat with ginger side whiskers had a fist in Dai’s coat collar. Huw. “Seen anybody?” he asked me. for the crowd was dense and going back and back from the press of men shoving a way out of the hall. with a skull.” “Ready now. like a Christian. Speak. A hand gripped me like the Devil’s tongs. too. I will go to my death. and his mouth flew apart. There is silly are the things you say in times like that. senseless. with planks falling from the door and faces to be seen outside. That was when the policemen came. Have you seen my hall? A cattle pen. but somebody came toward him with a stool raised high to smash on his head and I shouted. but both empty. Dai saw them. and Cyfartha on the other. knees. “there is good to see you. he was helping Dai to have a footing. fists. with staring eyes. and I saw the caretaker. “what is the crowd outside for?” “Chapel.” Cyfartha shouted. and put down a hand to help me. The chapels were holding special prayer meetings to-night against it. and laid hold of me. and I saw it slip out of place. Two little rooms there were. Cyfartha?” “But gentle. We were crushed against the rocking crates. and jumped down. and buttoning back his cuffs. “no time to talk about old girls. Dai. of those who would have stood to block the way. not to hurt. feet flying all shapes.

“Did you see a girl,” I asked him, “with fair hair? Young she was, and with a smile.” “O,” he said, and pinched his eyes to sharpness, “a sweetheart, is it?” I nodded to him. “Yes,” he said, and nodding with his lips tight, “I remember. Mrs. Prettyjohn took her with her. They went in the coach.” “Where did they go?” I asked him, and a coldness busy in me. “Wherever they went,” he said, “and a riddance to rubbish, so help me senseless. No more actors here. None, from to-night. I have had a gut’s full and brimming. Good night, now.” “Good night,” I said, and went.

Eh, dear. How cold it was over the mountain that night, inside and out. And a light in the kitchen, and the back door open, when I got home. “That you, Huw?” my father called, from the kitchen, and I stopped dead. “Yes, Dada,” I said. “Come you here,” he said, and I went in, closing and bolting the door, and taking plenty of time, wondering what had happened to put that note in his voice. “Have you been to the acting to-night?” he asked me, when I was in and standing before him. “Yes, Dada,” I said. “You would disgrace your mother and me in such a manner?” my father said, and thin with anger. “No disgrace, Dada,” I said. “Disgrace,” he said. “You dare to come home here, stinking with the smell and touch of them, and your brains polluted by their filth? Think shame to yourself.” “But, Dada,” I said, “only Shakespeare they did. No pollution.” “Pollution of Satan,” my father said. “Shall you have anything else from such a sink of corruption? Whores, cotqueans, and dandiprats to spread their wares before you? Think shame, Huw Morgan.” “I think shame that you should think of me like that, Dada,” I said. “I am glad to see a glimmer of decency in you, then,” my father said. “A splendid thing, to be stopped in the street by such as the son of Abishai Elias and told my son is in with bawds and toerags.” “I will see him later,” I said. “You will please to go outside and bathe from head to foot, first,” my father said, “and then you shall come inside and pray for the good of your soul. And if you go to such a den again, and I come to know of it, I will have you outside with the fists. Remember.” “Yes, Dada,” I said. “Bathe,” he said. And I bathed. Frozen I was, and paining with cold where the wind put his sharp old fingers through cracks and dug at me, and not even warm when I was dry, so the prayer was chopped in bits by restless teeth, and all my sense was in my pair of aching feet. A beautiful ending to a day I had wished for with rich longing. Longings, indeed. When Owen sent a telegram to say he was off to America with Gwilym, I longed to be with them. But when he wrote to say he had married Blodwen Evans, I longed for Ceinwen, to be married to her. That was a morning, with my mother crying and my father trying to tell her they had meant no harm marrying in a registrar’s office. “Just as good and binding as Chapel,” my father said. “They could have come home,” my mother said. “We are not good enough.” “O, nonsense, girl,” my father said. “Business, see, and sailing to America takes the time. He is a man in business now, with his own life to make. And no man is happy who is without a good wife.” “No good wives in an old office,” my mother said, and tears to fill pots. “Go on with you, girl,” my father said. “London is big, and the days are short. He could have done much worse than marry her in an office.” “Hisht, Gwilym,” my mother said. “What he did was only a bit above worst.” But she was quiet for days to come, and even the lilies of the valley from Blodwen’s bouquet, that she sent in a parcel, helped nothing. She was angry, and in pain, that her two boys should go away all the way to London and America, and no proper good-bye. And then to be married on top of that, again. “I said good-bye to them for London,” she said, “not America.” “Good-bye is good-bye,” my father said. “There is good-bye, and good-bye,” my mother said. “Would I send my two good boys all the way to America with only an old kiss and a couple of beef sandwiches and a bit of old cake? Good-bye, there is, and good-bye. And I was denied to say it. And I am their Mama.” “Good letters from them both,” my father said. “And from Blodwen it was lovely, indeed. A joy to read it.” “You shall have your joy and welcome,” my mother said. “You are easy to be satisfied. A bit of old paper with pen and ink, and no matter if all your boys go down the Hill and off. Did I go to bed, and come from there with paper and ink, then?” “Hisht, girl,” my father said, and coming to be red. “Have quiet, now, is it?” “The day will come when you shall always find me quiet,” my mother said. “I hope you will have proper goodbye, indeed.”

bye, indeed.” “O, Beth,” my father said, and going to her. “There is a nasty thing to say to me. It will come easier for you when Angharad comes home. Let it be quick.” Yes, let it be quick. Then, let the memory be quick to go.

Chapter Thirty-One
S HE WAS CHANGED beyond the knowing, our Angharad. But I knew how she had been only when I saw her as she was. She was at Tyn-y-Coed, as mistress there, but never coming up to us. Never. The trap came over for my mother one Monday morning, and the groom gave her a letter. She read it, and gave it to my father for him to read while she went up to dress, dry in the eyes, but sharp in her movements as though to live at all was a test of patience. Bron came in to do the house and cook for us, and when my mother had gone, my father took his bucket up the mountain, and Bron clicked her tongue. “Trouble, trouble,” she said. “Poor Angharad.” “Why should Mama go over all that way?” I said. “Is Angharad tired in the legs?” “Not a word against Angharad will I stand to hear,” Bron said, and down went the kettle to spurt spitting steam on the oven top. “A good sweet girl and no pleasure in life.” “She is living in Tyn-y-Coed,” I said. “She should have been living in Gorphwysfa these years,” Bron said, and I went quiet in surprise, for she had never been so direct before. Gorphwysfa was the little house with the sea-shell porch. “I wonder does Mr. Gruffydd know she is back?” I asked her. “He will know soon enough,” she said. “There are tongues in plenty to tell him.” We were on afternoon shift that week, so there was no chance for me to go over to see Angharad, though my mother brought me back a set of pens and a book by Mr. Dickens, with her kind love. There is a lovely book it was, too, called Martin Chuzzlewit . I will have Mr. Dickens in with the others led by Dr. Johnson. I had his Mr. Pickwick later on. Eh, there is funny. I had my mother in fits, downstairs here, telling her about Snodgrass, and that other fool, old Winkle. And that fat old lump of a boy in the wheel-barrow, and Sam Weller with his v’s for w’s. But when I went to Tyn-y-Coed, the first day I had a chance, I was so stricken with the look of Angharad that I could barely speak with sense. White was in her hair, plain, even in the shadow of the room. A starvation of light in her eyes. A deadness, that not even her smile took the cross from. A withering of the low notes in her voice, so that her laugh was thin alto where before it had been rich contralto and a joyul sound to hear. A fretting of the fingers, she had, and the coming and going of an untidy little frown between her eyes, that made three ragged little lines there, like the crippled foot of a crow, so strange to her, for she had once been so still, so sure, so much at peace, yet all the time so quick with life. “Well, Huw,” she said, when I kissed her cheek. “Well,” I said. And we looked. Her hair was done all round her head, very pretty, with a small hat with flowers of blue. A blouse with pleats down the front of silk the colour of the yellow wallflower, and a long skirt darker, with a wide belt of blue the same as her hat, with a big oval silver buckle. And a little watch with a gold bow up by her heart, and one ring. A wedding ring. This girl used to wash pots in our back, and scrub the kitchen floor, and tickle my father’s neck for pennies and run down the Hill like a boy. This girl. This woman. Angharad. “I look ill and I should take care of myself,” she said. “Everybody coming in the house says so. So you say it, and I will rest quiet again.” “It is inside you,” I said. And we looked again. “There is big you have grown, Huw,” she said, with a move of the mouth and a look through the window, in a voice that had weights upon it. “You have been away long,” I said. “Do you remember when you used to give me a few little sweets to go to Sunday School?” “Huw, my little one,” she said, and tears were pink and shining. “And I used to have them back from you in class. Yes, I remember. There is shame.” “Not shame,” I said. “You liked a couple of sweets.” Now she was crying, but no move of her face. Just only crying. She put an arm about my shoulders, but she was looking through the window and her body was stiff, straight, no bending, no breaking, as though she shared a tiredness with me, as a traveller leans against a milestone that takes a little more from a long road. Then she shook her head and shut her eyes tight, and wiped them as though they were in the head of an enemy. “A fool I am,” she said. “Sit, Huw, and have to eat.”

” Angharad said.” he said. and stood quickly.” Angharad said. with a good carpet made by Old Mrs. she is.” “O. now all in place. Nicholas. and have a few.” Angharad said. “am I disturbing?” “Come you in. and not a turn of the hand from me. and a good smile. or I will have them from you.” What use to go on. and gave it a pull to set bells ringing in the forests of Russia. Gruffydd I went.” I said.” he said. with steady hands.” she said. sixty times every day she will tell you. that one. I . Mrs. The house is beautiful.” I said. that to crack a biscuit between the teeth. Evans. and no strain. Mrs. “How is he. She was waiting for me to say it for her.” She got up and stood with a hand on the mantelpiece.” said Mrs. He closed the book. sharp. “Go from here. in her fat voice. Huw. but her eyes were terrible. without feeling. is it? Of course. Rhys Howell is in a solicitor’s office in Town and sending home ten shillings a week. “Angharad is at Tyn-y-Coed.” Quiet. “And Mr. firm and sure. and bending to put my plate on the floor not to see her face. all the same size and weight. Eunice is at home. and points were in them.” “Come over to the house. but different. quick.” she said. Gruffydd. “Mr. too. “Leave it. my little one.” I said. Nicholas. Up all hours. and a cushion.” she said.” He put his hands flat on the table.” “I shall never come to the house. I will pour. terrible.” I said. and something new in the voice. too. So quiet that you might even think you could hear the flowers having their little drops to drink.” And Enid got a knock with the keys over the back of the hand and sucked it.” I said. for a change. but even better. and looked across the top of my head at the window. with still the smile about her nose. “Is he ill?” “Inside. “You are a preacher. “Not so handy with those keys. and while it was quiet. and fatness. and up at the farm. Huw. and starting to hum at the door. “You shall hear plenty. again. But I knew from the look of her. “Come unto me all ye that are weary. Huw.” “A bitch.She went across the room to the bell like the old Angharad. and a smile. “And he can still be heard from one end of the Valley to the other. “I could never do it with a good heart. that it was no use to ask why.” said Angharad.” And out she went. “Sickness of heart. you are coming from that old pit.” I said.” I said. Evans. “I can do nothing. like Blodwen.” So much like my mother that I laughed out loud. Like you. and made a little knee.” I said. “you will pour.” “O. and we laughed. “there is lovely to hear a laugh. Nicholas said. “a new mistress is like new sheets. slow.” I said. “That will do. Tegwen Beynon is married to Merddyn Jones’ son. “A bit of sense. and she wanted a drink of water. and while he stood with the knuckles of his fists together. “Pedigree. “What is the matter with him?” she said. and his hands left greyness on the shine of the table top. I have always had the pouring to do for other ladies.” she said. Huw?” she asked me. “How are all the boys and girls we used to know?” she asked me. “I am sour to be near her.” I said. Mrs. too. “Now then. “Eh. Owen got him there. and on purpose. “A bitch. So quiet. “No. when she was asking no questions. and Eiluned has gone to London. and sideways with the eyes.” he said.” I said. “Eunice and Eiluned Jenkins are married. “Now then. in the little house with the sea-shell porch. it is. or smelling salts. Thumbs off the plates.” I said. Then Mrs. Nothing was in her face. Enid. A wasting of time. Maldwyn Hughes has gone to be a doctor. would seem as bad as making a noise in Chapel. “Has she had a doctor?” he asked me. “Tea. and found him reading in the room where we so often had shared tea. and blackness. “A bitch. Nicholas came in with the tray and the girl behind her with another tray.” she said. an opening of the mouth with one word after another on a string. Huw. “Good. in her roundness.” “Send her away. Nicholas. and a smile about the nose. Madog Powys is in the tinplate works over the mountain.” “Yes. “In his eyes and voice. “She has been with the Evans family for forty-seven years. “Not as he was. and I knew from the way she said it. but washings to come. Then there was quiet again. and very kind with a cup of tea. terrible. But I saw her hand.” Angharad said. Gruffydd is still first up and last to bed. But I could scream when she comes anywhere near me.” I said. And I went. Straight to Mr.” Mrs. sir. “Yes. Her eyes came big. yes? Little bit stiff. is it?” “Thank you. Evans. to keep a dairy.” he said. And I will pour. As though her lips were dry. And she has done nothing to deserve it. Gethin and her daughter up at the farm by the waterfall on top of the mountain. The furniture was a pleasure to see. that the question she wanted to ask was screaming itself red inside her. girl. “She is with sickness. and the voice.

went. It was weeks after that when my mother told me that Angharad wanted to see me. I had told my mother what had happened, every word, and she had said not a word. Not even a click of the tongue. But I had special little bits for tea for long after. I found her in the kitchen garden having beans from the scarlet runners. Long green walls of them, there were, and Angharad in white among them. “Well,” I said, behind her. She gave me half a look over her shoulder, with her hands busy with the beans over her head, and letting them drop into the basket without looking. “Well,” she said, “there is a stranger you are.” Gentle, with smiles, and her voice a bit lost among the leaves, and a good colour, from pulling at the beans with her arms up. There was a wall between us, of a stickiness, not to be seen, with steps on both sides, but neither of us able to move our legs. Kind strangers, we were. “Yes,” I said, “will I help you?” “I am finished,” she said. “Let us go in the house.” Down by the currant bushes she stopped to see if fly was in them, but when she had looked at a couple of leaves she stood straight again. “I am sorry I was nasty to you, Huw,” she said, with quickness, and some shake in the voice, and looking at the bush. “Not nasty,” I said, and without comfort, and wanting to run. “Nasty,” she said, with more of strength, and quieter, as though she felt, with me, the size of my hands, and my shame for them. They were everywhere but right. “I could have killed myself when you had gone. Nasty I have been, to a lot of people, and no fault of theirs. I was sorry, Huw, and I am sorry now.” “It is nothing, girl,” I said, and more uncomfortable, and redder than she was coming to be. There is a fool you feel when somebody is saying they are sorry for doing something to you. It is worse than if you had done something yourself. So you are having the worst of it twice, start and finish. “Shall we kiss?” she asked me, and pulling her hat down with both hands, shy as a wren, and very gentle. “Yes,” I said, and kissed her chin, but she kissed me solid. Then she blew out her breath with fat cheeks. “Well, dammo,” she said. “It is out, at last, then.” “What, now?” I asked her. “Saying I was sorry,” she said, and with a laugh. “Practising for weeks I have been, boy. And nothing I said, I was going to say.” “No need for it,” I said. “Yes,” she said, “there was. Come you, let us have a chase round the garden, is it? Last one to the greenhouse has got bugs.” Off we went, and me keeping just behind her, and she with her skirts bunched in her hands, running as though glory to come was down there, and laughing up into the sky, and stopping at last because her hat was coming off, and the hat-pins pulling her plaits loose. “O,” she was laughing, and swallowing air, and holding her chest, and pulling out hat-pins and hair-pins. “There is good, Huw.” “Yes,” I said. “Good, indeed.” She looked down at the pins in her hands, and the wind blew about her hair, and she was quiet. The smells of the garden were rising warm about us, of turned earth down by the strawberry beds, and the songs of the currant bushes, and a good fatness of syrup from the apple trees, with bitter freshness of dahlias flowing on the top. And the wind happy to carry it on his head with a little whistle, like a butcher boy with a good big baron for somebody. She looked at me, looked down again, turned the hat-pins, looked down the path and watched a little blue butterfly, down at the pins, up at me, down again. Up and down, again. Up and down. Up. “Thank you, Huw,” she said, and looking from one eye to the other. “It was nothing,” I said. Down at the pins again. “No,” she said, and tears ready. “It was nothing. O, Huw. You were the only one. Nobody else cared. You told him.” And crying to break the heart in bits. Coming to stand softly against me and lean, and shake, and the hat-pins sticking in me, and a bumble bee having a good look at both of us. “Come on, girl,” I said. “Nothing to cry for, is it? All over, now.” “First cry,” she said. “Never before. That is why. All over. Thank God.” And off again, worse than ever. But not in pain. A scent from her, from a bottle, that went deep. “Finish, now then,” I said, “is it?” So up with a good breath, and a smile coming, and a good blow on my handkerchief. “Eh, dear,” she said. “I am like an old baby.” “I expect there will be a new one in the house when I go back,” I said. “Poor Bron,” she said. “Let us pick fruit for her.” So back over the mountain I went with a couple of bushel baskets full of blessings from the bushes and trees, and when I was home, I was an uncle again. A boy, Taliesin, they called him.

Ivor was so proud that night. And dead within the month. We were on night shift and going up to our stall, and I had stopped to have a better grip of the pick. I heard a crack, as though stone had been struck. Ivor called in the darkness, but I never heard what he said. The roof fell on top of him. And I was standing there looking up into a black storm. Helpless, as the rock fell, and splintered, and dust flew to blind and strangle. Nothing to do but go back, hearing quietness coming quietly among the falls of echoes. “Are you right, Morgan?” Rhys was shouting, with a candle in front of his face, and his hand round it. “My brother is under the rock,” I said. “Blood of Christ, boy,” he said, “have your head sewn, quick. Picks up, and stop work.” And men passed me one to another till I was out, and they were pressing forward, with picks hitting at the rock, and lumps being passed from hand to hand, as I had been. They found him, but he came up in his coffin, screwed down ready. Bron sat in the corner chair for days, still, looking through the doorway, no tears, no frown, nothing of fear. Just sitting quietly and looking.

Chapter Thirty-Two
“GIVE ONE,” my father said, while he was nursing Taliesin, “and take the other. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.” “Go in to that girl in by there,” my mother said, “and say it to her. She will have an answer for you. Or perhaps I will save you trouble.” “Hisht now, Beth,” my father said. “Kindle not the wrath.” “To hell with the wrath,” my mother said. “And I said it plain to be heard.” Mr. Gruffydd used to come up and sit with her, and sometimes take her to Tyn-y-Coed for the afternoon. But it was long before we began to see the old Bron we had known. I went back underground with Davy, in his colliery, a little farther away than my father’s, only a few days after Ivor had gone. Then Davy went to London about the Union, and I went in the blacksmith’s shop as a helper. One day I came back in the afternoon with a bit of a burn and my mother went down to borrow linseed oil from Bron, and came back with her. “This old boy of mine is always cutting and burning,” my mother said. “A good old boy, he is, fair play,” Bron said, and pouring oil. “Soft words swell the head,” my mother said. “I am sorry in the heart that I spoke for you to go down the colliery, my little one. Sorry in the heart.” “Why, Mama?” I asked her. “Only small, these are. Other men have them, and no notice.” “Other men are other men,” said my mother. “But my boys are my boys. A good glass of buttermilk, now then, is it?” “Yes, please, Mama,” I said. “And a bit of Bron’s shortcake.” “O,” said my mother, with her mouth like a little buttonhole, “so your Mama’s shortcake is to be given to the hens, is it?” “No, Mama,” I said, “shortcake day is to-morrow with us, but to-day with Bron.” “Only bread I made to-day,” Bron said, with a smile that was only stretching the mouth. “Nobody to eat it, only Gareth and me, and we would rather have currant bread.” Silence came to burst among us. We were like rock, not moving. And Ivor was large about the place, putting his boots on, and telling my mother how flat the tenors were singing in the second choir, and humming a bit to show her. And my mother standing, holding her chest with her hands that were all of bone, and looking sideways through the window, and her eye, that I could see, shining. Bron went to the door and leaned against the jamb, with a hand flat upon the wall inside. “O, Mama, my little one,” she said, in a voice that should have been eased with many tears, “I am lonely without him. I put his boots and clothes ready every night. But they are there, still, in the morning. O, Mama, there is lonely I am.” My mother stood for minutes after Bron had gone. “Huw,” she said, “I will have Bron to live here, if she will come.” “She will never come, Mama,” I said. “One mistress in a house.” “Then you shall go down there and live, then,” my mother said, and sharp to move and off with her apron. “I will go down now, and find out if she will have you. She have got to cook and mend for somebody, and give comfort for somebody. So till the proper time have gone, and she do find another husband, you will do.” “Another husband, Mama?” I asked her, and O God, the world was flying to pieces and black with a new hate that came to drop heavy about me like a fall of rock. A new kind of hatred, I felt. A jealousy, and an envy, and a refusal in blood to see another man beside Bronwen. A newness of vision I found, that made me deny another man to have life in the world of moons beside Bronwen. Clean house, cook, sew, darn, all those things that women do in their daily lives for men, all those things, she might do for another man. But give him passage to the mightiness of song, and the strange poetries, and the noise of harp and timbrel, and a place in golden skies with the spinning of many moons, no. The anointment at the well, the immersion in the living, richer Jordan, the warmer baptism, the glory of enunciation, no. No. And a hatred came to be red inside me, to keep the no, no. I was the sentinel, the vigilant. And yet I had no wish to be with Bron as I had been with Ceinwen. With Bron was her own world that she had kept for Ivor, and I was the stranger at the gates, and no desire in me to enter in. Then I knew, and felt, the loneliness of Bron. For I was lonely for the world of Ceinwen, the world that was mine and hers, that we had found together. That Garden of Worlds, where stood an Angel with flaming sword to see that we had only a momentary moment of its beauty, and sent us forth again, with shaking breaths and blind eyes and weakness in the limbs to live in desolation jewelled sharp with the memory. “Another husband,” my mother said. “Yes, boy. She is young. No wages going in the house. She has got years of beauty yet. And too proud to ask help. Of course, another husband. Quick, too.” “I will go and see her,” I said. I went down to her, and found her sitting in the corner chair, still looking through the door.

of food. From each side of that line we lived. Back to fetch my clothes. If you put clothes night and morning. A fear of the touch. but kind. and then the bedstead. and went. eyes. you try to pretend you are in a dream. “Not pity. or deep. And only because we knew of another world. it was. and she looked at me with the smile that was not a smile. “Good-bye. “Trouble.” my mother said.” she said. and the darkness so early in the evenings. then.” I said. “Well. and spoke. . Our talk was empty. If we came near each other we were like hedgehogs with spines to keep away. that the best part of it was on each side of the line. and put my back to it. “Your home is with Mama. “I will come plenty of times. “Yes. “You are a cook of cooks. looking round the kitchen to see if things to say were hiding behind the teapot. We were afraid only in the spirit and delicacy of being afraid. Strange it is that you will live from day to day for months and months. then.” I said. is it?” “Yes. or body. that was empty.” I said. and gone in only a momentary moment. who said it first. Quiet. For there was light behind her eyes. “And supper every night.” “It will make trouble in the family. Not as strangers. “would you have me in the house to live?” She looked up as though I had been speaking another language. to take them up to the little room like this one in Bron’s house. that is all.” I said. with terror. But we knew it. and starting the chair to rock. and the colour of Taliesin’s cheeks. “Mama. with Bronwen. though we never showed it. “Well. and back again to give good-bye to my mother.” “I am not a cook like Mama. you. that it was not wide. and smiled.” I said. or high enough.” she said with quiet. that could be reached in a moment. I will feel shamed to have been forward. Then a little thing happens and you watch it grow about you. one to cut coal in a crawling of dust.“Bron. out of that glory. “If you say no. and nothing to happen except getting up and working and going to bed. Downstairs.” she said.” I said. and why we never looked at each other. for we knew each other too well. and if things to say were hiding.” I said. “Sense. But we know why we were talking emptily.” Quiet. In these months I knew why Eve took leaves. or the copper pots on the mantelpiece. as though giving excuses to herself. Our laughing was false with a falseness that only we could hear. She looked through the doorway again.” I said. those first few months were. and Mama will think I am not good enough for you. and felt for a moment.” I said. and with nothing of fright. the other to stand at a sink and scar her wrists with scum from greasy dishes. We were gently afraid of each other. “but Mama has years of cooking more than you.” she said. I went over the tiles with my boots sighing in the sand. whether from speech. “I will get my bed. then. and slid it through the window. “Right. now. and kissed her. Mama. “Off again. but now her hands were putting tucks in her apron. let them be my clothes. We knew when we laughed that we were not having all the laugh.” she said. with calm. though without fear. dry. “My home is wherever I am.” she said.” she said. “From pity. We knew when we talked together that we were not talking with all of us. kept back. or behind the plates on the dresser. going weak in the voice.” So up to this room I came. “Good. they were careful not to be seen. “Yes or no?” I asked her.” I said. of the same nature of afraidness that blood horses feel when a hand is placed upon them. and to take the burden a little from you.” she said. yes.” Bronwen said. and I realised the magnitude of the curse that sent them from the Garden to work by the sweat of the brow. and why they hid from one another. Mama. and shut the door with a swing. “Your Mama will be bruised in the heart. and rolled up the mattress I am sitting on now. “Good-bye. There was a line drawn between us that was plain as though put there fresh with chalk every day. The air between us was hot with a hotness that only the two of us could feel.” I said.” I said. “And have my wages. Mama. but only that bit of us that others would see and know as Bronwen and Huw Morgan. and they shake under the skin from tail to muzzle.

” “Right you. What would happen. and every week more and more voices shouting for action against the owners. more money. that paid rent above. were blaming the younger men for the difference. next. and his dinner. closing the collieries against outside labour. and fit only for burning. anyway. Ianto.” “Who is to own all this?” my father asked him. Then a fleet of coalers of our own to take it out to the world. and coming back at night to work by the lamp. my little one.” “Good. all over the valleys. like my father. “No royalties. God made the earth for Man. “Only the people. and had a job labouring in the furnaces. That will be a start. but against the Government. The forge was near to the market hall. and looking at the end of his slipper.” “Is the Union too poor to pay you whole time?” my father asked him. ready to be hit in any shape you please. “You will never work in the collieries again while you live.” Ianto said. In wood.” my father said. I was still with the blacksmith. You will have it hard. but no.” So over to the ironworks he went. They wanted to stop the royalties paid to landlords. in my working clothes and black from the pit and feeling shamed to be walking among the people in case I spoilt their good clothes. indeed. ready to be beaten again. back on the fire with it. and blunted tools. all had their champions. Will you have it said of me that I skulked into a job I made for myself?” “But Ianto. my son. I was over there one market day. you must work with care. I went often to Town to fetch iron in strips from the forge there. or with the voice. One slip of your chisel in carelessness or ignorance. indeed. and is not at the mercy of triflers. A pump on the bellows. “but not me.” Ianto said. Hard.” Night after night. and here it is again. not for action against the owners. “The people. and love. you shall beat and beat. one shave too many with your plane. Pity. in the afternoon. every scuttle full. For wood has soul and spirit. for it had no will of its own. “is from the heart. free. But the Bible and God are not in the business of the pit. and more work with the pen. even though they were skilled men. “It is only when men forget to fight for right that they fail. “There seems to be truth in what you say. But out to the world only when every fire-place in the country has got a splendid fire. And they clung to the sliding scale because it was at least a living. “But Man makes the money. and blind to argument. who had earned a handful of sovereigns for a week’s work. I found little joy in working with iron. “They will charge royalty on the air above it. Every week new members by the hundred. “God made the coal. and I was able to see the Union having strength as from the flow of my pen.” Ianto said.” Ianto said. and out comes your iron like a slave. Shorter working hours. when we were low in stock. he said.” said Ianto. indeed. and with steady pulling on his pipe. my son?” my father asked him. there were no places for them. and your work is ruined. “somebody has got to do the job and be paid for it.” Ianto said.” “Good. not for some of the men. I wonder?” “It is beyond me. poor spiritless stuff. Men wanted to drop tools there and then. but doing jobs underground for most of the time. and sending reports down to our branch. still steady with the pipe. and knocked out a full pipe in his worry. and our own trucks and engines. especially those paid on every ton coming from under pastureland. and railway staff. Ianto had been speaking night after night for weeks. and held up on a job. like the spitting of a toad to answer you. Mr. on trams that broke down. ballots for places where the seam was richest. and four miles back.” my father said. I did most of the letter writing. and only an angriness of sparks. Four miles there. For weeks the three of them went about the pits to have work. with a flame.” Ianto said. Older men. and trot their . and respect. and every cellar loaded. with not much to show except knowledge of what was going on in the Unions up there. A bath. “I will go over to the ironworks tomorrow. there. so that the farmers could pull up in the square to unload. and a royalty below only because the main heading ran under it. Only ledgers and Mammon. if God put His hand down through the clouds and gave us all a bill for the riches He made for us and gave to us. and a rental to the railway companies for the use of their tracks all over the country. But with iron. all three of them Union workers. a leaning on the bellows.” my father said.” “Where will you have the money to buy it. in quiet. and if you make a mistake. and pale. none. “What I do for the Union.Chapter Thirty-Three DAVY was a long time in London. Gruffydd was with him. but Ianto kept them in. There are plenty to fight for wrong. Then Ianto was discharged from the colliery with Will Thomas and Mostyn Marudydd. We will finish with the sliding scale first. and all ready to fight. He wanted no hungry children on his conscience. Dada. men met in hundreds to argue about the sliding scale. a heat blown pale. and a twelve-hour day in between. and on all the little jobs that heat and a hammer will mend. “They have sharpened their knives for you.

“bleeding for his country. in whispers. Davies. my little one?” the farmer’s wife asked her. “What.” “It will never surprise me to see the poor master rise up white from his grave one of these days. and his wife coming closer. “But only to be expected. and the suffering of eternity in her voice.” “No matter.” the farmer said. their mouths and eyes became round with smiling horror. and picking the fingers of her gloves. Mrs. O. whether to kick or not. with her eyes shut as though her life were going from her. then.” “With a preacher. of course. “Old Evans kept them away. and sharp to the nose with the frying of hoof as the new blue shoe was fitted. she is. with her off hind stretched and held between the knees of the smith. Nicholas said. as though she saw Old Evans lying there in his winding sheet. and a look at the floor.” “Wait you. Nicholas had done was to save them all from the gallows.” the farmer said. Mrs. and looked at his wife. Empty. Davies. poor little Master Iestyn. Ach y fi. Evans is.” said Mrs.” she said.” Mrs. “Who?” Mrs. Davies said. Mr. if you please. Nicholas as though she held their hopes at the Bar. and turned into rock. see. and eyes gone dull to think of a word. and they pulled a mouth at each other. boy. my little one.” “Are you having much work at Tyn-y-Coed. Nicholas. and I told her. from morning till night. using best china and lace tea cloths every day of the week. for I was black. “Eh. To Bronwen I went. you. But instead. “Not the word. you know. and inside the forge.” said Mrs.horses over to be shod where they could keep an eye out for customers who might be waiting at their stalls to buy. Davies said. young Mrs. with stiffness.” “Gracious goodness.” “Entertaining. Gracious God in Heaven. nothing in me. “and how do I know he goes from the house at night?” The three of them looked at one another.” Mr. and as she spoke. as though a fireball was to be expected then and there. the fall of files on stone. now. and the grunting of bellows. A collier’s daughter. and fat from duty done. and holding up her finger to make the sign of writing with a pen. Nicholas said. Nicholas said. So the forge was always a busy place.” “Good God. full of laughing and voices. job forgotten. then? I am in bed. with odd. “Nobody else. from the chest. Fancy me. Nicholas?” Mrs. and found her wiping Taliesin after his bath. Nicholas. Nicholas said. with his hair in crawls with him. “thou good and faithful servant. but only sickness to touch the fat wrinkles of her neck. indeed.” said Mrs. dear. then?” Mr. Nicholas. Nicholas. “And her poor boy of a husband out in Cape Town.” Mrs. I hope. impatient breath of iron drowned in the cooling tank. my little one?” Mrs.” said Mrs. and forty-seven years.” Mrs.” the farmer’s wife said. “New shoes again. with my candle out. indeed. the bay mare. Davies said. come the other. Out all day. with his eyebrows up. Nicholas. I will swear.” Mrs. “Who is he. Mrs. “In His keeping.” “Well. without even a word to Mrs. “there is early you are. and a pinkness of the face to be from there and meet others. “Work never stopping. and living to curse the day. feeling nothing. and holding Taliesin close to her and lifting her head. you are. and the silver count of hammers beating out the strokes for sweating sledge-hammer men and the stamping of horses. Davies. but reward to come. Mrs. is it?” “Terrible. as though there was no argument. “Well. Nicholas. Yet. but took no notice of me. and her eyes up. filled at the back with baskets. and her face was white as the towel when I finished. Davies asked her. to a farmer and his wife from the next valley. I could have killed her with no thought of to-morrow. “Eh. my little one. indeed.” said Mr. through a closed mouth. now I suppose?” the farmer said. “What is going on in the house. “only wait. I hope. Nicholas. I was looking at her and laughing to see the look in her eyes. and a handkerchief coming to help with the tears. “Who is in the house every night till all hours? Who. Nicholas. “Suffering you are. now then?” “The only ones in the Five Valleys. What good are they having for it?” “What are we to do?” I asked her. Nicholas said.” “Yes. and she bent to them and whispered. “what for. “Tell Angharad.” Mr. in grief. “Yes. blind and dumb.” Mrs. Mr. . Davies said. only you.” I said. and the hot whispers of fires. with her hands up. and a shaking of the head. and closing her eyes. “only the housekeeper I am. “What. “there is terrible it is. No bath is ready for you yet or anything. A slut from a coal mine fouling his home. Nicholas looked about. And outside. and him thousands of miles away. a dull knocking of nails in hoofs. Nicholas.” Mrs. Mrs.” I had to go from there then. Davies.” Mrs. well. and devils danced about them. with a preacher every day. Nicholas said. my little one. and with sternness. now then?” “Not for me to say. now then?” “What for?” Mrs. Davies. dear. Nicholas said.” “Ach y fi. Mrs. are you asking? Who. and I saw spit from her speech bright in the air. whatever it is. is it?” “O. my little one. and taking out his pipe. in the family. “I do hope from my soul that the tongues of people will be slower to hurt when my sons are grown to men.” said Mrs. “Come one. A ride in the trap. the little blue trap from Tyn-y-Coed. in whispers. with the smile carved about her nose. with tiredness.” she said. “Only the gravestone is keeping him down there now. on market day. in Chapel voice. Nicholas was saying. Davies in a voice that the least Mrs. and both leaning forward.” she said. when I heard a voice I knew well. “O. I had the sense to go. and looked again at Mrs.” “Well done. Mrs. And that is only a bit of it. Are you standing there in your good little clothes and saying to my face you are knowing nothing about it?” “No. I went. “Poor.” said the farmer. and a straightening of the back.

“Now then. Well?” “Is it right. me. but I thought no matter as long as nothing was said.” I said. and tried to think of some punishment fit for me. and waking Taliesin. see.” I said.” she said. sir?” I asked him.” I said. with straightness. Bron. and round the back of the little house with the sea-shell porch. “For what?” he asked me.” I said. in thought. So off I went. and plenty of sourness. boy.” he said.” “But.” I said. that only a little problem of your own will take your mind far from a tragedy belonging to others. and his slippers pigeon-toed by the chair. “Is it business of mine? Are you questioning it?” “No. and with something of tears. Gruffydd going over there till all hours?” “Do I know?” she asked me. then. with his back to me and his hands fast in the collar of his coat. there is a nasty bump you have had.” I said.” While I was having dinner. and I knew a shame that had the edge of a razor cutting deep into me with a hurt that made me want to scream. “O.” “To Tyn-y-Coed you are going. “Yes. But the smile kept coming back and spoiling it. and I knew from the bend of his back that he was ready against attack. “Mr. boy?” “No.” she said.” I said. And she laughed about it.” She held Taliesin up and kissed him so that her mouth made a lovely roundness in his fat little cheeks and he laughed just like a hen. Then some dinner. So I smiled. There is strange. and scraped the skin off. down the hill at a trot. now.” Bron said. and feeling worse than ever. and cold.” “Say it out. and smiled at me with her teeth and her eyes in slits with shine in them. “I knew you knew. Huw?” he asked me. I had forgotten Angharad and Mr. with his breath coming backwards.” “That is not the point. with his hat and coat and some books ready on the table. “Better to come from us. and his face fresh and a bit pale from a wash. and some of the shame. Gruffydd before you see Mama. then?” I asked her. as though I had fallen with my brains on a gravel path. Huw.” “Is it true. “That is what I have come for. Gruffydd is something beyond me. “Well. and smiling. quick from the kiss.” “And a man. “There is a funny old boy you are. and we will talk again. and stopping to tie Taliesin’s napkin. “See Mr. or anybody else on earth. “But I thought it was all lies. “How have you been looking at me these months?” she asked me. “will you go to Mr. Huw. you. Gruffydd said. every word. “he is a preacher. “If that woman have written to Iestyn he will be writing soon or perhaps coming home. Gruffydd?” “You go to Angharad. and came closer and smoothed back my hair. I called myself low names and whipped myself raw.” “You are talking nonsense. with gentleness. “She is another man’s wife. thinking about Bronwen and me. now. sir. I thought shame to have been such an animal.” “Good-bye. “and Angharad is a woman. shamed and angry. made me think of Bronwen’s errand.” Bron said. Gruffydd. Bron knew. and the razor doing beautiful work inside me. and Bron laughed again.” she said. and only Gareth crying upstairs. “There is shamed I am. and for some reason feeling an anger. I sat there till the light had gone. But the smile kept coming back and spoiling it.” She laughed out loud. and sore in a place I could feel but could not touch. and we looked at each other. Only standing in the candlelight. Did you think I was blind. “I have got something to tell you.” I said. Good-bye.” I said. “Go you and bathe.” “Right you. “Just say.” I said. So I told him. “If I have my eyes on that black bitch I will strangle her. but nobody could see her eyes like that and keep trouble inside them. to remember her voice when she asked me how I had been looking at her. “to give you extra trouble in the mind. and lost inside me. “We will talk more when I come back. with quietness. with still the soreness. Gruffydd while I go to Angharad? Or will I go to Mr. “I am late now. That would be worse for her.” she said. “Is Mr.” Mr.” Bron said.” Bron said. Gruffydd. and pushed breath from her nose with a sound of impatience. and quietly shut the door. “Shamed?” she said. and worse still. and a lovely laugh had Bron. “or she will see by your face that something is sour with you and have it out of you. so when she was ready I had finished. and a kiss for Taliesin again. “their business is their business. Not a move from him all the time. Then it is for him.” she said. Bron?” I asked her. to show that I was feeling serious. “of being a man? Or being found out?” “No. and I tried to keep from smiling at her. Bron was upstairs changing into her best. But how shall I tell Mr. and still with his back to me. and turned his back to put on his coat.” I said. . is it?” “Yes. Nothing to do with us. Bron. and just pulling down his cuffs.” I said. deep and from the chest. and so brought me to think of mine.” “Will it wait. too. “Good-bye. I looked down at my hands and saw the veins swollen in the blackness of grime. I was coming to be in a sweat of anger with myself for being such a fool as to tell Bronwen that I had thought all would be well if nothing was said.“It will kill her.

“Is he any less a man? Has he fewer rights?” “But with another man’s wife.” I said. “No. and angry. my little one. Nicholas. no flowers. and I found pain alive in me to walk up the hill.” I said. he only said you cannot stop people from talking and thinking. and glad to make it an excuse to pull out my handkerchief to have a good wipe to have time to think. and ready to break the house to pieces in temper. Huw. “I will think about it. “Surely it is wrong. Gruffydd has been doing. to the streets. I was. Four new slag heaps had been started.” Bron said. and wiping the tears.” I said. and mouths like pots. man. “Then?” she asked me. Bron?” “Why?” Bron asked. that I had climbed not long before. Strangle her. “It is none of my business. In fits and helpless.“O. and the knife half-way through the loaf. “there is nasty you are.” I said.” I said. “Up still?” I said. and the kettle jumping on the hob. The river had been built on all the way down to the path that led up to the Chapel. and the front doors opened straight on to the street. Huw?” “Yes. or worry for even a moment?” I asked her. and still standing with his back to the door when I passed the window. so that the slag dropped on to the green pasture and found a level down among the trees. I had thought to clear my head. “I will go.” I said. and my heart was lifted to see it. with not a brick difference.” he said. Did you see Mr.” she said. you wanted. And a fine one to talk. on both sides.” “Good night. now. Think of it .” You should have heard Bron laughing. and still without feeling in his voice. sir. with smile in her voice. sir. eh. Gruffydd knew nothing?” she said. too.” I said. “I would only like to hear them. A big beech. “nor shall you stop them thinking. and trying to smile. “They have done harm to nobody. and a good smell of onion soup to kiss the nose. before long. “Let them talk.” I said. but too weak to hold the knife. and the sound of them all. And all of them jammed tight together. Iestyn Evans. The new streets were much narrower than ours. The village was still when I went back home after a walk along the river.” “Why am I silly?” I asked her. with not an inch of air between them. “Shall I say? Because your mind is like those beauties down by there. “at last then. then.” he said. now reached out of a smoking heap like the hand of a spirit entombed.” Bron said. But he was quiet when I went from there. trying to cut bread. “O. “Was she angry?” I asked her. “and sleeping in the house. And faults are what you shall expect. so that the bilge spewed into the stream. “Have what there is to be had while there is time. and put a bowl of soup in front of me. “She knew about it. A fine brother you are.” “Angharad is off back to London. and even to the shape of the village. And think well about yourself before to talk of others. “what to do? Angharad must be protected. and the cat leaning his chin on his front paw and opening only one eye for me. what?” Bron said. but the walk made me feel worse than before.” “You shall do that only by strangling Mrs. well?” Bron said.” I said. with them. There was a light in the kitchen when I got back. no garden.” Mr. with their minds like a cess. I told you this afternoon about the way you looked at me. “But did she let Mr.” “Well. “Then what use to tell them. dear. “Leave me.” she said. They are products of a faulty environment. Bron was sitting in the chair. like a sickness. Even in the time I had been to work. No backyard. I am saying. and no sense?” Bron said. “With another man’s wife. “there is a silly old boy you are. with the smile that was not a smile. exactly the same as its neighbour. if he talks to her. and feeling wronged to the heart. and she has benefit from his company?” “No harm.” she said. Like sunlight coming to blind. sewing. Not a light anywhere. dear. but finding it hard to work against the soreness. and not even a blade of grass for a garden.” “What shall you do. “Yes. “so I stayed. no bit of green to bless you coming in or going out. as though I had told him that rain was starting.” I said. one after the other. “He is going to think about it. “Do you think Mr.” “She knew?” I said.” “But he is a preacher and she is Mrs. “You cannot stop people from talking. “Why is it wrong for Mr. certain as bricks. And every house in a street full of houses. Only asking why.” “Is Mr. Bron.” she said.” I said. “We were going to talk. “Because you are doing what Mr.” she said. Gruffydd go there and go there all this time and no word?” I asked her. and busy with plates.” she said. still with his back to me. in a voice to put ice to hang from the stove. “Next. and the walls of new engine sheds were built flush with the banks. and steam from the soup wetting my face. Nicholas. Like Mrs. sir?” I asked him. change had come to the river. Gruffydd to see Angharad?” “Well. “Eh.” “You shall stay. Gruffydd?” “Yes. “Has she been living all her life here. except at the pit. Bron.” I said. with their cable tips running to the top of the mountain. first train. Strangle yourself for a change. to hell. Gruffydd said.” “You shall.” he said. “Well. Would you like others to talk about you?” Well. Gruffydd to be treated any different from other men only because he is a preacher?” she asked me. either. with sharpness. “Nobody could say anything about me or you either. but not looking at her. “Harm to who.

feeling the weight of her eyes. and her smile warm in the room.” So I sat like a dog with hurts after a good kicking.a little more. but not looking at her and unwilling to smile back. and went to bed. and ask is it right before to ask questions of others. .

Chapter Thirty-Four
A NGHARAD went to London, and Ceridwen went to stay with her, with the children, for a time. My mother went up there for a month, and indeed, from the fuss you would think the south pole was only the next stop from where she was going. How quiet is the house when the mistress has gone. You walk in, and the same smell is a comfort to you, the air on your cheek has the same feel, the fire makes the same noise, the china plates on the dresser shelves laugh at you as they always did, and the clock is still as loud as he always was with his heels on the road of Time. But a warmness is missing, a briskness, that moved as soon as the latch was lifted, and those sounds that followed, the rattle of the teacaddy, the crunch of the lid, the chime of spoons in saucers, the poking of the fire, and the hot hurry of scalding water upon tea leaves, are gone, too. “Good God,” my father said, “nobody shall know how I miss your mother. Sweetness have gone from life, indeed. The first time to be without her for thirty-nine years. Eh, dear. I am lost without my good Beth.” So I often saw my father writing under the lamp, scratching his head to find something to write about, even telling her that the handle had come off the kettle, and about Gareth cutting a lump out of the door with my chisel, with pages about Taliesin, of course. There is strange to see a man quiet in his own world, and searching it for jewels to give his queen. I often wondered how my father saw his world, and wished I could be sitting inside him only for a minute, while he was writing to my mother. Her letters to him were on one page, and written big to fill up room. Without fail, she had to hurry to catch the post and remained his loving Elizabeth Morgan. And he always cried when he read them to us. I went back to work with only a good swearing from the smith, and a couple of weeks later I was sent underground again with a place of my own and a boy to work with me. Twelve years old, he was, and a good little boy, but a bit young for the job, so I had more work to do. He was filling the tram at the bottom of the holding one Saturday morning, and I was up at the face piling slag. I heard shouting down on the main, and I thought he might have been run over, so down I went bent double, sliding on coal all the way. Fighting, he was, with a bigger boy, and having a hiding, but fair play to him, standing up and giving some good ones when he had chance. “Come on,” I said, “working for me, you are.” “I am sorry, Huw,” he said, and dropped his hands, but the other one put a hard right into his ear that sent him flat. Well, well. One good smack on the side of his head sent him over a pile of coal. “Manners,” I said. “Lacking in your family, evidently.” “O,” said one of the men, who had been looking on, “since when has your family come so good, then?” “Please to keep shut your mouth about my family,” I said. “You keep family matters out of your talk, then,” Evan John said. “A lot to talk about, you have, with a sister whoring after every preacher in the district, and a married woman.” I broke two of his ribs with a right, I broke his nose with my left, and I left his face only when I felt his jaw smash under my fist. Then I went back to work. When I got out of the cage on the pit-top the assistant manager beckoned me. “The police want you,” he said. “Good,” I said. “Where?” “In the office,” he said. So I followed him into the office and a sergeant of police came from behind the door and tapped me on the shoulder. “Huw Morgan?” he said. “Yes,” I said. “Assault and battery,” he said. “Will I have a bath before you lock me up?” I asked him. “Not locking you up,” he said. “You will be summoned first.” “Shall I go?” I asked him. “Warning,” he said. “Keep in the house.” “You are discharged from the colliery, Morgan,” the manager said. “You Morgans have been a nuisance here for years.” Home I went, and bathed, and sat down to dinner. Bron put the plate in front of me, and then looked. I could see her blue dress and a bit of apron from the side of my eye.

“What did you do to the backs of your hands?” she asked me, as though a hand were over her mouth. “If he had been a single man,” I said, “I would have killed him. He spoke of Angharad.” “O, Huw,” she said, and sat beside me. “What, then?” “I am due for a summons from the police,” I said, “and I am put from work.” We were quiet together. Then she put a hand on my shoulder. “Eat your dinner,” she said. Only a little while after, there were footsteps in our back with no scraping of the heel, quick, clean, solid, belonging to somebody with a duty to be done and no time. “Mr. Gruffydd,” Bron said, and ran to put chairs straight, give the table cloth a smooth, and poke the fire. “Huw,” he said, and big and dark in the doorway, “you have had trouble.” “Yes, sir,” I said, and standing, for his face was white, with a redness in his eyes. “Over my name,” he said, “and your sister’s?” I said nothing. “I am shamed,” he said, tired, but with anger shaking him. “Shamed. It will be worse in the court-house.” “I think no matter of them or the court-house,” I said. “Mr. Elias will see to it that you do,” Mr. Gruffydd said. “Mr. Elias?” I said, and with surprise. “Mr. Abishai Elias pressed the charge through his son,” he said, “or there would have been no summons. Evan John’s father is his shopman.” “I will wait for it,” I said. “I am going away,” Mr. Gruffydd said, and sat down slowly. “I am going from the Valley. They dare not say anything to me, but I see it in their eyes. Some of them, anyway. I am wrong to stay here from stubbornness. I should have gone long ago.” With the weariness of a beaten man, and his eyes at the mat, and his hat turning in his fingers, and his hair falling down to cover his face, and his shoulders a curving width of wrinkled black. Bron, with her apron to her eyes. Me, cold. “I am sorry, sir,” I said. “I will see your good father,” he said. And he went, while I looked at the flames behind the bars of the fire, and thought of nothing, only the curving yellow sharpness of them, and the deep mourn of Bron’s tears beside me. “Well, Huw,” my father said, “what, then?” “I will go in carpentering,” I said. “What is happening to us?” he said, quietly, with thought. “It is terrible, with us. Ivor, Ianto, Davy, Angharad, you. What your poor mother will say, I will never tell you. Now, Mr. Gruffydd.” “Have you tried to keep him back, Dada?” I asked him. My father pointed his pipe up at the mountain. “Go you,” he said, “and push that one by there out of its place. To Patagonia he is going, and in Patagonia he will land one of these days. So make fast your mind.”

My mother came home while I was over the mountain buying wood. When I went in the house she was still in her bonnet sitting on the rocking-chair in Bron’s, and nursing Taliesin, with a towel over her black silk to save trouble. “Well,” she said, when I kissed her. “More, now then?” “Yes, Mama,” I said. “When is the summons?” she asked me, as though she was asking when was Wednesday. “Day after to-morrow,” I said. “Are you afraid?” she asked me, and looking at me straight. “No,” I said. “Good,” she said. “I brought back a London hat for you special.” “Thank you, Mama,” I said. “How is Angharad?” “Going to Cape Town,” she said, and lifted Taliesin to kiss him and keep the shake from her chin.

Chapter Thirty-Five
S O IN MY LONDON HAT, and best tweed, off I went to the court-house, with my father and Mr. Gruffydd on each side of me in Thomas the Carrier’s best trap, and people to watch us go all the way down the hill and through the village, without a smile or wave. All the way over the mountain, slag heaps were like the backs of buried animals rising as from the Pit. Living trees were buried in them, and in some, gorse was growing with its lamps alight, and grass was trying to be green wherever the wind would let it rest in peace. “Will there be any of the Valley left free of slag?” I said to my father. “It was never allowed in my young days,” my father said. “Laziness and bad workmanship, and cheapness, my son. But I am thinking more of you coming to be free. The slag is there, and nothing to be done about it.” “We have got a good solicitor for you, Huw,” Mr. Gruffydd said, “so there is plenty of chance for you.” “I am not worried,” I said, and strange, I was not. I had been feeling that strangeness in the belly as though a window was open down there, only to think of the court-house, and police, and a judge, and worst of all, of prison and bars. But Bron had given me my hat before I left, and stood by the door to kiss me good-bye. “Good-bye,” she said. We looked at one another, deep, deep we looked. And with suddenness I knew her loneliness, her grief, her wanting for Ivor, that she never showed by word or look. Women have their own braveries, their own mighty courageousness that is of woman, and not to be compared with the courage shown by man. In that moment when I was full of thought for myself, with winds in chorus through the window in my belly, Bronwen had pity upon me, and in her pity, lost for only a little minute the shield of her courage, and I saw deep into her eyes and felt the emptiness behind there, and heard the voice calling in the silence, and felt the tears she wept when all of us were sleeping. So shamed I was, that I wanted to drop down there and kiss her feet. Well I know why the old ones put camel hair upon themselves and used the whip. “O, Bron,” I said, “only now I know.” Her face cracked in front of my eyes, and I could not bear to look. Up at the mountain I looked, to the green, the blueness up there on top, to feel his hardness under my feet and his strong breath cold upon me, and then to pray for some of his peace, while Bronwen bled beside me. “I am not afraid any more, Bron, my little one,” I said, “but I am glad this came if only to know this. If I come back, I come back. And if I stay there, I stay. But back or stay, I am not afraid. I am only shamed. Good-bye, Bron.” I put my arm about the gentle warmth of her, and in her tears and softness, with lavender reaching into me to tear with claws, I kissed her cheek with a brother’s kiss, and left her with my window tight shut and ready for the deaths of War. The bowmen at Agincourt were not colder to choose a shaft than I was to pull a bit of mignonette to wear in my buttonhole. So into the trap and off, and with figs to everybody. The court-house I never noticed. I had that feeling in me that you will have when a cut is to be stitched, or a burn to be scraped, when the doctor is threading the needle or honing his little knife. It is a blunting of feeling that you put upon yourself, after you have prayed for the strength to keep your mouth shut and be held from the shame of being a coward. As though you slept while you stood awake. For long we sat on forms outside among crowds of people I knew. I smiled at them, and that was all. Then, Evan John came to me, with his youngest brother to talk for him, for his chin was in thick bandage, and his eyes still swollen and sore with cuts. “Huw,” Dafydd John said, “Evan wants to say this is no doing of his. He is going in court only because he have been summonsed. He will say nothing.” “Thank you, Evan,” I said. “And he is sorry you had a fight and please to shake hands,” Dafydd said. “I am sorry, too, Evan,” I said. “We have always been good friends. But I had to do it, see.” Evan shook hands and nodded a little bit, but even so such a nod gave him pain and he frowned, and smiled with his eyes. “No case, then,” Mr. Gruffydd said. “Self-defence, if the colliery prosecutes,” our solicitor said. “That will be our defence. The only danger to us will be the witnesses they call.” Mr. Esdras Daniels was a small man with a long moustache that curled right down to his chin, and then came back up again with another twist, like two broken circles, tight, both of them, with pomade. His hair was flat to his head and polished across his skull to hide the pinkness. Little black eyes he had, that looked at you as a shopman looks at you for size, but Mr. Daniels was measuring you for a bill to item, six and eightpence, with stamp, five shillings, and witness fee with expenses, and begged leave to remain your most humble and obedient servant, in copperplate script and a blur of purple ink. “Morgan,” a man in a black gown shouted, from a face that had its colour from a handling of pots. I passed by him while his mouth was slack, and knew.

and I went to a little space behind three sides of wood. pale. with my father and Mr. “that my client.” he was saying. each knowing what the other was saying.” Thomas said.” said my father. and in a proper manner. In one long word he said it. This was not done.” “O. and repeating it.” said the old voice.” said James. to be issued by the woman. but looking at the house.” my father said. as I have said.Four old men on the bench up at the back.” said the old man. with the way they stood. In his best. nothing. It is known that he is a crony of prizefighters and others of the same kidney. was caused by a reference to the defendant’s sister.” Mr. or her absent husband. shameful even from a baby. My mother was watching them both.” Mr. in quiet. and Thomas whipped up.” Mr. “We apologize for having brought the case to court. “no indignities. “Dismissed. Gruffydd put his hand on my father’s shoulder and turned about. Back into the wide greenness of the Valley we went. indeed. I was looking at the cork lining inside my London hat. Gruffydd. “of the circumstances which force us to withdraw the summons. and did so with savage cruelty. again. Pritchard said and smiling to chide angels. .” he said. my little one. “when. then. Daniels and Mr. when we were home.” “I submit. “Gwilym. and a well-known preacher. Esdras Daniels got up very quiet and bent forward to the Bench with a smile made by queen bees. and went from us. only a mess of oral sloth. before to tie papers and give to a man with a sack behind them. and shut the doors. “Good-bye now. God. “Dismiss. very happy. The other solicitor was talking to the Justices.” my father said to her. “Thank you. “Up in the box. up on his feet. and the shouting whiteness of Mr.” my mother said to him. with brightness in the eyes. Doubtless the defendant felt himself obliged to defend the woman’s name. or by the preacher concerned. he was.” my father said. but nobody shall tell me that it was in English. “Nothing. and stood in the doorway.” “Outside. and looked at him. and not a sound all the way. just like school when the teacher has gone out for a moment. Terror. nor has it been done. nothing. Straight out to the trap. Pritchard were having a little talk together. with that feeling about as that you will have when a man has had a hurt and keeps a little smile on the mouth in case you look at him. either. I opened my ears. And to-day.” “Proceed. while noise in court of boot and voice came louder. a married woman. a tribute to the defendant’s prowess. but firm in my mind not to make sense of the talk that I could hear going on all round me. and with Shani down by the school. taking the law into his own hands. anywhere with anybody. and book-covers flapped on desk-tops. “There is little more to be said. Only when I saw my father’s hands on the back of the seat in front of him. “is this preamble strictly necessary?” “My friend must allow me to acquaint the court. too. only shame. Thomas. Dismissed. and that one on the end there. “meeting of deacons. but not of smiles. and very graceful with a pencil between his fingers. while everybody shuffled feet and spoke in low voices. “the unfortunate affair. man. for they had been learning through forty years of being together. I swear by Almighty God. “Next case. with tears. thus causing a great deal of inconvenience. and quietness. I will never know to this day how the man who asked me to raise the Testament said the oath. and in mine. Mr. “Come you in. and out I went through crowds of staring faces. and speaking in the throat as though his breakfast was troubling him. Pritchard. there is. Abishai Elias.” Another man sitting below the four of them stood on his chair to talk to them quietly. Gruffydd’s face. and four heads nodded in a line.” said Mr.” said the man in the gown to me. Gruffydd up in their seats. and I was up on the mountain with Dai Bando and Cyfartha. Shame. and their minds were one. sir?” my father asked him. That our witnesses have decided not to testify is. If I said the oath. In that quietness they were speaking their own language. Mr. in his mouth. “Will you come in for dinner. James Rowlands came round our back after dinner. have been subjected to heaping indignities. I think. And not sure if we are right to dismiss. I went back in my sleep.” For the first time. “Well.” No word or look for Mr. and speaking as though he had just drunk deep of The Wrath. my son. waiting. and having strength one from the other. our front door was shut tight in the daytime.” said my father. “Your Honour.” somebody said to me. with his little fingers like women will use them on teacups when somebody important is visiting. After that. A tap with the hammer. “Well. Esdras Daniels. and looked at her. in the words. “Are you coming?” “Yes. and avoidable delay in a much-overworked court. with their eyes.” he said. with a straightness of face. through the intractability of witnesses. instead of calling upon the Law to come to his aid. with what they put into the air about them. and a little laugh to finish. “but in the circumstances my client thought it necessary in the interests of justice. Mr.” my father said. Pritchard said. “Home for the love of God. Yet. it was not in my language. “O. now then?” “Now just. and with Ceinwen at the acting. demanding satisfaction in the High Court with a writ for slander. and other innocent people. with a shaking of the head.” said one of the old men. before he whipped up down the Hill.” A tap with the hammer from the Bench. only by relying on the sound it made to my ear. and I gave him back my notion of what he said. I am forced to ask the Court for permission to withdraw.

“To-morrow. But they said he was unclean.“Good-bye. No supper in Gethsemane. Isaac Wynn. “Mr.” I said. Gruffydd has been put from the Chapel. he is. but not looking. “So am I. and he went. “Leave the deacons by themselves. That night.” I said.” she said. and trimming her words as with shears. “I will go down to him. Gruffydd to preach and bring everybody from the Chapel. “He asked them to let him stay till then.” she said. Seven votes to three. now.” I said.” “Good. “We will have a Split.” Bron said.” “What did Dada say?” I asked her.” said Bronwen. “Where is Mr. “and your good father had a bit of an eye from somewhere. My mother nodded. “He was putting sacking about the furniture. “Mr. he said.” Ice threw itself upon me with redness.” I said. “The deacons said he was unfit. Isaac Wynn is with vinegar plasters.” I said.” “He is going in a sailing ship to Patagonia at the end of the month. Gruffydd?” “I took supper down to him. “Dada is leaving. Bron was waiting with my dinner. now just.” she said.” “Plenty more chapels. Mr.” said my father. and put a hand on my head. Ordered out by tomorrow. The clock marched and marched and marched.” “With Mr.” she said. “His supper is in that basket. “And me. when I came home after a meeting with Ianto.” .” she said.

with love.” Ellis going by.” “Amen.” A blackbird putting loops and twists in his voice outside. and more piled in the middle of the room. and only then. He turned his back and went to look through the window. “Huw. and worked on it to make it a fitting place for the reading of The Book. and the voice of Mr. and I seemed to hear Mr. and his voice riding winds and seas. Take it. now. we have been. is it? Benefit for Cyfartha it is. the smoothness of gold and glass. We were down there every day till Sunday scrubbing and painting.” I said. then. Will you?” Well. “Do you remember the daffodils. so we do.” said we all. and woodwork for the pulpit. that we made together. As months went to winter. “Are you with us here this morning. Forever. You shall only look. until it was pleasure to go in there. With blood on my chin I went from there. and making doors. And. Good-bye. “Let us sing a good hymn. warm as when he gave it to me. if you know what to listen for. And for three-quarters of an hour we sat in silence. sir. But friends always. When I went down. Nothing wrong with the Garden.” he said. But we turned to the right at the bottom of the Hill and went in to the stable. and paving the floor. As you said. I promised it. and try to move the stones. only me. with calmness. “We will live in the minds of each other. My father was like a man in his sleep.” he said. before they will wash away.” “Thank you. The village was like a place of the dead for days afterward. People walked as though the skies might open and pour fire. And his watch was in my hand. my little one. “No need for us to shake hands. give ease to the sore hearts this day. Huw. and Mari dancing among the deeps of his voice. Gorphwysfa was empty. well named. Children were kept from the streets. one night. “Mentor and pupil. A quietness was upon us. Perhaps there will be good work to be done where I am going. and with hope of a better world. This furniture. “Sorry for nothing else. The house was empty in sound. see.” Warm from his pocket in my hand. and we bought the stables between us. I want you to take to Tyn-y-Coed. I would like to give you more. “Let us give our voices a good bit of work. Gruffydd?” my father said. “Lifting up our eyes to the hills. Huw. O God.” So we sang. “Well. wherever he was. Eh. the Split came to have nearly a hundred people. Ten of us. and reading. “I am going this morning. The idle tongues. and no different from any other time. It has marked time that I loved.” he said. “I am glad you have come.” “There is. Gruffydd. “I sullied the name. the meannesses. “A great service you may do for me. Mr. only to be heard if you bend your ear and listen well. we are. and blueness coming to the sky. We said good mornings to the same people and passed them on the Hill as we had always done. “I am only sorry to go. but he had the sense to pay rent for a stable and buy paint and whitewash to clean it. Gruffydd was up and washed. the poverty of mind. for Dai could lay stones with the best.” I went from there. are as much my fault as anybody’s. at such times. and thrushes shouting in the grass.” he said. and my father read the lessons. The Split. Night after night we were down there. and smiling.” he said. We were happy here. “You have done everything. and birds beginning to shout in the garden.” he said.” Quietness again. Gruffydd’s basso as you will hear it from a choir. Blind and selfish and foolish.” he said. my little one?” he said. On Sunday morning we went to Chapel just the same. Even Dai Bando and Cyfartha helped with the masonry. that was our new Chapel. and no help needed to lift them. with roped bales and crates along the walls of the passage. we were. my little one. filled us again with courage. “I was wrong to call this room Gethsemane. “This watch my father gave me when I entered the Ministry. and his back black in front of me. and his voice with the lowness of wind from the northeast. but Mr. I am sorry. we are. God bless you. “come with us on Saturday. Cyfartha?” . when I knocked. Place of Rest.” my father said. with nothing done. with my mother’s hand in his. We did that work with love in this room. Huw.Chapter Thirty-Six I WAS DOWN AT GORPHWYSFA early next morning. and stayed there with my face in the grass till the sun was hot on my back. carving seats. and nothing I can do for you. Up on the mountain I went. and we want extra seconds. either. Amen. and Mari the mare wanting a nail in her shoe. Yes. You have never been before.

” Dai said. a man with a loud voice who punched little men and drank their beer. it was. see. and you are the other. and broader even than Dai. and even in the colliery they kept friends.“For a favour. “I will be with you.” Dai said. Many times he had been hit across the head with pick-handles to teach him.” Cyfartha said. “Needle match. and gave him good places where he could fill trams with least trouble. “Over the mountain. Will you come?” “If it is benefit for Cyfartha. So many were afraid of him. “I am timekeeper.” But Big Shoni was taller. “I will come. Willie Lewis is one second we can trust.” I said. “Dai is fighting. but he was not the kind to learn. for he was coming to fifty in years. too. What is the needle for?” “Talking too loud. and a bit short in the lungs on top of the mountain.” I said.” “Dai?” I said. “Big Shoni. In the Three Bells. “Where will you fight?” I asked him. see. .” Cyfartha said. and in surprise.

man. that seemed to come out of his chest without help of a neck. “Every morning for years with you.” I said.” “Bucket and bottle?” Dai said. hit the other. indeed. changeless.” I said. for the shouting was senseless. Bucket and bottle up there. without good thought or sense. they seemed to be jewels of the devil put there to kill spirit. with muscle thick under fat.” Cyfartha said. if you and Cyfartha had another second. with their faces red in rows. But not for money. “Am I afraid of worse than cattle?” Dai looked at Cyfartha with pity and hopelessness. “Well. you. and blood spurted upon the walls of Roman arenas. solid. and some loving woman having pains of the damned to bring them forth.” “Big he is. A change. the sportsmen. “more shame to fight only to please these. tops bare. an untidiness of raw tone. and flames took flesh from the legs of silent men. it was. with scars across it. for I liked to be in the house early to tell the boys stories before to go to bed.” he said. “Eh. for both of them were punching the life from each other. Six foot of him. His eyes. and belts about their trews. “our corner.” I said. to sit there with their mouths open. here.” “What is the matter. solid. and bruises red. Black and grey they huddled on benches. Cyfartha?” Cyfartha spat a full ten feet. “If that one hits Dai. I was sick to sit there. so I knew I would be early if I got in the house with daylight. “God is my life. in that little house. mind you. I shall never know. There is strange to go from the quiet of home to a place where men go to enjoy themselves with sport. Enjoying themselves. but worse than the bare fist to punch. Bron. quick. Do you want it in bloody Chapel. neither man nor woman. and their voices mixed in a thickness of sound. “No money. and please to hear the cattle bawling. And not for these cattle. this one by here. they call it. happy. I had never been to a prize-fight before. and a sport. A boxer would have put both in their graves. the same sound. and pulling on the ropes to come in. man?” Dai asked me.” Dai said. “To hell with it. and better sport than this. Happy we were. they were. like an egg. is it?” “With a couple of sweets. safe. that gave fright. I looked at the floor. too. and a riddance. Born in the image of God.” I said. nothing. “Old Dai must be from his senses to put foot in the ring. A rare pleasure. and bending to my ear. indeed. Big jaws he had. Two men were in the ring. and soured with tobacco spit.” I said. old Dai have picked himself a burden. and a world I can rest quiet to see burnt. and looking across at us. with a coat over his shoulders. and smooth. now then?” “These men are in blood for money. in whispers. “It is shame to bring good lungs in here. “Sorry I am.” I said. see. Huw?” Cyfartha asked me. Big Shoni and him. What is there in the spirit of man to make him earn his money by crushing the bones and drawing the blood of another. Here with us still. The air was a stink of blueness. “A second. Cyfartha?” “Would you fight free. sharp with the heat of bodies. in such surprise that you would laugh to see.” “I will be safe. no science. without a hair on him. every mouth wide. with thinking. we will bury him on the way back. and little dents that were full of shadow.” Dai said.” Willie Lewis said to me.” she said. and his bald head coming to a point. “Fighting two. There are better grazing in the fields. Look at that one. “boxing. There had never been a word between Bron and me since the morning I had told her how shamed I was.” she said. and it was a long walk home. only fists landing flat on flesh to fetch blood bubbling. and his legs . “But Dai knows where to hit. with that sound about me that stained the air when a Man sweated on a cross. one behind the other. “as long as you will be safe. to-night. for they shone yellow in any light. every eye wild. I will be. “I would go from here quick. “To hell with them. and with the weight of puddled beer drying into boards that never knew soap and water.” I said.” You should have seen Big Shoni. go. “Dai. like calves under the net in the market-place. every one of them.” “I hope. But two on Monday. indeed. and that feeling of shiver between us had gone. at peace. and meant. so it was a life in another world. by there. Small gloves they wore. regular as match heads.” “Let them hear you. for the leather was frayed and it cut the skin. “Come you.” Willie said. not to tell them their story. either. I will have a man in blood if there is a matter between us. We were as though one. If you are having my opinion. and a change it is. eh.” “Sport this is.Chapter Thirty-Seven I TOLD BRON where I was going.” “To hell with you. too.” Dai said. no brains. hit one.

they are. I love you all and you all love me. and I will fight anybody who says not. all on Shoni’s nose. me. especially with those pale eyes that watched you. or pays me to take it from somebody else. Eliel John. Eliel John. Dai was moving with his body. but the arms propping his bottom saved him.” the crowd shouted.” “Me.” the crowd shouted. with the things he had done and seen. Enoch John. and Dai went out to touch Shoni’s hand. tearful with fellowship. Nothing to be heard in the noise of voices. Cyfartha rang again.” I said. and not a breath in him. looking about the cattle with an eye soft with spirits. They can all go to hell. Prize-fight. a right hook had him neat on the chin and the ring shook as he fell flat. stepping away to square up. But Dai’s punching had done its work well. Yes?” “Yes. coming to cry and his mouth like a cut in a ball under pressure from a thumb. with you? A good boy. and some rudeness. with a shouting of laughing from all.” “Yes. moving slowly. Dai came back to us for a lift of the bottle. with clapping and shouting from everybody.” “Never. all of us. Huw? Are you having fogs in the brains. not shouting for a win. it is. and less of powers beyond.” Dai said. landlord of the Post Horn. Dai’s left straightened in a one. with a belly curving almost to the knees.” said Eliel John. He looked square at me while he rubbed his hands dry from the pickling tub. Ten to one I am giving on Shoni to win. all of us. and my father. but in the moment even when his muscles were tight to pack behind the punch. and held on to a corner post. A man whose world was fixed inside the things he knew. then. up on the toes with the other. Eliel John. I thought you. to-night.” I said. then.” he said. for the other was lost in tears and blood. and boots were busy on the floor to show impatience. and bruises blemish the white polish of other flesh. “twenty-five rounds. were like pale walls of stone shaped smooth by . “What the hell do I care? I will hit him out in two rounds. Dai was following Shoni. yes. Shoni was blinking one yellow eye. Shoni swung his right and even in all the noise I heard it crack on Dai’s head among his grey bristles.” Eliel said. “Come to see sport. Shoni’s left straightened to show a ball of muscle behind his shoulder. with flesh swelling above and below. and blood sticky about fists and chests and floor. and light having it hard to come through the shifting blueness to do its orange work upon them. no. His shoulders. and other things. was pushed up on the outside boards of the ring.” he said. Only two got up. and feeling inside himself a desire to show forth the qualities of dignity that oratory demands. I am hoping. then. only our work. and friends we are. as though throned. so Cyfartha went to shout in his ear. “No thanks to anybody. me. and pulled home a breath to straighten himself. “Men. with smoke coming from the oil lamps above them.” “Shouting for a win. Then Cyfartha rang the bell again. always at the Post Horn. And friends of his would be sorry to see him having disgrace to fight a man half his weight. before me. but Dai’s head moved. “It is my proud duty. and red and thick from crushed nose. and no man have ever come in for a drink. Eliel was out. Fists to put fear in you. one foot flat. then?” he said to me. if no money to pay. and he almost fell from the ring. and I would stand to the face of the devil and tell him. A needle. man. and moving only a bit. and pulled back to brace himself. and Dai bent under it.” The arms under him were tired and he sat back too heavily. with a prize from the hat. half his weight?” Dai said. in his high little voice. “Cattle. “where I am known to you all. “All here. as quick as you could see. and sat. and the cattle were shouting ready to be milked of lust to see pain plain on the faces of others. he thought himself back in his seat. and more men had to come to help the others. without a blink from slits that never opened. “No money buys my blood. twenty stone of him. and sliding.” I said. and thick in the moustache. as with the stroke of a hammer. and knowing. and give plenty.in clean white breeches and stocking. Each knuckle was like a little rock with him. from the pickle that hardened them. and shouted to Eliel to call the names for the fight. was unafraid. Prostitution. and his left came over Shoni’s shoulder to fill his eyes. three. with soft shoes.” I said. little of worry. with courage that knew nothing of doubt. too.” “Hear the cattle. and the cattle were shouting to be heard in the south. What is wrong. and broken mouths. and his right shoulder swung forward to dig a hole in Shoni’s fatness. or wish to have a reason. knowing himself at last to be an importance. and as he fell back. and each hand bigger than both of mine. it is. “Gentlemen. and Eliel looking about with tears. Shoni saw a hole in Dai’s guard just below the jaw. fists high. “only waiting to see you in blood. and having seen and done.” His grey bowler hat fell from his hand. “I am known to you all as a sportsman. “Look at them. and working for our money. and bending his head left and right to give thanks.” Cyfartha rang his bell. next to me. Bent in the legs and flat on his feet he went round and round. in this hall. Deadly. every one of you. thirsty and gone away empty. and hoping to see you earn a few sovereigns for yourself. “Gentlemen. lying over three men with his mouth open and his face gone dark. and us. good ones all. Shoni’s yellow eyes were fast on Dai’s. “If you had friends here they would be stopping you. still sitting. Fight. Shoni Mawr. and stood looking at Shoni’s pair of men trying to put life in him. with a slow sweeping of his grey bowler hat.” I said. and finding support there. two. and cut eyes. Hear them. and down he went on top of half a dozen as sober as he. without desire to question further. they are. Dai Bando. brown now. Dai’s left hit him full upon the mouth to take him off balance.” he said. we are. they were. It took Eliel seconds to know he had forgotten what he had stood up to say. “What is the matter with that?” “Plenty. watching. he knew. “So in this hall to-night.

Leave flying to the angels. then.” I shouted. but behind him. “I will see you to-morrow morning. and Dai with a hand on my shoulder. doing nothing. “Dai. “Up. when we got in sight of the village. with the short thicknesses of his fingers held apart. body upright.” “Finished?” he said. Cyfartha. “Let us have him home. and the cattle knew. You have won. Dai opened his eyes. and turned to the side. Then he shook from top to toe. But Shoni took the left with only a shake of the head. blinded now by spirits to take away the pain. “Something have come to my eyes. and coming to look at me. see. Dai pushed Willie away from him and stood. quick. ready.” Cyfartha said. Dai knelt. left arm out. left straight from the shoulder. out of danger from his right. and his face a mash of blood and bruise. Cyfartha came running to push me yards. you have. We ran to the corner as the bell rang but before we were there they were into one another. Dai came toward him. I am sure. Keep on your feet.” Cyfartha said. but I was colder to think of the mind behind me that kept a hand fast on my shoulder with the grip of one in fear of the Pit. with tears.” Willie was shouting. and his only tooth fell out in a froth of blood. Then Shoni was on his feet. Dai was standing with his head down.” . his right swung over Shoni’s shoulder. man. “You had him out. and lengths of broad cord. I was giving him the towel as fast as I could and watching for life to come back in his eyes. good sport. so Willie and me joined hands to carry Dai to our stool. then?” “No. taking Dai by the shoulders and holding him close. and looking to be out. As I watched him in wonder. Drop your hands. I went. Cyfartha. But Dai put out a hand and touched Shoni’s forearm.” he was crying.hammer and chisel into roundnesses. no. You have got him. after the fight.” Willie said. Cyfartha rang the bell again. “Yes. working over on Shoni’s blind side. “Am I out. and the fingers trembling to feel for Shoni’s flesh. dripping with water. right pulled back ready for the cross. Willie ran with the bucket and I with the bottle. with his fists swinging from bent. but no light was in them. but strange.” “Did I give a good fight?” Dai said. only enough to tell him that he was touching Shoni’s right forearm.” But Cyfartha was crying against the corner post. and he looked round him as one who wakes from sleep. and Shoni went over sideways through the ropes. So from then on. far from Dai’s left. as they might have beaten against the breast of his mother. Dai was bleeding from the mouth. all of it hot.” I said. Life there was. “I will have him. with fear to look. I was in the ring and over to Dai before he had dropped his hands. even so close to the eyes. In went Dai. It is Huw. but to have spring in his knees.” Dai said. cutting flesh away as though with a razor. with the life of him hot behind his quietness. yet hard to believe. Shoni was all shoulders. legs wide apart. Again he touched Shoni’s shoulder. Go in and kill. flat. both feet off the ground. pulling at his trews and hitting one fist into the other. and I turned. my little one. Willie made a knee and pulled him upright while I pulled his mouth open to push the bottle neck inside. Dai.” Willie said. not with a fist. and his eyes big. blood flew. trying to see through the blood that blinded him.” “Good. and a right had smashed his nose as I turned my head. Shoni looked at his corner and something of a smile came to change the look of his head. and quiet as a cat. close in his ear. that one over the mountain.” He spat. Now hear the cattle.” he said. for he was happy. and ready to hit. “Still out. with blood. Dai. he is. and ready to enjoy the rest of it with the cattle.” I said. and no word from one of us. Dai. I am. Got him. man. and the knuckles grazed Shoni’s only good eye. now. but with fingers stretched to feel. and the right arm ready with its ram of pain. still waiting. “up. left fist in Shoni’s bruises. and money spoke from fist to fist in bets. “Dai. and as Dai landed on his toes. my little one. and Cyfartha quiet drunk and savage against the world. and came up. It is finished. and empty a couple of buckets over him. not quite to the floor. man. without light. Shoni bent away with his hands to his face and blood dripping through his fingers.” But Dai never heard a word. With the whiteness of the moon cold upon us we went. and looking up at the roof. Without a ring from Cyfartha. in no hurry to come to the finish. All the time the cattle bawled. “Spit now. for he knew. living muscle. one yellow eye alight. and busy with the bottle. and Dai sending in a left to follow that missed by inches. “Dai. “Go from here.” Dai’s hands patted Cyfartha.” “Good night. and fists up ready. Only a touch. bent from the waist. leaving the bone white and filling. “Let me see you safe home. and again the right came over. for the eyes were still with nothing in them. seeming for a moment to hang in the air. and as the fists landed. but fearing. quickly. They looked at each other for moments. “I am with eyes. savage in the voice. while the cattle nosed the empty manger and tramped and called in greedy rage. that Dai would stay down only when sense had left him. thinking what to do. “Dai. a short right caught him on the jaw and hit him three paces off. A journey not to be forgotten. with his fists against his chest. tight arms. as from far away. landing fair upon the muscle of the jaw. “Will we carry him?” I asked Cyfartha. but Shoni sent in a hook that had him on his heels with his hands going out to find something solid to hold. taking his time. and hopped across the boards. and quickly the fingers felt his face. but Shoni had taken the advice from his men and stood his full six foot. choosing the places to put his punches. and to give a marker where his head would be.

“Go to hell. Of course. Only once. . he never saw his share again. Everybody said Dai’s blindness was punishment for his wicked ways. indeed.” Cyfartha said. Cyfartha took Dai to Cardiff to see a doctor. and we lost nearly twenty people who feared that something might be happening to them for staying away from a proper house of prayer to go and pray in an old stable. and though he came to see more and more as the weeks went. Dai to serve all day. to teach sinners a lesson in the workings of the Will. and because I was there. Cyfartha working his shift as usual and helping behind the flap at night. the Split was blamed too. Dai left his chair in the bar to go out and down to the mine with his working clothes on. only once. and lived there. with their savings. in His mercy. Once. Shall Dai?” So home Willie and me went. but some gentle little thing at the back of his eyes had been ruined by the punch. “You will see to-morrow. and Cyfartha holding Dai to him and talking to him as a mother. planned by God. So between them. I was thought to be part of a scheme. A time to live again. they bought the Three Bells. in all their years together.

Tie your tie. “Supper in plenty. gently. and busy with a thread in the tablecloth. they trust. so all I could have of Cienwen was in my mind. given to them because they are women in defense of their womanness. it would be wrong. in her own way. seldom to be touched but happy to know you have got.” “Would you be glad to send me off. and I kept her there as men keep libraries of rare books. You are not for me as wife.” she said. and her hands tight together in her lap. From all over the Valley they came to me for doors and frames and solid works in wood. there were only a few minutes in all those weeks of days. I think we were happy. then?” I asked her. too. see. like a good meal that you have tasted and cherished. Bron and me had lived in that house for years. that you shall taste only once or twice while you live. of course. and the boys took her time. But never mind about the law. but he knew nothing. for the table was with flowers. and the difference caused me hurt. and now that I think of them. I often thought of Ceinwen. I wonder is happiness only an essence of good living. You put your boots on as he did. it was something to the credit of Bron to have two like them after her. but with nothing in her voice. The two were different. In your voice I hear him. and so I felt. “No other reasons. and seemed shamed to speak of her.” Then I knew that there can be sin in the world. but Matthew Harries she trusted as a man. Our back at Bron’s. “Well. coming from behind it only when. to shake. “I will be sorry to see you beside any other man. of pain. and found her eyes full of the shinings of tears and her head on the side. “Good.” I said. unhappy there. Two men were after Bron with flowers and sweets. Your eyes are like his. a barrier built of things of the spirit. then. and sin so vile that words will not dishonour themselves by . with knowledge and in light. though. for I knew that the world of Bron was not my world. as though she would bless me. “but you are sweet comfort to me only to have you near. for there is honour in a trusting upon the word alone. of helplessness. to learn. Firm I made my mind not to be cause of more worry to her. keep his arms pinned.” I said. “If you like him better than Gomer.Chapter Thirty-Eight I DID WELL in those years I had as master carpenter. for she seemed to have my youngness with her. and in you I see him. but with warmness coming in her voice. and wishing you had the fullness of it solid between your teeth. of quiet. Like Ivor you are. then. when there is time to let the mind play free. “and God love the dear day. But it is beyond the reach of man to tell why. Then came the night when Matt Harries asked Bron to marry him. “It seems wrong for another man to have life near you. Four men I had.” “Why?” she asked again. and behind here. “No. sewing forgotten. and look back in your mind to eat again.” Bron said. and a strange delight in thinking that only a word will hold so much in check. and smiled shy. I looked at her. Bronwen Harries?” Now that the question was with me flat. of all that is beautiful and womanly an equal part. Ever after that time when I went to court we had been deep friends. and I am not for you. “Long we have been together. and firm I was. It is only then. with quiet. that it would be a foreign place. stop his mouth.” “The law is against us marrying. and a couple of boys. until the boys had grown out of stockings. For as men have fists and heads to defend themselves. that trouble comes to you. How strange is the way we live. Many times I went over to see Mervyn. I had feelings of ease to think that I could see her go with nothing only sorrow. “How would you like Mrs. Bron. and because I was working hard. Then they went to open a coalyard somewhere and nothing was left of the family. with tears. “Well. Even in the middle of sawing a plank. And this barrier a man will find against him to turn aside his male attack. Matthew Harries and Gomer James were a couple of good men. and I a stranger. Bron was firm.” I said.” I said. but she had gone and nobody knew where. You shall see it in their eyes. but whenever the talk seemed to be nearing rocks. “or to be busy in your mind for another. though we never thought so at the time. looking at the door. Put your hair.” “Why?” she asked me. And I knew that Bronwen trusted me at my word. before we had a single serious talk.” she said. I came home from supper with my mother and found Bron in the rocking-chair. No longer had I jealousy. and then go on living with the taste in your mouth. “You are Bronwen. was like a woodyard at one time. that it was pain to lose. This barrier it is that women who are women keep always at a height. in the end. and her mouth soft. and yet was a loveliness in itself. for as I opened it she looked straight at me.” she said. so women have a gentleness of silence about them. indeed. Huw?” she asked me. reduce his heat and restrain his idle imaginings. I went from the room or thought to speak of something else. of grace.” I said.” I said.” “So I knew. “No supper to-night. and all my earliness. cool his eyes. when we were alone together and quiet enough to be able to think.

” I said. her will had prevented me. And you think beyond me. and was brave. essaying entry.” I said.” “For Ivor’s sake?” I said. our feeling to be the same. For now. according to her will and none other. Beauty and music. And she was bigger in my eyes. and strange in its ways of work. and seeing Ivor. “O. “Bron. restful it was. with something of hurt. Mine was the emptiness of one who waits at gates locked beyond his vision. “But no harm. and seeing Ivor. and watching me do my hair. to be thrown in a cess of disgust. too. and all the time she looked and watched in hungriness.” I said. and then. without fear. “what is this world Ivor had. with more of respect. why. “Yes.” I said. “There is sorry I am. Ordinary things like teapots may be talked about because we know them and they are solid under the hand. I had thought her to be thinking as I was. Only for a little we live. with warmth for her. but I lived again.” I said. except the kettle whistling to tell us that he was too hot. “I only know it is with me. I was quiet. “Ivor found his world with you. “Beautiful. first. for she had known what was in my mind.” “Why?” I asked her. “Why. with her smile that was not a smile. why. and trample where he lives still? Let the law be wise. “Supposing I had been a fool?” She looked into the fire and there was quietness.” “Then why did you know it would be wrong to marry?” I asked her.” “No. ready to withstand what was really me only to have those little things in me that were in the likeness of Ivor. but in shame to speak of it. I suppose. and with regret. for the words are not in use to tell of it. if I had said yes. too.” she said. and the likenesses were dear to her. to think him back again. But neither of you if I had said no. soft. “O. “Yes. and with right to say who and when. and moved her head. But to talk of the world that is hidden in every woman is a journey of pain.” Bron said. and the world Ivor had known was Bronwen’s as much as his. But if I had the right to think of the world with Bron. And always so kind to me.” she said. and stood up. there was no reason to deny the right to Ceinwen of sharing with another man. and with right to allow another man to share. because I said Ivor and nobody else. Her strength had kept me from her. It is a little thing to do for some. and smiled. “All your life. You. I died. her spirit had triumphed. to see Bronwen smile. “O. “I suppose I would have been a fool. Bron. “But I also have a world.” “But why afraid?” I said. instead of thinking about her as guardian of a world denied to me.” she said. Eleven years older than you.” So Bronwen showed me more of the strength of woman. then?” “The one we find with a woman. . which is stronger than fists and muscles and male shoutings. I am. is it? And I will have whoever I say to share it. as though I had answered. I thought of her looking at me tying my boots. and hearing me sing. flattering himself that he waits at an open fairway out of respect. You are young. So lonely. as equal sharer. and O. and the pains of knives in her to think of Ivor. “Who?” she asked me. born of the same fear. a blackness of sin. I was made to think of her in truth and verity as owner and possessor. “Ivor was strong. and gentle. indeed. Sin. but with coolness in me. The world I had shared with Ceinwen was as much her own as mine. But I was sorry for you. but with smiling that was half of crying. the love of woman is a glorious thing. indeed. This time because it is pain to think of innocence in ruin. to take her hand and feel for her only the love of the heart. It was a death to me to think of Ceinwen as possessor. for I was unready to break the peace of the world I had found up on the mountain.coming forward to describe it. for she had responsibility and I had none.” she said. not to disturb. I am a fool. or he would burst and rust the stove. Ivor said the same to me. But now I was filled with ashes to know that Bron had been keeping the barrier at its strongest only to turn me aside. and sat up straight to hear. Huw?” she asked me.” “That is why we cannot marry. because in words it sounded foolish.” she said. “you know why I was shamed?” “Yes.” I said.” “But. a fear of touch that might lead to union. and looking again in the fire. and put her arm about me. and to use the words that are is only a hopping on uneven crutches. and she longed for them. with right of denial and sanction over all. Huw. She looked at me with calmness. and not seeing her.” she said. then the Angel with a flaming sword comes to slash us out. Shall I bring strangeness to you. Iscariot and his rope were near me as I sat there that night. and had suffered it only because in me she saw my brother. and I saw my mother in her.” “Why?” I asked her. “Well. “What world is it. “Have you been with a girl. and strange. So I took him off.” “But I found it beautiful beyond life. and please to take him off. with truth.” she said. O.” she said. in wonder. and feel ourselves truly alive. marches forward with boldness only to break his nose upon the unseen steel. Huw. and foreign to me because it belonged to another. there is. I had thought our silence. I said nothing. it would have been second. Huw?” she asked me. “For Ivor. “Ceinwen Phillips. and with laugh. And I was afraid. why. Ivor it was. yes. “Who is to know?” she said. and knelt beside Bron.

” she asked me. There is a swine. Bron?” I asked her. and have a cup of tea. a sower of seed. Bron. But what right have you to make me property? Am I an old den of house. to have rest from the mysteries piling one on the other. for there are times when the mind is far away. born in the image of a kettle. For gone though he might be. trying to find the words. and in my ears the voice of Mr. and then I was coming to blush again. “No.” I said. “Do you expect to find this world of yours. “am I a belonging. ready to go about his business any moment of the day. and he only a kettle. and to think of putting a kiss upon her. with power of life and death. a world of beauty and music. “Look.” I said. Huw. part of her. “and fine boys. you are.” “A responsibility. with a sign outside? Stop to think like a fool. but she turned her back. But glad I am your mother is from here. a man. “what. his mouth kissed you. “Am I somebody from the gutter?” I looked at her for long.” she said. he said. I never once thought.” I said. one woman. nothing but a kettle. . And so kind to them he is. and where is the shame?” she asked me. and envying a kettle. and went to her. “It is a call. His hands touched you. deep disgust. and puffing fat cheeks. with her in and out of sleep. To think of you is to think of him. and ready to hit my head on the door for being such a fool.” I said. “One man. then. She looked sideways at me.” Still I was dense. resting her hands on the caddy. with responsibility. see. “Gareth and Taliesin. meaningless. wanting only a drop of water. “and you will marry Matt Harries. Good God. then? Bronwen Morgan I am. “Ivor and you. Gruffydd. I could feel the pinch of whiteness in my face.” I said. and all round Bron. a father. yet doing his job and living his life. “Yes. “Ivor had two sons. and our sons upstairs to tell you so. slim. “Are you jealous.” she said.” I said. To see you is to see him. “did you think of children?” “What children?” I asked her.” “Why would you be a fool. then. for he was about her. man. what would be the end? I would cut my throat from shame. This I was.” I said. “Ceinwein. with a will and always at his best. too. and got up to get the tea caddy. “without to become a father?” “O God. and kissed her cheek. “The boys will have nothing to do with him. Huw.” she said. and her fingers turned and turned her wedding ring. to carry out his responsibilities as a kettle.” I said. blessed with the gift of the seed of Adam. to bring forth generations of new lives. for I could feel Ivor warm about us.” “But just now. that was straight as boards. “I would have blushed to burn a little while ago. and he would boil and blow and spit like a good one. There is a swine I am. “There is strange to talk like this. “Sure. “Am I ugly. as though pulled from darkness. what is the matter with us that we act like fools instead of men?” “The beauty and music.” she said. watching me as though with pity. But I was born in the image of God. hearing a deep voice. then?” “O.” Well. “I have asked plenty of times.” I said. is it?” “Yes. and words are only a tracing of sound. He was with you and used your flesh for his sons. They would laugh to have me for a father. and looking in the fire again. Now it is nothing. and with soreness in the throat. And some are not strong. though with little thought for it. is it?” “I will think. She would think little of me.” “Mr. they are. So plain it is now. “and I forgot. a little fire. but they sounded so hurtful that I feared to open my mouth. Never once these years. and was quiet.” Bron said.” I said.” “Jealous. smiling. near to her. “in beauty and majesty beyond words. and on his mark every moment.” Bronwen said.” I said. She smiled at the fire.“Huw. and whiter than I had ever seen her. and staring wide at me. “Have you heard?” she asked me. a swine. Gruffydd. but the Morgan only because I said so. “How do you know?” she asked. Witlessness. “He told me.” she said. creator. Yet. for I was a man. simple. as though I was not giving her respect. “then. cold. Huw?” she asked me. and the lines in her forehead and above her eyes smoothed out as though a hand had passed across. for me. I looked at the kettle. with a bit of hurt. Where is there place for me?” “But. “but she has gone. and a coldness coming to make me shake and freeze inside the brain. or even fosterfather. I envied him his simple life. To touch you is to touch him. only sacred. “He has gone. He is about you like lavender.” I said. “not ugly. but you are here. then?” So surprised I was that she laughed at me. Ivor is still Ivor with me. and then was ashamed again. How could I be jealous? If I was a fool with you. with anything more than the love of the heart was a hollowing. indeed.” She looked at me straight. and staring to put you in fear.” she said.” Bronwen said. “Children.” “But supposing you were a father.” she said. but ready to say no. a kettle. Bron. he is still with you. she still was blessed by him. pretending to be nothing else. and the thought of him steady beside her filled me high with pity. a perfection of rest for a right arm. “Sure?” she asked me. and gentle. quick. indeed. Bron. Bron. You and he are one.” “Do you feel it.” she said.” “I will think more of you. Good God in Heaven. for he was black with work.

” she said. “There is talk. “You will have to hold the temper. I cannot tell. one day out in the back here. coming to be impatient. that my fine feelings had been kicked in the ash tub. A horrible feeling. “My mother told me. to know you are a burden in body and spirit to somebody dear to you. He was handling a chip of mahogany. and then. but somebody else talking. and into my pockets for a bit of pencil. Huw. where they belonged. always pulled tidy but never greasy. and then starts the stench. was a place of rest. thinking. For people with little sewage systems in their minds are only waiting for a man to live in the same house as a woman. what?” I asked him. Eh. Nothing more to do. and stood to face him.” “Let me catch anybody. If it is a woman. and high. where the unkindness of man for man could be forgotten. and watching the wind have them. Christ help him. “And that will settle it. as though in shame to say the name.” There is blind we are at times in our lives. She was out of patience with me. and a hand on my arm. “I will tear the tongues from their throats. How I could have imagined Bron and me could live in the same house day in and day out for years on end. “You and Bron. and a good moustache the colour of his hair. see. watching Bron. Fair hair. Talk. too. and the greyness of his eyes sober upon me. “and she had it in the market weeks and weeks since. curly. “I am still as I was. is it?” “No. “What harm?” she said. but quiet. I think I felt a bit of hurt.” I said. and the next is a despair of knots to try patience and drive you mad. now. and quiet. for it was like a tangling of ropes that one moment you think you have got straight. we shall see.” Matt said. and went out. They are not even worth spit. with tongs pulling the words from him. I must have been mad all the time. there. and a spinning quietness came to draw tight about us. and had my cup of tea.” “You are worth more than spit to me. silent. with quiet. now. the feeling was between us again.” he said. and parted with neatness.” I said. “and I will keep mine.” he said. very pretty in the eyes.” she said. and I could wait for God to send calm and wisdom. “I knew. well. “Good night. “O. and she went upstairs lightly as she always had. both of us grown. the old. “For what?” “You. “and no word to me?” “Did I want a murder. “What. with only the winds to come at you.” I said. and lit her candle. but with more of resentment. and go free of the evil of people’s minds. So I kissed her. “I will marry nobody. the more the stench. pulling bits off. so talk. it is.” “Leave it. and it came out. and ready for their graves. “shall I say something?” “What. but with pleading and softly. “Bronwen. dear. But there you are. and O. Matt Harries cured it. sometimes over years and years. and laughing. with only two boys in the house beside us. and quick. A good grey eye.” “You knew?” I asked her. a bit at first. and she smiled. They say Gomer and me are out because you are in. and blue.” Bron said. You are still as you were. too. Dai Bando never hit a man harder.” he said. “For months. “I know it is all lies. “Me. “No. “Well?” I said. now?” I said. Years.” I went straight and told Bron.” he said. but this time not happily as it had been before. “Keep your ears open.” I said. he had. he had. but unwilling to talk again. a blessed ease. for I had a grudge that was savage with heat against everybody.I shut my mouth. boy. But no more nonsense.” I said.” I said. where it was green. no doubt.” he said. until I thought I would have to leave the house only to have peace for us both. “Huw. Let them talk. then?” she said. that looked at you straight and with deepness not to be denied.” “Good night. that is all it is. full on her face. boy.” he said. For long after that. and the bigger the system.” she said. And if he is a man. and across the landing to the front bedroom. sudden. until it is wonder that they are not rotten from the poison. old smile that only Bron could smile.” “Who have you heard?” I asked him. For the first time I heard the key turn stiff and sore in the door. I sat. “Good. then?” I asked him. and up on top of the mountain to have peace. . and only up on top there.

waiting for us with impatience. Dada. see. and commissioners for oaths. “Leave it to me. “What. “Where the hell will the slag go. “If we know we might get him to sell to all of us on the Hill. Their hurts are keener than the soreness of injustice.” The day of the hearing came. “If it costs the last sovereign. and the last brick of this house. gladly. and pointed with his pipe to the arms. “They said no. or the steel struts they were bolting together to carry deadness to the mountain. for she was tired of going from one place to another. “In time to come. with quiet. One of the two. Or was.” my father said. and wanted a home. “Go and see Abishai Elias. So the mountain it is. They can take the case as far as the House of Lords if they want to. and they shall keep it as we have done. that the colliery could starve him out.” he said. and Wyn was happier than she had been for years.” said my father. a young man. “They have got no right. but not taking much notice. and ready to let tongues have their way. and hope for the hate of Satan to fall on old Elias. Lewis. they cannot be cutting coal. “For the women and children. and going out.” he said. Morgan. and looking about to see if any were listening. almost in whispers. “Working to the waist in water all week. “He is the owner. empty of anger. Now you shall see another bolting of swine. It belongs to the colliery. “Jones the Chapel?” “No. in the big hall that was dark with the rain outside. excepting only our land on the Hill.” I said to the foreman. and all the drawn-out painfulness of law cases.Chapter Thirty-Nine UP THERE IT WAS. As the devil loves the cross. for however hard we fought. “Never mind. “The slag must go somewhere. and going out. “Yes. then?” “Slag tip. so do rogues love this. So does all the mountain land.” We left it. on that day.” he said. “Yes. They can only do the best they can. “Be sensible.” he said. Or the men will come out and more trouble. and down he went.” I almost hated my father. “Right you are. “At last. While they are piling slag. you.” “Years?” I said. then.” “Go on. with the boy.” “Who. it will have to come from the wages of the men. “We must do something. man. And money going out. “Up the top here. now. “Right. we must be beaten by empty bellies. I went to see my father.” “Who sold the land?” I asked him. If they keep it underground as they used to do.” he said. I suppose. “Here is a sign. So there.” My father smiled and scratched his head. my son. the slag must come out. Leave it. and all the other houses on the Hill. “They have paid me short. They are powerful.” I said. with appearances in Court before justices. and he knew. One morning I met him coming up the Hill off the night shift.” my father said. that I knew teeth of fear. and our minds were busy with him until he was out of it.” I said. and the days and weeks went.” But when we got to the court our solicitor was standing in the front. “he sold it long ago. My father had spoken for him to start work in his pit.” No use to blame him.” “What?” he asked me.” he said. I was coming back.” he said. Those are our homes down there. now?” I asked him. But then Davy had more trouble.” “But it will roll down on top of us.” my father said to Davy.” “A hiding without a fight.” Over the mountain we went. yet. when I saw men working to put up tipping piers from the colliery to the top of the mountain directly behind our house. then? If you want to work.” he said. then?” I asked him. If it comes out it must have a place to go. and we could only look up at it with our hands on our hips and curse it. and short to-day. “But I will have a reckoning. “Settle with them. we will have them before a Judge. but he only nodded and wiped his glasses. Davy had been back only a few weeks when it happened. “Let us have a solicitor.” He was not allowed to join the shift on Monday because he had written a letter to the manager. There was a bargain struck. and we knew. and swearings of affidavits. and for once in his life he listened to her. and notices were given to Davy with the arms of the King upon them. “Years. By that time the tip was built and working. Mr. The rights of man are poor things beside the eyes of hungry children. but I saw what he was afraid of doing and I had sympathy. and put them in Court. and found a solicitor. and here it is. Useless to curse the men. And all their slipperiness shall not avail them in the day of judgment. not very happy to take the case because he had thoughts for the future.” “How about the minimum?” I asked him. and break you on the . my son.” he said. “Quick.” I said. and shaking in the hands with anxiousness. the last stick. or their work. “What is this. “Good day. and even under his dust I could see his anger. for the sake of wages.” he said.

“Apparently not. over a period of years in the same colliery. I stood up with the files heavy in my arms. “What is this man doing?” the Judge asked. She knew. on evidence provided by the company in its own pay dockets.” the solicitor said. “Look. with whispers and frowns. for every pay docket we had ever had was on the file. Wyn’s father will come with . My mother stood to watch. “we have come here for a hearing after months. go in by there and start to make your case. which we admit is below the minimum wage. like a girl going to meet her other mother for the first time. and all in Court heard me make a way through the benches toward the front.” he said. Detail after detail was read out of Davy’s past life. and entitled to be paid the minimum wage allotted to that class of man?” Davy looked very good in his best black suit. The claim is allowed. my son?” “I will have my share of the box. and his discharge.” One docket after another the Judge turned over. And Mr. with a smell of books.” he said.” my father said to us. for he had seen my movement. in fact. “I have been working since I was twelve. holding her chest with one hand and putting tucks in her apron with the other. The Judge’s greyness shook quickly from side to side. More running down in front. “How are you going to prove to the Court’s satisfaction. arms folded. as though clean sand had just been dusted on the floor of his mouth. and went in. The question had everybody in fits down in front. Your Honour. “What has this to do with the claim?” the Judge asked. about his activity as a firebrand. “that you are. while my mother and Olwen were washing up. “Yes. and a solicitor stood up to put the colliery case. “To-day is the last of us in this Valley.” the Judge said. because in the manager’s estimation he was incompetent. “My clients claim. Vaughan looking far from happy when he looked at Davy to take his place in the little box near the Judge.” My father’s fists struck into Mr. indeed. Those are the amounts I have drawn every week since I started work. to nobody.” he said. and shake their hands. sir. from the first week’s pay we had ever drawn. and call them true men. and still be held as an incompetent workman?” No answer from anybody. Your Honour. “Can anybody tell me. with costs. and then finish.” said the Judge. and Davy’s eyes came off the Judge to look at me. “The dockets. big place. Ianto is in iron. and grey hair to his shoulders very tidy. “In my view.” I am only sorry that we were not allowed to shake the Judge’s hand. “The dockets. and Mr. but the air going to shrivel about us. Vaughan. with little steps. and for quiet minutes there was only the voice of crispness in paper to be heard. with you?” Thank God for a lifetime of tidiness and order in the home. and looking as though he was willing to go to his grave before to hear any more of the silliness of men. Davy. Vaughan doing nothing. direct at Davy. that there were two sides to every face. the Court. A good. as much as the amount of this claim. Davy sat stone-still. and my father knew. and I thought. House of Lords or House of God. If I am spared. with splinters of glass in his voice. dear. “how a man can earn three and four times. me. “and I will go to New Zealand. and therefore is entitled to receive the minimum wage as provided under the agreement. That estimation will be borne out by witnesses. Our case was called among the first. and the generosity of the colliery in having him back again through the good offices of his father. and then dance on the desks. and Huw is in wood. I have got a couple more years’ work. and soft coal smoke.” Davy said. “but still be lacking in competency. and the Judge looking at the end of his pen over the top of his spectacles.” Davy said. pretending to smile. except a bit of a smile here and there to the solicitor on the colliery side. with fire burning high in his eyes. “that there is no basis for a claim. and swallowed a small town. as man after man we knew well. and picked up his papers. Vaughan. And him sitting there. and his glasses flashed in the light of the lamps. The man was paid the wage that he received. went into the witness box and swore that Davy was an incompetent workman. with something of kindness. Dada.” If you had seen my father’s face. man. “Might we hear the claimant?” the Judge asked into the air. watching them. Then the Judge looked at Davy. in whispers. It was late before we had supper that night. before I will take the bones piecemeal from your carcass. all of us. and little men running on tiptoe with pieces of paper one to another. for people were coming from all the other valleys to cheer my father and Davy. “Make your minds firm. the plaintiff establishes beyond doubt that he is a competent workman. and down at the solicitor. What will you do.” he said. Up on the high place was the Judge with a robe of blue and red.” said Mr. “My brother.” he said. How can you prove your claim?” My father gave me a dig with his elbow that almost took me from the world with fright. a competent workman. as though he spoke to hear his voice. Where are they. “With proof of competency. and even more than six times.way. Vaughan to hold him by the coat as a hawk strikes into a mouse. “You may have worked for fifty years. and ink made from powder. Eh. and his eyes two inches from the little green onions of Mr.

” “You could go to your good brothers in the United States. So I will go.” said my father. with her hands tight about it. and Davy was up quick to fetch the Book. and his fingers hooked in the pages. for he was fighting rivers. with nothing in his voice or face. “Shall we read a chapter.” my father said.” “New Zealand. “But I will be happy to know you are close together.” Davy said. but with weakness in his voice. buy and eat. then?” “No.” Ianto said. my son. and we dare not look at my father. There is a German over at the works there. Ianto. Dada.us. There is nothing in front of me here. “New Zealand. come ye. “to Germany. “Isaiah. and the furniture. with stiffness.” “Say nothing to your Mama. “To New Zealand. Dada?” he said. I am sorry to say. “Good.” Davy said. come ye to the waters. buy wine and milk without money and without price.” We sat still. looking at the floor. and his hand was on her head nearly hidden in her hair. “Ho. my mother came to sit by my father. . Yea. and he says I could have a better job with him. “Dada. fifty-five. my sons?” he asked us. and the walls.” Ianto said. “Let this day be over. first. “Not charity. “What shall we have.” my father said. “You too. and Olwen sat on the floor with her arm on his knee. for he knew his answer. and his other hand lay in my mother’s lap. now. and he that hath no money. in a little while.” my father said.” In the dark pane of the window I saw my father shut his eyes. come. and her face on her arm. Dada.” my father said. They are your brothers. every one that thirsteth. with the thickness of guilt and black leather ready on his knee.” And while Davy read. “I am going too. and looking up at Davy’s jersey. but not at one another. my son?” he said.

“And you. “Goodness gracious. as a man will look at a rain cloud and wonder if there is time to go back for his coat. with her hands quiet. now.” Mama said. “Yes. One morning they stood before my mother with their coats on their arms and their hats in their hands.” my father said. Davy. without words for us. and a wink to me to be quiet. “Good-bye. “Well. But my mother had no good-bye for them.” “They are in the house. My mother went to sit on the stool by the fire with the work-basket close to her feet. The kitchen was full of the speech of my mother’s eyes.” Ianto said. I crated all Davy’s furniture. that were dry upon the cheek. if they can have it all on a little piece of paper?” “Only a map. But they said nothing. my lovely girl. For she thought of them all as she thought of Ceridwen. boy. I was always worried from my life in case they landed in jail.Chapter Forty I ANTO AND DAVY went away together. and made boxes with baize linings for the crockery. so while her good boys went from her she sat to think of them. and down at the pit. it is. Huw. and not even putting on her glasses to see. but it was a job of sadness for me. Mama. for that fear had always been near to her. “Shall we have a move?” More quiet. when she was quiet. and spiders with a pencil. With my atlas I tried to show my mother where her children had gone. and a chance to button their coats. Over there to Ianto. smiling too. and short with . and I put my atlas away. flat. She looked at the page with her head back as though it had a smell.” I said. Beth.” Ianto said and rubbing his hat with the cuff of his coat. From this house. “And no old pictures. “A picture. “One line from us to Owen and Gwil. how far. shining all that way across the continents and oceans. It was a blessing that Ianto and Davy went then. Mama. only just over the mountain. pointing it for her. “It is coming. to show you where they are. and Davy after. “Good-bye.” my mother said. and to Davy in New Zealand. She wanted to listen to nothing. but only the sound of her kiss. and Germany sounded just as far as New Zealand to her. And Olwen piled the breakfast plates as though it was their fault her brothers were off down the Hill. for Ianto had his arm about Davy’s shoulder. and down by here to Davy and Wyn. and I looked out of the door and down the Hill.” my mother said.” Davy said.” my father said. but she could never sit still and do nothing. and to Ianto in Germany. for they would have been in trouble sure if they had waited for the end of the year. Mama. again then?” my mother said.” my mother said.” “Yes. and perhaps the relief that they had gone from the Valley in peace helped her in her dark days. and ready to stop her ears against what I was telling her. distrustful of what she saw. not anxious to see. see. but not at them when they waved good-byes. but quiet except for the clock. too. looking at nobody. for Ianto knew that two good-byes would be hard on my mother. You are like the Mother of a star. “Down here to Angharad. but having it hard with his voice. with her hands busy to puff the sleeves of her dress. and see nothing that might bring to her more coldness of the heart than their going had given her. if you please. but I never saw her so round in the shoulders or slower to thread a needle. I drew pencil lines from us to Owen and Gwilym across the Atlantic.” said Davy. She never mended socks before the peace of the afternoon. “Well. and then my father. and putting another knot in his parcel of sandwiches and cake. “This time it will be worse than ever. though Olwen had brushed it to smoothness only a minute before. I have told your mother to prepare for a bad winter. Mama. “Yes.” my father said. and my father was standing in the middle of the street giving them a start. and the clock telling them to leave home. the little sound her kisses made.” “All that way. “Well. Ianto went first. then. Mama. and to Angharad down there in Cape Town. “Off. But thank God your good brothers are from here.” my father said. and smiling a big one. holding the book with loose fingers. and sideways with the eyes. high.” I think my mother was glad. and took off her apron to show her best black silk. to be seen any time of the day with only a good walk there and back. “What is this old spider. now then?” she asked me. and the people on the Hill looked up at the mountain. and Olwen coming to cry. Every tap of the hammer seemed to send him farther away. Mama.” Ianto said. “Will you write?” Mama asked them.

“and an end in a police-station.” I said to her. and watching people to see if Olwen was having more of the looks. Change places only for a minute. and worried. the dusty street of many sounds. Gruffydd and my brothers.” she said.” I said and feeling in my pride to be three of me. or have twists in the neck from looking at something on either side. and when I did. sense or not. knowing only that eyes were on her. A good. So go you. with big eyes. We left the boys with my mother and took Olwen with us. “Only to give you comfort. but only old eyes here. and they will think of you in years to come. “What is the matter then. but if she had seen him looking at Olwen she would have been hurt. that men I knew to be as hard in the head as the bole of an oak. so that I could use my time. but one with salt will have you in stitches. One Saturday Bronwen had a birthday and I thought I would take her to Town for an outing and buy something new in a box for her. “So please to mind your affairs. and twice as high. my work covered the worry and I forgot in the joy of using my shining tools. So you will live in many places at once. Before. I shall look. in the time of Mr.” I said. and blind themselves and have humped backs with looking at the pavement. and the eyes of those who knew her. look down. I had little time to notice what was going on outside. well. and a royal feeling it is to spend money without caring. good laugh I had. girl. and not only at night but in the afternoons too.” Strange that women always trouble for the worst that never happens.” “Go on with you. with a subject defined and a vote to be taken on a show of hands. “I have got a name. And all women. and toward the end. but a smile in the making behind her eyes. for we never dared to say a word.” “I have yet to hear the words. “Lovelier than Pharaoh’s daughters. Not a man of all the hundreds we saw that day would have dared to say a word to her. O. girl. lost many a fat job and thought it no matter. see. and a prince I was that day. now. only not to look. for a smile is happy on the face. though I would never touch coffins. so who will say that we must cover our eyes and see nothing only stones and sky. and put her in a chair. If she had seen a man looking at her. A pretty game it is too. Well. or what. not often to be seen. there is stupid and there is dull. and men. There is good to take somebody you love on a trip to Town. making doors and window-frames and tables and chairs. But then it seemed that anybody who could talk was sure of a hearing. and coming to be a pincushion full of the spikes of sight. But Bronwen was used to the village street. and in that. she would have turned her nose to the skies and so put him in a bruise of blushes. So the weeks went. and then she was right for another couple of weeks.” Bron said. Where there was one meeting. Bronwen walked in front of me looking up at first-floor windows in the street. will look up. and found it much to my liking. How would I feel if I looked at a shop and a man spoke?” “Would you have time to feel?” I asked her. would stand to listen. though they will deny it with an oath. I started small to have the time to work up a stock. Leave it now. and you are running up a street with no enjoyment of it. boy. There is a time we had. the fools. Too conscious of her womanhood she was.” she said. that was plainer than a written sign. “No matter about tongues at home. So.” she said. so I knew we had perhaps an hour of discomfort to live through before she grew less tender of herself and more a part of the crowding streams of people. I never saw a reason for putting noble wood and good work about deadness and dropping it down a little pit. It was the subject-matter of the meetings that made me worry. is wrong with us?” “Nothing wrong. or what. and ready to spoil her day by worrying over it.” she said. and wondering if she had a bit of soot on her nose or too many years. People were stopping in the street to look at Bronwen and Olwen. and a little voice. with more traps and carts and . with talk about the boys and Angharad till the tears dropped and she smiled to remember. in the mornings. “There is silly you are. pretending a frost of impatience. and barely half a man. Orders I had in plenty. Olwen was looking at Bron in hope that soon a slackness would come to her steps so that we might look at the shops. For please to tell me what is better to look at than a lovely woman. and make a good cup of tea. for there was an air about Bronwen that shouted a warning to fools. and always in beauty. They are looking because you are a new wonder. and even a little joke will bring a good laugh. to make good furniture and perhaps panelling. but day by day the trouble was coming to be worse. but denying it because she was playing the game of Woman.Olwen. whatever might be coming from his mouth. have a loveliness of their own. and it was a surprise to me. is one without good sense and feeling. “But these looks I can feel. and men having quite as much of the fun when they have the courage to use their eyes. busy with my own job. There is senseless. the meetings were called for a purpose and were orderly. Women love to be looked at. and we knew that she mourned. and I will come from my dinner to see. and thus the shock was greater. to see them playing the game of Woman. later on. and the noise of horses by the hundred. “Dress. you are.” “With gladness. but Bron could put an arm about her and tickle her. for about us were the things of dreams and all of an afternoon was in front of us. an ingrate for the gift of vision. when I told her not to mind the stares. now there were a dozen. Bron was a help at those times. “And would he?” “Trouble then. I was busy in my shop in the back yard from morning till night. and then I saw that she was. even if she had looked back at him. Huw?” Bron asked me. and when I want to. or be thought looking at a woman. I will look when I want to. So between laughter and princeliness I had my day and lived it well. Are you thankful?” “No. never mind who.

with gold flowing easily between them. and I was sick in my heart. with the sun strong about us and stalls very tidy and full of good things. and Olwen looking so sour to make miracles of sweetness out of little green apples. Then we bought dolls for Ceridwen’s little girls and a boat and an engine for the boys. as with nails of honey. Huw.” I said. leaving behind me the noise of them until the bulk of the slag heap shut it . cold with freshness to make the smell keener and so drive it deeper into the head. and a few good dips into both of them myself. with reds and yellows and blues and purples and whites with a slenderness of green in among them. A stranger was talking about capital and labour with the names of Marx and Hegel thrown in as candied peel is put in a cake. “Come you. Wonder there is any left in the Valley. “A couple of testaments. now they must wish. girl. Red revolution and anarchy was what the speaker wanted. and Olwen was even humming. Out we went with arms full of flowers. two pairs of solid boots for the boys and a hand-worked apron for my mother. but there was too much noise about me to hear all he said. straight. At last we had ease of eyes when we reached the arcades and went in to the lighted quietness of those winding streets of glass. A book to read. “Talking. Marx was made to sound like a newly risen Christ and Mr. and they have no pleasure of expectation or prettiness of wish. So I walked home in the darkness. and short in breath with buying. too. There is strange to walk in a town. and toffee and flannels and leather and cheeses. I had splendid minutes in a bookshop while Bron and Olwen were buying presents in the shops for women.” I said and I went down to the meeting. endless as the waters of Jordan. I mean. now. O. under an arch of glass.” So I bought Ivanhoe and Treasure Island. “Something to make them shout to have. just before the rise that led into the Valley.” Bron said. of mint and cabbage and celery. and without spirit to make the effort. Mr. but Bron came in and took me by the arm. and thus they suffer in their minds. with her mouth screwed up on one side. and both my pockets crammed with toffee. too. firm in the hand. but their pockets are empty. I listened to him for minutes. and my heart could not have known more lightness.” Bron said. they could not have had more happiness in their eyes. in a voice to bring snow. full of thanks to the man who thought of them. and Thomas clicked his tongue with impatience. good God. for its fatness holds rich promise. for the shop was full of them. but if they had spent a million sovereigns. for the book-seller was looking at me as though I owed him money.” I said. Hegel as a John the Baptist. now then. and Olwen was having a coat.” he said. and coming closer. “They have got testaments to spare. and too little time in a round of the clock to sit by themselves.” But when we had drunk a cup of tea she felt better. and voices coming happily from hundreds in a deep sighing sound that echoed in warmth. and high. If I had found in myself the voice of a bull I could not have made myself heard. with us. and when Thomas met us. with a couple of bolts of flannel. Long. and wishes denied soon turn to a lust that shows itself in the face. “An outing for me. Good things are heaped in the windows all round them. now?” I asked him. we saw hundreds of lamps. Let us find another bookshop and I will go to live in it. and everybody equal. “And two out here to march up and down while you are rubbing your old nose up and down pages. standing brave in buckets and boxes. and cured bacon and hams. and happy to be there.” “Have it yourself.” “Let us buy a couple of books for the boys. “I will hear what is being said.” I said.” “What. Down at the turn in the road. A couple of good books. until Bronwen started to tap her foot. and trying to pull me back. There is gladdening to see many kinds of flowers in long lines. is it?” Bron asked me. and flowers. still. and a set of jelly moulds for Bron. and parcels of cheeses and a black ham.” Bron said. and we sang all the way back home. and saucepans in copper for my mother. day after day. Something is strange in the faces of people who live all their lives in a town. Thomas. “I will get down. and think. “Better for you to come home. I waited outside a woman’s shop while Bron was fitting herself with a dress.” “Stop the trap. he sang.” I said. there is lovely to feel a book. a good little man with loose teeth and plenty to say. Too much to see. but when they came out they were stiff with parcels. and a lovely smell made of many smells. ready for all to gather by the capful.” he said. and all of it sense. and surprised. I would willingly have stayed there till the bolts were itching to be shot. for the men were arguing among themselves and in places there were fights. wide.” she said. after a serious talk with the bookseller. for where they would own. “They have been grinding their tongues since this afternoon. “They are coming out. Something worth taking back from Town. and paraffin oil. again. “Go on. Would they thank me behind my back for a testament?” “A little Prayer Book and hymn book in a case. and the world was good when we went in the market.” “No trouble.carriages than we had ever seen in all our lives before. with a red flag to fly over all. and our faces paining with big lumps that tasted lovely. to put the nose into a bucket full of red roses. or I would have been off the earth and drinking the skies. with her mouth tight. and you are hot inside to think of good hours to come. We were loaded like packmen ready for months in the mountains when we went to the station. Books. “there is pretty. a good book. quick. and the shops will be shut in only another minute. “Old books. and too much noise for peace. and pulled me gently to the door. For their lives are full of the clock and their eyes are blind with seeing so many wonders.

” I said. though I tried hard not to show it. now?” my father asked me. Somewhere beyond the steadfast ranks. I was in a heat of worry to know what to do. “Revolution. and know the sound of their speech.” “O. reaching nearly to the ribbons and flowers that hung from the banner tops.” my mother said. and waters returned to the river. to go to her and kiss her. or let them go in the company of foreigners. to knock that light from her eyes and softness from her mouth. For minutes. with Glory to the Eternal Father. and went quickly to light the candles. and I had strength and wit to wish that I could go closer to see their faces. and her eyes were with light. and hear their voices. hearing only the north-east wind busy with his comb in the grass. with slag rising up behind me. and smiling more than I had seen in months. and I thought I could still hear the Voice behind the voice of the wind. Mama.” she said. “Did you have trouble?” “No. to keep the faith. to our house. and a roughness of stone under foot where years ago the trout had come to wait for flies. set with a garnet. boy. whether to go back there and speak to them. but I still could hear the voices on the mountain. but I knew she was quiet because of tears. “Let us have peace from them for one night. They passed from me and I was coming to stand in the darkness again. “Is there something the matter. and the banners were held in the arms of the winds to show the crimson dragons. and looked nothing. with impatience. And again the key turned in the door. and up. and steel heels clashed together.” I said.” my mother said. and the mountain was of silver. “they will be tired of it. to be of good cheer. and my eyes came to be wide. The glittering multitudes were singing most mightily. and not enough sense among them all to turn a tap. and at the head. I stood in the kitchen while she went upstairs with no good night for me. “O. but there was nothing in me to answer her. All about the mountain-top was a sparkling of unsheathed steel. without heed of wounds. a trumpet sang a rich male song. and sight was pinned to a place in the night. A drum spoke up in a single flourish and the banners began to move.out. I was dull with wonder and drowned in a dream. The sky became a sudden gold. and then supper. and for only once in my life I was grateful to slag. that a host of men were standing there looking into the Valley. A brooch. about the Cross and Crown.” my father said. all that brings death to the Spirit.” But I had seen too much that night. and to fight. wrong thing again. Gruffydd. Revolution. but she knew. The Men of the Valley were marching again. had all been forgotten in a crazyness of thought that made more of the notions of foreigners than the principles of Our Fathers.” “Leave it.” I said. so I had said the wrong. so the little things we had bought that made my mother smile for pleasure were nothing to me. looking up at the blackness of the mountain. and hands were clasped on the hilts of swords that pointed into the ground. Next morning men were running up the Hill to shout that they were out on strike in the next valley. with a hand on my arm. triumphant. . with a loftiness of fear. and I saw. and I knew. shining about their helmets. Amen. that Death is only an end to the things that are made of clay. and lifted my cap to the house with the sea-shell porch. “Thank you. as though on purpose. Trumpets sang again and drum-beats carried the marching feet across the golden sky. and a golden dust was rising from the marching ranks. and armour was shining on head and breast. burning as in a fire. Mama. a throng of steel was bright. the anthem rose. “Only what I heard at the meeting. for ever.” I said. and I sat in quiet to listen. and beg forgiveness for a thoughtless fool. and a thousand banners were raised as one. but he said nothing. and my heart was in blood to hear a Voice that I knew. I gave Bron her present in a box when we were back home. I stood still in the cool quiet. “There is a time you have been. “What. for her best silk had always been Ivor’s favourite. I went slowly up the road to the village. on a lover’s knot of gold. to bring down to me the sound of a noble hymn that was heavy with the perfume of Time That Has Gone. in some deep place within. will you? Come and look at the beautiful presents. but it was greater pain to know that my brothers and Mr.” she said. and my eyes were heavy and filled with the sands of staring. Loud. Down by the dead river I was. but fear soon went in a bright tiredness of feeling. “I wonder what would the boys say if they could hear. and worse. slower still. to have a lesson. It was pain to me that men could be so blind. My mother gave my father little looks all the time we were having breakfast. I stood there. for the Voice seemed to have taken my strength. indeed. and swords went up in a burnish of flame. and lines came swift to her face. and I saw that her mouth was soft for me. my little one?” she asked me. that in the royal music was a prayer to lift up my spirit. and blowing through the stem of his pipe. and in my mind I cursed myself. and colours were gay on shields. and the river ran free and wide as a sea in a brilliance of precious stones. My Fathers were singing up there. and the brave ones of early days. “I will put it on your best silk. Then all the winds of Heaven ran to join hands and bend a shoulder.

They saw its uselessness. Too many are at it with no notion why.Bronwen had gone early to Tyn-y-Coed with Olwen to give the house a polish. Those who are not can be accused of cowardice. at the last.” . and wishing to have him close to my fist.” My father came back that night. and such a lovely smile. I will rest my tongue until I am asked. They warned them enough not to strike. “What now?” my mother said. and for them. and most of them are like sheep for the slaughter. as I have seen it these years past. Dada. I will pray to be near. “As to the second. They are drunk with unreason. and pinned the brooch on the inside of her apron.” he said. without a blink. “Huw.” she said. or till the time is ripe to do a bit of good. and I sawed a plank that was eight feet long without a single rest. and then some fighting talk. then.” “They said we would be stopped going near Tyn-y-Coed again. “Out. Olwen came to me running. and looked at me greyly in the eye. “Nasty things. again.” I said. “a bit of flattery. only a cup of tea. and a kiss. “surely this is the time for us to go out and speak to them?” My father put his hand steady on my shoulder. Leave them.” “About the first. and a pinning. “your good brothers are from home only through speaking to them.” “Well. That afternoon.” I said. “They have had lesson after lesson. I knew them. Speaking to them now is a waste of breath. we will see. or of knuckling to the owners. “No use to talk. You know them. They were going to have the clothes off us. No words.” my father said.” my father said. they said. “I will show you a good way to-morrow. and loved them.” “How are the men such fools?” I asked him. and off.” “You will have to go over the mountain. and angry to think some lout had made them unhappy. so good I felt.” “A few words of the right sort. and was sorry to the heart for them. but before she left I had made her a cup of tea. They made fun of me and Bron because of Iestyn.” I said.” she said. with tears dried on her face. “Sit down and wait. “the strikers in the other valley are marching round the mountain. and on his face a blankness of spirit. “My son.” Yes. “Nothing to be done.” he said. a couple of words to have sympathy.

” I said. Only me and the boy down there if we had stayed. then? With beer to cool them down there.” he said. where you are standing. waiting for words to come. and no trouble to anybody.” I said.” “Is he somebody. Dai was in bad spirits and so was Cyfartha. Cyfartha?” “O. with a shortness of breath and a face full of bad news. Bloody English soldiers. and very solemn. “Put my mouth to a barrel I will. and his asthma having him sore. me and you to do a bit of watching to-morrow night. by God. my little one.” Cyfartha said.” “Pleasure it will be. and the owners sitting fat to laugh at us all for fools. indeed to Christ. Some of them were careless in their language to them and they were frightened they would put hands on them because of Iestyn.” Cyfartha said. mouth loose. “I would see them in hell’s good blazing before to take orders from them. “but damn me everlasting. Cyfartha?” “I will hold him gentle by the tail for you to hit. “I think. and not a pennypiece in payment: “Well. here. “but think for yourself. “in case to have a bit of trouble. eh. “a good one. Dai.” Dai said.” Dai said. Huw. and water to the eyes. and the horses idle?” “I have told you. “instead of these who think with heads of parsley. through the drink.” Cyfartha said. no. Pounds and pounds we have lost through strikes.” “The sportsmen. Only tell me. now then? Huw. and some for ballots on places. to make them sink a shaft to pull him out of the mountain.” Dai said.” James Rowlands came in. Dai. my little one. “Well. and back to me. Eh.” Cyfartha said. not one halfpenny. And every pull a different one. and some for a price on cutting stone. Cyfartha?” “Trouble. eh.” Dai said. they all came up.” he said. “Home Secretary. too. But English soldiers. Shocking. I will hit his teeth to mix with his brains. mouth shut. see. with you?” “Solid as the house. “Shall we have a little walk over the mountain tomorrow. when they were both serving soldiers of the West Riding Regiment and some Munster Fusiliers with all the beer they could drink. what are we coming to. “Eyes or no eyes. “The cattle. Cyfartha?” “No. and his fists coming open and shut.” Cyfartha said.” Cyfartha said. pull. my little one.” Cyfartha said. Dai. and I would show a couple of them. To hell with the English soldiers.Chapter Forty-One I WENT DOWN TO THE VILLAGE that night to the Three Bells. “By God. and I will hit him. That is the best for me. Do any of them know what they are out for? Some for a price on the five-foot seam. I am. with whispers. and red coming all over his head. and send Welsh?” James Rowlands asked him. and me not there to have the pleasure. now. to make the eyes run.” Dai said. he will come out the other side and walk home. “in London. then?” Dai said.” “I am ready to pole-axe a couple. “Are you afraid of trouble?” Dai looked round the bar. “Mr. Dai. I suppose?” “Would they be fools. But could I stay on my own to cut coal and nobody to push the trams.” “If they would listen to your good father. Cyfartha?” “Too tired for talking.” Dai said.” Dai looked at me. is it?” . Instead to have it solid on the table among them all. “English soldiers. what gain? Nothing. Cyfartha had come out with his shift. Everybody pull. To hell with them.” I said. for the love of God. “The only fools here. Cyfartha?” “Not too far. as wise as before. you are. “Only please to let me see one eye too many on them. Eh. Huw?” “Yes. “If I will catch one to open his mouth to say so. for a strike meant a stoppage of trade and a piling of debt. “I will be in it. with quiet. “They have sworn to flood the pits this time. pull. Only to have my bloody eyes right. first. I am sorry. “are us. But sly. Nobody do know where the orders are coming from. with you?” Dai said. and then looking into the glass.” James Rowlands said. Ears open. “Your good sisters?” he said. indeed. then. and having his pint from Cyfartha very grateful.” “Stay till you rot. “If you will hit him a bit harder. these are. “Are the shutters right.” James Rowlands said. Dai. eh. “I am sorry.” Dai said. eh. with bubbles in his voice. and if you come to know. to hell. I would give them red flags. Dai. Eh. What gain. yes. I tell you.” Dai said. Dai. tell me.” Cyfartha said. my little one. Only a couple of days later. they are. dear Jesus. Winston Churchill is sending soldiers up here. and Cyfartha and a few good boys a few yards behind. “Soldiers. indeed. “Red flags. in sorrow. and then put his head to my ear. and sleep drunk for a couple of days. Cyfartha?” “There is cruel you are. Cyfartha?” “To hell. but only in talk.” I said to Dai. “We will go to Tyn-y-Coed to meet my sisters. then. and hit his fist on the bar counter with force to crack planks. Eh. and shameful to soak in the sawdust. “Who the hell is he.” Dai said.” Dai said. Huw. I heard it in the bar. see. and a swallow of beer as though to wash away his sins. to fit shutters over the windows. and he had been having both edges of Dai’s tongue since he put foot over the step. then. and his eyes went wide from me to Cyfartha. “And I will hit him to leave the tail in your hand. please to tell me.

afraid to go home in case the men set about him for a blackleg. with Cyfartha’s straightness beside him. and trying to pick up the broken bits.” Cyfartha said. and stones were hitting like hail against the walls of the power house. and swearing very tidy about coming here. nothing more than shouting was going on. was an enemy. my little one. quiet.” So Cyfartha and a couple of us lifted a shout to Iorweth and the door opened a crack to show his face behind the lantern. “Right. outside there. and looked out on the crowd. and all their faces white in the light of flares. Glass was smashed in the windows of the offices. so I was off. and the mare coming at him stretch-neck. indeed. The men were coming back from a meeting and I was up on the banking waiting for my father.” said Dai. the fools?” Dai said. Cyfartha?” “Come you. Cyfartha. and all of us. eh. No harm in them. “Give them a shout in the windinghouse. and Sami fell. . His time will come. “Glad I will be. they are. well fed. and young men in front with armfuls of stones. who seemed to be giving the orders. War. I will ask did He laugh. more than a thousand men attacked the colliery to have the blood of the police in the boiler-house. There were strangers among them. And almost under her forelegs another bottle burst. sleeping there.” Cyfartha said. and the policeman raised his stick and brought it down on Sami’s head with the sound of a spoon on a boiled egg. and you shall come home with us in peace. and a poor living indeed. ownerless. and given free to them. and at last we were in. They came in the light only when they were a few yards from the group.” Off down to the pit-top we went. Dai. by God. we called the half-wit. and I saw a policeman galloping his mare and shouting to the men to make way. and she reared. with his hand on my shoulder. Shouting they were.” “Good. Some of them ran up the banking in fear of the mare’s hoofs. with silver buttons. “No trouble from these down here. see. and given to us free. hand in hand. a scream from him. Big windows of many small panes they were. not to have a stone in the eye. she was hard put to know her son that night. like the good Dr. “I see him. Cyfartha?” “Educated they are. Then we will have him. Old Sami Canal Water was running from one side of the street to the other. quick. with baton charges. “There he is. although the men were in the streets all day. and saying worse than the men. from that day on. telling of the thousands wasting the rich moments of their lives. is it?” “Thank you. about twenty of us. Cyfartha.“O. If ever I will have the privilege to meet God the Father face to face. The crowd stretched up the banking toward the village. quick. “Good boys. and out they went. screaming in fear. packed tight.” Dai said. “Take my arm and let go when I am near to him. and then it will hurt all the more. and off with jacket and cap. and nothing extra for a black eye. to have light for the engineers busy on the big wheel. Anything in blue. and round the back. with the earth offering them an abundance just beneath their feet. carefully. and fights between pickets and blacklegs. away from the road where all the men were shouting. “Call the boys. Old Sami Canal Water.” Cyfartha said. and jumped down. “Me and you. but they owed nobody and kept from the rates. with only the whites of his eyes showing. That night. Dai. when He saw and heard what we were doing down here. Iorweth had been in the winding-house with his shift mates for days.” Iorweth said. too tired to smile. but those further away started to shout and some of them lined up to stop him. well. Iorweth. lost. But in our Valley. I think that perhaps no bad trouble would have come close to us if a policeman had not taken it upon himself in his sweetness of dignity to hit a half-wit with his stick. “What will they gain. Go you. and I will sleep in your house. and I could hear somebody calling to put the pumps from work and flood the pit. and when the crowd saw them. and fat. to see who could smash most panes. or did He cry. Johnson. I am in shivers to think of the Day. and with each burst. That policeman. who knew Sami. so we had more shouting to do. But if he had a mother.” Dai said. was no stranger. doing a lot of talking. with a concern that runs itself. Dai.” he said. they all cheered. “Only me and you. and beating his hands together. in pitch darkness. The Day of Reckoning. throwing for bets. and coming a bit red. my little one. eh. Or perhaps. and the bottles falling from his basket to burst white and splashing in the road. But they were not all our men. Well.” In all the other valleys there was trouble and to spare. all along the walls in the main street. “only to see the happy little man with most to say. “We want a look through a window. squat bandiness of Dai. They are only having a few pence a day pay.” Cyfartha said. but he saw there were many of us and shut it again. clawing at her. too. to find Dai and Cyfartha. because his mother made ginger beer that he sold at the pit-tops.” He was pointing to a small group.” So up we went to the windows. with a man in a bowler hat in the middle. and his mare was behind the Three Bells for weeks after. Wonder to me He has never put a fist through the clouds to squash us flat. Again the mark of shoulders rubbing in idleness was coming plain to be seen. Couple of officers up in the front room. standing away from the crowd. for not one of them could mistake the broad. He went over the bank.

The quick. out the next. “Morgan or not. all by herself. and closed her mouth to tight roundness that was of Eve. not with lust. and those strictures were tight round me. and sound.” “Are you men unionists?” the manager asked us. “Trouble?” I said. arms flying apart. without words. “Well. and her mouth open to ask a question. “What now?” I asked her. and then. and men crowding about to see what harm had been done. and surprised even in his tiredness. “Good God.” Cyfartha said. but with the joy of one returning to a lost one. and taste. that was busy about us with mischief. faces white one moment. then?” For her womanness is a blessing about her.” “Iorweth back home.” she said. And please to say thank you to Mama for breakfast. I heard him swearing. where is the harm to love any woman who looks as Bron looked.” And up the Hill she went. “he will have to wait. “No getting in trouble. we saw Bron. “Who is for home. and the houses coming sharp with morning light. So I felt for Bronwen. you. There is a wholeness about a woman. “A mongrel. bent under a basket. every little bit.” she said.” she said. a quietness that is her. and colour. Dai. and a wave. The manager was in the boiler-house.” I said. of shape. “Well. with the cold to put a redness of flowers in her cheeks and her eyes with dear blueness soft for me. and smell. and up at the Hill again. with some policemen playing cards. and then. “a woman I will thank God to have met. and standing with her arm about me. “Come from there. and having it cheerful with bacon and eggs. from the poking fingers of the south-east wind.” I said.” I said. is it?” So to the street I went.” she said. . “go home. straight.” “Come you. “And you coming down here alone? Stay in the house. with a clean. Lovely was Bronwen that morning. and keep Olwen and the boys in. But there is a binding and trying in the mind and conscience.” Dai said.” “Are you coming home.” “Good-bye.” I said. and calling my name. quick step without a scrape of the heel. and the swinging swiftness of Cyfartha beside him.” “Right. At six o’clock in the morning.” and went. “Well. flat. “Morgan.” I said. and left Cyfartha and a couple of us. and the air coming to smile about her. “If old Malachi Edwards wants his chairs. “Only good-bye. Huw?” Bronwen asked me. and no sound coming to us because of the crowd. a little girl having orders for behaviour at a Sunday School treat. my sweetheart. and making a clerk’s job of it. soft. now. The crowd is with madness. And she half turned away. “Come with me to the street. upward passage of Dai’s white forearms. hurrying across the pit-top. and then smiled a big. and tearful. now then.” she said. and pulled a slice from one of them.Straight to the group they went. I will be here till the finish. that you will want to hold tightly to you.” “Yes. to-night. big smile to thaw the frost right down the Valley. and Cyfartha watching. now. “Look.” Dai said. and at me with a bit of a smile. the men went on the ground. Then the two of them walked back with their hands in their pockets with a pile on the ground behind them. all. with his mouth full of the breakfast she had brought. O. if not. coming in.” Iorweth said. for jealousy for the things that escape the clumsiness of your arms. and turned to me again as though I had spoken and her eyes with darker colours of blue.” Dai said.” “I am grateful. and halfway up a turn to me. the flash of his fists. “Nothing.” she said. but I never told her. and seeming to be heavy with a happy concern for me. tired too. “will we go across and help with the fires? The pumps will stop.” Cyfartha said. “Good. “That one in the bowler. but the village was without workmen. So you feel when you love.” he said.” she said. empty. when we had stood for a minute. but too far away to hit us. now then. and you are tender to put hands upon her and kiss. One after another. and smiling. and you have rest. “Yes. We looked deep at one another again.” Cyfartha said. “remember what I said about coming out of the house. in the heat of the boiler-house. and her looking up the street. and over to the boiler-house we went. “No home. but then she smiled her smile that was not a smile. to make me dumb and keep me still. “When the reliefs come. and a couple of his clerks ready to cry with tiredness.” “But the boilers will be giving steam to-morrow. Bron.” “Yes. too. with the policemen playing cards. keeping you from lifting as much as a finger.” I said.” he said. in peace. “Into your coat and ready for home. O. then?” “We will see. with frost coming to shine in the light. “Good-bye. trying to stoke the fires. and me trying to think of something to say. flat in the back. but when the crowd saw us going they threw stones again. indeed to God.” I said. A couple of us will stay on here.

and the afternoon went dark for evening. by gangs of boys.Chapter Forty-Two CYFARTHA looked kindly at me when I went back.” “Two of us to fight. and swearing coming high. But the ponies knew the way to the cages.” he said. to find matches and light up again. I wish I had taken more notice.” He was over by the gauges. Blind they were. and the police were waking. so I forgot. for darkness was friendly to them. “hungry and thirsty.” Cyfartha said. and in the meantime.” “Cyfartha. A good one that. and ready to hit. “I will ask the cattle for help. Over to the pit-top we went. and when I had twenty. “I will have the cage up the top. and you must live in front of it to know the sadness of it. throwing. “Huw. as with dogs. ready to sit down at a party. and men were worrying about such matters as wives and children. and honest men were stopped from doing what they had a mind to do. and stones coming to breathe past me. “the horses.” “Good God. but he wanted to be sure. Like children. and the police walked about in fifties. “They are nearly all up in the other pits. to tell of water in the pit. “Listen. and having it stiff wherever they showed their heads. but the ponies were so full with joy that they pushed against us with their noses. ready. then.” “Howell has been trying to have a truce to bring them all to the surface. “Nobody is troubling for us. “come you here.” But. Cattle. Eh. Who will come to help?” “Let them stay. you are. My father was going from one pit to another in the district to inspect underground and taking his life as a gift to do it for men were ready to kill anybody going to work for the owners. Out we went with firebars and slices. the soldiers marched up and down in handfuls. and to expect him to come up our shaft after a walk right the way through underground. my father was underground. if you had seen the little horses when they saw us. with rats and flood-water. then. the owners would do nothing. and he looked a bit strange. and it was deep. to be herded. and windows were smashed and shops were looted. with his piece of waste to his mouth. We heard nothing from him all day. All the lights were out down there. they were. and leaders on both sides were arguing and being offended. I knew my father had gone down the pit that had been Iestyn’s. they are. and with just as much noise. and down in the cage. cage after cage of them. as though he had said the wrong word. and so put our candles out. “Well?” I said. looking up at the glass. shouting. “forgotten them. “There is a fool of a girl. the cattle had a voice of pity. and were still unable to use their minds. and rubbed their necks. Day after day we were in the pump-room. but they knew that the mountain had only kindness for them and nothing for them to trip on or trap to bring them low.” I said.” Cyfartha said.” Cyfartha said. If I had met her young. the horses?” I asked her. The pumps were keeping the water down as far as we knew. who had been given eight years of free education.” I shouted to them.” “What. so down I came quick.” I said.” I said. Olwen was trying to fight her way through to us. boy. fair play. and ran to the door to unlock it. Dada has just come home from a meeting to tell us. .” “And my father. and darkness for companions. Then men began to come forward. Well. I would have hit you to hell out of it. “wherever he is.” “Good. for the gauges showed normal. So. and still nothing. and with hands on her to tear her cloak and grip her hair. and candles were all we had. for he had told me he was going that morning. “Breakfast for the gentleman. and more than the pumps could send out. and up we went. and see them run. I had. with tears thick. but not here. and lines in his face. the Government did nothing.” she said. They were outside all day. with reliefs. then. for the leaders could do nothing. The black was rising.” Out I went to the crowd. If you had seen those ponies running when we let them loose. and looked at the level. But the fires wanted notice. If only we could all have been as happy. and into the cattle. from gate to gate. and Dai coming at night. “the ponies are down there and nobody to give them comfort. One afternoon we heard a bigger shout outside. “my brother and me. Every hour the crowd got more dangerous.” “Yes.” she said. I had enough. while the cattle were shouting and throwing. “I am going down.” he said.” she was crying. “There is fouling down there. with a couple on the ground to have a lesson. and my father bringing food to us in the morning. “The horses. with his eyes sharp for danger to the livelihood of men.” somebody shouted. “They are down there in the stables. dear.” he said. like cats. and all shouting to be going on top to grass.” I said.

“Go to your father. and went from the house. too. Mama. and while the crowd was busy with them. “Mama.” “Your Dada has been gone since this morning. “She went with Olwen. And she was sitting in darkness. Huw.” I said. and knew that she meant my father and was in terror for him. “I am going up to the house to see my mother. I have. “Is there news of your good father yet?” “No. “a health.” I said. now just. but seldom of the comfort of our mothers. and Dai seemed to have drunk only tea. sharp with creases from the cupboard shelves. Drink with love.” “No.” I said.” Cyfartha said. “are you here?” “Where else. here. now.” she said. in my father’s chair. Dai. this afternoon. Of all other things we think. and that was wrong. half-way through our back. and her voice was like her mouth.” “But he was coming up through our shaft. but not with tears. “Any volunteers to go down?” But the men who wanted to come were afraid in case they were beaten in the streets later. “Will you have to eat. “Yes. and he smiled at me. with stones falling.” “They should never have left the house. a pity that was a century of fire passed through me to feel her littleness. and the rest of us using picks and shovels to have a clear way. I went back to the boiler-house. I ran down the banking to the river bed and up as far as the village. To two good ones underground. “No.” she said.” I said to them. and with a certainty of utterance that silenced me. Perhaps Cyfartha has met trouble.” she said.” “Right. “If the strike ends to-morrow you will have weeks of waiting while they take water from the levels. but only by messages in other mouths. and Ivor came. Fire-light was red on our curtains in the back. is it? You are in darkness and frightened. “Ivor. more going without. with police making a baton charge from the boiler-house to keep the crowd from us.” I said.” The plates on the dresser laughed in the fire-light and the wind put his lips to the chimney-pot and blew a little tune.” I said. and kissed her. and we shook hands. at the back of the Three Bells.” “My respects to your good mother. Nothing could be done with them. . “Come you. “and we will cut your throat and send your guts to Churchill. and a move forward.” somebody shouted. and got up. and in through the side door.” “Leave me.“Perhaps he came up the other end. then?” she asked me. and tight for him. The crowd was too big down the bottom. “You have worried too much. “Do I know my own son?” my mother asked me. and I could hear him shouting half-way up the Hill.” More shouting from the crowd.” I said. with quiet.” I said.” my mother said. “I was in the wash-house peeling potatoes. to take dry clothes for him. for the engine should have been inside long before. and staring wide in the fire. and I thought with shame of the days I had been in the boiler-house with not a word to her. Mama. “The pit is flooding.” he said. So I waited until police reliefs came. Dai was with the boys all in their working clothes and Dai’s cleaner than any. and ran down the Hill to the Three Bells. I knew that my mother would be worrying up at home. and to think of the men and women who had taken life from out of her. more idleness. I saw. though in her voice was a slow carelessness that she had put there to try and assure herself and blind me. My mother looked at me and tried to smile.” I said.” he said.” I said. and a cup of tea. “I am going down now to see. “It was something for them to do. and went on playing patience. for she had made no move before to ask. Mama. and Gareth’s wooden engine was hiding its colours in the evening by the back door. Huw. but Bron’s kitchen was dark. You know a loneliness and a quiet at such times.” “O?” he said. from my father’s chair by the fire. and my jaws were tight with fear for her and for myself. and I smiled at him. They all had a glass and Dai gave me one that was three fingers deep with brandy. is it? I will have a couple of the boys here. More waiting.” I said.” We drank. and the wash-house full of smells for supper. “only come up for a kiss. then over to the crowd that was waiting for police to show themselves. “Is Bronwen out?” “She is down at Iestyn’s pit. and Bron singing in the kitchen. “no more thinking like this. But I knew when I kissed her. “I wonder what has come to your Dada?” she said. but not in the voice that I knew. “You are cutting your own throats. no smoke was coming from the chimney. “Cyfartha has gone down by himself to see if there is flooding.” I said. and I went to the winding-house to tell Iorweth to lower the cage.” “Right. Mama. but her face was slack with weakness. but I was still coughing when we were down among the crowd at the pit-top. “So you are sitting in the dark to wait.” “Yes. “Mama.” “Come closer. quick.” I said. and her mouth kept pulling in jerks that were ugly. or had their homes wrecked while they were down. A light.” she said. Over to the cage we went. and I never heard her sterner. That was strange. Come you. and fisting with his right. “and call in here on the way back. with Dai holding my arm. “He was too long underground. “Is he with you?” “No. “so they went to Iestyn’s pit in case he came back up there. and then she was crying.” I said. and nodded his head. “Give me an hour. and O.” I said.” I shouted to them.” she said. and felt her shaking. my little one?” she asked me. “Dai. and I put an arm about her.” The kitchen went black about me.

who had never been in Chapel to pray since a boy. and seeing my mother plain beside me. As we worked we prayed. crying like a woman.” the sergeant said. or dead.” “Up in a stall road. and a dig and a pull and carry and drop. burrowing without a stop.” Dai said. and to the knees later. “Come on. and Dai doing the work of three beside me. We heard Cyfartha’s pick hitting a signal on a rock. until life was only a dig. “They had a good try. a mightiness of threat to any who stayed even to hitch his trews. see. and to know that the waters were beaten.” said Dai. If we went on up the main. We had to smash through that dead weight of stone and clay. and a pull. “into it. and ready for work again. and a carry and drop. “Cyfartha. so filled with dust. knowing that somewhere inside it my father or Cyfartha might be lying hurt. I am thankful.” I said. We had a sign. for we were dying down there. one by one. until our turn came again. “Let us find him. and my mouth dry. three more. and carry it rock by rock and spadeful by spadeful out of our way. it was.” Dai said. “Clear the main.” he said. and then prayed each time we strained to lever a bit of rock that some sign would be given to us that we were near. and mud to the calves. lifeless clay. and water rising fast as we worked downwards. that sent ants crawling up my head. others took our places. Hour after hour we were down there. But we had to work carefully for the roof was soft and with low rumbles to warn us that more would come down on top of us if we put a pick too far or a shovel too high.” “Right. Then we came to the trouble. and a scum of dust thick on the water. for there was only four feet of head room and knowing we must work fast. And Dai. I have got a belly like a sow through sitting to swill in that old bar. Have my eyes and my arms. with water to the chest in places. thank God in His Goodness.“Have anybody come up?” Dai asked the sergeant. then. with candles high. whoever it was. we cursed the heavy. One of the pumps was damaged. If we worked up the stall road they might be dying in the main in front of us. Not a button to meet on my trews. and something to drink. yes. but all the time we were taking rocks away. Everybody stopped work. and we stopped it where it would rest dry. But where is Cyfartha?” “I wonder did he chase the others?” Gomer said. we should never have heard. “here is his coat. into it. and bent. “there is good to be in my clothes. and feeling the rock with his hands. The candles began to go.” he was shouting. “No surprise to me. Dai was thick with mud. There must have been more than a couple. Up in the stall road. dead. You have got the eyes. God. a high whisper of a shout.” “Cyfartha must have caught somebody at it. “No time to finish. and holding on to me until we were in the cage. and when they were dropping. Good. and throwing it down to pull out more rock.” Dai said. air getting colder and stiffening us. using the pick now. To the knees in water. “O God. if only to straighten the shouting back. and nobody able to go near because of its bite.” So into the main we went.” Into it. With fright chewing holes in me. into a black stillness of quiet ice. for the water was up to the waist. I believe God the Father knows how you feel at such a time and sends a sign. and splashing at the rats. “with thanks I am. and toss it behind him. and a crawl back. “and the water-gauge is still rising in there. or the stall road?” Dai said. or stretch the torn palms of the hands. If we had gone on working. Come. In Jesus Christ. for we had worked close to the wall and the coat was in the hole going up to the right. we might be leaving Cyfartha and perhaps my father up in the stall road. The roof had fallen. and in his crouched back. for this gift to me. But Dai Bando was up in front there. careless where it went as long as it was not in front. “is he under this?” “Is my father?” I said. you. And muscle screaming please to rest. and trembling. here.” .” The cage swung gently. and string to keep me tidy round the middle. and jumped. and fell on his knees in the muck.” Dai said. so hot it was. no sound only the sobs of his breath. and the pressure of water had torn away cogs as though made of paper. walking through to the pumps as though chained at the ankles. but the other looked to be sound. and a man went back for more. and the water rising to freeze us about the waist. and with every yard. feeling for rock with his hands. not quite on the bottom level. Cyfartha is the blood of my heart. Props had been weakened.” the engineer said. I went at it with the pick. “No. or dying. see. Amen. and between the prayers. Then Dai shouted. to hear the voice of them. “You will find the rat in the water. When we tired. with a curse for each one. hit his hands together. “O. and his eyes mad through shining black muck. or piling clay and muck. working in darkness. and his mouth in a wide line of hate. but held back because of the danger of a fall to make our work a waste of time. and we started to work on them till the engineers gave a signal up to the surface. stupid hardness of the stone and the thick. and throwing rocks from him as fast as he could have his hands on them. and a crawl back again.

and the stone above us was growling. I crawled beside him. taking my rock with me. behind me. and of triumph. sideways to me. And Dai screamed again. “Stand away now. gently. and prayed for one sweet breath for him. and his mouth wide to the roof to breathe. black. makes us a part of her.” “Back out. for your father. to put my hands with tenderness upon his face. to his hind man. Afraid I was. full length. a few of us are booked to die a second death with fear. bears down. and children dancing in play.” “I am going in.” I said.” I said. for my touch.” he said. might be an extra hurt. and his eyes framed with pink. and I saw that if I moved only one bit. If the Devil rises from the Pit as Dai came from the tunnel. Out of the heading we crawled. and pulled away the stone from under his head. in front of me. with his head on a pillow of rock. “Yes. and rested him in my lap. and his head shook. “Right. I put my candle on a rock. for they were with dirt and cuts. and finding us. and he saw me. “I was after him. and up.” Dai said. “Mind. There is patience in the Earth to allow us to go into her. he was. with sheets and bedclothes of rock to cover him to the neck. for how were all those tons to be moved in a moment. pick and pull and wasting more time getting the rock back. and back. and tried to think what I could do to ease him. “Come on. not good to put before his eyes. Willie.” Gomer said. and saw lanterns. “Mind the roof.” But Dai went on picking and pulling. and bloody near time. And then I found him. pick and pull. and if they were. too. and then opening wide again. and our bellies in blood from stones and black heat that was pain to breathe. in a little chamber of rock. I am proud of you. dry. about us. Black. moveless.” I said. up in the narrow tunnel. Tell him to go to bloody hell. “Back out.” So up I went. and redness ran from his eyes.” I shouted. “I will have Cyfartha from here. “you men can go to the surface. “Cyfartha. and I looked down at him. and all of him shaking with strength that has gone weak. and scraping through the dust. and dig. My father moved his head. and Gomer coming to fall in a faint in the water. and if we put back the flesh we have torn from her and so make good what we have weakened.” Dai said. passing rock and muck behind.” Gomer said. “are you near me?” I hit my pick on stone and listened. with the manager and more of the men behind him. with sharpness. full length. too.” said we all. like an animal.” Cyfartha said. another. and I slid back. quick. and an anger that we should be so cruel to her and so thoughtless of her comfort. with new life. “tell them to send props. with the roof touching our backs. “To hell with the roof. and still. in fear. closing only a little as with weakness. “Go you. and crawled to him.” Dai said. and ugly with work that was senseless. and a man behind. but I knew as I prayed that I asked too much. “Back out. and trying to shovel. He was lying down. “the roof will fall. breath. though with the love of the heart. on a bed of rock. “Dada. I looked Above for help. thick with dust. and good smells in our kitchen. and as far as Dai had gone. she has a soreness. and blood.” “I will crush him in pieces.” I heard them passing the message down. “Cyfartha. “Willie. “and back. the roof would fall in. . he shone wet in the lantern lights. and his eyes closed. And as the blood ran from his mouth and nose. she is content to let us bleed her. and men roaming the streets to lose voice. Only the growling up above. I thought of houses sitting in quiet under the sun. dulled by the tunnel and the heat and footage.” he was screaming. and women cleaning house.” I said. Up against the coal face. and above the Earth. and no heart to say more. in a clearance that the stone had not quite filled.” Willie said.” he said. “Give me the bloody pick. and more rock piled in front again. But when we take. So on I went again. Back out. His eyes were swelling from his head with pain and his mouth was wide. but only just. all of them adding more to my father’s counter-pane. to Willie.” And the manager knew. Dai. with our clay in place of the clay we thoughtlessly have shovelled away. sightless with tears. and leave her weak where we have taken. And in his arms Cyfartha.” “Have you found him?” Willie asked me. But the Earth bore down in mightiness. “I love you as a son. for the pick was driving deep. and smiled. and his tongue standing forth as a stump. “these men are fresh. and his boot soles came close to my face to bruise. and bearing down. flesh of her flesh.” And the pick swung and struck as though he had just started. with him. and then Dai. what more hurt might be done to others.” Dai said. for they were the hands of the Earth that held him. lying full length now. and hurt with tunnels and shafts.” Behind us we heard men coming. “Is my father up there?” I asked him.” Dai screamed. and with lumps of mud stuck to his head and shoulders. too. “God is with us. He saw it. only for him to have a breath. one to another. a sound of terror. and none of us stopped. another weighing. and naked. and Dai went up. and behind him.“Amen. I saw the shining smile in them. then. and voices from behind in the tunnel. So she waits for us.” “I will take Cyfartha to the top. “Up there. and scooping mud.” I said. and the rock came back. He knew there were others in the tunnel. and Willie trying to pull away enough rock to come in beside me.

It is strange that the Mind will forget so much.” My mother sat in the rocking-chair with her hands bound in her apron. and coming to cry. His head trembled. and pressed against me as he made straight the trunk of his spine and called upon his Fathers. and I saw the rocks above him moving. then?” “Yes. though not alone. him. “God could have had him a hundred ways. when I hear the gold of his voice? Are my friends all dead. and the tears still wet on my face and my voice cutting through rocks in my throats for minutes while I tried to say good-bye. moving. my brothers and sisters. burning upon the mountain-top of his Spirit. mind. Gwil. dancing in the street with Davy’s red jersey over his coat. God in heaven. and I saw the splashings of water on his muscled whiteness as he stood in the bath. “I saw him. and her eyes with jewels for me. I will swear.” Well. and unafraid. and my arms hurting with the grip of her fingers? Is Bronwen dead. fighting still. my hand in his. for there I have failed to leave my mark.” Willie said. So I closed his eyes and shut his jaw. then. trying to match his stride as I walked with him up the mountain above us. and coming. in a moment. because he loved me? Is he dead. all of you. again. to his eldest son. and I went from him wordless. and I heard his voice. he is down there now. O. and his bristles were sharp in my cuts. An age of goodness I knew. Johnson is dead. he was. when you live with me as surely as I live myself? Shall we say that good Dr. there is empty.” I said. then I am dead. Gwil. and I can see the water dripping from a crack in the red pot on the end. At least we knew good food. and my lap was filling with his blood. and feeling warmth passing from between my hands. and held him tight to me. . and tears burning white in her eyes. “We can move the rocks now. given by the hand of a Queen. who showed me the truth of the love of woman? Is she dead. indeed. and the Valley of them that have gone. but only a little. indeed. in tears and with blood. Is he dead? For if he is. and yet hold a picture of flowers that have been dead for thirty years and more. but as fresh. and we are dead. indeed. the words were shy to come. there is empty I am without you. And then they settled back. Air rushed from his throat and blew dust from his tongue. for you are still a living truth inside my mind. Huw. the Voice of the Men of the Valley singing a plain amen. and the lamplight on his hands over the seat of the chair as he knelt in prayer at Chapel. he was. to think of my time like this. but sorry for what is outside. in the Palace of a Queen. I remember the flowers that were on our window-sill while my mother was talking that morning. and her beauty dear beside me again. “my Dada is dead. I say no. and in that strange noise I could hear. Is Ceinwen dead. Mama. “is he out. and muscles. and knowing nothing of it. and as near as Now. Is Mr. and he was still.” “Hard luck. it will be in my box. and. and looked through the open doorway up at the mountain-top. to smoke his pipe in the front room and pat my mother’s hand. when his dear friend Mr. No bitterness is in me. with her face in deep. and good work. Thirty years ago. Good little man. Huw Morgan.” she said. O God. Huw. “but He had to have him like that. and no. my little one. Beautiful.” she said. Sweet love of my heart. I shut my eyes and thought of him at my side. and goodness in men and women. and with sadness to know him gone. and the male shoutings of men? Did my father die under the coal? But. Did you see his little hands? If I set foot in Chapel again. “Hard old bloody luck. “Yes. and laughed without a smile. I am. then. and I was heavy with love for him. and ready to come before the Glory. Gruffydd dead. and I was filled with bitter pride that he was my father.” I said. Yet not gone. whose baton lifted voices in music fit for a Queen to hear. as he had been. and all of you. and badness too. then. who gave me his watch that was all in the world he had. and all of sense a mockery.” I said. for Bronwen was standing there. Easy. Willie. at the picture of a Queen. who proved to me that the strength of woman is stronger than the strength of fists. A beetle under the foot.” “He went easy.” Willie said. How green was my Valley. So how are you dead. and their voices a glory in my ears? No. as from far away. then. my little one. and O. In blood. but more of good than bad. But you have gone now. and I will stand to say no. dull gold from the sun on the drawn blind. Boswell brings him to thunder and thump before your very eyes? Is Socrates dead. who was friend and mentor. but his eyes were yet beacons. and happy inside myself. “O Christ. the heat of his pride. and look.that came from a brightness inside him. that one of rock and flame. that were so beautiful when you were quick with life.

GUIDE TO PRONUNCIATION OF WELSH NAMES GWILYM CERIDWEN ANGHARAD IANTO IESTYN MERDDYN GRUFFYDD CEINWEN CYFARTHA DAI BANDO HWFA PRYSE TWM CYNLAIS MEIRDDYN CLYDACH CEDRIC MARGED RHYS CADWALLADR GWIL—UM KERR—ID—WEN ANG—HAH—RAHD YAN—TOH YES—TIN MERR—THIN GRIFFITH KINE—WEN KUH—VARR—THA DI BAHN—DOH (‘Ah’ short) HIW—VAH PRICE TUM KUNN—LICE MIRE—RR—THIN KLUD—ACH KEDD—RICK MARR—GED REECE KAD—WAL—ADDER The exact pronunciation of Welsh words into English is made possible only by the use of many English words to show each shade of sound. R. I shall be forgiven for simplifying in the barest manner so that the names may have at least some semblance of their true sounds. . L.