Understanding Emotional Needs

I see them in almost every team I work with. They’re not the loudest voices, not the ones chasing the spotlight and yet without them, the whole system starts to wobble. Behavioral scientist Jon Levy calls them glue players - the ones who make a team connected. They’re the social fabric of collaboration: 🧠 high in emotional intelligence, 🤝 putting the team above themselves, ⚙️ quietly doing the small, essential tasks that hold performance together. - They don’t compete for attention. - They sense tension before it escalates. - They make space for voices that would otherwise go unheard. And … they’re often women. What we call “helpfulness,” “empathy,” or “emotional labor” in women is actually the leadership work that keeps teams functional. Yet it’s invisible in most performance reviews. 🏢 If your organization wants to keep their glue players, you need to: 1. Redefine performance to include relational impact. 2. Acknowledge invisible labor: inclusion work, mentorship, emotional holding. 3. Reward connectors, not just achievers. Because when glue players burn out or leave, teams quietly lose their trust, courage, and flow. In my work with leadership teams, I help organizations recognize and nurture exactly these dynamics, building cultures where psychological safety and performance reinforce each other. Because the work we call “soft” is often the hardest and the most valuable work of all. 🤔 P.S.: What would change in organizations if “relational impact” became a formal part of performance evaluation?

What’s your workplace environment like? In my experience leading teams and facilitating collaboration, I prioritize emotional intelligence over intellectual intelligence. This graphic illustrates my perspective well. While working with intelligent individuals is advantageous, it is not enough. Intelligence can solve problems, but humility and kindness create cultures that prevent issues from arising in the first place. Here’s why this distinction matters: Kind and humble individuals: - Facilitate effortless collaboration. There’s no need to defend ideas or egos, allowing teams to build together more quickly, efficiently, and with greater trust. - Create psychological safety. When individuals feel respected, they are more likely to speak up, share innovative ideas, and admit mistakes early. This openness is vital for team innovation and growth. - Inspire long-term loyalty. Employees do not leave companies; they leave toxic dynamics. Collaborating with grounded and genuine teammates helps retain top talent. Ways to practice kindness and humility at work include: - Listening more than speaking. The loudest voice is not always the most impactful. Listening fosters connection and earns respect. - Giving credit generously. Acknowledging the contributions of others enhances trust and energy within the team. - Continuing to learn. Believing you have “arrived” can halt your growth. Maintain curiosity, stay open, and ensure that success does not make you unapproachable. Kind individuals build strong teams, and strong teams drive significant results.

Your best people are slipping through your fingers. And you probably don't even know why. If you don't want to lose brilliant team members, pay attention. They aren't leaving you for more money or a better opportunity. They are leaving because you might be suffocating them. Here's the uncomfortable truth about keeping top talent: 1. Give them agency or watch them leave. Micromanagers, this one's for you. Every time you hover, every time you dictate the 'how', you're creating dependent robots instead of empowered humans. The best people don't want to check their brains at the door. They want to know their decisions matter. 2. Tie their wins to their wallets. Not always cash—sometimes it's time off, public recognition, or just a genuine "that was brilliant." Recognize your top performers or you train them to become indifferent. 3. Tell them what, never how. "I need this to convert at 20%" beats "Use this font, this color, this layout" every single time. The moment you rob them of their process, you rob them of their pride. 4. Growth or goodbye. Top talent has a ceiling allergy. Small team → bigger team → client face time → financial decisions. Show them the ladder or they'll find another building. 5. Treat them like family (the functional kind). Look out for them. Actually care. Not that "we're a family" corporate BS, but genuine "how can I help you win?" energy. Bonus: In interviews, ask: "What would make you stay somewhere for 5 years?" Take notes. And actually follow through. Already missed that chance? Sit down with your best people TODAY. "What gets you excited about coming to work? What would make you never want to leave?" 15 minutes. Could save you months of recruiting. Who's the best person you ever lost? What would you do differently now? Small Business Builders #leadership #talentretention #teambuilding

Customer service can indeed be a challenging role, often leading to frustration for both the service provider and the customer. However, with the right approach and mindset, it can be transformed into a pleasant and genuinely productive experience. Here are some strategies to make that happen: 1. Active Listening: This is crucial. Pay close attention to what the customer is saying, and acknowledge their concerns. This helps in understanding the issue better and also makes the customer feel heard and valued. 2. Empathy and Understanding: Put yourself in the customer’s shoes. Responding with empathy can diffuse tension and build a connection, leading to more constructive interactions. 3. Clear Communication: Use simple, jargon-free language. Clear communication reduces misunderstandings and makes solutions more accessible. 4. Patience: Sometimes, customers might be upset or confused. Exhibiting patience can calm a heated situation and lead to better problem-solving. 5. Positive Attitude: A positive demeanor can set the tone for the entire interaction. Even in challenging situations, a positive approach can lead to more satisfactory outcomes. 6. Knowledge and Resources: Be well-informed about your product or service. This instills confidence in the customer and enables you to provide accurate and helpful information. 7. Feedback Implementation: Take customer feedback seriously. It’s a goldmine for improving service quality and shows customers that their opinions are valued. 8. Follow-up: A follow-up after resolving an issue can leave a lasting positive impression. It shows dedication and commitment to customer satisfaction. By integrating these practices into everyday customer service interactions, not only can the job become more enjoyable, but it also paves the way for building lasting customer relationships and a positive brand image.

“Mr. Postman, take this to heaven for my dad's b-day” “Dear Jase, we succeeded in the delivery of your letter to your dad in heaven” → A functional customer experience delivers → An emotional customer experience lives forever A few years ago, a seven-year-old Jase sent a birthday card “to Dad in Heaven.” ✕ Most companies would have stamped it "undeliverable" ✓ But Royal Mail staff took a different route. They wrote back to assure him the letter had been “delivered safely.” No technology could have scripted that moment. No chatbot, no automation and no AI. It took human empathy to see a child’s grief and respond with care. That single gesture turned a routine service into a lifelong memory. Customers don’t just want smooth transactions. They want to feel seen, respected, and connected. As companies, you have the power to change someone’s life. Not with grand strategies or slogans, but with small, human choices that honour people’s emotions ▶︎ The real loyalty is built when we also connect emotionally, not just functionally. What are the “letters to Heaven” moments in your business? #customerexperience #customerrelationships #empathy

People rarely leave companies. They leave environments where they stop feeling valued. Retention is not a policy. It is an experience employees live every single day. No one resigns because of one difficult meeting or one demanding quarter. They disengage when appreciation fades, growth slows, or trust weakens. This visual beautifully captures what truly makes people stay: 💰 Fair Compensation Compensation is not just salary — it signals dignity and acknowledgement. 🤝 Guidance & Mentorship When leaders invest time in people, loyalty follows naturally. 🎯 Meaningful Challenge Talented professionals want to be stretched, not sidelined. 📈 Visible Growth Path Progression fuels ambition. Stagnation fuels exits. 🗣 Inclusion in Decisions Involvement builds ownership. Ownership builds commitment. ❤️ Recognition Appreciation is oxygen for motivation. 🔐 Trust Autonomy inspires performance far more than control ever can. 💡 Empowerment When people are trusted with responsibility, they rise to it. At its core, retention is not about perks or policies. It is about respect, growth, and trust — practiced consistently. For leaders, this isn’t an annual HR initiative. It’s a daily leadership discipline. #EmployeeRetention #LeadershipMatters #WorkplaceCulture #PeopleFirst #TalentLeadership #EmployeeExperience #OrganisationalGrowth

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

Ever wonder why some companies seem to keep their best people while others watch talent walk out the door, again and again? Here’s what I’ve seen in 25 years of working with leaders around the world: it’s not perks, fancy titles, or trendy mission statements. It’s what people experience every day that makes them stay... or leave. When good people resign, it almost always comes down to this: Lack of Trust When leadership doesn’t trust its people, trust dies both ways. Without trust, there is no team. The Manager People don’t leave companies. They leave managers who don’t coach, don’t care, or don’t grow. Limited Autonomy If you hire smart people and then control every move, don’t be surprised when they leave. Meaningless Work No sense of purpose? No reason to stay. Even the most loyal disengage quietly. Unclear Expectations If people have to guess what’s expected, they’ll never feel confident or committed. Poor Work-Life Balance If people have to choose between their job and their life, they will. And not in your favor. Bureaucracy and Politics When internal politics take priority over progress, great employees check out fast. Closed Company Culture When speaking up feels risky, you get silence. Then turnover. Favoritism & Mediocrity Rewarding the comfortable over the capable sends your top talent straight to competitors. No Recognition & Rewards People aren’t needy, they’re human. Silence sends a message louder than words. Inflexible Working Conditions Today’s workforce expects choice. A rigid system says: “We’re not listening.” No Growth & Career Opportunities High performers want stretch, not stagnation. If there’s no path, they’ll pave one elsewhere. What can companies do to keep their best people? Stop managing retention like a checklist and start leading it as a culture. Develop managers into real people leaders. The kind who coach, challenge, and care. Build environments where people grow, contribute, and belong. Tie business goals to human impact. And above all, listen more deeply than you're comfortable with. Retention isn't about keeping bodies in chairs. It's about keeping hearts and minds connected to your mission. Miss that, and you miss everything. What is your experience? #talent #retention #career #growth #success #leader #leadership #avdh

Have you ever watched your team solve a customer's problem perfectly, only to have that customer still escalate? It's one of the most frustrating experiences in customer service, and I see it happening more often than ever. Here's what I've discovered after two decades of studying these interactions: Customers don't escalate because problems go unsolved. They escalate because their emotions go unaddressed. Think about it - AI now handles the straightforward questions, which means your team is left with calls where the real issue isn't the policy or the fee. It's what those things mean to the customer in that moment. And that meaning is almost always emotional. I've identified four psychological shifts that can change everything: First, customers escalate when experiences feel unfair, not when solutions are wrong. The human brain treats unfairness as a threat. Even if you give customers exactly what they want, they'll still escalate if the process felt dismissive or out of their control. Second, explaining policies actually intensifies emotions. To a distressed customer, policy language sounds like "no, you're stuck, we don't care." It validates their fear that nothing can change, and trapped people escalate. Third, customers calm down when their future becomes predictable. Uncertainty is emotional gasoline. Your team can lower intensity simply by showing what happens next in a clear, confidence-building way. Fourth, angry customers aren't fighting your employee - they're fighting for their dignity. They're protecting their identity as responsible adults who deserve respect. A customer whose dignity feels intact will accept solutions that a belittled customer will reject outright. Today's customer interactions aren't service calls - they're human distress calls. Your employees need psychological skills to navigate what AI cannot touch: the emotional complexity of human beings under stress. The teams that understand this distinction are seeing dramatic decreases in escalations, not because they're solving more problems, but because they're addressing what customers actually need - psychology, clarity, predictability, and dignity. Need more help navigating challenging conversations with customers? Check out my de-escalation training for customer service professionals: https://lnkd.in/gcBtX7ND

I have worked with a CEO who was losing top talent despite hitting all business targets. The diagnosis? All drive, insufficient empathy. People felt like tanks were empty, couldn’t go on anymore. I also coached leaders whose team loved them deeply but consistently missed strategic goals. All empathy, insufficient drive. This pattern reflects what research confirms: exceptional leaders master BOTH empathy and drive - but it's remarkably rare. According to Zenger Folkman's study of 4,000+ leaders: ➤ Drive-focused leaders deliver results but create burnout ➤ Empathy-focused leaders build loyal teams that may miss targets ➤ The elite 15% who master both create sustainable success Here’s the 5 approaches that I developed to balance both: 1️⃣. Weave empathy into your goals by involving your team in planning. They'll feel ownership AND deliver stronger results. 2️⃣. Read each situation carefully. Sometimes your team needs a supportive ear; other times, they need clear direction to cross the finish line. 3️⃣. Ask for honest feedback about how you balance drive and care. Then actually implement changes based on what you hear. 4️⃣. Invest in developing your emotional intelligence alongside your business acumen. The combination is powerful. 5️⃣. Communicate transparently about both goals and challenges. This builds alignment while maintaining genuine connections. Combine these two strengths, and you won’t just lead; you’ll elevate teams beyond what they ever imagined possible. Catherine Catherine Li-Yunxia (Transforming leaders, Moving the world)