How to Apply Stoicism for Emotional Control

My emotional response is often my greatest antagonist. I've used these 4 tools in my own internal battles. Rage → can be more maddening than the thing that angered you.  Hate → can be more poisonous than that that which is hated. Fear → can be more debilitating than that which is feared.  In fact, few problems cause more suffering,  than that which our unattended mind inflicts on us. Apatheia comes from stoicism and is the state of being free  from emotional disturbances or irrational impulses. Breathe  ↳ Emotional agitation will cause shallow breathing.  ↳ Four-count box breaths are my go-to for getting grounded. Mindful detachment  ↳ Feelings aren't facts, and you are not your feelings.  ↳ I observe the emotion without judgment, like a spectator. Acknowledge and Label ↳ Nobody reacts well to being pushed away, including emotions.  ↳ I'll name the emotion for what it is to create some distance. Surrender & Perspective  ↳ Reality is unfolding before me, and fighting it won't help.  ↳ In the grand scheme of things, is this really worth getting so worked up over? BONUS: You can intentionally expose yourself to discomfort or challenges,  that build your tolerance for the inevitable emotional stressors.  Patch that roof before it starts raining, not during the storm.  Because the rain will always come. P.S. One of my favorite questions when getting worked up and acting out is: "Do I have new data, or am I just being emotional?" 

One of the most valuable things I have learned in recent years is the practice of stoicism. For those unfamiliar, stoicism is an ancient philosophy that teaches us to focus on what we can control and let go of what we cannot. It emphasizes wisdom, courage, self-discipline, and justice. The core idea is simple but powerful: your peace of mind depends on your choices, not on the external noise around you. You cannot control other people’s words, opinions, or actions, but you can control your own reactions. This perspective has been transformative for me. In a community of millions of gamers, I see everything: encouragement, criticism, misunderstandings, and sometimes negativity. Stoicism reminds me that criticism online, especially when it is shallow or hostile, is a complete waste of time. It teaches me that the only thing worth spending energy on is having impact, doing what I am supposed to do, and shielding out everything else. In the games industry, where products are constantly under public scrutiny and feedback is loud, stoicism is a powerful tool. It helps you navigate the barrage of outside opinions, filter out what is noise, and focus instead on building something meaningful. Whether it is making a game, writing a post, or leading a team, stoicism centers you on the actions and values you control, not the fleeting judgments of others. It is not instant. It takes time and a lot of focus. But with every week and month, I have grown stronger at it, to the point where almost nothing said in any outlet really even rates attention anymore. Instead of reacting, I stay focused on serving, building, and making impact. If you want to internalize stoicism, here are a few practical ways to start: • Pause before reacting. Ask yourself: is this something I can control? If not, let it go. • Practice gratitude daily. It reinforces perspective and reduces the pull of negativity. • Journal your thoughts. Writing helps separate what matters from what doesn’t. • Read the classics (Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus) and modern interpretations. • Treat criticism as data. Take what is constructive, discard the rest without emotional weight. I recommend stoicism to anyone who wants to read more about it. It is a fascinating way of thinking about life, and for me, it has been nothing short of transformative. You will quickly realize how many things that used to occupy your mind each day, many petty and childish, are a total waste of time and that you could be using those moments to have impact instead.

The hardest part of building a business isn't the work. It's staying steady when everything feels rocky. I've learned that lesson plenty of times over the years. You can have the best strategy and people to execute tasks, but when things feel like they're spiraling out of control (and trust me, they will), what keeps you grounded is having the right mental frameworks. There are a few teachings from Stoicism that have stood the test of time. They've helped me see things differently when everything feels chaotic. If y'all are in that messy part of building (or have felt it before), here are a few Stoic teachings that can help: 1. Dichotomy of Control ↳ Focus your energy on what you can actually do. → Separate what you can control from what you can't. → Set goals based on effort and behavior, not just outcomes. → When things go sideways, go back to the next best action. 2. Lead with Virtue ↳ These core characteristics are your competitive advantage. → Wisdom: Seek the truth and make decisions based on facts. → Justice: Treat people fairly, own your impact, and give credit openly. → Courage: Say the hard thing, make tough calls, and stand by your values. → Temperance: Practice self-control with ego, power, and resources. 3. Amor Fati (Love Your Fate) ↳ Treat every event as raw data, not the final judgment. → When plans change, ask: "What's the best move we can make now?" → Turn setbacks into learning opportunities through debriefs and experiments. → Feel the pain, then focus on the opportunity. 4. Premeditatio Malorum (Prepare for Challenges) ↳ Anticipate obstacles so they don't overwhelm you. → Before big initiatives, run a scenario: "How or why could this fail?" → Spot key risks and build simple solutions for each. → Normalize talking about worst-case scenarios without panic. 5. Sympatheia (We're All Connected) ↳ Lead as part of a larger whole, not the center of it. → Make decisions through a stakeholder lens, not just a personal one. → Practice empathy and understand others' perspectives before acting. → Build a culture of mutual support and shared responsibility. These lessons teach us to focus on what's in front of us,  instead of sinking into a negative spiral. Grounding yourself in reality is what helps you get through the tough moments and make your wins feel even better. Which one of these will y'all try first? P.S. For more advice on building resilient businesses, follow Lise Kuecker. And if y'all want to read more lessons I've gained from building and exiting 6 businesses, sign up for my weekly newsletter, Growth Factor: bit.ly/Growth_Factor 📌 Save this post to look back on. ♻️ Repost to remind other founders to stay grounded.

The Stoic™ A Lyons Method NLP Practice There is something I learned working in emergency medicine at a Level 2 trauma center, and later while volunteering for HAZMAT response. In moments of chaos, the human nervous system searches for one thing: center. When alarms sound, when uncertainty fills the room, when people are afraid—there is always one person who becomes the calm in the storm. That calm is not accidental. It is practiced. In emergency medicine, before we even begin patient care, we are trained in something critical: Scene safety and situational awareness. We are taught to pause, breathe, assess the environment, and orient ourselves before taking action. Because if the responder becomes overwhelmed or reactive, they cannot help anyone. The ancient Stoics understood something very similar: You cannot always control the event, but you can train the state you enter it with. One of the first tools we learn in high-pressure environments is posture and breath. When you align the body, you align the mind. Your nervous system follows your physiology. Today you can begin practicing what I call: The Stoic™ 1. Establish Your Posture Stand or sit upright. Lift the crown of your head slightly as if a thread of light is gently drawing you upward. Let your shoulders relax. Your posture signals stability and safety to your nervous system. 2. Activate Situational Awareness Just like we do on a scene in emergency medicine, take a moment to look around and orient yourself. Notice your environment. Notice your breathing. Notice where you are in space. This simple awareness interrupts emotional reactivity and brings the mind back into the present moment. 3. Find Your Center Point Place your awareness in the center of your chest or just below the sternum. Imagine this as a calm point of gravity within you. Everything returns here. 4. Controlled Breath Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 seconds. Pause for 2 seconds. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds. Longer exhalations signal calm to the nervous system. Repeat 5 times. 5. The Stoic Focus Quietly say to yourself: “I remain steady.” “I remain centered.” “I choose my state.” Notice the shift. What emergency medicine taught me is this: The person who breathes, centers, and observes first leads the moment. You do not need a crisis to practice this. You can practice it today in traffic, in conversation, before making a decision, or when emotions rise. Each time you return to your center point, you are training your nervous system to respond rather than react. Over time, something powerful happens. The world may move fast around you… But inside you remains still, clear, and focused. I have a deep passion for helping people discover these inner resources through NLP and hypnotherapy, guiding others to access their natural strength, courage, and calm. You already possess the lighthouse. This practice simply turns on the light.

I’ve had a tough year. Much of what I planned, hoped for, or looked forward to in my professional life did not happen. In short, 2023-2024 has been a series of setbacks, obstacles, pitfalls, and disappointments.  I turned to the ancient wisdom of Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius to sustain me. His teachings, captured in "Meditations," provide practical strategies for navigating the often turbulent waters of our professional lives. 1. Embrace the Obstacle as the Way "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." - Marcus Aurelius What can I learn from this past year?  Everything that has happened is an opportunity for growth and perspective. 2. Focus on What You Can Control "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius You can't control the job market, how others view you, or those who want you to fail. But you can control your effort, ideals, and attitude. I have to accept that not everyone will like me or agree with me. But I have a larger goal: to contribute to justice in the world; to set an example for those who might follow me; to gain wisdom; to have courage. 3. Practice Emotional Resilience "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." - Marcus Aurelius I need to remember that my reaction to events is within my control.  I also realized that I was evaluating myself entirely by factors out of my control. Why? 4. Maintain Perspective "You are a little soul carrying about a corpse, as Epictetus used to say." - Marcus Aurelius Life is too short to be measured by professional progress, promotions, accolades,etc. And the highs of these achievements are never as high as we imagine they would be. This is what stoics call “memento mori,” or “remember death.”  5. Embrace Continuous Learning "Do not think that what is hard for you to master is humanly impossible; and if it is humanly possible, consider it to be within your reach." - Marcus Aurelius My curiosity and creativity brought me to this place in my career. I shouldn't neglect those traits now.  6. Practice Gratitude "When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." - Marcus Aurelius Practicing gratitude can help maintain a balanced perspective and resilience in the face of hardship. In my life, I have many supporters, mentors, teachers, family, and friends who will pull for me. I only realized who was in my corner when things got rough. This was a revelation to me.  7. Serve a Greater Purpose "What we do now echoes in eternity." - Marcus Aurelius I’m fortunate to have chosen a path on which I have made a difference in peoples’ lives. So, with these lessons, I carry on. Wish me luck! #stoicism #stoiclawyer #professionaldevelopment #personalgrowth

“You triggered me.” That phrase has become common at work. Sometimes it’s valid. Sometimes behavior is truly toxic. But increasingly, we’re labeling ordinary friction as trauma. The pendulum is swinging: From emotional suppression → to emotional hypersensitivity. Neither extreme is virtuous. Let’s zoom out… ————- The Stoic Chain: What Actually Happens The Stoics broke down emotional reactions into three steps: 1️⃣ The Event Something happens. A comment. A tone. A decision. An email. Neutral in itself. 2️⃣ The Impression An automatic internal reaction arises: • “That was disrespectful.” • “I’m being ignored.” • “They don’t value me.” This is fast. Pre-rational. Almost physiological. 3️⃣ The Judgment Here is the critical moment. You agree with the impression or you question it. This is where agency lives. Epictetus’ core insight: “It’s not events that disturb us, but our judgments about them”. Modern language: The trigger isn’t the event. It’s the interpretation. ⸻ The Workplace Today We now have two unhealthy extremes: 🔻 Under-sensitivity • Dismiss emotions • Normalize harshness • Call everything “toughness” • Ignore psychological safety This creates toxicity. 🔺 Over-sensitivity • Treat discomfort as harm • Confuse disagreement with disrespect • Label ordinary feedback as triggering • Externalize responsibility for internal reactions This creates fragility. Both miss virtue. ⸻ What Is Virtue in the Stoic Sense? Stoic virtue rests on four pillars: 1-Wisdom – See clearly before reacting. 2-Justice – Treat others fairly. 3-Courage – Face discomfort without collapse. 4-Self-control – Govern impulses before they govern you. Virtue is not suppression. Virtue is regulation with clarity. It asks: Is my interpretation accurate? Is this truly injustice? Or is this discomfort? Am I reacting — or choosing? ⸻ The Mature Alternative When something “triggers” you: Pause at the impression stage. Ask: What story am I telling myself? What evidence do I have? What would a wise response look like? What would justice require? What would courage look like here? Sometimes the answer is: “That behavior is unacceptable.” Other times it’s: “That’s feedback I didn’t enjoy.” Discerning the difference is wisdom. ⸻ Leadership Implication High-performing cultures are not built on: • Emotional numbness nor on • Emotional fragility They are built on emotional maturity. The ability to: Feel → Reflect → Choose. That is strength. ⸻ A final thought: If every discomfort becomes someone else’s fault, we lose agency. If every emotion is suppressed, we lose humanity. Virtue lives in the middle. Not under-sensitive. Not over-sensitive. But wisely responsive. What do you see more of in today’s workplaces, fragility or suppression? #leadingwithstrategy #leadership #wisdom #stoicism

Be a Better EP Agent 101: Study and Adopt Stoicism as a Lifestyle In my career as an executive protection (EP) agent, staying calm and focused under pressure is crucial. Studying and adopting Stoicism has significantly enhanced my effectiveness and mindset. Here’s how Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca, along Stoic disciplines and virtues, have improved my career Marcus Aurelius Marcus Aurelius taught me to focus on what I can control and let go of what I cannot. This principle is invaluable in high-stress operations, helping me assess situations clearly and act decisively. Epictetus Epictetus emphasized that our reactions matter more than events. Controlling my responses allows me to stay professional regardless of external pressures. In volatile situations, staying composed can defuse tension and prevent escalation. Seneca Seneca’s writings encourage viewing challenges as growth opportunities. Every difficult situation becomes a learning experience, refining my skills and strategies. The 3 Stoic Disciplines 1. Perception: Seeing things clearly helps me remain calm and rational. Accurate threat perception leads to informed decisions and reduced stress. 2. Action: Taking the right actions emphasizes courage, justice, and integrity. This ensures I am proactive and effective. 3. Will: Accepting what happens builds resilience and inner peace. Focusing on what I can control ensures a calm and steady presence. The 4 Stoic Virtues 1. Wisdom: Knowing what’s important helps me make better decisions. Wisdom ensures my actions are well-considered. 2. Courage: Facing fears empowers me to act decisively during threats. Courage is essential for intervening in confrontations. 3. Justice: Treating others fairly builds trust and cooperation. This guides my interactions with clients and colleagues. 4. Temperance: Practicing self-control keeps me balanced. In high-stress scenarios, temperance prevents overreactions. Enhancing Soft Skills Stoic philosophy has improved my soft skills. Justice and fairness enhance my ability to build trust. Wisdom and temperance improve my communication, allowing me to handle conflicts calmly. Enhancing Tactical Skills Stoic principles enhance my tactical skills. Courage and wisdom enable me to face threats confidently and make quick decisions. In high-stress situations, a Stoic mindset ensures focus and clear-headedness. Practical Application of Stoic Mindfulness Stoic mindfulness helps me stay present and attentive in every task. Whether planning routes, conducting risk assessments, or engaging with clients, mindfulness ensures precision and care. Incorporating Stoic philosophy into my daily life goes beyond reading ancient texts; it’s about living these principles. This practice has enhanced my professional performance and led to greater personal fulfillment and peace. By embracing Stoicism and living with wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, I’ve become a better EP agent and a better person.

The Art of Control: Mastering the Uncontrollable Most people spend their lives trying to control things beyond their reach—other people’s opinions, external circumstances, even the outcome of their efforts. The Stoics teach us that this is a recipe for frustration. Instead, true mastery comes from controlling what is within us: ✅ Our thoughts – How we interpret situations ✅ Our actions – How we respond ✅ Our discipline – Sticking to what matters, regardless of external chaos When you stop resisting what’s outside your control and start mastering your mind, habits, and emotions, you unlock an unshakable inner strength. Practical Stoic Exercise for Today: When faced with stress or uncertainty, pause and ask yourself: 👉 Is this within my control? If yes, take action. If no, let it go and focus on your response. Master the inner world, and the outer world will cease to shake you.