Tips for Developing Assertiveness in a Political Workplace

I stopped treating speaking up like classroom participation and started treating it like market share. Because women don’t get talked over because they’re quiet. They get talked over because people underestimate their authority. You can repeat yourself louder. You can explain your point three different ways. But if you don’t shift the power dynamic, you’ll stay invisible in plain sight. ✅ How to be heard in the workplace (the real playbook): 1️⃣ Anchor early. Speak in the first five minutes of a meeting. Silence = invisibility. 2️⃣ Own the frame. Don’t just share information - shape the discussion. Frame the issue before others can. 3️⃣ Claim credit. If you make a point and it’s repeated later, reclaim it: “To build on what I shared earlier…” 4️⃣ Use sponsor amplification. Line up allies before meetings. A sponsor repeating your point makes it harder to dismiss. 5️⃣ Ask the power question. Questions shift rooms. Instead of facts, ask: “What’s the trade-off we’re willing to make here?” That forces leaders to engage with you. 6️⃣ Cut the apology. Stop padding ideas with “just,” “maybe,” or “I think.” Drop the disclaimers. Speak clean. 7️⃣ Interrupt strategically. Don’t wait forever for space. Step in: “I want to build on that before we move on.” It’s firm but not hostile. 8️⃣ Control your posture. Authority isn’t only in words. Sit tall, hold eye contact, keep your tone even. People hear presence before content. 9️⃣ Bank your receipts. When you’ve been right on strategy, outcomes, or calls, make sure leaders know. Past credibility buys future airtime. 🔟 Engineer proximity. Side chats, pre-meeting briefs, offsites - the quieter rooms often shape the louder ones. Be in those spaces. We call it “speaking up.” The powerful call it “setting the agenda.” And if you think volume alone will make you heard, you’re already tuned out. P.S. Want the complete playbook? Join me and Jingjin Liu on Thursday. https://lnkd.in/gS2V-a9c Do you feel your voice is heard in the rooms that matter?

🗣️“You must be more assertive.” Last year, those five words burned into Amy’s memory. She’d walked out of her 2023 review at XYZ Global determined to “step up.” Speak more in meetings. Push harder on decisions. Stop softening her tone so she wouldn’t intimidate anyone. She did exactly that. Fast forward 12 months. Same conference room. Same 2 VPs across the table. 🔇“You’ve become too intense, need to work on softening your approach.” 😑 Amy stared at them, speechless. Wasn’t that what you asked for last year? Which version of me do you actually want? She thought about the past year: 🤔 The time she challenged a flawed budget forecast in front of the CFO, saving the company $3 million, but earning whispers that she was “abrasive.” 🤔 The time she stepped in to rescue a failing project, praised for her “grit” publicly, yet privately told she “dominated the room.” 🤔 The time she finally got invited to an executive offsite, only to overhear a VP say, “She’s great, but can be… a lot.” This is the tightrope trap senior women walk daily: • Be assertive, but not too assertive. • Be collaborative, but don’t fade into the background. • Be visible, but not “hungry.”    The same behavior praised in men (decisive, strong leader) gets women penalized as abrasive or too much. Until you set the narrative yourself, you’re trapped performing for a moving target. If you’re exhausted from balancing on a wire men don’t even see, here’s how to step off it and still rise. 1. Audit the pattern, not just the feedback • Track every piece of feedback, especially contradiction. Patterns reveal bias. If the goal keeps moving, it's not you! • Phrase to use in review: “Last year I was encouraged to increase my presence; this year I’m told to soften it. Can we clarify what success really looks like?”    2. Control the frame before the room does • Pre‑set the narrative in 1:1s and emails leading up to reviews. I.e., “This year I focused on driving results while bringing the team with me, you’ll see that reflected in project X and Y.” • This primes leadership to view your assertiveness as an intentional strategy, not a personality flaw.    3. Build echo chambers, not just results • Secure 2–3 allies who reinforce your strengths in rooms you’re not in. • Promotions happen in the absence, you need people echoing your narrative, not someone else’s. • Phrase to brief an ally: “If my leadership style comes up in review, can you speak to how I challenge decisions but still align the team?”    Women aren’t just asked to deliver results. They’re asked to perform, decode, and reframe, all while walking a wire men don’t even see. If you’re exhausted from balancing between “too soft” and “too aggressive,” stop walking the wire and start controlling the narrative. Join the waitlist of our next cohort of ⭐ From Hidden Talent to Visible Leaders ⭐ https://lnkd.in/gx7CpGGR 👊 Because leadership shouldn’t feel like an impossible balancing act.

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

"Vrinda needs to be more assertive." I got this review every single time For five years straight. Until my manager added: "Like your male colleagues." That's when the pattern became clear: I wasn't less assertive but assertively different. My assertiveness: ↳Building consensus before meetings ↳Influencing through questions ↳Creating space for quiet voices Their assertiveness: ↳Dominating discussions ↳Stating, not asking ↳Taking space Catalyst research shows 76% of women receive feedback about being "too aggressive" or "not aggressive enough." Men, 24%. After that review, I developed the "Style Stack" method: Document YOUR impact style: Instead of "I should be more..." Track: "I achieve results by..." Example from my stack: "I close deals through relationship depth" (not aggressive pitching) "I lead through coaching questions" (not command and control) "I innovate through pattern synthesis" (not loud brainstorming) Then match metrics to YOUR style: Relationship depth = client retention rates Coaching questions = team development scores Pattern synthesis = innovation implementations When reviews come, you have data: "My consensus-building style delivered 3 successful launches with zero team turnover." Beat that, aggression. P.S. What feedback do you keep getting that's really about style, not performance? #WomenInLeadership #LeadershipStyle #InclusiveLeadership #CommunicationSkills

Aggressive. Bossy. Emotional. Pushy. Unapproachable. Intimidating. These negative perceptions of assertiveness are ones I and many women have faced. I'd like to introduce you to STRATEGIC ASSERTIVENESS. Strategic assertiveness means clearly and confidently expressing one's needs and opinions while respecting others' perspectives and creating collaborative, respectful professional relationships. Here is how women leaders can embody strategic assertiveness: 👑 Self-awareness: Understand your emotions, strengths, and areas for growth. Recognize your biases and the challenges that impact your interactions. 👑 Communicate Clearly: Use precise language to articulate your ideas and decisions. Use "I" statements to avoid misunderstandings and defensiveness. Speak with CONFIDENCE. 👑 Listen: Demonstrate genuine interest in team members' inputs and show that all voices are valued. 👑 Practice Emotional Regulation: Engage in constructive, rather than reactive, interactions. Check in with yourself and take breaks to regulate, reflect, and regain composure. Take deep breaths. You get to have emotions. You're not a robot. Take moments to be in the headspace to be impactful and effective. 👑 Timing and Context: Not every moment is a good moment for being assertive; that's why it's strategic assertiveness. Choose optimal moments for assertive communication, be mindful of timing, and provide context. 👑 Be Flexible: Be open to negotiation and compromise where beneficial. Adaptability is a quality trait. Strategic assertiveness includes adapting to different situations and getting feedback from peers and subordinates. , demonstrating adaptive leadership. 👑 Follow-through: Implement decisions with consistency and accountability. Align words with actions, integrity, and reliability. Follow the above, and the next time you're described as aggressive, bossy, emotional, bitchy, pushy, unapproachable, or intimidating, let them know you are strategically assertive. #assertive #strategic #strategicallyassertive #wordsmatter #leadership #womeninleadership

Stand firm in your beliefs AND be willing to consider different perspectives. This is Assertiveness. When you are assertive, you state your needs and opinions without dismissing or belittling others. An assertive person is not aggressive. They are clear, honest, and respectful in their communication in all aspects of their life- personally and professionally. An assertive person doesn't back down from their values, but neither do they force their beliefs on others. Instead, they engage in a respectful dialogue where different viewpoints can coexist. To some, this might seem like a contradiction...but it's not. Not when you understand the role of listening. Listening plays a crucial role in resolving the apparent contradiction. When you genuinely listen to others, you show that you value their perspective, even if it differs from your own. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it does mean you acknowledge their right to their own beliefs. If you decide to go with your own beliefs instead of adopting the ideas of those around you, you won't damage your relationships as long as you demonstrate effectiveness assertiveness skills. Many of my leadership coaching clients choose to work on their assertiveness. It is important for them because assertiveness is strongly linked to trust and respect and a leader who is not trusted or respected cannot lead effectively. Trust is built when people see that you are consistent and fair in your communication. If you only push your agenda without considering others, you might be seen as aggressive or domineering. Conversely, if you never stand up for your beliefs, you might be perceived as weak or indecisive. Showing assertiveness with respect for others builds trust, showing that you are confident yet considerate. The first steps with my clients always involve working on self-awareness as it is the foundation of assertiveness (and emotional intelligence). It's difficult to be assertive if you don't know what you truly believe in and what you really need. It's also challenging if you not in touch with or in control of your emotions. For this reason, there are three actions I recommend starting with: ✴ Reflect on your emotions ✴ Understand your needs and values ✴ Recognize your triggers Moving on from this, we use a cycle of practice, reflection and feedback to develop over time. Assertiveness is a skill that CAN be fully developed with time and effort. While it's entirely possible to improve on your own, working with a coach can significantly accelerate your progress and effectiveness. Let me know if you need any help. Always happy to chat ☕ #assertiveness #personaldevelopment #professionaldevelopment #leadershipskills #communicationskills

𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗢 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿? Imagine if you could set boundaries while maintaining respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺: • Many employees want to say no to unreasonable requests from their manager but feel trapped.    • They’re scared of damaging their relationship, being judged, or appearing uncooperative. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗜𝘁: • They lack the confidence to express themselves assertively.    • They fear backlash, such as being labeled difficult or lazy.    • They don’t know how to say no while maintaining professionalism and respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺: • "If I say no, I’ll lose my manager’s trust."    • "I’ll look incompetent if I can’t handle everything."    • "I don’t have the right to set boundaries." 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗜𝗳 𝗜𝘁 𝗚𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱: • Burnout from taking on too much.    • Resentment towards the manager and job dissatisfaction.    • Loss of productivity and inability to focus on important tasks. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁 • Understand that saying no is not a sign of weakness.    • It’s a way to prioritize your work and ensure quality.    • Your manager values honest communication more than overcommitment. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟯-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘂𝗹𝗮 1. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁: "I understand this task is important…"     2. 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: "…but my current workload doesn’t allow me to give it the attention it deserves."     3. 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲: "Can we prioritize this for next week, or is there someone else who can assist?" 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 • Stay calm and respectful.    • Show that you care about the team’s goals, but be firm about your boundaries.    • Assertiveness isn’t about being rude—it’s about being clear and confident. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗜𝘁: When I first struggled with saying no, I’d either overcommit or avoid the conversation entirely. 𝘽𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. Once I learned assertive communication, I realized I could set boundaries and maintain respect. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀: I’ve coached professionals who were overwhelmed by their workload. By practicing assertive communication, they were able to regain control of their time, earn respect from their managers, and perform better overall. 𝗪𝗜𝗜𝗙𝗠: (𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗜𝗻 𝗜𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗲?) Struggling to say no without guilt? 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂. • Learn how to set boundaries. • Communicate confidently and clearly. • Build trust while protecting your time and energy. 𝗣.𝗦. DM me for a free discovery call. #peakimpactmentorship  #leadership

“You’re being so bossy.” I can’t tell you the amount of times my partners, many of whom were men, would tell me this after a meeting or presentation. Yet, I’d take the feedback to heart. I’d shrink myself down and quiet my voice. I bet you can guess what they said next. “You’re too … nice.” Sadly, this double standard hasn’t improved much since my days waffling between being labeled a “dragon lady” or a pushover. In my coaching practice, my clients who are women of color bring this issue up constantly. It’s a fine balancing point. Here’s my advice, for both women and men: 📣 Couple assertive body language with collaborative language. My favorite combo is the Power Pose (think Wonder Woman) while speaking clearly, and succinctly in an open, inviting way. 📣 Drop qualifiers (“maybe,” “probably,” “I think”) and permission-seeking (“excuse me,” “sorry,” “may I”) when stating a point of view or making a request. 📣 Add framing statements to prepare people for assertiveness. Here’s an example: “I’m going to express my views very directly because it’s important for me to be clear where I stand.” Ready to dig deeper into these topics? Join my email newsletter for more leadership insights. https://lnkd.in/ePKX2VC8 

Kind people can sound aggressive too. I was one of them. When I first started to speak up, I was “honest.” But I didn’t realize I was being aggressive, not assertive. So I studied assertive communication and learned that assertive leaders don’t sugarcoat. They speak up with both care and influence. Leaders who care about people and results can’t afford to be careless with their tone. 👉🏼 Here are 5 common aggressive phrases I see at work (even from kind people!) and how to flip them into powerful assertive communication instead: 🚫 “That’s not fair.” ✅ “Could you help me understand the criteria for this decision?” 🚫 “You made me feel disrespected.” ✅ “When my ideas were cut off, I felt undervalued.” 🚫 “Please stop interrupting me.” ✅ “I’ll finish my thought, then I’d love to hear your perspective.” 🚫 “I disagree.” ✅ “I understand your point, and here’s another perspective. What do you think?” 🚫 “You’re always late.” ✅ “I’ve noticed you’ve been late often. How can I support you to be on time?” 👆 These tweaks raise your credibility, invite accoutability, and help you get heard without causing backlash. 👉 Swipe through the carousel to see how you can turn confrontation into collaboration, without losing your voice. 💬 What’s an aggressive phrase you’ve heard at work… or maybe said yourself? Let’s rewrite it in the comments ⬇️ #LeadershipVoice #AssertiveCommunication #SpeakToLead #EmotionalIntelligence #ConflictResolution #ExecutivePresence #CareerGrowth #CommunicationSkills