The Ozempic Era

Thin is back “in.” Invisible facelifts the talk of the town. Rapid weight loss the subject of gossip and praise. Even American Eagle’s “Good Genes” campaign felt like a wink at old toxic standards (and eugenics, yes, let’s name it).

Scroll online and bodies like mine are disappearing, or being hidden. Representation of gorgeous, beautiful, luscious curves is shrinking. And politically? Women's hard-won gains are eroding. Access to reproductive care and healthcare narrowing. MeToo accountability being rolled up and packed away.

And here I am: a size 14. Small fat.

I use “fat” as a value-neutral word. It describes me, my ass, my thighs, and I don’t consider it a negative whatsoever. I’m midsize, which means I straddle a paradox. Too big for narrow ideals of acceptability, but still palatable enough for some. I feel the pressure of too-small public spaces and clothes that don’t come in my size, but I don’t get the level of vitriol that people in larger bodies endure.

Because of that, I often hesitate to post about body-positivity. I don’t think I’m the person who should be leading those conversations in a public space.

But I’m also allowed to take up space. I can speak about my experience while still making room for others.

Power, Unretouched

Nearly two years ago, I walked into a boudoir studio. My anxiety bled through the sweat on my nose and my shaky hands. I was doing it, something I had always wanted to do but held back on. I was letting myself take up space.

A body-positive photographer waited, one who doesn’t retouch their work. No filters. No smoothing over. Just me.

So I got primped, made up, and then stripped down.

Lying across the studio bed, arching my back into a pose, I felt the wobble in my thighs. The effort in my muscles. The weight of my body holding itself up.

Afterward, I floated on what felt like an impenetrable cloud. I felt like I could do anything.

The photos still hum with that feeling when I look at them. It’s part of why I love them so much.

The Practice of Remembering

As a creator, I also love the videos I made about that experience. Sometimes documenting my life feels silly, like, who even cares? But looking back lets me measure growth. It forces me to reflect.

And as a daughter who lost her father too soon, I think often of how my dad’s love for cameras and home videos left us a gift. Footage to return to. Memories captured. That urge to document isn’t trivial. It’s legacy building.

Share

A Softer Future

Today, my belly is rounder. My breasts are fuller. My thighs have softened as I’ve dealt with a knee injury that has forced me to slow down more, to rest even more.

And most days I love the changes. I like the memories I can see shine through in this body. The mountains hiked, the caresses given, the meals shared.

So I’m saving up for another shoot. Because this body deserves to take up space. And why the hell not?

And because some things deserve to be seen twice, here’s the video I made about that first shoot with Good Bodies in Kansas City.

And as a bonus for paid subs, I’m also sharing my personal process for taking fire af sexy selfies at home. Because we all deserve <3