Asking the pledge’s hot mom to show some ID at the door. TFM.

Vulnerably telling her you don’t want to “rush into things” the morning after a drunken hookup. TFM.

Claiming to be the “brains of the operation” based on the fact that you’re not doing any actual work. TFM.

Defending the pledges in a bar brawl, hazing them after it. TFM.

Handling breakups a little too well. TFM.

Telling the risk manager to “stop being so negative” when he points out the very real flaws in your poorly thought out plan. TFM.

Feeding pledges the separate ingredients of cookies, but not actual cookies. TFM.

Giving the ladies what they want, just not as long as they would like. TFM.

“Good guy, kind of an asshole.” TFM.

Asking the foreign pledge how to say “fuck you” in his native language, then making him wish he never told you. TFM.