How to get over unrequited love

Thursday | September 24, 2026

Love Letters

How to get over unrequited love

Thanks to everyone who came to the movie last night. I learned a lot about social dynamics and how humans choose their friends. The next Love Letters gathering will be next month. Stay tuned. It may be spooky.

New Kids on the Block fans: I hope you’ve taken the time to listen to the this recent episode of the Love Letters podcast. It’s all for you – and features Donnie Wahlberg.

This is where I ask: what’s on your mind about your relationships? Send your own anonymous questions about dating, friendship, breakups, crushes, etc. to [email protected] – or use the anonymous form.

My question is about unrequited feelings and why they seem harder to get over than relationships where feelings are mutual.

Last year I was genuinely in love with someone, and I think it’s probably the only time I’ve ever really been in love. I got confirmation that this person would never feel the same way. It was nothing personal, just the way it goes.

I’ve been struggling to let go of my feelings for them. The logical part of my brain says that we would never work anyway. But it’s been tough. I’ve been in two relationships since then, and I’ve done a good job thinking with my head and my heart, but when it comes to this person, I can only think with my heart.

I don’t know what to do about it and why my feelings for this person seem more important than how I feel about the people I’ve dated.

Any ideas or advice?

– Unrequited

I’ve always believed that unrequited almost-relationships can seem more important than real ones because they’re never annoying, mundane, disappointing, or routine.

They’re basically daydreams. All we know is that we’ve fallen for a person, and then we make up the rest.

The creativity is happening on our end. On yours. Your love for this person may have started with reality, but it evolved into something very hypothetical – designed by you.

It’s difficult to start writing a different story, but please do. Anytime you start thinking of them, shift gears and imagine what you might do on a day trip on your own. Call a friend. Send one message to someone on an app. It’s just about changing the ritual, I think.

Also, keep dating others. This person could be a long-term placeholder for
“partner yet to be discovered.” You might meet someone fantastic, and then, all of a sudden, the fantasy of unrequited love disappears like smoke without mirrors. Sometimes it is that simple.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get over unrequited feelings? Why are they sometimes more difficult to get through than the heartache of a breakup?

What’s on your mind about your relationships? Send your own anonymous questions about dating, friendship, breakups, crushes, etc. to [email protected] – or use the anonymous form.